Flexen Frooms.
I'm cater the Flex and Frooms Big Icon Energy podcast.
Recorded live It's studios three oh one in Sydney.
Welcome to the podcast.
Look, this is a new one, friends and foes. Whoever is listening. We have a live studio audience as we're recording this podcast. Everybody say, AI captain.
That came very naturally.
I love it.
We're in the same generation.
Is you know what that reminds me of? There was some TikTok of this person sitting in the nosebleeds filming a crowd clapping on beat and they were like, oh, nothing feels more like a simulation than this, And I was like, classic audience engagement, feels like a simulation. Get offline anyway, Please continue.
Today on the podcast. You're gonna hear some hooting and some hollering and some cupping and some wing with our audience powered by Bonds.
I love who did that?
Oh?
I love it?
In the front row, Welcome. What's your name?
Nenley Linley like lindsay Lived.
That's a bit offul name.
How do you spell it?
Linley?
So yeah, it is a bit like lindsay yeah, yeah, you're.
The substute teacher who refuses to pronounce the name correctly, like go, it's this not quite no.
Anyway, We're going to be talking about energy vampires. What constitutes a energy vampire? How can you avoid them in life?
And are you the.
Real problem that's on that big icon energy.
Green line theory? Have you heard of it? Have you not?
I have paddles up.
Who's heard of it? What do you guys do on the internet? This is where I'm so concerned about. I really feel like the internet, TikTok, social media is give me this illusion that I'm as close to the world as possible, Like we're all consuming the same content. It's just not true.
Anybody get this tastes the biscuit, Yeah, tastes of goodness.
Not our community. That's okay. So every now and then I come across a psychological phenomena which I have to ask myself. Are we pathologizing, you know, creating, or like looking at really generic human behavior and trying to assign meaning to it where there is no meaning? Or is this going to change our lives? I'm not sure, but
I enjoy doing both of them. So there was this random TikTok creator and he has introduced the world to the green line theory, and what he says is that if you look at a picture of a couple or people who are romantically involved, I guess it's a couple couple who knows. Imagine there's a picture two people, a couple whoever is leaning in. Maybe they're like leaning on a shoulder, maybe they're just orienting their body. Apparently they
are the less dominant person in the dynamic. They're the person who is probably more anxious, who doesn't feel as secure, who's maybe needier or whatever. And to this person, theorizes that when you're in a dynamic, you kind of want to be the person who is standing up straight. In all photos people think, Okay, well what if I'm shorter, what if they're taller? What if you know that's my good side or my bad side? Why? What about my body image is telling you that I'm not the secure
or dominant party in this relationship. He goes on to express that so much of how we, you know, move and orient our bodies is subconscious, and it's learned, and it speaks before we do. It speaks before we have time to be aware of what it is that we're feeling or doing, and So if you want to analyze your own like friendships, relationships, partnerships, look at the way you orient yourself in a photo. Do I agree with this?
I want to say no, only because I feel as though women, especially you're socialized to like do a lot in photos that men aren't like. I just know people awkwardly stand still if they're not comfortable in front of the camera. When did people stop doing this? It's a tilt smile. I don't think we've done I mean this, okay, okay, okay with the tilt smile. I think it's not the years that you phase it out, it's how many photos
you've taken. So I think once you've taken let's say a thousand photos of yourself, you'll graduate to the next post. I think everything just like wears out eventually. So if you haven't taken heaps of photos since high school, your go to is like still the you know, the thumbs up, or like the cheeky smile, or like the forty five degree neck or something is that forty five yeah, something like that. Do you believe in the green line theory?
Absolutely?
What.
That's one thing I can hand on heart completely agree with.
Now that you know the green line theory.
Go on Facebook and look at all the people that are getting engaged, that are getting married, old couples, your own photos, and you'll see it confirms the dynamic.
So what are your photos saying?
Oh, I'm always always alone? So oh no, well, wear's that big like on energy photo of us two?
I'm pretty sure I'm leaning into you.
But yeah, I definitely classic anxious word dynamic where let's we just like role playing science.
I see it because I've seen it.
You say about the like different posture and different sizes of people. I've definitely seen really taller people like crouched down onto their partner.
Yeah, yeah, I see. I just feel like if they're all the pseudoscience to believe in the green Lion theory feels the most baseless to me.
All right, let's get a quick pull. Do you believe in grain line theory?
Ooh okay, flow up question. Do you believe so much in the green lion theory that you're purposely never angling yourself to your partner? Because I think that's once, you know, maybe you start orienting your body differently, but you don't behave or think differently.
I'll definitely be doing that anyone else?
Okay, anyway, energy vampires, do you know what they are?
Oh? Yes or no?
Yes? They are people that suck the energy out of a conversation and a vibe.
Yes, but not just that. It's a very particular type of person. It's not to say that that is your identity. I think that everybody has it within them to just like suck the life out of a conversation, to derail it, to not be able to assess the energy in the room, or to be so unaware of how much they disrupt the energy in a room. It's very tricky because I used to think that this was like a me problem, Like if I'm observing that somebody is messing up my energy,
that's a me problem. So I've got to be more charismatic, take myself out of the room, whatever it might be. But no, it's the real epidemic. So I think that energy vampires are like number one, the type of people that at one point were really gratified for making themselves making other people responsible for them. I think it's a very great skill to recognize that you don't have to do life alone, and that I am your responsibility and
you're my responsibility. Right, So if I'm going through something and I express that as a community like, it's your business too. Now if I say I'm thirsty and you don't do anything about it, well that's odd. However, there's some why are you looking funny?
Wait?
Wait?
Wait, are you a vampire in that?
No, that's just community responsibility, babe. An energy vampire. Though, Think about the characteristics of a vampire. Like, we're not talking Edward Cullen, we're not talking Eric Northman, we're not talking Bill Compton. We're talking traditionally, people who come in unannounced, people who literally suck the life force out of you with no remorse. People who are quite violent in their pursuit of pleasure.
Right.
That's like a very hectic way to phrase it. But with everyday people, it's like those people you're kind of like, you are relentless in how much you are taking from me and you don't even realize. Like that friend who's always got a problem, always got to call you, that friend who's like, we've got to hang out only to talk about what they need to talk about, the kind
of person's like, can you hold space for me? And then decides to like, you know, build a house in your heart and your mind, and you're like, okay, but what about me? And so I've been thinking realistically because I have like two people in mind that I'm thinking of as we speak, Brook and from Are they in the room? Are they in the room with us right now? You will never know? But because I used to be like very confrontational, not that I'm not confrontational now, but
now I realize I'm sensitive. So I don't want to have confrontations right because just because I could doesn't mean that I want to. But now I'm like really avoidant with dealing with people. I've got someone in my messages right now who sent me this long apology apologizing for being an energy vampire. But we're like six years into a friendship. This is just who you are. So I'm like, if I respond, am I just validating the thing that energy vampires do, which is fake self awareness only to
like extract more from you south the cycle again. So I'm actually quite stressed about it, in like a in like a I'm not going to do anything about it because I'm over it.
I love her, you know, experience to stress and let it ride over you for me? Do you resonate, Yes, on absolutely, I do. I have a question for you first though, So you are someone who's on the internet, who's on our show cater on Selextion, Frooms on.
Cata, you're talking a lot about relationships.
Do you then find it sounds like this person has heard about you speak about energy vampires, or maybe they're in like the self development sphere and they obviously know you quite well, they've known you for six years. Do you ever get people like looking at your Instagram stories and then being like oh shit and checking themselves and then apologizing to you like is that a regular occurrence?
Not as much as they should and like that was a cry for help. You didn't take the hit. No, I mean I think that, like, if I'm ever saying anything overwhelmingly positive, then people like that must be me, Like, I definitely resonate if it's even remotely negative, Everyone's like, that's where the other person that bypassed me and it's going straight to them. In this instance though, I think that, like I used to create a lot of space, how do I say it? As a girlie who is a
big talker people, I think I like to talk. No, if I'm sitting at home in my own space. I don't want to talk. On the weekends, I don't want to talk. In my spare time, I don't want to talk. I just happen to have the skill, and I use it so often, and I've convinced myself that, like every kind of conflict in my life required a conversation to get over it. And then I talked myself into a stupor where I'm like, you could just want to hear me speak because at this point, why am I having
the same conversation again and again and again? And in this instance, sometimes I wonder, like when people apologize or when people are aware of their wrongdoing, how much of this is for you to like get through this thing that you're feeling, this bird and this guilt, And how
much is because you recognize that it's impacting me? Because I'm like, if you do something shady, you kind of know within the first like I don't know week or so you're like, oh, that's not great, But like I'm not gonna it's been the same thing again and again and again. I'm just like I don't know what to do with this information because I don't have the emotional energy for it. And that's the thing about energy vampire, Like you don't even realize this conversation is taking up
way more of my energy than yours. It was a flippant thought for you. And now I'm sitting with it like a little energy vampire. Baby, Someone's gonna look after it otherwise I'm negligent. You know. I don't want that, But I do think that if you don't know the energy vampire, you are the energy vampire. I'm so sorry. Like, and there's something about it, like whether or not you feel like you resonate with it or not. For every one person that exists, there is an energy vampire counterpart.
That's just that's just the balance of the flat shade. So like, for real, put your paddles up? Are you the energy vampire? Put up rooms this paddle?
See?
I love it? Do you know the energy vampire put up my paddle? See that? That's absurd to me. How we all know an energy vampire but nobody is the nfgy vampire. Do you know what I'm saying? Someone's off totally.
I like that you somehow docks everyone like you think that.
I knew it.
I have.
I wouldn't say that I've.
Been called an energy vampire in the past, but something who's ocouraged me that I've actually been thinking about a lot lately. I saw this meme which is like everyone's talking about like if you just need me, like I'm here for you, Da da da, And then there's like a very certain what's it called, like demographic of people that are very much the people that say that, and then like, sorry, I just like can't hold space for you right now.
That's happened to me in the past. I remember once I was going through.
A little bit of a bad time and I reach out to this woman that I usually have like really good chats with she used to be a work colleague, and she literally hit me like I was at my rock bottom, like I've exhausted my options of people to talk with. It's like, look, I really like I just
don't have space for you right now. And I reckon like as much as I was probably the like considered the vampire there that is a vampire energy by not giving a little a little bit of a like lifeline is vampire vibes Because I.
Know you've got space. You just can't be bothering, you can't be fucked. I can say, would yeah, I feel that.
Look I will, I will say in that instance, though words mean things, and you know how for example, you're not gonna hear me say if you need me, just call me, because I'm the type of person if I can sharp for you, I will. Like for me's reference on occasion, she's always so surprised in areas where I extend myself to other people. I would never do it unless I meant it so, like I will drive you home after the functional, I will let you borrow that
thing if I've offered it up myself. If you ask it, chances are I'm gonna say no, only because I don't want to create a dynamic where you expect that I'll do anything for you, because realistically, when it comes time to cash in, like you said, how am I meant to know that? Like, yes, I did say that I would be there for you, but that was last spring, and that was a good time for me. We're in this spring. Things are more difficult. I don't know, it's tricky.
So would you say you're more often the energy vampire than.
The blood donor blood donor.
Probably vampire.
I talk about my problems a lot because I'm trying to work through it.
But as I got older, the more.
I'm realizing that, like, nothing is free, and if you're doing that to someone, they're like, it's not actually exciting for.
Them to talk about your problems. Do you reckon a favor?
Well, to an extent, I think if you've got like a mutual relationship where you do it, that's fine. But otherwise nope, find someone else that's vampire and do vampiring together.
Yeah. Anyway, Yeah, that's on that.
Now, Sexy. I wanted to tell you.
Today about something that I learned yesterday.
Via The Guardian.
Apparently there's a thing you can do, not only in Australia but around the world where you create your very own country.
How that works? No, I haven't anybody else. Oh my god, just you wait.
So apparently what you can do is you can disband from the country that you're in to create your own micro nation.
I don't understand. I'm like, what, Okay, let's go back to basics for a second. There. What constitutes as a country? What makes it not a suburb?
Okay, let me give you an example.
In nineteen ninety three, there was this guy that lived in Mossman can't remember his name, it's right.
And what he wanted to.
Do was he wanted to make a driveway from some other area through his house, but he need to cut through like national park. So he got it approved and then a new council came in and the council was like, you can't do that, it's deforestation or whatever. But then he's like, nah, I really want to make my driveway.
He got into a stoush with the council so bad that he's like, whatever, I'm going to leave Australia create my own legal country so it can become like a diplomatic battle between countries.
Did he win?
No?
Did it cost the council one hundred and fifty thousand dollars to be disputing or you know, defending these decisions.
Yes?
So how does it work?
Though?
Like what makes a country a country? If I wanted to make a country today, what am I doing?
You have to like create a document that says that you're disbanding and then.
So that means you're no longer an Australian citizen.
I think you get to keep the same citizenship, but you also have your own nation and you become like a prince or a prince, a prince, so literally in this article they've like got quotes from this guy. It's like Prince Prince. I keep saying, I want to say Prince Andrew or Prince Philip. Who's another prince that's not them?
Are keen? If you know? You mean?
Yeah? But yeah, so would you do that?
Well, you haven't told me how. I keep asking, how do you do it? What is the country? When can we get it done? You're like, so this guy must man and he said, if it's simple, I'll do it. If it's like slightly difficult, like you know, getting a new passport, I'll do it. Anything harder, I'm not doing it pretty sure.
It's really easy. But do I know how to? Of course not.
Something else you'll learn in this recording is that I don't believe in Google.
It's purely vibes.
Don't be offended if for me doesn't fact check, it's just what she's doing. Big Icon Energy.
It's time for one of my favorite segment now.
When Flex and I are conceptualizing our show with Kita, we were all sitting in a room with a whiteboard.
Coming up with different ideas.
We started with a thing called sibling rivalries where we'd pit two celebrity siblings up against each other.
That lasted about a Week's.
One of your ideas, though, like give it some love because you loved it at the time, and now it's just you know, it's not here anymore.
Well, all I was thinking about was bart and Lisa. But you can only do that once once. You can't really rinse that anyway. This segment is called love Line, where people text in or message in to us with their love relationship problems and.
We give them.
I guess it is solicited advice yea, but it's certainly not that valuable in some respects.
I disagree.
But we have one that was sent in by one of our guests here in the recording. I believe her name is Charlotte, and we have given her a microphone. Now, Charlotte, would you mind standing up?
I think you're right in the eyeline of.
It, not the standing h yah, that's so Charlotte.
Yay, Hi Charlotte. Look you can just launch right into it.
Well, I definitely need some advice, sort of want to reconnect with like an ex boyfriend.
It ended on like good terms, what does that mean?
Mutually goes to each other, but it just happened.
Sexy just sort of want to reconnect.
We're really like close kind of twins, like same personalities, same interests, but I just don't really know how to do it.
This is an ex boyfriend.
Yeah, how many I feel like you're really concerned?
Is actually it's because my left eye won't stop twitching, and so I'm having to like emote extra to keep it. Like anyway, we'll talk about later. How many months we together? Like six? Heckic? Okay, all right, please take a seat, Charlotte. Thank thanks.
If Charlotte.
In an ideal world, ideally he's listening. If he's a well cultured gent, he's definitely listening. Okay, I love this, guys. This is like the stakes are high. So in my opinion, no breakup is ever mutual.
Ever, put your paddle up if you agree.
Yeah, that's like forty five percent of the room.
Okay, the eyes are saying at least seventy.
I believe that no relationships and I think like mutually there's always someone instigating it, whether or not it's just like a ten percent instigation. It's a vibe that you both catch, you both got together. One person was chasing one person chases out.
I often think the person who says it's mutual didn't do the breakup because as for me, when i'm I'm like, we broke up, and then I'd be like, I broke up with them just so you know you're savage. I feel really good about reconnecting with X's just for the plot. Honestly, I think life is too short and people's stories dating stories haven't been good since high school. I'm telling you, like back when I was eighteen seventeen, everything was juicy.
The stakes were so high. People were willing to risk shane, guilt, fear anything for romance. I think now we're either cutting the cord too soon or not allowing room for playfulness. So I definitely think slide right through. I'm a bit feral in my dating approach if I'm on it, so I would just be straight in the text message with you miss me, question mark, or or I know you've been thinking about me full stop wow, because if you got it, you got it. And then if they're like, ha,
what are you talking about? Be like ha, what are you talking about? You can't take a joke. It used to be funny.
This is My biggest red flag the approach and then the oh, I was just joking.
Wolf, it doesn't hit, doesn't hit. I'm not gonna embarrass myself.
I'm sure I got one more question for you before we go. Is he like a shy guy or is he more forward?
Should?
I definitely? Okay?
Well, I think you got two options here. First option is send him this podcast. However, I think you run the risk of making him feel too seen, because then you feel back together again, and it's like on recording. Some people get weird sometimes I tell stories about people. Once I told a story about my sister on the radio. Literally didn't speak to me for a month.
Wasn't even bad.
What was the story? Quick recap?
Something about an expo friend that I hated, so like fair game? Maybe just do that? Hey, maybe just say I asked for advice in a public forum.
I got some interesting advice. What would you prefer me to do? Slide in with a do you miss me? Or is this done?
That is so meta because then he has to listen to the podcast. I find the find the timestamp, tune in, come back.
It's too difficult, you know what, though, it is so nice to hear someone speak about you in a recorded format, you know, like.
Think this through Free for Me is always doing role play, where like you ask her a very earnest question and she starts pulling abstract concepts. Very simple. Let's rephrase the question if your ex was going to slide back in your favorite X? We all have one? Yep, do we all have one? Paddles up? Okay, tough crowd.
We need a camera on everyone else.
So people don't have a favorite X. It's just me. But if your favorite X slid back in, what's the approach you'd want?
I think mine's too far gone. Maybe just you were the best I ever had?
Do you see what I'm talking about? Okay, it's terrible.
I think I think we've given enough advice for one day.
Can you confirm which she'll be going with? It's not a competition, but.
See I get that FLEXI. You might not get it. I don't get it.
And see maybe I can't. I just don't do I can't do KOI I can't do subtle. Maybe it's just a bit of a control freak when it comes to romance. But there's nothing I can't think of anything worse than the anxiety of when you know that you like someone and then you allow things to just like not happen. I just want to get through the cycle quickly. Be in, figure out what's happening. If it's not on, be out next. I don't want to like get too comfortable in the unknown. Why your eyes glazing over?
You know?
You know what I'm thinking, and I think this will be for a later time.
I think both approaches they're going in quickly to yeat out and not giving it any space for gray, and also never approaching and playing KOI are the set two sides of the same coin, which is anxious avoidant, dip in, dip out, need to know an answer then want to yeat away.
That's what I think.
I'm just avoidant, but thank you, I won't stop talking about this twitching. I think only because I'm not a hyperchondriac. If anything, I'm on the extreme other end of the spectrum where despite not drinking enough water and living a preservative based life style, I feel invincible all the time. You know, skin looks great, always got energy, whatever, whatever. But I went out like last weekend and Mum got
near it naturally. But since then my left eye has been twitching and I'm like, have I done irreversible damage? We do have a doctor in the audience, So what would you say.
I think that you're tired and stress.
That's whatever. I think you're tired. I'm like, again, what can we do that information? Give me someone the work away.
When you're stress?
And like, I hear, but I'm not listening the ivy twitching anyway, please go on.
So as part of our show here powered by Bond's Big Icon Energy, we need to ask the question what stops people from having big icon energy. I think one of the first steps in coming to terms with your flaws is maybe deciding do I have big like on energy? Am I being a bit shy? Am I overconfident? So
it's a good question to ask yourself. I wanted to relate this back to sexiness because I found this really interesting TikTok by a guy called Achille More and it is the sexiness theory with a picture of Bellahadide.
Recently, I've been thinking a lot about like what makes a person attractive, like what makes a person sexy? And I think I've come to like a really weird conclusion about it because I think, for like a long time in my life personally, I have not felt like hot in my own skin in like a really weird way, or like sometimes I would look in the mirror and I would feel like I was attractive, but I didn't necessarily feel sexy. And I think that there's a big
difference in feeling attractive and feeling sexy. I saw this video recently where Courtney was saying, like, the times in my life where I was the skinniest were the times in my life where I was the most unhappy. And I've noticed that about myself too, because like, and here's.
My thesis, I think sexy.
I think we've got the idea.
Hey, humanity more than anything. If you treat yourself like a robot and you let yourself eat like two calories a day and you give yourself these insane workout, it's almost treating your body as if it's like this machine that needs to be conquered and not as like a human that deserves like empathy and love.
And that's something about getting to the point, you know, it could.
Be half the time initially off the bat, what do you guys, do you agree with his hypothesis? What is the hypothesis that sexiness is not attributed to wait and like that. What I got from that is that essentially, when you are restricting, or when you're in a body that's not that's you get by means that are like starvation and stuff, you become less sexy because you're less human and it's more human to be more yourself.
Yeah, do you.
I get anybody else get that?
Is that the vibe?
No? Can we can we throw to the audience for this one? It would anyone be comfortable giving their hypothesis out?
Or is that a bit rough? Yes?
I'm actually training to be a psychiatrist. I think that it kind of comes down to insecurity, right, Like you're insecure enough about your body image that you're doing all these things, or like your sense of self will determine a lot about your icon energy, how others perceive you, how you perceive yourself.
It was very convoluted.
It was comal, wasn't it. I'm a bit confused.
That's the issue with everyone being a publisher these days. No, Okay, what stops people from having big icon energy is this idea that they're not recognizing. They've already centered an idea of icon status, hotness, sexiness that is separate to them. And so as long as you are not the center of what you believe to be the physical manifestation of
like hotness, sexiness, then you'll never have that. So I do think it one takes a level of delusion to accept yourself as you are and say like, yeah, I'm hot, or a big commitment to you know, centering or becoming what is the standard. But either way it requires like a choice and conviction from yourself to see it that way, and then when you start getting validated for it, you'll be like, oh, it was always meant to be this way to begin with.
Whichever one you choose, Yeah, I love it.
Well that's that.
Yeah, let's get him to figure that out. Video out again. I want to get the point. I want to understand it. It didn't come through.
We'll send him this and ask for notes.
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