Flex and Frooms Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast.
It has Flex and Frooms on cat. It's about time we talked about some dating content. I did make a vow that anytime we'd discuss it, though, it would need to be from a fresh, new angle, especially because by the time this reaches you, people have plagiarized us already. I'm talking in the mere minutes, it's gone from our mouth to this microphone and uploaded into the airwaves. Some other podcasts like this is good information and they've plagiarized it.
So in coming to you with information that only we could. We've got tiktoks, We've got treachery. We've also got a podcast. What what do you say? Wait for it, wait for it? What do you think is the ultimate indicator of a successful relationship. I'm talking at the early stages when you just like first touched fingers with someone, when you first even looked at them. What is the ultimate indicator? Is it the level of attraction you share? Is it your
financial status? Is it? Is it the clothes you're wearing? Is it the pheromones? According to research research, it is inconclusive, inconclusive at this point, it's just vibes. Listen to this TikTok by Ben Spalos. He'll do a much better job at explaining the nonsense that is happening when it comes
to picking a partner and picking a mate. And I'm sure he'll make you feel ashamed for how much effort, how much specificity and strategy you put into it up until this point, because it was all for no reason, for nothing, for nothing.
And is this guy like a scientist?
I thought it was.
About this recently, so but no one saw this. Let me just say this again so you can understand this. I read a study recently called is Romantic desire Predictable? And they found no, bro stick around?
What the fuck? After a hundred different fucking measures about relevant traits and characteristics that are important for dating, they found if they use machine learning to try and create models to try and predict if people would like each other when they met, they could predict how relative like. They could predict people's tastes.
Kind of, they could predict how relatively attractive people are generally to other people, but the effect was really small.
But dude, when two people came together, they couldn't predict anything. It was completely in the dark. You know how they started this article and the introduction they.
Talked about how speed dating apps make these claims that they can do this, but that these claims aren't scientifically vetted. The article is called is Romantic Desire Predictable? The primary author Samantha Jowel. You can literally read this if you look this up on the internet, please do recently, but no one saw this.
Let me just jacko origin story.
So what we're hearing now, what we're going to discuss now podcast is a lot of people, ourselves included, have convinced ourselves that dating and finding a partner is a series of strategic moves, right especially in that early stage before you you even met someone. The way you're presenting yourself, the social circles you hang out with, the energy that permeates the room, all of this feels so intentional. So it's to tract the right partner to have the right relationship.
But what we're finding is that, yes, you can dress yourself in a certain way that will make yourself look more appealing, you can go to certain places, you can interact with certain kinds of people, But whether or not there will be romantic compatibility is totally up to chance.
Whoa chance vibes.
Is this University of Pennsylvania rooms is like, unfortunately, I'm going to debunk the science.
And even there's more to discuss.
Let's debate this because something about the way that relationships are the fifty percent at minimum divorce rate speak, the amount of dating just conjecture and squabble and discussion there is it's not really getting people to this end goal they think it is. Even if this study isn't real, we're just hypothesizing that of all the things you can change about yourself to make yourself more romantically appealing, none of that really holds weight on the compatibility that you'll
have with a person. There's like a random element.
How does that make you feel excited? Oh? Good?
I think because I like the feeling of meeting someone and they smell nice and it's not what you expected, you know, and I couldn't have perceived that going. And then also, do you ever have a dream that you could just and you just and you can.
And you can do anything? I mean, yeah, I get it for me.
I reckon like something that can't they can't predict on the apps is like, for example, your upbringing, and I if I'm thinking back at all of it.
Broies, I mean, I mean, why did you say it like that? Some of them just can't predict.
I mean no, I like, I mean more family dynamics, like if you if your family has the same sense of humor as like someone else's family, or the same way of expressing yourselves. Like if someone really gets along with their siblings and they're all like kumbaya, it's kind of probably not gonna work for me.
Oh, you know what I'm saying.
If you guys are a little bit too tight, I'm getting freaked out.
This is interesting, do you know what I'm saying? Like, I like people who you like an estranged king, so you can have more to yourself. I get it.
Well, I'm gonna be honest. We need to be having Christmas and my family home. This is to me what happens when when this happens and it's Christmas time, I'm not hanging out with your family. In my experience, you always go to the if you're in a heterosexual relationship. In my experience, it always seems to be going to the man's side. I cannot repeat that history. And thankfully, I really like my family. So we're we going to come into my family?
Yeah?
Anyway, Yeah, I say this sort of say the way someone smells can't predict on the apps, and that's.
That's getting in the way of everything. I'm serious.
You could be the hottest person ever, but if I don't like the way you smell, I can't.
I couldn't do it.
This is very interesting.
What I will say is that I think there is merit in us viewing ourselves as Neanderthals no better than Neanderthals.
And what I mean by that.
Wait, you know, Neanderthals are different to human beings.
I think my point remains.
Okay, I'm gonna say animals like, okay, we're no different to lions, monkeys, whales in the sense that from how we perceive them to live, things are quite simplified. And like the way that we've optimized social dynamics is getting in the way of us being social in the sense of I think that most people are quite charming in real life.
You get into a conversation.
With most people at the butcher, at the park, in the airport, it's fine, if anything is quite enjoyable.
Great, I just had a great go and getting us some drinks great with the chat guy from finance.
I'm not surprised, seriously, you know, it's just there's something about you put two people together, you get them talking, and then suddenly you're able to see past whatever projection you put onto them, and you get the quirks and the charisma and the charm and the interest and the
strength and the weaknesses, and suddenly they're appealing. But online or when you're thinking about dating conceptually, we're not leaving room for that immeasurable vibe, that thing that you just don't anticipate for that need to be there for this to work. For example, you put all your your good on paper qualities and I can bring you ten people who fit that criteria and you'll probably only vibe properly romantically with.
Three of them.
Yeah, and of those three, you might sustain a relationship that lasts for six weeks, and you'll wonder, is it me?
Is it them?
Do why need to change? Do they need to change? It's like, this is just the nature of creating a relationship with someone that is like shrouded in social norms that unfortunately feel more important than the vibe at play.
Unfortunately, they do and so while we're here being like a lean undate someone who has this job and is this tall and is this whatever, part of me thinks you should be sticking tighter to that because vibes at this point are not enough.
For a lot of people. Love is not enough for a lot of people. You're fully in love with someone and you're thinking what else could there be? Sometimes that's like on your own, like you need.
Help, whatever it might be.
It's like, I'm almost of the belief that if it's all random, then people should be sticking a lot closer to not their arbitrary like superficial, like I want them to open the door the stuff that really matters. Like, you know, if you're truly embarrassed because the person you're dating is wearing sperries and not vans, then stick a bit, a little bit closer to that, because putting someone through emotional turmoil because you don't like the.
Way they dress doesn't feel worth it.
And it's very mean. It's very mean, and you know what, you might you might regret it.
That's another thing I'm struggling with personally these dice. Yeah, what is like honesty is the best policy type vibe? How do you give someone information or feedback that is just your personal preference. Like, for example, if you came into the office today and you smelled, Oh, I don't know how I would tell you. I mean, that's a bit different. I think i'd be like babes. Actually, I don't know the context. I'm trying to think of it.
But because you're a friend, I think i'd be like, oh, she'll get it, like she'll know this is coming from a good place. But then, like I think strangers and romantically and professionally, I'm like, I'm not built for these interactions. The stakes are too high. Everything is too personal. No one comes out on scathed. It's scary, wish, especially when it's just a preference. Like you don't like the way someone speaks to you, but that's the way they speak. Now, what are you gonna do about it?
That's a good one.
I want to talk about that in a few weeks, about like we're going to forget in that time. I don't know what remember how your boss speaks to you, Like what is a quote unquote illegal in the workplace verse? Like them just their style.
You know, it's all too much.
Hey, miss you guys, So deeply so dearly dm us on flex and Rooms. Let's get connecting, let's touch base.
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