Are Our Listeners The A**holes? (AITA Dilemmas Edition)

Welcome to first things First, I'm Maddie Mills. My pronouns are he and him.

I'm Brook Blatton and my pronouns are she and her.

And before we get started, we'd like to acknowledge the custodians of the land on which we record, and today that's the Gatigal people of the urination.

And for me, it's a rendering people of the coolin nations.

Let's get into it, okay.

So I started this thing recently because I thought it takes me about five minutes right to get my car out of my garage.

I know, I've done it.

The car lift yright, and it's so funny because people think it's so unhinged. So I was like, well, this is the perfect time to tell people about my unhinged stories doing in my car lift.

Yeah, it does take about five minutes, it does.

Yeah, So I started that today.

I'm gonna, you know, gather up some stories because fuck do I have some stories, and I'm just gonna occasionally post one of them to my Carliff thoughts. I love this and it had me thinking like how fucking funny is when people will actually relate to your stories or they have had the same thing happened to you. M It's just it blows my mind that people out here doing these on him.

Shit, what made you? I mean, you've obviously like had a bit of experience with dating. Do they mostly come from dating dating?

I guess, like I also, you know, maybe when I was younger, I had unhinged things. Like once I was walking home from my job, I was working at Target. Yeah, and I just bought my lay by you know how you'd lay by things and you'd spend every week.

You know, paying it off.

Yeah, and I was so excited about all these like I had this like fur jacket, this coat, like this skirt, like all these clothes, right, because I really.

Love clothes, luxury, I know.

But you know this is why I was very interested in fashion, Like I love Clothes' been to my house, you know, fucking every wardrobe is full, even the spare room and the office.

But yeah, and I got mobbed by three girls. So they followed me.

He told me this story.

They ripped my hair.

We called me back in La. Yes, I just had a flashback to walking down the street in La. You telling me this story.

Memories, yeah, memories.

Well then yeah, they ripped me Basically, I got on the bus because it was the last the last bus, which is like nine thirty on a Thursday night.

God who was learning a fifteen year old?

Anyways, another story, catch the bus and I had these girls jump on the bus and they were real like now real rats, look hood rats, you know, like real hood rat. And I'm like, you know, no no hate, but you can tell. And they'll yelling out to peace and like being really rude and swearing and smoking.

And I was a little bit scared.

Actually, if I'm being honest, I remember that little scared person I was.

And I was like, just.

Put your head down, put your headphones in. You know that's when you had like cord headphones and an MP three yep.

And I was like, fuck, this is this? What are they gonna do?

Anyways, I didn't realize, so I got off the bus and they ended up getting off at the same stop as me, okay, and I fucking freaked out. I was like, oh my god, I'm like something's gonna happen here. And I just started swiftly walking away. Then all of a sudden, Yeah, I got my hair ripped. I dropped my bag, my shoulder bag as well. Everything sort of fell on the floor.

Actually luckily I had my.

Phone, so you got beaten them robbed.

Pretty much my first time ever being monked when I was fifteen. But that's fucking.

Unhinged, right, like unhinged aggressive.

I literally got home, I walked through the door, my step mumas and I was just like, oh god.

Mob and spent weeks and weeks saving up for that lay. By the day you get it out, you get mobbed. What the fuck? What did the universe having store for you that day?

What are the chances?

It's disgusting.

So yeah, anyways, so I've got a few unhinged stories at my up my sleeve, but I also have a few that people have been willing to share with us.

Oh I love this spill the tea. What have some things? What's what things have happened in people's lives that are juicy?

Well, this one's a dating one, which I think is fucking funny.

Okay.

Well, it's just like classic, you know, fucking relevant and so relatable. Okay, Okay, so this, she says, this a girl is coming from a girl and it's her. Basically, she says, my boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. That's long times y, and we've been living together for the past eight months.

Okay.

He used to clean up after himself around the house, but about four months ago he just stopped.

Oh is he paying rent?

Yeah? What happened?

Okay, So the mess that he's as follows is wet food in the sink from not cleaning his plate, dirty dishes, piled up.

Nah, fucking kick him out.

I'm done, Okay, get nope, to the end of it. We need to give this follow a fair shot.

Garbage everywhere or never taken out. That's my pet.

Hope doesn't wash his own clothes, gets take out with me whenever he works from home, and just leaves the rubbish.

In his office slob.

So I stop doing things for him as I was feeling a little bit like there was an imbalance with chores and now he's refusing to do anything. I told him to clean up this weekend or I'm breaking up with him and moving out.

Oh okay, so she's given him the ultimatum.

Yeah, I did not see that. I thought she was going to sound like she'd give him. There's too many things. There's too many wet food and the sink nah dorty dishes, nap garbage everywhere.

Nuh okay, Well, let me tell you something. For the first eight months. Oh what did she say? So he has been we've been living together for the past eight months. He used to clean up after himself, but about four months ago he stopped, so he was he sort of showed aside to him for the first four months. That was probably a little bit of a facade. That's not really who he is. That's not really his values or his morals or the way that he handles his life.

Blood boiling.

I can feel my blood boiling, because you know what, there's this whole mentality thing and women need to stop doing it.

But all my sisters need to stop doing this. Yeah, it's the thing of Oh I'll just do it. Then I hate that, stop doing it, don't do it?

Yeah, And then yeah, it's obviously very appropriate to anyone who is maybe the more I guess motivated or initiative, use their initiative the most.

But it fucking infuriates me because.

Pretty much our mums have taught that from a young age too, pretty much with young boys, but I guess just in families in homes as well, it's like pick up after yourself and if they don't, fuck it, I'll just do it myself.

I think, stop doing it. Yeah, I think that this scenario you have to look at what you want to accept in life. Like, for instance, this fuller obviously is a dirty person and he doesn't like to clean up after himself. He doesn't really care about the cleanliness of the house. He's lazy. Their character traits. So it's like you need to look at him for what he's showing you, not his words, but his actions. Is this the type of person that you want to have a kid with.

Well exactly, bye, Sia.

But then if she if he doesn't do it, like she should be saying like, okay, well that's it. But then he should be saying, oh, well, I want to be with her. I'm going to change.

Like absolutely, you have to give someone the chance to show you that they can, that they that they respect you enough to want to do that.

I'm going to give him.

But what I will say is that if this person does this in their day to day life. It is probably a behavior that's been learned over a long period of time, and it's going to take a little while for him to change. It's not something that's going to happen overnight. So I feel like he probably if he loves her and he wants to show her respect and he doesn't even respect himself, I don't know how it can show her respect.

But it sounds like he can't even wash brother.

Like sounds like it sounds like a lazy person who needs a hobby and needs some stimulation in life. It sounds like he's almost depressed.

Okay on that.

Because I live by myself, and I have lived by myself for a while. When I'm busy and i'm a little bit maybe overwhelmed, I might do these things. Not to that extent, like absolutely, not to that extent, but I might, Like last night, I had soup for dinner and my.

Dishwasher needed it was washed, and I just needed to unstack it.

And I was like, fuck it, I'm just gonna leave my play in the sink and I'll unstack the dish in the morning and then I'll restock it. But things like that, right, But I live by myself, so I have nothing to prove, but in saying that, if someone else and I had to be courteous to someone else in the house, I would unstuck that dishwasher and I would put that dish back in the dishwasher. But I have no one to account for, like I have no one to respect because it's my space.

I'm respecting myself.

But also, if you look at your behavior over a long period of time, I'm sure that you're consistent in being clean and tidy, you know, having a little slip up here, having a lazy day here, not putting the dishes away one day, who cares. But if it constantly happens, like in this scenario where he's absolutely doing nothing and leaving everything when it comes to the domestic chores for his woman, Like that is lazy, That is like disrespectful.

That's my love language. If some someone literally it's mine too. Yeah, when Dad was staying here the week, and I'd wake up and you know, Dad's already been up for maybe two hours doing his beautiful prayers, little angel that he is bless, you know, he's gone for a walk, taken cober bring brings back a coffee for me. Am, I

Love language exactly.

I go to the gym on a Saturday morning. I come home every Saturday morning. While I'm at the gym, Danny, my partner, is cleaning. And it's like, because I normally do a clean on a Wednesday while he's at work, so I do them be week clean, like a thorough clean, and he would do a weekend clean. So I get up, I go to the gym. I come back on a Sunday, a Saturday morning. The house is sparkly. I walk in and it's just a different energy. It's like, oh, this is so nice. It's like it's a it's a way

I was gonna give him the benefit of doubt, like you know, like you can notice when someone's mental health is definitely decreasing by the level.

But it's also like reach.

You know, you've got your partner there, you've got support there, that something is going on, communicate or like try to at least.

Yeah, I was to give him the benefit of doubt. But you know what, girl, you deserve better.

Yeah yeah, yeah, I feel like.

Don't be the asshole. But he's a asshole.

I think she needs to have a hard, hard yarm with him. If he improves and he shows that, yeah, okay, I can see that. Okay, give him the benefit, you know, give them benefit of the doubt to show you that he's going to change over time. But if he's like, oh no, I work all week, you should be cleaning, get rid.

Of him see ya see yah bye.

Okay, so we have another scenario. Am I the asshole for not wanting to babysit my nephew? Ooh I like this? Okay? So this person works in childcare, specifically before the kids go into their primary schools, and because of my career choice, my sister tends to look down on me and think that I'm just a glorified babysitter. Oh that means me.

Yeah.

She also happens to expect me to babysit my five year old nephew whenever she needs. I only work three days a week and study to finish my apprenticeship the other two. So technically, yes, I am at home those days, and I do have space for my house to look after him. But I really don't want to be around kids on my days off. Understandable. My sister has since stopped talking to me.

Oh what hush.

My sister in law is a manager at a childcare center okay, and I have never seen someone work so.

Hard as much as it.

Yeah, so she is not.

A glorified babysitter. I hate that people undermine.

Childcare, so do I.

And the thing is, it's the most required thing in order for people parents.

To work, absolutely, like what the fuck? And also, those kids spend a lot of time with you know, the childcare workers, and it's the way that they're shaped, you know, those.

Are the most valuable years.

Yeah, childcare workers put in a lot of work and do a lot of training to provide that care.

I just don't Yeah, I don't agree with this girl.

I don't agree with her either, but still the sister, the sister, Yeah, I don't agree with her because I also feel like if somebody doesn't want to babysit your child or doesn't have the time or exactly, you need to boundaries not judge them. Yeah, but that's your kid, you figure it out.

Yes, Yes, if you're desperate desperate.

Sure, But if you're like just playing that desperate card all the time, absolutely not. And if you're playing the sister card like, oh well it's your nephew too, Like no, I would I would. I would, you know, babysit my nephew anytime. But if I did have things on which I would say work or things like whatever, then I

I mean, what do you what does she do? What does she do?

What do you do? I think I think the sister needs to, you know, look at the like she's making really extreme decisions based on her sister not wanting to you know, babysit, like to stop talking to her.

Yeah, that's it's emotional manipulation.

Emotional manipulas, right, yes, yes, yeah, you're right.

I'm not a fucking therapist, but fuck I have.

I had a step mom that fucking emotionally abused me by doing the silent treatment for many years. And it's not it's not okay because now it interrupts your relationships.

And how you deal with conflict. It pretty much you gain shitty.

Self esteem from it because you're stuck with your own fucking thoughts because you think, oh, that person hates me because she doesn't want to talk to me. So yeah, that's that's really unfair. And I don't think it's really fair for your sister to do that.

That's my own opinion. That's my own opinion.

And I don't think you're an asshole for not wanting to babysit your nephew on your days off.

No, yeah, take.

Your time away, you know, that's that's your space.

Where's the dad too, where's the mum or dad whatever a parent? Where's the other parent? I get single moms like one hundred percent. Like I grew up with a single mom. I know how hard it is, and you're helping to your best, but it's like, if there's a father in here or someone another parent, where are they?

I think also the fact that she expects her to babysit her five year old nephew whenever she needs, Like, yeah, that's not cool. Like these things need to be spoken about, they need to be scheduled in. Obviously there are moments where there's an emergency. Yeah, help your sister out, But you don't have to put your life on hold for your sister. You don't have to, you know, rearrange your life just so that you can please your sister. Your sister has to deal with this and figure it out herself.

Yeah, I agree, that's what she has.

Other friends agreed.

Schedule I reckon if you want to say, your sister, she's a single mom and she needs help, and she just wants.

Her own time. I'm sure you would. The person who's written in would say, yeah, okay, that's pretty reasonable.

I'm happy to because it's been communicated, been discussed, and it's been scheduled in for sure.

Yeah. I was at my cousin's thirtieth birthday.

Oh I'm Nelly thirty recently, where I met someone who I felt immod attracted to. I love that feeling, that's like, yeah, yeah.

Anyways, turns out the feeling was mutual.

Fuck, that's a sleigh because we spent the entire party laughing, chatting, and just enjoying each other's company. Yep, say, I have not felt this way about someone, or have felt such an immediate spark with someone so quickly before.

Right.

The only hitch is that this person is my cousin's cousin on the other side of the family, so we're not technically related by blood only marriage. Okay, They've asked me out to dinner to really fancy, nice restaurant and said they want.

To spoil me and get to know me well dinner.

But I don't know if this is wrong or not. Is it okay to date my cousin cousin? M I know, because what if they get married, because they know the cousins are going to be at your wedding, but as cousins, not as a cousin's cousins.

You know.

Like see, this is the biggest dilemma in the mobs because you will wave double check your family tree and make sure that you're not dating your cousin cousin.

Yeah. Look, I don't see an issue with it. I really don't. I think it's a little bit hard to at first grapple with because there's such a close connection in terms of, you know, through marriage. But I don't see anything wrong with it. If it's your cousin's cousin, I think it's it's okay, Like you're not if you have kids, they're not going to come out with three arms, Like it's not that vibe.

But I think it's it's not even that as well, like the gene defects. It's the principle for me, like, oh, how did you guys meet? Oh, cousin's wedding? The fuck both of your cousins?

What?

What a good story? No great story.

I'm gonna say, there's plenty of fish in the sea girl.

But she hasn't they haven't felt this spark ever in their life, Like, sorry it's loud, they.

Haven't help, but sorry I had in my life.

But okay, no, they haven't felt this spark ever, and this doesn't happen much like if there's a fire cracker moment in your life, enjoy it, go to the nice restaurant. Maybe fuck, but you don't need to get married, Like, enjoy the moment for what it is.

Okay, all right, yeah, I agree with you, but I just wouldn't myself.

She doesn't need to plenty, doesn't need to put a ring on it.

No, but could just be a quick fuck and then you can say that never have I ever fucked my cousin?

How nice would that be? Go to it. It's not a cousin, it's a cousin's cousin.

Now, how many layers in a temassou.

Today?

I just, I seriously think that it's not an issue. You enjoy the fantasy, go and have your cavia and then your cousin.

I agree, You.

Know what that's disgusting?

Do you do? You know?

You do your cousin's cousin. Look, it's a conundrum.

And wait, it's I don't even think it's cis. I think it's it's non gender, so it could be a guy as well. Okay, the lesbian environment is very instuous as well, so I probably stuck with my cousin's cousins cousins as well.

Have you do you think you have?

Probably?

I think one of my first boyfriends in year eight was my cousin, but we only held hands.

This is so funny because the girl my first girlfriend seven, her name was Nikita, and she was my cousin.

Yeah, so we have dated that cousin and I had.

To step up. I had to step up on the guard to kiss her because she was really tall.

No, I'm recy used to live the street behind my house and so.

I'm a kissing cousin. Oh lord, oh god, I kiss.

My You know there's cults out there for that.

In Tasmania.

Anyway, moving on, we're so problematic.

Okay, why do we do like a little game? Why don't we do like a quick fire dilemma game?

Okay, go on? Then, okay, what are the.

First one I think about or comes to mind? Is kids at weddings? Now that's quick.

I love kids, you know what. I love kids?

But no, not enough obviously, not at weddings.

No, no, no, no, unless the child of the people that are getting married. Yeah, all right now, so we so no babies. I don't want babies. I don't want little I don't know. Open ceremony, like if it was an open ceremony to you got biggest one family, like a Greek family.

Open casket.

It's a wedding, not a funerally.

Open casket. And I was like, oh, what about kids at funerals?

Yeah, well that's hard because I was a kid having to go to a funeral my mom.

So that's yeah.

But you would want to be a part of it as a kid, right, Like you wouldn't want to miss that moment in terms of your life memories.

Well, yeah, exactly.

What do you have?

None?

Disabled people using disabled toilets. I've gone in the toilet before.

I feel really bad about this one. It is my preferred choice, so much cleaner, it's so much clean up, and I feel like I'm in my private little sanctuary doing a poo in the shopping center.

Yes, and I just want to go, go and I'll be out there as soon as you were. You won't even notice me.

Oh it scares me, says this door will unlock in fifteen minutes. What if it takes longer to do a ship than fifteen minutes.

Well, then you're just gonna have to open do a snap off, wipe your bum, and then close the door again.

Cut that turtle head off and go you're all fucked.

I'm done.

What's the next one?

It's flirting with someone? No talking? So talking to your ex when you're okay, this is good.

It is relevant to me, so I love it.

Okay, talking to your ex when you're in a new relationship.

Okay, what what do you think about this? I want to know? Or your partner talking to their X while you're in a relationship. I I don't know.

This is like so hard because like I had no I had therapy this morning, and I'm like kind of exploring something else with someone new, the same.

Person, just to saying anything.

If you didn't listen to the last episode, Maddy roasted me. But what's next? Anyways?

And I realized that I'm actually still so emotionally attached

Haven't actually been able to be intimate with my new.

Relationship for the last three because I've been really struggling to explore intimacy. And I was like, this is so unheard of for me, like so unusual, like you know, but it's because I'm still so emotionally attached to my ex, which is shitty, and you know, it's like it hurts, but it's like I have to grieve that relationship first and then be able to move on.

So totally.

Yeah, So yeah, I don't think it's a good thing.

Yeah, I think, Well, look, I'm in a tricky position. I am with a boyfriend who does talk to their ex, but it's become less and less and less as we've become tighter in our relationship.

Can I ask why does he talk to him?

I think that you know, his relationship with his ex. I don't want to talk bad about it. But like I think it was quite tumultuous. I think that it was a tough relationship. But I think that his ex really helped him change his life. You know, he was able to create this new world in Australia for his life and be able to live a brand new life because he, you know, was a partner with a partner who was able to give him a visa. Yeah, and I think they had something special. But obviously it didn't

But you were just fine with that or did you just understand the situation?

And I understood the situation. I also wasn't totally invested in thinking that I would be with Danny.

Why I in the same bed though, Well, I think it.

Was the living circumstances, you know, But I think, you know, whatever that was is done. But I know that they still are in contact. And look, I've become more mature about it. I've been like, if anything was to happen, you know what, I truly believe that, Like, if you can have him, have him. But I got that's my mindset. Like I truly believe that I've got to a point in my life and my existence that I'm really content with who I am. And I know that I am an amazing partner.

Yeah.

So if you know, if my partner talks to their ex boyfriend, and I'm not saying I'm ever going to be happy with them being best friends, no, but if they're going to communicate, I don't even want to stress about it because like, if anything goes on, or if anything bad happens, or if they cross any boundaries, I'd be more happy just to step aside to try and fight for something that is going to hurt me. So I feel really content about my position in that scenario.

That's good.

That's a really good way of looking at things. And I guess just like to show maturity. And I guess every relationship is so different, Like, you know, there's not one way of having a relationship with someone. And you know, when you're together, you have you've loved one another previously in another life.

You can still love that person, but you're just not in love with them, so you still care about those relationships.

I don't talk to Paul on a regular basis. I don't communicate with him. I think that that's been good for both of us. We had such a strong connection, strong love that I feel like, you know what, leave that in the past, and I've done that because I've been able to focus on moving on. Is that not that I don't want to talk to him. I just feel like it's not it's not meant.

But then also, this is a thing.

Look at both of your previous relationships and then look at the relationship that you have with Danny, Like obviously those experiences have made you, guys learn love better, love stronger, and love it, you.

Know, And we're not the same versions of ourselves in this new relationship. We're actually showing up as completely different versions of ourselves. And we realize that and we recognize it and we love the fact that we are not the same people who we were in our past, and I think that's super important for our success. Yeah, I love that.

That's good. All right.

One more, refusing to attend a family event because of a homophobic or racist family member. I think that's valid, so valid, But yeah.

So can be so resolved. Well, no, you can just call it out and you say that.

Yeah, you can going to continue to be racist and homophobic or you're gonna, you know, cause an uncomfortableness for every single person in our family because of you can't figure your shit out.

I have sort of a like a two step or three step process when it comes to situations like this.

Yeah, first about it.

His first step is private. Do it privately. Hey, I know this is the way that you're you're treating me, or this is the remarks that you've said, I don't appreciate it, wants you to stop m h. If they don't or if they say no, that's just how I feel, that's how I think, and they do it again. Yeah, you can do it publicly in front of other people. You've given them an opportunity and then embarrass them. And then if they don't do that if they don't, if they continue to do it, then just cut them off.

I would ship my pants and I was like, serious, Maddie.

But I serious, I've got someone to sign.

Smart And that was right.

But they know that was my first step, and I thought, Okay, if they do it again, I'm going to do it publicly in the dressing room with everyone else and say I'm going to call them out, and then if they continue to do it, I'll just cut them off silent treatment. Get the fuck out of my life. I don't want anything to do with you. So you get three chances.

That's really big of you. So my brother dropped a word that was quite offensive, not too not racist or yeah, yes that one and the S one S.

One and I these people want to talk, I know, and I call.

Them out and I do it publicly.

I said, I just literally say, do not fucking say that word. It is very and highly offensive.

I don't care. Like imagine.

This is when he was baby was pregnant as well, and I said, what if your kid comes out neuro divergent. You're literally being offensive and saying all these things about these people who have no choice in the matter, and then your kid comes out in your OVID and you're pretty much gonna Is that gonna be?

K Oh? My god? Has he said it again?

Good? That gives me strength to say to my brothers when they say, I feel quite intimidated around that scenario, and I shouldn't be. I should because I was with my brothers a couple of weeks ago.

Ahd am I are you a c DFD are you x y Z? Are what do you be?

Yeah? I'm from the LGBTQ am I ADHD.

Clearly I am today because fucking hell.

No, I agree.

No, I'm getting assessed. I'm getting assessed. And I also got told that I might be autistic because I have a very creative brain.

So yeah, right, you know what?

What on that was my family's reaction when I told him. I'm like, yeah, they say that true, Yes, no, we see that. Excuse me, why didn't tell me?

No, I don't know, but I'm not. I'm not someone who can diagnose you, obviously, but I think that I have a version of ADHD that is, like my brain doesn't stop, so as soon as I finish one task, it's like what do I have to do next? And I don't know if that is just my personality, but I constantly.

Well, it could be the opposite as well, Like ADHD could be the opposite where you can't finish tasks, you start a million things. Yeah, yeah, it ADHD is obviously they don't even say on the spectrum anymore, but you are. But the thing is that could be high functioning to you know, having it can have like impacts in your life to do things in tasks, like daily tasks.

But I hate people who all of a sudden come out and be like I've got ADHD, like that's why I did everything.

Yes, yeah, no, I agree, but the thing is from some responsibility.

I know.

But I heard this girl talk, right, and she said, instead of like I don't know what it's called, you know where we're you know, people you know are jumping on this bandwagon or whatever, it's like, well, maybe no, maybe we're just realizing that, like a lot of people are realizing that we've all had this, or like some of most people have had this, We've just become aware of it now, like you know what I mean. So it's not like a matter of jumping on a band

And he says that is a very close trait to.

Being near diversion, And OK, yeah, it's kind of interesting, but I wouldn't be surprised Yeahessed.

Know that was fun.

We should talk more quick find dilemmas. If you have your dilemma, you should email or send us a voice note or send me a little DM Maddie DM.

Yeah, send us a voice note. We want to hear how you really feel about it?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, that's that's a good idea. We'll put it in a question box on both of our stories.

Maybe, hey, yes, love it?

Yeah?

Okay, Well that's actually all we have time for today. Thank you so much for listening to first things first, And if.

You love what you're hear, leave us a rating or a little review. And if you want us to cover anything on the pod, reach out via our socials.

Yes, send us those voice notes because I'll be so handy for these little quick fire dilemmas that we have and let us help you and solve them.

You know, we don't know how much help, but what we'll do, we'll put.

Our therapy voices on, like what brings are you here today? Anyways?

My handle is that Brooked Uplin, so go follow me and Maddie's handles that it's Maddie Mills and we'll see you and speak to you next time.

Bye on the next episode.