Susan Wokoma (Episode 116 Rewind!) • Films To Be Buried With with Brett Goldstein #240

great episode. I think you'll love it if you've never heard it before, and if you have heard it, you'll enjoy it again. In the meantime, everything you want for the show or the extras, videos, secrets, other bits, and the whole of all the episode, ever, uncut and ad free, are available at the Patreon at patreon dot com. Forward Slice Brett Goldstein. Also, the very last episode of season one of Shrinking is happening this week on Apple TV Plus.

If you haven't watched the show after this week, you can watch the whole thing in one go. You can binge it. And episode two of ted Lasso season three is going to be out this week on Apple TV Plus, so you can watch all of that over there. I hope that you're loving both. So that is it for now. I hope you're all well. Thank you for listening, and I very much hope you enjoy this rewind classic of films to be buried with. Hello, and welcome to films

to be married with. It is me Brett Goldstein, and I am joined today by an actor, a right her, an award winner, an instagrammer, a Twitter tara, a guilty feminist, a podcaster, a woman of the people, a saint amongst us that walks as if she's not one and keeps it under her, a legend, a superstar, and the greatest person currently on a zoom. Please welcome to the show, the brilliant Susie. We go. Ah, it's only going to get better. You thought that was good? Wait, I stout

talking just you wait. Thank you for doing this, Susie. It's lovely to see you, Lesia, lovely to see you. I suppose we have to ask, how is your lockdown life? How is your pandemic life? It's just it's what it isn't it? Oh, it's fine. Have you done any acts. Yeah, I've done. I've done like lots of voiceovers right loads, which has been lovely. Okay, I'm about to start filming in a couple of weeks. That's like my first like proper big chunk of filming, which will probably stop after

a day. Yeah. Yeah, that's Batman in it. Like they started shooting Batman, they were like, yeah, let's start, and then Robert Patterson got Batman got COVID. Yeah, it sort of undermines your superhero if your superhero gets COVID. Yeah, do you have you been told if you can tell us if you're shooting in two weeks, have you been sent like a list of rules of things you're going to have to do? Well, I'm self isolating right now.

So we've got a self icol for two weeks before we start, and then basically we can sort like the actors because we've got like being scenes together and stuff and all of that. But like everyone else is like they have to keep away from us. Apparently there's COVID police on set with like a measuring thing sing too, but that's new, that's a new job. Yeah, COVID police and what they're going to do like poke you with a stick to move you back a bit. I hope so they don't come near it. I hope so, I

hope get away from Susan. I'm like, go away from poking for you. Sounds all right, that's quite a good gig. Also a good TV show Corona Please cod I mean it depends. You have to think about the life of the show, like how much can you kind of squeeze from it? Like how long is this going to go on for? If this is forever, then you've got what twenty eight series the reckon you got well, because there's there's the sort of please camera action version where we're

just filming Corona Police. But that's the one. I forget the other way. That's the word. It's the reality one. That's what you want. And just you can do the voiceovers when you're isolating joint is poking Susan with a stick because he can see she's thirty centimeters over the lane. I'd watched this show. Do you watch it? Would? Actually, to be fair, riddle me this right, here's the truth. Hands in the air. I've known you. I've known you as an actor, and i've known you on the podcasts

and being very funny and interesting. I didn't know until I did a little google that you've got a series of sex lads. Do you know what when you said that, Honestly, my heart went, Oh my god, that out there it was going to happen. I've been waiting for the day that my public you need to come into the office. But you need to come into the office. There's pictures of your funny everywhere, and like, show me and then I'm going to show it to me. Funny. I just

that funny, that funny checks. I'm proud of my fact. That's what when your picture of your family goes out. When my picture of my family goes out, which it will, I have to like, that's going to then be my career. It's just like proud of my fanny woman. Yeah. So you're then going to start doing like speaking arrangements and stuff where you go up, this is my family. Does it? Does it work you? Well, then there's something wrong with you. Yes. I like this show as well. This is a great

picture meeting so far. Yes. Other than you the quite abandoned amount of sex tapes that are out there on the internet, I also discovered that you you were in the right. You were one of the writers on sex education, which yeah, I was in the writer's room. Can you explain how that works? And then because I've never understood, is it an English show? Yeah? So the writer's room

is a very American thing. Yeah. They so this is for the second series, and the first series wasn't out yet, so it wasn't the big, huge show that it is. We didn't know what it was, right, And so they got a few of us in largely comedians, actually in the writer's room and we just bashed out ideas for a month really, and then a few of them got scripts and I didn't, which was like, okay, I know I'm busy, but I could say very rude. But yeah, No,

it was interesting. I mean I enjoyed like the first bit of it because that was literally us going and what if she comes in with like three heads and then putting up in the board, what if she comes to the machine gun and all of that stuff. And then the second two weeks was like okay, now, seriously, no, we've got eight episodes that we need to map out, and we're like, oh, oh, oh, maybe she goes to the shops. It was like that, I see that makes sense.

How many of you were in the room. How many writers? Oh, how many of us? There was me, Richard god One, Risk One. It was like maybe four of us new Bees, and then Laurie who's the creator, Sophie, he'd been on the show before. Yeah, so there was like maybe eight of us in the room. It's quite intense. And it was above a sex shop on Oxford Street. Inspiration, I don't know. I don't know. I think it's meant to be like, Oh, we're a double of a sex shop

producting about sex. And then about day three I was like, oh, that should be a pret was popping down for lunch. Does anyone need a deal? Day? I mean, oh yeah, okay, yeah, it loses its people. Isn't it a sex shop after day three? It does? Yeah, especially if you're kind of like in the middle of town. You've been like, but you know, last day I did go in. I did get I quite remember I got. I did get like something nipple tassels. Oh, I think that's a classy buy

from the sture. What did she I wouldn't have predicted that. What would you have predicted the old nipple tess? Mhm, I forget that. That's an option huh nips bothered. Fascinating because I've seen her her fanny out tour and I realized, haven't she showed the lips? Yeah, but it's a classy move. So and the last question before we get onto the very serious business of your life and chilm, what about

the writing? So because you you made a short, you wrote a short, wrote one all the awards, It won all the awards, though, did a short with the sky the Sky comedy. They just basically asked me, do you want to write something? I was like, how quickly will it get made? Later next week? And I went all right, because I don't want to. I don't want to suck around with us, like I know what short films could be, like, get it quick if you got the money. Yes, all right?

He as a fucking script. I didn't say that. I was very numb. It was very It's called Love the Sinner, and it's about my mum and her grieving for Princess Diana, which if anybody is from the African diasporo, that's a thing.

Like my mum and all her friends, all these Nigerian women were obsessed with Diana, Like yeah, my mom had this book which was like Diana's fashions and it was just pictures of Diana, like getting out of cars at like premieres, and I used to I mean, my mum was angry about it, but I cut Diana out and they would put up my dolls of Diana like Diana was the one. She was the one. When when she died,

my mum was. There is like a trope of like African women being very loud and whatnot, which isn't necessarily true. But on the morning of Diana's death, my mum was screaming on the floor like and it woke us kids up. We ran downstairs, run mom and bear in my I'm like nine, ten, I'm a child. I run in. Now look at the news and there's that the graphic footage of like the car being pulled out. I'm like, I look at my mom and my mum is on the

floor weeping, screaming, taking me instead. That is the batum, the batum. Four kids we're looking at her, like mom, she was like, fuck the bathing. And I just thought even then, I was like this documents, No, yeah, that's the short. Even then, looking at waving on the floor, I thought it's funny. This is good, this is good. This is some good stuff. What did your what's your your? Is your mum? She seen the short? Yeah, she seen the short. In fact, there's quite a few of the

costumes that are her clothes. So I sort of went around to the old family house and we tried on lots of stuff, like stuff that I remember her wearing at like my little sister's fourth birthday and my birthday. It was really weird. He loved it, she was. She basically was like, it's a documentary about me. I was like, yeah, pretty much. Yeah, kind oh, Suzi, Yeah, I forgoten to tell you something. What oh fuck? I should have said it at the beginning, maybe when I texted, h no,

I'm just gonna have to say it. I'm sorry, but I'll just say it. You died, You died? Sorry, fucking yeah, how did you die? It was definitely choking. Yeah. One thing, Yeah, do you know what I'm yeah, I do. Yeah. I was at Thattude Festival and I was getting in this spirit of stuff and I put a lot of glitter on my face. I like to do that one side, nice little pattern there, and as I was dancing to

I think it was Texas. Do you remember Texas? Yeah, yeah, Charlie Terry was giving it loudy on the step and the glitter melted down my face and into my mouth and then but I didn't I didn't think anything of it that I went back. Yeah. Yeah. Then I went back to my tent and I choked on my glitter died alone. Oh god, when did this happen? This happened last year? Yeah, yeah, God, And I'm sorry taking me this learns to tell you. I know, we just haven't

been We've both been very busy. So I had a feeling. I just was walking around like I have a feeling, like no one called me. I was like, that's weird. I was checking whether I'm all right. Do you worry about death? Nah? Not really, not really, because it's just going to happen in it. I worry about the manner. I don't want it to be like something horrific that

my family have to think about. But I would like it to be funny, like oh, but like not har har, like you're in the church whilst my body is, you know, kind of like she died. She died doing what she loved, oh, rather than she chucked on cheese. Which is so probable. So hang on, you don't want it a funny death, but you won't be funny. Yeah. So cheese, Yeah, yeah, she died. She died doing what she loved, eating cheese,

and then got hit by a cut. Yes, okay, yeah, so like but yeah, so it's like, oh sad, but she had cheese in her in her throat. I don't know you. Do you think there's an afterlife of some kind? Yeah? Yeah, totally, yeah, man, I love it. Tell me listen. We don't know, right. So people who are like there's absolutely nothing afterwards, I'm like, you don't fucking know that. You don't know that you leave stupid little ship. Anything could be on the other

side of this, and like, I've seen a ghost. So I'm afraid You're now going to have to tell this story. It would be remiss of me not too. Do you know it's actually linked to the first couple of questions? Okay, if it means that story is coming, I will put will hold off, hold on. But so you don't know, but you think that there's in your head? Do you think there's a heaven? Weird energy? Like? What what is it? Oh?

And more an energy versus a god. But I think that this ship gets I basically think in life you're meant to like learn stuff you meant to. It's like Jedi school. You meant to learn all the ship. You're meant to be like up in your vibration. Boo boo boo boo booh. They die, right, There's loads of people who just don't do that because you're just too busy like scratching your balls and like just being a fucking dickhead on earth. So then you die and you haven't

learned all the lessons. And if you haven't learned all the lessons, you're just going to keep doing this shit until you learn all the lessons. And the thing is, the things that you didn't learn before are just gonna come. So when people are gonna be like, oh my god, my life is so hard, it's like, yeah, because you didn't learn your lesson when you're in the Victorian era. And then sometimes you learn your lesson, and sometimes you don't learn your lessons and then like it just continues.

But people who are like on a higher vibration, I feel like there's a point where they just like become a tree. It's one of my favorite answers we've ever had. I don't really believe that I'm with you become a star or something. I don't know. I don't know. Where do you feel? I mean, you're on a pretty higher vibration. What do you think? Yeah? Yeah, I'm a bit psychic. Tell me everything that relates to another star? Great? Oh

this is gonna be great. All right, well listen, let's get to it then, because I want to hear all this hit. Those weren't segues that I preplanned. I just am psychic, and there's something that comes I didn't. I didn't plan that. I know what you're going to ask me, so because I said you the questions because I'm psychic. Yeah, you've any questions? Right? No? What? Okay, here's the thing. There is a heaven as well. You you pause there

for a bit before you head back to learn more lessons. Right, and in this heaven, everyone wants to talk about this life. Not a TV show. They want to talk about your life. They want to know about your life through films. And the first thing they ask you is what's the first film you remember seeing? Cesar wookhma a film called a Necker, The Pretty Serpent. Hold up, it's an Hollywood film and it was like huge in the early nineties, like huge, like probably one of the first. If no one knows

what Nollywood is, it's Nigerian Hollywood, Nigerian films. And my mum was in our front room with some girlfriends and they were watching this film and I came in that exactly like that, and I saw the image that I saw was this woman who like became a snake. No, she became a cat. And I had no context. No one was worried about the child in the room, right, So yeah, that was the first. That was the first bit of movie I ever saw a woman becoming a cat. Yeah.

I must have been about maybe six five six. Where was this happening. This was in when we lived in Camberwell in our front room. Okay, yeah, and you got can I ask you've got brothers and sisters all that. Yeah, I've got older sister, older brother, little sister, so four of us, Okay, yeah, we're close in age. I'm really close to my little sister because she's cool and she thinks I'm cool because i'm older. But the other two, because I'm the younger, they think I'm a dickhead. But

she very exciting, so she can stay there. Okay, cool, that's good to know. So you saw a cat a woman turned into a cat, and did you think this is my future? Nah? I was like, oh, but like genuinely, I remember just going Oh. I felt concerned. I was a very concerned child. They say capricorns, which I am. They age backwards, so you come out the womb like, I'm very concerned about this. Yeah, and then as you get older, you just become a fucking clown, which is

exactly what's happening with me. That's amazing. I walked in and I saw the screen and I just was very concerned for it was freaking me out. And also it was very it's nineties graphics and special effects, which is terrible. What's the show you do with Matt Berry Year of the Rabbit? I thought it was Year of the Cat for a second into it. If you turned into a rabbit, that would have been great, but different story. Fascinating. What is the film that scared you the most? He rubs

his hands together. Well, I am afraid it is Anika the Pretty Serpent who hits for Anna the pretty Serpent. By the way, pretty Serpent. It turns into a cat. Where's the serpent? Bit? This is? This is what I don't remember. So the premise of the film is that it's this woman. She's a mermaid and she is disguised as a human and her mission on earth is to

go after married men. This is a very nice Okay, So Nigerian films they've got I mean they've evolved now, but definitely in the nineties they had like a few subjects, like themes, and one was witchcraft. One was women taking married men, and then the other ones were witches taking married men and that was it. That was what the stories were. And so this woman was like a mermaid and she was like going after married men, and it shitted me up so badly that I developed nightmares for

a year and developed sleep paralysis. Oh wow as a result of watching this because I would at the door and my mama and her friends didn't see see me. So I watched a lot of it. Do you still have sleep paralysis? I still have sleep paralysis? Yeah? That horrible. Yeah, that's when I'm like, I'm like, I don't know. It comes and goes and I haven't had it for a while. But it's hot. But imagine being a child that's fucked up. Do you imagine a cat woman sat on your chest?

I'm I did imagine a cat at the end of my bed. Yeah, and it would sort of just look at me and then it would crawl up and then it would disappear, like into my belly, so it would go like walk but that and I thought it was like I thought I was pregnant. There was a lot of things going on as child. I thought it was pregnant with the cats. Yeah, yeah, dark stuff. You can watch it. It's like on YouTube, this film. I like the sound of it. So do you like being scared?

You don't like being scared? I thought of d I thought, I like, I hate it, but I love it. I love the build up to it, and then when it happens, I fucking hating. Then afterwards, I'm I survived. I do quite. I do idea, I do quite like it. What is the film that made you cry the most? I Daniel Blake, I Daniel Blake, end credit after the end, or bring for anyone. But I sat in the cinema and I

cried so heavily. Number one, I got a nose bleed, yeah, And number two the woman sat in the row ahead of me came around, sat next to me and gave me a hug. That's so sweet. I was INCONSI I was, and I think I think one of the things was I didn't expect to get that emotional like when I

was watching. When I see those kind of films that are very kind of gritty and very realistic, there's a bit of me that's a little bit on the defense of it, just because I am working class, and sometimes when I've watched films like that, I'm a bit like, really, yeah, you're not going to make me cry man this film, and I was like strong like most of it, I was like, yeah, I know this happens. I know this happens. This has happened to neighbors and friends of mine. I

know you're not preaching to me. I know. And then by the end, no one's done. I was done. Yeah, totally, that is totally legit answer. But I do have to point out that we're three questions in and you still haven't told me where this ghost comes. Do you promise this ghost story is coming? Okay? No, I have to tell the ghost story. Okay. Oh. I didn't say yeah, okay. I assumed it was in this scary movie a bit, but it was, and I forgot. Okay, there's quite a

few during that. Okay, all right, the scary story. I was in bed um and I used to share a bunk bed with my older brother who's like a year and a half older than me, so we were like kids. And he was on the top bunk. I was on the bottom bunk, and he was talking to me, like we would tell each other's stories and stuff like nothing scary, and he was talking to me, and all I could see at the end of the bed, so the bunk

bed was this head appear upside down. By that went my hand and it had fangs and blood trickling down the fang, so the blood there was like a trail of blood going across the eyes upside down, just staring at me at the bottom of the bunk. Because when I get scaredbled when I was a kid, when I got scared, I just go silent. And then my brother was talking and I said to him, I was like, you are you looking at me over the bed right now? And then he popped his head down to the side

here and he went, no, I'm not. And I looked at the end of the bed and it was still fucking there. Oh let's give me a shiver. No, no, you just literally popped the days up. No, I'm here. I went, Okay, that's right. Information. What was that? I don't know, but like what would happen? Like we sleep paralysis, you can sometimes like see hallucination, So I'm guessing it

was that. But that, out of all of them, that was the most real and vivid, like to this day, I can see it before, Like all the other ones were like shapes and like a black sort of missed thing, but that one was like a fate and fangs in the blood. Yeah, it's unusual that you that you get vampires and guys stories, I know. Yeah, And I like that, breaking a breaking boundaries, mixing genres and I love it, I really do. I mean, shall tell you a little

guy story. This fuck. So I read the book Conversations with Mark Frost. Mark Frost is the guy who with David Lynch made Twin Peaks. Huge fan. Anyway, this book is just a million you know, interviews with him and the guy's asking him like, are you you know what

do you think about spiritual stuff? Blah blah blah. Anyway, he says, one day we did a weegie board when I was he was working in a in a fiat in somewhere in America, and he said, him and the crew one night at midnight decided to do a weigie board in the empty on the empty stage, and he says, the thing started moving around. He said, look, you know, you can tell me whatever explanation you want. But the thing fucking moved at pace around and none of us

were controlling it. And there had been this kid who had worked as an usher at the in the place, who'd hung himself in the place, and there'd always because it was the only place that he'd felt he belonged or something. Yeah, it was like five years ago something

like that. So they say, what's your name? And the thing spells out that that kid's name, and they say where are you and he says, he spells out t op top, but there isn't There is another stage space around the corner that is called the other place t op. So they say do you mean the other place and he says no, and then they hear running across the

rafters above their head and they fucking run. I mean, I've scared myself telling that again a little Oh my god, I would have myself was start crying and he said, he said, I don't. He said, look, you know, I don't know what it was, but I'll never do a Weedi board again. I don't think you should dabble with that stuff. I've never No. I think we tried to do on his kids, but we were like, we weren't taking it seriously. But I don't. I genuinely wouldn't do it. Yeah,

I wouldn't do it. I don't want to invite because look, I'm thirty two. Then say I'm thirty two, Say I do a wedi bored like when things all a bit better when I'm thirty three, Then that's the rest of my life. I'm dealing with this fucking ghost. That's like being that's the rest of your life in it. That is the rest. But if you're doing it, if you're daming in your well, have you seen the film Host, the zoom horror film what oh, you gotta watch it?

I assume everyone's seen it, but they haven't. Go on your Amazon and go to Shudder and watched the film called Host, which is a zoom and it sounds like it's going to be boring, but it's not. It's a zoom and they do a seance on the zoom. And then I did have it. I did to have a thing I've watched over zoom With two friends, I watched Don't Fuck with Cats, Oh yeah, and that it wasn't what I thought it was. It ended up being about

this proper psychopath murderer. We watched it at night, and I kept so I'd be watching it on like one screen and then look at my friend's screen and I just kept imagine like somebody behind them as they're watching it, start cutting off their neck or something. Yeah. So there was two horror films going on at the same time. I was, oh stressed. I had to burn sage. I had to burn stage in my whole room. I was like, my guys thought that was so fun. Back, I love it,

love it. Are you alone living alone? Yeah? I'm living alone. That's why I'm right. Yeah. Yeah, terrible, terrible, terrible to watch horror films and then have to Anyway, we'll move on. What is the film that you love? You love it. Most people don't like it. It's critically not acclaimed, but you don't give a shit. You're like this film, fucking brilliant burlesque. Wait a second, burlesque is the one who's the lead in that, Christina Aguilera's Christina Aguilera's film and Share.

That's right, two titans. One film. Tell me about burlesque. I have to hands up. I have not seen burlesque. Would you believe it? You should carve some time out to watch burlesque. It's about this girl who's meant to be mousey, but she's Christine nut Aguilera, and she just wants to be a singing star. And so she turns up to this burlesque club in the middle of nowhere, and then she wants to get on stage and be a singer. But they're not about that, the burlesque club.

They're about dancing, and so she starts off. I think she's called Ali, you know, one of those American names. It's like, I'm a mouse. And then she's like serving drinks and shares like whoa, I'm Share, and she's like I want to be like Share. And then Stanley Tucci he's there like doing costumes, going m I'm you know Stanley tu when he does that, and then eventually she gets on the stage by way of this boy that

she fancies. They're falling in love, and then she starts sing again, and then there's a song in it that she released. The thing that I love about it is the kind of small town girl makes it big star thing, which is just brilliant. The soft focus, you've never seen softer light on It's like it's by someone just got bassolina. I don't need to see anything. It's almost like they're trying to hide the film from you, like, don't really cross your eyes. Yeah, it's what they do. It's what

they're doing. Don't see it really, And then you've got the other thing that I love about it is whoever edited it was on crack because they like there are scenes that just go like one person's talking and it will cut from that person to that person to that and then it's over. You're like, why are you rushing? Why are you rushing me? The edit is a thing of I've never seen just like that, that that that that someone's talking, the camera's gone there, we don't care

about you. It's come back to you then and then this next scene, I'm not I'm very stressful. Edit is amazing. I really will watch that film now you've held it. When you watch it, you will know what I mean. By the editor, you'll know what I mean, love it. What is the film that you used to love? You loved it, but then you've watched it recently and you've gone,

oh no, this doesn't held up for me. For whatever reason that may be, this one makes me really sad because because I put it on recently, remembering the feeling that I had when I watched it before, and I watched it a few times before loved it, and I wanted to feel like I was feeling a bit down. I was like, this is gonna this is gonna pick me up. Yeah, And I watched it and I was like, this has not aged well in Bruges. Go on, talk to me. I got issues issues with that one. Well.

I saw it when I was in I think it was in sixth form. I think I bunked off a class because I wanted to go to the cinema and I saw it and I loved it. I fell in love with Bruge. I was like, where is this magical? Fell in love with it to the point where I traveled to Bruge. I went terrailing around Europe and I ended in Bruge and I fucking did it, Like, it's

really spooky. It's got a freemasony vibe. Yeah. And then I went to go and see the blood, the christ blood that's been congealed like in the film, like proper. I loved it, but of a spooky vibe. Then I put it on and I was like, this is I'm not somebody who gets offended very easily, but there are bits of it. I was like, this is off key about small people, dwarfism, race. I don't know, like I just was. I thought it sounded like Zinger and smart just was not landing, didn't. I didn't feel very nice

watching it. I felt like a bad person watching its Yeah, that makes complete sense to me. I remember when I watched the film. It does the thing that I'm going to say this and you're going to be like, oh, well, what a great guy. But I read it is that where it lost me is there's a scene where he punches a woman in the face in the restaurant and it's meant to be funny, and I'm like, you've lost me.

I don't enjoy this, ye, I now sort of don't like, don't like you, And it isn't like I'm being subversive. It's like, it's just kind of horrible. I remember being like, well, and also that thing of people laughing in the cinema, and I'll be like, I don't like this. All the things that you were meant to be laughing at, you weren't going, Oh, isn't that ridiculous? Isn't that you were meant to like be cheering the person who's doing it

or saying it on ye. That bit really that through me as well, because I sort of didn't remember it from the first time. And then the line about the bad black girl on a wing or something like that, it just was so needless. And I think Brian um as it's Brian Gleason, isn't it, Yeah, Brendan, there we go. Sorry Brian, Sorry Brian who doesn't exist, Brian better name. And then there was this there was a line where he's like, oh, my wife who's now dead, who we

never see, is black. So and I was just like, okay, so everything right, you can say that black joke, but like he's had a dead black wife that we never meet, so it's okay. I was just like yeah, but I was really sad. I was really sad that. I just think that can't pass anymore. Really well, listen, let's give the film love for sending you into Veiling Interbrees itself. It inspired that, so it did a really amazing thing in your life. It's just a shame, and just it's

a shame that he enjoys. It's a shame it was going to let yourself down with the old bunch in the face. But it's a shame. What is the film that means the most to you? Not necessarily the film itself is very good, but because of the experience you had around seeing the film that will always make it

special to you. I was in ones Worth, Sinney World with my then boyfriend Andrew Blessing, and there wasn't very many of us in the screen, but there was a group of really fucking annoying kids just making noise and I was like, we're watching a psychological thriller right now. You're ruining it, pricks. I didn't say that. I was like,

excuse me. The whole film literally beginning to end. Halfway towards the end of the film, they all get up and head downstairs out of the cinema, and this is where my psychic ability kicked in and I turned to my boyfriend Andrew and I was like, we need to get out, and he was like why. I was like, we need to leave. In that moment, the kids come back with a bigger kid holding a knife. What yep? So I grab my man because that's what I'm about.

I grab my man, put him out. We'd run all the way around down the stairs, out of the fire escape onto the street. Now, it may not have been a knife, and looking like I don't think it was a knife. Was it a sprite? Was it a can of sprite? It was long and the life of the cinema screen. I don't know, but looking back, I don't think it was a life. But in that moment, literally it was like you know the TV shows that so raven,

which goes did you like that? I had a moment and I was like, come with me, my son, boyfriend and just fucking left it out there. I was, oh God, and I'm even I'm like shaking thinking about it. I mean, it's possibly a really scary story or it's not to say memorable, memorable for all of us. So in your head, they've gone, you told them to shut up, they've gone to get a bigger kid to come and kill you. Yeah, what might have happened is they went and got a

sprite and came back to sit down. So they weren't like heading towards you with this. What could have been in that they're just walking in with people. I moved so fast I didn't see what direction they came. Well, I saw was them walk in like that? I saw a pointy thing, and I was like, let's go. I've gone. What happened to Andrew? We're not together any before. Yeah, this isn't like two thousand and fine with Andrew, Like

we haven't finished a film since we've been together. Yes, so you don't even know what happens at the end of that Swine. Oh no, I don't know. I've watched it since. Okay, let something happened something. Yeah, that's great, that's great, amazing. What is the film that you most relate to the film that I most relate to is Muriel's wedding? Speak to me? Are you relating to muriel Horrible Friends and Family? Yeah? So I love Abba. I

love Abbas so much. I love Abbas so much that I went on a pilgrimage to Stockholm to go to the Abba Museum. I did that and it's one of the happiest places I've ever been. Literally, there was like a segment that was like and you've got your headphones and it was like, this is how we wrote Dancing Queen. I was like teary because you know, Dancing Queen is about death. I did not know that. Please explain it is.

There's a whole article about it in The Guardian, so it's real and it's about When you listen to it, you're like, oh yeah, parte party song. It's actually about reflecting and looking at your younger self dancing as you're about to die. It's a reflective song on youth and vigor and beauty in yourself that you didn't feel at the time, but you're looking at it from afar. When you listen to Dancing Queen with that hat on changes

it deep deep. It's deep. So Abba and I've always found Abba like, I know, the sort of poppy and stuff, but there's just something about like the chords in their music that's quite sad. As a kid, I always found it about quite moving. So when I watched Muriel's wedding, which is comedy but there's so many aspects of her life that's just so pathetic, and her being obsessed from abber. I was like, that fits, and then I thought, that's me. I don't want to get married. That's not what it is.

I couldn't give a fuck about get married. But I just that ruins my next question. Yeah, but like, there's just something about finding solace in music and being a bit of a loner that I really related to. Then she moves to Sydney and then like gets me, and then I was like, you lost me, you lost my bibe. But I really love a loser Carrot. I fucking love losers. Weirdos. Oh they're just so sweet and weird. Yeah, I love

that in your head. If Disneyland didn't have the copyright on the Happiest Place on the Abba, Museum would take it. Yeah it is. Do you know what? This is awful? And I've got footage of this. Yeah. So you can go on a stage and you can pick I think it's I think it's three one or three app songs. I picked Mamma Mia and you can sing a little bit and they add a hologram of app would you that's cool? And I've got a video of me singing Mama Mia with the fucking band. Please can we give

that to the Patreons or something? I have got it if you want it, give me a couple of days to think about it, Okay, but I might, Yeah, I might will put it in the members clubs members only. What a tree. It's embarrassing, but I might do it because I like if the joke's on me, I'm good with that. I love that. I'd love to see it. It It also sounds really cool. You with a holy it was amazing. It was so lifelike. Yeah, what's the sexiest film you ever seen? This was quite hard, was it? Yeah,

it's quite hard to narrow it down? Or yeah, because I find all sorts of things sexy, funny people, a nice curl of the hair, turn of phrase, and then like kits or like a Willie, I'm like, let to narrow doown. I've really found Ghostbusters sexy because of Bill Murray. Okay, and I was really young when I watched Ghostbusters, so I didn't really understand what was going on, but I just knew that I wanted to rub rub something I

don't know right, right, So there's Ghostbusters. But then yeah, I went to so that was it was a kid. But then I went to the cinema and I did watch Blue Is the Warmest Color. Did yes with a mate of mine, a lady a lid and the sexy, the very long, sexy minute sex scene with no kind of like music. It's just them breathing and panting and the sexes. It's whack. If you've had if you're a woman who's had sex with a woman, we know that that's not really what happens. Nonetheless, it's two naked women

really going for it. And I just remember my knee being so close to my mate Carla, so close, and that just happening. And just you know the fact you can see that the flashes flash on last faces in this very like empty cursin and yeah, I mean his way I'm being a pausy is because I've seen that film and I love that film. I love that film. But the film is troubled in a way that makes me sad. Oh, and I also don't know what I meant to think about it, because you're right, it's very

very fit film. It's because it's because they're beautiful. They're beautiful, beautiful, but lovely socially, you know, accepted and celebrated bodies, all of that sort of thing. These are all things that I had issues with when I left. I was like, Okay, why do why are all the lesbians like, you know, really slim? Why they're all like fucking models? Also, that's not That's not what happens all of that. That's not what's that? What's that? Like? What are they doing? He

doesn't know? Then you have a little Google and you're like, oh, no, he really didn't because that seems like torture when they were filming it. Yeah, because it took how many days it didn't is I'm half joking, but it is about forty five. Yeah, you just think a while. Yeah, it's awful, Like it was awful. The ethics behind is like fucked up. However that was my react cracking result. What what is

I mean? And also it's really difficult that film because I'm really sad when you read like that they run comfortable and because they're so natural in it, both of them, it's like unbelievable performances where you and I wonder if that's the sort of sad part of it is that to get those performances he was intrusive or whatever it was. Yeah, it's like they feel so real and yeah, but I just I always feel with that you get performers and

performances which don't require that. Like I think, you know, she's everybody's favorite, but Olivia Coleman can really fucking go there, but she does not bring shit to it, Like do you know what I mean? She can just do it and then go home, and I don't you don't have the traumatizer to get the performance out of it. Yeah. I've met actors who are like, you know, I've got to be I'm acting troubled all the time so that when I play a troubled person it's all cushty. I'm like,

that is no imagination. And so I think that any director that feels that they have to impose that doesn't trust their actors and has no imagination. Yeah. Yeah, there's a subcategory to this question which I could also fit him. But luckily, I hope you've got another one traveling bonus worrying why dones? What film did you find a rousing but you thought perhaps you shouldn't other them? Blue is

the world's color? Showgirls? What is remotely troubling about Showgirls terrible. Sure, it's so bad, like you should not be getting any kind of joy, even if it's a wide on from that fucking film, because it's so terrible. And yet I was having the that's sex scene in the swimming pool, which is terrible, it defies logic, And then there I was watching it having a jolly good time in depense.

Me too, and I don't mind. Listen. When I first saw Show Guys, which was when it first came out, and I was very young, I remember reading all these things, going this ridiculous sex here in the swimming pool, and I was thinking, fucking worked for me. I just remember thinking, what's what's so ridiculous about it? It's brilliant. What's happening? What am I not getting? Do you know what? I was very young when I watched it. I think it was on Channel five and I just sort of put

it on and I was like, oh my god. When I watched that scene, I thought that's what sex is like. Yeah, and I started to worry because I was like, I don't know whether my back this is me as a child. That's what I mean about capricorns, Like we're old as children are I don't know whether my back can flip that far. And I just thought he was just holding I mean he was because they weren't actually having sex.

But I didn't get she was so high up, like if she was really there, like if he was really inside, Yeah, she'd be much lower. Now you say that, I go, okay, that part unless he's got a very big dick and she's just curb that can do that. But I will say this now I'm much children growing up. That is how sex work. Is it? Yeah, I don't know what you read like we're worried about it. That's certainly in

my experience, exactly how it is. What is what is objectively the greatest film of all time, all about as completely just ah, the original Original, the original Original. The thing I love about it is block So when I first started writing, one of the things, I mean, I was given such I was given so much advice from people. Here's a little little nugget of advice all the time,

and I take it because I like advice. But the thing that I would I was always told was don't write about show business like people don't like watching it. People like right, And when I watched All That Eve for the first time, which is before I got that nugget, Because when I got that nugget, I was like, I think All About Eve is a masterpiece. It is the way it talks about the industry and acting and all

of that stuff. It makes you invested, you care. The performances are off their time, but they're raisor sharp, and the scenes just what I loved about it was the scenes they didn't worry about, sort of just letting the scene play. You can tell it's based on the play, but they don't care about that. It's just two actors.

That's it. Nice set, nice costumes, two actors going for each other, Betty Davis, Marilyn Monroe, one of her early fucking parts in their being exquisite comedic timing like it's so good and am Baxter I think it is who plays Eve just like the best maliplative narcissist you've ever seen in the best costumes. I'm sure this has come up before, but it is worth saying. Given what just happened show Girls is a remake of All About Eve, that would make sense. It's straight up, it's the same story.

It's just done better, just tell better and burlesque. Yeah, burlesque. Is it's the it's the small town girl who wants to be the front of the chorus line. There's always like some older woman although share doesn't really mind, but there's another one in it who's like, don't this is my patch? Yeah, it's great. It's a great Hollywood trope. That's a lovely art. Today is what's the film you could or have? What's the most over and over again,

Mary Poppins, I know, I know, I know what. Yeah, you know it's it's an absolute masterpiece and I'm going to have a zero problem with that Beider answer. Yeah, I just love it. I'm just loads of people must say it, but it just is actually okay, well, Mary Poppins. One of the things that I really love about it is it's so it makes me as a Londoner really, I don't know, I live in London of born in London, but there's just something about watching it that makes me

feel like, you know, I'm a fund that. Yeah, I like where every time I was just at Saint Paul's, I don't go past Saint Paul's without thinking of feed the birds, like never, And there's just something about it being so loved but also in this filmed in the studio that just I really really really love and I think Julie Andrews if you watch that back, her performance is king brilliant. She's you know, Mary Poppies is a bitch. Yeah, yeah, she's evil. Like the kids are like, hey, Mary Poppies,

we just went into the pain. She's like, no, didn't. That's called gaslighting. Like the fuck. When you're watching now, I'm like that is She's just oh, let's go and do this. Kids. We have such a lovely time with you. And then she's like, no you didn't. I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. There's your dad, goodbye off. Yeah, never apologized, never explained, that is messed up. That's a bad motto, motegized, never explained, that's toxic masculinity.

It's so it's mad. But I feel for those kids. Yeah, they go through such psychological warfare, just you know, Dad's not interested. Mum is like, you know, up the women. Fine, do you get this woman who's like, oh, here's a nice bit of blood and now it didn't happen. Oh here's a nice song. Really didn't happen. So yeah, scary Mary Poppins. We don't like to be negative, so we'll be quick with this. Okay, what's the worst film you

ever saw? A film? I mean there's a few. It's a film called Feed Feed, Yes, twenty eleven, and it is for me and my mates for a short time. We're obsessed with sploshing. Do you know what sploshing is? Go on, explain it to the too? Is it? Is it? Okay? Can I? Is it stepping on hamsters? Or that mean? Is it? You get one more guess? Is it sliming people like in Nickelodeon host but a sexy way. Yeah, it's like food sex. It's like, oh okay, cake put it up the gier that you eat it out. But yeah,

that didn't mean to say that. That That was very graphic. So we were obsessed with sploshing. My group of friends we all had breakups. It was twenty eleven. We were all going through stuff and we sort of came together and were like, sploshing's funny, and so we wanted to find a film that was to do with sploshing. And so my friend Zach, he was like, Hey, I've just found this film on iTunes. It's called Feed. It must

be to do with sploshing. And so we had a film that we watched it as about the Sky with cop who is investigating this internet subculture of feeding women until they die. And it was just it was just about this man who was like running around feeding this woman with as much food. It was fucking terrible, Like not even we thought, oh, it will be funny, and we would just watch it like that's horrible. Yeah, it's horrible.

I'm mainly worried about how much cake is going to be left in the in the vagina, because I think if you put a cake in, it's going to you know, it's going to crumble into bits. I just I'm sortainly worried about the health implications of a cake bits of cake not getting out. It will fuck up your pH balance. But then you just you have to weigh up whether it's worth it, think about it. It's going to dissolve.

I suppose eventually it will dissolve eventually. That's why you need somebody who's really committed and getting all the cake out right, because you could be there a while. I would think you could use utensils and getting like a whisk to sort of break it up. That doesn't feel that feels. I worry about a whisk I don't know, a plastic spoon. Then that will break off and whisk as like the you know, I think you could if you use it with care. Okay. And also the cake

is going to be it's going to be like moisture. Wow, it's gonna yeah. If it's a well made cake, it's definitely there's a world made cake. It's gonna be yeah. Okay. I guess you just got to make sure you've you've dealt with it when after afterwards, and you know, you don't have to put it was just an example. You can put jelly on the arm. No, listen, I've got my evening planned out now. I just need to make sure, sorry, do it right and don't cause it any injury. I

don't have to put cake up. The food is fine. You don't have to, but it will be encouraged. You don't have to be a shameless What is You're in comedy? You're very funny. What's the funniest film? What's the film that made you laughter most? Okay? I cannot possibly tell you the film that made me laugh the most, but I can tell you the scene that got me picked out of odeon Tottenhacourt Road because I laughed so hard. Do you know? I know it's a great film, but

you wouldn't think, where's that bit? What's that funny? So's this bit when he oh, Ellen Page, thanks mate. She's in the corridor of a school and she's talking to Michael Sarah and she says something about a girl in a class who just who gave her the stinki. She just goes and so gave me the stinkai And it's the quickest cup to this actress who I don't know who's giving Juno a stinki? And me and my mate of Arno looked at each other and that was it gone. That It's just an example of how you can be.

You're not even a star in it. You've got no line. You just give it that. We we lost it. The next couple of things who were still laughing. Usher came in, was like you have to leave. We went out onto the road. We were screaming, screaming like we can't talk about it. To this day we can't talk about it. We can't talk son. I like that that is a proper answer. Yeah, that's the answer. I've been looking for good, Susie,

we camer You've been absolutely wonderful. Now when you went to Latitude last year and you had glitter all over your face and you went to watch Texas on stage when you were lost in the in the wonder of Charlie's Pitteri's voice as she sang, oh, what's the song that Texas did? It was the one that the one that I was really like. It was yeah, yeah, you made me feel wild. Yeah yeah. You touch Matt in us smart air, your gap me in the mood. Oh,

oh my neck. You move. So whilst you were thinking, come and make your move, you were does You were lost, transcendent. It was to you, and you were sweating with the joy, and the glitter came into your mouth, sweated off your face into your mouth, and you said, ah, something tastes like chalk delicious, and you you finished your evening a great old night. And then you went back to your tent and you lay there and in your sleep the glitter congealed in your throat yeah, and shout you to death.

It was sad, but the saddest part wasn't No one found you. No one thought anything of it. For quite a while. It was just a tent, just a tent. You closed the thing. Everyone's like, well, it's probably sleeping. About three months later, I was like, dude, sees you ever come back from latitude? Is weird that no one heard from everywhere? So I drive all the way back up to latitude. There's a tent on it's only the field is weird. It's a fucking state. I go in

the tent. You're there, you can deal with them. The ground has has swallowed half of you. There's a bird has pecked open your insides and built a nest. It's all sorts. It's sweet, but difficult to contend with. So then I have to sit vigil let the birds all leave. And then finally and then the hamster walked parts and I just stood on it just for a bit of a splash. And then then you basically, there's too much

of you. There was more than I expected, because you've become the so I've had to get anyway, long story short, I've had to chop you up into lots of little bit because I brought a coffin that was the size of you. I wouldn't expect to all this stuff, all of it stuff, all of you in this coffin. It's absolutely rammed in there, but there's just enough room that I could slip one DVD in the side with you. You can take to the other side. And on the other side it's movie night every night and one night

it's your movie night. What film are you taking to show everyone in heaven? Oh, I'm taking Who Framed Roger Rabbit? The people in heaven will love you, no wonder. Your vibration is so high, Susie. Susanne wa Cooma, is there anything you would like to tell people to look out forward to listen to, what to watch, what to read, or anything of yours coming up? Before we say goodbye for sag Bath, I'm in a film called Nola Holmes, which is on Netflix. I hear very good things about that,

So she's in that. And then I'm in another show called truth Seekers Amazon on the thirtieth of October. That's a series. It looks brilliant. Jim Smith. Yeah, those two, and then there's loads of stuff that's still on Netflix, because that's the way in. It's just do you google one if you put my name in Netflix? You like that. Susie mccamer, You've been an absolute dream and Delight. Thank you so much. Thanks, have a wonderful death. Good Night, good night. So that was a reworded classic. I hope

you enjoyed it as much as we did. Everything you need is over at the Patreon at patreon dot com, Forward Slashbrey Goldstein. Remember to watch Shrinking and then Ted Lasso on Apple TV plus. I will speak to you all next week. Thank you very much for listening. Thank you to Buddy Peace for producing it, Thanks to ACAS for hosting it, Thanks to Destruction Pieces of Network, Thanks to Leasing lay Them for the photography, Adam Richardson for

the graphics. So that is it for now. I hope you're all well and in the meantime, have a lovely week, and please, now more than ever, be excellent to each other.