How To Get Over Being Ghosted 👻

Flex and Frooms, Flex and Froomes. This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast.

It's Flex and Frooms. Happy April, guys. It's Flexi's birthday month. Mine was last last month. It's really good to be here at Kaita Flexi. You're wearing little tiny cow shoes and I must say.

I bring this up.

Don't objectify me. I don't want to be perceived visually. We can talk about my thoughts and my experiences.

You are so much more than your cow hoofs, and.

Yet it's all you talk about. When's the last time you complimented my brain? It's too big.

I can't comprehend it.

Brookie, on the other hand, No, is desperate to be objectified. She is wiggling her little toe saying look them in for me. She has a pair of crocs on the slide, crocs with a fluffy inside and there sparkly. I really stand them, Brookie. Their their mint.

She got little sockis with them.

She's a comfort girl today with your cat jumpsuit on. See some people dressed to be dressed to be seen. I too dressed to be seen, just not by me.

No, I think I don't like it most of the time, like when I change my hair and walked into the office, I'm like, can you please stop talking at me about what I look like? It's not a nice feeling, you know how. No, I won't bring this up, but we had a conversation a time where you know, as soon as people talk about you to your face, it validates

Oh my god, I totally understand how you feel. Then okay, that's interesting.

Yeah for me.

For some reason, I assume because it's fashion, it's like not and it's something that you like, it's like not it wouldn't make you feel uncomfortable.

But that's so true.

I think it's also when I can't tell that people talking about me are peers, Like when someone with a similar fashion sense, similar style is talking about it, I'm like, okay, you get it. But then I think a lot of time people come from the angle of like, oh this is so quaky and I could never and you're so confident. I'm like, shut up, facts, let's stop talking.

About it very interesting, FLEXI, Well, if I ever get my hands on my monkeys, they'll come back to you. I think I give everyone permission to discuss them, even if you think they're fuggly.

No, No, let's get to the podcast you're listening to. Flex and Frooms on.

Ghosting is real phenomena those occurring in the current state. Ghosts have been around since time immorial. However, the option of doing it in a dating context would be relatively new. I'd new millennium exactly. I mean, I'm sure it would have happened in the eighties and the nineties.

But as parents, they've done it since the beginning of time.

Oh.

True, people go through their families constantly, but.

It just hits different when it's in dating, doesn't that, FLEXI just heats real different. I personally have never been ghosted, but I know many people that have redacted.

I said that, and yes, I've definitely been going.

And so I'm always looking away to recoup the emotions and the ego that are destroyed in the processing Andy.

Ghosted, the lost investment it really is, and the lost future.

So I've gone on to wiki how and I've googled how to get over being ghosted. This one is for my girls and my boy bosses and everyone else in between who date. Someone goes on one date is expecting the world, has a great time, and then no follow up has been done, so you need kind of pain. But it's something that we need to how do you say combat? And this is how to get over being ghosted?

It wasn't flex.

Was awaiting a follow up text that never arrived and so she had to take it into her own haze.

Sorry sorry gender disperson.

They had to take it into their own hands behest their emotions. So if communication is slowing down, you want to try text this, Oh, I know Wikia is coming FIRS.

You just mind your own business, like yourself saying how I'm the person until they want you back? Got it all right?

And I quote hi, I want to check in. I'm getting the sense that you're no longer interested. If that's the case, will you let me know? And then if.

They're definitely letting you know before then they just had enough time. They were wigging out. Now it's definitely it's a jung.

Zil and just a weird late.

And if I don't respond, here's what you text stuff to being ghosted before you stop communicating. I wish you'd have told me how you felt. I feel mutual respect when there's two way feedback. It hurts my feelings to be ghosted. Take good care. I think that's a bit.

Look.

I'm in two months. I recently, as you know, listen to He's just not that into you. A two thousand and four piece of how do you say anthropological is significance?

It spawned a movie. It came from Sex and the City. Totally gendered, totally two thousand.

And four, but still heterosexual precisely, but still some interesting points when we're talking about heterosexual relationships. And they said that you shouldn't do the follow up pay message because the message is loud and clear. If they're not messaging you, it is what it is.

Personally.

I see the vision for that, but I still want to get closure, even if the closure is someone telling me that they're not interested. I'm happy to take the hurt so I can move on.

I get that.

But then let's say all is done and we need to get over the ghosting. What do you do? Number one, face.

Reality it looks like this person isn't giving you what you need. It can help immensely to accept the fact, rather than adding to the story by ruminating, rationalizing, or excusing behavior classic anxiety techniques. Number two Allow your feelings. This is the point that I don't really understand, because a big part of like sitting with your emotions is just that, just sitting and allowing them. I don't know how that personally works. I would love to work towards it,

Have you heard of this?

No, It's when you write down everything, all the things you hated about them, feelings, and then you either like scrunch it up or you call a friend and recite the poem.

You've so done one of them. This one felt like an addition from your brain.

Well, it is here in wiki how But I did do that after my first relationship. I bought a diary and I would write down all the everything and I still have it to this day. And it was actually in my parents' house for a long time, and like the cup had been organized so I know my mum definitely read it had a little There was definitely some Yeah, we'll get into it.

A DNA is on that and up yourself case you should.

Have a bubble bath. Let's let's leave that one.

Avoid dwelling. That's quite a lot like the rumination point, and this one says.

Don't kind of counterintuitive because like feel your feelings, don't dwell. It's like, well, what are we doing? Then I'm gonna need to do both in order to do both.

They're definitely very different, but I can see how they're confused when you're in a state of our danger.

Don't contact them, I must agree with this one.

Don't give them the excitement of knowing that they let a hotty down. Okay, talk with someone. If you strugg into cope, find a new bay. Just joking, reach out to a mental health professional. I think people don't take this stuff seriously. Like you could be going on four dates with somebody they vanish, and then you feel really upset and you think, ohd but we weren't even in a relationship. Allow yourself to be disappointed. You are mourning what could have been, which is often way cooler than

They even really the one?

Yeah, and like you don't know what they actually like until like they've done a poo in the toilet and then you've walked past and gotten a waft to think about it that way, that's real intimacy. And finally, before we go, don't isolate yourself. Don't let it deter you from dating again. It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved it all.

And that's on that.

Froo meno through me boo mummy like smile you're listening to flex and rooms on cater coming through with a controversial concept that I have toyed with. No, I haven't, but I've talked about it quite a bit in my time. But no, because I think everything can be discussed and judged around and improved. And one of those things, or one of the things that I feel like, as a society we haven't really nailed as relationships, all of them,

Yes, yes, yes, And.

When we renew, we should discuss a few terms of the friendships. So I might say, Oh, I noticed we don't really do things together, Like we talk a lot, but we haven't really gone out together as friends. Can we integrate that for the next you know term? I love this, right?

Would you consider actually doing this?

I think it sounds fun.

Well, I guess we are technically you and I on a contract, but this is so separate to the other part.

Huh.

Well, we're in a professional contract, yes, but it overlaps. It only overlaps our friendship. I think by technicality, we wouldn't talk this much if we didn't work together. But the friendship we're building is very separate to work.

That's nice for you to say, I disagree. However, I really like this idea.

I think it's hard to like I'm someone who I would say, I guess I'm like, Oh, I'm a little bit insecure in friendships. Like I've definitely gotten a lot better as I age, but when I was younger, I kind of had to be like am I still your best friend? Am I still your best friend? And like when I felt like I'm not a really strong part of a group, like it sends me really like eats me up. So I like this idea, but it definitely

Oh really, I get obsessed.

With it, and I worry.

I think they're thinking about all these terrible things that I've done, Like am I bad person? Like did I really hurt their feelings? It's often about like have I like really hurt their feelings, like in a way that I didn't intend to, like not.

Realizing that I'm doing things.

So like, I think the contract is a really nice thing in theory, but you probably have to be coming to it from like a similar level of power. Like I think if there's like an insecure power dynamic, which is which often happens in certain friendships, like someone wears the pants in a relationship.

I really believe in that.

Then it makes this kind of thing a little bit harder to do in person. But I do like the idea of doing like four four times a year at checking. We haven't done this in a little while, because I think you do need to sit down and actually consider it.

If you have any thoughts on whether this would work or you've done it a relationship with expiry date, please dms on at flex and firms on Instagram. I'm really intrigued because I know it feels like one of those super progressive Internet theories that have no basis in real life. But I think we can pull out elements to be more intentional friends, partners, children, cult like coworkers or whatever.

This reminds you of my Rules for Life rule, which was about neutralizing trauma dumps with funny things all ways you connect. This is so important, and I think the idea of like penciling in an analogue time to go through and say, oh, I really like it when we do this.

Can we do this?

Because you totally see an increase in your relationship health when you do stuff like this. It's like when you live with a housemate and you say I'm going to cook dinner this time, try and do it once a week or like with family. My family don't have that many traditions. We just have a tradition where we'd every Christmas and on the stairs of my house, like outside on the porch and all to a family photo. It's cute.

Nowadays, I do a gingerbread house every Christmas. That's my.

That's my contribution. And I really like the idea of doing rituals. So I think like a really big part of maintaining relationships is doing your rituals. But also like I don't think you should push yourself to try new things because you think it'll make a better.

Like no, no, I think the relationship expiry day. It's not. And this is someone who can be avoidance. It's very easy for me to be like, what about we just end things? But no, it's more so a permission to assess the relationship because it works on both spectrums. If you feel like you won't even engage in a relationship because of the fear that it's going to go on longer than you're comfortable with it, or you don't feel like you know how to behave to really express what

Like we did do lots to go like araund did we We didn't? Oh my god? And there was that really scary man, Yeah, what the hell?

But imagine if I was like, yeah, you know, we did that one time. We didn't do anything after? You like, is anything else you want to bring up?

Like?

Am I a mad friend?

You get your back up?

You get your back up, of course, So and that's that's a chill thing. Imagine if I was like, you know what, I just feel like you were spending a little bit too much time together and I just need to hit that would hit different. So I think it gives you permission to say this is where I'm at. For me, right, I'm one of those friends where you know, if we didn't go to dinner for six months, I wouldn't think anything of it. I'd be like, oh, you just live in life, right, But you're saying you're the

That's why I'm very very good at bringing things up, like very good. If you say you're a little bit off, I will easily bring it up, just because I know what it's like to not yeah, And I prefer to bring things to the surface because they're always pretty much worse than I imagined.

And I think it's a quality much worse new imagine or not worse than you imagine.

They're never as bad as I imagined.

Yeah, and now I've like cultivated a lot of friendships where we are very honest with each other and if we're mad at each other, like we'd be like I need time, and we just know that we'll come back together or sometimes we won't come back together and be as close and like because we've been so honest with each other, there's like every stone has been unturned.

You need to do that. I love and I hate this phrase because I always get it nipping it in.

The bud, nit it in the bud bud.

Anyway, but I really like addressing things straight away, even when it's a little bit. And I remember both took. I was having this conversation with a friend and she kept nagging me, and I was like, this is a strange habit you've picked up, babe. I don't like it. I don't like when you talk about yourself that way, but me leave me out of it. I'm not being the butt of your joke because you're feeling some kind

Babe?

You're feeling extra comfory with me today. I don't need the comfort if it's gonna feel like this, and I'm like, it's gonna it's annoying now, but you're gonna thank me in a week's time when we're not beefing.

Well, you and I good at that.

I think yeah the other week when I am in a batterly common on your outfits all the time, just because I'm like, my brain's real smooth at times, I don't know what else to say. Yeah, And you're good at like it's you. I think you're good at, like explaining why you don't like certain things. It's often like I haven't thought about it in that way, and oh yeah, fuck, that's so fair enough. And I find I have to be really kind to myself. That sounds silly, but.

Like, no, it's good because you don't take it. I get what you're saying. The idea, it's like, you're not going to beat yourself up about it because it's nothing to be beefing about. But people find that hard to deal with, you know, the idea if it's a problem, I would tell you. Some people wouldn't tell you, so I get why you're freaking out. But if it's a problem, I'll tell you.

And it's good to learn how to like not feel guilty, just like say, yes, I've learned that. Now I'm not going to be I'm gonna a way that I think negates it is like trying to actually think, like how do you feel about that?

To want to tell me how? Why does she that way? Oh that makes sense? Why? Okay? Cool, that's easy for me to not do.

So maybe we're not advocating for relationship expiry dates, but perhaps a check in that's not like malicious or super hectic or even formal. I think it's just like a date in the calendar. How you going? Because people go through stuff. Do you know one thing I've been noticing in twenty twenty three as I'm doing my little cursory

Oh, you'll know if we're together.

Oh, I will always know if going through it. And that's a good thing. But generally we need more permission to lean on our people, and in order to lean on out people effectively, you have to know how to know what you're feeling and express how you're feeling. And that's the bigger burden.

And also love unconditionally as unconditionally as you can.

Yeah, yeah, pick and choose. Are you gonna do that?

Actually?

Not with us?

Not with us?

No, but no, it's not even loving unconditionally. But it's a good habit in accepting people how they are. I always find people eat. I always find I get my feelings more hurt when I won't accept people for how they are. You're with Flex and Freemies miss you buy kitas flex and FROMS Flex and FROMS.

FLEXI have you seen the deep fakes that have been coming around lately.

Yeah. I saw a new strain the other day, like a voice based deep fake, which I was confused by.

Oh my god, I haven't even heard that.

Somebody was speaking. He said, you'll notice I sound just like Kanye, but I'm not Kanye. We're like, oh, yeah, you do. But we couldn't tell how good his voice, how good the deep fake was until he put in his real voice and we were like, whoop.

Right, so you could talk into a machine and it would make you.

Like selfie video. He was speaking and we were like, that sounds just like Kanye. He's like, it's a new deep fake audio AI thing. It was sick.

That's amazing. So we've had like we've been talking a lot about Chat AI on the no sorry chat GPT. For some reason, we.

Can never say chat bbchi.

Chat Chiby and I've seen an explosion lately of these super super realistic deep fakes, and the ones that had been circulating have been a lot of politicians, Like there was one of Trump the other day getting.

What would you say, He's like getting accosted by a whole bunch of policemen. He's going down.

WHOA, that looks real. It looks so really getting spear tackled by six policemen.

It looks a little bit like a painting. But I think if you're over the age of X y Z or you have.

I mean, if im just sorry, like, oh that must be happening, why would you think it's fake?

Because it looked a little bit like a painting, like if you didn't have your glasses on, if you look at it closely, get close on Twitter you can go at Elliot Higgins and see yourself.

Have a look.

FLEXI like there's a bit of painterly esque to it. One of them circulated in Australia. I know this because my dad. I was at home and my dad said to me, hey, have you seen Richard Wilkins get in trouble? Richard Wilkins a broadcaster, because he knows that I've worked with his son before, Christian, and I said no, And I was like, oh, I saw him getting in trouble with the police. I couldn't be bothered at the time, so I didn't engage.

Then later on I saw that there was a deep fake of Richard Wilken's like getting arrested in a park. Parents are all over it.

Yeah, they would be.

And apparently this is leading to like cynicism about the news, so people are not like believing the news.

And I see this happen.

Oh, this feels a like really insidious way to get people off news that it's actually important. You desensitize them by introducing too many hoaxes and then when actually something worthy of seeing happens and be like, no, I don't believe it. Too many fakes around. Damn.

I don't like the route wear going down. So all I'll say is I think, like a lot of these counts that share them do try and say this is AI, but people don't read you reshare it, and you're gonna lose that information. So rip Hopefully we don't find any of ourselves.

We'll just pray.

But I mean it would be cool you get some art done by somebody of you on a platter.

Yeah, well, people often draw out of me, which I love because I think that we don't take enough care to immortalize ourselves. You know. It's like all this digital stuff, it's gonna go one day and it's gonna be nothing to show for us. I want to see how it evolves, and I think this is the issue with the Internet just existing in such a lawless way. I like that people are having a bit of fun with it, but

Yeah, we'll revisit. You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast. For more, tune in to cater on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.