Hi everybody. Welcome back to another episode of our Finding Hope podcast.
Getting Through What You Never Asked For.
That's right. What an amazing subtitle that we came up with. Actually, our producer came up with it. It was pretty cool. But yeah, Getting Through What You Never Asked For.
And there's so many things in life that we are faced with that we never asked for, we never expected, we never wanted, and I feel so much for people who have been through tragedies, through divorces, through deaths in the family, through losing jobs, losing investments, all kinds of different tragedies that happen in our lives. And our hope in this podcast is to encourage you to not lose hope, to find hope, to get through these difficult things. And it takes time to get through some of these things.
Oh, it takes a lot of time.
Yeah.
I've been working on a devotional.
Right.
And just in this writing, just just to relive some of our moments just to and to think about other people we've talked to through the years that are in a a new season of of mourning because of a loss in their life. It just takes so much time.
Yeah.
And it's not like you ever get through it, but just to kinda get back on your feet again.
Yeah.
It, you just have to give time. You have to give yourself space. You have to give yourself permission to go there and just work with this new normal, new season in your life. I even hate to call it a new normal, because, you know, we don't want to identify with grief as being our new normal, but it's just part of the journey.
Yeah. I think we do definitely, as we've experienced after sixteen years after losing Beau, by the way, Beau's gonna be turning 40 years old this May, May 14th, and so we're gonna get together with our girls and celebrate, although I'm sure it's timeless in heaven, but nonetheless it's important to us, it means a lot to us to think that-
But you know about that I feel, this is how I feel about birthdays from people that have passed on.
Yeah.
If they were never born on the earth, they won't be in, they wouldn't be in heaven right now if they're already there.
Right.
And so I bet you well, I think heaven is gonna be a party every day. It's gonna be continual party. But, you know, there's probably something about birthdays in heaven because they're celebrating a person that was born that God loved and brought brought to heaven.
I think so.
I think it's kind of a cool thought.
It is cool. But anyway, so yeah, so you know, we're here to support you in these anniversaries, these birthdays, these situations that you confront, we just went through Easter and I know a lot of people, we have Mother's Day coming up, and as you said, Jill, you've been working on this devotional and you're remembering all these people that have lost loved ones, and obviously we're remembering our loss. But you know, God has helped us after sixteen years, we talked about time, you know, it takes time It does. To get through these things. I mean, people try to rush you, people try to tell you you need to do it this way, you need to, you know, clean out your closet, your loved one's closet, you need to do all these different things, but there's no timetable for grief there's no timetable for mourning.
And as we know, Ecclesiastes says, there's a time to mourn, you know, there's a time for tears, there's a time for everything under heaven, so, uh...
And and you don't really, you never know. You never know when it's going to hit you. Just like that young man you spoke with whose mother died.
Right.
And even though it's been a couple years, still, he's he was turning 21 and that just made him miss his mom because he wasn't she wasn't there for that milestone in his life and you just never know what's gonna trigger something in your heart and, someone wished me a happy Easter in a text and I think she said something like, we'll all be together soon in heaven or something like that and and made a comment about, you know, thinking about us and Beau not being here with us. Oh my gosh, it just kinda took me to the place. I mean, I was totally not there at all. And and just hearing her reach out in love took me took me there.
Yeah. Took us there. But again, we don't wanna, we don't mind that.
Right.
We'd rather be reminded and go to that place than to than for people to avoid the subject.
Absolutely.
You know, oh happy Mother's Day, Jill, you know, and don't say anything about, you must be really missing your son, you know. Although it takes us back to, yeah, I do miss my son, but you appreciate them mentioning his name and saying so yeah, there's a lot of mothers out there that you're facing this Mother's Day without your loved one, without one of your child, children possibly, and and just want you to know we're standing with you. We pray for you. We love you. It's a it's a difficult time. People just don't don't understand that.
Yeah. In Isaiah 40, I was just reading that the one of the things God told us to do is comfort my people.
Yes.
And He is a God of all comfort and He cares for us when we're hurting. He cares for us all the time. He just loves us all the time.
Yes, He does.
But He wants us to comfort each other. And so we pray that as we share some things from the Bible this morning that or today, that you will receive some comfort if you need comforting. And maybe another time when you don't need it right now, but you might need it later, that these these thoughts will come back to you and help you.
That's right. And so in light of this, I do wanna start with a scripture that jumped out of the page to me back when we were really, really grieving, and that's in 2 Corinthians, the first chapter, and the third and fourth verse, but I'm gonna talk mainly about the third verse right now, it says, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort." You know, it's interesting, I had read this scripture for so many years, I'd even written a song called Father of Mercies that that were recorded in 1991 on an album called Run to Him.
Thirty years ago.
And and and, you know, we we wrote scripture, we sang scripture, we experienced a lot of God's love and God's peace in scripture, but when we needed it the most, when we were broken, when we were hurting, that's when all of a sudden these kind of scriptures jumped out of the page, and they continue to jump out of the page for me that I read things about God's love, his compassion, his comfort in suffering and in pain, and it jumps out of the page, for me and to me. And this is what happened in this situation. All of a sudden, I saw God is the God of all comfort? What? You know, I knew him as a God of miracles, a God of redemption.
He forgave my sins. I knew God as as, like, the the one that walked on the water who fed the 5,000. You know, I knew him as the king of kings and lord of lords. And and I I knew him as as someone that I could pray to and and and I could have fellowship with and worship, of course, we're worship leaders, we have worshiped him all of our life and enjoyed his amazing presence. But I didn't see him as the God of all comfort, That was so weird. It it was not weird, but new to me.
Because you didn't really need it.
I didn't need it. No.
So much before. I mean, you encountered challenging times through your life.
Yeah. Sure.
Through, you know, through your whole Christian life even, but not maybe to the point that you felt you needed comfort
Right.
From Him.
Right. Until. Until this. Yeah. And again, I didn't really know what that looked like, or what that would be like, but when I read this scripture and saw that He was the God of all comfort, then that did something on the inside of me, because all of a sudden I realized He's not condemning me for grieving.
He's not mad at me for being disappointed. No, He comes alongside of me and He, in a sense, puts His arm around me. Yeah. And that's a beautiful, beautiful thing, is that he is the God of all comfort, so when we're hurting, he comes alongside of us and holds us, puts his arm around us, and I don't wanna get ahead of myself, but even weeps with us when we weep.
You know, just read a scripture here a little bit ago from Isaiah 41 and in verse 9 at the end of it, well, the whole thing says, I've called you back from the ends of the earth saying you are my servant. But at the end of this verse, it says, for I have chosen you and I will not throw you away.
Praise God.
Yeah. Ain't that beautiful? I mean, even when we feel like we're on the trash heap because everything has just fallen apart. He said he will not throw us away because He's, we are valuable to him.
Oh, yeah.
He loves us so much.
He does. He loves us with an unending love. We know all the scriptures, for God so loved the world that he gave his only son. You know, nothing can separate us from his love. But you're right. I mean, when you're hurting that bad and when, when you've had a a devastating loss and in addition, a disappointment. In God. That's pretty you know, God, what happened? God, you know, why? You know, how could this have happened?
We prayed, we sought you, what's what's the deal? You know, we went through all that, you guys. We went through all of that. And we were upset, we were mad, we didn't wanna talk to Him because we just felt like He disappointed us. But again, we understand theologically that He was not withholding both healing, we were dealing with other factors in the spirit realm, in the natural realm that were fighting against us, and we just didn't win this battle.
But it wasn't God that we were fighting, and it wasn't his fault, and so we knew that, but at the same time, we were just so confused and so hurting. But you know, when someone is hurting, for someone to go and put their arm around them and say, I'm with you in this, I I love you, I'm with you in this, you know, that's that's the kinda comfort that it says here, the God of all comfort. And Paul goes on to say, in the next verse, verse four, he said, who comforts us in all of our trouble. So Paul, here he is, he's been through all kinds of difficult situations, he's been beaten, he's been stoned. I think we talked a lot about this in the last podcast, I read through a whole list of all the things that he had been through, left shipwrecked, and his friends turned against him, all kinds of crazy stuff, and yet he said, God is the one who comforts me in my trouble.
And then he goes on to say that we might comfort others with the same comfort. And so that's huge of Paul to say, you know, God comforted me, so I'm gonna comfort you. But nonetheless, I think it's just a beautiful thought to know that no matter what we go through, He loves us, and that He is there to comfort us.
Can I just read this this other passage?
Please.
It's a continuation of the one that I just, spoke about, I've chosen you and will not throw you away. And then it goes on in Isaiah 41 verse 10. Don't be afraid for I am with you.
Yeah. There you go.
Don't be discouraged for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Yeah. And, you know, especially when we're in that place especially in the early weeks and months and days, you know, we just feel like we can't even get out of bed in the morning.
Right.
And especially if we don't have a particular reason to. But God is there to strengthen you and help you with with this journey that you're walking through.
Yes.
Thank God. He is a God of all comfort.
Yes. He is. And and his presence is his comfort. Like you said, I will be with you.
You know, and again, we didn't feel His presence at the time. We didn't feel anything but pain and hurt and discouragement. But that's the thing about a loving God, a loving Father, is that when you're hurting and you're disappointed, you know, to have, to know that God can come and just hold you and hug you, and in fact, even carry you, as you talked about, He won't reject us. But another scripture that, it's just simple scriptures, but again, they just affirm that what I'm going through, I'm not alone, and that he's not rebuking me for it, you know? And that's what I think we need to encourage people a lot, because we had a friend of ours call us who's a woman of God, she lost her husband, and she she was a strong woman of God, she knew God, she knew faith, she knew Jesus loved her, And and one day she called us crying.
And it was like eight or nine months after her husband passed away.
That's right.
It wasn't like eight or nine days or weeks. It was several months later.
Yeah. And she called and she was just crying and said, I know I'm not supposed to be crying. I know God loves me. I know the Lord, but I just miss Britt. I miss my husband so much. And I come home to an empty house and and I just, the pain of of the loss is is beyond words. She went on and on and on.
She was feeling so bad.
She was feeling guilty.
Yeah.
Yeah. For mourning, for grieving over the loss of her loved one.
Oh, almost like if, you know, if you really have the victory in the Lord and you really trust God and you're really in faith and all this, your emotions are just, you know, carnal.
Right. They're just even demonic.
Well, yeah. Take it another step. Some people look at it that way too.
Right.
But what did we say to her?
Oh, we said cry all you want. I said, in fact, it's healthy to cry. When you're grieving and mourning over the loss of a loved one, really tears is is really a part of your love for them. The more you loved, the more you grieve, the more you hurt, the more you love, the more you mourn, the more you love, the more you cry. And we found that true, I think I mentioned the last time or in one of the podcasts that I went to our doctor and I said, I need some help, I'm crying all the time, I can't stop crying.
And he said, Charlie, it's normal, you know. And he encouraged me, you know, not to get on drugs, but to just let it flow, let it We wrote that song, Let It Flow, talking about the Holy Spirit, need to let the rivers of tears, just let it flow, let it come out. I mean, like we've discussed, there are many times that grief would build up in our hearts, it would just be getting worse, and we'd start to get irritable, And then I would realize this is grief. And I would just go into my study and I would just get on my knees and I would just break and I would just cry. And I mean, I'd give a gusher of tears and brokenness.
It would last maybe five, maybe ten minutes. And then I'd get up and I'd go, I feel better. Yeah. I feel better. I feel good. I feel good now.
It's like a cleansing. It's a cleansing.
Yes, I needed to do that. It was and it didn't hurt me. It didn't make me go backwards in my grief journey. In fact, it moved me forward in my healing. That's what's so amazing. It moved me forward in my healing.
There is healing in grieving.
There is. And to know that he is with us, that he loves us, Matthew 5:4, "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted."
That's right.
Isn't that something? Is that a beatitude, right?
Mhmm.
Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.
Jesus said-
He didn't say, I rebuke you if you mourn. No. He said, blessed, blessed, blessed are those who mourn.
Wow. You know, we wrote about in our book about this this man named Colin Murray Parks and one of one of the quotes from this book which has become so famous is pain at loss or heartache or, you know, the crying over, you know, mourning and all that. It's the price we pay for love. Yes. The more we love someone, the more we grieve over losing them on this side of heaven.
That's right. That's true.
It's love. It's it's part of your the love that you have for them being released and, you know, manifested.
Yeah, and thank God for his comfort to help us through all this. It doesn't mean that His comfort is gonna make us not cry anymore, not give- It just means that He's gonna put a blanket over us of love, put His arms around us, carry us through these difficult times, and He will walk with us.
Yes.
You know, like you wrote that song.
He walks With Me Through Valleys.
Yeah.
He carries me when my heart is faint.
Yeah. It's a beautiful song. We need to play that one for for you guys sometime.
Yeah, it's called So Thankful. If like to look it up somewhere, it's called So Thankful.
Your Love Remains album. But nonetheless, He does walk with us and He doesn't rebuke us, He walks with us through the valley, is this in Psalm 23, it's even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me, you know? So through these difficult times, through these painful times, He does walk with us, and we got so much more to share about this that we will be sharing in the next episode, and the next episode after that, but we just wanted to emphasize the God of all comfort today, and we have a special song.
Yeah, we have a song called The God of All Comfort that we wrote after our son passed away
Mhmm.
When we began to experience the God of all comfort. So we're going to play a nature video for you that we put together. It's just beautiful scenes from nature as the song plays. And but before we go there, we hope that you enjoyed this talk that we were able to share with you today and please subscribe to the podcast if you haven't already and and select notifications so you'll never miss an episode and please share it with someone that you feel needs to hear this.
Because we just want our hearts are to reach hurting people to just help bring healing to help prepare a bed of that that wouldn't be conducive to the healing flow of the Lord's love to you. So, and then also we want to mention our book. It's called When Loss Comes Close to Home and it's, as John Tesh said, I don't know if you got to see the second interview we did with him, or maybe it was the third one. He said, this book is like a Swiss army knife to help people get through grief and then to help others know how to walk with their hurting friend. And it's just full of a lot of practical instruction, practical stories, practical tips that will help you get through what you're going through and help the other ones know how to help you better.
That's right.
So it's very useful. You can get it. You can go to our website, charlieandjill.com. All that's down below. We've got an audio and downloadable ebook.
Yeah. So what a blessing. Thank you so much for being with us today, and really stay tuned for this song. Again, listen to it, let us know how you like it.
And let the Lord just minister to your heart as it plays.
Yeah, and then also, if watching it, you'll enjoy it as well. So God bless you. We love you so much. Thank you for joining us. We'll see you next time.