Flex and Frooms, Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast.
It's Flex and Frooms and Today on the Potty. I hope you really loved it. Last week we started like telling you what's in episodes. I actually listened back to the episode, as you know, Flex, I listened to our episodes to relax. Oh that is that was really funny that one.
And get the gags hit every time, like I laugh at the same time every time.
What you say makes more sense when you listen to it back.
I'm serious, Thank you.
It needs a bit of processing, but yeah, thank you. How am I not picking that up? That makes pervict chance? But you know it's different in the when you're in the room.
When you're when you're in the Devil's l Ma lair.
This one is about what to do when you want someone to live your house. Doesn't have to be romantic. If we're your friends, have for dinner. But this is a very specific situation. No incrimination disclaim.
I don't think we even answered the question. To be fair, we definitely didn't, but we will one day. I will make sure of it. Mummy. Can I listen to Flex and Frooms? Flex and froms Okada. I like to consider myself a bit of a anthropologist. You know, if I am engaging in conversation or socializing, I am mining data.
I'm terrifying.
You know, I'm drawing conclusions, and sometimes I really do snap. Sometimes what I'm coming up with is like so fresh, never foreseen or heard, and other times I'm thinking, why haven't I drawn this conclusion sooner? In my office, we haven't officed toddler. She comes in every now and then. She does belong to one of the stuff, but she's really amazing, and through getting to know her, I'm seeing
how just like how evolved children can be. And so obviously now that she's warmed up to me and she knows me really well, she can like pick me out in a picture. She knows what I eat, she knows where I'm going. She's very smart. But what's been happening now is that if I don't see her for five days, she's mean, and she's she's closed off and she's agitated, and she is like torn between wanting to speak to me but also remembering that I left her for five
days and not really understanding why. And then you know, like we find it really committed be like, oh, say goodbye now, and she's freaking out because she's like, well, when are you coming back? And why are you going and all of these things. And it reminds me of this really terrible habit that I had and had to break as an adult, of being mean when I missed people, or you know, like wanting to be close to someone but then pushing them away because I was like preempting
them going away again. And it's just so counterintuitive, but I'm like, this is happening in childhood. This is like a childhood based thing, because I'm not even sure that she's like fully comprehending this idea, because do kids really have like perception like that she's old enough to understand that. Like somedays she spends the whole day with me. She's sitting on my lap or doing emails, watching Little Tiktoks. Okay, she's pointing out pictures saying pretty, and I'm like, oh,
isn't that pretty? And then other days she's like closed off and I have to be like, hey, I'm sorry, were you upset when I left? You're like yeah, which makes me think of two things. Number One, I don't know if you've ever read in nonfiction, they say, if you want to have successful relationships with adults, you need to think of them as children. So you need to stop assuming that every adult is behaving in a really healthy, evolved way, because we're just little babies in adult bodies.
And I used to think that was just like infantilizing everyone and giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. But then watching the way that I let her, or not even let her, but the way that I respected her frustration with not understanding why I couldn't be around is not the kind of lenience I would give with an adult. I don't think, like if you threw me, were suddenly off me because you hadn't seen me for a week,
I'd be like, grow up, it happens, you know. I'd be like, like, why are you making it a big deal? Sooner than I would have empathy and say, well maybe that, like was it hit her like that? Yeah? Like why can't I be mindful or empathetic or generous enough with my emotions to validate yours even if I don't feel the same way.
It's like when you have a dream where someone's being really mean. Yeah, made a couple of days.
To aha exactly because you gotta let it roll off, and sometimes it takes a little bit longer. And when you rush the process or you feel rushed, that's when that mean spirit comes out, like I'm already because when I needed you, you went around, So now I'm not
ready to be friends right now. So I say this all to say people, we humans, adults would benefit from interacting with children, definitely, because somehow you just start to see like not a lot has changed between me interacting with a three year old and a thirty year old in the best way. Humor is so similar and why we like it the same jokes, not just humor generally. How does she know what's pretty? But do you know what pretty is?
Yeah?
How does she know when we're at work? Or how does she know? Like just the way that she's able to connect theories, Like I facetimed my best friend when she was on a train, and I think she thinks my best friend lives on a train.
Before she knows because we don't know where she is at. It's like object permanent, so they don't think that you exist until you're there. That's why it's got whiplash.
I was in a.
Situation earlier this week, where I had a friend over. They slept over.
Yeah, okay.
In the morning, I woke up feeling quite ill. Okay, some drinks had been consumed. It was a really really large night. It was a late night, and I'm waking up and feeling like I want my own personal space. Okay, it's nothing on this person. It's just when it's a Sunday. I needed them to leave my house so I could order big macmeal at nine am and rot in my bed in yearsah watching the notebook.
And now of a sudden, you're hosting.
I said, I have not signed up for a twenty four hour hope. It's like, this is not Airbnb. My alarm goes off at eight am. I forgot to turn it off, so obviously I'm awoken by the sounds of an extreme alarm, and shit gets real very very quickly. I stir thinking, oh, and my friend is still there. Another hour passes of me stirring, being like, I don't know how to get up. I don't know what to do because I'm really tired. I have to get up because I want my own personal space, but I'm just
too tired to move. Gets about nine o'clock and I'm thinking, Okay, we've got to make some moves. Boys, we gotta make some mooves. I text one of my best friends, Okay. They were also meant to be staying at my house because they were inter state. We've been partying together, so I was expecting him to come to my house. But he wasn't there. I text him and say, hey, can you please call me and say that I'm late for
a breakfast because I have no spine. I don't know how to ask this king that I please need some personal space.
Now. My friend doesn't reply.
It's been twenty minutes, so I'm like, okay, I need to grab a shower.
I have a shower.
By the time I'm back from the shower, my friend is dressed and he's gonna yeat out the door perfect like fantastic, thank you so much, lays back into bed. I start falling asleep. Okay, I'm back in my comfort zone. Two hours later, my friend who had messaged called me and said, hey, Listinda, we've got breakfast. And I said what He's like, We've got breakfast like at the a Si Bowl place. It's our friend's birthday. Can't even remember we're organizing her present today.
And I was like, wait, what, no, what do you mean.
He's like, Lucinda, I told you it's a sire place. Bear balls around the corner. I'm like, I'm like, send me the group chat.
Oh my god.
Like he's like there was a group chat and I'm like, I don't remember the group chat. Like I'm looking through my phone.
Was it on Messenger? I was on Instagram? Was it on text message? Like?
I was looking like what are you talking about? And he's like, listenda, okay, I'm coming over to get you to go and get you out of bed. I was like, mate, you.
Look I am fragile. I was. I am broken you're not. I was pissed off.
I was like, do you have wrong anyway. Finally he calls me again and I almost don't answer. He says I'm outside, let me in, and I said, okay, rings the doorbell. I walk up, let him up, open my door, run back to my bed, being like I can't deal with this, like hopefully when he comes tack and he sees I'm asleep, he creeps into my room and says, is he still here? And I said no, what do
you mean? And he hops into bed with me, and I said to my friend like, really, I just like really can't go to breakfast, Like.
I'm still so sick talking about it's like, what do you mean I was? I was saving in character message.
We laughed when I say, we giggled and cackled for five whole minutes, like I was fully I fully believe that we had a breakfast like.
And your is tired, which friends, And I.
Was like genuinely upset about it that I almost called the friend who were meant to be meeting for breakfast and saying, hey, I'm so sorry, like I spent two hours of sleep that shouldn't have been should have been beautiful over morning. So all I gotta say, guys, is this is a message to grow a spine. When you want personal space, you gotta ask for it. Don't ask for anyone else to come to your rescue. No less on a Sunday of a long weekend. Okay, because no one's answering their phones.
But we have to discuss generally, how do you get people to leave your house. There's levels to it, depending on how close and comfortable, how brutal you feel like you want to be. As someone who toes the line between lone Wolf and like social Butterfly babes. Yeah, you gotta know when to go mix signals constantly, like it swings before I even know. Damn, you're listening to Flex and Rooms on kit.
Do you think we're snobs if we don't like subtitles? There was an article from The Atlantic nice. The title was why is everyone watching TV? With the subtitles on? And this person went to a movie at their friend's backyard and it was Clueless? Right, they're watching Clueless. Everybody seeing the movie Clueless. We don't need the subtitles on. However, this person there's oh you left the subtitles on, to which the other person replies, oh, we always leave the
subtitles on. And this person is wondering, am I a snob because of the aesthetic horror that I think that subtitles are with the gashing across the screen? Oh my gosh, this person, I hope they got paid well for this article. I mean they're bossy into it, but that is such a massive, massive, like what kind of person are you? Subtitles on or off that we don't speak about until
it's too late. I'm serious, because let me tell you tell me your subconscious brain part of you thinks you're taking the whole movie in when you've got subtitles on.
Absolutely you're not. You're reading the words.
You're essentially reading a book you can't read subtle and look at the faces. Okay, stand with me with this with Kayla.
As someone I like subtitles on, I think the screen looks empty without them. However, as someone who only ever half watches anything, it's so I can continue to half watch better, I'm already missing most of the movie and the TV show. Anytime someone recommends a TV show to me or a friend, they'll be like, you have to pay attention to this one. I say, it's out. I'm not watching su Session, I'm not doing it. I'm not
watching Game of Thrones, I'm not doing it. I'm not watching Breaking Bad, not watching any show I have to pay attention to because I'm not gonna you see my.
Issue watch lay Bag Their Day, which you think.
Well, even then, three episodes in, I had a friend over, so it was easy to watch because there's two people. As soon as they left, I was like, oh, well, you know what this means.
That's the real fallacy of TV. You need be with people. That's why I don't have a TV in my house.
Yeah.
Yeah, Once i'd realized that subtitles take away your attention, I'm just not gonna I'm just not gonna watch with subtitles on see.
But that's the thing, because I feel like, knowing that I'm never gonna give the TV my full attention, I'm going to aid myself in doing that to the best of my ability, as opposed to punishing myself further, I being like I can't see, I can't hear, and I can't read the biggest struggle. But this is also why I love going to the cinema, Oh cinema, because you do have to pay attention, and it's a full century experience. I couldn't not pay attention if I wanted to. It's quite incredible, you know.
With Flex and frooms on Cata love line with Flex and Frooms on Cada.
We've got a listener question which we love to get via DM is preferred at Flex and frooms on Instagram. It's all about how to say casual on the apps but not be a booty call, or maybe what's the fine line between being a booty call and being casual. Is there a difference. Look, I don't know. I'm just not a casual person. I just don't know how to do nonchalant unless I'm actively trying to avoidant, which I'm trying not to be. But I just don't feel like
it's one thing that you decide. It takes two. Right, Like someone in Domans you'll do.
A pretty call, but you went to casual, I would say, yeah, like nothing about you as casual. And I think casual is often the result of being like, I want something more, but this person doesn't, so we're gonna be casual. Yeah.
I just feel like casual to me is synonymous with not fun, unmet expectations, and waiting in the wings, constantly waiting in the wings, waiting in the wings. And I think people get stuck into casual dynamic to distance themselves from the inevitable end where I'm like, the end is
always coming, even when you think it's not. When you're hanging out with a friend, like you know you have to leave and go to sleep eventually, when you are loving your job currently but you kind of know that you want to be in a different position in three years time. The end is always coming. What I don't like is getting stuck in the ambiguity and being like is it not should it? Should it not be? Because
that it's just not fun. And what I've been working on recently is like, actually think to myself, when am I having fun? And when am I perpetuating my own suffering? So in this I don't think there is a way to stay casual and not be a booty call. I really think it's difficult to maintain. I think it's difficult to have any kind of framework and be casual. Do you know how Like when you are casually employed in your bosses like if you don't take these three shifts,
then we're gonna take you off the roster. And you're like, babes, I'm a casual like this, let me live. I go in and out based on whims. And I also can't preempt what something is or is not, whereas if something is less casual or moving to define, because you can define something and decide within those premeters like let's be more casual, let's not talk very often, whatever, whatever, whatever, But then the very nature of something being casual is that you are fluid and free flowing. So if you
don't want to be a booty call. Then I don't think you want an entirely casual dynamic. And I don't think a dynamic isn't casual, it is automatically like long term committed.
True.
But I think if you want a framework and you have expectations and it can't really be casual, I think I get it. For example, right, let's say you have you've just met someone at a party. It's a friend of a friend of yours, a close friend of one of your friends. They've been like, oh, we should really
hang out or whatever. Cool, let's do that. Two weeks later, you get a text message and they're annoyed at you because they're like, hey, I kind of like thought you would have reached out by now, Like the kind of friends who I'm looking for. People are more like considerate and like honor. You'd be like, whoa Like we don't even know, we don't know anything about each other, why
are you asking me for anything? But I think that is the plight with casual modern dating, is that everybody wants something, well what is it that they want exactly?
The other day I found myself at a gig. It was the floodlights. They are a Melbourne band, Melbourne based band. I would say the genre is like pub rock Australiana crowded house vibes, but from the modern day Australian yep. Now that it's giving songs about the beautiful landscape as well as the Australian condition. It's fantastic stuff, really fantastic stuff.
You're really good at this.
And when I was sitting in the crowd, I just had this thought which is totally unrelated to the band, where I thought, oh my god, I'm so disturbed by the movie Titanic. The Titanic happened in like nineteen oh five, right, tell me why in the nineteen ninety five through to two thousand, the Titanic is everywhere. Like in my childhood, the risk of the Titanic was so great and it was such an enormous tragedy that really shocked me to my court and to this day it's a cool memory.
The cinema really.
My parents house as his pamphlet for the Titanic for some weird ass reason, like it's like National Geographic, one of those little tiny books that are about different things in history. And I was seeing in my bed a while ago, just reading through every single bit of it. Slow day.
Every day is a slow day.
I think the fact that it was like multi levels of cultural socio, like all these levels were affected, and also just the lavishness of it and seeing something go down the first time that it goes out there, when it's like beIN.
Oh the first time it was its first.
It was just made and voyage.
Why did she say so?
It was just made and voyaged and it was the biggest cruise ship ever created. And the whole thing was that it was unsinkable. Oh yeah, yeah, So it's a fantastical story.
I love history because this is really tea.
Yeah.
I'm thinking, now, what is our Titanic?
Right?
Our was in Like, what is something that's so prolific in media that it's going to outlast generations and new cycles, et cetera, et cetera. But then I'm thinking, if it's, as you say, the first unsinkable and for the time, rare things don't happen like that, and even when rare things happen now like chat GPT is rare and we're not taking it seriously even fathom how big chat GPT is because we've been living with iPhones, doesn't I say.
I was going to say, I think the most prolific event would be nine to eleven. Yeah, babe, we're all thinking, I just want to say it. Every person listening to this show thinking nine to eleven. They're all sitting they're going care for me for sure.
Titanic and then nine eleven.
And I would say, yeah, thousand million, I ate that you did eat that hand. Well done, I think as well. Nine to eleven is the same. The only difference is there was more media of it occurring, but still compared to what we have now, there's like ten videos of nine to eleven going down and some voicemails. There's no texts.
Yeah, but also given the way that people were accessing news one hundred and something years ago, so the way people access news one hundred and something years ago, for the Titanic to stand the test of time now, we would need something that is so post news because like we're saturated with it, so like if something terrifying happens
in the media, it's just another news story. In order to have something that is just as fantastical in the media landscape as the Titanic, we would need something that was secretive, bubbling in the undercurrent. Everybody knows, but you can't really say it publicly, and then in a hundred years everyone's like, WHOA, that was huge. The biggest news
stories in the world die twenty four hours later. What is going to keep someone's attention for one hundred years needs to be the lack of information, true, like a Madeline McCann type thing, but like more widespread climate change.
Oh tell me, why am I not seeing extinction? Rebellion throwing tomato soup at a painting that.
Really capture my megoration?
Now, I'll say Mikayla nine to eleven for me.
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