Welcome to the nourishing. Amy podcast. I'm Amy Rankin. I am an emotional intelligence and life coach as Speaker, a Creator, and a wellness. Chaser, I have created this podcast for you to learn how 'but mindset changes and get really actionable. Takeaways to find out who you are, what lights you up, how you can love yourself again and how to live your best life. Give yourself the space to welcome in more self-care and
confidence. Reduce feelings like overwhelm and stress and let find your sparkle again. Are you ready? Let's do it. Hello and welcome to episode 115 of the nourishing, Amy podcast. And this is also episode 2 of the mum rage Series. So today I am going to be talking to you about sensory overload and sensory overstimulation. And what that is I'm going to be talking to you about their definitions and some different ways that you might notice this
coming up for you. And I'm also of course, going to be giving you some different tools and tips and Ways that you can be feeling more. Like, look, the best way that I can describe it because this is something that is so common for me. I would say if not at least
every second day at minimum. I noticed this coming up for me not necessarily all the time on like, you know, level 10 out of 10 but it's definitely something that I notice even if it's just like kind of humming away in the background that I noticed, okay? I'm starting to feel a bit over stimulated hero really when it gets to that 10 out of 10, I'm like I can't take anymore, you know, noise or information through my senses.
I feel like I'm about to explode and that's a really common reactive behavior when we are feeling very overloaded through all of our senses, and we feel over stimulated. Now, if you haven't listened to episode 1 in the mum rage series, it is the episode before this one. So number 114 and I spoke all about the mental load and what that could look. And feel like for you.
And basically it's all of the open tabs that you can have in your brain that can lead you to be feeling really overwhelmed, maybe stressed and you might notice some of those reactive behaviors coming up for you in those instances as well. So like I was explaining in the last episode this whole series and all of these episodes coming up. I'm actually not too sure. How many there's going to be?
Probably about seven or eight. All of the episodes are really going to come together to help you to Extend the different aspects that can come into play for you to be feeling like you have that Mum Rage or those reactive behaviors, that can come up for you. That sometimes can feel a little bit, like, whoa, I don't even know where that came from. I feel like I just absolutely exploded and that wasn't necessarily my intention. You might notice some guilt
coming up after that as well. And so we're going to be looking at what out of all of these episodes in these factors that can come into play. Do you resonate with or You notice coming up for you and what can you actually be doing to move through them, to be more aware of these things.
So that instead of getting to that 10/10 point that you are at that exploding, real reactive behavior that maybe you can start to notice these feelings coming up for you, maybe when we're at, like a three or four out of ten or five out of ten that it's like okay I'm noticing this coming up. This is also why because I have the awareness of like I am feeling really overwhelmed or I do.
You have? I do feel like I've got 15 different tabs open in my brain today and I've really overcommitted myself and my mental load, is just feeling a lot. Or there's a lot of things that have been happening. There's a lot of noise that's happening around me. And I'm feeling a bit agitated or frustrated before we get to the point of I'm about to explode. Now, before I jump into all of the content for today, of course, I'm going to give you my
recommendation for this episode. Now, I actually have two recommendations for this. Third there is super relevant to the specific topic of sensory overload and overstimulation. The very first one is an Instagram account. Her name on Instagram is Anna, the anxiety coach. So, if you search enter the anxiety coach, she will come up and she has such great. Great content. So she has fantastic reals, she's got really informative.
Carousels. The reason I like her reels is because she does a lot of the practices and shows a lot of the practices that she's commending physically in the real and you can see her doing it. So it gives you a really good visual of like, okay. If I was to try this specific tool for myself, this is what it would look like and also how carousels like I said very informative.
There's a lot of different information and different tools and mindset changes and things like that that you can be starting to bring in. But she also explains why they can be beneficial and how they can be useful as well. So really focusing. A lot on things like serotonin and dopamine hormones. Those kind of happy, feel-good hormones and how we can get them happening.
A little more often. Things like reducing anxiety, things like re-regulating, our nervous system, really focusing on things like the vagus nerve, feeling less, anxious, feeling less reactive, all of those types of things. So if you are looking for some different ways that you can really proactively and quite easily as well.
Be including some of these different practices in your days and some of them honestly will take you like 20 seconds to do honestly like this is the reason why I love her page so much as well and why I really you know you guys know I always talk about making these things that you're incorporating into your
days. Making these new tools that you're bringing into your habits in your routines, feel easy, accessible, and achievable because if I was to say to you, okay, I want you to go and scroll through and his Instagram page and pick. Five things that you think could really resonate with you and give them a go this week. If those five things are going to take you 10 minutes, each automatically your brains. Just like, oh, no.
It's too much. I don't have an extra 50 minutes in my days for me to be incorporating these things. So that's another reason why I really enjoy her content. Now, I actually have given a few quite a few of my clients recommendations to go over and have a look at her videos or I'll regularly send some of her videos and reels. Or carousels through to them. And say this is what we're talking about in our one-on-one session this week.
These are the tools, this is what it would actually look like for you to implement this. Or this is what we were talking about, so she's just fantastic. I can't speak any more highly of her. I really love her page, so go and check out and of the anxiety coach on Instagram. If you noticed that, reactive behavior is something that's coming up for you, and also a book recommendation that I have
is the highly sensitive person. So The reason that this is a recommendation, I haven't actually personally read this book myself but when I was doing research for this specific topic of that sensory overload and overstimulation, this books was coming up a lot. There was a lot of different pages that were recommending it a lot of different blog posts and things like that that we're recommending it. And I thought there has to be something in this here.
But I really liked a quote, that was from the book that says parents who are constantly over stimulated run, the risk of exploding and acting out in anger, with their children, and Recent research shows that they're more likely to suffer from burnout, self care has become a buzzword now, but it's always been crucial for highly, sensitive mums, and dads, and I
really loved that idea. You, if you have listened to any of my other episodes on things like self care taking time for yourself, all of those kinds of things that I talked very regularly about self-care being a buzzword and it's like that
idea. I don't know if you have gotten onto the different hashtags and things like that over on Tick-Tock or Instagram of like that girl routines and it's like, you know, baked being that girl and I actually don't even know how to explain that girl, but it's like all the classic like, you know, making your bed reading a book.
It's going and sitting out in the sun with a coffee, like all of the stuff and, yes, all of those things are really beneficial but it's like it's become popular now, Now to be, including all of these different things without actually really being intentional with them. It's like I'm just doing this because you know, Instagram tells me I should but it's like, well, hang on. Can we focus on?
Okay, if you are going to choose to make your bed every day, be present with that thing that you're doing and think about, like, I feel so much better. Like, I feel cleaner. I felt idea. I feel like I've got my life together a little bit. If I've liked made my bed, and done my skincare in the morning, or if you are having a cup of tea and sitting down to do some Delaying or to do a quick meditation in the morning. Why are you actually doing that?
Be present with that activity? Instead of just doing all the popular or like Buzzy things? And like she says, it's always been crucial. Yes, it's a buzzword but it's always been crucial for highly sensitive mums, and dads, and really thinking about there's a reason behind why?
I am taking time for myself. Let's say, for example, you've chosen to things from Anna's Instagram, Ain't that you want to be incorporating or implementing into your routines for the day remembering when you're doing them. There's a reason why I'm doing this. And it's really important for me to be present with this thing while I'm doing it. Not just making it another tick box for the day because it's going to help me to feel less
explosive to feel less. Like I'm about to have this reactive behavior and have that explode out onto everybody else around me. So, let's have a look. At some definitions and I really want to talk to you guys as well about some questions or answers and responses that came through over on my Instagram as well. Because I have to be honest, I was having a bit of a morning. Ali was really sick last week and we've got all of the things going around.
I'm sure you guys are very familiar, but we've got our SV. We've got hand foot and mouth, we've got influenza, we've got the big see. All of the things are going around and Ali was just really unwell turns out. He had bronchitis Titus. And so he was very clingy. So I'm going to be talking to you about all the different ways that we can notice feeling sensory overload or overstimulation, but he was very clingy.
He was quite windy who's very upset and he just wasn't feeling himself and it was like 8:30 a.m. and I was just like, oh my God, we've only been up for, you know, an hour and a half two hours. And I already feel like I'm at My Breaking Point, like just the overstimulation all of the noise and the touch and the, you know, we want to think about all of our different senses and how we can take in a lot of
information. So, sensory overload happens when something around us overstimulates one or more of our senses. So some different examples of that might be that there might be allowed TV on. Maybe there's clutter around your house it could be a windy child or a crying baby maybe E. It's a crowded room or you walk into say a cafe or a room. And there's a smell that you don't particularly like suddenly there's too much information coming through your senses for your brain, to be able to
process all of that all at once. So it could be one of those things but it could be a whole host of those things as well. So it's funny, I was talking to my Grandma over the weekend because I went to pick her up and drop her back home and I was asking How she was feeling and how she was doing in, my paw wasn't at home and I said, oh, you feeling a little bit lonely, or do you get bored if past not at home and she laughed?
And she said, no, it's actually so peaceful because the TV's not on all the radios, not on, and I can just have some space for my brain and it's just nice and quiet and peaceful and I laughed. And I said, oh my gosh, that's so funny. You say that because I'm exactly the same and Aaron's the exact opposite. So Aaron's very much like my par in that, you know, he if he's doing work around the house. He'll have the TV on just like I was background noise. Like white noise kind of thing
and he'll he won't care. It'll just be like a random TV show, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, the office, whatever, or some music playing in the background. And for me, I think because I noticed that especially when all is around, if it's not a daycare day, there's a lot more noise. He's got his toys is got like, you know, all of the things happening and that him himself making all of the noise and smashing everything around that.
When I do have an Eddie that maybe he's having a nap or he is at daycare that I do really enjoy that peace and quiet. And I definitely agree with my grandma when she says it's peaceful and it's like my brain has some space. So it's it. Like I said, it can be multiples of these things. Maybe it is that the TV's on and that there's a windy child or a crying baby or that there's a lot of people around, you know, all of the different things that
can be happening. And like that example that I was giving for myself the other Morning, there was multiple different things happening for me, there that the sound, the physical touch, and just like the general like neediness and clinginess, and my needs being so out words of my self in those moments. And I'm sure that anyone that's had a sick child or just a child, in general can resonate with some of these different moments. Now, like I said, I popped a pole.
And also question box up on my Instagram. Now, in the poll, It was literally just a selfie of me and I said, I just explained how I was feeling and that I was feeling really over stimulated and asked if anybody else ever gets the same or feels the same 100% of responses over on Instagram said that they felt the same 100%.
There was over 75 responses to that and I thought I really want to share that because I hope that that helps you to feel a little more normal because I know that when I get to the point of exploding, Aiding and like I just can't take it anymore. I also get that Mom guilt, that comes straight after that. And I feel so bad and I also feel like, why doesn't anybody? Why doesn't anybody else talk about this? Why doesn't this happen to
anybody else? You know, all of those different types of thoughts can start to come up and I mean in my line of work, of course I know that this happens with other people, but in the moment it feels really big. So 100% of those responses over on Instagram. First said that they feel the same Now some comments that I got as well because then after that I put up a question box and just said, do you have any comments or do you have any questions things that you would like me to run through?
So a few DM's came through a few questions and comments, someone said my own anxiety means sometimes there's so much noise in my brain already that I snap at the kids when they make a small amount of noise and it feels all too much. And I thought that was a really interesting point noticing that this response in this response, she was She notices that even when she's already feeling anxious that, it's like everything's already heightened to.
There's already noise in my brain or maybe like I was talking about earlier, that mental load is already starting to build up and build up. And this is why I've decided to break these topics down into different episodes because honestly, there's just way too many factors that come into play with this, to put them Just in one episode.
So I think Different layers of things, like Shrek and the onion different layers of things can be happening at any one time that is contributing to this mum rage. So we can have the mental noise or the mental load happening. And then, even when we've got a small amount of noise like this responder was saying that it just feels like it's just all too much and then she also notices that she feels guilty
after that as well. I also had someone DM me and Say that she actually has sensory processing disorder. And so basically what that means is there's two different types of sensory processing disorder or sensory processing in general, we have sensory seeking and we have sensory avoidance. So sensory seeking is people that like life to be loud.
They like the messy play, they don't care if things are untidy, they like all the bright colors and they don't mind if things might It feel to somebody else over stimulating, they really Thrive off that and sensory avoidance is essentially the exact opposite of that. Now interestingly what this beautiful responder was saying is that she is sensory avoidant. So she's the opposite of those things. She likes that peace and quiet. She likes things.
She feels a lot more calm when things are tidy and things like that. But her child is sensory seeking and so her Old is the opposite of that and loves all of the noise and the messy play and getting untidy and all of those
different types of things. And so I think it's really interesting when we can recognize something coming up for us again, like I was saying earlier bringing that awareness to it of. Okay, I can see what's happening here and sometimes that's one of the biggest steps that we can take is to create that awareness. Create that understanding for ourselves of like I recognize
why I'm feeling like this. And this is what I'm actually going to be able to do about it. Now I had another comment come through that said I'm not a mom but I I still get like this, can you explain what it is? And how to avoid it? The reason I wanted to include that one in the podcast is because this 100% is not only related to mums or parents, anybody can feel sensory overload. So yes I can definitely explain what it is and I can definitely talk about how we can avoid it as well.
Things that we can do to feel more calm again go and check out and the anxiety coach if you are looking for some really quick fire ways that you can look at avoiding and then I also had another comment come through. That said, excessive questions, FML. And that was something that they were noticing, makes them feel overloaded or over stimulated. Again, that would be an aspect of the noise or the sound since the hearing sense. It's sorry that, you know, it's
like the questions. The questions, the questions. Oh my gosh. Like now I'm feeling overwhelmed. Now I'm feeling over stimulated. Why do I have to keep answering all of these questions? And I'm sure again anybody that has a child or has been around child, especially around, of course, like once they can talk. So, you know, that, two, three, four, five age group will really be able to resonate with that. It's funny one of the examples that we use when we're teaching the five.
Why's Theory and how this can be really beneficial literally the example that we use is like think about a three or four year old child and one of their most common or favorite questions is and everybody that has been around a three or four year old child will say. But why? And that's how we teach the five wise theory. If I'm doing a group Workshop is, well, that's exactly what I want you to do. Now, when you are doing something like say, for example, setting a goal set your goal,
right? Your goal out at the top of the page, but then I want you to ask yourself, why five times and Get deeper. So it can be a very beneficial practice when you're doing it for yourself. But it can also be something that does feel really overwhelming when it's it's not voluntary or when you're not choosing the questions to to answer yourself. Now, really most of the time it can be easy enough to escape the discomfort that we're feeling if it's a personal sense of
overwhelm or The stimulation. So say, for example you notice that you're at a party or you're in a really crowded room, you could choose to leave that party or leave that crowded room. Or if we use that example of walking into that Cafe, all that room and you didn't like a particular smell, you could get up and you could choose to leave that room or maybe it's that the
TV's really loud. Your partner's got the TV on and you're like, okay, well, I'm going to go and have a shower or cook dinner or whatever that you can choose to leave that. Room, leave the TV turn the TV off. Ask someone to turn the TV down, but as you know, you can't control everything especially other people and especially your
children. The only things that you can control is your thoughts, your feelings, your behaviors, and your physiology, which also means that everybody else's thoughts, feelings behaviors and Physiology is outside of your control and that also includes your children. And yes, everyone, Surround you. Now there was a really cool example. Like just a very simple real. Life example of this that I was like, oh wow, I've never thought
about it like that before. Let's say for example that you need to go to the bathroom and you're out at the shops so you need to use the public bathroom. When you walk in there, you may not even notice but these things are happening. These noises and things are happening around you. You've got the noise of the hand dryers. Maybe there's the actual smell of the bathroom. There may be some other people in there that are talking and maybe their voices are echoing. So we've got the noise of the
hand. Dryers the smell of the bathroom there, echoing voices, that can all feel overwhelming, and that can lead to a sensory overload, not just in adults, but in children as well, especially in children, we can notice that they feel quite sensory overloaded when they're also acting out and that might feel frustrating for you because their behavior is causing you to also feel overloaded or
overstimulated. But when you think about some of these things, especially if it's a younger child that they're experiencing, they may have never experienced before. So not only are they trying to process the actual situation or circumstances in front of them, but they're also Trying to process through all of their different sensors, what's happening as well, and that can feel really overwhelming for them. So you also can have in this
public restroom. That there's a lot of things that are operating automatically, like, outside of your control. The toilets are flushing without anybody flushing them sometimes. Like, if there's someone next to you or a few doors over from you, there could be the hand dryers going on without you actually doing anything. Someone else is drying. Their hands. There's a lot of stuff happening in that, you know, maybe 25 minutes space of time. And that's such a simple
example. And the reason that I wanted to bring that into this episode is because if we think about that as a really, really basic example of something that could happen while we're out and about, we can extend that and then start to think about well how many other things are kind of Just Happening automatically around me that I don't have a lot of control over That is causing me to feel over stimulated overwhelmed, really sensory overload.
One of the other things that I really wanted to talk about as well. That can play such a big part in this, is that a lot of the time, especially, if you're a mum, you are running off. The absolute minimum, the bare minimum, you maybe have eaten a few of their food scraps from your kids breakfast, maybe you've had a coffee that Inning. Maybe you have not had a great night's sleep.
Maybe you've been up with the kids or you just haven't slept great because you're feeling a bit overwhelmed, you've got a lot of tabs open in your brain. All of these different things that come into play cause a spike in Adrenaline when we have a spike in our adrenaline and a cortisol and they are heightened, we are more likely to feel like we're on the edge
already. So if you take that into account that your Baseline like you're already running off the absolute minimum, That your body needs to survive and it's such a common thing. You're not nourishing yourself. Well, in this isn't, because you're choosing not to, it's just because some days, this is just what, it's like. I had a post on my Instagram on my story. The other day, I hadn't showered for two days because all he had been so sick and because, you know, everything still needs to
get done around the house. The dinner still needs to be cooked. The house still needs to be cleaned. Ali needs to be looked after and he needs a lot more. More attention and a lot more love and affection when he's not well, my needs. Then automatically start to go down the list.
And it's funny because when we were talking about self-care earlier and I was mentioning that and that, yes, these things are important, it's not that we are never going to have these moments that your self-care goes completely out the window for a few days, or a week or how, you know, however, long it might be. But the really important thing that we also want to remember here is that, it's okay. These things to happen from time
to time. But it's when these are really regular, when you're pushing your own needs down and you are at the very bottom of your own priority list for days and weeks at a time without really being aware of it. That's when we can feel really stressed, really overwhelmed. We can start to get feelings like resentment coming up for you as well. And resentment is a very big, a very big feeling that can really lead to a Lot of reactive
behaviors as well. I did do a podcast episode on resentment but I can't remember what I hear. It is episode 97. So if you notice a resentment, is a feeling that comes up for, you definitely go and have a listen to that. But basically, when you think about running off that bare, minimum what I really want you to consider in making a change to that, that doesn't feel like
okay. I've got to sit down and have like, you know, my big breakfast and Hydrate with Her and doing all the things and, you know, taking half an hour for myself in the morning. If that doesn't feel achievable limit your coffee, so I don't mean that you need to cut out coffee altogether, but be aware. That coffee is something that spikes your adrenaline and your cortisol.
So maybe instead of having two or three or I know people that have sometimes four or five coffees a day, maybe you limit that to I'm just going to cut down. I'm going to have one coffee in the morning and then maybe I have a decaf in the afternoon if that's the habit. It that I haven't known you still enjoy that taste of coffee in the afternoon. So you have a decaf tea or Ginger and apple tea, if you follow me on Instagram you would know that's my favorite at the moment.
Eat or snack regularly. So again, if you're just living off the food scraps from your kids, can you proactively make yourself some really easily accessible quick on the go snacks? Maybe you make yourself some Bliss balls or something like that. That you can just grab and go. There's a recipe The that I really really liked using and it was super easy. And I used to make a huge batch of them on a Sunday. They're called oatcakes, I don't even know.
I'd have to go and see where I can find the recipe for you, but it's literally just like eggs banana flower. Maybe Greek yogurt. Anyway, I used it and they're, like, high-protein with the eggs yummy with the flour, the banana. And I used to make a huge batch of them and just Chuck them in the fridge so that I could just like grab a file. Was like on the go grab three or four small little muffins out of the fridge on my way out the door and even eat them in the car while I'm driving.
You know. So again it's not about making these things feel really hard. It's like how can I fit these things into my day that I'm snacking regularly? So my blood sugar levels are more even and limiting coffee so that my adrenaline and my cortisol isn't spiking super regularly during the day through something that I can actually
control. Like your coffee is your Intake is something that you have control over your kids Behavior, not so much right and make some small moments of quiet for your mind. Take 30 seconds, like pull up park, your car, take 10 deep breaths, and then get out of the car again, small, easy, achievable things that you can be doing. So let's have a look at some actual steps and some tools and some mindset changes that you can be bringing in. I've got quite a few, let me
count. One, two, three, four. Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Ten different things that you can be doing. So we already spoke about awareness but this is really your first step you guys will know every episode. You can't change something. If you're not aware of it, sit down and think about for a second. Now what are the things that are contributing to my sensory overwhelm or overload? When am I feeling over
stimulated? When do I feel like I'm about to explode and what happened for me? When was the last time? I felt like I was about to explode or when was the last time that you did explode and maybe you yelled at the kids or you yelled at your partner or you came into your room and you yelled into your pillow? I don't know. Whatever, when was the last time that that happened for you? What led to that? What was happening before that for you?
And we're creating that awareness point that there. No. Okay. Chances are this this and this thing is a contributing factor to me feeling over stimulated or overwhelmed. I'm going to start to be more aware of these things. What if I took a step, you know, a few minutes beforehand before I got to that 10/10 exploding point, a few minutes beforehand. If I was out like a five or ten five out of ten or a 6 out of 10, what was happening for me, there.
Where do I notice it in my body? Like For me it's like I can feel it in my chest I can feel it in my throat it's like it starts rising up and up. I know some of my clients explain it, as I could just feels like this hot sensation, I dislike, this heat that starts to come up. Come up and then all of a sudden, it's like, boom, it's happened, it's out, and I've exploded and now I'm yelling and I don't even know what I'm yelling about.
And then a few minutes later, now I'm feeling bad and I feel guilty for yelling so it can look different for everybody. So creating that Awareness on When was the last time this happened for me. What did it look and feel like what led to that? But also, if I can take a step back for a few minutes, what was going on for me? Where do I feel that physically in my body or sensor Ali in my body? Where do I notice that, and what
what's my physiology? What a my thoughts doing and saying in those moments leading up to it? And how can I be more aware of that in the future? Because if we can create awareness around that it means that you're more likely to be able able to capture it out before we get to that 10 out of 10. Now, a few different tools that you can be using some of them simple. Some of them, a little more detailed. One of them really simply sharing or voicing how you're feeling, if you have somebody
else in your household with you. That's, you know, a responsible adult and you're noticing. Hey, I am really on the edge here, really, simply telling that other person, I need you to step in for a minute. I need to get out of this room for a second, okay? I'm just about to explode. How much more beneficial is it for you to actually be able to voice how you're feeling and share that with somebody else and let them know what you need before.
You get to that point that you explode, you've got that reactive Behavior happening and then you've got to feel guilty and then you've got to be going and kind of like picking up the pieces after that not only by sharing or voicing how you're feeling. Is that helping you? It's also really healthy in helping you to set a boundary of like, hey, I need I need help here, I need assistance. I need someone else to step in here for just a second.
So I can step away, especially if you've got young kids around you, obviously, it's not always going to be achievable for you to just leave the room. So if there's somebody else that's there with you, even if there's not somebody that's there with you in the moment and I mean this is what I love about my one-on-one coaching clients and why I always say to them, I'm not just your coaching our sessions, I'm your coach every
single day in between. If you need me, if something's happening for you, reach out to me, let me know. I'll get a random voice memo like 9:10 on a Tuesday Morning from someone that's like, hey, I just need to let you know. This is happening in. This is how I'm feeling and they may respond a few minutes after they've sent that memo and say, oh my gosh, I feel so much better. Thank you for holding that space for me and just letting me voice, how I was feeling, I see what's happening now.
I feel a lot better feel like I was able to debrief for a few minutes with you in that voice memo. Sometimes they'll even say things like you don't even need to bother responding like just thanks for listening. So so sharing a voicing, how you're feeling?
Whether that is with somebody that's actually physically in the room with you, maybe you pick up the phone and you bring a friend or you voice memo someone or you get a coach and you utilize them to be able to bounce off them, how you're feeling? Another tool that I have, is what we call at bu leveraging or leaning in.
And what I mean by that is when we're thinking about our feelings, especially when we're feeling over stimulated, overwhelmed, overloaded when our sensors are really in, If a drive a lot of the time, what we want to be doing first is leaning in, and then leveraging. So, if you think about us from a scale, from one to ten, one being like, I'm fine, no big feelings are really coming up for me.
I'm feeling really good. 10 being like, this is the most absolute extrema, could be feeling this feeling. If you are feeling like you are about to explode, or you're really overwhelmed and you are at a 7 out of 10 or more. None of these different tools that I'm talking about out of all of these 10, different things are going to help you if
you're at a 7 out of 10 or more. If you're eight nine, ten out of ten, overwhelmed, anxious, stressed frustrated, cranky angry, whatever the feeling is, that's coming up for you. Your logical brain has switched off. And if I was to say to you, in that moment, when you're like, 10/10 frustrated or angry or overwhelmed, hey, like is this Really within your control though or is this somebody else and you're 10/10 your response to me is going to be a me honestly fuck off. I can't.
I cannot even listen to you right now because the logical brain isn't going to kick in. So what we want to do is lean in first and what I mean by that is if you notice that you are nearing that or getting past that 7 out of 10 or more, what would it look like for me to feel this feeling right now and So I've got a few different ways as one of my other points for re-regulating, your nervous system, but for some people, it might be things like, I need to just go and take some deep
breaths, maybe for some other people. And I know this one works really well for me, and I love this one, coming into my room and yelling into my pillow, it's like shifting that energy. If you've listened to my podcast on masculine versus feminine energy, or like the yin and the Yang, the busy and the flow of life. Life. There's a few different things in that episode as well that is all about kind of re-regulating and shifting that energy in your body as well.
So a lot of the time when we're feeling really frustrated, really overwhelmed, really over stimulated.
There's energy. That needs to be shifted and that's why we get to that explosion point and that point of like 10/10 like La, it just happened, like a lot of the time, especially, like, with some of my clients that we've been talking about this really recently, is, like, I don't even know, like I don't I didn't even notice that it was happening and then all of a sudden I was like, whoa, where did that come from?
That's the leaning in part that we want to be talking about first because when you are able to lean in, when I am able to come into the bedroom and yell into my pillow instead of yelling at Ali or whatever the case may be, then I've been able to release some of that energy to shift some of that energy around my body. And then the feeling is, maybe we're sitting up like a four or five out of ten. It's still there, it's not that. It's On a way altogether.
But then we can start leveraging with some of our tools on mindset changes. And then in that moment, if someone comes up to me and says, okay, so you're out of 44, out of 10 and I know you're still feeling a bit frustrated. What is within your control in this moment? And what is not within your control. My logical brain can kick in because I'm not overly heightened, or overly stimulated that I can recognize. Oh, okay, I can see that someone or something else is really
getting to me here. I can't do. Anything about that. What can I control in this situation? And I'm so much more able to think logically and to come up with different solutions, different ideas, and to try different things and actually feel like they're going to work. So that's the difference between leveraging and leaning in. So what I really encourage you to do is do a check in with yourself out of 10.
How intense do I feel this feeling right now if you're at a 7 out of 10 or more, what does it look like for me to give myself permission to Simply Feel This Feeling? How could I feel the most Frustrated, the most angry, the most disappointed, the most overwhelmed that I could, what does it look like for me to just let that out and lean into this feeling. Also for me, a lot of the time,
it's crying. I know I spoken about the example that I've used previously when I was feeling really overwhelmed and like I didn't have enough time to get all the things done for the day, had too many things on my plate and in my calendar and I was repressing repressing and thought I was doing a pretty good job of it during the morning. And then, by the time I got to lunch time, I was standing in the middle of my kitchen crying because I just needed to release that energy and shift that
emotion. So crying is also another one that could help you in that leaning in process to, then be able to leverage and start to think logically. Okay. What's my next step from here? Now, my next one I've done a real on this before which was pretty popular, it is the Holt Theory. And what I mean by that is H alt Holt Theory and we want to Get clear on what each of these letters stand for and what they might look and feel like for you.
So, H stands for Hungry, a stands for angry, L stands for lonely, and T stands for tired. So am I hungry? Angry, lonely or tired. You might be a mix of all of them. This was one of the most
beneficial things that I learnt. When Ali was first born, I was suffering with post natal depression and it was Really difficult for me to be able to even just get back to my sense of self because for those of you that have had a new baby or have been through the newborn phase and that Readjustment back into like well this is who I am now like I'm a mum now, it's not just me, was really, really difficult for me.
I have actually done a whole podcast episode on Holt Theory which is episode 106. It's a therapy Thursday episode and it's called Holt theory for ways to reduce Teeth, behaviors and reactions. So if you want to know more about whole Theory, in-depth, go and have a listen to that one number 106, but basically what you're doing is questioning okay, am I hungry? When was the last time I nourished my body, am I angry? How am I feeling? Is there any big feelings coming up for me?
Am I lonely have I not had connection with somebody recently like what it look like maybe me reaching out to a friend and having a phone call, sending a text message like I was saying earlier, just voicing how you're feeling? Are you tired? And I mean look a lot of us are tired. A lot of us lead, very busy lives and sometimes especially if you've got kids. There's not a lot that you can do about feeling tired. If you've got somebody else that is not within your control,
waking you up overnight time. But also what I mean by tired is when was the last time you actually rested like gave your brain some space for a few minutes so we can look at different things that you can be doing to just get some brain space, close out some of those tabs. Some deep breaths. Do a quick two minute meditation things like that that it's not necessarily actually sleeping or having a nap because that's not always going to feel achievable.
That's very rarely going to feel achievable during the day. But also, when we think about tired, it's like, okay, well, what are my morning and evening routines is there?
Things I could be shaking up in those routines that mean I am going to get more rest or that I am able to get even half an hour more sleep, you know, the next one I have is accepting the moment and Letting go of expectations now, this one, I'm going to go into a lot more depth in another episode, because expectations and accepting the moment is a whole whole other topic. But really the next point to try and bring in is accepting the moment and letting go of
expectations. Now, this one is actually going to be a whole nother mum rage episode in itself because it's a huge topic. But really, simply in this instance, when we're talking about sensory overload, What we're thinking about is say for example your child is wengie or crying or throwing a tantrum or whatever the case may be. A lot of the time, the frustration that we can feel and
the overload. All the overwhelm that we can feel is exacerbated by the thought of like, oh my gosh, stop crying or stop throwing a tantrum or stop doing whatever it is that they're doing the expectation. Is that the child or the other person? Whoever it is, is going to stop doing that thing or that you wish They weren't doing the thing that they were doing, and that's where again, like I said, we exacerbate the feeling so it's not that we're not going to feel overwhelmed or overloaded
or over stimulated. But we make it feel worse, or heightened by wishing that, the reality was different. So the expectation is this person is not going to be acting the way that they are. And when that expectation is not met and they are acting the way that they are in reality. The frustration comes between those two gaps there where it's like, I wish this wasn't happening or I wish this was the
case that things were different. That this situation or circumstance that I'm in right now is different and more, calm and peaceful. But it's not that feels
frustrating. So that's a very brief example of the accepting the moment and letting go of expectations, but really simply to bring that into context with this episode of what we're talking about today is okay, my child is having a From all my child's ringing really clingy today, or whatever is coming up for you in that day, that is causing the
overwhelm and the frustration. Can you just be in the moment and accept and sometimes that acceptance piece also comes in around like, well, you know, I thought I was going to get this this and this done today or this was on my to-do list or these were the things I was going to be getting done while Ali was napping, for example, and I was going to get all this work done and now that's not happening today.
We're not accepting the reality of the situation, and that's when things feel frustrating and when our expectations are feeling like they're not being met, so have a listen to probably the next episode. I think I'll talk about expectations with you. Now, the next point that I have is doing some rage cleaning or a chore. So the reason that this can be helpful for some people, not everybody because again, it can bring up feelings like
resentment. But the reason that something like some people call it Rage cleaning or like a chore like, vacuuming it means that you are really focused on that one thing
that you're doing. So say, for example, you decide to go and clean the bathroom and you get out your toothbrush and start scrubbing, the grout or your vacuuming and because when you're vacuuming, you're really focusing on the vacuum and the floor and picking up all the little pieces of stuff that's on the floor, that it gives your brain a chance to get into its Flow State. Instead of the In the overwhelm, the snowballing thoughts from one thing to the next thing.
To the next thing you give yourself the opportunity to just focus on that one thing that you're doing. So it's not all of the time going to be ideal like a lot of the time when I'm at that lack 10/10, I'm like, I don't feel like cooking dinner right now. It's actually the last thing that I feel like doing, but I know that it's probably going to help me to feel a bit better. Number one, I'm going to feel productive because in is going to be cooked and that's done but
also number two. I've been so focused on chopping the veggies reading the recipe like doing all of the different steps that by the time that's finished. Okay. Maybe now I'm feeling like I'm at that four or five out of ten, right? So get clear on something that helps you to get into that flow State. Whether it's doing a chore cleaning, the house folding, the washing like doing something and maybe that also Might look like habit, stacking for you as well.
So, if it's doing a chore like folding, the laundry, if you're like me, and you've shoved all the clothes off, the end of the bed that we're going to get folded. And there on the floor, again, popping your headphones in and listening to a podcast episode. Maybe while you do that or watching a reality TV show while you're doing it, so that it feels like it's less of a chore and more of like a, okay?
I'm layering this with something for me as well or making this more enjoyable for myself by doing this thing. The next option that I have getting some Sure. So making a to-do list and focusing on those two or three things. So a lot of the time overwhelm overstimulation things like that can come from again that mental load and having a lot of different tabs open in your
brain. So get some structure and I don't mean go and make a to-do list with 25 different things on there for the day, because that in itself is going to feel overwhelming for you. If we touch back on those expectations, you cannot expect yourself to get 25 things done during the day, if you're already feeling. Overwhelmed overloaded over stimulated and you've already got another 50 things on your list from yesterday, right? So let's be a little bit realistic.
Yes, make your to-do list and maybe that does look like a brain dump that you do put all 25 things on there, but then again, like I've spoken about in other podcast episodes, go through that list then and focus on those main two or three things. Those non-negotiables for the day and focus on getting them done for you. So, Then what that does is it gives you some structure, some direction for the day. It gives you something to focus on that is outwards of. Oh my gosh, I feel so
overwhelmed. And so stressed. The next point I have in, like, I mentioned very briefly earlier was re-regulating, your nervous system. So, again, go and have a look at some of the options that Anna has over on her Instagram, but re-regulating, your nervous system is going to look different to every single individual person, listening to this episode. So for some people, it's going to be just sitting Enjoying five or ten deep breaths for other people.
It might be listening to some music putting on your favorite playlist, putting on like a real upbeat playlist. Maybe it's putting on some jazz music or some relaxing classical music or some R&B like whatever it is. It's going to be different for you. One of my clients and I absolutely love this. She has what she calls a reset shower. And so what that means is she can feel she notices when she's really getting to that like 10 out of 10. TenPoint. And so, she will go and have a
reset shower. A lot of the time, she'll have a bit of a cry in the shower, which I actually did last night and I highly recommend it was very therapeutic but she calls it a research shower because the intention behind that shower is like ok. I'm changing my environment. So to actually explain what happens in your brain when you are actively focusing on doing something like a research shower is you are actively making the decision to change your
environment. So you're changing A physiology or your body by moving away, from whatever the environment was that you were in. So maybe you're in the kitchen or the lounge room, or someone's bedroom. You're actively moving yourself out of that environment. So, you're changing your environment, you're changing your physiology. So maybe when you were feeling that 10/10, you had your hands clenched or you were sitting down and you had your arms folded or you're standing up and
you had your arms folded. And you were Your clenched heart racing voice, raised all of these physiology patterns or things that you're doing with your body, is every single. One of those little things adds up to make a recipe for your brain to know that I feel overloaded, I feel frustrated, I feel angry whatever. The feeling is you're creating that recipe with every single little thing that you're doing with your physiology, your all your body in that moment.
And so what you can do to shift that is Something like going and having a reset shower. Not only are you changing the environment that you were in but we're using anchors to go into a different space. So a sensory anchor is changing things in your senses or that your senses are taking in.
So your environment, your physiology and your body, and maybe you also have a calming body wash that you use in there or you really like your shampoo and your condition or you have a specific face mask that you use with the specific intention of
feeling more. Um, if you're stepping into that shower and you let yourself again, if we use that leveraging or leaning, in example, you just give yourself permission to lean into that big feeling first and maybe you have a cry, like she does or like I do, and you let yourself feel the feelings then after a few minutes, you might notice. I feel so much better. I've been able to just let some of that feeling go and I'm feeling a bit more regulated.
Now what can I do for myself? Maybe I'm washing my hair or I'm using that favorite body wash. Shhhh. We're using some sensory anchors to Anchor in a feeling that you want to be feeling. So maybe they are things that help to make you feel more calm or maybe you feel more energized or whatever it is that you're looking for. So re-regulating, that nervous system with something like a research shower. If that feels good for you
again. Also something that I mentioned yelling into your pillow, one of the ones that I really enjoy doing, it's directing that Rage or mum rage and I say that in inverted commas because like, you know, yes, it's a thing and it's a word but like, you know, we don't need to really buy into when we start to buy into our labels. That's when we can start to get into a little bit of trouble as
well. Which labels is another podcast, episode that you can go and have a look for if you would like to listen to that, but yelling into your pillow, it's channeling that energy and that need or that want to get it out by yelling in a more constructive way. So that instead of yelling at somebody or that anger or rage or frustration, being directed towards somebody else, you're still getting the same effect. You're still able to let that
energy out. But in a more constructive way, which means that then, the, hopefully the flow-on effect after that is also that you can maybe go and have more of a constructive conversation if it's with an adult or a child that would understand that or you've been able to re-regulate your System enough that you can meet that child where they are and you can hold space for them if they need it.
If they're really having a bit of a meltdown maybe it's something like doing a two minute meditation. So there's so many different ways that you can re regulate your nervous system and you will know like something will come to mind for you. That's like yeah, that's one thing that I know that does have normally help me. So feel a bit more calm to feel a little bit less, like, I'm really on the edge now. Three more points, first one down time, prioritizing your Your down time.
You need to make yourself a priority. You need to prioritize your downtime. I don't care if it's for two minutes every day but you need to prioritize some time for yourself. Maybe it's first thing in the morning. If you're awake before the kids, maybe it's the last thing at night. If you're awake after the kids are gone to sleep. Maybe it's at some point during the day that you are able to vocalize to somebody like a very first. The first one sharing.
How you're feeling? You can do that with children as well. Hey I just Need to have some down time. I'm just going to take two minutes that goes into my next point, which is learn how to say no and set boundaries. Now that's not necessarily going to be with children. It can be with children and you can effectively learn how to set boundaries and set.
That really nice example for them so that they start to recognize what setting boundaries looks like and respecting themselves looks like but Maybe it also means that you're saying no to some commitments or a commitment that you have coming up that day or on the weekend or next month that's making you feel really overwhelmed. So getting clear on where are the yeses, what are the things that you've said yes to recently? Is there anything that you want to change to a know and how can
you do that really effectively? So that you are setting boundaries and feeling less things like resentment, overwhelming, frustration stress, all of that kind of stuff and my very last thing is to To reduce stimulation. So is there things that you can do so that you feel less over stimulated things like maybe you close the blind.
That's a big one for me. Like when I'm feeling really over stimulated I noticed that I get quite sensitive to light and I'm like oh that's so bright coming through. We have a huge front window at our house. And so a lot of the time I will go and sit on the lounge to kind of take a few breaths and have a cup of tea. But I will also close that blind as well. So, can you close the blinds turn down the lights. Turn the volume down on the TV or the music.
If there's music or the TV on in the background and just maybe even take a moment to step into the bathroom, have some quiet time. So just thinking about what do all of these things look like for you? Is there anything that you can be doing to reduce that level of stimulation that you're feeling in that moment to help you to just reset? So I know that there's been a lot of different things discussed in today's episode in today, today's episode is a little bit of a longer one.
I hope that there's been one or two things that have sat with you. That could be takeaways or things that you can be looking at doing or implementing or changing to help you to feel less overwhelmed to help you to feel more just like that. Baseline level of, I can be more resilient today. I can handle more things that are thrown my way, because I'm not feeling that real overwhelming overstimulation. And I hope that one of the, I
guess biggest takeaways for you. I really hope is that there's nothing wrong with you. These things are definitely normal these feelings. These responses and reactive behaviors that you can have their very normal. They're obviously not ideal and we don't want to be too having these responses and reactive behaviors every single minute of
every single New day. But there's a reason behind why they happen and hopefully this episode has helped you to create some awareness around what some of these contributing factors could be for you so that you can start to be aware and have them happening less Often by putting some really actionable and easy things into place. So that you're feeling less reactive more, calm, a little more relaxed from time to time
where you can. And just Just more able to be resilient and handle, what the days are throwing at you, if you have liked this episode, and if you think that, you know, somebody else that might like this episode, I would absolutely love if you would give it a shower. I had so many messages from the last podcast episode from the last mom read episode letting me know that. They really enjoyed it. People that have never listened
to the podcast before actually. So I'm assuming that some of you may have sent them over to have a listen. So thank you so much. I really I do appreciate it. Like, I say, every episode, it's just me recording, this podcast, episode all on my own. So, every single share, every review that you guys leave, really means the absolute world to me and I appreciate it so much.
If there is anybody else that you think could resonate with this or that might really enjoy listening to this episode, please give it a share with them and I will see you in our next episode. If you liked this episode, I would love for you to screenshot and tag me on Instagram, you guys have no idea. Idea how much that absolutely makes my day. I get such a big smile on my face. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today and I hope that you have got them something
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