Flex and Frooms, Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex and Froomes catch.
Up podcast, Happy Monday, Little Freaks and Gremlin's running through the Forest. It's me Lucinda Frume's Price. Today we're chatting about how to stop obsessing over your crush, which I don't recommend, live life full of whimsy and fantasy, and also figuring out what happens when you and your siblings were raised in the same household by the same parents, but you have wildly different views. Turns out it's a real thing and you should be validated for your experience.
Flex and Frooms on kedas.
The question of the day, do you reckon?
People are allowed to be disappointed that the travel TikTok they see doesn't match the reality of the situation because the Internet is essentially calling people immature and unresearch for being quite disillusioned with what their experience has been like predominantly in Euro's summer. In euro Summer, I saw this
article on Vox recently. It was headline and stop trying to have the perfect vacation because you're ruining everybody else's And it talks about how traditionally vacation is meant to be this explorative activity. You're not meant to know exactly what you're going to see, exactly where you're going to go. You're not really meant to have this very clear cut idea of what's to come. That is why you go,
so you can discover something new. And now people have tried to whittle it down into an Excel spreadsheet, or they try to whittle it down into a favorites folder on TikTok. When they get there, they're comparing their experience to someone's contrived edited experience, which seems like a almost like an overcorrection from the Instagram versus reality era. But I want to reference two distinct situations that have gone
viral in the last couple of weeks. Right, So it's mostly American tourists, I will say that, but I don't think Australian tourists are less.
It's giving cuticle.
Yeah, like I think Australian tourists come with their own issues. But in this particular instance, and there was this video of this American tourist complaining about Europe. This one traveler says that Paris smells like we cheese an armpit and
that its food looks grimy as hell. In another video, a woman argues that any influencer who's posted pretty photos of the Mouthee Coast deserves jail time because they neglected to mention the logistics of actually getting there, and that going to the Moufee Coast is literal manual labor.
Not vacation.
Now, when I initially saw these videos, because they did see it before this article, I laughed because I'm one of those people where I don't like doing explorative vacations because I don't like the work involved.
I don't want to know you have to get.
To the Trevi Fountain at five am otherwise people will be there. Because when I went, it was packed and it was terrible, right, But that's just the nature of it. I feel as though people, like you said earlier, people were like, oh, it's racist to not enjoy your experience in these countries, yes, saying it's pears, cheese and armpit.
Like that is cooked.
But also people do have a very inflated idea of what Paris would be like. Isn't it that thing called Paris syndrome, This idea that Japanese tourists go to Paris and develop this extreme sense of disillusionment and discomfort and unhappiness because they're expectations of Paris pale in comparison to the reality. Come on now, anyway, good question to ask your friends and family because we need to get down to the bottom of it.
Are you a traveler? Are you a holiday or are you a vacationer?
Me? I want to feel like I'm in a spa every day. I want to eat heaps, I want to be horizontal, and I want to giggle with the girls.
That's it.
I must say my last holiday to Bali, my mom, my sister and my dad did it almost around.
As we said earlier on the show.
Almost I lay down, drink alcohol, eat sasae ye say less saturay. Believe it or not, despite our young age and a playful disposition, we are quite interested in babies and children and the multitude of attitudes that they have.
I mean, I want to be one. I see. It's definitely like an aspirational thing for me, which can be done.
I mean, we've already lived at so we've been there. I came across this article and thought of your flexi because it involves babies being art hose.
Yeah, what is an art hoe w A article say, or would you like to give me a definition.
That was a bit of flavored by me. An art hoe is a woman with or it could be a guy, but usually it's a woman with a short fringe.
Oh my goodness. Not the aesthetics if they like have.
A sing and poke tattoo. They really like art, but also they are art. Okay, you know what art hoe is a hot girl that likes art and fine things.
Yeah.
Yeah, so babies are art hose. And I realized this in a Guardian article. I've really been rinsing the Guardian lately. Turns out the babies guys have a pension for van go Over Monet not. You're thinking, what does this mean? It's very interesting because I I think we often talk about the appreciation of beauty and art. Is there like a formula like da Vinci style, like circle? Do we like certain faces? And it turns out that babies actually
mirror how much adults like Vango. So, for example, they did this, they did this test where they put like an adult in front of Vango and a baby in front of Ango. They like flashed images like forty images of artworks, and they decide whether or not the humans like them. Or not based on how much they're looking.
At how the babies point point, which tell Mommy which one you like and use.
Your words, you little newborn.
But it suggests that like early sensory biases and aesthetics can then like what you like as a baby can then actually shape what your like as an adults. So, for example, like the babies are very attractive to clashing colors and like certain lots of lines and stuff.
So babies would like Jackson Pollock.
I don't know about that.
Okay, I'm gonna ask the baby thank you. Okay, Okay.
What I'm hearing is, if you want to create art that stands the test of time, show your drafts to a baby.
Oh is that what you're saying? Yeah, it is, it is. Yeah, bring the baby to the studio. Well you take the art to the baby, bear ray.
On the baby place and a little cigarette out of its mouth.
Just interesting.
Beauty is in the either beholder and turns out the babies have it. I said at the end of this same fan.
You're listening to flex and Rooms on kata.
How is it possible that siblings can grow up in the same household but have wildly different views on what that experience was, how they were raised, if it was good, if it was bad, if it was traumatic. Here's what the science says.
My sister and I were raising the house, the same house, by the.
Same parents, and we reacted very.
Differently to that. Well, first of all, you're not brought up in the same both the same parents. That's interesting. Why do you say that, because the parent that the experiences is the parent the way they show up for that particular child. Your parents did not show up the same way for a female child as for a male child, even if they tried to, they could not because their
program culturally not too. Secondly, you were different ages. You came along at different stages of their parents relationship to one another or their self, and or their relationship to themselves. They did not have the same parents, they did not grow up in the same house.
So we don't know where that actual podcast is coming from, but I do recognize that voice. That is my king, doctor Gubble, Mark Teit Gubble, and he talks a lot about how so much just the life that we're living makes it impossible to heal, and how it's making us sick and all of these things that we are discussing. Now that's the difference between being raised in the same household having different experience.
All of that.
Erodes at our actual health, not just our perception. I will say though, like, I can totally fathom the idea that you could be raised in the same household because of all these reasons mentioned, you're not having the same experience. But then I ask myself, this, what is more important, improving your current reality based on this information that you have about how you were raised, or being validated about your past, because I feel like both.
Can't happen at once.
Like part of you needs to be like, Okay, yeah, like maybe I wasn't the favorite forty five years ago, twenty years ago, but now how many years later I can reconcile with that fact and my relationship now is better, or I can build on that, or you can say, wait, but nobody validated the fact that I was treated poorly back then, or that I wasn't respected or that nobody looked out for me.
That is more important.
I feel like if you start from that angle, then you're not having this weird interpersonal beef with your siblings as well. When you don't meet either eye.
You think they're not validating what you went through.
Not personally, but I think that is like that is the issue. And people discussed between their siblings like I had a good time, you had a bad time, So what's like get over it? And it's like no, I think that is the point, Like you can that can be the fact. It's not like were we raised differently? How are we raised differently? How can we feel vindicated for the way that we were raised differently? It's what's your priority? Now?
Do you want to be told yeah, that was cooked?
And correct me if you're wrong.
If you're wrong, correct me because you are wrong.
You believe that parents definitely have favorites hundred.
Percent you honestly, how can they not have favorites.
I think it might be difficult to rank like first favorite, second favorite, third favorite, but you definitely have qualities that are more appealing to one parent than the other, or one seiling than the other. Absolutely similar with your friends, Like you're not here ranking your friends being like okay, top eight. Not all of us are here ranking our friends. But you can definitely say I'm gonna love that quality of friend a that quality of friend be not my favorite, but overall.
Them as a person, it's sacrilegious. Yeah, but I all my parents on the line.
I also feel like, and I'm not a parent, I'm a mother to all. I'm a mother to all.
But I think that like what I observe in parents that makes their parenting style confusing is that there's performance art involved. Sometimes they're like doing what parents would do and then being themselves. And that is the confusion, because then you can't hold someone accountable when you know they're doing performance art.
Do you know what I'm saying, So you're saying.
My parents performed and they actually prefer my.
Sister absolutely, and you know it too.
If there's one thing to know about Flex and Frooms on Cadien ninety six point one and also on the podcast whereviate your podcasts, it is that we are here for the community, community workers. We are here to make your.
Life menitarians, Oh sorry, yes, that's right.
Humanists also, someone say, amongst other things, and so when when listeners send us dilemmas, we do not take this lightly, guys.
We sit down, we have a.
Think, we have a brainstorm, and we consider what is the best recourse for your life, Because it really is that deep.
Don't confuse our ability to make everything funny as not taking anything seriously.
I just quite take everything seriously as.
Do I as do I.
Hello, love Fine.
So this is from a listener who is undisclosed name wise. Let's get into it. Hi frough me and Flex Mammy bows. I see what they did there first. Just want to say love you guys. I have been a long time follower of you both, and tell Flex I have all her refix conversation comes. I was wondering if you guys could help me. How do you deal with getting obsessed
with crushes? Every time I like a guy, it takes over my whole brain and feel like I can't think about anything else, Like all I think about it is so distracting. It happens even when I don't even like them that much. Ooh, I know it is unhealthy and I want to stop, but I have no idea how to please help. What do I do?
Wow?
I don't want to go immediate science bro on you, because that's just not my thing. I'm definitely spiritual bro capitalists, bro very rarely science bro. But I will say that
this is limerens. It's a state of infatuation or obsession with another person that involves an all consuming passion and intrusive thoughts and so, like most people would say, this has a lot to do about like childhood development issues when it comes to attachment and how you were torch or shown to give or receive love and affection, and how we can sometimes like your brain just doesn't know how to categorize this experience that you're having.
It's very odd.
So I was reading this article and I was talking about these the differences between limereates and love, so like, when is it just a messy crush that's going to fade as opposed to when you're developing strong feelings for someone and they say, actually looks like strikingly similar. It's really hard to discern in those early stages, especially what is limerents and what is love because there's the dopamine going,
the oxytocin's going, you're getting excited, the serotonin's peaking. But they've said being drawn to someone is very equal to love and limerens. Falling that feeling of being like I didn't know it would be me. That's very love and limerence.
But the key differences are when you are in a limerent state, you feel like this person is going to complete you, like they've somehow made you hyper aware of this void, a social void, a romantic void, a connection void that you're like, you feel perfectly like I've waited my whole life for this for you. You want them, whether they want you or not, or whether they're good for you or not, Like, despite that fact, is not
feeding into whether you think they're an appropriate partner. Also, you ignore their flaws, so to them, you don't see any red flags. They don't have any red flags. They've always been amazing, they will continue to be amazing when you love someone, And we can even look at your friendships, like you'd be able to look at a lot of your friends and be like, gosh, these flaws are out the worst.
But I love you anyway, babe, I really do.
Another characteristic of limerens is neglecting your own needs for them, so feeling as though what you need is secondary to what you can offer them or makes them happy, what makes them feel safe. And also you're scared of real connection in the sense that you find a lot of satisfaction from the fantasy of it, and you're scared that if you like participate in the reality of the dynamic.
It's going to ruin it for you. Wow, that is limerens.
So in this instance, the question this listener has asked us is why does it happen?
Babes?
Why does anything happen? Humans are inherently random and contradictory. But I think the first step is recognizing what it is and in the best way possible. It's not a unique situation. You are but one of many deranged people, delusional, who are struggling with how characterizing something.
That looks so legit.
You put that perfectly FLEXI.
I would say the antidote to limeerate is going through that list and debunking it for yourself. So, for example, when you're in a limeerates state, you can't see someone's red flags, write that list, babe, right, don't be brutal, But let's say, like, you know, you know, do they know how to use chopsticks?
I don't.
I don't. So if you've fallen for me, just know I can't use chopsticks. Can they whistle? Red flag? If they can't whistle?
I agree?
Do all your friends hate them?
It's a big one.
Yeah, pink flag. No, that's a base like listening to the Flex and Froom's daily podcast. For more, tune Indicator on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.