How To Break Up With Your Therapist 💔

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Just like that, we are back. Feels good to be home.

We feel comfortable in the podcast space. It's unbridled time to at so many listeners were killing it as per usual, no surprises here today we're talking about therapy, though, I feel as though my understanding of it and I appreciation for ebbs and flows as someone who is very indoctrinated and maybe even a bit like radicalized by the self development space, I think it's a very slippery slope to convince people that they're forever working progress, because like you're

But now is also good. Skip the books, scat the box just is life.

So for me, is gonna tell us how to break up with the therapists. She's been to quite a few, as she reveals, Oh, plot twists.

It's giving unstable, just joking.

Flex and Fos, I have been four weeks wanting to read craft and unpack my house. It's been months and like, of course there's not boxes everywhere, but the finishing touches, the art on the wall, that's not really happened. So like I feel like I've been a bit of a weird mood. But as always, the Internet delivers with interesting facts. Have you or have you not heard of the strikesand effect?

I have?

But i'll hear here, get out here here?

What is it?

Then don't I'll do it.

It's a phenomenon that occurs when an attempt to hide, remove, or sense information has the unintended consequence of increasing awareness of that information. For example, let's say someone's making a video online they say, don't look at my pimple. Okay, so now I'm looking. Or even a people patch, I'm paying attention. Maybe you wear shapewear to appear smaller, but then it's created a weird role in your thigh.

Now I'm staring at it.

It all happens every now and then, but the fact that it was created or this term was conceived when Barbara Streisand was trying to remove an image of her house off the Internet because she wanted privacy, and by speaking about it drew more attention to the house, people try to find it. You know how it goes.

I feel for it. So what is the moral of the story.

If you don't want someone to notice what you're doing, don't mention it.

I read about this or I saw this in the Reputation Rebuild the Inside program on Binge and a lawyer was saying, how so many people do defamation cases, but it backfires because all your stuff gets drenched up. So if you are worried about your reputation being slandered, just forget about.

Just leave, don't do the lead. Damage is done. The only person that wins are the lawyers. Yeah, and that fee is high, behigh.

Flex and Frooms Now, I don't often have a bone to pick.

That's a lie, but we'll continue this week.

I've been particularly feisty, like a chihuahua that's going a little bit psycho okay, okay, jumping around, yapping around the other day, I get a PayPal notification twelve dollars left your account. I go, what the hell is that about? Because, as you know, I don't spend money on men exactly. It's transactions. There should be no outgoing transactions from Frooms's account.

Twelve dollars.

Ago, what's that click? In New York Times subscription? Now ard listeners?

Yeah?

Word, I want to say.

June through me expressed a bit of a gripe that she had trying to cancel her New York Time subscription. Let's cut to it now, you trying to unsubscribe from the New York Times. Nightmare, nightmarish. So you said that you wanted to click a button and they had advised you to talk to a bot.

They said, call, Oh, call, They're in the USA. Yes, So I get the chatbot.

There you go.

Chatbot has a name, clearly a bot, and saying I want to cancel. Are you sure I want to cancel? We can give you fifty percent off. I want to cancel. You are making this too difficult for me.

Stop.

So, as you've heard, now through Me aka Karen is upset, but fortunately was able to cancel her New York Times subscription. So why in September is she getting a notification for a transaction.

Of twelve dollars for a subscription? She does not have.

Riddle meat this. Now, if you cast your mind back, you know that the process of canceling your New York Times subscription is not easier, straightforward.

You can't hear mail. I heard it. Oh yeah, it's.

Difficult as existing in this studio alongside flex.

Sorry May, Sorry.

So again I have to go to the chatbots. And I don't want to be mean. I'm over being mean in Era. I'm ready to be nice. And I say, hey, so I canceled my subscription back in May, and yet I've been charged for s Timber in August. What's going on? Please cancel asap. Then I got to wait five minutes for them child. Then I go back and I say, they go, let me check the account. Another five minutes gone. I'm festering in bed. I need to get up, but I can't exit the browser. I can't and they say

Police must be part of Like I don't want to go conspiracy theorists, but if you're someone like me, I'm not in my bank statement, I'm not seeing the ingoing outgoing transactions. Stuff just happened and then I see it if I see it. When I see it, think of the hundreds of thousands of people who would have transactions come out from a subscription they thought they canceled and had it literally.

I don't know if it was clearly something went wrong.

Something's off.

You know how they say that the business model in gyms, it's they're almost banking on you not going so they can take your money and not have to provide a service to you. Maybe that's what the New York Times is doing. No defamation, no defamation, no deformation.

Willing to have a representative become on the show and apologize personally.

Bring the CEO, bring the CFO.

Actually, I need to know how many people are being charged for a service that they thought they canceled.

Meanwill You're not the only one.

I've got a daily newsletter from the New York Times that I've been paying for hitting met box every day. I will six to my Cidney Morning Herald subscription. Please and thanks. Yeah, with regards.

This is flex and frooms on Flexi.

As I have spoken about before. I love the streaming service Binge.

Yeah. Look, so it's got HBO.

But my favorite show is, of course, American Horror Stories. It's an anthology horror stories with similar actors Sarah Paulson. They become different characters as like running through lines. It's fantastic. But I've got a friend and she loves watching true crime. So when she goes to sleep, she'll be listening to the girl on YouTube saying, so right, this is a story about this they sis and she was she died and she was buried under the.

House perfectly madered.

Yeah, walking home, and she was slaid, like really intense graphic things. But she will not watch American Horror Stories with me because it's scary. Can you understand this logic?

I don't understand it. I don't like it.

I the true crime thing is very interesting to me because it's one thing to have a bit of a generalized more but curiosity like oh, what was that weird thing that happened? Or you saw a dock over down then? But the true crimes, especially how they say that, like it's disproportionately women who like run that genre, Like you also had a little bit derayanged with the way that you're able to just like suppress the the sheer gore

So once I hadn't been rinsed as much.

Even worse, you know, something's happened in twenty twenty and you're talking about it as you apply your contour.

I don't know, doesn't sit right with me. It's a bit weirdol personally, but I think her whole thing was she doesn't like being shocked by scary, gory things. She'sn't like the physical feeling of being shocked. But personally, I don't really like listening to true crime.

But I think that's the bit, Like, I think it's the issue is people aren't really considering that, like, listen to you, true crime should shock you, it should scare you. Like it's not meant to be a chill like wind down to go to sleep type beat.

It's not meant to be like in the.

Car driving to work someone assothed me before I go to my own personal hellhole type beat, Like it's meant to be scary stuff.

This is flex and Frooms on Kita.

I truly didn't intend for this to be a dating episode, but here we are happy to be here, always happy to wait in on situations we're currently not experiencing.

Listen to this video I found.

Get ready with me for what would have been my fifth date except I got dumped. Yeah, it is over.

He basically got into an argument this week.

I didn't reply to him for like two days, which I know is like not very cool.

In my defense, I was not feeling well. It wasn't personal. I wasn't just like ghosting him. I just didn't feel like speaking to anyone long story, least long. He really didn't like that.

It set off like a whole chain of arguments until I was like, listen, let's just wrap this up.

It was just too much. I ghosted you for two days and we've been arguing about it for five Like it's not adding up.

But yeah, that's the st Sorry. That is from a TikToker called Chisholm.

Do you think that she overreacted or do you think that he overreacted?

Oh my god, I reckon. I've been in there. I'm the kind of person that if you go to me for two days, I'm off you completely, like we're not coming back. So I reckon. I'm in his camp.

I would say after five dates as well, you should. You should be comfortable and to be like, hey, I'm like I'm gonna be mia for a little bit, Like, don't stress out. I'm just having a I'm weighing out, you know, having a weird brain moment. If it was someone you had just had online conversations with, they'd be acting out of line. But I think it's really interesting how like she couldn't fathom why he would be frustrated.

What a way to go alone? Isolated? Yeah, I saided lonely exciting.

Had been a fun flex and froods FLEXI.

We both have been to therapy. We have We've done the work psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, general therapists. We've tried them all. It's been a great time. What a privilege and an honor.

And you can tell it's worked.

Yeah, i'd say so on Sundays. Anyway. I was seeing a therapist very briefly a few years ago, and after the third session I realized we're not gelling. What occurred next was that the next appointment came up in twenty four hours beforehand. I thought, I've got to pull the plug.

That's over.

So I message in say, hey, sorry, I can't actually do this.

Was it a text, an email?

Email? Can't do this appointment? Hopefully we can reschedule. Hits me back with the I have a forty eight hour cancelation fee, so I'll be charging you fifty percent. First time I considered, it's not like I rocked up blade or I said I'll gave your twenty four hours. Hit me with the forty eight hours. Instantly, I'm out of it, you never seeing you again. Do you think that was fair enough for her to do that.

It's tricky because the way that I view therapy and the way that I think that most people view it is it's a therapeutic process. It's tools that I'm given or taught to help me be a better person by feeling, doing, thinking better things. The person that is meant to be the conduit to help you do that, you would assume they would be the most accommodating, the most agreeable, the most charming, the most open to ensuring that, however, you need to receive this service works in a way that's

I'm all forward a product.

I think the second time charge with the cancelation, but when we've wrote together for three sessions, it's leaving a bad taste in my mouth. However, I wanted to leave you with some tips on how to break up with your therapists.

I'll thank you from all your experience.

Well, just here are some science. If you're seeing psychologists and any of these pop up, just recon see whether or not it's worth the one hundred and eighty dollars in each session one. You're not making progress if it just keeps going back to the childhood drama. We're not getting anywhere.

That's right, I tapped out. Yeah right.

It's a hard hump to get over. Number two. Your therapists can't meet your treatment needs, for example, if they don't specialize in your chosen area of being disordered. Number three, you don't feel comfortable being vulnerable with your therapist. That can happen.

It's a tricky one because I don't think people are comfortably being vulnerable generally.

It's got to cultivate a safe space. You can't schedule appointments regularly because they're not available. That means they're trying to break up with you. You know what, I'm gonna care to this session. I would love to speak with someone who's been broken up with by their therapists.

There we go, get that one down, Brookie. Yeah, I'm gonna leave it there. But I've actually got a friend I might call him up and see next time. So by now I think that you've heard my positive story about therapy, the fact that I went to this psychotherapist and he treated me for my nightmares, which I didn't know. We're an underlying symptom of my anxiety that I wasn't feeling in the conscious hours because I'd suppressed it. Amazing

You don't understand what a psychotherapist is.

Susion like trained in both areas of psychiatry and therapy, and depending on what you require, they can like assess you. But for me in particular, a lot of therapists orient their work in a way that is meant to be about what you consciously are aware of feeling, experiencing your in real life experience.

Whatever.

Psychotherapist, from my understanding, he integrated a lot of like neuro therapy, new linguistic programming, what's happening in your brain, what are you experiencing subconsciously, what is your language exposing about the way you feel about the world, et cetera.

Big huge castle, so beautiful?

Come look, you put a mote, you put a hedge, you say to people like this is for it's so beautiful. I want to watch, and then you make it difficult for anyone to get in.

So what is that?

I was like, h again, really fun exercise, right, but like that's the kind of approach we're getting into your brain.

What are your words saying about the way you feel, et cetera.

That's so cool. That seems like I think you'd have to be a really good psychotherapist.

Yeah, oh for it to work.

Well, yeah, Like he'd been around for ages, but that was the thing, Like he was really great at this very specific thing but had no cultural context for me, like white German guy. He was like, oh, I don't can't talk about race, can't talk about womanhood, can't talk to you about your lifestyle, can't talk about your career. And I'm like, okay, so I can't just like childhood trum on my way into understanding how to manage my lifestyle.

So it's not gonna work. But I remember trying to break.

Up with him was so difficult because he was like, yeah, like you only do a session a week. You want to go to a session of Fortnite, It's not going to be effective. And I'm like, okay, So I want to do therapy for tools to learn, tools I can use when I want them.

I'm not trying to uproot my life.

I feel fine and I want to feel slightly better, but not having to like spend five hundred bucks or two fifty a week to do so.

Like I'm good, Charlottean.

I don't think you get psychotherapy on the medicare, can you.

I don't think so. Yeah, he just made it really really difficult, and then I go to him.

Yeah damn. I mean I my first psychologist experience, I reckon.

I was like nine.

I think my mom went to the psychologist first and then tried to get me to go in. Obviously hated it just foral OCD vibes. I remember going in and thinking like fuck this. He was kind of like diagnosing what it was, and I was like, no, no, no, I can't be letting my routines go sir. None of this never coming back. Obviously, the OCD continued, became quite how do I say, disruptive, but then it went away. So yeah, I think it can be. I reckon. I've saw I've seen like I've seen quite a few, and

You do what you need to?

And then she messaged me last year because I was on this Channel seven show just like I just saw you on this show, Like I remember you telling me you really wanted to do comedy. It's so amazing. I was like, that is incredible, that's sweet. I remember you, Sis than you imagine if you're still a client patient client, nothing's client anyway. Breaking up with a therapist. We need to talk to someone who's been broken up with because.

That is by a therapist.

Savagery, flex and frooms.

I have some good news.

If you've ever felt like you've had an anxiety about what to say when messaging is someone on a dating app, Thankfully for you, there's an app for that, Like there's an app for everything.

Did I tell you I recently?

I was using this app to get my laundry done, and then I bought a washer and dryer instead because economically no free press. But my butler is, yeah, bought a washer and dry because it's like economically better in the long term, But why did that cost me five K? And also I'm putting my sheets in the dryer. Tell me why it's taking multiple cycles to just dry.

Some common sheets.

That's wrong.

It doesn't feel right, that's for sure. So anyway, we'll get into that later. But, like I was saying, there's a dating app that exists takes away the anxiety of messaging people by using AI to craft the perfect response for the person you're texting.

It's this whole thing. But listen to this.

Okay, guys, I don't know how I feel about this, but this is a new app I just discovered. It's called Keys, and it actually enables you to take a screenshot of messages in any dating app and then it gives you suggestions. It analyzes your conversation and it gives you three suggestions of what you could respond. Now, you guys probably know as a dating coach, I help a lot of guys with messaging on dating apps, and so this app kind of like automates that. So I don't

Why don't you worry about the men. I'm back to bamboozle with this app okay and my feminist king these guys both way. If anything, it might help the conversation.

I've started doing this thing recently where I don't fill in the gaps of conversation by asking questions. If people haven't asked me questions, it fixes it right quick because it's kind of like, oh wait, oh yeah, how is your xyz?

Did you go?

What is that?

Like?

Like, there we go?

I did that once and it's so awkward. So it's very upsetting when they don't actually take the hint. Then you know you're in for one.

How do you feel about that? Though?

I mean good, Like if the intention is right and we end up meeting up, if it's what's going to get them over the hump of you know, being able to communicate over text. Communicating over text is hard for a lot of people. It's different to communicating in person. What if you have like dyslexia or.

How did you say it?

Like they did mean to do that. I didn't mean that dyslexia. Why is the word dyslexia so difficult to say?

Literally?

But yeah, I think this app is fantastic for modern dating, and you step your game up in person.

You've been listening to the Flex and Frooms Daily podcast for more tune NEEDSIC on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.