Zainab Johnson • Films To Be Buried With with Brett Goldstein #170

popcorn and all that shit. Surprising about that. I didn't know how, but Einstein was into that, but then I guess he did. Always like inventions. Every week and about a special guest over, I tell them they've died. Then I get them to discuss their lives through the films that meant the most of them. Previous guests include Barry Jenkins, Kevin Smith, Doug Benson, Jamie La Jamil, and even Said Mambles. But this week it's the brilliant comedian actor and writer

Zaane ab Johnson. Get over to the Patreon of Aton dot com forward slash break Goalsteine, where you're getting extra twenty minutes of chat with Zana. We talk about beginnings we talk about endings. She tells me a secret. You get the whole episode on Cut and Add free and as a video. Check it out over at patreon dot com. Forward Slash Brett Goalstein, Ted Lasso Season two is all finished, available now on Apple TV Plus, so you can watch

the whole show in one go. And so Make Season one is on Amazon Prime, so you can watch that too. Why not watching both? You know what I mean? It might as well. Nothing else to do? Is there? I mean there is Get on me your lives, don't you know? You don't have to do any of this. Just I'm greatful you're here. So Zaynab Johnson is an excellent comedian, writer and actor who I saw at a gig that I had in Los Angeles and she was so brilliant. I was very excited to get her on this podcast.

We recorded this on Zoom a few days ago and it was such a joy. I think you're really going to like it. So that is it for now. I very much hope you enjoy episode one hundred and seventy of Films to be Buried With. Hello, and welcome to Films to be Buried With. It is I Brett Goldstein and I'm joined today by an actor, a writer, a last comic standinger, a netflixer, a uploader, a hero, a creator, a legend, and one of the finest stand up comedians I have seen in la Please welcome to the show,

the wonderful, the brilliant. It's Saint Achatzo. This is huge. It is a delight to have you, an honor to have you of anything. And we have not really met. We met very briefly at an outdoor gig where everyone was smoking weed and I felt like I was getting high just standing there before going on stage. You went on stage, you were fucking brilliant, and I thought, yeah, I want to talk. Do you know what I want to talk? I want to hear more of this. So

here's the thing. I looked you up, Okay, good, and aside from your incredible career, etc. My shocking thing is you're one of thirteen children. How do I know that's what you were going to say? Because I guess when anyone looks you up, that's surely the thing that they're like, what. And then I was like, well, of course he's a comedian. You're one of thirty. Where do you fit in this? In this mix? I am fifth from the top. So no, I'm fifth, You're fifth, Okay, I'm fifth. There's four, there's

four above me, eight below me. Jesus Christ, how do you same mother, same father? I don't know where to start. I'm gonna see it. Who's Who's your favorite? Um? I don't really have a favorite, but I think there have been a few favorites, like over the time. Like I love my youngest brother, but I think it's because he could have he could have been my kid, you know, Like, yeah, I'm like six teen years older than him, so I like him. I think I think it depends on the age.

Like right now, I'm really close to my sister, who is eight years younger than me. But like it took us, it took me getting into my thirties and her getting into her twenties for us to get close, you know, for a very long time, she just seemed like a little you know, just like But I mean, we all have very different personalities. I can't even invent different person. It's it's interesting to me because we come from the same two people, So for us to be so different,

it's just it's strange or rather interesting. Yeah, but one everybody in my family thinks they're funnier than me. That's one. Uh. And when I did, like my one of my first TV sets, my younger one of my younger brothers was in the audience and he was like, I was so scared. He was like, it was the scariest I've been my entire life. And I was like, why. He was like, because I don't remember you being funny, and he was like, and then the first word you said and everybody laughed

and I just relaxed. And then I listened to you and I was like, Oh, she's really funny. He was like, but at first, I just I don't remember you being funny when we were growing up. And I was like, probably because I was yelling at you. Yeah. He just thought this was like a Maker Wish Foundation thing. Oh my god, you're perfy. I'm annoyed because I'm aware that

you have You're one of thirteen. I assume it's something you talk about a lot, and I hate talking to people about the stuff they have to talk about all the time. But it is fascinating purely just in terms of the logistics of it. Like I have one sister who I'm very very close with. I try and talk to her as much as I can. We talked maybe twice a week. How do you keep in contact with thirteen people on the rank? There's some that I talked

to more often than others. But I think I definitely speak to my siblings like a good amount of time. Like I speak to a good five of them a few times a week. And it's not long conversations, but it's just like it'll be a text or you know, like we talk. But you just made me realize something I realized in my career. Now, my goal is to do something that is more fascinating than having twelve siblings.

But I've never thought about it before. Surely that's why you're a comedian though, right, You've got you've got so desperate for attention. If you're fighting twelve other people for attention, you have to become a comedian. You have to have a TV show where you're a comedian on TV. Guy, see now I'm the fucking favorite. Sure, Oh my god, that's funny. That's the theme of the show. Oh is it? It is? It is. I do think that it's interesting that I chose something that is very independent, you know,

like I could have joined a sketch group. I could have joined an improv group, but I think stand up is a very like lonely road, and I just I do find it very interesting that that's what I chose. Yeah, that is interesting. It's interesting that you don't have an improv group called family. My family? Tell me this? You do your brothers and sisters? Do you have different ones

for different occases? As in, do you go like if I feel sad, I need to call this one if I feel you know, they do they serve different purposes for you. No, I am like the caretaker of all. Yeah, so I am usually the one that is called upon when things are needed whatever. Like I can give everything. I can give advice, I can give sentiment, I can give money, I can give you know, but I do call different ones for different information. I know the wealth

of information each one of them has. I know what their expertise is, so I call according to the expertise I need. Fascinating and how long we've been doing stand up? Ten years? Was that always your plan? Or was this something happened where you were like, I want to get into that. So I went to school. I got a degree in math and education, and I thought I would teach.

And then my friend, my really close friend at the time, decided she was moving to LA to be famous, and I was like, I can't let her move without me because of all the famous women I know, I don't know who they're best friend is. You know, like, who's Julia Robert's best friend? Nobody knows? Great question, you know, And so I'm like, well, I gotta go exactly who knows? You know, we may never know. The only best friend we know is Gail and Oprah what It's really funny.

It's just now I'm obsessed's best friend is. We don't know, Like George Clooney, I don't know who is her best friend could beat We don't know. You're right, we literally don't know. So hang on. So your famous friend is going and you're like you might be You need to be the first famous person than people know who their best friend is. Well, yeah, I just thought like I can't let her be famous without me. That was my thought.

That was the thing that motivated me to pack up my car in New York City, drive across country and move to LA. I was like, I can't let her be famous about me. What happened to your friend? Please tell me she's she's Julia Robert I. Um, I don't know. Actually, so she's not famous and she's no longer your best friend. Yes that both both of those things are true. Wow, God did she? Is she not cooling you up? Like? I want to be your best friend? I want to

be the best friend of the famous person? How did she fuck this up so badly? Um? I don't know if she would ever call you. No, it's not like that. It's not like it's not like that. It's just like a growing apart, you know. But I'm definitely more famous right now. You know, things can change in a heartbeat, but right now, right now, you went, Yeah, a lot of stuff comes up on Google, absolutely fascinated and you are currently So you're currently making your own show or

developing your own show, or making your own show. You're somewhere in the developing Yeah, yeah, in the middle of it. And this one's your baby. Are we allowed to talk about it at all? No? Okay? God, I mean I feel like I feel like you you you you gave it away. It's like you were like you have twelve brothers and sisters and you know, and you're fighting to be the favorite that's the show. I would watch that show. I would buy that show, and I would watch that show.

I hope everyone else feels that same way. Well, of course they do, because it's fucking mad to have that many brothers and sisters. I don't know how you cope. It's just mad. So I want to see this show. When I was younger, when I was little, all I ever wanted was to be the only child. Yeah, I want it so bad to know what that was like, because it's like, you don't have any privacy, you don't you you know. And and the thing about it is we were very poor, but not because my father didn't

have a good job. It's just like you you gotta have like basels money to take care of thirteen kids, you know, in New York City. We grew up in Manhattan, like it was oh my god, Yeah you were rich for for a full person family, but for thirt eight person family, Yeah you need basos money. Poverty. Oh oh saying that, Oh shit, I've forgotten to tell you something nuts. I should have told you this. I should have told you this at the beginning when when we looked on

if anything, I should have told you. Oh fuck, I should have emailed you. Ah man, I just have to say it. I feel like a dunce m you. I just say you've died, You're dead. Okay, okay, okay, let men do that. Well you see mun faced? How did you die? Um? I mean I'm actually I'm devastated. Oh okay, it's just the tea. I mean, well, the tea is what relaxed to me. But it was hard news to hear. Yeah.

Um okay, So this is probably gonna sound so cheesy. Um, but I died laying in my California King bed m M California King with and I'm dressed in all white linen okay, and the sheets are all white linen. Everything, every single thing is all white. The cheets are like the most soft organic cotton. It's one thousand thread count.

My loving, loving husband is rubbing my feet as I take my last breath, and I'm laying on my back and I just kind of like float away, like I closed my eyes like really really softly, and I fade away. And I think my mom. I think she'll live like way beyond me, Like if I'm ninety, my mom will

be like one hundred and twenty. Yeah, And I think she'll call one last time to tell me to do something like yeah, just to parent, like you know, her parents have to overparent, so she'll she'll maybe she'll be like, you know, Zina, make sure the temperature is right before you go something something. She'll be like, make sure your old white linen ceiling is clean. Make sure you have

one clean underwear. Okay, so did you couple of questions? Okay, so lovely you know the visuals lovely white linen everywhere? I mean everywhere? Okay, everywhere. I like ceiling everywhere, So to ceiling, No, not floor to ceiling. Okay, is not like bailed in linen. Just all your stuff is it is still my bedroom. Okay. So it's your bettering. You're ninety that's the age you've chosen today. I'm somewhere in between ninety and one hundred. Okay, Well I'm going to

need specifics. I'm ninety three. Okay, why ninety three? Three is my number? I like threes, and so three can go into nine three times, and then I just put a three after the nineties. So ninety three that's what happened in my mind. Just now, that's nice, that's really nice. I like that that's made a very magic number. But my other question is this husband rubbing your feet? Is it currently your husband or is this a future husband? He's my future husband. Okay, do you know him yet? No? Okay?

What does he look like? And what's his what's his vibe? What does he look like like eventually or what does he look like when he's ninety something as well? Fair question? What do you look like when you met him? Oh? He was tall and uh like fin but still like muscular but not too fit, not like to not like all he does is go to the gym, but just like you know, like he has a combination of like

caring about himself but not taking himself too seriously. He has a nice beer no no, um, he's probably dressed in like jeans and a hoodie and it fits him well nice and maybe like some simple but cool sneakers. Okay, what's his personality? Like? He's like, uh, super smart and like a little bit corny, like I'm totally the funny one. Yeah, but but he appreciates that. And he goofs himself up a bit just to try and make me laugh, like he could super goofy just to make me laugh. And

he does yeah. Yeah, And what does he do? What? Oh? No, he's in he does business. Uh Um, I don't care. But whatever it is, I respect it. But it's not it's not it's not the entertainment business. He could be in the entertainment business, but I prefer him to be behind the camera, you know, like so I wouldn't be mad if he was, like, um, a really talented like DP, or like a lawyer or like you know, yeah, a finance person. But like, is he a stand up comedian? No, no,

he can't be his Danne comedian? No on my watch? Yeah no no no? And is he an actor? Let's hype, No, let's hype. No. You don't want that, No, you deserve you deserve better. So this guy, what's his name? What is his name? You're gonna have to say a lot unless you you know, have a nickname from my space. So I mean, I don't know because I haven't met him yet, So I guess I have to m his name is? What's the name? I would like a name

that I don't mind saying for sixty years. Yeah, okay, if I want the simple route, maybe like Daniel Daniel He's listen, the man you've described is a fucking Daniel for sure. For sure you've described the Daniel that is an absolute Daniel you describe. Or maybe it's a name that I don't know yet, you know, maybe it's a name. It's not very common, it said Daniel. No, maybe it's a name like janeab We both noticed Daniel. They ain't ever Daniel. It goes well together as well. Who's coming

over Tonight's ain't ever Daniel? Oh great, she's really funny. He's a bit goofy, but I love him. I love the way he wears a hoodie and jeans. They really fit. Oh, so this is all lovely. Your life with Daniels, says great. What slightly concerns me is how you died. Daniel's rubbing your feet. Yeah, why did that kill you? Okay, okay, so it actually didn't kill me, right right? So I would really like to just die peacefully in my sleep, like I would like to just be laying down going

to sleep. But I would also like to know the day so that I could have gotten everything done that I needed to get done. You know, I don't want to go to sleep and it'd be my last sleep, and I don't know it's my last sleep. I want to know that it's my last sleep, so that I said, oh my goodbyes, that you know, so that I handled

all the business that I need to handle. But what I know is the rubbing of feet is so therapeutic, and it's so relaxing, and it's so it's a very small gesture, but it's a huge care for a person. I was in a hospital before, and it didn't matter how many drugs they gave me, like in a hospital bad, it doesn't matter how many drugs they gave me. Nothing felt as comforting or as promising or as hopeful as

when my mom rubbed my feet. And because I remember that when one of my friends had her son, I went to the hospital that day and everybody bought gifts and food and I sat there and rubbed her feet. Her son is like ten years old now, and she always says, Zaynab, when you rubbed my feet, that was the thing that brought me the most comfort. So my husband is not like killing me with comfort. He is just making my departure the most serene it could be because he loves me so much. I mean, he played

Goofy for sixty years. Yeah, that's Daniel for you. Man, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. To rubbing the feet in the hospital with a lady that's given birth. I think we should. I think we should start a thing where we go do that, just go around maternity was rubbing people's feet. That's fucking great. I think that they would love it. I think they would absolutely love it. We'd have to get permission. I mean, if this adminutebo which he's really

going up this, I think it's better if it's a surprise. Nothing. There's nothing more uncomfortable than a surprise and beside yes from from a stranger. Yeah, thinking about it, it's a terrible idea not to at least cool ahead, Yeah exactly. Okay, Look, I have a thing on this podcast which is when people say they die peace for him asleep. I usually sort of think, yeah, but you died if something something happened while you're asleep, like you know, you had a

heart attack or something happened. Okay, but I've never done this before, but I am going to let you die peacefully in your sleep because I really really liked it. Usually I make people who die peaceful a sleep have a horrific death while yours. Yours is genuinely beautiful. And I really liked Daniel, and I think it's lovely what I did for you, Daniel. Daniel. Also, it says a lot because you know, normally the husbands can't survive without

the white that was Daniel. Daniel was strong. But Daniel, Daniel is going to be okay, Daniel is going to live your mom and she's going to live two hundred and fifty. Oh well, you know what I told him. I'm gonna tell Daniel the moment I die, don't don't let her make you do anything else. Omen I die, your obligation is defree. Do you do you worry about death? Is it something you think about a lot? I do? And it's like new recent for me, but like it's

it's like, um, it causes like great anxiety. And I googled it like maybe some months ago, and a lot of like the articles that I read said that when you start to have like a fear of death, it means that you really have work to get done, Like

you feel like you're not getting done. What you that's the anxiety you really want to get You really want to accomplish whatever these things, whatever it is, for that person, whether it's like you know, a job, or like a relationship or being a parent or like whatever it is, Like you, that's the thing that's making you fearful of death because your worry is like, oh, what if I don't accomplish this idea before I go Yeah. Interesting, So you've only recently felt this thing of I've got fucking

shit to do and I need to get it done. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if I felt that. I mean, I feel like I've always felt that way, but may be in the past like year and a half, maybe two years. And it's not the pandemic. I know, anybody else would say like, oh, well, it's the pandemic, but no, it's unrelated to the pandemic. I have this like anxiety. I grew up with a very I haven't had many people die, Like only my dad died. That's the only

Oh my father and and and my grandparents. But I haven't had to deal with much death even think about it, like thirteen kids and we're all just like, you know, here just freaking living, you know. And so my I always thought that like death was like a release, like death was like, um, so I'm Muslim, and so you know, we always say from a law, you come in, to a law, you return, and so it's always been something

very natural to me. But lately I have been thinking about like the untimely death, not like, yeah, it's like the untimely death is the one that is uncomfortable. Yeah, the untimely thing. There's definitely it's a it's a phenomenon of people, particularly people who have near death experiences or who nearly die. They then get a lot of stuff done. They seem to be like because they know, oh, I lived,

and so I really need to make the most of this. Well, I feel like I had a near death experience, but it was when I was very young. Yeah, I was seventeen. I got hit by a truck. What the fuck? Hit by a truck? I've never heard hit by a truck. Hit by a truck is like a fucking cartoon. What the fuck happened? And like a truck truck, not like a not like a range rover, like a straight up truck, like a delivery, like a truck about it? Yeah, fuck drunk driver. M So, I was pushing the back of

a car, right, I'll keep this brief. But I was in Atlanta, visiting a friend and like on like a winter break I was in high school, and we went to the mall, and then on our way home from the mall, we stopped at a gas station and she got gas. But it's like, I'm a New York City kid,

so i don't know anything about cars. I don't know how to drip, like if I'm not even paying attention to street, like I'm not, you know, I'm just so long for the ride, right, And so we get maybe like a block away from the gas station, and the car just shuts down. It just turns off. And I'm thinking, like, well, man, I guess we like we just had gas, so why

would it turn off? You know, later, you know, like what now, like fifteen years later, I think about it, and I'm like, maybe she put diesel in the car instead up, because you know that has like a really quick reaction, that has like a really quick negative reaction. Yeah, so I don't I mean, I don't know, and I never knew. But she was you know, it was me and two other girls, and the driver was like, just let's just push it because we could literally see the

gas station just left. So she's like just pushed the car, and I remember I had on some brand new sneakers, so I was like, I do not want to push the car, like I don't want to mess up my sneaker. And I get out and I pushed the car. Me and another friend we pushed the car and then I woke up in an ambulance. Oh really, Oh that's it. Yeah,

Oh wow, I woke up in an ambulance. I woke up for a few moments in the ambulance and I could see like the blood and the the e MT worker was cutting off my clothes and asking me and asking me like who the president was and who you know, like and yeah. And then I woke up like some time after that and like an ICU unit in the ICU room in the hospital, and that's it. Yeah, and then yeah, and I had to rehabilitating and that took a very long time. And I still have like the scars,

you know, to show it. But it does make me feel like, it does make me feel very purposeful because I'm like I could have died, yeah, Like first, in so many different ways. I could have died from the hit, I could have died from the surgeries. I could have died from infection. I could have, you know, like, I could do so many things, which is probably why I didn't choose like a terrible death, because I'm like, been there, done that, and I fucking sensed it. That's why I've

given you a nice one. You're the first person I've let die nice because I sensed it. Wow. Can I ask you? And again, I don't want to sort of trigger anything. I don't you know, if this is too fun, please tell me. But so you've never remembered the thing, like in your memory of it, it's pushing the car and then you're in the ambulance and you have no Yeah, I don't remember the hit. That's fascinating that your brain protects you from that old you know, I have no idea.

I'm guessing. Yeah, I've been told. I mean I've seen the police report, but I was told that we were pushing the back of the car the drunk the drunk driver slammed into us and pinned us in between the truck and the car and then yeah, and then backed out away from us and then drove off. So it's like a drunk driver hit and run. Fuck. And this woman,

this woman witnessed the whole thing. And she followed him as she called the cops on her cell phone, and the cops cut him off at an intersection and yeah, yeah, yeah, so wow, um, do you what do you think happens when you die? Do you have a theory on that? Did you see anything? I used to I used to have a theory. But the every day it's like changing for me because so I used to think that you go to heaven like you go to like paradise to you know, you know, is what like what you say

in Arabic. I used to think that you that that's what all of this, that's why you try and be a good human being. You know, that's all like you know, your points to get up there where they say everything is perfect and like dandy. But then one day, in an attempt to write a joke, I thought, wow, like I loved my father and he did great. He did, in my opinion, a great job while he was here, And I can't wait to see this was the thought

that day. I was I probably had a dream about him or something, and I'm like, oh, man, at least when I get to heaven, I don't see my father again, right, And then it hit me, I don't know if it's the comedian brain. It hit me like what if he doesn't want to see you? What if what if his heaven does not involved you know he's like that? And then I started thinking about it, like we all have this idea that our heaven involves other people, but like if like, like, can one of my ex boyfriends be

in my heaven? That's not heaven? This is really interesting. You you've really got to curate you're heaven. You're right, You're absolutely right. Fuck because because they, you know, like religions make it seem like it's just this one big place that everybody that is good goes to and then Hell is this like one bad place. But I'm just like I don't, but you're right. Heaven with everyone is in it isn't heaven. Isn't heaven at all. That's like now and it's awful. And if heaven, if everybody is

in heaven, then everything there's a pandemic in heaven. Oh my god, you're blaming my mind. Well listen, I've got news. There is a heaven and it is curated. And I've gone through your friend's list, I've gone through your close friends list on Instagram, and he knows lotter In and your dad is there. He's happy to see you. Surprisingly he's got He's given me a list in order of favorites and you made the top three, so that's good. And everyone's very happy to see you. And there's your

your favorite thing in heaven? What's your favorite thing? This is going to be so cliche, say it watching movies. Oh well, then you fit right in. You fit right in if that's your favorite in the world. This place is made of movies. It's like challenging the chocolate factory, but instead of chocolate, it's my fies, just DVDs, just VHS tapes in a river of VHS tapes and Beta Max trees and LaserDisc chairs. And you have a lovely

time there and perfectly fried French fries. Perfectly fried French fries. Goy, I mean, no, no question, they're perfectly fried. Okay. So when you get there, they give you a cone of perfecly fried French fries and everyone's excited to see you, and they want to know about your life, but they weren't know about your life through film. And the first thing they ask you is what's the first film you remember,

saying exactly jump. I think the first film I remember seeing is a Land Before Time, Lovely Lovely Filmand Before Time, Don't Believe Dinosaurs, Happy Sad. It was a cartoon about It was like a feature length cartoon about dinosaurs and this one dinosaur on the search to get back to his parents, right, yeah, yeah, and he made friends along the way. It's a beautiful film. Do you remember who

you saw see at the cinema or on TV? I don't know, but I did go to the movies a lot with my um, with my family, Like I remember specifically seeing Coming to America and being like really really young, like probably too young to even watch that movie, but my father used to really like going to matinee's and so we would just all go to the matinees with him. I remember specifically seeing that in a movie theater, But Land Before Time maybe I saw it at home. That's

a really good first one. What is the film that made you cry the most? Are you a crier? Ain't Johnson? I used Synapia Crier? Are you Synapia Crier? And yeah, not at all? And I used to pride myself on it, like I ain't crying sixteen years, like I was that person, and like, if I did have to cry, I would be like, oh my god, like it would yeah, I would be I would be taken aback by the cry.

But now, oh my god, the older I get, I just comes and I just I can see a commercial, like, I mean, it could be a state farm commercial, and I'm like, oh my god, please honor her claim. You know. Like the film that made me cry the most, probably and it's a very specific scene in this film, Little Miss Sunshine. I mean, I'm a huge fan of the film. What is the specific scene? Oh my god. So the entire film, the brother is like preparing to go to

the Air Force. Right then at some point when they're in the van, it's like you could tell this is his life's dream, like this is his out you know. And then at some point while they're in the van, they discover he's color blind. And because he's colorblind, he'll never be able to go to the Air Force. And that was devastating. Yeah, that was devastating on so many

different levels. I'm just like, and I mean, there's so many reasons to cry in that movie, but that one I was just like, I didn't even know you couldn't be colorblind and go to the airport, you know, like I didn't. Yeah, it was I felt terrible. I felt terrible. Yeah. Interesting, it's about sibling as well. What's the film that scared you the most? Do you like being scared saying no, no, thank you, thank you? No. I do not like being

scared at all. Right, Um, I think the first like scary movie I saw it was like Freddie you know, Freddy Krueger, like Friday to thirteen. And I hated it because I always, all my life I've dreamt in color and I'm like, this is exactly where a scary person, a scary monster could get me was in my dream. So like I grew up in New York. Right in New York you live in like you live in skyscrapers and stuff. So like the Jason, all the scary movies where you go through the woods, I'm like, that will

never happen. I live in New York. Like, you know, the scenario doesn't present itself for a killer. But with Friday the thirteenth, with so many stays, there's too many stays for them, Jason will get so. Then with Freddy Krueger, I was like, oh my god, all you have to do is go to sleep. I was like, this isn't good. So that scared me. But then you know, like sure, I mean after like I don't know, like five or six films, then they did Jason takes Manhattan, and I

was like, oh, oh no, they did. He did take around Hut And I don't even know how he did it. He learned to walk upstairs faster. Maybe yeah, I didn't even see it, so I'll never know. But I know as a kid, I used to be scared. It's not the film that scared me the most. I'll get to that, But the film that I used to be afraid of was Wizard of Us. I used to be afraid of the witch with the with the green face. That's it. Like.

I would even have dreams that a witch would show up and then somehow pretend to be my mother, and in the dream I had to choose between the witch and my mother, and I better make the right choice. Jesus, that's crazy, right, Yeah, that's really scary. Did you make

the right choice? I made the right choice. And you know what, I think I made the right choice most times, or I would wake up before it was even revealed, you know, and maybe I don't know, maybe that sucks some really deep rooted something about my feelings about my mom. Like I don't know, but one summer I did like an intensive at Rodah, and so I spent the summer in London and I saw Yeah, and I saw Wicked. I saw Wicked in London and I was so moved.

I never was afraid of witches again. Wow. Yeah, I was like intermission, did not want to get up out my seat. I was like, I'm ready for the second half, let's go. But I think it's because it told me like a story about the witch that I didn't It's like, oh, no, she's not a witch at all. Yeah, Which your Mother is a great game show for us to pitch to CBS. Which to CBS you think CBS about it? Yeah, Which your Mom is pretty good. I see the post is very easy, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I

really like it. What's the prize. What's the prize? Well, the prizes you live, I guess. If you pick. If you pick, you pick your If you pick your mother, you get to go home. If you pick the Witch, you have to stay and stay of the week at CBS. At like CBS studios. Yeah, let's see that. Radford. Just just get put in one of the offices there for a week. We do like a sort of magazine show about you. Anyway, what's the film that most people don't like?

It's not critically acclaimed, but you love it. You don't care what any of these idiots say about that film? What a boy? Oh yeah, great, great shot water Boy. It is such a good film. Yeah, he couldn't make that film now, just with like PC culture and stuff like, he could never make that. He's like, you have to ask yourself like as he handed you know, like what like you cannot make that film today? Yeah, but I loved like I loved it. I loved water Boy. Yeah, funny,

he's funny. I got no base with him. Yeah, he was like, well Medulla oblongata, Like it's just, uh, it's too funny that that's that movie is too funny. I'm I'm the water Boy. What come on? Sorry, I'm sorry. What is it the film that alternatively you used to love, You loved it, but you've watched it recently and you do not like it anymore for whatever reason. That may be. Okay, So I don't dislike it, but I don't think it

age as well. Ferris Bueller's day Off. Why do you believe that a well, a few things, Ferris Bueller was quite an asshole. I don't know. I just don't think that. Like the hero nowadays is not the asshole. You know. It took place in like Chicago, and it was like,

not a black person in sight. It's like this freaking teenage kid just got on a float in the middle of a parade in Chicago and was like, you know, like I just like it just when I watch it now, I have to suspend my disbelief so far to really appreciate the story being told. You know, but when I was a kid, I loved it. I wanted to be Ferres Viueler. I hated his sister. Yeah. The only thing that age as well and Ferris Bueller is the girlfriend.

She had on this white fringe leather jacket. And I'm like, where is that jacket? That jacket would look amazing today, Miss Sarah. Is it Mia Sarah, Miss Sarah's jacket? We must, we must get her name. Is that the actress's name? Oh? My god, I would love it. I would absolutely love it. Yeah. Well, let's let's make a night, shall we. I'm gonna tell Daniel what to get you for Christmas? What is the

film that means the most to you? Not necessarily the film itself is any good, but because the experience you had around seeing the film will always make it special to you. Is that, Nap Johnson? Okay, I have to change your question a little bit to answer this. The film. But the film isn't special to me. But I have never had this experience being a film before. Okay, so you know I said I was Ray is Muslim, right.

I don't know much about the church. But there was a time where a movie called The Passion of the Christ came out. Yes, I've seen it, and and I just kept hearing like that's all that was in a news cycle. That's what everyone talked to, you know. And this is like a bit before social media, but it still has the same like if something could have trended before social media. It's one of the biggest films of

all times, the biggest films of all time. And like none of my friends were I was young, you know, like none of my friends were talking about it. No, but but I remember feeling like, wow, people, there's these like there's nobody in the middle. I didn't hear anybody with passionate or christ go like I didn't hear that, you know, like I can take it or later. Yeah, it was like it was like really opposite ends of the spectrum, like amazing or like freaking hate did it right?

Like Black from This? And I was like, I got to see this film and I went by myself to the movie theater and I sat there and I watched that film, and I probably after the first ten minutes, I cried for two hours. Wow, I cried for two hours. And I'm talking about like it was painful to cry, right. And it wasn't like, um, it wasn't like all, you know, it was like really like I felt like I was watching the equivalent. This is gonna sound super crazy right now,

but forgive me. I felt I felt like I was watching what somebody today might describe as like George Floyd there George Floyd experience. Do you get what I'm saying? Like for me, it was just about like to watch somebody be like, forget the religious story, forget forget that they're saying that's Jesus. I sat and watched like human being be tortured for two hours and that that was that that just I just cried. I couldn't believe it. And so the reason why that's not the reason why

it stays with me. Though when I got up to leave after the film was over, you can see I'm visibly like swollen and distressed. And I'm also like this teenager, you know, I'm also like this young teenager and that the movies by herself that just finished watching this movie. And this woman comes up to me and she grabs my hand and she says, are you okay? And I was like trying to like get my words, and I'm like, yeah,

I'm you know, I'm okay, I'll be okay. And then she says to me, see why it's important to make Jesus your lord and say like she tried to come back me in that moment, and it pissed me. Or I went from one emotion who are not? And then I was so pissed. I was so upset that she

made it about the religion. I was so upset that she made it about this thing that, you know, this thing that everybody is fighting for control over, and then she did that it wasn't just about like a human being was just tortured right in front of us for two hours. And I said that to her. I was like what, Like I grabbed my hand away from her and I was like what. I was like, No, No, this isn't about Christianity at all or Jesus. I was like, I just watched the man tortured for two hours. That

was hard, she say. She just looked at me like, like, how dare I she would? I'm sure she wouldn't told this story much different, Like, you know, this was a girl who didn't care that it was Jesus. You know, do you think she was just waiting outside the screen and trying to convert people after every every showing. If she was doing that and they didn't kick her out the movie theater, then I'm gonna have to write amc Ale. Yeah, it's it's that's really interesting what it's Yeah, I mean

that film is kind of insane. It is just two hours of a man being tortured, tortured, and it's brue too, and I don't really like it too. It's horriful. It's really really really Harway, like, what is what? What is this? Yeah? Yeah, great, sons, I have a happier moment though, okay, we can keep that one. When I saw a Shrek the First Trek, yeah,

I'll never forget. I'll never forget. My friend she was like babysitting her niece that day and she's like, home, let me say movie theater, and I'm like to see what. She's like, i gotta take my niece to the movies to see Shrek. And I'm like a kid, I'm not going to do the movie. Like again, I'm like a cool teenager. Yeah, so I'm like, no, I don't want to do that. It was one of the best experiences.

I mean, I was laughing so hard. It made me realize that these like animated films, for the most part, they're not like four kids. Like the visual aspect of it are for kids, but the dialogue, the story, they're not for kids at all. Like I was laughing, So I was laughing so hard. I looked over at my friend's niece, who at the time was like four or five years old, and she was just like, you keep laughing at the donkey, what's funny? And I'm like, okay,

you don't even know. You don't even know how funny exactly. What is the film you most relate to zon. I don't know if I relate to a film. Is that bad? It's very interesting you say that. I find this is the question people struggle with the most. It depends. I mean, it's the reason it would surprise me you saying that is because you're obviously you've been so affected by so many things in the films you've talked about. You know, you're you're obviously very empathetic and sensitive, and you take

these things and even though it's just the film. You could argue to the film, but you're devastated by things you've seen or whatever. But that you you don't think that you've connected with any of them in a way like that relates to you. Is interesting. Like I don't know if I've ever watched anything a film and saw myself. I have watched things and like wondered, like what that's like, you know, but I honestly don't think that I've seen

a story or a character portrayed on film. And I mean, look, maybe this is just like an enlightening moment for me that I have some work to do in creating, you know, because I don't I don't feel like I see myself somebody that I relate to on camera very often. Then, Yeah, I would take this as really exciting news because that means you've got to fucking make something. Yeah, this is very cool. At least at least you know whatever you're gonna make hasn't been done. Yeah, oh my god, I'm

trying to. And there's like films that I love, like I loved Film and Louise I love like this, I loved Annie. I loved so many films. But I never see myself. I'm even thinking about films with like all women, Like I'm thinking about like colored purple, women of Bruce, of like women of you know, like black Man. I don't I watch it, and I'm like, dang, I wonder what that was like. But I don't see myself at all. Yeah, what's the sexiest film You've ever seen? Sexiest film I've

ever seen. It's called Takers. Are you familiar with Takers? Takers? I called I called Takers the Fine Boy movie because it has every fine boy in the movie. It has It's just Elba, it has Michael Ealy, it has Hayden Christiansen, it has Chris Brown, like it's like every every fine man of the Wait. Wait, wait, Chris Brown, carry on, Chris Brown debatable for something. But I'm a huge Chris

Brown crusher, So okay. But it had like it just had like a body of like fine men, right, and then they had to like you know, I don't know, it was like a scheme or something. I don't really remember the plot. I just remember what they were trying to take. They were trying to take something or something doesn't better. Yeah they were takers, yeah, but they were really what they really take. It was my fucking heart, my my libido. Yeah. I didn't know the word for it.

But it's like it's not like magic, my it's not like men being strippers. It's like sexy in a different way, you know, just men taking shit. Just say, that's so funny. That's a bit. It's a good tagline. They're just fine and they're taking and they're taking shit. Well. There's a subcategory to these questions ain't have done. Subcategory is traveling bone is worrying? Why dones a film you found arousing

that you weren't sure you should. I mean, I could say, and this is totally not this category, but I do, I am aroused by stuff like this. I could say, like a film like The Notebook, you know, because I just think a man's like undying love for a woman. It's just super super around. I don't I think it's interesting you find that worrying. Why don't that sounds like a nice sounds like a nice healthy Why it's like it's like, oh, that's the poorn I want to see.

He just he no, no, no private parts. He built a house. Oh that gets me going. Look at him really respectful and sticking around forever. Look at him, he's he's running to her in the rain. Oh that's that's the spot. Oh, I mean yeah. There is a scene though, and set it off, which is not like a film that you should ever be aroused spy. Well, I could see that. It's just like four women, you know, like four badass women. Yeah, yeah, that exactly. That's the female Takers.

But there's a scene where Jada Pinketts character she has sex with Blair Underwood h And it's so like sensual at first, and then it's just like this perfectly angled view of like what it's supposed to be Jada Pinkett's ass. And two things happened to me whenever I see it. One, I'm like oh, and then two, I'm like, I wonder if that's a body double, and then that's it. You know who's who is the body double. I'm gonna spoil it for you. It's Julia Robert's best friend. She did

very well as Jada Pinketts. That would be amazing. And also she only had one job ever in life and that sucks. Yeah, well, she's all right, She's don't worry about Oh, what is objectively, objectively the greatest film ever made. Might not be your favorite, but it's objective to be the greatest. Actually tried to convince an audience of this the other day and they were not on board with it. Forrest Gump. Wow, okay, what was that reaction? It's interesting.

If you I'm gonna have to make you listen to it. An old episode of the podcast that I had with Dame Baptiste where he gives a very, very, very convincing argument that Forrest Gump is a film let me hear your I will leave it with you. Tell me your theory and why it's the greatest. There's so much happening, and Forrest Gump is again a film that they could not make today. If you walked in a room. Today, we'll talk about like a Jenna. I don't know what

love is Jenna. They would be like they would they would run you out of town yea with a hashtag cancelation. Notice. Yeah, Forrest Gump was somebody that like, Okay, here's here's the reason why it's the greatest movie. Because it took one man. It took one kind of like I'm just gonna call him an autistic savant. I don't know what he was right where he managed to be the most unlikely person

in every greatest moment in history. And because they did that, and it was laced with it was effortlessly laced with like a love story, a man's undying love for this woman. Yeah, it was laced with these unlikely friendships that just you know,

that developed. And then because you travel through decades with this person, through this person's life, you get to experience via film some of the greatest moments that you weren't around to see, some of the greatest music that you weren't around to expl you know what I'm saying, You get to live through time. Forrest Gump is like it's like a happy go lucky history lesson that everybody needs of an America? Is it really America? No? But it is the idealistic version, Like who else to tell it?

Forest is not like a straight white guy. We hate straight white men right now. Forest is like Forest is like a level above special needs, and that's the straight white guy we can always get behind. Lcen is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. That's the greatest film. Yeah, yeah, Forest, Have you ever, sorry, Forest, have you ever seen a box of chocolates? They do tell you what's in them. You'll see what you're gonna

get on the inside. But that is so true. But have you ever eaten a box of chocolates and you know exactly what it says, but you still bite it and look inside as if you don't know what it actually says. You're absolutely right, Forest, it's the greatest rhapsolutely right. You've done it. You've done it. What's the film you could or have watched the most over and over again coming to America? Correct? What's the film? Now? We don't like to be negative saying that it fairly quick? What's

the worst film we've ever seen? Human Centipede? Fair enough? And I saw it while in London. I know it takes place in Germany or something like that, but I tend to, you know, the entire European you know, and I was just like, oh, oh my god, somebody put me on a flight immediately. These people are crazy. I don't even want my passport stamped. Get me out of here. Did you see it in the cinema? No? Okay, did

friends make you watch it? I watched it on my own because I saw, like I think I maybe watching My sister's husband is British and so they lived there for a while, and I think that maybe I was just up late one day. I probably watched it with my sister and her husband, but I think I suggested it and I was like, it's like uh like, I'm like, this can't be like you know how you have to watch and then it's so fun task it's so what

you know. But you also can't look away because you have to see how it you You need to be redeemed. That's not a film that you just stopped watching. You need you need for somebody to get away or for some you know, like you but terrible at the end, I was like oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no no no no no no no, no no no, Europe, we have to change this. Thank you. What is that you're in comedy? You're very funny. What's the film that made you laugh the most? Sat M.

Johnson probably forty year old Virgin Funny film. Funny film and my favorite part, the funniest part, I believe is an improviscene. It is between Kevin Hart and Romani Malco. I hope I'm saying his name right. But Kevin comes in Kevin's character and this is like before the world loves Kevin, but this is like I don't think Kevin has done any better, like like he's good, sure, but it's like I'm like that that was like pure freaking comedy.

You know. He comes in and he like he wants a discount, and he feels like Romani's character should give him a discount just because he's black, right, And so he's like, this is not how that works, like you know you, and he's like, get your man. Like they just go back and forth and I can't I can't really say it. I can't really say it because it involves the N word. But at some point he's like, no,

you you wanted the N word. You got the N word, No, you got to like it was just it's so I can watch that scene over and over and over, and I think it's because at some point you see that Kevin wants to break, Like you see that. It's it's you know when you watch comedians and they're they're one up in each other in the scene, and it's like in one of them and it's like, I don't know, it's like who's gonna win the battle of this improv? You know, And I feel like that's what that movie

is so hysterical to me. But that scene is hilarious. Love it, Love it. Zaynab Johnson, you have been one of the greatest. I've loved this. I've loved every aspect of this. However, when you were ninety three years old, three times three times three times three three out the three made nine with the three four threes magic number.

You were ninety three, you were in your all white linen bedroom, all white linen everywhere, not on the ceiling, let's be real, just on your furniture, and you were laying in your bed and you you were told this was the day, this was the day you were going to die. You were very healthy. But you said today to day didn't die. And you were with Daniel, lovely, lovely, lovely Daniel, like a like a young Colin Firth. There he was Daniel, and he said, my darling, my angel.

I've loved you all my life. And he said, I'm going to do my favorite things. I'm going to cry telling this, and he said, I'm going to do your favorite thing. And he rubbed your feet and you said, I love you, Daniel, thank you for being goofy for all these years. And he said I just liked making you laugh. And you close your eyes and you peacefully went to a curated heaven where he saw all your favorites. Anyway, I'm walking by with a coffin, you know, I'm like

and I'm like, I wonder where's Nymies? And I'm like, oh no, I know what day of the week it is. I got upstairs. Daniel. He's still at your He's on his knees at a better guy. You're okay, Daniel, and we hug. That's what Daniel was like. He's a big he's a really good huggers, a big old hug. And he leaves the room and I say, don't worry. I'll take care of this and I'll pop you in the coffin.

But the coffin I got for you was smaller than it was a bit small because you had a narrow corridor, so I knew you stay away with his nose again up there, sending me different anyway, I really have to stuff you in the coffin. But because you've had the nicest death we've ever had, this actually goes quite well. Just get you in the coffin. But there's really not enough room in this coffin for anything else. There's only

enough room to put a DVD. Slip it in the side for you to take across to the other side. And on the other side, it's movie night. Every night, one night, it's your movie night. What film are you taking to show everyone in heaven when it's your movie night? Say Nev Johnson. I'm so sorry to give the same answer again. Coming to America. It's coming to America. You

know what it is. I've watched Coming to America so many times I can I can recyte this movie to you without I don't even need the film playing, And still, after one hundred plus views, I enjoy it the same, and I discover something different. You know what else is one of the rare films from twenty years ago? What

is it twenty years ago? Yeah, Bertie at this point, Yeah, that has red comedy films that has dated very well, Like it isn't it's surprisingly kind of progressive and you know what I mean, Like there so many films of that era you're watching now and you're like, oh god, where It's coming to America is still still holds up in every aspect when I agree with you. And I realized that I started watching sciencelf for the first time,

and I was like, this is interesting. These jokes don't really age well, like they it's like irrelevant what he's talking about, right, in my opinion. But when I first decided that I was going to do comedy, I went to open mics and then someone told me to try this class, this comedy class, and the woman who was teaching this comedy class told me get up one stage and do your favorite joke. And I was like, my favorite joke and she was like, yeah, do a joke.

You want to be a comedian, tell me your favorite joke, right, And I got up on stage and I did this exactly brat I said, hold up, hold up. Hold A man goes to a restaurant. He orders a bowl of soup. The waiter brings him a bola stop. The man says, uh uh, take this tou back in the way that says, what is the soup too hot? The man take the stop bag. He's like, what is the soup too cold? And he's like, would you just taste the soup? And he's like, where's the spoon? Uh huh? Whatever? That joke is?

That joke at the ENDIM coming to a mecca. I told that joke, I told I told that joke. I didn't tell a verbatim now, but I told that joke verbatim, and everybody watching was like and I was like, he told me to tell my favorite joke. And at the time, it's like I didn't really know jokes verbatim, you know, like I didn't really know people's and that was this. That was the joke that I remembered. That's here you are now, taste the suit, taste the soup. This has

been wonderful. Is there anything you would like to tell people to look out for, to listen to to watch. Yeah, they can watch the second season of Upload when it premiers UM in January twenty twenty, which is on Amazon. UM. I just watched the full second season. Oh oh it's good. I am happy. I think that if anybody liked the first season, then the second season is just gonna be like music. You know, it's just gonna it's just gonna double down on the things that you love. Um. They

can of course listen to my podcast. It's called Honesty with z h O n E s t e A with z. It's available wherever you get podcasts. And if you guys want to check out my social media, it's Zane av Johnson on Everything and yeah, I do shows and stuff and say stand up and see really fucking good right, say no. This has been an absolute joy and I'm so excited for you to meet Daniel and thank you very much. Thank you, thank you, good bye, thank you, thank you. So it was episode one hundred

and seventy. Head over to patreon dot com forward slash Breck Goldstein for the extra twenty minutes of chat, secrets and video with Zanab. Go to Apple Podcast, give us a five star rating and write about the film that means the most to you and why it's a very nice thing. To read, helps numbers, Marian loves it, etc. Thank you very much. Thank you to Zaynab for doing the show. Thanks to Scruby's pipping the Distraction Pieces Network, Thanks the Buddy Piece for producing it. Thanks to ACAS

for hosting it. Thanks to Adam Richardon for the graphics and least alladd them for the photography. Thank you all for listening. Come and join me next week where my guest. I will not tell you until you here next week's episode. You were going to love it, so that is all. I hope you're all well. That is it for now. In the meantime, have a lovely week, and please, now more than ever, be excellent to each other.