The Flex in Frooms Daily Podcast, brought to you by Cana.
Hello everybody, this feels actually quite intimate to be speaking into the microphone when I know what's about to come up. Today's podcast was going to be about love languages. We do get this in parts slightly, but there was a bit of a supernatural experience that happened to me on this day, so we actually had to veer down more into that territory. Perhaps tomorrow on the podcast or next week we will go more into detail on the seven
love languages. So this is just my upfront apology. This is a bench you're on his own, and that's the only apology you'll hear from me this month, So enjoy.
Flex and Frooms.
I feel like it's my duty to bestow upon you the information. Are you trying to record me?
Well?
A camera pointed at me. Do you know those creepy men on the train?
What are you doing?
It was a mistake.
Drooms had her iPhone rested delicately at her hit bone camera eyeline with my face.
Isn't it funny, you know when someone's recording you?
But nah, that's what someone who wasn't recording me would say. But I think it's really important to not gate keep information. I think that a lot of us don't take into consideration how powerful it is to share what we know when we know it. I think we can make the assumption that, like, we just all know the same things about everything, and those like my souls who are always consuming information very isolating. I'm glad to share. If you come across the term energy vampire, yes, what is it?
In your opinion?
Someone who sucks energy out of you whenever you see them?
Mm hmm, anything else?
Yeah, just someone that you wouldn't necessarily want to hang around with. Hectic, right, and they often don't realize that they're doing it.
There we go ding ding ding ding ding. So an energy vampire is something that most people should be aware of. I've said it before. I improve my mind body connection, take stock of how I feel after interacting with certain people, because as like a extrovert, probably by nurture, not by nature. Before you know, I'm surrounded by people who just suck the life out of me, and then I'm left just like.
Just the bones, like like the pulp of the mango that little like mats all suck exactly.
So basically, energy vampires leave you feeling really drained after every conversation. They always want your non stop attention. People that require a lot of maybe like a lot of focus from you, require like everything that you have to give at any given point. They want the conversation to be about them. They can be really charming or charismatic or worthy interaction. It's not just like some weirdo who
you're like, there's nothing about this person that's redeeming. They might be quite likable people, but ultimately it is every interaction you have with them is for their benefit and for how you can bolster them self perception, their emotions, their feelings, their situations. And it's interesting because I've known about energy vampires for a long while. I'm the kind of person I don't do a hard cut off for people.
I just wean them off me by just ignoring them, because I used to be the hard cut and dry person without taking into consideration that people don't accept a hard cut off. Like you can say to someone, hey, I just really want to hang out with you anymore, say lovey so long? And then they're like but why, and like but what if? And I can change It's like, well this is too much. This is a me problem,
not a you problem. Let me go. But I recognized I had an energy vampire in my life, and only because I have been actively trying to avoid them, like going out of my way to like screen their call, say no to hanging out, because it is actually an out of body experience to deal with someone who is so self absorbed that they won't leave you alone. How did you?
Is the person going to hear this?
Maybe, but I feel like we've talked about this before, where it's like, if you think it's about you, it probably is.
Every anxious person ever is absolutely freaking out.
But like whom like, I feel as though being an outgoing person anyway, what I need to be mindful of is managing people's expectations of my relationship with them. And I never used to do that before. I would just let people like run wild, be like, oh, I'm gonna
hang out. But I recognized I had an energy vampire friend, and it honestly put me in like a paralytic state because I was like, oh, my goodness, I don't want to cut them off because they're emotionally fragile and mentally fragile, but also I can't deal with them like you're stressing me out. So I don't have a solution. But here's a wake up call for anyone else as a fellow energy vampire. If you've got any tools, any tips, tricks
of the trade, let me know. And this is coming from someone who is conflict positive but also recognizing that people are much more fragile than I realize. And it's almost not helpful to burden someone with the reality that they're burdensome too.
A lot of people can't take that. So yeah, it's kind of like the soft ghost of friendships. Yeah, well, anyone else in your life that's vampire.
Mmmm, leave vampires.
This is flex and frooms on kit FLEXI.
When was the last time you went and bought chocolate from the shops?
Not recently? Not a big chocolate eater? What mo lollygo? Oh okay, what we last lollies? The oh Alan's just released. You know, Frogs like traditional red frogs, but they have sour versions, so they're coated with sour flavoring. I think they're really nice. Most people that I recommend them to feel like they're really gross. I think the flavors don't make sense to people, like really sweet. And then a kick us out that and then after that killer pythons cool.
I once ate two killer pythons in a row and I got a headache. I've just never been up to eat them again. I respect that.
Anyway. I was in the lolly aisle last week, What are you going for? I was going up to a girlfriend's house, so I wanted two blocks of Cadbury. I got fruit and nut and then also the marble with a Cara milk.
Fruit and nut.
Yeah. Just that's like when you want to be a bit healthy. Oh.
I thought fruit and nut was the equivalent of gifting people handlation and candles for their birthday, but not like the bougie kind, like the kit you know, like the little party pack version is that twenty bucks for the three? You don't know someone will even to give them something secret, Sanna go on.
It's a secret Sanda of all chocolates. Anyway, standing there, the SuperM got I go to is very small, so it's very very narrow aisles, and there's this two men standing side beside me. We're all kind of loitering, and I was just watching them look to try and get their chocolate, and I thought, this is so intimate these two cool because.
You were standing so close, so close to each other, or.
No, it was something different. It's kind of like, I feel very close to you. You standing here like a little child trying to pick out what your favorite Chucky is. And so I made this TikTok. I'll play the audio and then i'll play what I wrote.
It's like explaining a joke. Weird, tricky one, isn't it? I my god, kis you want to me me? And they don't casket cat, I'll.
Come on, yes you do.
I'm ever might not put it down. You can have it.
So the audio is from CHERYLN. Barnes, who's this YouTuber. But basically I wrote, I love watching men choose their favorite Chucky in the loy Isle. It's so raw and vulnerable. What we little baba choose a Weiriker moment or perhaps a family sized caramel KitKat a Smarties Block two fifty G. Either way, I'm feeling emotional at the sight. Forty thousand likes.
Yeah, they like that one.
So this resonated and people were saying.
It was controversial. I thought it was only going to be received. It's just funny. It was funny, great audio, great clip, great little caption, A masterful TikTok. I really liked one, Thank you very much. I laughed out loud, Oh, we don't do that in twenty twenty two. TikTok twenty twenty TikTok definitely twenty twenty two. It's rare.
Well, here's some of the comments. This is what people feel about this. Why is it sweet when they literally do the simplest things a ha ha ha, like oh, he's sitting on the floor tying his little shoelaces. And then someone wrote, because it's nice to see them not violent always. And then someone said it's a shame that the stigma against men is like that when the majority of them are just choosing their favor jockey bar, you know. Someone said this is the opposite of vick.
How do we get here? Keep going with I love hearing these all comments. This is why I don't linger. I walk down the aisle, place my foot down and.
Pick a chocolate. As soon as my heel turns, I'm gone, just action, no thought to not be ogalled by women literally sorry haha. It's like us women picking what insignificant issue to ruin a day over. That's when I said enough of the comments, had enough. This was a safe space and you've absolutely ruined it. But yeah, that's my little TikTok, And think about it next time. I'd say, bring your boyfriend or your partner that is maybe considers himself to be a boy.
What do you think it is about them? Like, you've made the TikTok, but you have not explained what informed the joke. I'll give you thirty seconds. We are on a time crunch.
I think it's funny because you think of a little kid in a candy store and the idea that you're sitting there or you're standing there looking at all these different choices. Obviously, when they're looking at the different choices, they're imagining in their head, Oh I'm going to eat what's this one going to taste? Like? Like, Oh, I'm going to go home and eat this?
Like but just for men? Yeah, women don't.
No, I don't feel it for women. Something about men. Maybe it's it's like an old school thing because when men didn't shop like a bygone era. Yeah, my dad doesn't know how to shop.
This is flex and frooms O miss for me.
You're familiar with the five love languages, aren't.
You, gifts, affection, tell me them again.
Gifts, treating them nice. The five Love Languages were developed by this dude called Gary Chapman, essentially an approach to maintaining harmonious romantic relationships by identifying how your partner wants to be loved and how you comfortably show love right, because what ends up happening a lot of dynamics is that people are like, oh my god, of course they know I love them. I always cook, And then the other ones like, of course they know I love them.
I always watch TV with them, and you're like, what that doesn't work for me. So the five Love Languages have been referenced all across the Internet for a bajillion years. They are words affirmation, which is compliments, saying nice things, acknowledging when someone's done something good. You know, there's receiving gifts or giving gifts. We know what that is. Physical touch, which which is also non sexual touching, hugging, caressing, that
kind of stuff. There's quality time, which is spending time with one another intentionally to do stuff together. And then there's also acts of service, which is doing stuff for your partner, making their lives easier by taking on some of that load for them.
Do you know what your.
Love language is or better yet, do you have a preference of how you like to show love versus how you like to receive love.
I like to be touched, you do, Yeah.
I do? Hit through me with you know, a weekly neck massage. Get right in there, squeeze the back of the necks.
She loves that delicious pull down the bit behind my ears is my cat trace. I like physical touch, and I like getting gifts, and I like being told that I'm good. And I probably would give words of affirmation as my thing that I give.
Why don't you give the others?
I don't not interested in acts service, really, I don't have time for that. I just want to be the fun one. You get little kisses and a nice word, and then we go and get someone else to do everything.
Sounds like a babysitting. You get little kisses and a nice word, you know, we head out. Yeah that's pretty fair. I'm like a words affirmation ye person, but only because that's very easy for me to do. And people are compliments starved, let me tell you. And people should be validating. But I prefer acts of service. I'm big on that. But I was raised in an acts of service family, so you know, I'm used to being treated like a little princess. Think about it. I was raised in a
household what I was always called princess and boss? What do you think that did to me? Are you actually my mum called me boss, she called me princess, My brothers call me boss.
It all makes sense.
It makes so much sense.
Wow.
Receiving gifts, which is a very interesting one that one gets a bad rap and was like, it's so superficial, quite sweet, receiving just getting a little.
Box of shoes.
Yeah, if it's a thoughtful gift, that's, you know, right on the money. I'm like more of this.
When you got me the Shrek croc tublets?
Yeah?
Whoa exercise of slutter.
The fact that there are seven love languages affirms that there's so much to get wrong about love, Like why are we making up new rules this far into civilization? I feel like we should have gotten them down pat by now. But it's not made by the same guy,
Gary Chapman. This was made by this person called Molly Owens, who definitely said she leaned on Gary for like the theory, but decided that her approach to love languages tast into consideration that gender norms have changed, and so our expectations of romance has changed as well. In particular, like Chapman's book talks a lot about like housework and when the man comes home from work and the women's at home, and these things just don't take into consideration that, like,
not all households like that. So, without further ado, here are the seven love languages. The first is activity. I was like, what does that mean? It means these people feel special and valued when their partner actually takes interests in their hobbies and activities. Appreciation These people feel loved and adored when their partner shows them, showers them and compliments,
praises and appreciation. Emotional, these people feel like they can connect with their partner and be supported through the toughest of times. They feel very valued by someone who validates their emotions. Financial, they feel loved when they have a partner who is very generous with their money and sees the value in giving, giving experiences, sharing resources, helping each other make money. Intellectual, these people want to connect through
the mind. They value opinions, difference in opinions, respecting opinions healthy debate, open communication, thought for discussion. Physical these persons, these people, these persons. These people feel really validated through physical affection like hugs and holding hands. The last one is practical. These people feel most loved when their partnership in with everyday practical duties and responsibilities. A lot doesn't really roll off the tongue at the five. Dude, this feels like an essay.
Slam poetry.
Slam poetry. I was like, how am I meant to remember these?
Okay? Okay, So one of my love languages, yeah, I'm going to get your our messages up is sharing things with partners. So I love being honest and like sharing things about my life. I like it when you take an active interest in my activities, and so we often talk. This is a bit of like a segue that we didn't think we were going to take.
But I didn't know we were taking this, so maybe I did just holding onto the chair. Yeah, like we let's go.
Okay, So we believe is a politiceist in our studio. There's some sort of ghost like creature that lives among us as we record and friend, Yeah, I just went to the toilet before, and it's a stinky toilet.
We don't really need to pipes in this toilet. They just feel like, whatever the wherever the feces are meant to go, they've not been emptied out.
The cater family dropping heat in the cubicles, now please. I actually recorded the craziest sound that I heard. I sent it to your phone. I was literally freaking out. You go to make sure it's on the microphone.
Is that you pooling? Can I tell you? With the way that this bit was set up, I have to commend you because we were just out there. For me runs into the common area. She's like, oh my goodness, something happened to me in those bathrooms. Did you did you see what I said? Did you hear what I said you? I was like, nah, babe, I didn't. My phone's over there. It's like, oh my god, we have to talk about it. I had an experience with the poltergeist.
I was like, okay, cool, we'll talk about it. No stress. We get here. We're trying to have a civil conversation about love languages using decorum and a wide vocab, and three me derails that conversation. So we can listen to a voice from you doing what.
I don't nothing.
It was a little anyway, or was it? It was airy? It was liquid.
I told you in the previous break we were talking about having a saw ummy.
You did, you said you were curdling.
I know what we're going to do, fart in the studio because my love is being thoughtful and considerate.
It's the second one that's especially grows ill. You're a feral beast, but I love this makes you so stoked. I want to relate because these feel like this is joy radiating, radiating out of you. This is not like casual like that was funny.
Okay, it's enough.
Do you want to talk us through your setup? Okay? Some what like in between us eating doughnuts, you have a curdling stomach then running to the bathroom. At what point did you think I'm gonna record this?
Because I was sitting on the toilet and I went to like, in between the breaks, you have to go do other work, you know, And I was gonna send a voice memo to a colleague of mine and you can me pissing in it? Are you eat me? Like?
Oh got here?
It's gonna make great materials. And I just pushed a little bit. Oh yeah, someone in the tank. Open up our messages, hit the record.
But what was in the tank was that a far.
Why are you making me? Why are you humiliating me like this me humiliating you.
This is self prescribed humiliation.
No, no, it was a little poo.
It was pooh.
It was like the middle of my guts, like at the core of my being. I can't believe you're making me recall this. This is absolutely disgusting.
This is foul. Actually, this is set up. Now what the social media this?
You're a savage beast. Let's get back to what we wanted.
This is why we have to have a very interesting conversation about perception versus reality. Everyone thinks Rooms is a pretty delicate princess, and nobody think the most bush piggery of bush pigs. Ever, this is unprovoked bush piggery. This is like premeditated bush piggery. I've never experienced this before in my life.
Listening to Flex and Frooms on Kada.
Despite what you might think, we are not twins.
Oh yeah, that's come up quite a bit.
It's a weirly weird, isn't it.
I guess yeah, separated at birth.
He would have thought you know, technically we could be we could have the same mother.
Yeah we could.
We don't, but we could, and that's what matters anyway. In twenty thirteen, when Anaia Sportyas saw a YouTube video of Samantha Footman, who looked exactly like her, she Facebook messaged her and discovered they were both adopted and born on the same day. They were identical twins, separated at birth who'd found each other through happenstance.
And social media. That's awesome. Did I tell you about my cosmic twin? No? What? Why haven't I spoken about this? Tell me my cosmic twin is somebody who I met online, they followed me on Instagram or currently do. But we were born in the same hospital on the same day, in the same ward.
How did you figure out the ward?
Well, because I googled, or I asked my mum and then I googled what was the ward that? Like? How many wards were there at the hospital were built that I was born in. She's like it was just the two and she was like on the day, she was saying that on the day that she had given birth, she was moved from one war to another because of like some kind of issue, so like there was only one Ward really, so like it must have been ours. Anyway, It's pretty hectic because that's my twin.
Wow, well these she's actual twins, not just in the same ward cosmic twins. Cosmic twins. Apparently, I'm going to read this story. Not long after they connected on Facebook, future Men in Body Us set a date to skype a conversation that would last three hours. It was like going on a blind date. I didn't know what to ask. We talked about everything about how we came about and what our friends were saying. We compared our noses, our teeth, our ears, our hands. We talked about when we got
our periods, when our current boy friends status was. We talked until we were staring at each other and it was like I have to pee. They discovered similarities beyond their long hair and spray of feckles across their henosis. Both hate bell peppers and cooked carrots, prefer coke to PEPSI no spon con relished koreene, barbecue and Halloween, and
require a napp when stressed relatable. And we'll go get our haircut on the same day and we'll show up with the same nail polish color, always without talking about it. How cool is that?
I like that?
And then, in May twenty thirteen, Futuremen and her family flew to London to Meat Bordier, a then graduate fashion design student living with their parents, with.
Too much information, what's happening?
When the twins came face to face in the living room of the Airbnb apartment in Hackney, all they could do was stare, Wow, that's a wow moment.
That's awesome.
I love that it happened to be just spun gone for PEPSI yeah, coke, Yeah, B and B shower out to twins book. Yeah. I don't want to say what I want to say about twins, but why is there that's mean?
There?
Twins are cool.
You've been listening to the Flex and Frooms Daily podcast for more Tune needs Decater on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.