Embryos Are Being Created, a Baby is On The Way

I record this podcast on Gaetigul Country. I'd like to pay my respect to the traditional.

Custodians, and I'm recording o Orando Country, part of the Cooler Nation.

Let's go.

I know you're gonna dig this. It's like I've been given like an extra sprinkle of something.

You've got layers, Yeah, I got layers.

I was just thinking, I'm like, we're just such beautiful storytellers.

You're making a lot of sense to that girl. No, I'm done.

Let's be too honest to go. Oh that makes me laugh so much.

That's funny that it is just a crack.

Up with new Intro who it is?

Yeah?

New Intro who is? They had so many great yarns on this pod, and we've had so many I don't know, conversations that just are now part of our history. You know, it's like a time capsule of our life.

I know, we can't escape it. Remember we were like, yeah, we were so wholesome, yees yeah.

Yeah. You know what would be interesting is, really I haven't got time, and I know you definitely don't have time, but to go back and see how there's been a shift in our conversation, you know, from not so PG days. Oh you know, like I wonder what twenty twenty five brings in terms of our evolution, our growth, and how those conversations sit compared to two years ago. Right, I feel like that'd be so different.

That would be And I think also, though I love pretty much what you just said at the time capsule, it shows that life, well, life is not linear. It's going to go in waves and dips, and I think our episodes will definitely capture that, And it would just be so interesting to like, maybe we could get a timeline of all our episode headlines and just see like, yes.

What topics we were exploring sort of where we were in our lives. There'll be so many where well, I'm pretty sure they'll be triggering for us because we share so much. We're so vulnerable that like I even have that issue when I go back through my photo real like role, you know Role.

Actually, I think I've downloaded every single one of our episodes, so I would have that on my Spotify.

Oh yeah, I'm going.

To go through that. That that's going to be a bit of nostalgia for me.

I think that's going to be really important to how I shape twenty twenty five this year, because give.

Me a buzz if you end up in an emotional book, because I'll probably want to do the same thing. Yes, well, you said mentioned the word timeline earlier, and that's something that I've been like sort of thinking about. And you want to know something exciting that I'm going to just drop as a bomb in this episode. Absolutely, I'm starting the process for a child in November in Colombia.

No way, Holy Maddie.

When the embryos are being created in November, Oh my god.

I know Brooker is ready. She was born for this, and Uncle Ricardo, we're all ready.

Well, the reason I bring it up is because I'm like, you know what, this home capsule these moments in my life. One day, I'm going to sit my kids down and go go and listen to the podcast. You didn't have it as hard as me. Go and listen to what I went through.

But only be specific with the episodes, Maddie, because you know before not so PG was.

Not verys for kids.

But you know, at what point do we delete them off the Internet?

Oh?

True, probably No. Once it's out there, it's out there, Dad says all the time.

They're like, did you guys have an only fans. I was like, no, but we had a podcast basically the same thing. I listened to it. There was so much insight clothes.

Oh god.

Anyways, so talking about Maddy daddy. November doesn't feel like that far away, to be fair with you.

It's not that far away. But we've come to a decision on the process. You know, it's like having my partner sister be involved in the process, so it'll be a matter of her and donating an egg in my sperm and having a sorry get carried the baby.

Oh it's gonna look like both of them.

I know, it's going to look like both of us, and it's going to be both our DNA. You know. It's like such a beautiful thing for us because we both wanted a child. But his sister is also a lesbian with the partner who Denny will be donating his sperm too. Like we're going to do it all when we get over there in November and create you know, the embryos, and then hopefully next year twenty twenty six, I'm going to be a dad.

That's so wholesome, I know. Oh my god.

It's such a big process though, and the expenses, like we're currently working through spreadsheet of all the costs it's going to cost, okay, and so it's a massive commitment. You know, it's around the minimum, you know, one hundred thousand dollars. So it's a big, big, big cost for us to even take on this, you know, big process. So yeah, we're working towards it. And yeah, twenty twenty six is the year that I'm going to be dad hopefully.

I feel like you will, but I think you'll settle in. I think obviously the newborn stage.

Is probably some of the hardest parts, like the sleep deprivation and you're trying to keep this little thing alive. But I think once you're over that like six month to a year hill, which I think my brother went through,

I was pushing a pushing a pram around yarb and the Aboriginal Festival, and it was my friend Kelsey, you know Kelsey, Yeah, pushing her little jar geums around at Yarbin, And all I could feel was that, like that was my future. I was like, this is going to be me. I'm going to be a dad pushing these prams around, running after these kids, and it just brings me so much joy. And I haven't even met much child yet, but I get emotional thinking about the connection that I'm

Which, yeah, they think that's the first thing, right, and then you kind of do your processes and your structure of like finance, and then I guess getting prepped. I think that's the best thing. With you know, same sex couples, it's like it's so much consideration not to say that hetero's sexual relationships don't consider that. But it seems a bit more easier and sometimes a bit more spontaneous and a bit of a surprise for them. Like I know

I'm not a stand girl.

You're like, I am not a one night stand.

No, but it's a result of it, and I.

Was a surprise, beautiful result.

Honestly, thank you.

Yes, that's stunning.

I feel I've contributed to society, which is a great thing.

Oh you have. Yeah, absolutely, I.

Pay my taxes.

I pay my taxes, but there's a real process and consideration between same sex couples, and I think that's the best thing. You got so much time, not so much, but you've got enough time to really get yourself prepared, I think. But you never they always say you never will be prepared because it's one of those.

Things, like you you don't know.

What your child is going to be, like whether they're a crier or there's don't sleep, like you just don't know and you've got to figure it out.

But I think.

You will absolutely slay that.

I think, Yeah, but you know, it was the perfect timing for me because I always said once I turned thirty, which is this year, I'm going to then, you know, really focus on that dream of mine and having a child. So it's really come at the perfect time for me. But you know, you just turned thirty and you're actually, you know, celebrating your birthday a little bit late this year.

I am, Yeah, it's.

An exciting time for you. You might not be thinking about kids, but you're thinking about hitting a dance floor.

Yeah, thirty seems a bit different to my vision that I had on my board maybe a couple of years ago. I was actually having a conversation with a friend of mine who we were just unpacking again. Timelines, I think timelines and seem to be a thing where, you know, we've spoken about this before, the pressure of women and their body clocks, et cetera.

I don't feel like I'm under pressure.

And if I do feel like that pressure, you know soon I'll go and get my eggs freeze, which I have considered and I've been trying to put a little bit more money aside because it's just quite expensive.

She said, do you mind me asking like, how much is that process here?

So I think it's like a few months process to get your eggs. But it can cost like eleven to fifteen thousand dollars.

Wow.

And then yeah, and then you have to pay rent every month yeah wow, So roughly I think four to five.

Hundred dollars a year.

I think maybe maybe not a month yep, yeah, so quite a bit.

But I don't know.

I'm just not in that space of being a parent at the moment. And if I felt like I would like to buy myself, I would just look at that and consider that absolutely.

Yeah. I don't know. I just want to no pressure there, which is nice, you know, to feel that, because I feel like a few years back you were sort of putting yourself under a bit of pressure of society was putting you know, put women under pressure all the time when it comes to the biological clock. But it is a real thing, and I think that maybe your view has changed, you know, on Well.

The heartbreaking thing is is that I had made it really clear in my mind and my body that I never let a guy at all like.

Inside me ever unless I knew that.

We were going to have a baby, okay, because I was like, that is just not something that I want that to sounds so fucked to be so special. And I did that with David, and we were actively trying for a baby, and then we broke up. And then a few days after we broke up and he left me, I found out I was pregnant, And that for me was just so terrifying because and also so conflicting because I'd always wanted to be pregnant. I never had any real big scares or anything before, obviously, and I get

Sorry, I'm giving way too much detail, but no.

No, no, I'm listening. I feel like when I mentioned a couple years back, that's what I was sort of talking about. We had a conversation one night, but even before that, you were pretty certain on freezing your eggs and you know, even wanting to be pregnant to have a child. You know, like it was like a conversation that we had, but then you said maybe your mindset had shifted a bit. Do you think it was due to that experience?

I really think it comes back to that twenty twenty one year that I'm just so cautious of who I'm going to be having a child with, and I feel so much more better having it by myself. And I think my family and friends really support this because they know that even with my dog, the love and care and consideration that I give that little fur child, and I just feel like I can rely on myself and I can't rely on anyone else, and that's really bad. I know that, you know, I need to work through that,

So it's kind of a good thing, I think.

I know there's a great inspiration rach Corbett for that process.

Yes, exactly, She's such an inspiration for that.

Yeah. And she said to me the other day, I had a quick convoy with her about parenting, you know, and I said to her, so, I've always thought that even if I don't have a partner, I do it on my own. It was always in the back of my mind, I would do it on my own, you know, through surrogacy. And she said to me, well, the one thing that I knew that I'd be good at in my life is being a mum, So it was always

I feel like that's the same thing too.

Yeah, it's so Yeah, it's such a beautiful, loving thing to see.

I think the timing of it as well is like really vital, Like I would love to do that, and I think when the time came to consider that, I've just got a few things that I wanted to tick off first, and I think maybe people will see them as selfish. But I think for me, like I haven't traveled, I haven't gone and explored the world.

I think I need to get.

Bad out of the way and then I have a little bit more life experience and stuff that I can offer.

I think as well, like.

Yeah, I think, like you know, Rachel is such a great inspiration of how you can just do it, not how you just do it like it's a lot of work and a lot of effort. But I would love my family obviously to be a part of that. And I think it would be a matter of moving home and having that like first two years at home with my child, with my family, because exactly like it takes

Home and be home worst I was pregnant.

So think it would be like the nine months that I'm pregnant plus the two years I feel like to establish that toddler at stage, and if I wanted to move whatever wherever I could then but I would have to move back.

Home that But I've also had this conversation with Denny. I said, you know, to have the baby in Colombia, we would stay and create a very supportive environment with his family because he has a lot of siblings. Mom, you know, a great mum who would be able to help us for two men. I think it's super important that there are people who can show us the way. It's not like we have like mother instincts, you know, it's like those parental instincts and father instincts will kick in.

They're getting older. And yeah, that's right.

So we would stay I think for up to six months and have that supportive network. So we spoke.

Yeah, well, I think it's like maybe Columban's feel the same way, like maybe as First Nations people, when the early stages of a newborn, that baby kind of gets passed around community and gets held by all the aunties and uncles and cousins so that they have that bond in connection.

And I think, like, I.

Don't know if i've if I've just read this, or it's like I just remember that moment. I know me growing up, Like when my baby brother was born, he was getting like like breastfed by my auntie. He was pregnant at this, Like who was breastfeeding at the same time. I was like, okay, okay, we're a close.

Family's so random.

Anyways, that's just an overshare, sir.

I mean, that's the basis of our culture, right, can shit care?

Actually?

Yeah, now that been in Melbourne for like four years. I've had to make a little community here in Melbourne. And I would say, honestly, Maddie, like your family to me, like if I was absolutely if I was gone to jail or I did something legal or I needed help or something, you'd be one of my top few.

People, right call me, I will trust me. Yeah.

So I was just establishing because last year was really tough on friendships for me. I lost and there's a full stop at the end, there's no open door. I feel like it was a really.

Hard year to come to terms with some of my friendships.

Maybe my eyes were closed and I couldn't see what was happening, and the friendships that I had were just more based off superficialism.

If that's a word. I've just made it up now.

And these people used to say the same thing to me, like oh, are they really your friends or they just like want something from you? And I was like always pretty certain that my friends that I had were.

Like my family and my community here.

And then I went obviously did acting school and I didn't have a lot of time, and I made some really awesome new friends who I was making time for school and everything and caused a really bit of a dispute, I guess between my old friends not spending that time.

The defense, like I.

Was made to feel like I was really shit and that I'm a shit friend and that I am passive aggressive or like that kind of energy. So I sat with that and I reflected, and I actually and I wrote down, like you know, I went to therapy and I spoke to my therapist about it, and he said, why don't you write down what you do for the friendship, like what you feel Obviously it's only going to come

Whatever.

It was like, that's how I felt so fondly about these people that when I wasn't met with that same love or compassion that I would think that it would happen. I was like, okay, this is a reality check, Like this is like these people are not your friends.

It's also about closure, like like you need to either be willing both sides this, you know, both parties to come together work it out and move forward, or come together decide not to move forward and let everything go. It's like there needs to be some sort of closure otherwise you're sitting there in limbo going, I wonder what we are, like, I wonder if they still like me. I wonder if.

This is what happened, is that I we will back and forth and I've kind of kept this group together because that's how I've grouped them in my mind and like in my life is that they're my little community, like they're all together. I want to see them all together. I want to hang out with them individually. But I felt like I was and then the glue came unstuck when I got busy and I wasn't putting them the time and effort into the friendship, but I actually was

From dialogue, to be like, hey, what's going on? One chat about try and resolve it, Not like, hey, guys, you were all shit. I think that we should talk. It's like you're actually being open to hearing.

I had to.

Say as well.

Anyway, So moving on, some things were definitely said in this conversation which made me realize a lot of things. One, just because your friends for a long time doesn't make them good friends.

Yep, I definitely feel like I'm in a moment in my life where it's like I'm creating lists of people who I interact with, putting them in categories, and one of those categories is the safest, Like.

Is this please tell me about the person to be now?

So for me, I only, you know, came up with this the other day, but it was like moving forward. There are certain areas of my life that I'm really trying to focus on and be proud of the work that I'm doing in these areas, and some people just don't respect that when it comes to relationships. They don't understand why that's important to me, and they try and influence me in a way, not consciously trying to pull me towards, you know, the things that I'm sort of

So I don't think you're easily led.

I think it's like with the people that you do have and that you say do trust, they're just they're crossing a boundary and maybe you're just not aware that it's more of a selfish thing for them because you're I mean.

I think also that we don't have the same goals. They don't have the same goals as me. So it's like for me, I have a very small list of people who I feel really the word safe around and list. You're on my safe list. My friend Kelsey's on my safe list. My frend Janet is on my safe list, Emily's on my safe There are women or women say and isn't very telly, it is bloody. And then I have people who are like on them in the middle of the safe and not safe list, who are people.

Who they like amber, So there's like green amber, and then maybe and.

If I'm feeling strong in myself and how I'm tracking, I might interact with them, you know, because they're not unsafe. They're in the middle. But the unsafe people. There's a whole list of unsafe people who I've interacted with over the years who I'm just like and who became quite close friends in terms of the industry but also the party scene. And I'm just like, ain't nobody got time for you anymore? And it's not because I don't love you,

Just reminded me when you said let them go. There's this lady who's American. She started she wrote a book and it's like let them So it's like this let them theory, but she just says, like you don't need to have any type of input into whatever they're doing, like just totally let them do their thing.

If they hurt you, let them whatever. Mel Robins, that's.

It similar idea. But my therapist said to me, stop manipulating the world. Yeah, controlling people. Stopped getting them to do certain things that you maybe want them to do, or stop trying to inspire them in a way to do something. It's like, let them do what they're going to do and allow them to show you their true colors. One hundred personally thorough decision based on the reality, not

Well you're trying to persuade.

The persuasion maybe is the right word. But the thing is my therapist also says, manipulative or manipulation isn't always a negative thing, Like we manipulate situations in our daily life all the time, like you know, but we it's not always a negative thing. But in that scenario I get exactly because I've had the same conversation with my therapist, is that it's a control. It's trying to control your environment environment, and that comes down to a safety thing.

Like get ahead whatever it is.

Your intentions are usually like I can tell, your intentions are always for good, like you.

Want to do good for yourself. You never manipulative in a negative way.

I mean, you know, we've all been done some shitty things in our life. Also, when we're talking about safe list, I made the abitinal flag.

Oh.

I was like, the yellow is like my safe list, the black is like, oh these black mot these my mob, you know, because I'm proud Black First Nations women.

And then the red is like, get the fuck out.

Of the door, Get the fuck out. I love that. Okay, well, you know what, wrapping up this episode, that is the sentiment that we're going with. We're going to say, let them, let them open the door. Whoever wants to leave can leave.

That's very fitty.

Let's wrap it up right.

Yeah, that's this.

Has been a great episode. I'm excited for Maddie.

Daddy. I can't wait to get you a shirt that says I'm a cool dad.

No, can I just say Zaddy Zaddy Zaddy. They called the hot.

Dads, Oh Zaddy Zaddy.

Well, I want to be called Saddy.

I think you're I'm not a.

I'm I'm not a regular dad. Cool.

Yeah.

I just can't wait to get you that shirt because I think it would be so cute. I also think the I have one of these when I was a baby and it was like, oh you think I'm cute?

You see my dad?

It went from Maddy Fatty to Maddie Daddy.

Anyways, that wraps up this episode.

If you love us, leave us a little rating and review. Guys, we love to hear, and if you have anything that you want to speak about or a topic that you think we should talk about, let us know.

In else on us Socials.

And Brooks Handle is at brook Dot, Blurton, Mine is at It's Maddie Mills and you can catch the Nova Podcast action over at Nova Podcast Official.

Also, something really exciting happening this Saturday.

Maddie, what is it?

Oh, we are going to the Actor Festival on the Gold Coast to do our second live show. I can't wait. It's all about Black Joy. So if you are on the GC, make sure you come and check us out. We're going to put some show notes in this episode for tickets. It's free, so come along.

Come along.

I also heard that Russell Crowe is hosting the actors, so if you want to come see Crowy, why not get Tolly for Kroh.

We love that that laughter sounds like Black Joy.

That is black joke. We love it.

Bye bye