When Loss Leaves You Searching

Charlie & Jill LeBlanc (00:02.872) Hi everybody and welcome to another episode of the Finding Hope podcast. Charlie and Jill LeBlanc here and we're excited to be with you. We're so grateful that God has given us this mandate to reach out to those who have had broken hearts, to comfort those who mourn. It's something that we never asked for, but God has given to us this calling and this mandate and we're hoping that the things that we share are helpful to you. We're getting a lot of testimonies of people saying thank you for speaking up for us. You know, there's a scripture in Proverbs 30, I think it is, or 31 that says speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves. And so that's our heart here. It's to speak up for you if you've had a loss, because there's just not a lot of people talking about it today. Yeah, it's true, especially in our our word of faith and charismatic circles. Right. It's not a popular message because it deals with with pain. Right. And, you know, Christians, we just want to we don't want to talk about pain. We want to talk about joy and and praise Jesus and, you know, healing testimonies and right. And all these things that that are, you know, feel good and all this. But but some of us. have experienced pain that we never dreamed we would ever experience in our lives. That's right. And it's a lot of people. Yeah, it is. And it's a privilege for us to be able to address it, because as you were saying that, I was reminded of the scripture in Romans that says rejoice with those who rejoice, but weep with those who weep. And we talk about that quite a bit on this broadcast podcast. And. Yeah, because it's a thing that the church, as you said, Joe, doesn't have that part of it down, the weeping with those who weep. We seem to avoid those who are hurting. We seem to kind of just, you know, when it comes to Sunday morning, in fact, sometimes I've noticed in some churches where there'll be a major national or international crisis, like a terrible tsunami or a war that breaks out or. Charlie & Jill LeBlanc (02:23.982) or a terrible hurricane in that's killed many people or a flood or whatever. And we'll get to a Sunday morning service and, you know, they'll do the regular praise and worship time. Everybody worshiping God, getting intimate with Jesus. The pastor come up and say, boy, this is the day the Lord has made. And then they'll go in and preach the sermon. And it's like nothing has been mentioned about this terrible tragedy that just happened in our nation. The least we could do is stop. and recognize the pain that other people have and pray for them. And I'm not trying to be critical churches. A lot of great churches that address the issues every Sunday. Our church prays for another church every Sunday that's that's in need. And we address things like this, which I appreciate so much. But there are a lot. I've been to churches where I've just been sitting there going waiting for them to address this issue, right? Because it's a painful, horrible. that the rest of the world is aware of and they're all going, my gosh, this is horrible. And then we get to our Sunday, we hit in our little bubble. And you know what? The thing about it is Jesus is not that way. Jesus is in the middle of all this pain. He's in the middle of hurt. He loves to get in the middle of painful, hurtful situations. Yes, he does. That's a big theme of this podcast is just how much God loves us in the midst of our suffering and how much he jumps in the middle of the boat with us when we're crying, when we're hurting, when we've lost a loved one. Jesus doesn't shy away from that like some Christians do. I'm not trying to be bitter or harsh against Christians because I love Christians. I am one. But Jesus, He loved the poor. He loved the orphans. He loved the widows, the widowers. He loved the broken hearted. He comforted those who mourn. He actually was a friend of sinners, publican of sinners. He went to the broken and his heart with compassion was to help hurting people. Yeah, I'm so grateful. Yeah. And I'm thankful for that because. Charlie & Jill LeBlanc (04:51.051) When we lost our son, we were hurting really bad. you know, thankfully we had some beautiful Christians around us that did understand and that did love us and did help us get through it. But there were a lot that didn't understand. It surprising to us how some of our friends just did not understand what we were going through, or at least they were uncomfortable, too uncomfortable to address it. so I'm grateful to the Lord, you know, that that he helped us through that difficult time. And we're praying for you. If you've had a recent loss, we get messages every day, emails, texts from people who have just lost a child, a mother, a father, someone very dear to them. We just recently lost one of our closest friends just within the last month. Horrible. It really tainted our holidays because... We wanted to rejoice with those who rejoice like our grandkids and our family over the Christmas holidays, but our hearts were heavy through the whole season because we just lost a dearest friend. And we're mourning not only for our loss, but we're mourning for our dear friends who have lost their mother, their spouse, the grandkids that have lost their grandmother. It's just it's just a rough time. And we've addressed a lot of this in the last month about hope for the holidays. And now that we're in this new year, it's already moving ahead. And I know for us, when we first entered into the new years after we had lost Bo, it was some difficult times. It was hard for us to focus, to have any kind of hope. Yeah. for the new year. Yeah. Why don't you share a little bit about how your heart was so broken and you're having a hard time finding help. Well, I want to say, first of all, that I feel like, you know, after having come through the holidays, you know, recently, have to say that, you know, it's it's it's been almost 17 years. This is our 16th Christmas without Bo. Charlie & Jill LeBlanc (07:12.441) And normally that has been a really hard time for me. You know, just, and we've talked about it before, you know, getting the decorations out and the different ornaments and then just going through all of it without him, you know, with his sisters and just, you know, feeling the weight of this tremendous loss in our lives. has always and you know the fact that he passed away just right after then and and and so it was just this is being aired on the 13th and he actually passed on the 14th yeah but um but as far as christmas goes um you know he was very ill at that time so it was it was a tough time you know lot of memories just can't help but go there and so it has been a really difficult season for me every single year. But I must say that this year, I feel like I didn't have that heavy blanket of just grief and mourning. And, you know, maybe because our friend passed away two months ago that just kind of took the place. I'm sure. Yeah. because it was just so hard on so many levels and so fresh. But as far as the loss of our son, I feel like I got through this year a little stronger, a little healthier. guess there's just more healing taking place in my heart. And there is, obviously, but I felt it. You know, we don't always feel, you know, everything the way it is. You know, the Lord is so wonderful, so gracious, is so loving and patient, but we don't always feel that. You know, if our soul is upside down with different feelings, know, grief and whatever. But thank God. Charlie & Jill LeBlanc (09:37.23) You know what what has been a very, very difficult season every single year for me this year was better. Praise God. And I'm grateful. I actually noticed that because every year when we come to this time, obviously being the father and the husband, I'm I'm very aware and sensitive to your needs and sensitive to how you're feeling during this time. And and I try not to be to push it too much. I have my own grief journey. I have my own hard times through these seasons. And we all process our grief just a little bit differently. But but I was aware that that you had a little bit lighter heart, a little bit lighter spirit, although we still did get overwhelmed with all that we had to do as it does we do every year. everything that we have to do with getting out Christmas cards and emails to our to you guys, to our to our partners, to our friends, you know, and all the Christmas cards, all the decorations, all the grandkids and the day of cookie baking and everything. All of it was wonderful. But but yet when it was all said and done, it was all over. Our pastor opened up with a sermon Sunday morning and he said something about. You kind of feel a letdown sometimes after Christmas because of all the expectation and then the letdown. I turned to Jill, I said, yeah, we feel a relief. Yeah, it's a letdown in all the best sense of the word. I kind like, thank God this is over. Thank you, Jesus. But, you know, we celebrate the birth of Jesus every day in our life in the Word. Hallelujah. The Word is alive. It's living. It's the birth of Jesus Christ, the Word of God. And so the celebration of Christmas to celebrate his birthday. Yeah, it's so commercialized and it's you know, it's just a but you know, we do it for our kids. We do it for our grandkids and they're so sweet and they just bring such delight to us and such a joy to us. And we have four grandsons and two of them still, I think, believe in Santa kind of. yeah. So, yeah. And then our two older ones, they stayed with us. Charlie & Jill LeBlanc (11:58.914) They're they're staying with us right now with their mother and they they actually bake cookies the night before for Santa. They know. And then the next morning I got up early and I was tempted to eat one. tell them I had one. Or just to think. But but I didn't. But anyway, yeah, you know, time doesn't heal because there are some people that 15, 16, 17 years in are still in a lot, a lot of pain. Jesus heals right he heals broken hearts and he's there to rescue us in our brokenness and but but there's a part we have to play there's a part that that we do have to engage with him we do have to give our pain to the Lord that's one thing that I embraced early on in my journey is First of all, I embraced tears. I embraced the grief. I embraced the pain and and I didn't try to rebuke it I didn't try to cast it away from me. I embraced it, but I embraced it with Jesus. And that's the difference. You can get in your own little world of grief and pain and not involve Jesus and his comfort. And then you can just stay there the rest of your life. And I just want to encourage you to go ahead and grieve because it's part of loss. You know, the scripture tells us that we don't grieve as those who have no hope, but it still doesn't say that we don't grieve because the scriptures are full of examples of great men and women of God who grieved, godly men and women of God. But, you know, but you don't want to get stuck. You want to give your tears to the Lord because it says he collects them. in a bottle. They're precious to him. Our tears are precious to him. And I learned that early on in my grief journey where I just wept and I cried out to God. said, God, you know, thank you for being with me. Thank you for not condemning me for crying. Thank you for understanding my pain. Thank you for understanding my grief. You know, it's like that scripture that I've quoted many times out of Isaiah says, Charlie & Jill LeBlanc (14:21.665) that he suffers when we suffer. And that is really ministered to me so much. That the Lord suffers when we suffer. And so I just want to encourage you, don't get stuck in your grief journey. Now, if you're just a year in or two years in, it's normal and it's okay. But I was reading a journal about a year and a half after I lost Paul, I journaled and the Lord spoke to me and said, Charlie, I have... I'm going to turn this tragedy into something that you're going to be able to help people with. That was in 2010. I wrote that down. I couldn't believe it when I reread it. thought, oh my gosh. It was a year and a half after Bowie passed and I was got the spirit of God was already speaking to me. The Charlie, I'm going to help you. I'm going to make you better. I'm going to heal your broken heart. And then I'm going to use this so that you can help others. And that's what we're trying to do right now. But I'm just selling you. that God wants to be involved with your grief. wants to be involved with your pain. He's in the middle of it, but you have to acknowledge him in the middle of your pain that he loves you so much. He's the God of all comfort. And he wants to be with you in the middle of your pain. does. And interesting. You're saying that because I was just writing some things down this morning. I I was listening to this one guy that I listen to sometimes who lost his son in recent years. I'm not sure how long it's been, but he shares the most poignant things about grief. And he was sharing about his own story and he finally came to the realization that he didn't have to be strong in himself to survive this. And I'm not sure that he's a Christian, but he was saying, you know, we can't avoid it. You know, we can't treat it like it's not there. We can't just power through. We have to face it, but we have to be real and authentic with it. And he said, sometimes the most sacred healing doesn't look like peace. Charlie & Jill LeBlanc (16:49.687) but it looks like others that are holding you up while you're falling apart. I thought that was really, really sweet because we need each other. We can't be an island and get through this in a healthy way. We have to let others come and surround us with love and support during these times. you know, we just, we just have to let Jesus in others come and help us. so that we can get through in a healthy way. Yeah. Amen. I was reminded of the scripture when you just said that, where Paul said, when I'm weak, then I am strong because Jesus spoke to him and said, my strength is made perfect in your weakness. And that's part of the paradox of our charismatic, faith-filled Christianity is that we have this thing that we're more than conquerors. And we can do all things, but we, sometimes get into more of a, of a, of an aspect of we can do it. And, but it's very clear to us as we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. there's absolutely no way to get through these things without Christ holding us, carrying us. As we've talked so many times about he carries us in our weakness, footprints in the sand. We've talked about it so many times carrying us through the hard times. And, know, I didn't feel it. It's just like the footprints. didn't really feel like he was carrying me. I felt like he had abandoned me. You know, I felt like Jesus on the cross. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? I felt forsaken. I felt, you know, that everything I had hoped for, in fact, that scripture and. And Lamentations, I just haven't read it so many times, but I'm going to read it again because it's so relevant where he says, cry out my splendor is gone. Lamentations 3 18 through 24. said. Everything I had hoped for from the Lord was lost. And, know, the theme of this podcast is finding hope. You're getting through what you never asked for. And I think as a new year approaches. Charlie & Jill LeBlanc (19:13.165) Sometimes we're reaching out saying, I'm hoping that this new year is gonna be better than the last year. And hope is very important. In fact, the scripture says that faith is a substance of things hoped for. So there remains faith, hope and love. The greatest of these is love, but we need hope. We need to have a hope for our future. And scripture says in Jeremiah 29, 11, it says that, There is, I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. that's, Jesus is hope. He is the hope of glory. And you know, as we said at the beginning, we grieve, we don't grieve as those who have no hope. We do have hope. We do have hope for our future. And you know, I think a dear friend of ours who lost her husband, my best friend, lost... I lost and she said the hardest thing was just finding help. She said I just didn't know how I was going to make it. I didn't know how I could make it for the next year. How I would pay the bills, how I would do the finances, how would I handle the house, how would I handle all the details of life that he handled, how I'm going to handle the cars, the mechanics, how am I going to handle this and the pain and... and the loss and being alone every night in bed, how am going to handle the loneliness? She had lost hope. But Jesus is the hope that we have, the hope in Christ. And He is our only hope. We don't grieve like those who have no hope. We do have hope, thank God. It doesn't mean we don't grieve, we do. But we grieve with hope. We grieve with Him. So let me get back to that scripture because It's so, this scripture came so alive in my heart because you know, when you're going through pain, you want people to understand what you're going through. And most people don't understand it. And there's a scripture that I quote quite often that says, one can fully understand both the bitterness and the joys that you have. And it's true, it's a sober scripture because it makes us say, Charlie & Jill LeBlanc (21:35.788) You know, no one's going to really fully understand. So it's OK. It's OK. know, but this scripture, when I read it, I thought Jeremiah think it's Jeremiah, right? Lamentations. Jeremiah understood this. He expressed my feelings. Lamentations 318 again. I'm going to try to get through it this time. Everything I had hoped for from the Lord was lost. Boy, did I experience that. Yeah, we both did. The thought of my suffering is bitter beyond words and it was bitter. Excuse me. Beyond words. And then he says this and I appreciate it. will never forget this awful time as I grieve over my loss. And that's the bottom line. We will never forget it. Right. And I don't I don't want to forget it. And the reason I don't want to forget it and the reason why we wrote this book when loss comes close to home is because we didn't want to forget how hard this was so that we can help others. You see, when you're in pain, I can understand that because I went through it and I'm I have not forgotten it. And now, yes, 17 years later, the pain is not as real. But oh, my God, I look back at my journals sometimes and I think I was broken, a broken man. I was hurt. I was bitter. And I don't want to forget that. And the prophet says, will never forget this awful time as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this, the faithful love of the Lord never ends. His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness. His mercies I don't know, there's just something about that scripture. It's so powerful. That just really lights me up. he understands. I see a prophet that understands my pain. Yeah. And the scripture tells us that Jesus was touched with the feelings of our infirmities. Charlie & Jill LeBlanc (23:57.048) He suffers when we suffer. He wept at the tomb of Lazarus. He understands, too. He understands pain. Yeah, he does. Thank you, Jesus. And I wanted to mention about our friend that you were just speaking of about, you know, it's been two and a half years, I think, since her husband passed away. And I mean, you know, coming from that place of being fighting hopelessness to see where she's at today in the last two years. It is just miraculous to see how the Lord has directed her in different areas. She stayed tight with Jesus. She did. Because, and she always was really tight. she was, she's a woman of the Word of God and always has been. And she stayed there during this time, but it was so cloudy for a while, you know, that she couldn't see through the fog. But the Lord has brought her through the fog and has just been opening so many beautiful doors for her. And it's just been really a beautiful sight to see about, you know, God is faithful. And like we said, even if we don't feel it or see it sometimes, He's still always there. And He's always holding us and carrying us, walking with us through these times. And He never will not do that. That's right. He will never not do that. That's right. He will never leave us or forsake us. He's with us always, even to the ends of the earth. Yeah. Praise the Lord. Thank God. Well, listen, I do want to say another word about our book. I was just looking through testimonies today. People write us all the time and tell us how much the book helped us or how much the podcast has helped them. And we appreciate those testimony. I want you to know. So please leave us a message on this podcast. Let us know if this touched you in any way. Give us a thumbs up, like it, share it with a friend. That's very important. But we do want to encourage you to get this book. This is. Charlie & Jill LeBlanc (26:19.827) our book, When Loss Comes Close to Home. And after reading these testimonies this morning, so many I'm saying thank you, thank you, thank you for being transparent. Thank you for being honest. As many of you maybe just saw, if not, we want to encourage you to go back and see. We just did two episodes with an interview with Andrew Womack and Jamie Womack. And they're sweet, dear friends of ours. And they walked with us through that devastating loss. They were there at our house just within hours of the loss of Bo. I talked to Andrew on the phone as we were praying for Bo to be resurrected. It was a different, difficult time, but they sure stood with us through all of that. And we would love for you to go back and see. We broke it up into two different days. So two Tuesdays that you can see the last Tuesday in December, the first Tuesday in January with Andrew and Jamie Womack interviewing Jill and I. think it'll really bless you. But he promoted our book as well as Joyce Meyer promoted the book. These men and women of God, they understand the need for this kind of ministry. And we encourage you, get some of these books so that you can give them to your friend. That's one thing we get a lot is people saying, I got your book and I gave it to my friend and they've been so helped. And that blesses us so much. As you know, we poured our heart out into this book. And we just really want to help people. This is just the beginning of us helping more and more and more people. And you're a big part of that. We appreciate your support, your love and your prayer. So God bless you. have anything you want to say in closing, baby? Nope. You're good. Get the book. God bless you. Love you. We'll talk to you next time. Bye bye now. Bye.