Welcome to first things First, I'm blurt. My pronouns are sheet and heart.
I'm Maddie meals. My pronouns are he and him. And before we get started, we'd like to acknowledge the custodians of the land on which we record. And for me that's the gatigl people of the.
Urination, and for me it's the roundry people of the cooler nation.
Let's get into it.
I'm done with feelings. Can I not have them? Can I not? Please? I just don't want them anymore.
Let's talk about it. Okay, what are you currently feeling?
This year has possibly been the hardest year of my life. I'm like, not even exaggerating, catastrophizing or being over dramatic, Okay, this year has actually been the hardest year of my life emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Like it's been so hard, Like I have dug so far into muddy waters into my soul, and I feel like I don't know if it's clearing. I don't I feel like a clearness. I feel heavy, and I feel yucky, and I feel muddy,
and I'm like, what is this feeling? And I've felt it like this whole year because obviously I've been in it, and I'm just like, when is it going to go away?
Okay?
Hard? I know, And I had a reality check because it's like.
When you say that, I think to myself, You've been through a lot, right, and if this is the year that is the hardest, you must be fucking going through it mentally.
Yeah, Like every day is a struggle. And if I don't have routine and structure, I honestly wouldn't get out of it. If I didn't have things that I needed to get to, Like, if I didn't have commitments like school and the podcast and work, I would honestly be in bed.
Yeah, that's tough. That's an indicator that you know, things are getting heavy for you, you know.
Yeah, I feel it.
How's therapy going? Is it helping?
Honestly? Like, today was probably one of the hardest moments in therapy that I've had since doing it. I mean, you know, the early stages when you start talking to someone, you do surface those emotions, you know, quite I don't know how you felt with yours, but you know, I feel like once you open the can of worms, it's hard to close it.
Oh, you know what I'm scared of opening the can of worms.
Well, fucking don't do it doesn't happen.
It doesn't happen for me often because I was in therapy for months and months and I didn't cry, So I feel like I had that. Well, I don't know. I think you know, the grass is always greener. It's like for me, I wish that I could open up in a way that is a release, and it's really hard for me to do that. I think I'm quite bottled up still even after all the work. So for you to be able to let it out, there must be some sort of release that you feel or not.
Really there's yeah, there's releases, but they're so fatiguing as well. Like today, I feel like fucking cooked.
I thought you just said fuockdor.
I feel cooked. No, Honestly, I don't know how people do it. I don't. I'm putting in the work. I know it's an investment into myself, and I know that I start my week off. You know, I'm like, I'm the one running into the fire, as they say that as an actor, but I feel like I'm also just doing that as brook, like constantly just running into the fire and being like and dealing with the consequences, but the consequences are really like tormentedive right now, Like they're
really tormenting me. This year has been so weird. Like obviously, I feel feel so liberated in the things that I've been able to achieve, like perform and go on stage and break down this anxiety and this and you know, shed some shame. But at the same time, yeah, you're sort of living in this like mucky yucky uncovering, challenging, unlearning kind of phase and it just feels so fucking exhausting.
And I feel like, you know, normally I'm a really soft person, you know this, Like I'm, like you said, I'm so soft, like a little marshmallow, like you know, and I don't want to ever lose that. But there is some part of me that's like, fuck, I just don't. I just want to hard put the walls up. I don't want to deal with some stuff right now. And I'm like, nah, I can't, like.
You know, and testament to you every time I do that, Yeah, every time I like want to do that, like put the walls up, I again be like, no, this is what you're meant to you know, You're meant to be not doing that, you know, like I challenge it and then I lay myself bare and I'm you know, raw, I mean my raw.
I feel like I'm in my raw rest form. That's probably what it is. I'm in my row rest mom. I'm like shed everything that I'm practically a naked bole rat.
Well I think pretty one at that. But what I will say, Look, if you think about the year that you've had and you say it's been a really tough year, I think it's been a different year for you. You've gone into an institution, You've gone into a really strict schedule with like learning, you know, and through that learning as acting,
you're uncovering parts of yourself. So it's like as much as this is like a growth period for you and it's like tough, I think that acting can be grueling in a sense that you have to sometimes face in emotional parts of yourself because that's what you need to bring to the work. So it's like you're doing that so often and in the.
Paper every day, like literally every day.
Yeah, and you had such a strict routine with something like an education journey or like an institution, it's been a while, Yeah, not until.
Like since UNI or you know, working on nine to five when I was playing footy, like back to back, Like, yeah, I thrive in in routine. Yeah, but it has Yeah, you're right, it has been a while since I've been that, you know, hard strict Monday to Friday.
Like freelancing and having this sort of freedom of being able to create your own work and be your own boss. And then you go into a rigid, you know, structure and you're putting your body through that every day. It's like that's a big shift and a big change and it's not something that you get used to so quickly. So it's like maybe just understanding your environment has changed a lot. Yeah, you know, and you're and you're coming up against it. So it's like I think it's normal
and this is temporary. It's not going to be forever.
That's what my you know, I keep convincing myself too, and you're so right, like this is you know, I'll be away in Sydney, will have the good time, the best time when I'm filming the movie. When the movie is done, i'll graduate Howard and you know I'll have then a break. Yeah, I don't know, but it's like the next three months are going to be so gun ho, and I'm I think you do want to think it is? I'm actually fucking terrified that I'm going to be really
shit in this movie or this film. Sorry, I feel like I'm just gonna be so shit.
Do you know you want to know something? Every single person, let me tell you. I've worked with the fucking A listers. I'm talking Austin Butler, Tom Hanks. We had conversations in the sound stage once where it's like, does that doubt ever go away? And it never does because in your mind everything is revolving around you, right as a character in a film or on set. The reality is is that everything that is revolving around you is supporting you. So you've got so many elements to this puzzle that
are like lifting you up. It's not you going in and trying to make something amazing. It is you going in and enhancing something or creating, you know, a moment with all these resources, all these people who make it great because that's their job to do it. I'm talking lighting, I'm talking directors, you know, makeup artists.
And just saying that actually made me just feel like, oh yeah.
Well, you know what you have to see as you're a small piece of this puzzle and everyone else is having the exact same feeling. But when it comes together, you'll be so surprised. You will see something back and you'll be like, fuck, that is not how I saw this world. You know, it's because all the elements that
make film and TV so great are supporting you. You know, it's not your shooting the scene in your lound room and criticizing yourself watching it back, it's like the worst it is with the support of everyone, and everyone in that in that place is going through the same thing. The person who's doing your makeup is thinking, fuck, am I doing the right thing? Am I portraying this character the right way? You know? The director is thinking what the fuck am I doing?
God?
I sound like an absolute fucking narcissist, isn't.
No, no, no, no. Everyone everyone is that. Everyone is going through it. So it's like you're not alone in that.
I love you see a little manny online It's yeah, it is because I care as well. Like if I don't care, I'll be fucking don't do the industry get.
Out and you know what. The best advice that actors can be given is don't be afraid to be ugly, and I struggle.
I'm agree every day whatever, I don't care.
What doesn't mean looking bad, It means going to places that you think is awkward or yeah. And what I would say is, if you're in the space and they say to you, like if you walk into a space and you want it and you're about to do a scene, and if they give you the opportunity to do it the way that you want to do it, and they say, do it first, give them everything that you've been doing in behind the closed doors at home, you know what I mean, Like, give them how you would do it,
and not think what do they want? Think about what you want, and then they will come in and go, great, thank you so much for showing us. That will change it if we want to, you know what I mean. But like show them what you have seen in your head already, because that's what you're most connected to at
that point. So it's like the best advice I've been given is when you know, Shari Sevans once told me she's like, now fuck it up, and that gave me permission to do so something that was like outside of the box, and we ended up going with it. We ended up going with that take.
Something just popped up in my head just now and I was like, of all the industries that I've chosen in life, I have chosen the one that the thing that I hate the most, which is rejection. Because yeah, right, an activity get constantly rejected on social media, you get rejected. People don't like you, they don't like you whatever. They'll let you know. Yeah, I work with kids. They often will fucking reject you.
They tell you exactly how they feel, right, they see a wound in their like salt here we go, like.
You men make up today?
Yeah, it's like, yes, i am your little fuck up.
And also I've chosen to go fucking and dating I guess dating shows and reality TV, and that's like the biggest rejection before. Oh what, and I'm a Capricorn for Fox's sake, we don't deal with rejection. Well, I have a mess.
Yeah. I think it comes down to a little bit of like accepting that that's a part of it. And you have obviously because this is what you chose to do. So it's like I think that, like rejection is so important. Rejection is realignment.
Character building, Yeah, character building realignment redirection, yep.
Because if everyone accepted us, we'd end up in some dodgy places, you know what I mean. Like if everyone was like yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, we would be in places that we are just not meant to be and we'd probably be fucked up. So like, let's look at the positives. Let's look at the positives. When people say no. I was going to do the Michelle Obama. When people go low, we go high. When people say no,
we say thank you. But yeah, I just feel like rejection is it's hard to take in the initial moments, but friends and I just got like, basically I thought I had this role recently recent example of rejection. I thought I had this role. And the conversations that were happening were like, keep the dates, Okay, you've made it to the top two. The director just wants to see
one more person. Yeah, And I was like on top of this world, thinking, oh, I've got this, I can see it, I know exactly where I'm like this is going to happen. And then I got the email saying sorry, they've decided to go in the other direction and they'll think of you for something else down the track. And how I thought that would hit me. Wasn't how it hit me. I literally looked at it, okay, put the phone down, and went on with my day. So that does come a point where you're like, huh oh, okay,
that's all right. I know that that wasn't meant for me. And then I think about it now, and I was thinking, it's so funny you say, like we're talking about this, because on the way in, I was thinking about if I got that role, how much drama and how much like negativity surrounded that role in terms of the storyline, and how much like negative negativity that I would be
living in every day shooting. Yeah, you become grateful when you have hindsight as well, so like rejection is a part of it, and yeah, you just got to accept that one.
I'm done with this year, guys, I'm really done with this year. So can we wrap it up? Can we wrap this motherfucking year up?
Well, you've got a really exciting time ahead. Let's see it as you're gonna smash it. And if you need any help, call me. I will be your little hype man and we'll get you to the level that you just walk in there and fucking smash it.
I just need some color too, gray.
Get out in the sun.
I'm so gray. So what.
I mean, I'm like, I reckon, Yeah.
Moment my mom said that I'm gray, Like I did a FaceTime chat and Troy goes, you need some color.
Well, it's just it's just the end of winter, like not like we live on the West Coast, you know what I mean. But I would say, when you're in Sydney, get out in the sun.
You going to turn my asshole.
I'm gonna neude peach.
I'm gonna moon that sun so hard.
Speaking of asses, and my ass is out on my Instagram? What do you think? Oh?
Yeah, I did say that, you little peach, your little perky peach.
Oh yeah, it's little, it's beautiful.
Did I say little? I did say little?
Yeah?
Big?
But I do you think it's too risky that content or it's okay? No?
Fuck it up?
Seriously. I'm like in my head, I'm like, oh, I'm so sick.
Of Oh you didn't get a job because your ass is out? Fuck it. Yeah, I've uploaded a naughty little lingerie photo. You saw that.
Yeah, I was a bit spicy, and I think, like, I'm so done of trying to appeal to Sunrise in the Today Show, like I'm not a forty five year old.
Man, like I agree might live my life. I'm a little bit the same because I'm always like, oh well, I go into politics later. I probably will, but you know what, enough time will go by and I'll forget about it. Everyone forgets they bring it up.
I'll be really proud of my young, perky ass.
Same like you're just jealous because you're as sag you are saggy, You're just jealous. I love this saying like they're mindful, like.
Very mindful, very perky.
I got interviewed at Oscar on Friday Night, right, and they're like, what do you think of the ballet? Like taking on something like Oscar that's like a queer story around Oscar Wilde he was writer. Anyways, os Ballet is obviously quite conservative, but like queenness exists exists in the os Ballet for years, like guys are tights like.
Across the stage.
Exactly like what the fuck? And then so they will trying to make it as if like the os Ballet were like yeah, like very revolutionary. And I was like they asked me the question and I was like, yeah, like we need more queer stories. But I mean queenness has existed in oz ballet, like I trying to make it out. Anyways, They were like, what do you think of the ballet? Like this is my first time. I was like, very mindful, very demure, so like, if that gets reposted, yeah.
It's good. That is good something. Yes, if you were to rap about this year, okay, what would you wrap be?
Twenty twenty four? So poor? Oh I'm gonna say yeah, I was gonna say something else. I was like, I've been a bit of a whrror. No, I have been My god, I also need to give you up. I wasn't me on the floor, give me some more.
And then I closed the door and said we're over.
Thank you so much for listeners this dumb ass episode. So you know what, guys, thank you so much for listening to my ship. Every week. I am going through it, you know what. And it goes to show that as much as fucking people might look glamorous on the outside, it's not like that. It's not like that. It's it's like, you know, that little duck that's gliding along with the water underneath, and the little legs are going. That is literally me. That is me. I'm running like a little
fucking duck. I'm just so thank you so much for sticking it without sticking it with us. Thank you so much for sticking it out with us.
It really appreciate you.
Stick Yeah yeah, yeah, very demure. Goodbye. Anyways, if you love what you here, probably not leam. It's a rating interview and if you want us to cover anything on the pod, honestly, just reach out by our socials. Had a beautiful message the other day someone emailed me, which was quite nice. Go check it out on my socials.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that. Brooks Handle is a brooked up Blert minds at its muddy milk. Bye bye