¶ Firefighter Couple's Career and Relationship Balance
Welcome to our firefighter support podcast . Today We have the prime example of a firefighter couple . So obviously I know you guys for I've known you guys for a little bit But the one you start off with a little introduction to you guys . Nate , maybe you can start just a little bit about your career and a little bit of the resume and Yeah and then collect .
You can correct him anytime .
Yeah , so I'm Nate Thompson . I currently work at Logan fire department , functioning in the as an assistant chief in operations . I got my start in Logan in 2003 and then before that I got into the fire service as a volunteer in Smithfield in 1995 .
So 28 years in the fire service , eight of those is a volunteer and And Really the entire time , also had a small business that I've ran .
A lot of people like to joke about it And we have a lot of fun with it , but it's been a good little business that I actually worked in their full-time prior To becoming a firefighter , which I think is will play some relevance , i think , today and maybe some of our discussion on the balance right , we're gonna talk about balance .
So you know , clut and I though I mean that's just a brief , you know really brief intro , you know professionally , but I think if we're talking about relationships today , clut and I met in what ? 88 , something like that , 1988 , 1989 , some more right around there .
We dated on and off , ended up here in Cache Valley , got married in 91 and we've been here ever since . So that's going on 32 years of bliss .
We'll call that every day is a new adventure , so yeah 32 years . That's awesome . Yeah , so you know , a lot of guys are already in the fire service when they meet Their spouse , and so as they're dating and stuff the spouse is already well aware of . But this happened afterwards , right ?
That's also a little bit about that Clut and maybe just how that decision happened and kind of what your thoughts were at the very beginning , when he's like you know , i think I want to try this .
I'm trying to even remember what you did before He . Well , he worked at Sprint print is what it was called then and he , we lived in Smithfield where there was a Volunteer department just down the road and I think he's always wanted to be a fireman and he's like , hey , i think I might try that . I was like , go for it , i wanted him to do it .
So , because what's sex here than a fireman ?
Oh yeah , she's being super nice because at Utah State I changed my major like eight times probably , and if I would have known there was a route to be in a firefighter , at one point It was a firefighter or a pilot or whatever you know .
You're going through all those deals , but once we once I graduated from school and realized the volunteer fire department was across the street , which we realized back then , they used the air raid siren . That was my first introduction to the volunteer fireman in Smithfield , Gletton . I thought either there was an earthquake or Raid or a war . We had no idea .
You know such a thing occurred in small towns , but back then they still used the siren for to notify the volunteer fireman . So we could probably say that coupled . When I was a young boy , you know watching back then the garbage men rode on the back of the truck .
So when I was a little boy It was always a garbage man or a fireman , because back then they tailboarded right the back when I grew up . So the dream was always there . I'm not . I wasn't really sure how to get there through college But yes , smithfield builds air raid siren was my , my ticket .
That was it . Yeah , that's awesome And that was 1994 , 95 probably yeah , that's pretty cool . Did you guys have any other firefighter couples that were able to kind of give you some heads up on what was gonna happen , or you guys just fully Jump in , had no idea ?
what we're getting into . We knew nothing , really , i Know know , and volunteerism .
As you know , you were a north Logan volunteer . I mean , it takes a lot of time . They'll it'll take from you whatever you're willing to give it . Clutton , i joked when I first got on with Logan . She couldn't understand that there was actually set schedule when I would work because There's a volunteer every time we like all the time .
We can't go too far for dinner because , I could be paged out . So yeah , that would make me crazy , but it was a big deal . Yeah , it was a big deal You don't want to miss anything .
Plus I was kitty corner from the station I could catch most the fires right like I was always right there first , you know first on the engine , usually at least the first three or four or so . But we really didn't . You know I had some fun friends back then . I mean I knew Frank keepers in high school So I got to reconnect with Frank .
I think most people have been the fire service in the valley for 20 plus nose No , those Frank keepers . So we had a lot of fun together . You know Corey Wiley , of course , jay , you know Jay brought me in , and Dennis wood , couple of the kind of the core players back then . Zane , you know those guys were all really good friends to me .
You know they brought us into the but didn't know before hand .
No , did not know them . The neighborhood , yeah .
Yeah right , the only friend that I really knew like really close was Mike Peterson , who was a North Park police officer and went on to be a sheriff and of course , the the police chief , i think up and Preston for a little while , but I think Mike's retired now , but back then that was my connection . You know he was an EMT .
We went to EMT school together and had a great time because back then they trained as EMTs as well . But that was the closest I had to really . You know , know anybody actually .
So you guys were true pioneers . Kind of figuring this out as you go along . What were some of the things that kind of maybe surprised you the most , collette , as the further you guys got into the firefighting even from the volunteer . But it's just because at the beginning it's like maybe , yeah , that sounds cool . If that's what you want to do , great .
But the more you got into or some of the things maybe you didn't expect to come along with the job .
You know , at first you're thinking it's volunteer , so it's oh , how much time could it be ? but it was a lot of time and a lot of training . But you know , watching name , i could see like I don't know . I was like he was proud , he was loving it , it made him happy .
So it made me happy , i don't know , i Probably time , because I think you think , oh , this is great , click him , click out . But it's not that he was always on call and that always wore that damn pager .
The page , yes , the bad the page , the badger the pager Yep , you always had the pager back then , when he got on Logan , i was like oh , She endured that .
It was eight years actually . Yeah yeah , it was good times , a lot of good memories , a lot of lessons learned , a lot of , a lot
¶ Full Time versus Volunteer
of lessons learned . I feel like you know , i mean you look now , even where we're at right now with this podcast and the things we talk about , but some of the experiences back then , when you don't have any , you don't have any . You know resiliency tools or you're figuring out . You know I mean it's amazing the things you remember from being a volunteer .
You know those are Probably I'm gonna speak for myself probably the most damage done were some of those real traumatic calls back . When you're , you have no skills really at all on what , how to deal with the stuff that we deal with now , and so it was a really awesome time . But in some ways , you know a little bit of .
You know You pay the price a little bit on what you learn from some of the trauma you endure as a As a volunteer , and it really gave me some good perspective in moving forward as we have we , as we've moved , you know , 25 years later on where we needed to take our mental wellness right for our people .
I think a lot of people would share that same thing that some of their damage done was as a volunteer , no question , or early on in their careers , right .
Yeah , i think one of the things that surprised me the most even just three years ago when I started with Logan full-time the difference between being volunteer and full-time was Was it was just so strange for me to go on it like a traumatic call and you start at home with your kids .
You go to the traumatic call and then , when you're done , you go back home around the kitchen table with your kids and to be that's right . You know you go on a call like a kid call or something .
That was just Weird and I didn't appreciate how hard that was until I got to Logan and it was so nice to go on a tough call , but it all stayed at the station .
We ran from the station , we came back , we processed it as a crew , kind of kept , so that by the time I got home It was like I've already had a good night's sleep , or hopefully had a good night's sleep , but at least was able to have that initial couple hours after the call with the crew . That made a big difference for me .
Yeah but as a volunteer I agree it was . I think you know it's harder to recognize it maybe in the moment , but definitely looking back I think , yeah , definitely the most damage is done because he's didn't know what to do .
Yeah , and you get home and Nate was like doing his sprint print job And so it was trying to balance that too , and then , yeah , it was hard to turn it on , turn it off , i agree , but we didn't have any kids . We had our first in 96 thank you . 96 and then our second in 98 . So we're just prepping more the talent . I don't know .
You've been in a little while before we had the kids , so yeah .
Yeah , you know I'm speaking of sprint print . So amongst the top careers that are hardest on marriage , like in the top five , our first responders and entrepreneurs and you guys decided you know well , let's take two of those , let's do yeah , let's do both of these .
Yeah , well , and early on with sprint print , you know It was a new company and it was up , you know we were growing quickly . It required a lot of work hours , you know , as you know , a lot of hours .
And so to ask , you know , colette , to share now with the shop and then , hey , i'm gonna , i'm gonna be a volunteer fireman too and hang out with the boys a couple nights a week and oh , by the way , there's gonna be three or four days of training after . You know it was a lot , it was big , but you know it was .
You know I just like , like Colette said , you know she could , i mean , It was very fulfilling to me . Right , it was very fulfilling and gratifying work . You felt like you're making a difference , maybe , or at least trying to make the difference right , and growing new skills and , like man , you know , i might be able to , you know , to actually do this .
And then you start bumping into , you know , some of your , you know , like idols . Back then you know The pair , the paramedic gods I call them .
You know the Edvilsons had come out and to Smithfield , and you know , and Crainer would come out , and you know these guys would come out and you're just like , oh my gosh , you know , these guys are amazing , you know , and teach your classes on how to start IVs and Medications .
And then , you know , once I started meeting some of the full-timers , the guys that did it just really made a big impression On me . It was like , yeah , that's , this is what I want to do for sure , and I'll figure out a way to make it work with running in the shop , which you know was kind of a rocky transition .
And You know I had a business partner that had to be okay with me now sharing me with the fire station And a shop .
And it was rocky road , you know , sometimes it was good , sometimes he'd get tired of it , right , which I don't blame him , you know , because he probably , you know , felt like , hey , i'm carrying the load here while you're out having fun being a fireman for two and three days a week .
But and it really wasn't an issue until I went career right , like he had no problem sharing me with , you know , the volunteer world , because it didn't really on occasion It did , but very rarely did it interfere with doing that . But you know , ironically enough , the shop , that nature of the work that I do , i think is truly part of .
If I look back now all these years , it's probably part of the formula for my own resiliency and us having a healthy marriage and still enjoying my job at the fire department . It always gave me something completely to transition away from trauma and from the bell you know They're adrenaline surges from getting up during the night , right Like .
It always provided that balance for me during the day because , you know , once our kids were grown , collette wanted her career back and you know she started working again . So for me to go , you know , continue to work , my business was super well , not easy , but it was just hey , you know what else am I gonna do here ? So I like to be busy .
So we were able to continue to do that , but it did . It gave me something that used an entirely different part of my brain and enabled me to shut off that primitive brain response and settle into being creative and problem solving and dealing with people at a different level .
And you don't really realize that balance , how that actually helps you deal with the trauma that we see year in , year out . And I'm thinking maybe you've experienced the same thing , man . I would hope .
Well , and it's one of those things that you don't appreciate until a little bit afterwards , and especially the aspect of , like you said , using the totally other side of your brain and just having something that's not fire , not emergent , that you're passionate about too , and regardless of whether that's a business or just a hobby , i think that's an important aspect
for guys to have in their life to be healthy . The other part for me , though , is also it's just nice to be an employee .
I like to go to the fire station .
That isn't my thing as far as I don't have to make the big decisions . I just come and do my job and try to be a good employee .
I don't have to deal with all the chief stuff And that's so nice because then because on your four off with the business , it's like that's all on my shoulders And it's so nice to go to the fire station and kind of take a break from that and just come and perform .
Oh , there it goes .
Yeah , there's the bell right there .
Speaking of pay , you're still the pay . We've come full circle , clear background .
No , i totally agree with that too , brent .
In terms of that ability to using the creative side of the brain is a completely different feeling , and so that brought such , i think , over the years , just really good balance for me and being able to kind of just decompress from a couple days of intense work , go to the shop , do my thing And absolutely being an entrepreneur and then running a business through
I mean good heavens . We've been in business for a lot of years , through two major recessions , through 9-11 , i mean two major recessions that we restructured our business twice And that doesn't come without some stress as well .
So for the first 10 years , 15 years going to Logan Fire , i just got to go be one of the guys and do what I was loving And it was great , right , i mean it was just super . I mean I was just all in , i could go there and give it my all And I didn't have to be the boss .
That's changed a little bit , but at least early on that was a lot of fun .
¶ Balancing Family and Trauma
When he did go to those crazy calls , knowing that when he came home that I just needed to back away and let him process however he needed to process , and that was kind of a weird learning curve for someone who's never had to deal with that before . I'd be like what the hell ? Go get your chores done , go do your honeydoos .
But then I would be able to sense it more . So I think that whole little volunteer time was a time for me to kind of understand . You're crazy . When you got home I was teasing you . I don't know You're processing . I guess That's what I'm thinking . That's fair .
Well , i think that's a super valid point , because we've talked about how great it's been . He has both sides of his brain gone , but really , for the spouse man , how hard is it ? Because I can just tell you some of the things that I've heard .
He's always gone , and now not only with the business , where you're gone a lot for that , but fire station you're going to be gone holidays , birthdays , it's just part of the gig , and so how will come maybe I can phrase it this way how come you guys didn't get into this And then , a few years in , be like never mind , we're not doing that , pick one or
the other , do the business or do the fire , but we can't do both .
I think even with the very full schedule that Nate had in just life being the way it was , we always made time . Whether it was convenient or not , we would have a date night once a week . We would make our relationship .
That was also on the important scale , instead of just kind of when oh , i'm just too tired , like we would for sure go do things Always communication , i don't know . We just always made time for one another , because I don't think I could have done it if I was kind of thrown to the side , because it seems like fire business family .
And I have to say he's always made me feel like I am the top tier . Still better be the top tier . I don't know That was most important to him was family , and then it kind of trickles down through there , but for me , just knowing that he was happy and fulfilled , that is where the support came from .
If I could tell he didn't like it , or if it was just draining , then I think I would have been like eh , just be done , yeah .
So what are some ? do you have any specifics on how ? because that's awesome , despite the time commitment and all those things . But how do you make your family feel important ? Because there's no doubt that if you went and asked any firefighter right now is your family the most important thing to you ?
Everybody would say yes , but there's a difference between saying that and then the family actually feeling that .
No , excellent question . And at times , to be honest , there's times you feel like you're failing , like I mean . There are times I tell Collette I'm like , oh my gosh , i'm a horrible dad , i'm never there for some of this stuff . But when I reflect back because , as you know , most of my kids are grown now My youngest is married .
We're empty nesting at this point And I cannot believe where the time went . To me it just seems like it went so fast . But when I reflect I think of , like Collette said , always time for a date or two every week . Family night , moving night right , my kids love that where we hung out together as a family , even if it was just for one evening .
They looked forward to it and we made sure that happened . We had a small . We had a fun little boat . It wasn't fancy , but my kids grew up on a boat , so it was in the summertime . We'd do that weekly . We would go to Lake Powell .
We always planned the trips out to make sure there was always that family time And we made sure it was quality time because the kids knew I'd be gone for two and three days at a time And then I'd be back . That's how they grew up , knowing that was the pattern , and try to be present .
Because , let's be honest , the day three after 48 , there were times of conflict , i feel like for Collette and I Not from her It was like you know how it is , you're just kind of numb , i would just be , my brain wouldn't even function , and they're trying to engage you , you know , after 48 , and you're just like I can't even really think right now .
So we came up with some good formulas for that . So that way I felt like Collette kind of gave me a little buffer there And I felt super lucky and was grateful for that right , because there was days I did not want to engage , right , and we would talk about it .
We learned to talk about , hey , what the hell's going on with you when you come home And I'm like , well , here's the reality , here's how I feel sometimes And , ironically , look , that was really on in our career . And now we know what's happening .
on day three , you're out , your brain saturated with epinephrine and dopamine and everything else , and you just can't , you just fried , right , and it just takes time for that to wash out And you need good rest , and so , giving me that buffer , then I could come back and be present for those other three nights when I wasn't at the station , And we would try to
make sure that those were meaningful times right Dinner together , family time , and I really think that the formula is fairly simple . It just had to be we were consistent with time together And if I couldn't make a birthday , we would do it on a different day , right Like we would figure it out .
Yeah , we'd figure it out , we would . I would have him call me at least once a day when he's on shift .
Yeah .
Just to even let me know kind of what he's been through , cause it's almost like giving me a heads up on how to treat him when he gets home . Um , i'd be like , how's your day ? Well , actually I did this . And then I'd be like , oh okay , he had .
And sometimes I'd even tell my kids okay , dad's kind of had some really hard calls and you might just need a beat . I mean , it's harder when they're little , but at least that would give me a heads up . So we had always , even when he was not home , we would touch base once . We still do every day . So like what's going on ?
Sometimes it's not till the end of the day , but hey .
I think that's huge right And I think that's and maybe it's just me , but I think it's easy You're said than done , Cause I feel like myself and at least a few other guys , that's a hard conversation to have , Like you don't want to necessarily pass on like I'm struggling or I had some stuff today that I don't think I handled very well or whatever .
But us , us women were pretty tough .
We need to know those things So .
I don't , you don't have to give us like all the gory details , but even though I'm , I don't mind if Nate shares that stuff with me . So I don't know . I think it's important because if not , then the wife's are don't understand And then they'll be like , why is he being such a dink , You know , and we won't get what has happened beforehand .
So I don't know . That's how I feel . I'm pretty sure most women will feel the same .
Well , and you know , after and it's so true because after the years in the fire service , right , whether it be volunteer or career , and I feel like it really started to develop later on in my career , after you're doing a job consistently , professionally , you know , day in , day out , i feel like wives .
Once you're willing to kind of , let them at least give them a code , right , like , hey , had a , just had a shitty call I don't want to talk about this right , like , but , yeah , involved the family or kids or whatever . That was enough for her to know . Okay , you know , i got it , because at least then that gives them a reason . Why are you ignoring me ?
or why are you not looking at me when I'm talking to you ? At least there's that knowledge of like , hey , it's going to take a minute , and I'm not saying that works perfect all the time , like , at times it'd be like , no , i need you to freaking engage . You know , because I got , we've got things .
You're right , we're not the , we're not a perfect couple , right , like , we go through the same struggles over the years Everyone else does , but I've tried to listen to those cues of like yeah , i need to engage , right , and sometimes it's just as simple and I'm not perfect at it .
¶ Investing in Relationships for Retirement
But you know we talk about the listening right . All you have to do is use our active listening skills , even a couple every once in a while , because they're hard to do , right , they're hard , they're very difficult to master . We'll call it , but then just even paint , paint , attention . You know she's telling you about her day or her frustrations at work .
Right , We're really good at sharing the frustrations at the firehouse and all the drama and all the calls . But you know they've got drama and issues too at their work , and so I'm not great at it , but I've tried over the years and she reminds me , you know , like , hey , you know I've got stuff going on too .
There's like you're right , you do , and so we've tried to do , but especially as our kids have gotten older and we have more time together And you said that in a way that I don't know .
I'm nervous . More time , more time even more There's more time to devote to you .
You know we had your BFF Brady on the other day , and one of the things we talked about in that , though , is that part of preparing for retirement is investing in the people that you're going to be retiring with .
You know you spend your whole life devoted to a career and then , all of a sudden , you retire and you're with each other way more than you were Now . if you haven't invested in that relationship , that could be a pretty awkward new relationship to build right . People ask us all the time .
They're like how are you doing ? And I'm like I love it . I love it When I know that might be sickening to some people , but we've had , we've always loved spending time together . You know , it sounds like we go on trips or dates and our kids have seen us do all of these things . We like to spend time together .
So as soon as we got the kids out , it was great . We're great , couldn't wait for the kids to get out . Yeah , yeah .
And I'm glad you brought that up with what Brady said because , as you know , as you get later on in the career , your cup fills a little bit more and you feel it , and you can sense it , that you need to take the break right .
And I feel like later on , even over the last 10 years , glutton , i have noticed when , hey , it's time to take a break , i got to have the time out . You know , let's go camping , let's go to Jackson , let's go to Vegas , let's go to Montana , right , it doesn't really matter where we go together .
The break , to me it's a key part of the formula for keeping the relationship saucy and spicy , right , like get away together And it's you know .
And , by the way , it is not easy with kids to do it .
No .
But you just have to do it And even though sometimes I didn't want to leave my kids with my mother-in-law , or whatever you still need to do it , and I think it's important for your kids to see too . I just think it's important for your kids to know that you guys , like I , don't know that we mean something to each other , so I don't know .
Yeah , what kind of feedback have you gotten from your kids about the career and about the life they kind of grew up , now that they've kind of all started ? to develop their own lives .
We . I actually asked them , like I said . so I said , now that you guys are grown , like , did it affect you when , like , your dad was gone for 40 ?
And they're like , no , it's just like , that's just how it was , That's just what it was , And like some of their best memories are me holding them in my bedroom on Christmas , like Christmas morning , waiting for an eight to get home so we can open presents .
You know what I mean .
Like I don't know . I think kids are pretty resilient Ours like they . Just that's just how they grew up , that's just how it was . So when they would talk to their friends they thought it was weird that it's just how it was . I have pictures of my kids standing up against a window waiting for you know dad to get home . It's just how it was .
I think that's awesome . How did it change from younger kids to like teenagers ? There a big difference there in how they kind of handle the fire life , or was it fairly basically the same thing , just different day ?
I think as they get older they're a little more mature to handle , like you know before . you know , dad needs a little bit of rest . And now you're like , oh , you kind of went on a really terrible call and you just so I think they became a little more , i don't know , sensitive to like your situations that you'd been in .
I don't think it would be interesting . I don't know , they've never said they've had resentment or anything like that .
¶ Quality Family Time
Well , when they were little , you know , i mean , like I said , you'd try to make it , i'd try to make sure that I was there and present , right , whether it's , you know , piggyback rides or wrestling with the boys or playing catch or going to their ball games you know lacrosse , baseball , basketball , dance , like I mean , you know , we all get .
Yeah , we had so many things anymore , right , we were no different . And when they were little , it was important that I try to get there right , and if I couldn't be there on a Saturday for a ball game , colette would ensure she was in the .
Ja , you know dad's at the station today , so he'll , you know , he'll be here next week , right , so we just communicate with them And I think they did okay , right , they've never come out and said , yeah , you never were there for me , you know , which was always a fear , like as a parent you're always like oh , oh shit , They would ask me all the time .
You know , yeah , but they know , And I think also we go to the station a lot so they could see like it was serious business and they'd see him leave on like , like I don't know .
Yeah , when they were little we did that Them coming the station . Life was a big part for them .
They could come and hang out and you know we'd , you know we'd check out an engine and slide the pole , you know , and hang out and do whatever , and then We made them feel the boot too , like every so they felt a part of the fire station as well , like the fire family . Well , and what an interesting one .
That was right , like I never , it never , dawned on me what an impact that was on my young children . For service , fill the boot .
The breakfast , the MDA breakfast that Mike Porter would always spearhead and you know , is always the funny thing , right , because oh , mikey was , you know so anti union , but man did he do an MDA breakfast , right , like Just super passionate about it .
And my kids caught that passion early on and as they grew up , as young kids where they could help with just passing out drinks . It became a here we do in that breakfast when they were teenagers . Are we doing the walk ? Bailey walked , did the parade walk with me .
Up until she was a late teen , my kids helped at the MDA breakfast every year for probably 10 or 12 years , so it was a huge impact . So you never know how those things like that was part of the whole big family thing . Right , they felt part of what the fire culture was , the big fire family , but it was also us being together as well .
So that was one that transitioned from little kids into teens and then I would say , as they transitioned into teenagers , are like most other teens . Right , like you know , they would Like they have their own lives , are going to go hang out with their friends or do their thing as teenagers do .
But I still think they would look forward to the trips right to Disney World or Lake Powell or wherever we were going . The family trip was still a big deal to them , even as teenagers .
So I think that's great and you brought up a little bit . But I like to talk more about the fire family . How much did that impact kind of ? you know they say it takes a village but I think probably takes double the village as a firefighter Like just being .
You know , and I know you guys have some great close friends in the fire service and how much did that help throughout the years having those close friends , other fire wives and trips together and helped always and I have never felt like I couldn't call any one of them for anything , like it still happens now .
I'll be like Casey . Help my god . Sprinklers spurt out everywhere . Nate's on a call and then they would come , or I would have Chad Griffin would come and pull a stump out or like anything that would go wrong , like when Nate , which always does- Yes , when .
Nate is gone , i would never hesitate or like to talk to a wife about Nate , drive me crazy , or the fire , like everyone is , was really great . They still are great . It's a little bit different Now that we're older , i don't know , but we still are like good friends with the ones we kind of grew up in the fire .
Yeah , i mean the fire family to me is huge , like I don't think I can overstate the significance of that for my , i feel like for my wellness . Still in the fire service We made it a point . They are family , you know , and it's so funny , i think it's like yesterday . You know John Fulmer and Brian Davies .
Once , once I had all my certifications flashing back . Now to you know , to that about your 2000 . You know , anytime I saw Davies or Fulmer , hey , you know , when you're going to come to Logan , you know , and at that point I was like , wow , you guys actually know who I am and , man , it kind of makes me feel neat . Well , you know , you fast forward .
What is that now ? 23 years ? you know our little gathering . You know , we just had a little quick barbecued the other night . You know , beer I comes . You know , look at all the things that have changed . You know , has a new wife .
He's happy and to me I can be around Brian , it's like we haven't skipped a beat , even though we may not hang out all the time I just it's family for me . You know , when Rhett comes back from Texas he and I don't talk a ton , but when we do , it's like we're brothers .
That happen just hung out for a couple years because that we live in different states .
Same with like Ken Matthews and Tanya , like I won't see him like all year round , but we'll go to the Christmas party and it's yeah , it's like It's it's incredible , as I think of those friends and you know everyone is you grow .
Sometimes it's interesting to watch because is your families grow and you do different things . You have different likes and dislike . Like we're not big snow skiers so some people go do that . We don't care about that , you know , but we like to you . For years we'd go to the lake and boat and we had friends that like to go do that .
But at the end of the day , when it comes down to that , that circle of friends , i mean I attribute a ton of that time spent with them , high quality time doing fun things wherever it be . As part of that and like , let's say it , i mean my friend .
I mean I've still got a really strong group of friends with the , you know with his couples that we have just a blast together and it's so important .
Well , because they have your same interests , like well , they're going through the same thing , like I can talk to Heather about all the things that drive me crazy , or whatever in the fire station . She understands , but she doesn't judge .
And I feel like I'm I don't know , we just we get it , i guess yeah , i think you know and I can vouch for this , but current recent conversations at the kitchen table at the fire station are guys are jealous of the Thompson family and the relationships that you have right , and so Especially some of the newer guys .
They look at that and say , man , that'd be so cool to have that you know . And so I guess what would be your advice to somebody that's looking to start establishing some of those relationships ?
because if you wait around for them to happen sometimes it takes way longer than it should .
and so what do you do ?
Don't start beginning that you know you're gonna , i'm gonna be spending the rest of you know my old age life not yet , but with Nate . So I'm glad that we have a relationship that we started long ago and it's always takes work . It's not like it's all perfect all the time he makes me mad . I'm sure I make him mad . Communication , find things to do together .
It doesn't matter what . We love to travel we love to , we like to just sit at home and watch Vikings on TV , we don't care , as long as it's time spent together . I think this is not to say . When he was a shift worker , i sure did like those . Two days on I'm like okay , good .
There it is , there's the truth .
Every wife is probably like oh good , serial nights and that's what we're having for dinner . And I don't have to . I can do what I want .
You can joke about it , it's true , but as a fire , a new fire family is . Kids are just trying to figure out this career . It's going to be hard when the hubby's not there , the wife's not there , while they're on shift , right , especially when you have little kids . But as they grow , learn to use that time .
As your time and I used to be , i'd get all mad at like . This is great . You have your time to be . You get to do the things you enjoy , because I'm going to come home for four and it's going to be back to what you know I need and my needs and our needs , right for those two days .
You know , enjoy yourself , do your thing , hang out with the girls , go , do whatever you're going to do .
I don't care , you know , but Of course this is after the kids are grown , because during that time it's just Yeah when they're little , it's hard it absolutely .
That is a very challenging time on , on marriages for sure .
Well , I have specific instruction for my boys when I go on shift is that there's no fun while I'm gone . Don't do anything monumental , like everything has to wait to get back . And then when I get home they love to tell me about all the movie parties they had and we had so much fun without you .
Well , and you know along those lines , to bring it like with your question about hey , what is it ? well , i sometimes I wonder what it is , but of what this I don't know . I mean , we've got this pretty awesome relationship , but Colette nailed it . We have to make the effort . You have to make the effort to do a gathering right there .
A lot of work coming . You do it all the time here at the studio . That doesn't come without a lot of preparation and willingness to say , hey , we're having a barbecue or hey , we're . You know , we're going to go to Vegas this weekend or we're going to go to a window , or we're going to go to a concert in Salt Lake .
You know , and we try to always make sure people are invited and we go . But it takes effort , for sure , because sometimes you're like I'm too damn tired to do that , i don't want to do that , but We're going to do it and it'll be super fun .
Nate , nate , always super fun . That's . Nate's comments me all the time because I'm more like , and then Nate will push me to do things that are probably not in my comfort zone . I'd probably be just a home body , but I'm always glad that he does .
It seems like every friend group , somebody has to be the initiator right , and you have people that sit around getting offended because they but they also never initiate anything so it's like somebody needs to start , ask , start , go to the concert , whatever , and I think that's perfect , because You got to be willing to initiate stuff and then you know , and then it
always comes around to develop those friendships , i think .
On that same note , like I don't always want to do what Nate wants to do all the time like sometimes , i want to do what . I want to do so they're got to be given . Take a little bit . Yeah , they always want to go to the beach . Let's go to the beach and I love it .
But I made him go to Ireland and he wasn't so sure , but it was like his favorite thing . So I'm just saying , like you got sounds rough Well .
I know , and it seems weird that I was like , yeah , but they don't have nice beaches where I can lay in the sand in October . But what an incredible like I mean , that's what that willingness , right , like I had to finally say , okay , you know , let's do what you would like to do . You know , and , but man , was it ?
like she knew , right , like it was probably one of the most incredible experiences we've had . She got to fulfill her dream of turning 30 . You know , and she got to spend it in an Irish pub . You know , and and experience all the things that an Irish pub has to offer . And on her 50th birthday , that's what she'd wanted forever .
And you know , our friend groups I mean her girl friends and our friends we made sure that happened . And I am , you know , i am forever grateful , like it was
¶ Parenting and Partnering
awesome .
Like do I love wind over ? No , not a whole lot .
No , it's like a two out of ten .
It's fun to spend time with me , but I'll also let him like do his thing , and then we'll go back to the room and just be like , okay , we're done .
Well , if there's a concert , it makes it much , much more enjoyable .
Yes .
But you know , yeah , I mean our thing , i mean here again empty in the cup , you know , for me , oceans and beaches and like pal water , i mean that's all . That's just really been my formula for the healing , you know . And of course , brady , you know , runs rivers up in Wyoming and this I mean , and that is just , i mean , that's amazing .
That's a whole different experience in water , of course , but with its nature it's , you know , it's exciting .
And everyone's escapes might look very different .
Yeah .
Yeah , again , like we like even staying home like just doing nothing .
Yeah , and I think that'd be my advice Find your thing . It doesn't have to be beaches , it doesn't have to be Ireland , it certainly doesn't have to be wind over or concerts , but certainly find your thing . And I think people are working harder at trying to find what their you know what their happy is .
And when we had little kids , you're just in it . So we even just going out to dinner or going to Sam's club together , i don't even care , I just survive our four month old .
Sometimes it's just .
Walmart for us Yeah . You and me Walmart , and we're going to have a great time because it's just us , but it doesn't matter because you're . that's the point . is this time just time ?
Well , and you got to keep in mind too right , time flies . My little girl was the same as your little guy . I had a two hour window so Colette could go shopping and it took two hours for her to figure out how that Colette was gone And that was it .
It was screaming bloody terror for it was probably a six or eighth month window And you know , then that passed , you know , and then now she's an awesome little grown lady and I can't believe that it's gone that long . But everyone goes through that . But keep in mind that would be my one thing to younger families The time flies .
So absolutely cherish the time because , dude it , i mean it'll be a blink in the eye . I mean I had my five years at Logan so fast . I was like what just happened ? And then 10 years and now all my kids were turning teenagers And I was like , oh my gosh .
And now I look back , you know , 20 plus and they're all grown adults and I'm just , we're just super lucky and grateful that they're a . We've got good , healthy kids .
They're not perfect kids , but they're awesome , they're just like we're not perfect , right , But we work constantly on our marriage and being couples and listening to each other and enjoying the time . Cause , man it's . It's amazing how fast time goes , and I think you just got to be grateful , dude , for every day , even though some days suck , you know Yeah .
Well , and something I've picked up on a lot from what you guys have been saying tonight is quality over quantity , absolutely , and I think sometimes we get too caught up in the quantity Oh , i missed this or wasn't there for that But it seems like from what you've said is , by the end or once they start growing up and getting older , it's those quality moments
they had that will mean way more to them than the quantity of you being around , and so that's certainly something I'm taking away from tonight . Absolutely Just as we wrap up here , just kind of . One more thing I'd like to end on and kind of touch on it And it's something I heard the other day is that parenting and partnering is like 99% repair work .
Like how good are you at repairing ? because it's not ever going to go as you think or as you plan , or there's always things that you find yourself repairing , and so a question is kind of how did you guys learn and how do you resolve conflict , or that repair work today versus back in 1991 was it 91 or 92? .
How has that evolved over your relationship ? I'm going to take this one . So , nate , i don't know if this is a fireman thing or what , but he would just like keep it all inside . Like , even if we like if we had a fight , you'd just like be silent . And I am not that person .
I cannot go to bed until it's freaking talked about whether I don't even care , like I'd text him with . Are you going to say anything Like ?
what the hell Like .
I just would want him to . I don't know , i would want to talk it out until it felt okay . I think I mean there's a handful of times , maybe , that we went to bed because I just didn't want to deal with it and just roll over and leave me alone and go and talk to you , but for the most part I felt like I would have to . I don't know .
I felt like I was the initiator of the talk .
You mean early ?
on No sometimes now .
It looks like I got some more work to do Brent .
So I just I think Nate can probably like think about it longer . I cannot like . I just I don't enjoy conflict . I need it to be hashed out .
So I don't know At the right because I think my wife would say the exact same thing , like I am super silent and I'll just like I don't want to say anything until I've thought about it for a long time .
And sometimes that's super frustrating for her that she's ready to talk about it right now and I'm like just tell me whatever you want to say , but I'm not going to respond until tomorrow or wherever .
And I would say I mean , if we're comparing all those years right , like the repair , the conflict and the conflict resolution , i think early on you're super headstrong and selfish right When you're first married And so obviously I'm right all the time , right As we all think we are .
You know , and I mean in your mind like , well , i'm right , you know why are you arguing with me , like this is weird ? And then you learn right through maturing and just the process of , yeah , i feel like you just get more wisdom as you go on . You realize , well , i think I'm right all the time , but I'm certainly not .
And my spouse is super smart and super logical . You know collect can be stubborn , so can I . We know , we both know we're stubborn And I think early on I would think I was right and I would go quiet . Just like she said , we're like well , i'm not going to talk about this .
Well , i learned to really love and appreciate her way of conflict resolution throughout our marriage , because I started to learn like , actually , it's kind of nice to just get this out on the table and then we're done with it .
And that has been another thing , as I feel like we can be mad at each other And typically if we're done with an argument , we make sure it's done . We don't carry it into the next day . There's been a couple here and there that were probably doozies , just like every other couple that we allowed , but typically it's a pretty early forgive and forget .
Let's talk about it and be done with it . Let's not go to bed mad , be done with it . We haven't done . You know perfectly with that . But I would say as the years have gone , we've gotten better and better with it Faster and faster at that .
Yeah , just be like you know what this one's not worth it .
Honey , you are right on this one , and I'm sorry .
And you know , and we're good . No , I communication is this huge And sometimes , like I even just thinking like , okay , I'm trying to see it from Nate's point of view . It might not make perfect sense to me , but we kind of have to respect each other's opinions too . I don't know , We are not perfect PS .
by the way , we have disagreements too , but yeah , I don't . I just like to talk it out , whether he wants to or not .
I think it's a good and it's a good thing to know that , like , look , i'm everyone . People know me . You know I can be stubborn and I tend to be stupid . You know I don't know what the right word is in terms of . You know , i really try to be . You know , try to convince people .
You know I try to give them information on why I think maybe , hey , this is why I think it's the right way . Or , you know , this is maybe the right decision for us .
But you know , colette , she's stubborn too , like I said right , and so we've learned to be able to navigate that throughout the years and knowing that about each other and knowing when to say when right , okay , it's good , you know it's okay .
So that had to have changed a little bit , though , after you became chief right , because now you can remind her who you are . I am chief Nate Topple that's just kidding .
Yeah , let me play that card at home .
That will get me really far . That's a joke .
Every time I'm like tell me he's a bad driver . Well , do you have your ? I play the engineer card more than any card ever .
I remind her that I do have a you know a class B license , commercial driver's license , and no tickets .
And then she has no choice but to respect Right . None .
No tickets , no moving violations , so just allow me to drive . Yeah , exactly Perfect Now .
I think Nate and I , as personalities , we kind of compliment each other . I'm a little high strung and crazy and he's , i know , i don't know if he's this way at the station , but he's more calm and logical and will get me a little . I don't know , we just kind of mesh . Well , we're very we're different , but kind of the same , i don't know .
Yeah , and you know , and you mentioned it , you know we joke about that transition to Chief , but even as a battalion Chief , you're still on shift work And so she still had her time . Right , we , it was still for her , the different job I was doing , the schedule was the same .
So for us , in the formula we had built , in being , i feel like , successful and dealing with conflict and , you know , just getting along well and knowing when we needed to take breaks . Now , all of a sudden I'm back to days , so it was like going back . Now . We're going back 20 plus years back , when I worked at the shop all day long .
So yeah , and it's still a lot , because now we're back and I'll tell you what it's done for me the regular sleep at night , regardless , because you know I take I cover seven , seven on a shift , and so I listened to the pager with the guys . Make sure I'm aware . But it's different . I'm at home , right , i can roll over .
Oh , it's not a fire , it's not a big event . I'll roll over and go back to bed And it's changed . My productivity , i feel like my . I can engage daily with blood and make sure I'm present on a daily basis .
You know whether it's just our brief little encounters in the morning before we both leave to work , just let each other know that hey , i see you , you know , and we'll see you later .
I think that's perfect And a great way to end , because I think you pointed out that you both recognize that maybe you become both the little stubborn , but also , i think that statement you just said of just that constant I see you And also you know you guys have both complimented each other well and on what you guys do well , and I think we probably don't do
that often enough . But , like a few days ago I just told my wife that you know I love watching you read to our boys .
Yeah , so into it And you love it , you know , and sometimes you think I she has to know , right .
But just vocalizing that and letting her know that I see you doing this And I think it's great , you're a great mom , you know . I think that can go a long way in , especially when I'm not there , right , but when I am there , to let her know , these are the things I see .
And that you appreciate That's great .
Dude , i love it And that is a perfect part of the formula right there , and even it's the little things reading to the kids , you know , recognizing . You know Kla is an amazing .
She takes such great care of me , right , she takes , you know , cleans my clothes , and they're always nice and ready to go , and in return I try to take care of the yard and keep the garage clean .
Like we've found these little roles And I'm not saying I mean they're , they happen for us , they happen to be very traditional roles in our house , but I'm not saying that's the formula for everybody , right , you just have to find the formula And for us that's what works .
I enjoy taking care of the yard , i enjoy doing the handyman stuff and Kla's awesome at taking care of a house And she's . I mean , that's probably part of our formula , to be totally honest . That's . We've just had our roles .
That we've worked out together . There's gotta be give and take , there's gotta be , it's gotta be 50-50 . It's a partnership and like it can't just be us , you know , pandering to all your firemen issues , we have issues too . So yeah , we do .
But , and you know , for me too it always helps too , because you know my wife's smoking hot and you know I've been married to her for 30 plus years And good Lord You know the romance is still alive and well , which is another huge part of the formula . You got to keep the romance rolling , Yeah .
Gotta get sexy .
Well , we don't do those kind of podcasts here , but we'll do the other podcast later , yeah , for our separate account . we can get into . No , That's private But thank you guys both so much for being here today . I know you're both super busy and just taking the time to share this .
I know it goes a long way with those listening in and the ripple effect is huge , you know , as we just learned from our recent Reno conference . But you know , these little things go a long way and especially for people that are just starting , like you guys were way back in 95 . Yeah , absolutely . With the career that there's a lot to figure out .
And this goes a long way to help people get over that initial hump , i think . So thanks so much , and we'll catch you on the next one .
You betcha .
It was absolutely our pleasure . Thanks , thanks , brent .