Welcome to the nourishing. Amy podcast. I'm Amy Rankin. I am an emotional intelligence and life coach as Speaker, a Creator, and a wellness. Chaser, I have created this podcast for you to learn how 'but mindset changes and get really actionable. Takeaways to find out who you are, what lights you up, how you can love yourself again and how to live your best life. Give yourself the space to welcome in more self-care and
confidence. Reduce feelings like overwhelm and stress and let find your sparkle again. Are you ready? Let's do it. Hello and welcome to episode 87 of the nourishing, Amy podcast, for the next few episodes. I'm going to be talking about relationships now, that doesn't have to mean that you're in a romantic relationship. This could relate to any relationship that you have in your life. I have been creating a master class workbook.
So, for those of you that don't know, the structure of the program that we have at, bu Do one-on-one sessions with my coaching clients but they also have access to weekly workshops. So there's different topics relating to basically every area of life. So you've got like career, finances relationships, self-care, body image, all of
that kind of stuff. And then they also have one Master Class session a month as well that they have access to so a master class session He's basically like a deep dive and my master class session that I'm running in September is on how to overcome conflict in relationships. Because let's be honest, we're all human. So there is going to be conflict that does come up in relationships and to be able to navigate that well can make the
absolute world of difference. Because conflict doesn't have to mean that you're having a massive If disagreement or fight, it can just mean that there's a differing of opinions or perspectives and to be able to move through that effectively is life-changing. And it can really mean the difference between a quality friendship or relationship and the diff, and the difference then between that friendship or relationship potentially breaking down in the midst of
some conflict. So, before I jump into all of that, I will give you my recommendations for the week. I've had I did a question box. Over on my Instagram last week and I had a heap of questions coming through which I answered but lots of them were around what podcasts. I like to listen to, I think because at the moment if you're listening to this when this episode goes to are there's a lot of Australia at the moment that's in lockdown.
And so that makes it a little bit restricted with the things that we can and can't do with our time. And I know for me I listen to podcasts on overdrive. Like I always have a podcast on and I feel like other people are kind of a little bit, the same. Now that we are at home a little bit more often, there's less opportunity to be catching up with friends and family and things like that in person. So I thought I'd give you some of my podcast recommendations.
Now, if you don't like crime podcasts, you're probably not going to like these recommendations and I do have, to be honest. It's weird since Ali's been born. A crime podcast kind of freaked me out, but if you do like crime podcast, these recommendations are going to be your jam. So if you have Stan, you would have seen the series. Dr. Death on Stan.
It's a new series. I think it's in six parts and it's about a doctor in America. A few years ago, who was doing really, really terrible surgeries on his patients and Some mental health issues and all of that kind of stuff. So it's very interesting actually, you know what? If you listen to that podcast, the podcast is literally Called dr. Death as well.
If you do listen to that podcast, I would love to know what your perspective is at the end because for the first few episodes I was, so one way and one perspective and then towards the end of the podcast, I was kind of questioning my perspective on it a little bit and I was like, do I really I think that now so it would be funny. Send me a message if you do listen to the podcast.
So I actually forgot to mention. So yes, the series is on Stan but the actual it's based off the podcast and the the news articles and all of that kind of stuff. Sorry. I totally just my brain just stops working some time since I've had Ali. It's like I know what I'm trying to say but the words just don't come out base. Two on the news articles and the case that was around it because it's all been going through the
legal system. I think actually when I was listening to the podcast probably like 3 years ago now, it was actually still going through court at the time while I was listening to the podcast and I was like, wow, this is super hectic. So that's my first recommendation. S 1 is case File. I know a lot of people have heard of case File but it's interesting because there's so many different varied types. Types of cases that they talk about. So that's another one and my third one.
I think I may have spoken about this already on the podcast before, but I catch Killers with Gary jubilant. I find that one really interesting. It's a bit of a different type of crime podcast if you're not into like listening to previous crimes that have happened and all the Gory details and stuff like that, that's the reason why I like I catch Killers because he actually interviews different detectives that have worked on high-profile.
Is and they do discuss the cases but it's interesting to hear the perspective from a detective's point of view. So they're my three podcast recommendations for this week in the next episode. I'll give you some other podcasts that are like a bit more light and fun to listen to, but I thought I'll break it up because yeah, like I said that there's so many podcast episodes that podcast, sorry, that I listen to. I actually have a blog post about this as well over on my website.
So if you head over to Amy rank and.com, There's a blog post there with all of my favorite podcasts. I've got it broken into different like, themes or topics of each podcast and, yeah, so you can go and read that. Alright, let's jump into what I'm going to be talking about today. So really getting clear on how you can actively listen and what active listening actually is,
and how it can benefit you. And I'm going to give you three, Honorable takeaways that you can start to implement today to have more constructive and in-depth conversations and hopefully by the by your conversations, being more constructive and more in-depth in your relationships. It means that you're really creating those beautiful moments that you can move through different conversations, and perspectives and opinions. Even if it means that you are finishing a conversation, still
not being on the same page. It doesn't mean that you have to have the same opinion and perspective as the other person. So first of all, I really want you to think about the quality of the conversations that you have been having. So when you sit down to have a conversation with somebody and especially at the moment, whether that is in person or over the phone or FaceTime or Zoom, or whatever it is. Are you really listening or are you just hearing what they're
saying? Because I feel like there's a really big difference here. Here, when you're just hearing the person talk, you're aware of what their words are and what they're saying, but you're not actually being really active in that conversation, you're not actively listening.
So let's go over some of these tips and ways that you can actually practice active listening and these three actionable takeaways to get you feeling like, you're on the right path and really having some constructive conversations in your relationships. So, my first one for you is to be really present. So, I mean, like obviously, if you're on your phone, don't turn your phone off, but like don't be scrolling on your phone while you're talking, you know what I
mean? If you're with somebody in person, put your laptop away, put your phone away, maybe put your phone on, do not disturb and just be really present with that person show that person, the respect that you would expect from them. If you were trying to sit down and have an important conversation or you know what not even an important conversation, just any conversation in general if you Expect that respect from them, show them the same respect. I think with these things, it's
kind of thinking about. Well, if you were sitting down to have a conversation with somebody, that might be your parents, your sister, your brother, your family members, friends, your children, work colleagues. Think about something that they could do that might annoy you. So maybe you notice that someone in your life does get distracted with their phone. Maybe you feel like they interrupt you when you're talking maybe Feel like you're not fully heard in these conversations.
When you think about those things that annoy you, that's a really good indicator that they are some red flags that come up for you and things that you can start to be aware of within yourself and notice do. I actually also do these things from time to time as well? So more specifically, like I said, I want to talk about how to resolve conflict, and like I said, also that doesn't have to be extreme conflict. It doesn't have to be like an escalated argument or a fight.
Fight but it could just be that you're having a conversation with somebody and you don't necessarily agree with their perspective or what they're trying to say. So my first tip like I said is to be really present. My second tip is when you are listening and when you are sitting with that person, are you being mindful that while you're actually in that conversation? So are you listening to them so that you can understand their perspective? And what they're trying to say?
Or are you just listening so that you can respond? So, this is very different to tip number one that I was talking about tip, number one, and actionable. Takeaway. Number one is really more based around like not being distracted in the conversation. By things like, Ecology or not being super present. Tip number two and actionable, take about takeaway. Number two, is yes, being present, but actively listening, so that you can understand their perspective.
Instead of just listening and sitting there creating a response in your head already and this could be like, you might have a million other things happening in your head that you're like, oh, but what about this?
What about that? This is my counter argument or this Is my perspective on this thing that they're talking about and you can see that by really starting that conversation in your own head about what they're saying you're actually not being present with them and their conversation it's like you're just listening so that you can then re but what they're trying to say so just because you're listening to them speak and you're understanding what they're saying.
It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to fully wholeheartedly agree with what they're saying either. It's not, I'm not saying that you're agreeing with a certain belief or opinion. Perspective, it just means that you are going into that conversation with an open mind and an open heart and you're being more receptive to what
they're talking about. Instead of going into a conversation with preconceived ideas or expectations, you can purely go into it with the expectation that I adjust want to listen to what this person has to say. And I also would like to feel heard and get what I would like to say off my chest as well. So that's actually Anibal takeaway number two is to actually really listen and not think about what you want your responses to be just purely sit and listen to that person actionable.
Takeaway number three is to approach a conversation with curiosity and compassion instead of judgment.
And this one is funny because when I was researching, this topic, this is something that I speak about with all of my clients, especially when we're doing things like workshops and learn new tools, if you're in the transform program and you've been watching any of the live sessions that I've been doing last week and one of the main things that I talked about is the idea that when you're learning, new mindset changes and tools to be able to implement in your life, a lot of
the time, they there can be judgment for yourself coming up because when I'm teaching you something new generally you need to create awareness around that action or that pattern that's happening for you first because you can't Change something, unless you're aware of it. So sometimes for example, you might have listened to, let's just say the mindset podcast series that I did a few weeks ago, and you might have been listening to one of those episodes and thinking to
yourself. Well, now I've noticed that I do this mindset thinking pattern a lot and instead of just being curious and noticing where that comes up for you, you come from a place of judgment towards yourself. So you might have noticed, judgment coming up towards you and you're like, damn it. I notice I do. All the time or I really noticed that I do that here and here and you start talking down to yourself and creating some
negative self-talk. This same can be said for conversations with other people as well. So this is really going to play a big part in your relationships and your conversations that In the Heat of the Moment. It can feel difficult to come from a place of compassion towards somebody else. If you're really fully wholeheartedly, not agreeing with what they're saying, But sometimes this might actually mean giving each other some
space first. So you might go and have a shower and listen to some music or put a podcast on, you might put a candle on or do a face mask, maybe you go for a walk or you get up and go and sit outside and have a cup of tea, or a glass of wine or a cup of coffee, you might do some journaling to get clear on how you're feeling and why you're feeling that way. But all of these tools, what they are actually going to do is to give you the space.
To process your emotion. First before you go and have a conversation about it because if both of you, let's just say, for example, you're both feeling like you're like an eight or nine out of ten emotion towards the conversation and the topic, there's a good chance that. Yeah, it probably is going to end in the more extreme end of conflict or disagreement.
Whereas, if you give yourself and the other person, the opportunity to have some space, give yourself the chance to think about how you're feeling, why you're feeling like that. That how you can actively Express that? Well and calmly that way. You can then go into the conversation, feeling a little lighter.
So maybe that emotion that you were feeling towards the conversation has now because you've given yourself some space reduced to maybe like a four or a five out of ten and you're not feeling as reactive and when you're feeling less reactive
that's really. When you can start to approach these conversations from that place of compassion like I'm talking about and really active listening in that even if You do disagree with whatever the other person is saying or the conversation topic, you give yourself the opportunity to just purely sit and listen, and come back to that.
Thought process of, I know that everybody has a different opinion and perspective and not everybody has to have the same opinion and perspective as me if you know that you want to be heard in a conversation. There's a good chance that your partner or whoever the other person is that you're talking to
also wants to be heard. So if you can create that space for both of you, To do that in a compassionate and caring way for each other, it's so much more likely that it's going to be a productive conversation that you're having. So that's my three actionable, takeaways for you and how to really start to move through conflict in your relationships. So number one is to be present and really listening in that
conversation. So not being distracted with your phone with Netflix with scrolling with other things actionable, take away. Number 2 is again, active listening. But not listening so that you can respond, you are just listening and being present with that person and giving them the respect that they deserve. So that they can also then in turn give you this, but respect that you deserve and that you are just listening instead of thinking about what you want to respond with.
And number three is to approach the conversation with curiosity and compassion instead of judgment. So, try to go into the conversation with as little to no expectation as Abel and if you are going to go in with expectation set that on yourself, rather than the other person, because you guys would have heard me talk about. So often before expectation leads to disappointment. And when you are setting expectations on someone or something else, there is the chance that you are going to
feel disappointed or let down. So if you are bringing that expectation back to you and what you want to be taking action on in that conversation and it might purely just be my Chin, is that I go over and start talking to this person in my life about this conversation topic or this thing that has come up for me because that's important to me to be able to talk to them about that. And then, can you see that by
setting that expectation? The only thing that you're wanting to do there and the only thing that you want to get out of that is to sit down and talk with that person about something. If you can do that, you're not setting an expectation on how they're going to respond what their opinions or perspectives are You can leave that conversation knowing that I met my expectation because that was on me and I did that I actioned that. So there you have it. You guys.
I've got a few other tips that I have come a long while I've been doing my research for this master class. So, I will give you another topic next week with regards to overcoming conflict in relationships and keep an ear out on Thursday for my next therapy Thursday session as well. Have a beautiful afternoon. If you liked this episode, I would love for you to screenshot and tag me on Instagram. You guys have no idea how much that absolutely makes my day. I get such a big smile on my
face. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today and I hope that you have got them something from this episode. If you want to hang out more you can search the nourishing, Amy podcast community in Facebook
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When you subscribe and leave a review on whatever app it is, that you listen to this podcast on, I am just a little independent podcaster and every subscriber and review helps my podcast to be seen and heard. Heard by more people and to help more people get their Sparkle back. Thank you again, so much for being with me and have a fantastic day.