The Flex and Rooms Daily podcast brought.
You ay yeah yeai.
You know I said to you a couple of weeks ago through me that I'm trying to do big thoughts all the time.
I just don't have.
Stop trying to not be yourself with Kai Hung.
Yeah, but it's I'm very exhausted. For the first time in my life, I'm exhausting myself by just existing.
That's never happened to me before.
And it's because it's because these things that I used to do just incidentally by virtue of being myself have become core tenets that are upheld by everyone who interacts with me. I set a standard that I don't want to upkeep. How fuck do you think I feel about Shrek?
I have not. I have not watched that movie.
The whole way through ever in my life. I don't give a fuck about Shrek.
And now it's a whole thing.
Literally, people say to be Shrek me every day. My inbox is flooded, guys.
Honestly, it's the paradox of like claiming an identity because all these like you know, like I said, incidental markers of you become so tiring to uphold like that one week in October, I was like, I'm gonna be a passive princess.
Granted didn't work out because that's not me. But sometimes it's hard being a big bitch. You know, it's hard being a bit bitch.
But look, all I'm gonna say is I'm wearing a top that's backwards and the little tag is scratching my neck and I actually want to punch something. I've never punched in the knees, something before I've punched a hole in the wool.
I told you I was angry little fuck.
See.
But I think my issue is I don't know how to instinctively hold my thumbs. My nails are too long, and even if they weren't, I just don't know. If I'm an upper body strength kind of girl. I think I could choke someone out with my thighs because I really can lift heavy with my thighs, but with my arms, like I do a six kilo grand bicep curl. I'm like, this is hard.
Really, I got better upper body strength and lower body strengths because my torso is longer than my than my short legs.
Oh I'm a long leggo. Oh really yeah? Okay, my Barbie queen.
Literally, hmmm, the tangents really get us.
Let's beware. Brook.
Our producer is literally like her eyebrows are like high.
She's like nodding.
Yeah, yeah, girls, we're gonna wrap it up.
I go to the vending machine and get a math.
Bar stat literally flex and frooms.
So I have a fact few flexi, and that is that babies, our target audience, smile on average two hundred times a day.
Are you sure?
Yeah, even when they're farting in a little smile.
Yeah.
Maybe we're just reading it. Maybe we're like, they're smiling, but they're just.
Like gesturing and noting, and we're adding the meaning.
And then apparently the average woman smiles sixty two times a day.
I see that.
I don't feel like enough. We'll guess how many times the average man smiles sixty eight eight times a day? Your average man.
Smile, love, complimenting, make because it lands right.
That eight eight times a day. Baby's away. I see it because then I started thinking, I thought, surely that can't be right. And then I'm going through the rolodex of men that I know. Josh in the studio smiles quite a bit, as does Will.
Very friendly men.
Yeah, trying to think of like think of my dad for example. Okay, jokes all the time, but he's not smiling.
So we have a man in the room who does not feel like these statistics are accurate. He would say that men or at least he smiles more often than eight times. But I think we've got to be paying more attention.
I don't know. I guess yeah, Like think about it.
We're in the space, we're trying to be interesting or engaging. So I think it's your want to do is to smile, whereas if.
You're smiling having a bit of a cackle.
Yeah, but what if you're like doing a job, you're alone most of the time, what have you got to smile at? You don't have connection like.
We really are. What have you got to smile at? The beauty of life? Probably not, do you know.
I was watching a video the other day and it was talking about how how men subconsciously know when they stand in front of another man it is a defensive or offensive position, and so if you watch men communicate, they'll stand in forty five degree angles in relation to each other.
I was like, what, so.
Now I'm start looking around, I'm like, well, you got you don't do the front to front. Apparently it's too aggressive. That's so interesting. We've got to be paying more attention now, I'm trying to think. Yeah, men like standing cyber.
Kind of like look at each other from the left and the right, not from the front.
It's is a lot, that is so true. Yeah, we're got to be paying more attention.
Oh my god, if you're a man listening, hit us up. Let us know what else we are coming so much about this unknown specie flex and fruits. Now. The other day we posted an Instagram real I must say to tutor own Horn. The posts have been posting, oh we love that. The engagement is all the way up my professional dashboard on Instagram popping poppin' p opp iron g All right, so we did one about whether or not you brush your teeth at the at the sink or
in the shower. Yes, the comments were very divisive, as we know. However, the newest comment is from somebody called tiger Thorn, and it reads, I was told by a plumber family member.
Okay, so not even a dentist, not even a dentist.
I was told by a plumber family member. We all have one mine's David Price. He's master plumbing in Melbourne's family.
Huh is that family? Yes? My cousin.
Okay, he's looks he looks like me, but a boy like flu. Why are we going somebody this week? I'm struggling. The brain is the brain is buffering. I was told by a plumber family member that brushing teeth in the shower is kind of dangerous because shower heads gather all kinds of bacteria and can transmit Leisionnaire's disease when the water is ingestice?
Is my don't all taps do that? Who clean the inside of their tap? Ever? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, this is what I want to find out as well.
The water that comes out of the bathroom tap, is it the same as the water that comes out of the kitchen tank?
Yeah, because when i'm.
The difference is like there's a hot water pipe and a cold water pipe and they are the same pipe, and.
Then they're splitting on and they split off.
But maybe there's a filter in the kitchen tap as opposed to the bathroom tap.
And now why would they do that?
I can't fill up my water bottle in the toilet tap? Not why because it's got pooh water in it. Okay, the system, and that's fair the system to do it either, he's a little too close to the washing basket.
Listen, I'm not even making sense.
All I want to say is, is kitchen tap the same as bathroom tap? And his bathroom tap the same as laundry tap is the same as shower tap. I guess you know it's not looking good.
Brother.
There's already too much to be afraid of. You know you're saying, don't brush your teeth in the shower. You can get lesionaires. Stop going to restaurants.
You know what. I had a restaurant the other day. Tell me why there was a girl behind the.
Kills she.
Went.
She didn't even look ashamed.
She did she do this?
I don't care what she did.
The noise itself was enough to propel any disease anywhere. She put it back into its Literally, I said, at least pretend to be ashamed.
There was no mad dash for the hands, but nothing. So you know, the real.
Dangers are outside of your home. What is a legionnaire's disease? Because you got the lesionnaire's cap.
I think it's lesionaires is like lesions or is legionaires g or s.
I don't know if this woman can be like Legion or Lesion Lision.
All I'm gonna say is I'm still gonna brush my teeth in the shower, and maybe I'm gonna get some sort of disease. But what is life if not living life on the edge?
Hunh.
Literally, something's gonna take you out. If not that, what is bacteria?
Do you know what? This isn't even a hill.
I'm a dion Because to be fair, if anyone was gonna start brushing their teeth in the sink, it would be me.
I've got two sinks. I can afford to.
Do that, you know, but I won't because in the shower is what the height.
Of luxury above. You got to see my taps at home. I've moved into a new place. They're the taps that have two different Yeah. Oh broh, Yeah, we're living in the past.
The water. You know what I'm saying. I turned the tap on.
The literally I have to go, and then if I go, if I got a little bit too much, it's too much, it's bang.
And that's what you get.
Wanting to live in houses with character dead that dead that you need one of those carbon copy from the plant, the same marble. Every house is a duplicate. Don't take any chances. It's not saying across. It's too much anyway. And off of that, how many more days will we be talking about toothbrushing?
Are we done?
Yeah?
I'm done. I think I'm done too. I've done it and it's no shade.
I understand. Once we have the conversation. You want to have the conversation, but it's done. It's dead unless the story is fresh. Leave it personally. If I can make a request, I want to hear from people who share toothbrushes but their significant other.
Bring me that. Oh, I've already done that. If you know I want it. I want people to come in.
If you share a toothbrush, Willy nearly casually with Glee, with your partner, best friend, family, mother, talk to me.
I want to know.
This is flex and Frooms on CADA today.
I'm flex and frooms. We're going to figure out how not to take things personally.
I need this.
I feel like everything is personal, and when I pretend they're not, I'm doing myself a disservice. Okay, all things good or bad, like you know, how some people don't take compliments. They feel like people are being facetious, they're just trying to fill gaps in conversation. I take them really personally. You must be right, of course, I look amazing. Why would you like?
Right? Pretty princess? Pretty princess?
Right?
Or on the adverse, if someone is giving me feedback or critique, who.
Am I to not be like?
Okay, they know they're hitting a spot anyway, we might work on it, we might not.
I don't know.
Interdependentness into connectedness.
I'm not sure you're alone on that one. Hunt. I'm not sure anyway. Listen to this video. You know what I do.
When I I'm teaching myself to not take things personally. Every time someone does something annoying, I just think it's because they're dumb or lazy, or a combination of both. Every Time someone asks me to do something I don't want to do, I just say I'm sorry, I'm not smart enough to do this. Sorry, I'm just lazy. I don't want to do it because in those states, nothing can really compel someone, and that is just what life is.
You know, you get older and you realize that you can't really control anyone you can only influence them, and the extent to wish you cannot. Can't influence someone just isn't up to you at a certain point, either they going to do it or they're not. Stop wasting your energy and focus on the things that you actually like that are going well, that you want to go well, that don't involve you needing to wait for another person to do something to give yourself permission to do what
you want to do. They're either dumb or they're lazy, or a combination of both. You are dumb and lazy in your own way too, and the ways that you guys are dumb and lazy.
It's just not compatible. And that's okay.
That is my friend Amber a killer and from Australian, because you know what, I like that my friends are thinkers, because I don't necessarily agree. I don't whole hardly disagree either. I think she's making a really good point and I like that the language she's using is the great equalizer, just saying if you're dumb, you're lazy. It's boring and have the capacity. It's like the apathy of it all makes it all so much simpler to uncover. Question number one, how do not.
How to talk.
I'm struggling, hungry, how do not take things personally? Look, I see where Amber's coming from in the sense that if you view everyone and yourself as dumb and lazy, then you kind of diffuse the way something hits. So if somebody is being rude to you, well, they're dumb for not treating you.
Well. What I do think is that.
With Amber in particular, she walks through the world with very high level of self awareness. She is an everyday philosopher and every day thinker. That's what she does, and she does well, So I think she's able to in practice, have a lot of nuance with that.
For the average person, I don't think it's gonna hit.
It's like when you say, like everybody is special, and people run with that.
Let's stop doing that, Settle Petal.
At the start of the video, I thought she meant she thinks everyone else is.
Dumb and lazy. Well, that's what she's like.
Everybody you them, were all dumb and lazy. And so the way you stop her personalizing thing, because usually what happens when you take things personal, you're pedestalizing that person's point of view over what you think or in some ways you're saying that what they think in this moment, what they're saying is of more value and must be true. Therefore I have to sit with it. I have to
hold it as my own. So if you neutralize everyone, and you say all the opinions are dumb, everybody's lazy, where all idiots, then it doesn't really matter where it's coming from, and what you choose to do with it is an active choice.
You're in clown town. You're in clowntown, babe. I think I get it.
I mean, but yeah, weret's a spice of life if you neutralize everything, like maybe I can take on other people's bad opinions of me, because then there's good ones like for example, we just got an email really quick, yeah not really quick, take your time, lavish in these words. It has been sent on by my manager. Oh my god, oh my god.
Look how long this email is? FLEXI whoa? This is all praising WHOA. That's like eighth whoa like ten paragraphs.
Okay, holy shit, let's just do the one that's about us. Firstly, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I'm a long.
Haul listener of flex and froomesh and have listened to every EP at least once, most twice, first half of them at least thrice.
WHOA, what's going on? Sex?
I moved to a new city five months ago, and I've been working and studying from home, finishing my master's in psychology.
Do you mind?
I'm so sorry, don't play on talk pouring out?
It was an accident.
It was already open, pouring out our heart and soul working home my masters in psychology, meaning that I was stuck at home studying most of the time. And I've been here so far. Your podcast keep me going and gave the company laughs and resonating ideas I've needed on more days than I can tell you. And then she said, Oh, I think this whole. I think this needs Oh my god, this is like an art clap back to one of
the other listeners. Ooh about the member of the psychologist that wrote in saying about the w Well, Yes, let's do a zoom back to that Brook. I listened to Yours and Flexes episode from yesterday where you spoke about therapy. I'm a provisional psychologist, but also someone who's been in therapy for ten years. Classic psychologists vibes, so I have a fair bit of experience on both sides of LACOINNE.
My hot take is that you don't need to go to therapy if you don't have goals or are a bit stagnant, you need a life coach or something like that. In UNI, I remember learning that the majority of our clients are what is referred to as the worried Well, Okay, nothing wrong with you, but you think you need to be in therapy. Therapy is for people with mental health issues in brackets anxiety, depression, personality disorders, phobias, etc.
Etc.
And it's to use a therapeutic tool to work through that. The worried well, just take up resources that are actually for people struggling.
Okay, now we're booming out. Thanksbook for doing that.
Secondly, your approach to mental health is awesome. And also she's bolded awesome, so effing cool. For legal reasons, I'm not writing as a provisional psychoic just about to be registered. But the listener who recently wrote in as a provincial the provisional psychologists biting each other. The listener who recently wrote in as a provisional psych who had done ten years of therapy shook me to my core. I have also been on both sides of the psychology seat like
that listener, and their messaging disturbed me deeply. Frankly, it pissed me off back into the bolds. Your response was spot on. I know you probably know this, but I would never want to condescend. But I just want to balance out that voice and show my support for your perspective. Yes, people who are really seriously mentally ill need psychologists, but normalizing seeking psychological help is the first step that reduces the amount of people who would become seriously mentally ill.
What's it called when you prevention over cure? Psychology masters are really competitive to get into. We need to find more positions in those masters programs, which is only made more likely by increasing the number of people who access and value psychology services. When it comes to Oussie seeking mental health care, again, bold more is more. We all know too many young men firsthand or by degree of separation, who are very privileged and functional from the outside perspective,
and yet they self harm. This worried world concept makes me sick and contributes to those terrifying statistics around the yeat of young men. That's just one example, but the premise applies to everyone, as you said yourself, eating Oh my god, we're hitting every every category here. Eating disorders do have the highest fatality of any into illness. Stand up queens, and then finally, fuck the worried well. Everyone
seeking help deserves to receive it. I even know too many people personally who have had textbook objectively awful traumatic experiences who think they don't deserve psychological treatment because of stigmatizing awful beliefs. Out of the amounts of people like that one listener, we were honestly, this is like that. She has put into words the words that I could not find. But you did put it into words. You articulated yourself. Thanks An, Well you did.
Yeah.
Anyway, she makes a lot of good points. I love her the most beautiful praise. Just imagine someone's sitting down at the.
Laptop so intentional, right, taking out the time.
Tippity tapping out, and it just goes on. But I will literally, yeah, anyway.
Back to it. No, that's it.
Anyway, it's that podcast. I won't say your name, but you know who you are. Yeah, I hope she listens back to this allyst three times.
Well, I think you should send the link back, or just at least respond and be like, hey, obsessed, we talked about it today, Okay, I.
Will I love that. Wow, that's really made my day. Love a bit of fis as well.
You're listening to Flex and Frooms on Kada.
You are with Flex and Frooms on this sunny Thursday afternoon in Sydney and surrounds and elsewhere wherever.
You're listening while we are spending our time dipping into our personal experiences and yours to ensure that everybody leaves this planet experiencing the most fruitful of romantic love. I came across a little video of someone shooting their shot in a way that I would almost describe as a vintage and.
I thought, are we back here? Is this what we need to be doing? Maybe? Maybe not? Let me know after you listen to this video. Police. Hello everyone, my name is Ellie. I'm honest to Common Program, and I see you, and tonight is my last shift.
And I see you.
And I'm going to give a doctor that i've been flooding me a note with my number on it.
Here is the note, and I'm going to do it all in one TikTok from me tonight giving the.
Notes and afterwards, so stay tuned. Here's the note.
The note says, I'm never going to see you again, so shooting my shot? Coffee sometimes question Mike, message me yuse if you have a partner, Sorry to throw this.
Out long now there is approximately another thirty second set video.
We don't need it.
We don't need it. We got all we need from that right now. I have a question. Would you do that? Write a letter to someone to shoot your shot?
A letter? A note? Relax, write a note?
Or would you be responsive to someone writing you a note to.
Shoot their shot? This has happened to me before. Oh in a gym, Oh I just go everywhere? I was on the floor. Can I just launch on?
Oh?
Launche?
I was on the floor doing some like doing floor exercises in the gym, I know, in front of a mirror.
I don't know if I could ever.
And I like, how the how did I get the note? I like looked to my side and there was a little note with.
A heart like fold and I started unfolding it. I was like, oh my god, what is this? What is it?
Watching me scrunch it up again and like ran out the door, like there was a little balcony in the gym, so.
I ran out of the door, closed.
The door and opened it up, and it was like, you just have a really cool look. I'd love to take you out one day. Here's my number, here's my name.
Not even leaving the socials, because the name and number thing is what gets me.
A raw name and number you ate a social well it goes further.
I got to go back into the gym and I've locked myself out on the balcony with this, with this note, no phone. I had my phone. Thanks, it was live stream the whole thing. Of course, this was like five years ago. And I looked up and found his name, like you know when you can google the phone number. Oh yeah, found the name on Facebook. What's his profile picture? You it's him at the races with speed dealers on drinking a Bundy and coke through a wire fence.
And yet he thought that you were the one. So what are you giving us?
And I was slaying at the time. I must admit, shaved head, you've been slaying, so that's not new. That's not new. So I was giving. But that was like a very flattering and be very terrifying safe to say I left the gym sometime after that canceled the membership. It was such a car and I was like, maybe I'm going to say I was harassed so I can get money back.
I mean, it's pretty full on again. I feel like in my head, I'd be like, this is a funny thing to do. Let's do it. Let's send a note, leave an apt or whatever.
But then on the recipient, if there's like a lot of pressure, it's like, damn, I gotta respond asap, show you know, mutual first. In the same way, I don't know. I feel like i'd like it's more of a yes, no no. For me, it's more of a yes, no, no no. I think we need to incorporate it. I don't think we should. It should be the primary method, but definitely if you know it to yes, it's definitely a yes, we do have to go. But I can say that he did respond, should I share that information now?
Okay?
Wanted to get your consent first, so he said, hey, Ellie, so and so here, super sweet, no, and such a nice gesture. I really enjoyed working with you and the banter. We need to talk about banter. To talk about it, I do have a partner, but thought you deserved a response. Hope tonight isn't too shit with You're all the best. Now, I will say that she said that this is someone she's been flirting with, and that's what gave her the impression that she should in fact shoot the shot.
So do with that what you will. Shout out to Ellie.
I love when people share their business on the internet for our entertainment. You're amazing. Keep shooting a shot in this way. You're bold and I love it.
Also, I think people missing story floating.
Yeah, but I flat with everyone exactly, So yeah, I get I think we are the problem though.
For sure, flex and frooms FLEXI. We always come to the table with some sort of dilemma. This one is from a woman called redacted. Yeah, we're not saying it's just a highly anonymous situation. She said it to me and then I said, can you please send it in a voice note. She said, oh my god, cry cry face. Okay, I will do now Ooh that.
My am I the asshole. So my boyfriend who's twenty three, and myself who's twenty have very different relationships with parents.
I've always also, can I just say slang on the gen Z audience obsessed one of ours, one of ours.
Always been encouraged to independently think and girl lost my way through life, whereas he's always been sort of fed a cheeky silver spoon and always listen to the direction of parents. So we're just having a bit of trouble because I am I the arsehole for not knowing how to support him, because I'm always being like, just get it together, like why are you not rationalizing? Like who cares if you upset them? But he obviously has no
idea how to sort of be like that. So yeah, so to preface, like we both live at home, so obviously, like you know, you have to live within your parents' boundaries and everything, but even myself, like I always push my boundaries at home because I think that without being allowed to do that, Like how are you supposed to independently and freely think? But he obviously doesn't have that, So it's, yeah, it's a bit hard because am I
the asshole? Because I can't you support him or tell him how to do it properly, like you know, figure out everything.
So yeah, sisus twenty a man yep bo thinking you know, that's a big one, because you know, while that voice memo was playing through me, gestured to herself as in being someone who resonates with the guy in the situation.
And I'm definitely the girl in the situation. Not that my parents weren't necessarily like that or my mum, but I felt really strongly about challenging boundaries and being my own person and understanding the logic behind decisions that were made on behalf of me or behalf of the family or whatever.
And it's a pretty.
Difficult place to be in if you choose it later on, right, So my whole energy is being a challenger. And I definitely wasn't this like abrasive, as like a little person, but enough that I was like, but.
Bine, but whine, and I want to do it this, but I want to do it that. Whatever.
Yeah, So you kind of you created a dynamic where your parents get used to you challenging, and they can choose to kind of like la la l l la la la la zone you out or create a dynamic where you're now collaborating or whatever. At twenty three, though, I feel like it's a very difficult place to start if you don't have plans to leave your family home. It's a family home because I moved up when I
was like nineteen twenty. It's very easy to be like, okay, I'm doing big girl now and then just kind of do it behind your parents back, and then you'd be like, I'm back, got.
Some new tattoos? How are you? Yeah? Nice.
It's very tricky and also in this position having to be the person who's like, I'm going to help him do the stuff.
It's too much.
I will admit, Oh, I say, yes, this silver spoon bit. I'm a born and braised rat. Yes, oh sorry, brat, but that was why I'm a rat.
You met what you said. The rats don't run the city. We do.
But I yeah, I relate in a sense of not thinking for myself because I agree with my parents all the time and I still do them. I agree with my mum a lot, you know what I mean, Like we've got the same sense of a lot of stuff. But yeah, I haven't been in a situation where I completely disagree with my parents in a way that they're gonna like discipline me for not agreeing. Like, for example, I disagree with my dad all the time, but I think he sent me knows that he's not that he knows he's wrong.
But you've had enough instances where you get you agree on most things. This is just like a judgment call. Let's just like let bygones be got by gone type thing.
No, I can get mad.
Oh okay, I've got different ideas about certain things, you know what I mean. Like he's he's an older gentleman. Yes, he's living in the past, which slay I would too, But yeah, it wouldn't be an issue when he said something I don't like, I say, can you shut the three?
Okay?
Like for example, yeah I disagree with my dad, I'll say something. I'm not gonna risk him like kick him out because I don't live there.
Yes, But in this instance, you have this guy who similar to you, like gets along with his parents, and when he doesn't or when his girlfriend is like illuminating something and be like, hey, that's not really on, he's kind of.
Like, oh, well, like yeah you additionally, yeah, but I think she's right in you know, maybe he's maybe his parents don't listen to him more like don't treat him like an adult, in which case I think even if you live with the parents, they should try and treat you like an adult. If you're over the age of fifteen, yeah, you know, or eighteen.
If we weren't in a rental crisis, I said move out. However, in this instance, I have learned over my time of dating people whose family dynamics that I found were contradictory to mine, is that you just can't tell people who they are, what they feel, what they're experiencing, and you
are on the outskirts of this established dynamic. What you say does not matter in the grand scheme of things, and you risk the harmony of your primary relationship with your partner by dabbling in some businesses unfortunately not yours. So while you have thoughts and opinions and impressions, you put this burden on your partner who clearly does not have the power or the permit to make any changes in his household dynamic.
It's almost like amplifying the issue.
So I feel like, if you really care, spend more time understanding it from his perspective, as opposed to wanting him to challenge his whole family structure for your benefit and just stay.
At your parents' house. Yeah, don't go over there.
Yeah, make some excuses.
Yeah, but love.
You, Queen, thanks so much. I love this.
I'm going to say, given that Wa're twenty four, we are aging a little bit out of the gen Z little mindset, but happy to be with our people there, our young twenty year old queeness.
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