Guess Which One of Us Slept With a Woman Last Week

Welcome to First things first, I'm brook Bletting. My pronouns as she and her.

I'm Maddie meals. My pronouns are he and him. And before we get started, I'd like to acknowledge the custodians of the land on which we record, And for me it's the Gaddigel people of the.

Urination, and for me it's a wondering people of the cooler nation.

Let's get it.

We're here. I'm literally fresh off the back of a massive weekend. But I had such a thrilling time being in Darwin. Yeah, I love Darwin.

Have you been Darwin? Yes?

Oh my god, isn't it a vibe?

Yeah?

I mean you can't really swim because of the crocs.

Yeah, but they have the whole waterfront that they made, like Darwin Waterfront is like a man made lagoon. Yes, but now when you're in there, you're constantly thinking, oh, a crocodile could be in here, so it's not that enjoyable. My thought is, if I was a crocodile, I'd climb over the wall at nighttime when everyone's asleep, wait for the morning. Those first people to jump into the lagoon breakfast.

I didn't think crocodiles could climb. And two I saw a video of it climbing this big fence and I was like, kid, do not clime. Yeah, they can and they can run. Fuss, it's insane.

Well let me tell you, jog.

Light Jog.

I swam with a crocodile on the weekend. Believe it or not. It was insane. So there was one thing. Yeah, I was shitting myself, Oh my god, especially because you get to watch the experience before you go in like other people do it. And there were these two girls and the crocodile was going like frantic for them, like it wanted to eat these two women in this cage. And it was the only thing that I really wanted to tick off my list in Darwin once I got there. And I've been to Dawn a few times, but I

And giving me anxiety.

In an enclosure with crocodiles. I didn't have one. I had two, and it's like you're in a piece of tupperware about to be dropped.

In to that I can't. That makes me so panic.

And then once you're in the water and under the water, your brain doesn't really adjust, so it doesn't realize that there is perspects between you and the crocodile. So when you put your hand out, it's like you can touch the crocodile because you can't see the clear covering of this container. It's weird.

That's so crazy, that's so scary, and that's probably what a croc sees as well, right maybe.

Oh yeah, they was circling me the whole time. They're very opportunistic, so what they normally do in the wild is they will watch something for weeks on end before they attack it.

Wow.

They don't just go over and like immediately get it, unless you know, it's like.

A delicious snack like you.

Yeah, unless unless it's like me, and then it's like drooling at the mouth. Now, But was that big?

Is that?

You know what? It was scary, But I'm so glad I did it, and I loved one this time of the year.

This year, do you remember the namurs right, Yeah, the National Indigenous Music.

Yeah, I did well. Barker was a big winner on the night. She took out two awards Dan Sultan one Album of the Year. It was a stella knight like Jess performed three times. She did like a mad medley of all her big hits.

Amazing.

And then at the end there was this twenty year anniversary of the Nemas that's been going for twenty years, where all the artists on stage. It was like fifteen probably our best First Nations artists in this country, all performing like hits. And one thing that stood out was like Jess performing better in Black by film a Plant. It was like a cover. It was epic.

Oh that's amazing. I love that song by Filma so good.

How was your weekend? I mean we had a good conversation while I was in Dark. Want to spill the beans are what? No?

I had a bit of a what did I do?

Let's go to surprises? Any surprises? The email?

It's so weird? Hell, why am I getting so weird to talk about this? I never get weird about talking about sex.

M So.

Every time I have a crush on a girl, or I talk about a girl, I get like real, like like real.

Like blushed. I guess it's funny.

Anyways, I had my first, not my first.

Sorry you are flustered, girl, I'm so flustered.

I'm so flustered. Okay, get the fucking shit together. I am back on the Pisa train.

It's been a long time, guys, it's been a long time.

I put the roomors to sleep.

Yeah, put the rumors to sleep.

You know.

I think I was kind of in this rebellious stage where because my bisexuality was fucking plastered everywhere and everyone would ask so much about my sexuality, I kind of got so fatigued and so exhausted about it that I

Wait, guys are easier.

A little bit.

Yeah, well like easier in a sense where it's like I can kind of detach very quickly in a way.

Do you get what I mean?

Like, guys are easy, but I'm thinking about the bedroom well.

In terms of relationship, right, I find that because I respect women so much and I put women on a like high pedestal, I never want to be disrespectful or not give a woman the time of day. So not that I don't respect men, but I have this kind of feeling like like you get over it, kind of fucking vibes, you know what I mean. But with a woman, I want to give them absolute time and effort in emotion and be present. So I haven't had that capacity to really feel and do that.

So I haven't explored that.

That's not my excuse, but that's kind of my reasoning to why I've stayed away from dating women for a little bit, because I love them actually a lot. Like I realized like having sex with a woman again, I was like, oh my god, I'm so clearly fucking gay.

So I was quote.

From you over the weekend on the phone, You're really good in the sack question.

I did not say that, did not did?

I said, Okay, I was doing it too. I was like, yeah, you are. But I just remember being like, so, how was it tell me everything, Like was it like, did you really want to do it? And you were like I was a bit tired, but then I was like, oh, I'm really good at it, so I might as well.

Confidence. No, I it's like I switched.

I'm like, I just know and I feel like I doubt went.

Into d and you were.

The visual I got.

Just there was so fucked up, like I got a tongue with like for the drive wheels.

It's so unhinged. Oh god.

Anyway, Yeah it was great, It is great.

Well, I was like, did the bit of nostalgia come up from this experience? Like did it take you back in time?

To be fair, my early twenties were mostly consumed by women, if I'm being honest, Like I didn't really date a lot of men, and my friends will vouch for that as well, because most of my girlfriends, you know, that I played footy with or that I worked with, or we're all sort of mostly lesbian women or queer or bisexual or whatever, and so it was just such an.

Environment that I was surrounded by.

But yeah, no, I just feel like it just took me back to my early twenties, where I was like I used to have these like massive parties.

I don't know what you've ever really spoken about this. This is so funny.

Orgies.

They're not orgies. No, no, no, no.

Like I had this house and it was like me and my two best friends when we're all gay, and we lived in this house and it was kind of like a bachelorette pad, if I'm being honest, like it was we had this shed, I had this garage where I put all these fun posters and I covered the side of the wall and had this brick wall. So it was kind of this urban sort of garage that we used to all hang out at. But then when

Happened on that couch. I was like, this should be in like one of those museums. Like it was the couch that everyone fucked on. It was hilarious. Yeah, but it's hot and it was fine and it.

Was exciting and it was my early twenty.

No more told me about it. So if the party started like eight nine o'clock, how would the night go. It would be like table tennis drinks until you got a bit unhinged, and then you would just see like girls scissoring on the lounge.

I mean, you can fucking ask that question, because if a straight guy asked me that question, I'd punch him in the face. But no, it was just like, you know, there'd be people hooking up pretty much and you know what, and then yeah, just whatever, but.

You know you're not like watching it and it doesn't happen.

Everyone kind of gets to a point where where everyone goes to bed or goes back to their rooms, like my housemates when everyone leaves, and then you know, there's the last few stragglers that are hanging around, you know, and I'm like, yeah.

Crash on my couch. I don't care.

Back then, I'd slept with more women than I had men, which is quite funny, and then now it's yeah, they've taken over.

I'm interested in what made you get with a woman recently? Like, was there a moment it wasn't wasn't the coffee girl, was it?

No, it wasn't the coffee girl.

No, it was a girl that I've known and hooked up with maybe like once a year we actually physically catch up. We'd only met in person maybe halfway through last year. Honestly, it was when the sort of maybe the World Cup was happening. Okay, So we talked online for months and we'd sort of check in and say hi, and then all of a sudden we sort of got together. And there's obviously that sexual tension. But the first time

They going back to London? Okay?

And then this time they were back from Paris and flew into Sydney and then flew to Melbourne.

Anyways, you're so.

I want to get all the details.

Well, I can't give you the detail because she's.

Not like the details. I'm trying to figure out who it is.

Oh, I got you.

Would you ever try to pursue.

It as a relationship?

Yeah? No, no, Okay, why I mean why not?

Because I would be a wag.

She would be Brook Blaton because I look at him thinking you're already somebody. It's not like you're going to be turned into a wag like you are Brook Blurton. So it's like you two would have like a level playing field when it came to light, I.

Just don't love a couple.

Yeah no, And I think she's amazing, and I think this it would be a great it's a great friendship before like a sort of relationship, And we haven't really spoken about that, but we've both sort of been on the same path of you need to be with someone that has their own things going on, which we both felt like that. But every time she has got with someone, I think she's felt that they want to immediately.

Be in a relationship with her.

And I don't think that's something that I've ever wanted with her.

And I think that's what.

I guess attracts her about me, is that I'm not I'm like, yeah, I'm here, but I'm not trying to like wife you up. And that's what kind of what happens with lesbians a little bit, is that there's this u hole like I need to move in quickly, that you need to be together.

And I mean I do it with guys as well sometimes. And it's not like I.

Don't like her, I just don't know what a relationship looks like with her, and so we just haven't really explored that and it's just been like this really beautiful friendship slash, you know, sexual tension and catching up.

So anyways, moving on, So you called me on the weekend. Yeah, and you were hanging out with your ex.

So, for those who don't really know, I'm not in a relationship. I am two people at the same time and they've just had sex with a girl.

So my love's days about life.

It is, and I'm here front seat of the road ready to go.

Yeah, there's that guy that I was telling you about who's I'm seeing casually. So we're seeing each other once a week and we're letting it naturally progress because he's really lovely and he's great. But obviously I still have such an attachment to my ex boyfriend, who I see quite often, but it's not a relationship.

It's just more of a convenience or hanging out thing.

Anyways, I went over to his house and I went to the bathroom and I looked in his bin and there was makeup wipes and tampon wrappers. We've communicated that if we are seeing other people or we are sleeping with other people, we would let you know each other.

Know, that is a tough thing to put yourself.

Through it is it really is.

Yeah, I see so many red flags with this, and I'll tell you why. I know, because he is having you when he wants, but then also not giving you what you need.

What if he is giving me what I need.

But he's not because you're seeking something else, You're seeking more, that's why you're back there.

Yeah.

No, you're looking for something in him that I just don't think that he's going to give you. But I think we should continue with the story before I make my no.

I love the revelations. Look to be fair. I'm whoever's listening. I feel like, you know, if you've been in the situation, please help a girl out, because I have no idea sometimes what the situation is going to end up, and I do feel like I will end up getting hurt, which I'm equally prepared for in a way, and luckily I'm fucking in therapy every week.

But when you spoke to him about this, what did he say?

Okay?

So, I, you know, called my friends to ask for advice, as you would, and I'm really helpful that I've got reasonable friends and great friends that have seen two sides of the story, you know, like good friends that you're just like, Okay, this could be this, and it could be this, and they're like, you know, you need to communicate with him what the scenario is and sort of try to find the facts and do it in a calm response.

Don't just be like I found this blah blah blah blah, you know.

And I was like, okay, what's the reasonable I thought, maybe it's his mom. I'm like, no, your mom's probably a little bit older, you know, maybe premenopause kind of age. I don't think she would be getting her period at that age. And I was just making an assumption. That's just one. But it was the makeup wipes for me, So obviously someone stayed over because they've taken their makeup off.

That's my assumption.

Yes, turns out he's a drag queen.

Hidden life, the hidden Secret life. Anyways, So I thought about, Okay, this could be the scenario. But then I was like, okay, don't jump to assumptions. Let's just find out the facts.

Does that sound like something he would do.

Is he like a entirely grubby But I think it's definitely believable. And I did look him in the eye and I said to him, like, you wouldn't lie to me, would you, like, please just tell me, like if you are seeing someone or you have slept with someone, that you would just tell me and be honest and you know, And he was very like, you looked me in the eye, said he was telling the truth. He promised me that honestly, he just hadn't cleaned the bin out.

I believe he.

Told you that he hadn't slept with a girl since May.

Yeah, well, I believe that because he's been with.

Me since May.

Yeah really? Yeah?

Oh okay. I thought that that makes a little bit more understandable because in my head, there was a break.

Yeah, it was maybe like a week or two.

A week or two, yeah, okay, I get it. In my head, I thought you'd just reignited this flame and that there had been much more of like a substantial break. But there hasn't. So you've been like consistently seeing each other. That means that maybe he hasn't slept with someone else. I was thinking, come on, this man has to have slept with someone else if you've only just rekindled that yeah, had that big break.

No, we reconnected during Mother's Day around that time.

May have you seen that bin during that time between May and August.

See, this is my avoidant attachment, is that I don't love staying at his house because I then get more attached to our lives being together totally. Whereas if he just comes and goes from my house, I'm like, Okay, that's fine, this is my house, you know, like more comfortable.

For me, yeah, a little bit.

And so this is probably the second time and maybe stayed at.

His house, so there's not like a chance that you would.

Have yeah, like I would have noticed all for you know, my X was like are you sure? And I was like, well, I know what a fucking tampon rapper looks like.

I don't. I don't like the fact that he said are you sure? That's a little bit gaslighting for me.

It is a little bit gaslighting, and I do because do acknowledge that for sure?

It's him making you question your reality. I don't know. There's some red flags with this fellow for me because the past.

Yeah, so I guess the past is that you know, he cheated on his previous X where they were together for eight years and he cheated on.

Her for two years of that.

It's not complex because it doesn't need to be like I literally could just be like, Okay, I've had enough now, I really do, because I feel so comfortable and he.

It's so fucked.

It doesn't have any red flags for me other than the cheating aspect.

I know this is so fucked.

And like the preface he did say this, he said, from what I've learned before, he said, I would never lie to you. That's the thing that I'm practicing is I'm not I don't want to lie. I want to be open. So he did preface that and did say that that he is like trying so hard to be honest and open from his past. So he's acknowledging that. So I think that is something to count for. I know that, you know, people can change, and I think a lot of people think, oh, will you cheat once you cheat again?

I think people can change, but I think it, Yeah, I think people can also change with relationship dynamics. What I just made you break up? What made you break up because of the communication.

Yeah, we had a bad week of communication last year, and we because we were together for about three months and it was going really well, and I honestly felt so madly and deeply as I do, but like deeper than I'd ever really felt for someone within like four weeks, Like I just felt so comfortable and so I guess loved by him in such a way that I'd never

It's just so fucked.

I hate the fact that I talk about him like this and I'm like, ah, but we're not even together.

But and what's stopping that?

Well, both of us have had some stuff going on, I think, you know, for us, my thing is I don't want to commit myself to someone unless they're fully one hundred percent in. And he's just openly told me that he could never, not never, But he can't give one hundred percent into a relationship because he's still working on his shame and guilt from what he's done, which I think is admirable, like, go, you know, you need to work on that, and you know what, and I

So is there an issue with him? Like would you have an issue with him sleeping with anyone else?

Yeah, I probably would be upset. And I have openly told him that, and he's like, I just don't want to. And if he said if I wanted to, or if I did, he'd probably like tell me first before it happened, or like he would immediately tell me if it did.

Your heart is really set on your ex and then you're seeing like once a week, what is a give you that you need?

For me?

I sometimes don't know what a healthy relationship looks like, but if I'm in one, I generally sometimes think it's boring, and I know that's really sad. It's like I need it to be like fiery and passionate and intense and

You know what I mean, Like, Yeah, there's a part of me that wants to say to you to let your X go because he is what you've had in the past in terms of the really high passion, the lots of emotions. There's this other person in your life who is all green flags, but you're not giving yourself to them fully to experience that. And you say that

Like too nice, you know, like the whole too nice thing, Like.

Yeah, but he seems like somebody who's not going to hurt you.

The weird thing is is that they've both been in an eight year relationship. So it's just this is a whole new experience for me, like being this like open communication, these different varied relationships because such like an old version of me was so black and white, like we're together or we're not together, you know, but all of this is sort of in the gray, and this is all sort of in the mud. Well it's not really that muddy to be found.

I don't I.

Feel like I'm my mental health is really that being impacted that much. But then maybe I don't need a relationship. What do you think? And I actually really love your honesty, you know, like I really appreciate that you're so real with me and you tell me what you think is best for me, because sometimes I can't see it through

I think it's about expectation for you, Like you're pretty realistic with your own expectation. But I feel like because I remember in the past that I can't get over my ex. Do you want to get over him or not? Because if you want to get over him, you need to cut the cord and you need to move on and pursue something else, and if it's meant to happen, you will find each other again. But what's the point of holding onto something that isn't going to give you

I'm gonna throw a spanner in the works here, But I think there's part of me that I know that a serious, committed relationship is not on the cards for me for this year.

But then that's cool if that's your that's your vibe.

But I feel like I'm accepting that, you know, Like I'm accepting that that's not what I and you know, I potentially would be moving away or exploring, you know, work elsewhere with acting or whatever. So I'm sort of staying this like open minded, which the old me would be like, Nope, this is where I want, this is what I'm gonna get, and it's fine. Like that sometimes comes into play with things that I want and I

But yeah, like I committed.

I think that's also what's kind of great because Semini sort of we are in a relationship, but it's not a relationship.

Well, I was about to throw a little spinner in the works and ask if he was if he admitted to you, and he said, yes, I'm sleeping with someone else. And that was probably her rappers. What would your reaction be?

Then I would be really upset that he's lied to me. Obviously first, because I'm big on principle. And you said that you'd be honest and you haven't, the trust would.

Be gone and then you would and then.

I would yeah, and then I would say to him, I don't trust you. Therefore, you know, I don't think that I could pursue this whatever.

But what if he told you before the fact and before he saw those things, and he told you that he'll sleeping with someone else? Would you be okay with it?

Yes? I would.

I would be like, Okay, they've got a heads up of where we stand more so, not that I don't know about already, but yeah, yeah, yeah, Like it's the honesty thing for me because obviously he's previously lied and cheated and not been honest, where I feel like, yeah, he'd be repeating that same pattern, so therefore I know that he hasn't done the work and he hasn't changed.

So I'm on the same page as you, like, I think honesty in a relationship equals hope. For instance, if my partner came home to me and I knew that they had cheated and I asked them and they said to me, yes, I did. There would be a slither of hope, yes, that there would be respect there really Yeah for saying yes instead of trying to deny it. If somebody could say, like, for instance, if Jenny came home and I found out he cheated, then I said, hey, have you cheated on me? And he said yes, I have.

Yeah of course. Yeah.

But if I gave them the opportunity to tell me the truth and they told me the truth, then there's an opportunity for us to build something because I know that you will.

Be taking the Countess route.

Yeah, you'll be honest in the tough times.

Yes, yeah, yeah, I agree.

So it's like I hope that he's being honest with you because I don't want anything to come down.

I hope so too. I mean when we did, you.

Know, go on the walk and I sort of confronted him in a less confrontational way, he was like, you know, I would never lie to you, Like it's something I've tried, not ever to do, is to lie to you and be honest with you.

And at what point do we hide the cameras next week? Yeah, I'm the handy man. Just toooked me to some plumbing, I'll go in.

Guys, I just know that, you know, in a matter of fucking weeks, months, whatever time it is, I'm going to be crying on this podcast because.

Why what do you think? What do you what are you foreseeing.

That the novel two of him being with me we're aware of and then we're back to her. But the thing is, we've been together longer in this period of time than we were ever together in a.

Relationship you've just had. You've just given yourself a revelation so many of these relationships and novelty for you. Yeah, damn, mic drop.

Right.

Well that's all we have time for today. Thank you so much for listening to First things First, and if you love as guys, you love what you're hear, leave us a rating and a review.

And if you want us to cover anything on the pod, just reach out slide into our DMS. Brooks handle is at brook dop Blerton Mine is at its Muddy Meals and you can check out all the Nova Podcast action over at Nova Podcast of Visual.

See you guys next week, Love you, bye bye bye m