One of Us Is Trying For a Baby!!!

Go on.

Welcome to first things First, I'm Brooklett, and my pronouns are she and her.

I Maddie meals. My pronouns are he and human. Before we get started, we'd like to acknowledge the custodians of the land on which we record, and today we're both in studio. We are on where you were wrong and borung countries and we're deadly and they're part of the cooler nation.

Yes, yes, right, let's get into it.

Let's go.

So a bit of a question to you this episode.

Now, what is this an intervention?

No, actually no, it's actually more of a an announcement.

You've got an announcement, don't you.

I do? Can I have some trumpets.

Here?

Here?

Oh my god, guys, we're starting off really well.

Here we have a prince or a princess on their way. No, I'm kidding. I'm not pregnant, but I am starting the surrogacy journey. Yes, so I'm getting.

Baby sounds.

Shut.

I'm really excited because I'm going to be getting my sperm analyzed this week and I want to see if I have little swimmers. This is the first The first step of the process is getting a microscope over all my babies, the thousand of them I know, and just I want to see them.

Oh my god.

I saw this quote today I think it was today or yesterday, and it was like, it's about dating. It's like, the sperm swims to the egg sists, so don't be swimming.

Pretty much like, so don't swim to them. Yeah, you wait for them.

I love that.

I'm going I need I need it on a shirt. I need it on a shirt.

Well, I'm hoping that my you know, sperm will be swimming to an egg soon. It's obviously a long process. It's not something that's going to happen overnight. Like we're starting the process. We're getting a sperm analysis done, and then we're going to Columbia in August and we're going to be having meetings with some surrogacy agencies on the ground and having conversations with family members of my partner so that we can work out exactly how the baby's

So this is exciting, I know, scary, very scared.

I'm scared because this is me to a t. I wish that the baby could be growing inside me so that I can control all the outcomes, you know what I mean. I wish that I could have the baby.

In the opposite I'm like, can someone just be pregnant? And I just get the envy.

See, I'm so I suppose meticulous when it comes to process. Yeah, And for this process, I've said to my partner, like, we need to ensure that the person who's carrying the baby is very healthy and like all those milestones that you go through into pregnancy. We want to make sure the agency like really is connected with us on those because we're two men having a baby, Like what do we know? No, you know, not a lot. So I want to be.

Really apps like this is a thing, like you.

Can do a lot of research understanding.

Yeah, yeah, there's an app that you can follow how big the baby.

Is from start to birth.

There's too much information to be fair out there, Like you don't know where kind of to start in your journey. But I think the best thing to start with this.

Us someone who has been a mother and has been pregnant.

Well absolutely, And also I have gay friends who are dats you know. So I have a friend who's gone through this exact same process and his sister donated the egg and his partner sperm had a baby. Perfect, Like that's the ideal scenario for us, and he's had that happens.

I've just seen that Luke and Sass Scott.

I follow them on TikTok and Instagram, and I think they're actually so funny, and I've seen them at events and they're always such a good time.

There's such good husbands, like, yeah, you know.

Like Scott has a husband, Luke's I think single, right.

I was trying to make a joke as if they were husbands.

Oh my god, they actually had that as a joke. I was par they're a couple to some of us. Guy who was like, yeah, these lovers, they had a bait.

Yeah. It was just like a whole big thing.

I feel for this is the whole thing, like with the scrutiny and controversy and media. Yeah, but no, Scott's gone through the whole process and he's got twins.

Twins got that's a handful.

I'm pretty sure one, Yeah, totally. We've we've discussed this scenario because I'm pretty sure that the Scott scenario with his babies was that he's had twins, but one is his sperm and once his partner sperm, so you know, one one of each. I'm pretty sure that's that's the scenario there, because they did share a little bit about it. But I want to have a conversation with Scott because we follow each other on social media, we connect online.

I really would them on the pod. I hope we can be amazing.

Yeah. I feel like it'd.

Be so insightful for you to ask questions about the whole journey.

Yeah, I know it's super expensive to do it through the US. Yeah, Like what I've noticed is that we need to cut as many corners as we can without increasing the risk. You know, that's like my thing. I'm like my partner, I know how expensive this is going to be. We're talking, you know, probably around one hundred and twenty thousand dollars. Wow, if you do the US route,

That kind of also infuriates me because it's like, well, you can you know, you have to pay.

That much money to have a baby.

You know, women have to do IVF if they want to do it, and some men can just literally put the penis in a woman and fucking run away, And I don't know, it just annoys me because it's like so easy. Sorry, And this is not me hating, No, this is me just like generalizing.

But not when we spoke about fertility and you were like getting fertility checks, did you get it done?

I got a referral. So I got a referral to a fertility clinic. Yes, and I just have to book my appointment.

Is that something you still want to do?

Yeah, of course, I just.

Have put it on the backburner recently because I've got school on and acting. School's taken a lot of my time. But oh my god, there's like such a part of me that still wants it so bad.

And yeah, I thought.

I would be definitely in a different position at this age of where I am now. But I think also because I'm learning so much from school, I feel like I am shedding a lot more and I want to be in there, I guess the best position I can be for my child and not putting any of my trauma or any of my experiences and having that affect my child and in the future, you know what I mean.

So it's it's good.

I'm still unpacking that and I didn't realize how much work I had already done as well. But also how much more work I still have to do, which is everyone's on their journey.

But yeah, no, I still want to do it. Yeah, I still think about baby names.

I love this, what's your top tier baby name? I know your mom's name for a girl is important.

To Yeah, so that's just kind of like it. Like, well, the excited thing is, my sister in law is pregnant. So you know, my brother's just had his first child, who's now six months, and he looks so I love seeing my brother in my nephew and that's the beauty of that's so beautiful. And then my sister in law is having the first girl, which we always said, whoever has the first girl will get the.

Name we spoke better exactly. Yeah, weren't they deciding that it was going to be the middle name?

They did, so I get sort of right away with that, which is actually really special. So if I have a daughter in the future, like definitely Sianna. I love the name Olive, not oliv No, Like, if I have another girl, I'd much prefer having Gallay boys. You know how much I love color, you know, and Siena is a color like is that burnt Sienna?

You know?

Like that oca color, which I love. That's why cobra is called koba because it means copper. So you know, like if I ever have a daughter, I'll have Sienna and Koba is my son, my first son. But I love Olive or you know, it could be Oliver if I have a boy, and then call him Oli or Oliver as well, like whatever, But I don't know. I just have this thing with colors and names, yes, and having general like not female.

Specific and male.

I love that.

I do, Like, how do you feel about names?

Well? Have we do have a name picked out? Okay, so we have a name picked out because it's honoring my partner's uncle who died of HIV and no one in that family your uncle, but yeah, it's my partner's uncle. Yeah. So he his name was Emilio and it's a beautiful name.

And I love like the just the writing of it.

It's got that cursive feeling to it. I love that.

So if we have a boy, he'll be named Emilio. Yeah, if we have a girl.

Brooklyn and Brooklyn.

This isn't a popular name and not many people like jump at it, but it was my NaN's nickname and it was Fletcher and Fletcher Fletcher for a girl. Yeah, but it's very Australian as well.

You know my favorite singer who is this bisexual woman.

Her name she's a redhead.

Okay, she's so hot, love it already Fire Fletcher's fiery buyer Amelio.

But also another name I like is a Sarah, which Sarah that means strength.

How do you spell that?

A C E R o Oh?

I love that.

That means strength and it means steal.

We have depth and you know, like substance.

To our name.

Yeah, but even a girl a Sarah yeah, something different.

Yeah, so you know, I definitely think if we have a boy, it'll be Amelia. If we have a girl, could be a Sero or Fletcher. These names are what we're thinking right now. We might come that, you know, baby who knows its like off the cards, off the cards. Definitely Matthew like Daniel. No, we have the most Monday names, Daniel and Matthew. Like. His actual name is Philippe, but his middle name is Daniel and he's always used Yeah, so he's philipp Is. Yeah. In my middle name is Joel,

Feel give them, give them like a name that you know will be like famous.

I like the name of le Roy, Yeah, because it comes from Gilroy, Gimilroy, the kid Larroy l Roy.

I do like that.

Yeah, just le Roy, like Larroy? Whyron I l Roy like the kid Larroy, but without the kid. But he will be a kid. There's I mean, there's a few names that sort of go through through my mind. I don't love anything mundane. I don't want any simple name.

So nothing like biblical, like Joseph.

No sire no, no, no, definitely not absolutely not. I don't know where those names come from. But the Bible. I think you're listening your friends.

Okay, also talking about the Bible.

No Sam Sam and Alex arem Ie Sam, Alex Knick, Sam Alex Nick truly on repeat.

I love my shirt today.

Because it says my ex is my biggest fan. I'm like, which X thinks this is about them? Which?

Okay, good question, Which X would be the biggest fan?

I was thinking about it. I don't know all of them probably.

Talking about biblical and I guess going down the route of you know, having a child one will you have them baptize?

Is that something that you have in your family? Two?

Also, do you believe in God parents? Because I will put my application in tomorrow.

You know, I believe in God parents. Not for the reason of the I suppose the religion aspect. I believe that I would want people to be part of the family unit for support for I can we.

Call it other than God parents? Like, it's not.

But in our in our culture, you know, it's like it's auntie, uncle it is, you know, it's we have it already because our families.

Like other aunties and uncles are another mom and dad, that's right, you know, yeah, brothers and sisters.

And we have that experience, you know. Like, so I think that it'll be around us.

Such kinship, beauty of that.

So I think that, Like, but what I want is that the you know, I have this. I get emotional. Actually when I think about my kid already, how weird is that?

It's not weird? Well, I cry about a baby I haven't even got yet. What do you do?

When I think about my child, all I think about is how much I want them to feel and see love. That's what I want for them, So their experience as a kid beautiful. I want them to know what that feels like verbally, physically. I want their environment to be love like. And because I think that as a dad, like I want I want to show them, show them something different. You know, dads can be soft and gentle and supportive and kind and caring.

Oh my god, my dad, my doctor dad is like exactly like that. And it's so crazy because he's only come into my life for seven years. But imagine if you had that your whole life, like you. I'm so glad that I'm so strong and I've been so independent, but I've had to be sort of reparented in that sense to be yeah, yeah, exactly, and I had to be a little bit learned to be a bit soft. And I love my dad because he's just so personable. But imagine if, yeah, you're going to be a great dad.

I just know that it'll become my focus. It'll be my whole personality. You know, I will be like you know, I will be the dad that's at the park.

I need to get my dad's stuff out of way.

Breastfeeding I can already find like I already see joy in just hanging out at the park with my kid and the other parents all that sort of like parenthood time with your young child. I already see that I would enjoy that that. I know it'll be tough, but also as a gay couple, we need to make sure that the legality is something that my brain goes to on parenthood when you're a gay couple.

Yeah, and like who gets the kids and.

What happens if anything goes down? You know what I mean? Like that's like I am already.

Protective a prenup.

Well, I'm already protective of my child in that sense, you.

Know, so are you guys? Splitting the cost?

Yeah, it's so weird to think splitting the cost for a baby, isn't it.

I think what's fair, though, is that I think as a family unit, whoever is the breadwinner. If you're in the family unit and you really love each other and you want to create something together, I don't think it needs to be fifty to fifty. I really don't. I don't think that if someone's two examples, if someone's on one hundred k year and someone's on three hundred k year, that's not what we're on, but that if that was

For me, Yeah, you can both contribute, but it doesn't have to be fifty to fifty. Yeah however, Yeah, and I think that's within your means, and it's about compromise and communication and discussing like what is in your capacity.

Because for me, my timeline doesn't go out the window whether I have a partner or not. Yeah, you know, for me, having a baby is happening, it is. I don't need to depend on my partner for that. Like I know that the process depends on a woman and an egg, but like you know, my gay partner, it doesn't depend on our relationship. Yeah, which is super important to me. So whether I'm with my partner or not, I'm having a baby, do you know what I mean?

Yeah, And neither of you are are parents already. Yeah, I mean you've kind of had a dog, so you kind of can gage a bit of responsibility and you've brought up you know, your siblings as well.

I was like, basically a human.

Well, yeah, I feel so different, but very still war a nappy. Well you both haven't been parents, so you're going to have a figuring out sort of teething out process.

And he's really chill, and I'm really like rigent. I'm like, Nope, this is what needs to happen, and we need to talk to every agency that's possible, you know, Like he's like, no, it would be fine. I'm like, fuck, you know that's good. That's good. Balance, Balance, good name, baby a baby name Balance. No, I don't speaking of that. What is the worst name you've ever heard?

Balance?

You could say balance, balance, Hi, this is Balance calling the roll Balance, it's Balance.

This poor girl had this name in high school and I just watched her get absolutely teased her whole high school life. And I will now never name my kid this. But her name was Wylene.

Spat out my drink.

I know why, exactly why.

And then the joke used to always be whyleen when you can stand, And I used to just want to smash people's faces in because I'm like this poor little Malaysian girl.

Alone, cultural name was exactly just leave her a disgusting behavior.

From teachers too.

Yeah, I know I used to want to like knock them out, but yeah, Wylen is just frustrating, Like I.

Just feel for her.

So that's probably not what I will name my kid. Probably not names that my exes have totally.

Ye, what about like cultural?

Yeah? Mostly yeah, I think like more but not.

Like not like real ghetto because like sometimes like I know someone who's named their kids with the word kori in every single one of their kids' names, koreanak.

And Kim Kardashi.

Yeah, but k is on all their names. Like it just it's a bit I don't like it.

I don't love that, like a alisiha kayosha, I don't I don't love those kind of I.

Don't know about white people naming their kids blackfellow cultural names. It just feels a bit gammon.

It does feel a bit gammon. I'm not too sure.

I'm more embarrassed for them than angry.

No, I would never be angry.

I'd be like, oh, not like if they come to school and they say, hello, this is my son Kuolando.

Or like you know, or they go this is my kid gamill Roy, you'd be like, do you.

Know what that, you know what I mean, So I don't.

I don't think I would feel comfortable with it, But I wouldn't even care because it's nothing to do with me, do you know what. But on the other side of that, there are names that I hear and I just get so charged by it because I have had little shitty students that have had these names, and it can taint your experience with a name, you know what I mean.

Just you just hear that name.

I mean, you just and then someone will like, hey, my name is and that name and you're just like automatically.

Also, do you think names shape people?

Because I think there is a psychology in it, Like when a kid is named something, it's like their personality. Like then I feel like their name suits their personality, suit their name.

I think that can happen.

They can happen with the opposite, which is what you're saying. Do I know anyone, but.

I think Chris Brown does not. It's like the whitest name on the planet.

It is doctor Chris Brown, and it suits him, you know, but Chris. But I also want my kid to have a name where they don't even have to, you know, have their last name, like Riana, Beyonce, Zippora, Zendaya, Margo.

Margo exactly, exactly, Okay, this is exciting.

Let me ask let me ask you a question before we wrap. What would be your rap name?

DJ Brooklyn Okay, yeah.

I will be DJ Rafi. Why Refaki because I'm freaky.

You're doing some reiki ship.

No, I'm DJ Refi because I'm freaky. Oh, let's give.

You Since my instagram used to be be Underscore Brooklyn B, so it's like Brooklyn B but like there was a space, and I think I like the I've got the.

Best name for your instagram, Brooklyn Bay Gal, Brooklyn Bagels. That's amazing.

And on that note, you have lost the plot. We're so excited for your surgency journey.

I can't wait to the Auntie brook over there.

I know, I can't wait to be another Auntie. But also we're so excited maybe to have Luke and Sassys Scott on so they talk about this.

Would love that, would love to.

Yeah. Anyways, thank you guys so much for listening to.

First things first, if you love what you hear, leave us a little rating and a review, and if you want us to cover anything on the pod reach out by our socials.

My handle is at It's Many Mills, and Brooks is at brook dop Blowton and you can catch the over podcast action over at nover Podcast Official. Bye bye,