Flex and Frooms Flex and Firms. This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast The Girlies I Freeman.
I spent a lot of time discussing and unpacking dating culture because I believe it gives us permission to interweave a few of the things we've learned in life without being prescriptive or preachy. A couple of weeks ago, we were discussing our social media manager's experience on the dating apps, and she was currently being negged, which I just didn't know if you paid in freumnight Bell and you were
that meant up until a couple of weeks ago. It's when somebody purposely says demeaning or rude things to you to lower your self confidence so you want to sleep with them. We just feel so round about and manipulative, but it's being done in real time. And I said in the same conversation that I have a really fun time dating because I advocate for princess treatment, to which our social media managers is like, what is that? What is princess treatment, to which I said, fear not, let
me give you a crash course. So princess treatment is exactly what it sounds like being treating like a princess in the dating context. You could be a princess of Genovia, a princess of the monarchy, whatever it might be. We understand that there's a standard to be upheld. It's someone who's respected. Indeed, the time you spend together is appreciated. You understand their value. It's innate. But you also recognize your role to protect a nurture and feed into that.
And you might be thinking this is very oldie worldy for a modern girl boss like you. I feel like the fundamentals are just basic one oh one chivalry, but it gets messed up in this modern dating because it's kind of like a lawless jungle place. So what I wanted to do is figure out kind of a way to impart some tips and tricks and feedback that I use to make sure that the dating experience that I
have is pretty pleasurable and exciting. Number One, in general, people are constantly making snap judgments about your worth and how they'll consequently treat you within moments of meeting you. I don't care whatever context it is people snap judgment, but whether they're gonna hold the door open for you, whether they're gonna greet you, whether they're gonna laugh with you, play with you, share with you, and it happens immediately. It happens even more so in dating snap judgments when
they're swiping and matching. How am I gonna treat this person? Why will I treat them a certain way? So keep that in mind when you're positioning yourself romantically, patonically in the world, and act accordingly.
I'm telling you, I've said it before.
People make snap judgments immediately on how they'll treat you based on their first interactions with you. The only way to get princess treatment is to be perceived as a princess. This is not role play, babe. This is not I'll put on the red lipstick for the night and present might as well as a princess. Everything about you needs to read to the person that you're trying to attract
that it is what it is. For example, I was reviewing a friend's profile with her dating profile, and she was talking about how she really wants like dates that are memorable, like you know, nice, and she wants to go on adventures and stuff, and like every single photo you have is a mirror selfie low quality for ADP drier in what world. Are you presenting that you want to be wined and dine. Let's just switch some of those out. It's a very simple thing you can do.
Don't act dumb, don't act dim witted. You know exactly what this is. Number two, anything that you perceive to be a standard of princess treatment you should be doing for yourself.
Yes, so if you feel.
As though, oh this person needs to be doing XYZ, you need to be doing that. You dating them can't be your first introduction to this life you're trying to live.
It's a sham. They'll see right through it. Okay.
The second thing, or the third thing, the most important is you can't oscillate and pendulum swing between princess treatment and I'm just happy.
To be here.
Ooh, we've all made the moss like do you know what I mean when you start going from this is what I want, this is what I deserve, this is what I'm getting to. Oh, but I'm just happy somebody matched me. Unmatch them again, unmatch them. I've been telling the girl all year. The people that you're keeping your hinge likes for validation, get them out of there. They're clogging up the space. They're making you feel special, it's
not special. Delete it. The fourth tip, your profile and your messages have to reflect your reality or the reality that you're seeking. You get six pictures and six prompts to show the world who you are.
Do what you will with them.
One of my best performing prompts I ever had was that I was high maintenance.
That's crazy. See, I would think it's crazy.
What do they say because everyone's like, but how high maintenance? What's high maintenance about you? Or you want a dinner to go on a dinner day that's not himaenus? What you want to travel that's not himnus? Well you want me to plan something that's not himans because you said it.
You said it, you're something on yourself. You said it, So let's do it.
And the last one, Oh, I don't want to say it's the most important, but I swear it's the one that everybody gets wrong. I've seen the girlies do it. I've seen the boy bosses do it, and it's.
Messy every time. You're telling yourself every time, go for it. I'm not.
I'm not looking for anything serious, but I'll change you. I mean, no part of me please. So that's Okay, I love when you contribute.
The thing you all need to stop doing is when given an opportunity to talk about your dating experience so far, don't downplay. Don't say you've had bad experiences. Don't say the last person treated you poorly. Don't say you never get asked out on dates. Don't say no one ever buys your drinks. Don't say you always have to pay.
Don't, don't, don't, don't. Don't.
You are painting a picture that says you will accept low quality again and again and again, and they're next in line to treat you poorly.
The girlies are nodding. The girlies are nodding ferociously.
You ask me, what's your What's what's hingeing for you? It's amazing. Everybody's so nice here.
I'm just having such great experiences and it's been really awesome. I'm like having the best time. Really why, just like really amazing dates, fresh experiences. Everybody's really consistent and communicative, and it's so nice to just be in this environment.
That's what you're saying.
Whatever I've heard the hobbies are on Tinder these days as well. I couldn't believe it.
Really, my housemate and had her boyfriend. They're out here.
Whatever it might be, bumble even I don't care what platform it is that you're using. Be so mindful of the narratives that you're telling, because what do we do when we start dating people. We take what we what they say as verbatim. It paints the most clear picture of the experience we're about to have. Oh, it's so strange, Like he said he wasn't really looking for anything serious, but then also he said that he's really interested in like seeing me in six weeks. What does that mean?
Holding onto it the moment you say, Oh, I just like, nobody really ever asks me out, nobody really ever takes me real anyway. It's sad, it's shameful, and it's setting you up so failure. I promise you. And I'm not saying lie, but if you want to lie, do that. But I'm just saying, especially in these temporary interactions, I'm not saying, to paint a picture that you're not matching up with, but be very mindful of what you're communicating about your reality because people are just going to fit
the bill. Yep, the stories I promised you. I was dating a guy recently. I was after two weeks of dating. He said, I don't know if I can do this anymore. What I said, why not? I'm very confused. We're having a really great time, so I can't afford this lifestyle. I said, what do you mean you can't afford this lifestyle.
I'm very confused.
We're gone on cute little adventures, museums, dinners, like the vibes are up and he's like, I feel like I've spent more than a grand in the last two weeks just hanging out with you.
I said, yeah, I said, did you not want to do that? I know, I don't really understand.
He was like, I'm so scared of me for like, and I'm like the first the first and when you were planning our first day, you said I want to take you somewhere nice and boogie. Yes you said that, you said nice, boogie and expensive the receipts you didn't want to do that. He's like, no, I want to do that. I really want to do it. I just
don't think I can. And I was like, so, is there any room in this, like this utopia we're creating where we can revise this like unsaid rule that's been created because I'm, like you said, a standard based on how you perceived me, and I love that. Take me somewhere in there, whatever, whatever, whatever. But also you're now exhuming yourself from the room because the standard I've set and what I've projected seems like it's out of touch.
Okay, let's revisit it.
Let's revisit when I was deep moving to the girlies, I said, it's better than the alternative. It's better than someone saying I made an assessment. I'm not spending anything on you. I'm not interesting anytime, and this is just not worth it for me now. What I will say, and especially because all we know is heterosexual dating, no take it back or willing to share publicly, is a heterosexual dating experiences, I'm.
At willing to share it publicly.
And what I know about heterosexual dating is the same thing that my mum told me, the same thing my grandma told me, the same thing my auntie told me. It's the same narrative. It doesn't change because we aren't that unique. People appreciate what they invest their time into. Everybody wants to be worthy of something they think that they can't attain. That's not to say the position yourself is something that's not attainable, but you know it's not attainable.
Nice qualities be someone who's endearing to be around, who's vulnerable, who's exciting, who's open, who's consistent, who's reliable, whose words match their actions. Those things are just as valuable as getting wined and dying. But you just don't want to hear it. You don't want to hear it. Also, please stop with the like assuming that the thing that you want in this dating concept is too much to ask for. It never really is. People know the transaction. People went
to war for a bit of puss. People have gone to war for a bit of puss, A little something. You think this person won't take you out on a date for it. People have literally wrote lifetimes of poetry about a person they looked at once. Yeah, person they glanced out on the train. I felt that from Paris to fucking Berlin, and you think they what are you talking about? I just feel like it's not like you're undermining yourself. Every time you say i'll take a crumb, thank you, I'll take a scrap.
A scrap is fine, I'm not even hungry. Meanwhile, you're emaciated your ways a good way, I will say, FLEXI being with you.
We're both in the dating in the dating world, definitely active in the dating world. You've taught me a lot, thank you, and we have done many revisions. We've been through the trenches these past eighteen months of working together. There's definitely been ups and downs.
We definitely, I.
Think, brought out in one another the propensity to get near it. Yeah, which has been so important as girl boss.
I mean, you've thought, you you listening, You've seen it, You've seen I said, what was I saying this time of year? Guys, so the hot girls aren't rooting. I take it back, I said, I can change that. I can change it.
I can do this.
And what I will say in conclusion, yes, do as I say and as I do if you're about that life X Like disclaimer, do as I say and do as I do if you're about that life. Because this is not one of those things you can fake. People see right through it, like when you put on a performance, you're like, this is what I deserve, this is what I l l l l LA. Just be about it, be about it. Don't be afraid to snip it off
if it's not right. Don't be afraid to say the thing that's a little bit uncomfortable for the greater good. Don't be afraid to let people know they're not the only one. Like whatever you need to do in the realm of what you're comfortable with, because you have to keep it up. Yeah, if you can't fake the princess treatment, then don't worry about it. If you don't have the budget to beat your own princess treatment, don't worry about it. If you just want casual but you think your friend's
going to judge, you, don't worry about it. If you're looking for your soulmate. Yeah, what I told my soulmate, I said, I want to cut open your stonum and I want to live in your skin.
That's where our mom. And then you sent me a picture back of a Stoneum, he gets it. That's where I mom. You know what I say.
Tommy and I we get to cater what do we do. We sit down, touched up on each other, give me a little massage because she loves physical touch, gives me a little massage, and we sue each other.
That's what we're on babe. Yeah, you won't even you won't even hug your friend. Get on that. So if you're about it, let me out of it. So see you tomorrow. You've been listening to the Flex and Frooms Daily podcast.
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