Welcome to First things first, I'm brook Blooding. My pronouns are she and her.
I'm Maddie Meals. My pronouns are he and him. And before we get started with life, to acknowledge the custodians of the land on which we record. And for me today that's the gatigal people of the urination.
And for me it's a wondering people of the cooler nation. And let's get into it. Yeah, let's go to you.
I know you've just come from a big, massive day doing an awesome job that you can't talk about right now, but super cool.
Just talking shit. You know, that's my job these days.
I don't even know how I got here or what I'm doing, but I seem to make money from it.
Still getting their bag, but talking shit, gotta.
Love it, actual but actually talking about talking hilariously. I'm losing my voice, as you can tell, I'm a bit crook. And I realized that I get like the sad blues when I get sick, Like I generally don't like feeling ill, and I know that everyone doesn't. That's a very normal feeling, but a man, it's like seasonal depression.
It's like sickness depression. I get the man flu.
I get real angry, real irritated, real sad, like I'm down and.
All I want is some sun What can you do?
We're really into this autumn winter now, like we're really in it, like they ain't gonna be any sunshine and no sunshine and gess.
And on that note, we better move on.
The way I'm wasting my voice right now? Is I don't know what I'm doing.
Anyways, you're on your last vocal cards there, that's for sure.
Hey, don't be mocking my singing.
Can I tell you a funny story about this whole mocking the singing vibe? Okay? On the weekend, I went and caught up with some.
Friends, and I do think your friends.
Yeah, I know, I'm so proud of you. And you know what, it's probably a stretch naming them friend cleaned? Are we your friends?
I don't know, don't even have their numbers just on Instagram.
Now. I just saw them on the side of the street and said, hey, do you want to hang? But no, Look, they're good friends of mine and they're black fellows. But I did the most shame thing, and I woke up yesterday thinking to myself, why did I do that? And it was that I was with someone who's a singer, and I was trying to prove to them that I could sing. Don't and see. Let me tell you, there's one thing that I can't do in the world and
that I'm happy to admit, and it's to sing. But this person, Scotty Campbell, their name is and they're Blackfellow, and they're a queer performer and great voice. We were watching YouTube videos of like Mariah Kerry, Whitney Houston, and Scotty was singing along and having these amazing like harmonies and hitting these notes. And here I was sitting next
to him. Sounded like a dead, dying cat. I could only imagine what he was feeling like in that moment, because when I woke up on Monday morning, I was like, I feel shame for myself. Oh I can't really do it. God funny, I'm like, did you ever get drunk and do like rap battles?
Well, no, I didn't ever do rap battles.
But I've always sung, and I sung in church when I was younger, like when we were in foster care. Like I've spoken about this quite a few times I've got a bit of a complex with singing, mind you, Right, Like I just feel like I got forced to sing in church, so I didn't enjoy it. So for a very long time I didn't really use my voice or sing.
What church songs did you sing? Because I sung in church as well? Oh?
Could I remember him now? Like Lord, Jesus is my savior, like that kind of thing, you know, Jesus saving you hunt.
Yeah, I remember singing all of those songs and feeling really like I felt like really Christian.
Yes, you know what, There's one song that I do love and it is it is this Jesus song, but it's got a It's called Oceans May Fall or Oceans Fall Apart or something, and it's a really nice song, but it more speaks to ocean, you know it.
I love that song and may far. That song's amazing. But you see influencers now doing like inspirational videos with that song underneath they have.
No idea like it is not it's a religious song and it's also by a heel song who are hugely homophobiical.
Yeah, so I know exactly what song you're talking about.
Yeah, But there my complex is singing.
It's so funny because now obviously doing Howard Fine and working and acting, we're teaching your learning.
How to use your voice.
And I don't know if I actually had mentioned this on the previous episodes, but I had a big breakthrough with my voice where I went to a range that I'd never gone to before. So my voice teacher, so we had to do this exercise, which seems so terrifying. People say that actors they're the people that are running into the burning building. So actors are putting themselves in the fire pretty much right every single time they're doing a character. So with boys, we have to learn to
put ourselves there right. And this exercise was we had to sing our name, so you had to sit in a seat facing the stage, compose yourself, walk down the stage, turn around to everyone, and sing your name in front of everyone, like sing it.
And I was terrified.
Every time I say that to someone, someone is like that sounds like my absolute nightmare.
And I'm having to.
Do this and it's fine because I did it, but I felt like this energy in my chest like obviously it's anxiety but also probably trauma. But it was all these emotions and I just was I was just pretty honest and vulnerable and said, look, I don't know what it is. I just feel like this heavy chest part.
And so she took me to the wall, which is like the black wall in the studio, and I had to yell at it to scream, but not scream from my throat, scream from my belly, like a real primal yell, you know, like a mother yelling for her baby if there was something.
Happened, you know.
And I had to do that until my voice got to a point where it went like it dipped.
And it was so weird. It was such a weird experience.
So fucking cooked.
I agree.
Acting training is cooked. Like if you had no context, walked past the studio, looked and saw what actors were doing, you would call the cops. You like, somebody helped these people. They're bad, somebody locked them up, Like I know, no context. Acting class is just womba.
We're literally doing improvisation at the moment and it's fucking It is so fun, but at the same time, it's so cooked. But this is a thing they say, right and you would know, is that they break you down to build you up. And you're right in so many ways with it looking a bit one bar, a bit crazy, But I have never felt better in my own ability in terms of what I bring to being an actor in some way.
Nice, Yeah, because it comes down to truth and tapping into honesty, and like I find that with acting there's always a part of myself that I need to go to to get to like the conviction that I feel is going to be believed. And I remember in acting school.
I got to my first week of acting school and we're walking through the halls of whoppap and it felt like, I don't know if you've seen the movie Fame, it felt like it was like you're walking, You're looking in each door and somebody is just, you know, going at it, whether it's playing a trumpet over here, doing ballet lessons over here, dancing over there, other people doing improvisation in this room. And one of the rooms we got to, all the students were completely naked.
Clo top of each other or standing or sitting.
Well, it wasn't quite an orgy. It was.
It was like, we are not doing that. Fun is not doing naked.
And they shouldn't. This was a prank that was pulled by a class of actors to intimidate the first years that are coming in. And it was a tradition that was done every year at whop Up. So the first years come and they're doing this tour of the school and they get to this one classroom and everyone's naked and it's like that's what in their head is what they have to do, and they just shit themselves.
That is such a cruel prank, but also it's.
Cruel and it's also like fucked up, and it's also psychologically like disturbing.
Yeah, and also how uncomfortable the people that also have to contribute. Like I get if you're comfortable, that's fine, but also imagine being a part of the class and being like, hey, this is what we're gonna do.
Like I'd be like get fucked.
Like it's normally the third years, so the people who are in their final year, who have seen every bit of each other's body years and never lived together and probably fucked each everyone throughout the classroom, you.
Know, like we have intimacic coordinative.
Now, the industry is changing and I'm glad for it, but that that was one of my first experiences that Whopper, and I was like acting is fucked also it's a mind game, you know, like in those initial years, it's like trying to break your fucking brain in some of these classes. But I don't know, how do you finding it in terms of when you walk out of the door, you able to leave it there or do you like go home and be like what did I do today? Am I see?
I'm like classic.
Overachiever slash, you know, like a bit of a nerd in some ways.
So I go home and there are some days.
When I'm absolutely ref depending on what we've ended on, where I'll just crash out. I think my first week, I actually fell asleep on the floor in my land room in the sun like a little lizard, like close to the glass, like I was just so cooked. And now I'm probably more in that and analytical stage where I know I've learned the foundations now and like I'm working and using the techniques that we've been taught to because we're at the moment doing scene study, which is
really exciting. So I'm playing a character called Georgie, and Georgie and I are very similar. She grew up in the Bronx, now she's in Boston. She's self made. There's this big power play thing with her and her boss and this guy who's her neighbor who is married, and obviously they love each other.
I'm in love with him, but he's engaged, etc. Like there's this old, big debacle.
This sound like it.
Sounds like my life.
If I've been honest home literally, I'm been there and done that. Next now it's called spark Hills.
Have you ever heard of it?
Oh?
I don't think so. Nu.
Yeah, I think you would actually love the play Like it's a real power feminist. There's so much to it that you could take it wherever if you wanted to. And Georgie's you know, from the Bronx now in Boston, and she wears his spike heels which look like sort of medieval looking contraption type things. And you know, I'm sexy, I'm I love sex.
I have many one night stands.
And this is Georgie playing by the way, So don't even cut this and make it out like I'm just.
Telling you who I am. The truth comes in.
Make sure you know what you got to do.
I haven't had a one night stand in ages. I've been on a drought. If I'm being honest, Yeah, not dating, not seeing anyone. Everyone get fucked and fuck away from me.
Happy day. This is good.
I'm glad to hear it.
Yeah, no, everyone fuck off for you. Are you listening to this? Earone needs to get the fuck away from me.
I love it. Yeah.
Anyways, you're okay? Yeah, I'm sure. My black cat.
Error, Oh my god, don't even start on the fuck black cat.
Okay, let's talk about black cat theory.
This is a new theory that has been trending. It has honestly been blowing up my fucking TikTok feed, but I keep going back.
To it and thinking about it.
So the theory is is the black cat and Golden retriever theory. It's a dating theory, so it's about relationships, and it's not just about romantic relationships. You can also use this in friendship relationships too. They say that black cats and golden retrievers work really well in terms of because of the dynamic. But they're sort of contrast energies, so I would say they're complementary to one another.
But they only work well supposedly according to this theory. And this TikTok person named Enna Christina, and she has a whole master class on it it only. She speaks very much specifically about heteronormative relationships dynamic, but she says that the dynamic only works if the woman is the black cat and the man is the Golden Retriever. I think that this dynamic can work outside of that constraint.
Like I think about gay relationships, and I feel like there's always I don't want to use the term like masculine and feminine energy. I want to use more like people who seek to be more the driver, you know, and the person who likes to be taken care of, And.
There's different There's so many different ways as you can describe someone in personalities, right, but there are so many different ways and balances in a relationships. It doesn't always have to be a masculine feminine sort of energy.
Yeah, well, let's describe the two different energies. Your black cat is someone who's unbothered, borderline selfish, prioritizes themselves above everyone else, and is a little bit like I don't give a fuck attitude and what you're like projecting onto me isn't going to affect me at all, like unbothered,
you know. And the golden retriever is the always trying to make it up, or the happy go lucky, always excited to see them, perhaps a little bit you know, over the top and a little bit naive, and somebody who's always trying to win them over. I suppose, and I have to say, I'm a fucking golden retriever in and out?
Why do you say this?
Because I just my argument is that I think I agree of this dynamic and this theory to a certain level, but I do believe that humans and people are way more complex than just this. But this is a theory obviously based in relationships and a dynamic that can work
and be really successful. So I do understand that not everyone's going to believe us about this, and we're not some experts on it, but and in Christine says that there are some really successful relationships that do work because of this theory.
Why do you say that you're a gold and what defines you as a golden retriever?
I feel like I'm someone who always wants things to be smoothed, so I always come to the table with a solution, or I'm someone who if I feel like there is an issue, I will be the person to say, hey, let's talk about it. Let's fix it. What's wrong with you? Can I help you? What can I do to change? Like I feel like I'm always coming to the table with solutions instead of being like, oh, well, fuck trying
to fix this. I'm going to let you sort your shit out and I'm going to act unbothered and walk away because I've tried it and I've tested it, and I'm the person who ends up getting upset because I feel like I'm too cold, I'm too negative, Like I feel like I'm hurting the other person's feelings and that to me, doesn't sit well with me. So I feel like the Golden Retriever resonates more with me because I'm a bit soft.
Yeah, I hope it happy go lucky kind of energy, like more optimistic energy, a bit more, but also.
Like a little bit in a relationship dynamic. For instance, I'll give you an example my current relationship. My partner, I would say, is quite black.
Cat energy, and I describe him as.
A So somebody who I feel like holds their cards close to their chest, doesn't give their power away, doesn't allow you into much so that you have enough detail to be able to, I don't know, like relieve them from their power. It's just like I don't want to say cold, because I don't think they're cold, but I feel like they are very like they can be very shut off with emotions and like have you arm's length
the weight and act like if nothing bothers them. And I actually have been like trying to take more of that on. I'm like, Okay, I'm going to like test the waters, right, yeah, test the waters and see how it works when I'm that way. And I did it and I didn't feel good.
You're like, this does not fit me. Okay, what am I am? I think I'm a black cat.
Yeah, I reckon, Yeah, I'm I'm.
Literally wearing black today. Ironically.
See, there's another theory that I've also listened to. Someone has to love the other person more so then I feel like the other person is kind of chasing in a sense. And I feel like this that theory is a little bit similar in this black Cat Golden Retriever, like where the Golden Retriever is like chasing this black cat and never can kind of like grab at it completely. And more recently, I mean, I think different dynamics when you meet different people. But I think I'm a black
cat energy by myself. But I think when I'm in a relationship, I give so much, so I don't think I am a black cat in a relationship.
I'm the golden retriever.
I'm the happy, go lucky like wanna make memories and do positive things, and I don't feel like I've completely got all of them at hand, which is very representative of the relationships I've previously been in it right.
Which also stands to sort of attest to this theory that the woman has to be the black cat if it's successful, because you haven't found success that much success in relationship and so maybe because you are the golden retriever, you need to switch that shit be the black cat and then maybe it'll work. Well.
No, I agree, because the thing is, I also have just this energy where I just I actually right now don't give a fuck about anyone in terms of my people that I love and work with, et cetera. But yeah, and I've had the most attention in the last couple of months, and I've ever had pretty much even more during the bachelorette, to be fair with you, and I've
not bitten. All the fishing are biding and I'm not fishing because I just cannot be bothered and I've got shit to do and I want someone to chase me.
I don't want someone.
And I actually genuinely met someone who was like chasing me, and then all of a.
Sudden, all the stuff chasing you, like, have they long like.
Where's my flowers? And where arem I Like, where's the romance?
Like where's the nice things?
Not that I am like high maintenance, but it's like and then this is the thing, this is a cop out that I had more recently, is that I literally communicated with someone I was like, I just don't really feel like you desire me enough in it any way, Like you're not really chasing So then I'm like, well.
I don't really, I don't.
I feel like I know what I'm bringing to the table, but like what do you bring into the table. And we had the conversation and the blame that I got because I am so busy and made and gaslighted and made me feel like as if, like my life is too busy to have a relationship. Yeah, probably it is, but for the right person it wouldn't be that, you know what I mean.
So it's like I have been.
A black Cat in so many other areas. But I think I I switch out of black Cat because I have to in order to let someone in in the first instance, and then they I get I let them in, and then they're like, nah, I don't want you.
Nah.
Yeah, you know what I mean, Like it changes.
Yeah, I feel like I just won't give a fuck.
Maybe that's my thing, does not care anytime.
I think it's hard to do when you're somebody who naturally cares.
Say you're sensitive, like you're not sensitive in a suky.
I'm sensitive, but I am, and you know what, I'm happy to be sensitive. That means I feel the feels and like exactly at the end of the day, I care a lot, and in my relationships in particular, I do want the person to feel safe. I want them to feel secure. I want them to feel like respected.
And I think with the whole Golden Retriever black Cat energy, sometimes I feel like if that dynamic, which I don't think is the dynamic I will want in a relationship, and I don't know how much like I agree with Christina that this needs to be the dynamic for a relationship to work, because for me, I like equal playing field I don't need to be someone to be chasing me or me to be chasing them. I actually just
need respect. And like what respect looks like to me is that if you respect someone, you're going to make choices based on that respect. And if you don't respect someone, then you're going to make choices that are going to hurt that person or you know, you're going to be you're not going to be loyal, or you're not going to be kind to them. But when I have respect in a relationship, I feel like other things that come with it.
That should be the basis of a relationship, right, there are so many other things that come into play when it's a serious and successful relationship.
Like you said, mutual respect.
I think Chantelle Otten says that this theory isn't new, and it could be it could be damaging in some ways if you constantly focus on it. And I guess why I kept coming back to it. I was like, is this an actual legitimate thing or have I got it completely wrong? Because I, like I said, Yah, humans and relationships and people are so much more complex than that.
Yeah, what does the perfect relationship in terms of dynamic? If you were to, you know, draw that this in your dream, in your vision board, what does it look like? Like?
Know, I'm really finding it really difficult.
I don't know what it is because different dynamics haven't and have worked. But the thing is, I've also been in different times in my life. I keep referring back to a relationship I had in twenty nineteen where the dynamic was actually just like so perfect, but values were compromised and non negotiables, you know what I mean. So everything else could be really perfect in terms of dynamic, h but if the values and there's some non negotiables, then yeah, you have.
To just accept that. So that's what I mean.
It's so complex and that and I think for my dynamic, I don't know, because I don't even want a relationship with my.
One thing that I'm learning in my relationship right now is that ego plays a role in dynamic. You know.
I hate that word.
Yeah, so do I. And I feel like when ego comes into play, it's almost like you have to stop drop and roll and be like absolutely abort the fucking mission because it's the.
End of drop and roll and get the fuck out of my door. That's what it was.
Well, I'm not that easy to like let them go.
I'm like, Okay, what I'm talking about is if you get into a dispute with a partner at home and you start it turns into an ego fight that at some point you have to then combat that with love, whether it is like going in and giving them a cud or not saying anything and just being there even though you fucking hate you know, what they just said or what you've just said, and you hate giving in or you hate surrendering to to an issue that you don't even think you're a part, like that was your issue.
I still think that, like what I'm learning is that like loving someone in those really yucky moments is more helpful than going fuck you, I'm going to go and you know, do something that's going to affect our relationship or I'm going to ignore you or I'm gonna leave you. There's this something like that I'm having this learning at the moment about and it comes down to respect, like
just still respect that person. If you still respect that person even though you're having a fight, you can love them in that moment anyway.
Yeah, No, I completely agree with you.
I think in the times where I think ego has had the biggest impact, has led to a breakup. If I've been honest in my situations, I David and I pure ego Nick and I ego Yeah, many of times, and.
That's what leads to really bad decisions in life, not just relationships ego people not want to put their pride aside. But like, at the end of the day, if you really like someone, the dynamic I think is fluid. It has to shift. It can't be always someone as one way or there's one approach, for instance, the black cat
fucking Golden Retriever theory. For me, that wouldn't work because even though I'm the Golden Retriever and I'm chasing, there are still parts of me that needs to be chased or needs to feel like I've got that.
Q yeah yeah, yeah of course.
So like for me, it wouldn't work. And I think that like this is more of like Anna Christina wanting women to feel empowered in their relationships, and honestly, I know what that feels like. It feels like for a woman to have to feel like they need to hear be back.
That's why I think it is like such a trending thing at the moment because I think from what we're looking at TikTok and.
I guess the trend.
Of videos are a lot of dating videos and women talking about their experiences.
There was a woman that went viral recently because she.
Got stood up off a hinge date, and yeah, the comments section about how relatable this was was insane, like in terms of the dating pool out there. And I guess Australian men like not to fucking call you out again because you're absolutely pathetic. And I honestly I like separate queer men from that because or queer people from that, because it's the Australian men that are problems at the moment.
Sorry, but not know what I feel like as a queen man if I'm not a part of the solution or a part of the problem. So if you're a queen person and you're not speaking up against against women, well then you're just as bad as the perpetrator.
One. I agree with you that one.
But this is the thing, Like the videos that are trending on TikTok are usually women expressing their concerns and difficulty with dating and how shit it is at the moment, and if they can feel empowered in that and they're watching and Christina's videos and being like, yes, that's how I need to be, and that's going to boost their boost their confidence or you know, they're trying something different, maybe they're feeling insecure, and then they become.
Like whatever it is and if that helps them, then they're sure. I'm all for that.
But at the same time, like, don't heavily rely on a theory that is so.
Complex.
In a way, it's complex, but it also it reminds me of game playing, and that's something I hate doing a relationship is game playing. So when I realized that there's a game a tennis come like with metaphor within the relationship, and there's this little game, whether it's social media tactics, whether it's you know, passive aggressiveness, that they will give you a nudge here and play this little
game of manipulating your emotions. I hate that shit. And so sometimes this reminds me of putting the pressure on a woman to have to play a game to then feel in control of a man's emotions. And to me, that's a lot of pressure, whether you're a woman or a.
Man, Like, don't waste your time, Honestly, they don't notice.
But but a video when she describes you know, there's two scenarios. She's like, don't be the girl who arrives at the party early, who stays and cleans up and helps you know him, put the food out, do the dishes, and then leave at the end of the party. Be the girl who doesn't arrive at the party or arrives really late and leaves early and goes home. That's me And like, to me, if I was a woman listening to that, I'll be thinking, kind of, just be my
fucking self. But can't I just live within my truth and whatever that means? But like, is it really that hard? Like there's this dynamic that needs to come into play. It's like a rule book. Isn't that so much pressure?
Exactly? But this is a thing.
I know it seems like games, but this is a thing in dating at the moment.
And from what I've realized and.
From what I've learned, is that there is such a matter of games in this. It's like it is such a dog eat dog world out there in terms of no, seriously, it's actually so fucked It sounds.
Like it's a black cat eat dog world.
Yes, And I'll fucking eat your live because I'm not about the games. I'm also about being in genuine self. And if I was fucking late, I chose to be late. Fuck it, Like who cares. Don't overthink it, stop overanalyzing, and stop being a fucking pussy or a bull sack, because a strong ball sacks are fucking little sensitive fuckers that if they get touched they hurt.
Oh my god, well you know, allright, no offense, Maddie.
I know you've got pair of balls, but I love you, and I think you've got big balls involved.
I am, and but you know what, I am sensitive, and I feel like if I was in a relationship and my girlfriend was constantly arriving late or disrespecting my time, I'd be like, see ya bye, gotta go catch her later. Like I'm not the type that's going to sit around and be like, oh, you know what, you do what you want to do, and I'll do what I want to do. And you disrespecting my time isn't going.
To be like communicate, though, this is the thing I would analyze.
To communicate, I definitely would be like, Okay, well that's okay, no worries, you can keep on doing that. Like absolutely fun. And now I'd be like, girl, you need to pick up your game otherwise I'm out. Well, that's all we have to dine for today. Thanks for listening to First things first, if you love us, leave us a little rating or a little review.
And if you want us to cover anything on the pod or anything interesting that you see and look like us to talk about, reach out via our socials. My handles that brooked up Letten and Maddie's handle is that it's Manny Meals and we'll see you next week.
Bye.