¶ Gnome Crew Podcast Banter and Beer
Grab a pint , pull up a toadstool and get ready to giggle and groan with your favourite gnome crew . Welcome to First Yook Gnomes , where the beers are stronger than your dad's handshake and the jokes are as bad as his puns . Your hosts Walliams and Mr Hodgkiss .
Welcome back , episode six . Six bomb , six bomb . You're a six bomb . You can give it to me when I pot along . Six bomb , six bomb . You're my six bomb . Spotify , you can turn me on hey .
I was not expecting that that might be your best one yet . Six bomb , six bomb . I'm going to be singing that later as I go to bed . Six bomb , six bomb . Oh , your wife is a lucky lady . A for effort , wiles . That was superb . Thank you , wiles . Welcome to episode six .
Hi everybody , I've actually run out of beer . Sorry listeners , we've actually run out of beer . Sorry listeners , we've not run out of beer . Starched a beer . I've had a beer . You've had a couple , I think . Spoiler alert we've just recorded episode five , so I've had a beer already . This is the same evening I'm going into the thirsty first fridge again .
Go in there .
Do-do-do do , do , do , Do , do , do , do , do do .
This is just the making of this podcast is just really to help give validation to Dan trying lots and lots of beers .
Basically , yeah . So the reason for the podcast started it's just for an excuse to make sure me and Mr Hodgkiss speak to each other at least once a month . But the hidden meaning was for me to make sure I drink new beers . And also , spoiler alert , I have been drinking already this evening and Mr Hodgkiss has not . Well , he has , but on the zero .
So I do apologize if there's a difference in quality between um myself , mr hodgkiss this evening don't worry , williams .
Last time we did this , uh , the episode that you recorded after having drinks didn't end up anywhere , so , um no , so maybe we may ever hear this anyway , so you wish .
End of the day . We've had a good time , that's all that matters . We're enjoying ourselves well . I have anyway a lovely black camp north again , as , the same as last episode , this is a ultra phase , an 8.4% you're going stronger .
That's a double IPA .
isn't it a DIPA ? On episode 5 , we didn't know what double DH IPA was . Isn't it A DIPA ? On episode five , we didn't know what a double DH IPA was . No , but a DIPA , I presume , is a double IPA , which is a luscious double IPA made with USA and Australian hops .
Nice .
Saturated in honeydew , melon , green grape and pink grapefruit , flamed with a lasting citrus finish . Mr Hodgkins , you're the sober one . Did I give the episode five first to first a score ? You did not . No , I did not . I would give that a 8.5 .
Wow , that's a lot of fingers . It was a very good one .
Once again , this is vegan .
Lovely can good quality artwork . Um , I have some . Eat me as well . Oh , you know what double d is ? I do , it's a double dry hopped ipa , a double dry hop . Dry hopping is the process of adding hops to beer after fermentation , typically to enhance aroma and flavour without adding bitterness .
Oh well , apparently you should expect big , vibrant hop aromas Think citrus , tropical fruit , pine or flora .
That was the previous episode .
Yeah , so this one's a .
DIPA . This is a double IPA , so that means I think I've got a feeling I might prefer a double D . Okay , you said that before Less of a Less of an impact on the smell .
I can't believe you're going Like just again it's peaked behind the curtain . It's 20 past 11 on a Saturday night and you're going for an 8.4% beer .
Yeah , I mean it's fairly smooth for an 8.4% , but you can taste the alcohol more . It's a . I regret the decision 20 past 11 , drinking an 8.4% .
You'll sleep well tonight , George . You're going to hear lots of stories .
The wifey wife is not going to appreciate this and she won't realise until the episode comes out .
And you are an editor , so you can always edit it out . You can say , oh , the strength of this beer is . And then get the AI to say 2.6 .
It's a 2.6 .
It's a glass of water , so how many fingers are you giving this one ? Seven , oh so still a good score then yeah , it's a no , sorry actually no hang on , hang on . He takes this very seriously .
I do actually sorry back in . I mean you could drink those and you'd be on the floor after one . Stay tuned to see if Wally comes up . I mean you could drink those and you'd be on the floor after one .
Stay tuned to see if Wally comes up on the floor and he'll probably try and play it . If you listen to episode five , he might even fall down the stairs .
I wasn't drunk .
You will be tonight .
I'm only going to give it a seven because , compared to the other beers , I've scored higher . So a seven I think is quite . I've scored higher , so a 7 I think is quite a decent score still .
It's a generous score . Well done , north Brewery . You've made some good ones , mr Hodgkiss . Feedback on the feedback Get the rod out .
Oh , the rod is out , get it out . We're going to the fish pond of feedback , fish pond of feedback . We've had a message through . This episode will probably release end of January , start of February . We've had a message through from a Linda Carey saying Merry Christmas , so apologies for the delay .
Merry Christmas back , merry Christmas , so apologies for the delay .
Oh , Merry Christmas back . Merry Christmas Linda .
Ah , there's um . There's something hanging off the end of your tackle , oh dear and uh , I'm not sure what that is let's have a look , let's have a look at the end of your tackle . An email . Yeah , we've got an email from the fish pond feedback . Lovely Subject line Honest feedback , oh dear , is this from your wife ? Good afternoon . Is this from your wife ?
Good afternoon . As a relatively new listener to your podcast , I relish the opportunity to listen to each new episode as I and this is me speaking here I think the quotation marks are important . Okay , quotation marks WFH , which , as we know , is work from home . I relish the opportunity to listen to each new episode as I WFH .
I marvel at the way the two of you interact and I'm genuinely surprised at the informative content you share with your listeners Wow . My only feedback would be that the two of you seem to be on different levels in terms of the quality of humour and your general banter .
Oh dear .
Williams , is it time you spread your wings , go it alone and really make a name for yourself . Couldn't agree more . Don't let him hold you back . Your friend and avid listener .
Morgz from Wally very good listeners to episode 5 will know Morgz . He's one of the people who requested one of those videos that we talked about in episode 5 . Go back and listen right to the end .
How lovely to hear from Morgz yes , lovely to hear from our Weybridge listener um new listeners . We actually it's um is that the ? Word ? What's the word ? What's the word ?
you're dumbfounded by the amount of people I'm dumbfounded by the people that actually people search .
Go to the podcast . I'm dumbfounded by the people that actually people search . Go to our podcast and listen to it .
So where are these new listeners ?
These new listeners are from , so we've got from Bangor , Ards and North Down , which I believe is .
That's by us , yeah .
Oh is it .
Bangor .
Yeah , yeah , yeah Bangor yeah , yeah , bangor , yeah , it's in between where I live , bangor .
Northern Newtownards . Yeah , it's .
Bangor , northern . Oh okay , nice , okay . Uh , lesser near you , busan , south Korea .
Ooh um , orillia in Ontario , which is a an old , somber guy of mine , which , uh , one of my fellow canadians fellow canadians , I'm not canadian , you know what I mean one of your old chums chesterfield , derbyshire and after the best part of two seasons and no listeners in africa . And then we got , uh , cairo and egypt , it's all kicking Africa .
And then we've got Cairo in Egypt , it's all kicking off . Mr Oshkiss , we've got a new listener from Cape Town in South Africa .
No way yes , yes , way we're reaching all corners of the globe here all corners of the globe .
Little quiz , mr Oshkiss little quiz . Oh , I love a little quiz , mr Oshkiss little quiz , just to round off 2024 . Who are the top 5 ? Not necessarily in order , but I want you to guess the top 5 countries that our gnome listeners come to .
So , as in , where most listeners come from the top 5 countries , I expect you to get at least three out of five , and if you think that's the three , I'll be disappointed . Okay .
Are we saying the UK is one country Correct , so the UK Correct and Canada .
Correct .
And America .
Correct , that's three out of five and they are the United Kingdom is first , the United States is second , canada is third . I kind of expect Canada to be second . The United States is second , after that Fourth or fifth most popular listeners .
I'd probably say Australia , incorrect .
No , all right , I'll give one more guess .
Let's go for the Republic of Ireland .
No . Pakistan and Taiwan . Wow , number one , united Kingdom , number two United States . Number three Canada . Number four Pakistan . Number five Taiwan .
Well , hello to everybody in those countries .
So , yes , so thank you for our know me listeners from 2024 and , uh , those that continue to listen in 2025 there must be something better you can do , listeners , but we're great , we're great for you here .
¶ Disney on Ice & Masked Singer Review
Um , so my first look , uh , we recently went to see Disney on Ice , which was actually pretty good . So we have a child who In Belfast , in Belfast , yeah , at the arena . So we have a child and a wife who both like Disney , and we have in-laws who also like Disney . So we , we have a wife , we , the royal , we , I have a wife .
He's a big disney , he's a big disney freak . yeah , um , I've married into a disney freak , um , but we were these things a while ago and it was great because I'm going to sound like a proper dad here the price of tickets for things these days , but the ?
Um , the tickets were really reasonably priced , like I think they were like 20 something pounds each , which I thought was pretty good for , like , a big arena show . Yeah , um . So we took , uh , the in-laws and we took my mother along as well and we took brain and it was a really good show . The it wasn't . I'd . I'd been to one before .
I took leslie ann to one in 2010 , and that was just trying to win brainy points . This was the first time I'd taken my kid to it and it was much better , I must admit , like the show was . I don't know if it's just because , as you say , I've been indoctrinated into the world of Disney now . Yeah , but it was superb .
They had a big cast and they did loads of stuff for the kids and they got the crowd going and it was really good . The only complaint I have and it's a big one so Brady Bunch , so these arena shows , of course it's Disney it's all about . They want to make the money .
They want people indoctrinated into the brand so people become lifelong fans and the lifetime value of that customer goes up and et cetera , et cetera . So what do they do ? So we go , and my mom's there and his other grandma's there , and they both say , oh , he's like , oh , he's 10 pounds .
They both give him 10 pounds , he's got 20 pounds to buy himself and I get 20 pounds . Good , um , so we go to the merch stand . Is there anything there for 20 pounds ?
Is there anything there for 20 ?
pounds , is there not ? So he wanted this hook . It's a .
Maui hook like just a plastic hook as in like Captain .
Hook no from Moana . You know the rock .
He has like a hook , a fish hook . I'm out of touch , listeners , I'm out of touch .
Well , all this is is a piece of plastic right it's like something you get from Blackpool for two pounds and they wanted how much ? Do you think this thing was well ?
this is more than 20 , which is ridiculous .
It was more than 20 25 more .
Yeah , what for a hook . So what Describe ? You know what ?
I'll send you a picture .
Are we talking plastic Like plastic plastic ?
Plastic .
I'm talking sort of handcrafted .
I've just seen one on eBay for a lot less than I'm paying for it , so let me copy this image and send this to you . This is all . It is just a plastic hook . Can you see that ?
I can , and that's plastic , I mean that looks engraved and all sorts there that looks .
No , it's just that'd be , it's not it's not like a 3d printer type job , no , but well , a bit better than a 3d printer , like a toy it's just a little toy , a plastic hook 33 pounds and I was like okay , and then they had other things . I sound like a right tight ass here , but like some of the stuff they had on sale was was like .
I was like , okay , so the tickets were reasonably priced , but the merch and of course all the kids had to have the merch and all the colors , and I was like , wow , that's where they made all the money . I mean , duh , it was so . That was my only grumble was the amount of parents who had gone there to take the kids in . This is reasonable .
And they get stung for all , because everything there is like yeah , of course and every if .
If you see another kid with one , it's like , well , why can't I have it ? So you , everybody want , nobody wants to be like . You know you can't have it to a kid when you take them for a nice day , yeah so he ended up . He ended up getting the hook and to be fair , he has got it .
He's put it up in his room and he does like it and other than the price of that , the show itself was incredible .
The people who were doing the ice skating was incredible .
The stunts they did the show I would . If anybody has kids and he's like , oh , this is probably a bit , I can highly recommend it for a afternoon out . Um , I was well impressed . That was my first look at Walliams . Disney on ice Gets a thumbs up . I have a little one that I was going to do .
I don't want to be conversational on this , but I have to ask Walliams because I've never watched this . I've heard about it but I've never watched it . Tonight I caught about 20 minutes of it and I was like what is what is this ? What ? What is it ? The mass singer ? Like what ?
what is it if it was squeezed down to 20 minutes ? Yeah , probably a good show , but no it , um it .
It made my toes curl I was watching you've got like , you've got jonathan ross and davina mccall and they're all kind of dancing and making these weird comments and it wasn't funny . New series , or it must be . Yeah , it must be new series . Yeah , it was , we were just flicking , we were just having .
Yeah , we're not yeah , we tried it when it first came out , the first series and the premise it was good , but it just did so much trying to build up like drum roll , yeah , and then repeat what they just said , and then like repeat what they said again , yeah , beat it and then drum roll and then it's just yeah , it's massively popular though like people love
it .
Yeah , no , we can't get into it , but me neither yeah , I like the idea , if you're a fan tell us what we're missing , like if anyone's a fan out there of the show and write it to first at noam's first at noam's outlookcom . tell us what we're missing , tell us why we should be getting into it . And maybe we're just too old and cynical .
Maybe you have to be more like woo , yeah , and just throw yourself into it . But I just , I just couldn't get into it . I was like what is it ? And they were like no . I was like not for me , no , no , over Christmas we actually went back and watched . I mean this is quite sad
¶ Thomas the Tank Engine Nostalgia
. Again , we're talking about retro and I found out something . There's a Northern Irishman called Foy Vance and he was on Stars in the Rise , foy V and he was on stars in the rise for events and he was on stars in the rise before he was famous .
So that sent us down an old stars in the rise rabbit hole on youtube and I mean , if I'm saying the mass singer is bad , stars in the rise was flipping awful like watching it back , I was like how was this primetime ?
tv . That was the the missed . Then I'm going to be that one Tonight Matthew .
I'm going to be Madonna Tonight , matthew . Yeah , so one of the ones we watched was Madonna and this woman comes out hello , I'm Julie . I'm from Manchester .
And I work at McHouse .
Tonight , matthew , I'm going to be Madonna and she comes out , sounds nothing like Madonna , absolutely nothing like her . Can't dance like madonna , doesn't sound like madonna . And then it was like there was so many bad ones . A guy come out and we came out as billy joel . He said other than he sung a song .
That was the only thing he had in common with billy joel . He didn't sound anything like I think standards were .
I think standards were less it was so bad .
It was so bad . I'm trying to think of some of the ones we watched . There were maybe one or two who were like , oh , actually that's a pretty good impression , but they made a whole show out of tribute acts . Oh dear , it was really funny watching it back . When you look back at it , you think , oh , stars and Rises was brilliant .
And then funny watching it back and thinking , you know , when you look back at it you think , oh , your stars are always brilliant . And then you watch back like how was ?
it brilliant and that would have been prime time tv as well oh 100 especially when we had what four or five channels , that would have been probably 12 , 12 million viewers well , I wonder if Braden now cause he got into it .
He was like oh yeah , I'm a singer , so I wonder like when he's older he'll be like oh , when we were kids we had all the great shows like the Masked Singer , and then he'll go on his YouTube and watching go . Actually , the Masked Singer was a bit shit and that first look for me .
So a little bit of a first look for me , but a first look for Logan , but a topic area that I used to watch as a kid . But now it's a whole new world . It's a whole new world .
Thomas the Tank Engine , thomas the Tank Engine , thomas the Tank Engine was a favourite of mine , but you know we're talking 1980s , early 1990s and it's changed so much since then , but also probably when we watched it . It's obviously changed a lot because it's a 1940s idea . Yeah so Thomas Tank Engine , logan is .
It's obviously changed a lot because it's a 1940s idea . Yeah , so Thomas tank engine . Um , logan is he's . He's fully into trains . He loves Thomas tank engine , which I'm partly obviously mentioned what's the grommet , and that's my . Yeah , growing up and he enjoyed that . He's in the Thomas tank engine as well , so that's win-win .
So yes , he likes thomas tank engine and post and pat nice um , but um , yeah , so , thomas , thank you . So first look for logan at thomas tank engine , but first look for me as well in terms of all the new characters . Then , just so , and for christmas .
So we got him the and I must admit it's partly for me , but the old , basically the old original um , book set box set , book set box set , I don't know . But basically yeah , the original 27 books of thomas tank engine . Um , but he loves them . Yeah , it's very , it's very wordy , and there's that one .
So you got quite a few words , one picture , and he'll just stare at that one picture for ages whilst you're reading all the yeah it must be the way it's written and a little bit like a train go along , so it repeats itself . Yeah , um and um , logan's very much . Um , he says choo-choo , now he says chugga-chugga .
Um , you know he's fully into his trains and at christmas time he got train sets and he just loves . He loves trains , though percy percy's one of his favorites , and percy is old school percy's like one of the , the ogs , um , but he's also one of his favorites is nia . So Nia is a new ones and Nia's from Kenya .
Nia's orange and colorful , but there's , there's , there's so much , so it's 19 to this box set . We got Thomas , a tank engine , 1940s , so you know .
Oh , 84 years ago , 85 years ago , yeah , and not too bad when you read it so far .
So I've only read up to book 8 so far . The original 27 books yeah and apart from the fat controller , there's nothing too like you wouldn't really say that these days , I think yeah , um , but um you haven't got to cancel , thomas no , they're just good and it's just good honest .
A bit like the old watson grommets it's just good , honest charm yeah um , there's , uh , there's . There's new characters now . So there's kena , which I don't like . Kena , uh , logan's nanny is not a fan of kena . The electric train , no , no , no electric , the good old-fashioned steam trains .
So with the original original and from what I remember of thomas tank engine , um , it felt like a bit like post and pat where I was , like in in yorkshire or somewhere , some random village or something . There's new episodes now which are quite american .
There's like american versions of it yeah , thomas can fly and things and there's like , and the theme tunes like go , go go , thomas , go go go , and it's all just over the top , too colorful Too , um toys . Yeah , and a bit like the new post and pack . It's like special delivery service , whereas I don't know there's something to be said about the old school .
So Thomas the Tank Engine Postman Pat in Yorkshire going through the old Yorkshire Dales and just chugging along and choo-choo-choo and Farming .
Sound as well .
Yeah , farming Sound Postman Pat , for instance , would pop in , have a cup , cup of tea , speak to the person he's delivering to and then crack up , whereas now it's just like go , go , go deliver .
It's all about speed , and so I think my bigger picture is mr logic is is this affecting our kids these days , these cartoon quick , quick , quick add into the anxiety and the stress ?
and no , of course it's not , I don't think so . Anyway , the we had , so we we've been through this very similar you gave we're going through . Williams is very normal very normal to be expected and I can confirm and concur that braden was exactly the same trump thomas mad postman pat mad loved it when they combined it .
So in postman pat you got the pencaster flyer , if memory serves me correct , and the uh , the pencaster rocket and the pencaster flyer , which are two trains that feature in . Okay , oh rare one , christmas . He asked for a pencaster fly , a toy , let's get it second hand . And we had to drive an hour and a half away to pick this thing up .
That's a different story for another podcast , um , but it's quite normal because obviously you've got such strong memories and bonds with the show yourself .
But when you , you know to the kids , like brain would would often say like if I tried to make him watch the old thomas now we had , he was out , he'd grown out of thomas before they went really cartoony , um , so we had the kind of 3d versions , thomas and friends , which , um , still a lot of classic characters , but we're still pretty good , like the channel
5 , pretty good . Now the cartoon version where it's like go , go , go , and like you say , there's it's all thomas and friends from around the world and there's movies . It's like go , go , go , and like you say , it's all Thomas and Friends from around the world and there's movies . It's like , well , okay , this is just too much . It's not as I wouldn't .
I was like , ooh , I like the old one , but that's just because you're on this . No charm , but that's just because of our nostalgic approach . Logan will tell you what he likes the most . Does he like it ? Which one doesn't he like ? You know we . It's hard sometimes because you want to try and steer your kids into things you like .
I tried so hard to get brain to watch . I bought the turtle teenage mutant , ninja turtles , yeah series , once for couldn't stream an ms . I bought on dvd again . Oh , let's watch . This is brilliant 10 minutes and he's like he's rubbish dad .
I don't want to watch this like I want to go watch something .
Yeah , it's whatever like there's new programs that the kids are going to watch and now have exactly . God willing , they will have exactly the same kind of conversation about . You know that thomas , and in the new version of thomas and the postman special delivery service , rather than just postman pat , you know , it's just it's .
You think about our parents , right ? Some of the , some of the shit my old man would say like he used to watch , like jamie and his magic torch and the magic roundabout and the was it the herbs ? Like sage , and I remember mr ben , you watch . If my dad ever tried to make me watch that I'd be like shut up . I want to watch Danger Mouse .
Yeah , you know , oh , danger Mouse , yeah .
So even Danger Mouse has had a facelift . Yeah , but like what we watched Inspector , gadget and stuff like that our kids would be like well , I learned to tosh what our parents watched , we would have probably just turned our noses up . Okay , this is what the kids are into .
And , uh , hard though still , just , you know , occasionally just force him to but so far he is enjoying the old school thomas oh , that's good as well as the new stuff that's good , and it's good for you as well , because you enjoy it as well yeah yeah , makes it a lot easier so yeah , so first look at the , the new th , the old Thomas .
Old Thomas is better , the next generation , if you . So I remember there's . There's a video of cause . Obviously you and I like ACDC . There's a song called rock and roll train and somebody has put old school Thomas video over rock and roll train and it's very funny . Brian thinks it's the funniest thing in the world .
So , if you , I don't think it's just funny brain things , it's the funniest thing in the world . Okay , if you , I don't think it's funny , but he finds it very funny . So rock and roll train versus Thomas the Tank Engine yeah ,
¶ Relationship Advice and Darts Disappointment
enjoyable . Stop give me a ring , see if you see if you can get my chemical chemical chemical . See what happens a chemical you gotta do number .
Yeah , I do one second let me just , I'll give him a call . Give him a call and see what happens . I'll give him a call . You've got to give him a number , haven't you ? I do One second . Let me just give him a call . What's his number ? There ? It is 077-054-321 . Hopefully no one's listening to this 3-2-1-double-double-zero . Here we go . It's phoning .
Oh , hello , hello , hello , darts , yet darts , yet , yeah , darts , he's on the way . He's on the way he said . Is he coming ? Is he coming on the way he said ? on the way . Darts , darts on the way . Oh very , oh , very good , so he's on the way he's okay .
Well , why are you waiting for him ? Should I go and see if I know , or know him once ?
I'm gonna have a chat yeah , I mean , what an episode , no or no , and potentially michael van gogh and coming in .
Well , why not ? All right ? Um cool right , I'm gonna go , I'll go and see . Oh my god who's ? Here . Who's here who ?
is not both of them , is it both of them ?
no , just a no or no that would be a lesson , no or no . Interviewing michael van gerling yes , well , I've got to go because I need to give up my seat . Hang on , all right , you're all right .
Oh , hello hey no or no how you doing , I'm doing all right , thank you how ?
are you ? Are you doing Good ?
good , yeah , not too bad . Not too bad . I was just thinking wouldn't it be lovely if Mr Hodgkiss , the Nail or Gnome and Michael Van Gerwen were in the same room ? That would be .
That would be a very busy room .
It would be a busy room , but not to be , not to be . How are you doing right ?
I'm okay . Yes , I am very cold at the minute .
It's very tough to me , yeah , tough to me . Winter tough to me because you're predominantly outside .
Well , I'm here today because I , if you remember , Dan , I did actually speak to you on episode four .
You did , you did . Is that the one we recorded or not ?
Yes , you did . Is that the one we recorded or not ? Yes , it was . No , we didn't record it before .
We recorded it . It just never saw the light of day . No , it did not , it's because somebody forgot to press play and record . So I'm here today because the listeners have probably missed me and I thought it would be a good idea to come and continue my series on helping people with their relationships .
Yes , relationship advice , wasn't it ? Yes , yes , and we had a request .
We've had a request from a listener who wants to know From .
Weybridge how do ?
you tell your partner From Weybridge or where they're from ?
No , no , this person is from Bangor , okay , bangor . We've had a question that said how do you tell your partner ?
the gift they got you isn't quite the right one , oh dear .
And I thought this was because of the New . Year . Yes , like a Christmas gift or a birthday gift . It doesn't specify , but I understand that this is a very Sensitive matter and one I've experienced Myself .
So I thought I'd tell you in the listeners a story About me and my beloved wife From Christmas many moons ago , before she was Shattered and destroyed by the lawnmower . Yes , yes , on the road to Christmas I've been dropping a few Hints about needing a fishing rod .
Subtle things , subtle things like leaving Gnome Fishing Weekly open on the advert for the local rod shop and complaining about the rod I had , yes , well , on Christmas morning , my good wife , the Rodmas 2000, .
that's a good one .
No , I don't want the Rodmas 2000, . Do we need to ?
No . On Christmas morning my good wife presented me with a lovely long box and I knew right then She'd gotten , she Whoops .
She displayed her box .
she displayed her box , alright , okay and yeah , it was a shoulder and and I knew she'd gotten the hint . Hmm , as I took a look in the box , and only we should gotten the hint , hmm , as I took a look in the box , hmm .
Hmm , I put a box in the box .
I mean sorry , it was indeed a fishing rod , but she'd gotten me the salmon snatcher 400 . There was a rod in the box , brand new rod in the box , and she'd gotten me the salmon snatcher 400 the salmon snatcher , the salmon snatcher 400 . When I had my heart set on the codpiece 4000 .
So as she hugged me and asked if I liked what I saw in her box , I of course said Is the codpiece the box ?
No .
No , she's got me the salmon snatcher .
I wanted the codpiece . The codpiece was in her box no . So , this is a very serious story , Dan .
So she bought me a lovely rod .
Anyway , she asked me a lovely rod . Anyway , she asked me if I liked it and I said , of course , dear , it's perfect . As the day went on , I wondered if I should ask her if she'd kept the receipt and be honest with her about my desire to have the codpiece 4000 and not the salmon snatcher 400 .
After all , she said she wanted me to have the perfect gift and the Salmon Snatcher wasn't what I had wanted Over a nice supper of cheese and crackers . I was about to come clean , but before I could , mrs No-It-All-Know said Dearest husband , I'm so glad you like your present .
I spoke to several different shops about the best one to get you , as I really wanted it to be perfect , as you've worked tirelessly all year . At that moment I knew this was indeed the perfect rod . It may not have the length and the girth that I had hoped for but it was bought with love and heart .
I never told her the rod was the wrong one because , quite frankly , it wasn't . So my advice is this If the gift comes from the heart , it is the perfect gift .
And you bought your wife a lawnmower , didn't ?
you ? No , daniel , we don't talk about lawnmowers .
It's a very touchy subject . That was a hard story to tell .
Very difficult .
Yes , I hope some listeners find the information useful , very useful .
Thank you so much , no problem .
I'm going to go now and have a wee rest .
Yes , have a restful wee . Goodbye , goodbye , goodbye .
What happened there ? He looks a bit . He looks like he had a good laugh and a good cry at the same time .
Yeah he did . He's just talking about his rod . He's talking about his rod again . Yeah , his rod and cod pieces .
The cod pieces and the salmon snatcher .
And salmon snatchers and the big boxes and rods and boxes .
Yeah , he knows . And the big boxes and rods and boxes , yeah , he knows it's . It's hard mentioning sometimes when he talks he didn't talk about his wife no , he didn't very much no he didn't really mention her not too much oh that's good , because sometimes he gets very emotional when he talks about his yeah , good old .
What's his wife called Mo , isn't it not Mo ? No , anyway , anyway , bless her Bless .
Her Rest in peace .
Anyways , rest in peace . Peace I have . Peace is yeah , oh , something's Dying through , something's Dying through . Oh , hello , hello , hello , hey , hello .
Hey , it's .
Michael , hello , mr Mr Van Gogh , hello , hello , hey , hello , hey , it's Michael . Hello , mr Mr Van Gogh . Hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello , hello hello , hello , hello , hello , hello . How was Christmas ?
How was the championship ?
I'm very sad , Dan . I'm still very sad . I have not got over the fact that I lost to Luke Little up in the darts .
You did very well , though I think .
No , not in the final . I did very well . I was terrible , Dan Terrible . I kept thinking about parties .
But you know , a star is born every 17 years , so you know .
Yes , but he's too little , too little , too little and I want to beat him in the darts . I'm not going to go in this little punk beating me .
I'm not happy yeah , I can't quite understand you , michael .
The accent's very strong boy , I talk more clearly but yeah , that's lovely .
Um I I hear you've been in thailand . You've been in thailand recently on holiday . You know you have yes , I was in thailand I tried to forget it yeah , your instagram said you're in thailand , um , but uh it's a lookalike but alright , so you did have a nice time then , because you weren't there .
I was in Thailand . I tried to forget things , though , because of the darts I love the darts .
I'm very annoyed fair enough , any first looks for you , michael you're the first .
Any first looks for you , michael . Well , we had a first look at Luke Lindner winning the Darts Championship . He won the world champion . He won half a million pounds , and I won two to half a million pounds because I needed to buy a new car . My car's broken . That's what .
If I play really well , I'm not going to have the money and then I buy myself a car and then I can drive nice places lovely but , I , didn't .
No , no , you did not , erm , so we've only got you booked in for a very short time because the agent said er , it cost a lot of money , time and money .
Yeah , erm , any any final words any , I , yeah , any any final words , any try and beat me the doctor , I'm gonna put you down . I'm gonna bring the dots that . Thank you , michael . Thanks , it's the only thing that gets me . I love the note . He's my favourite . I knew his wife .
We've not had many listeners from Holland actually .
No , I would tell people . I would tell people to listen to the podcast and watch the darts , listen to personal norms and watch the darts .
More listeners from Taiwan and Pakistan than Holland , but yeah .
Okay , done , I'm going to go now .
Alright , yeah , nice to speak to you .
Well done . Say hello to Craig .
Bye .
Goodbye , what's up ?
Yeah , so , mr Todrickus , you didn't manage to actually speak to Michael .
He rang you , didn't he ? I can't hear what's going on in your phone .
No , it's true , Of course . Of course , silly me . What was he talking ?
about anything , you'll find out .
You'll find out in episode 6 oh , very good , looking forward to it but yeah , it was very good , very good . So we'll end the series , not the series , the episode .
We're ending the series some people would love it if it wasn't the end of the series . The bad joke , so I'm going to give you some context here . For Christmas , brain got a joke book .
Yes , it's for 9-year-olds yes . I'm reviewing it .
I can say this I imagine it's the same book that you get all your jokes from . So I'm going to tell three and we'll do a test .
This is a bad joke , not bad jokes . This is a bad joke . This is seriously silly . Oh , jokes for kids , silly jokes , not bad jokes , just silly jokes .
Silly jokes . They're your kind of jokes . Well , I don't know what We'll see . We'll see . See what you think , See if they make you laugh . Are Dan's jokes better than a nine-year-old's ? Oh so , joke number one why do bees have sticky hair ?
Why do bees have sticky hair ?
Because Because they use a honeycomb . Yay , this next one's , this one's actually quite good . This one genuinely made me laugh when I read it . What do you call a pig that knows karate ? A pig ? A pig that knows karate , as in oink oink , oink , oink , oink . A pig that knows karate A pork ?
chop Oink , oink , oink , Oink , oink oink .
Oink , oink , oink . And then last , what did the wolf say when he stubbed his toe ? Ouch , ouch , ouch . See , I'm after an audience . It's probably your kind of stupid humour . Silly humour , silly humour .
They're not bad jokes . They're not like rude bad jokes .
No , no , they're quite funny .
Yes , which weren't actually publishable at the end .
What the ones from previously ? I'm not surprised . They were very bad , very rude .
Oh dear , yeah , on the bad joke note . So my boss , he hates it when I shorten his name to Dick , especially when his name is Steve . So that's the end of the episode .
That's the end of the episode . You're drunker than you were three hours ago . Yes , I am actually . I can definitely tell .
Yes , Well .
I am actually . I can definitely tell yes .
We'll be able to tell on top Don't you hate it ? I hate it when my wife keeps telling me that I don't get it .
I mean , what does that mean ? Very good , keep them coming , williams , keep them coming See you in a couple of weeks .
Everyone , until next time . Until next time , bye , bye .
Hello , I'm Julieie , I'm from manchester and , uh , I work in accounts . And tonight , matthew , I'm gonna be madonna .