Rose Johnson • Films To Be Buried With with Brett Goldstein #154

it's not easy. She's absolutely brilliant. She is brilliant. Mike Tyson, You're not wrong. Every week I invite a special guest over. I tell them they've died. Then I get them to discuss their life through the films that meant the most of them. Previous guests include Sharon Stone, Kevin Smith, Edgar Wright, James a Castor, and even Dead Dambels. This week, it's the brilliant Sketcho stand up and award winning writer Rose Johnson.

Head over to the patron at patreon dot com forward slash Brett Goldstein, where you're getting extra twenty minutes with Rose, where we talk in depth about beginnings and endings. You get an incredible secret and you also get the whole episode uncut and has a video and ad free check it out over at patreon dot com. Forward slash Brett Goldstein, so Rose Johnson. Rose Johnson is a brilliant sketcho, stand

up actor, writer, and one of my favorite people. She's the final part of the Birthday Girls trilogy I have been waiting to complete. We've had Bat Edmondson, and we've had Camere lu Chan and now we finally get the brilliant Rose Johnson. We recorded it on Zoom and it was so much fun. Rose is absolutely brilliant. I think you're going to love this one. So that is it for now. I very much hope you enjoy episode one hundred and fifty four of Films to be Buried With. Hello,

and welcome to Films to be Buried With. It is me Brett Goldstein and i I'm joined today by an actor, a writer, a novelist, a sketch a commercial actor, a stand up comedian, a woman, a hero, and one of my favorite people. Please welcome to this show. It's the brilliant Rasanna Johnson. Hi, thanks for having me. I want to be rest. You said actor and then commercial actor. You think it was the wrong order, Well, I would say, do you consider commercial acting like different to normal acting?

You're like, that's not I have to mention that separately. Yeah, I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. And I mean this truly. I have nothing but major respects for commercial acting because I genuinely don't think I could do it. I think it's a higher art. Like I've seen you, I make you do all yourself dates for me, and it blows my mind because I just don't think I could pull it off as convincingly. I think it's genuinely brilliant.

I mean, if you wanted them that much, you would, But I don't know if I could do the face that you have to do when you like sniff a bun or something. Oh yeah, See, that's my absolute forte. I'm more successful in commercials than I am in any other sphere. Can we for the patron I want to give them like a special gift on the visuals? If you, if you, if you get the video, can you show us you've picked up a bun and you sniff it and you cannot believe your luck? Okay, my phone's the bun. Okay,

it's fucking magnificent. The thing is, though I would say, that's not even my niche. My niche is react is like funny faces. So my my reaction would be I pick up the barn and like, there's a tiny gorilla on it. Don't ask me why, but it's something. It's gorilla buns were some ad some ad agencies come up with a thing that's like the thing is, there's going to be a gorilla on the bun, and I pick it up and I'm like, I'm going to about to

eat this bun and there's a grill on it already. Okay, I mean honestly, if you've ever thought I'm not going to turn up for the patron, now's the day to see the magic and wonder of rose spotting a gorilla on a bun. Yeah, anything like that. It's my forte had to do one this morning self tape. Please tell me nothing like it. Well, just waking up of a morning on the weekend, like open your eyes, bird to sing in sunshining. Oh, I'm gonna have a nice lazy morning.

Oh no, I forgot. I've got a self tape for an adverse ding on Monday. Put up my sad backdrop in my living room. You gotta put up a big backdrop because the casting directors they can't be seeing inside your house. They can't imagine. They've got to have a plain backdrop. They can't if there's a sofa in there in the frame, they cannot see you as the gorilla Bungo exactly so far. No, no, she has to have

a plain gray background. You'd be like, hoist up your sad background, put your ring light on, put your makeup on. In this one, I had to dress up as an electrician. Well, I wore jeans and then a blue fleece which was actually outstanding, really good. Had to do. Yeah, I had to do some really prime faces and that one a lower, some big reactions. So you're an electrician who's finding stuff

on the ways, like what was the okay? So the thing is, I don't think I can tell you the premise of the advert because it hasn't been out yet, but basically, an electrician turns up to a job and then something very wacky and unexpected happens on his job. The electrician is surprised. Any dialogue or just faces, Yeah, dialogue, I had to say, get ready for it. Okay, so I'll do it. And then but halfway through I see the wacky thing. Okay, so someone someone saying something and

I go, yeah, I shouldn't be a problem. It's so good what she's doing. Here's what I described for the listener. She's she's saying there's not going to be a problem. And then it's very quickly caught her attention that there might actually be a problem and just trying to keep it under a hat in front of the customer. But it's also clear like don't follow her eyes or you'll see what the problem is. Yeah, whatever you're selling, I'm

buying it, Rose, Okay, good. Yeah, So I did all that. Obviously, my poor husband Daniel Cook is having to read in the lines. He doesn't want to be doing that on a Saturday morning. And then classic forgot to do an ident. For those of you who are listening who don't know what an ident is, it's where you've got to do say your name, your agent, where you're based, or what

commercials you've done, blah blah blah. So I'd already got changed out of my actrician outfit, had to put the electrician outfit back on, put the hoist, my sad back drop back up to do the ident. Did that, took it all down again, got changed, realized I hadn't said my agent on the ident, how to do it all again? Just a real boy, sad background. You're hoisting around what's on it. It's like a big sheet of gray material that you put up behind you, so your house isn't

in the shop. So but then I think it's mad because I'm like, you know that this is a self tape. You know that I'm doing this at home. But they can't. They You gotta have a plain background, yeah, because if it doesn't match. You know, if you've got a background and they're thinking you're an electrician, but in your background you've got I don't know, lots of wood perhaps, and they're thinking, what is your carpent? What electricians don't like wood?

I don't know. In their head they're going, well, she's good with woods's I don't know if she's good with electrics. I think for your commercials, especially if you're having to use your imagination, you're not the right person for the job. So they need to look at you because you've got like twenty seconds haven't you really to go like, oh,

that's the character, that's the you know straight away. So if they're having to be like, m well, but there's like, for example, in my living room, might I've got a pink velvet sofa, So they might be going I can't. I'm gonna have to imagine that's not there. I'm not saying electricians can't have pink velvet sofas. Good luck anyone can. Didn't think I was going to have a pink velvet sofa until there I was in DFS and I was like, well, I guess that's what I've I've bought a pink velvet sofa.

I guess that's a bit of me. You thought, well yeah, And I mean i'd say to anyone listening, it's a curse. Don't do it constantly thinking I'm going to be dropping stuff when it have dropped stuff on it, and yeah, it's just a nightmare. I basically just covered it all up with throws now because it's can't even appreciate the pink pink throws, No, not even pink throws, darker colored throws. It's not Yeah, that's really that stress, isn't It's depressing

getting those stuff. That's why I only wear black t shirts because I can just absolutely kate them and ship and now I know tell me this, I know, I tell you something that I now try to take into like as an inspirational thing. I hate doing idents on self tapes. It's literally my worst thing. My worst thing is introducing myself in like you know, and like in a circle, maybe a read through or a new job.

Let's just go around and say say our name. Genuinely, I think that's I have like close to a panic attack because you're thinking, do I make this funny? To I just be straight, like, oh god, that's so stressful. And when you have to go your ident before you do a selta, if it self takes good, I reckon I can lose it on the ident because I look so awkward. Same, Oh, but do you know what? You can put the ident at the end apparently nice, so you can they can see the scene first and then

spoiler at the end. Once I got so, I'm exactly the same, get so stressed out about when next going around the circle. I once accidentally introduced myself as Toes said Toes on Toes during lockdown, you did what so many people threatened to do it. Literally, no, one don't know actually did, which is write a fucking novel? You write a novel? Yeah I did. It's mad congratulation. Yeah, thank you. How was it? Yeah? I had started writing it before Lockdown, but I had written about ten thousand words,

so a novel was about one hundred thousand words. So I'd written a bit of it and I hadn't really planned it. And then in Lockdown when everything stopped and our industry just shut down, and I, obviously as a massive catastrophizer, was like, well that was a nice career. I guess I'll have to retrain. What's my normal fullback? Oh, yes, I work in restaurants. Oh they're all all close to okay, cool cook cook coo coo coo coo coo cool. So I had a break I sort of like yeah breakdown

where I was just like it's all over. And then I was like I have to I'm someone that needs to be busy. I've got to have a task. I can't just sit at home and be like, well, I can't just submit to fate. I was like, I need to do something. Whereas my husband dad and you remember in the first Lockdown, it was so nice and sunny. He was just like, I'm just gonna sunbathe all day, and I'm fine with that. I was like, no, I'm going to sit inside in like my weird, damp spare

room writing a novel that's set in winter. And yeah, I needed, Yeah, I needed a project. And I mean, it's an insane thing to do to write a novel. It's mad, it's so long. Yeah, But then I also would say it sort of started off you. It's almost like you sort of like have a dare with yourself where you're like, I just imagine if I just wrote this as if I was writing a full novel. Imagine if I like, just imagine if I just did that,

and I just assumed that I was doing that. And then the look, the further along you get, you're like, I am doing that, and then you sort of make a dare with yourself a bet with yourself too, and you're sort of like it was a really good exercise in just doing things that seem unachievable and going which I'm not very good at. Normally, I don't finish projects. I have loads of ideas, I start them, I don't

finish them. It was such a good exercise in just like making a bet on yourself and going, imagine, just just pretend to be a person that believes in themselves and just does this. Right, that's so fucking cool. You should give a ted talk. That is a really really really good right, it's tip that is great. Oh yeah, But then I read it. When I finished it and I reread it, I was like, this is dogshit. You shouldn't she shouldn't have taken the bet. Yeah, Like it's

a mad thing to do. And but I would also say it's the thing that I've done. The reason why I enjoyed it. It's like it's hard, obviously because there's so much you have to produce the volume of stuff that it can't all be amazing. You have to just you can't stop and agonize over every sentence. You have to just get in flow, I guess, and just write. But I would say that it's the thing that I've done where I have most just been able to use my voice and not have to wait for anyone to

give me permission. Like in Telly, you're just constantly being like, well, this is what it will be like, it will be good, it will be good. I will do this thing and this is what it will be like, and you're having to wait for someone to say yes, okay, you can

do this. Like first stage, you can do a proposal and then or you can do an outline, and then you can do a script and then all of those points there will be feedback and there will be criticism, and there will be notes, and you have to change the thing that was your first idea, not for the worst,

often for the better, sometimes for the worst. But it's lots of voices and it's lots of people that you're trying to please, whereas when you write a novel, it's just your voice and you don't have any feedback really, and so that as well as incredibly rewarding. As someone who's not really been able to do that before, and obviously the pandemic wasn't really doing stand up, I'd say

stand up is also a similar thing. Although with stand up I would say no, because you get an immediate response from Yeah, you get immediate feedback from the audience. You know if something isn't working, whereas with the novel, like I said, you're taking a bet, you're going, well, this might be ship, but I'm going to finish it. So yeah, m right, I've forgotten to tell you something. Fuck, it's bad because you've just done that cell tape as well and your books. You just your book might be

coming out soon and it's a shame. But it kind of depends on how you feel about these things. But I should have told you maybe before I ask what you've been up to, because this is probably more um, what's the word pressing? Pressing, it's more a bit more pressing. You you died? Oh no oh no oh, yeah you've died,

and how did you die? Okay, Now I'd love to just say piece in my sleep, but just because of like how things happen in my life, I'm almost certain it would be one of those really embarrassing deaths, like did you read that news story about that guy who they found inside a dinosaur statue in Spain and hed gone in to get his phone and got stuck and just died in this statue. And I think it will

be something like that. And the one I was thinking of is did you see that news story a few years ago about a girl at a festival who dropped her phone in a porterloo down the portaloo and then she went in to get it and got stuck and the fire brigade had to get her out, and then

she was called pooh girl. Oh good. I feel like it's going to be something like that, and it'll probably be like I've dropped my phone somewhere and I've gone to get it, and then I've got stuck and I've died, and it's like and no, and then like basically, the sadness of me having died is overshadowed by like the stupid nature of my death, the ridiculous nature of my death. So you went down to Portloo and got stuck, but yeah,

with your head in the pooh yeah. To give you an example, on my wedding day, I was really looking forward to. I wanted to have like a really small wedding. I was like, let's just go to a registry office, book a PA have a party. My husband to be he was like, no, I will have a big do, and I was thinking, yeah, and he's organizing that. Then muggins this control freak over here. Yes, exactly, it's gonna be absolutely horrible. So yeah, obviously I lost my mind

organizing it. And but one of the things I was really looking forward to, I was like Oh. I was like, oh, I'm really looking forward to that moment where I get to the top of the aisle and he'll say something to me. And I was like, I want to know what he'll say say to me, Oh, you mean like the quietly thing he sort of quietly says to you, not in yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that will

be a lovely moment. Yeah. And I got to the top of the aisle and we were getting married in a theater down in in in Dorset, in this place called Lime readus. It's a theater called the Marine Theater. It's beautiful if you're thinking of getting married by the sea. I got to the top of the aisle and went to go up the steps and tripped over, just fell, just tripped, tripped onto the tripped onto the stage. Didn't hear anything. The thing I heard him say was oh,

are you okay? But what you heard was caring. You heard him caring for you, Brad. It wasn't what I wanted. And I just think like, as life milestones go, the death's going to be it's going to be something like either yeah, getting stuck in a portoloo after my phone or like tripping over and it's going to be the most stupid thing, the most stupid accident. Did the fact

that you tripped on the steps? Did that play on your mind for the rest of the wedding during played on my life and my mind from the rest of my life since. Yeah, So the rest of it's sort of paled. You don't really remember it, you're just still thinking about Yeah. But also I do have a tendency to like focus on I'll remember the things that went wrong.

I'm a pessimist. People laugh. Yes, of course they did because I but also I did it and then and then I think everyone was like, and then I went yes, okay, because I wanted to make it okay. It was a comedy. It was like a sitcom. It was like a sitcom. I went yes, yes, and then everyone laughed. In fact, I remember Susie Ruffle laughing very hard. Well, look, Jennifer Lawrence. Jennifer Lawrence won her rasca and fell up the stairs, and everyone gave her a standy ovation and thought it

was in Kobe charming and made her relatable. That's you. You're the Jennifer Lawrence of Sketco. Thank you. Committed to Skeetko even on my wedding day day? Do you worry about death? No? No, I would say, okay, so I would say, I'm quite a pessimist. This, Okay, this is going to sound really awful and depressing, right, but it's fine. I'm a massive overthinker and I do struggle with like anxiety, you know, just being fine mentally, So I'm not scared of death because I just think other a piece, do

you know what I mean? Is that awful? No? That was much less depressing than I thought it would be. And I think when I say that, I think people probably listen to this and think she's got she's depressed, But I'm not. I just am quite a I'm quite a pessimist. I'm quite a cynic. I'm like, I don't it's hard to articulate. I just sort of don't think

that it would be that bad. Like sometimes I think I was trying to do stand up about this, and I think actually I was going I was doing stand up about this, and then that fucking bow Burnham has basically done this in a special. But I was trying to write a bit and it would didn't really work, So I think people found it too depressing. But like I would love to be dead for like a month. Yeah, you know sometimes when you're like just a month of

just being dead. But that obviously in any context when you say I wish I was dead, then you go, oh, that you've got your depressed, your suicidal. No, I'm not suicidal. I don't want to kill myself, but just if it happened, I wouldn't mind. I'd be fine. I think I had I had a business idea in my twenties which was like putting people in a coma for a month, so you could just sort of switch off for a month. Yeah,

and we'll look after it. In the coma. We fill you with like vitamins and feed you out and put muscle things on you so you actually when you come out, you're fitter and healthier. I recommend a film about this. I reckon this could be a massive film. Don't you think coma vacation? All right? Anyone listening? I own that. Yeah,

that's brad. But do you know I also have those things where like do you ever feel sometimes like did you ever like fantasize about maybe being in like a minor road accident where you break an arm and you just think could couldn't you have to do nothing? You like? You know, the other day when I tore my calf muscle, we both bust up our legs at the same time, didn't we Yeah, not together, but in the same week,

and I was not allowed to move. I was like, I had to say, sat on my sofa for a week and that was fine normally, Like I said, I need to be busy. I have to have a project because I feel like if I'm not being productive, then problems. I feel guilty. I find it difficult to switch off and enjoy my downtime. But if someone has said to me, you are forbidden from moving, you have to just do this. Oh, then I'm eat free and easy. I've got miss congeniality on.

I've got the popcorn out middle of the day. Don't mind, you know. I don't fantasize about minor car accidents because I don't like I actually don't like injuries, like I'd sort of rather be dead than break a leg. You were quite desperate when you hurt your knee. When I said you had to completely rest it, you were like, yeah, can I can I still swim? Can I run? I was like no, yeah, no, And the panic in your eyes. Yeah, yeah, I think I'd rather that it killed me. Um, what

do you think it happens when you die? So I think your consciousness goes. I think you don't know, you're not you're not your mind, your consciousness is gone, as in, you don't. I don't believe in an afterlife. I don't believe that you go somewhere and you're still you, but you're like, oh here I am in heaven. But I think that your energy, because energy, you can't destroy energy. It has to go somewhere. That's just physics. You know. Energy just doesn't ever end, It just changes form. I believe.

I mean I think I remember it's a true that is true. Yes, So where's your energy going? Yeah? I think that your energy remains in the world and you could yeah, it could transform into but I don't think you're conscious of it. But I just think it transforms into whatever, like tree, a tree, or so. I guess I would believe in reincarnation, but without your consciousness, because I think that you would be hopefully reborn as something

natural like a tree. That would you know, a tree might grow or some grass might grow, and then an animal might eat that thing and then you know you're part of you or the energy that was you is now part of something else. That's what I believe. But you don't sort of know it's happening. You're going. No, when you I think that when you die, it's like you're going under general anesthetic, but you just never wake up bad news. No, not necessarily, especially if you want

to switch off. You know, it's hard to imagine, isn't it. Obviously i'd much prefer to that for there to be in afterlife, although actually maybe I wouldn't because I don't think I'm a very good person. Hey whoa wow, what don't I know about you? Oh? I know, I'm just quite impatient, and I don't think that I don't do as much kind of charity stuff as I should. I talk, I do. I love a bitch. But then also, do you know what I think? I think I'm a realistic person.

All those people who are like so nice and positive, I'm like what you iden? You know? Interesting? Doesn't everyone have like because I don't be selfish by nature? Yes, there's a there's a whole argument of altruism doesn't exist because being good to people makes you feel good, So there's always an element of selfishness in it. I'm quite true to myself. I would say, I don't pretend to be something I'm not, and so so I guess you could say, well, that's honest. You're honest. Then you don't

really lie a lot. But then maybe you could your actions could be nicer, you could choose not to, you know, submit to your more selfish and yeah, kind of negative impulses. But I don't know. I yeah, I think the fact that you even think about these things sort of suggest you're a good person. Annoying, do you Yeah, because I think you wouldn't care. You'd be more like, well, I'm fucking selfish. You guys, fuck yourself, that's me anyone you

know people? You know why my worst things? People who say, well, that's me. Isn't it like as if you know yourself. I don't know myself. We're talking about people in reality TV always go that's me, that's me, that's what I'm like. How do you know are you talking about? Yeah? I've got no idea what I'm like. I just yeah. It's

really hard. It's like you're constantly assimilating how you see yourself and how you think other people see you, and then how they actually respond to you, and you're imagining what people think of you. As I said, my head's a very busy place, so it's exhausting in them. But when death does come, I think I'll just just I think, I think in the moment, I'll probably just be like you know, yeah, and then get eaten by a squirrel. Yeah, good, good news. There is a heaven and the door, and

you passed. You're in and at the door, I say, stop bitching about people in here. Please you let me in because you'd want me to do the catering. Yeah, I'd want you to make your sausages. Rose Johnson not only is very talented, it's get co commercial acting, acting and writing and wins awards from kids TV, but makes some of the finest in town. I mean all credit there really does have to go to Nigella because it is her recipe. But I make them every year at

my Christmas party. Brad normally comes eats about thirty of them and then looks fifty. Yeah. You and Jack Rook just decimate every year. I have to up the order every year. Yeah, but look a bit guilty like other people have. You look really guilty. You look, you look like disgusted with yourself, and you look like yeah, guilty, like beat in the morning. No one else has had any I've started doing a ham as well, just to try and take some of the pressure some of the

heavy lifting. Meat wise. Yeah, I like I leave that. I sort of now take it that the hammer is for everyone else and the meat right, Yeah, that's basically it. Yeah, okay, cool. Anyway, you're allowed in heaven. Welcome to Heaven. It's filled with your favorite things. What's your favorite thing? Food? It's fucking food. Everywhere. The chairs are made of food. It's food up the walls, everywhere you turn, there's food. You can the food is Nigella.

Nigella is they're cooking all the food. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that. My friend she likes you. You're very close. You keep trying a bitch with hers. She go always go breads listening, no biting in heaven, and you're like, oh yeah good, it's ras dreary. Then you're anywhere, and then I go and bitch about Nigella to someone. They like, gosh, it boring, an't she? And I'm listening, Rose, I'm always listening, to be honest. This sounds quite stressful. It's a little

bit stressful. Yeah, you have to be the better person Noway, people didn't have and they're obsessed with you, Rose. They're obsessed with you. They won't know all about you, but they won't know about your life through film. The person thing they ask is what's the first film you remember seeing? Rose Johnson? Wow? So this okay. I would caveat this by saying that I did not have a TV in my house until I was nine. My parents did not live in the pretty much but no. I lived a

little village in Stockholm. But my parents just did not think it was They just didn't have one. I think they were being very moral and we would read and run around in the in the yeah in the words basically, so I they used to hire one at Christmas so we can watch the Christmas stuff. But the first film I can remember seeing is at the cinema. Then not at home because we didn't have a Yeah, we didn't

have a TV, so I didn't really watch things. By the way, I've got three little brothers and by the time time it got to the last two morals out the window in front of the TV all the time. When when when when I went to school, I used to go like homemade, like wholemeal bread sandwiches with cottage cheese and them like really grim. And then by the time Marcus got in my little bohere, it was like a a cheesewring and a pepper army. Off you go,

like the morals went. So the first film I remember seeing in the cinema is Beethoven's Second I Love Beethoven, Charles Grady Rest in Peace. Yeah, I I My memory is quite hazy, but I remember what I can remember off it is dogs having an affair. Beethoven's Got a Lady, lady dog pregnant little dogs. Yeah, but I think I remember that watching this thing where where dogs like sneaking out, sneaking off to see the lady. Is that right? I don't think it's a mistress though, isn't it. He's not

cheating on another dog. No. No, when I say affair, I mean just like a lover fair as in he's not supposed to be seen the sady. I just loved the idea. I fund it's so funny if this dog, this like bad boy dog being like sneaking out to see a woman. And then the other thing that The other thing I can remember so vividly is the scene where in my mind, this is in my memory, this is what happens. The dog pulls down the house. He pulls the house down. Something that's going on in the

house that's bad. I think, like the daughters having a shaving a party in it. It's all got a bit west and the dog saves. The dog is like tied to the It's one of those like American lakehouses made of wood, and the dogs like tied to a post and the dog pulls the entire house down, and me being like nine years old, just being like, wow, that dog has affairs, can destruct it houses an impressive beast. Yeah. Can you explain what it's like to go to the cinema not knowing what a TV is like? Is it

the first time you're seeing moving images? I'm getting out like a crucifix and thing like witchery. No, like I said, I'd seen, I had seen. We had hired a TV at Christmas, so I'd seen things like I think I remember watching the Snowman. I remember watching that really vividly. I think I just remember it basically being the most

exciting and glamorous trip out you could. I went with my best friend Sophie, who grew up just up the lane from me in my little village in Devon, and it was for her birthday and her mum, who's called Loops, brought us a group of us, popped us in the Mondeo, drove us and obviously, like at the time you go, this is I was so excited to go to this like mecca that was. It's essentially an industrial state, you know.

It's like one of those on the outskirts of a town where you've got like your Hollywood Bowl, your Frankie and Benny's, you've got your you've got your Multiplex. But go like to me coming from this tiny, yeah, like village in Devon with no TV and seeing that it was like and now when I drive past this like the most oppressing place on the history of Earth, you know.

But when we were going anywhere there Hollywood Bowl or the cinema art and then yeah, and I remember like sometimes we would go to McDonald's after, which, again for me, foods a big thing that was huge because my parents did not allow me to have as you can imagine,

to have McDonald's. And but I remember also sometimes you have I feel like on this occasion, Loops did a picnic in the back of the Mondeo like she do you know like in the do you know like in America where they do the tailgate stuff like when they have their NFL games and then people will go and have Yeah, it was like that, but in the car park of a Hollywood Bowl on the outskirts of Toornton, in the back of a Ford one day and no one else is doing it and we're having like marmite sandwiches.

Baby Little Rose was like, this is I've made it having grown up without a TV and all of that. Would you recommend if you have children, will you do you want to do the same or will you have screens everywhere? No? I think screens are unavoidable, so don't make them weird by not giving it to them. You know what I mean? You don't want to be that kid at schoo Whereas when I was when I was growing up, you know, there were there were probably other

people who didn't have a TV. There are only four channels. It wasn't like screens were on all the time. You didn't have a phone. I think you submit just but do you know what I'd also say is it depends where you're growing up as well. I grew up in Devon where we had a garden. Yeah, that's TV. You know, you're you're like, you're running around exactly. I was about to say nature as Nature's television. It doesn't make sense.

But I would run around with Sophie, you know her parents had you know, we would just be outside making mischief where It's like, I live in a small two bed flat in London. I can't imagine what people do. How would you? Yeah, you've got to know, you've got to got to give them Metali Retalian once the film that scared you the most? How do you feel about being scared? I hate it. I hate it with a passion, to the point at which I genuinely, for a long time had a like a proper phobia of scary films.

The idea to me of like Nightmare in Elm Street or the Halloween films, the thought of them. If I even heard caught a glimpse, or saw the opening credit or heard the music, I would be in a cold. I hate I hate the sensation of being scared. I think because I'm a very stress control freaky living on my nerves person. I've got enough quartersol flowing through my veins all the time. I don't need any more. I feel like if I watch a scary film, it's going to tip me into the danger zone, right. I don't

want it. I hate the feeling of it. I don't understand why people enjoy that feeling. I don't. I genuinely don't. I don't enjoy it, so I don't watch them. I don't watch them. I didn't watch Scream until I was late twenties, just and I did not like it. But this is the scariest film that I've watched, is Paranormal Activity, and it was from watching it on goggle Box. I haven't even watched it. It's a fucking scary film, oriant. I was watching google Box innocently of a Friday night.

I love google Box with Dan. I was just trying to relax, have my nice probably a little martini on a Friday, and that came on. It was viscerally horrifying. I just wanted I genuinely was like, I want to leave the room. I hate this. And it was just clips of it, and it was like watching it, you know, watching other people watch it, and I genuinely had to put my fingers in my ears and cover my eyes and say to Dan, can you tell me when this is finished? I watched it was the clips were them

going to bed. It was in the bedroom and then noises and then pulled out of the bed by a leg and pulled up and I for me horrifying, horrifying. It makes me, It makes my Oh, it just makes me shiver and I don't enjoy that. Like, what is it about scary films that's nice? It's a psychologically good for you. It takes you, lets you experience. It's basically allows you to experiment or play with your actual fears of death, but in a safe space in the same

way that a rollercoaster does. And in the adrenaline spike that you get watching it. It entirely makes you present in the world. And when it's over it's almost cathetic, like, oh, you like you've done a workout. And what do you think that it says about me that I hate it so much? Do you think I secretly am like super scared of death? Then what I find interesting is you wrote a book that is a that you've described it comingto scenes where like sounds scary sound scary your book. Yeah,

I don't know what it is about it. And actually that's so mad because I do read loads of thrillers. It's just watching it onfold like, and I feel like, when you're reading a book, you're never scared, You're you're in control of it. But in a film, you don't know. It's something about the visuals and the audio and the realism of it. In a book, you're removed. It's words on a page. A film you are watching, it's his

realistic depiction of something terrifying, yeah, happening. I don't I don't think i'll ever I don't think i'll ever watch I would never watch a scary I'd never watch a horror film or a scary film out of choice ever. But you do love a true crime, don't you love a true crime? Don't love it? That's what I can't head around a lot of people don't like horror films, but we'll watch the show about a woman who's been hacked.

Well also, yeah, or for example, like I'd say one of the best films that I've seen would be like West of Memphis and those Paradise Lost films. Yeah, which and it's weird, it is weird. But I think because they don't they're not suspenseful. I think it's it's the suspense they are. They are telling you something, they're telling us. They're still their stories. I mean, they're real, but they're telling you a story that has happened that there's no jeopardy,

it's happened, it's happened. The past tense of it interesting, very interesting, Rosanna, I bet, but psychologist would have a field day with that. M Well. I know a lot of people don't like horror films, and I watched one the other day. I really love them, and I was thinking, what is it that I love? And part of it is like when you get like a full fucking, like fucking out and you think why would you be putting yourself through it? But it's almost like it's it's like

something's happening, do you know what I mean? Like it's like it's really exciting, and you know, the funny thing is it's like I really love that feeling. I'm very emotive and I feel things really deeply. I love that feeling of something's happening. In almost all other contexts. I love feeling a swell of emotion. I love feeling a swell of releasing a big having a big cry in a film, or yeah, finding something really funny. It's just that particular. Maybe it is because I feel things very

I'm very sensitive, so I feel things really deeply. Maybe it's just too much, it's it's just too much. I don't know what's the film? And speaking of feeling things deeply, what's the film that made you cry the most? Titanic? So Titanic, I think just came at a time when I was a very hormonal, very impressionable, very like Dawson's Creek era teenager, and I watched it and I vividly remember. I don't even think I watched it at the cinema. I think I watched it at a sleepover. I remember

watching my friends. No, it wasn't at Leaps's house. It was my friend sarahky Own's house, and I watched it there with a group of girls, and I was absolutely like beside myself, just just sobbing and sobbing, And I genuinely remember when it finished thinking to myself, your life will never be the same again. That's really you have watched this thing, and you are a different person now because you have watched this epic love and this epic

tragedy and nothing will be the same. I think it was like probably the first film that I watched where it was like, oh, there's not a there's a really

unhappy end, like a really horrendous thing happens. And I think probably I was probably in love with a boy, you know, as you're in deep teenage of a fatuation with a boy at school, and just you just project all of your unrequited love and those feelings onto that film and you you go that perfectly I mean absolutely mad, but you go, my teenage brain goes that perfectly encapsulates my feelings. That's that's real. When it's like, no, that's

people drowning in in icy water. Your your your crush is just moving moving to schools, Like that's not the same. But yeah, it really, Oh, it really punched me in the gut. Maybe it is a particularly female I don't know if it's like that. There's something about it that that I guess. Yeah, because you're a woman, you empathize with Rose, especially me because my name is Rose. Oh my god. You that was Yeah, listen, it's a it's

a great film. It lost me very early on. I remember it lost me very early on when Billy Zane says that Picasso he won't amount too much, and yeah, yeah, but Kathy Bates, she's putting in a shift. She's putting it. Listen, everyone's doing the work there. Um oh. Also, do you know an act called John You know Jonathan Hyde or is it Jonathan Hind? Jonathan Hyde, he's in Jumanji, he's the hunter in Jumanjie. And he's also in Titanic because

like he's got a big mustache. Yes, he also lived just outside my village at the time, So I mean you can imagine, you can imagine my delight. I would just like I think, I hope, hope that I was going to I mean I think also I would also say a massive part of this is like a deep and like truly unhealthy crush on Andi DiCaprio. Yeah. So in my mind, I'm thinking maybe I'll bump into Jonathan Hind or is it Hyde? I can't remember, Sorry to Jonathan whichever one it is, I remember, think I'll bump

into him. Then somehow through him, I'll meet Leonardo's DiCaprio, and then we'll fall in love and be together what's a lovely I think this truthful. What's the film that you love? It's not a critically acclaimed most people don't like it, but you love it unconditionally. Home Alone too, lust in New York. Yeah, okay, so I'll tell you why the Donald Trump when Yeah, that's unfortunate. That is

unfortunate Donald Trump cameo. So when we would hire the TV at Christmas, yeah, we would often watch Home Alone. And we still My family and I watch it every year together like whenever when when we're all together for Christmas, we still watch it and we watch Home Alone too. And I love Home Alone too because I think it's a really funny, genuinely funny sequel that does play on the jokes from the first one and does in a playful way and not in a cringe way, in a

way that does sort of it's self referential. There are really funny things. I mean, yeah, just them just when they sleep in and they just got up and they just go, We're did it again? I love it well, I mean, what's not to love. I also think Uncle Frank in the Home Alone movies is one of the greatest comic creations of cinema and I'm not saying that with any degree of sarcasm or irony. I think he's

so funny. I think it just everything he says, like when Kevin says something like when when his mum says, you've got to go and get your tie, where's you're tie? And he's like, well, it's in the bathroom. But Uncle franksin they're having a Sharon. He said, if I came in and saw him, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man. Like that's so funny, and just yeah, just he's just so funny. Steve that's trying to steal the glasses from the He's just like an absolute nightmare,

hand around the canopeys before it's time. Lovely and so yeah, I think, yeah, I think Uncle Frank I love so anything where I got to see him again great. And then also I really like the way that in Home Alone Too Lost in New York, the psychopathic elements of Kevin McAllister's character really they runs it up. They go We've got I mean literally in that there's a scene where Marv has he's somehow got Marv giving Marv an

electric shock and he turns. There's this like where he's like dead Eyed Kevin, and he's just turning the knob of the generator up and then I don't if you remember this, there's a shot in which Marv's face when he turns the shock right up cuts to a skeleton with hair. Briefly, yes, he and the noise he makes. I'm going to do the noise now, Okay, he goes. And it's so good. It also has my favorite quote from I mean, I quote me and my brothers quote

this to each other all the time. I also think I do also think that like Joe Peshi and is it Howard ster Daniels, Daniel Sterne. Sorry, I think those performances are absolutely outstanding. I do. I just think Home Alone the Home Alone films don't get enough credit, and I think Home Alone two is just as good I do, if not better. I think it's on a par but obviously Home Alone one people think it's good and everyone's like, oh Home Alone two, ship it's not. It's brilliant also,

Catherine Harror, I mean, it's it's an incredible cast. It's amazing. But the best, the finest quote, me and my brother's quote this all the time is when Marv gets in he finally gets in. He's had numerous bricks to the head, you know, there's lots always a bricks to the head scene.

And then Marv goes, he gets he finally breaks into this abandoned house and he goes, Harry, I've reached the top, and then immediately falls down two story steps in a big hole, falls down two stories, flow on his face. Then it then there's like it cuts away to something else and it just cuts back to him and he just goes. He just goes. He lifts his head up and just goes, Wow, what a hole. And it's it's absolutely fantastic. Get yourself on YouTube. Ye great answer, Rose Johnson.

What is the film that you used to love but you've watched it recently and you've thought, I do not like this anymore or whatever that may be another Christmas film? It's not actually interesting. Used to love it, really loved it, you know, nice cozy Richard Curtis's film, ha ha ha haha, lovely romantic. Yeah, I just really thought it was lovely. He thought it was sad, maybe cry, you know, Emma Thompson,

I thought it was really funny. Hugh Grant as a dance all that and then the bit with you know their porn actors and then they you know, yeah, and then you give it a rewatch recently and you think, oh, deary me, dear, oh dear, dear, O, dear o dear. Colin Firth is basically given a woman when he goes away who they can't communicate, you can't speak, but she

nonetheless falls in love with him. And then there's a scene towards the end where the dad is trying to sell off the other daughter saying, no one's going to want miss dunkin Donuts twenties fifteen or whatever. It is a lot of fat shaming. Like Martin McCutcheon's character. The whole comic storyline there is that she's fat when she's

not fat. The I mean, there's a Lindy West article on Jezebel which says all of this much better than I am, but it's a it's an incredibly problematic film, and you kind of go when you get older and you sort of well, you sort of understand how I think.

I went to university and studied some film studies actually was and sort of thought about how women are presented in films, and yeah, I just was like, this is, um, this is appalling, and you just think, well, this is Yeah, it's very obviously a film that's written by a man for women, and I just think it's it doesn't treat treat us very well. You know, I do know. I know exactly what you're talking about, Road, and I can't argue with any of that. That being said, if it

was on, I would watch it. And that being said, it's really lovely and you'll make yeah it is. That's the thing. The problem is is, like it does with these there's a weird thing with being a woman with films like that, where they are so good in this formulaic way at not manipulating your emotions but provoking a certain emotional response via narrative, by music, via all that kind of stuff that you sort of do enjoy them. You suspend your disbelief, you suspend your your outrage to

enjoy them. It's just I wish that I didn't have to do that with so many films. I agree with that, what's the film that means the most to you? Not necessarily a film itself is any good, but because the experience you had around seeing it, that will always make it special. So this was. I found this one really hard,

I partially because I have a terrible memory. So I do you know what I would love to say is I went to Australia on my gap year because I'm an absolute basic bitch, and I went to this town in the mountains in Australia where basically weed as legal. I don't know how. I think maybe it's just like the police are like, we can't be bothered to go all the way over there. Let's just let them go on with it. So it's like a really like hippie dippy town, as you know everywhere else bonds. There's a

lot of white people with dreadlocks. It's that kind of vibe. Yeah, and they've got cinema there where everyone goes and gets high and watch his film a film, And I really remember, and that experience was crazy because I was super high. By The problem is I was so high, I can't remember what the film was. That's great, Do you remember any detail of it? No, I remember the cinema. I remember the cinema more. It had like psychedelic stuff painted on the walls. But the film, I can't tell you.

And then you know, you sort of said maybe the film that you went to see on your foot on a date a special date by the film that I went to see on my first date with my husband was we need to talk about Kevin. So it doesn't really feel Yeah, it doesn't really work like I'd say, that wasn't a particularly memorable experience. It's not special to me that film. I'm not like, oh, yeah, that lovely film that we watched together on our first date. I'd rather forget it, you know what I mean. But did

you kiss after it after we need to talk about Kevin? Oh? Probably? Probably? Yeah, probably, yeah, probably. Yeah. I shouldn't have imagine I'd like that stopped me. No, I probably got you in the mood if anything. So the film that I'm actually going to pick for this

one is kill Bill two. Okay, because I really when I was thinking, when do I really remember being in a cinema when it's a really memorable experience, and it was for that and I was at Uni, and I remember I loved kill the first kill Bill film so much. I was so excited when the second one was going to come out, and I went to watch it like at lunchtime that you know, the first showing of the day.

And I remember there was no one else in the cinema, just me, and I remember really vividly feeling like, this is what it's like being a grown up. I'm an adult. I can go and watch this film. That's an eighteen. That's why cool director. And I'm watching it in the middle of the day by myself and I can do that. Yeah, And that's it's a bit of a weird one, but that's I love that. I really loved that. M That's a great answer, and we've not had one like that,

and I love it. Rose Johnson, what's the film you most relate to Ladybird because of her relationship with her mum? Tell me, yeah, just that specific detail of it. I just thought that it presented that impossible relationship between mother and daughter just perfectly, and and the fact that it's it is absolutely fifty percent pure love and fifty percent just the most annoyance and irritation and passive aggression that anyone can ever have. What's your ratio now with my mum? Yeah?

That fifty fifty? What is it now? Still fifty? Depends if I'm it depends if I'm in her actual company, right, Okay, in her actual I am I When I'm with her, she is the most amazing, loving, supportive, generous person, and she's an incredible mother. But I just and she but but it must be a genetic thing. She just can inspire the most like and like just absolute impossible like feelings of annoyance with me, and she brings she makes

me like. My interactions with her make when I am the worst version of myself health but also the best version of myself. That's so sometimes. Yeah, she wants she makes me want to be the best version of myself, and then she makes me wants to scream. I think that's nice. I think my family only get the worst of me. Sadly, I don't think they get it's horrible. I think it's a horrible thing to notice about yourself that you're being like that, and that you're sort of

incapable of not being like that. You revert to this, Yes, sulky teenager basically who has no patience. Dan says that he thinks that we are genetically predisposed to find our parents annoying because that's what makes us leave and not stay with them forever. Yeah, I have heard a theory that why teenagers suddenly hate their parents say that they won't have sex with them because when we were like living in caves and there are only four people on

the planet. Yeah, yeah, getting puberty, you're thinking, oh, she's I'd say yeah, i'd say for me, you know, but sure in the past, fine, but yeah, that one. And like, I don't want I think this is like I don't want it to sound like does that make me sound bad? Basically I don't want to sound bad. And it's not about her. It's not about her at all. It's about me.

It's about me and how and that. Yeah, it's such a complicated relationship because I think a lot of time your mothers will project things onto their daughters that they their own hopes and aspirations and neuroses, and then as a daughter you react against that, but you don't appreciate the different obstacles and things like that that your parents. You don't see them as people. They're your parents. They're just an authority. But actually it's like no, they they're

just a person, you know. And I just thought that film really nailed it. That's a lovely answer. Race, what's them? Speaking of mums? What's the sexiest film you've ever seen? Okay, and you told me, you've said I'm not allowed to mention this, but I'm sorry it's Dirty Dancing. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's okay. Yeah, I only say because it's come up a lot, but it hasn't come up for a while, so it's okay. So okay. So I would say that for me, Dirty Dancing is maybe the most

seminal film of my life. So I was like, I have to, I have to mention it, fair enough. It's a fantastic I watched it first with my friends, the Barnsies, Polydaisy, Georgia Barnes, absolute legends. So I think, I mean, I was far too young. We were must have been, yeah, under ten, I would say, when did it come out? Eighties? Nineties? Eight? Yeah, so yeah, I think we would have been under ten.

It was so weird because I watched it. We used to watch it all the time and loved it because obviously at that age you love all the dancing and the music. It's like the soundtrack is absolutely banging. Yeah. Obviously the abortion storyline really went over my head at that age, but I didn't then, didn't watch it for years. So when I did then watch it, again when I was an adult or when I was a sort of teenager.

Not only is it like an absolutely fantastic film that I will stand by until the day I die, but it hit me with the most overwhelming nostalgia that I've ever experienced, because I remember it's like watching It's like this the most crazy deja vu when you watched you You're like, I watched this as a child and I can't rem and I'm only just remembering that now, and

I can remember these sites and noises and stuff. But the scene in when she goes to his cabin and he dances with her, and he specifically the bit where he he like holds her and he sort of swings her round, and I believe these arms of Mine is playing sounds about right, And Mama Mia, I watched that, I think, yeah, at an age where I think he was probably the first sort of sex scene. I mean it's a very soft, soft core sex scene. You don't see anything. I think it was probably the first sex

scene I ever watched. And it was like what is this? And swazy is like so hot? Yeah, And just also that like whole it's got a real teenage romance vibe. Twit where you know where they like, He's like, they sneak off and go down to the lake and he breaks the thing with his car, Like I feel like I had. You know, when you're a teenager, you do things like that. Don't you feel like everything's this epic? You feel like everything's a kind of holiday. Wrote a

summer romance. Yeah, so yeah, but that scene where he yeah, he sort of like dips around. Let me tell you I watched it. I watched I've seen it a million times because I have a sister, but I hadn't seen it in many years. But I did watch it. That's three months ago when it was on TV. It was on I haven't seen it in years. Does it hold up? Only? Does it hold up? It's fucking amazing. It's a really

really brilliant film, very far ahead of its time. It's brilliant. However, the only bit that I was like is right at the end when he Johnny comes on stage to do the last dance, even though he's been asked not too. He gives a speech and he goes, yeah, I'm supposed to do the last dance and we do this every year, and he goes, but someone taught me that it's important to start. And I'm thinking everyone in the audience is game. Fuck is he talking about? Yeah? Yeah, the end of

year show. They've had four. Peter Klardi's dec this, what's this coach? This? And be what the fuck is he talking about? Like he's going to cry, what earth this guy? You know? But as a as a when you watch that as an impressionable sort of late teenager, either thought of a boy doing that about you? Oh yeah it's hot yea, yeah, I do think it's and I just think it's an absolutely outstanding film. I really do. Yeah, I think the soundtrack is Yeah, I just like I said,

I think the soundtrack is incredible. Jennifer Gray is brilliant and like, you know, peak of her, i'd say, you know she peeked, Yeah, what's um? There's a troubling what's the what is? There's a subcategory troubling bonus worrying why dones? What's the film you found arousing but you weren't sure that you should have? Okay, So the film that I've chosen, I don't think it's that weird to find I think it's not unusual to find this character sexy. But so

it's streetcar named Desire. It's Marlon Brando class and that. Yeah, he's just he's just raw sex. But he's also an abusive husband. So that's that's the reason why it's it's worrying because it's like, why do you find that attractive? But he's just I do think that's like, yeah, the bit where he like mews like a cat, don't mind if I do. What is the objectively the greatest film of all time? Rose Johnson, Silence of the Lambs. Fantastic answer. I'll tell you for why please do? The thing is

with this one. The objectively thing is a real tricky word in that because objectively obviously it's like Godfather Part two or you know what I mean. But like, yes, yes, yes, great film. However, I think for me, for pure like pure entertainment value, Silence of the Lambs is a perfect film. He's also classified as a horror. Rose Johnson, do you think I think it's a thriller? I think there's a difference. I mean there's people peeling off faces, there's yeah, you know,

there's lots of suspense. There's like you don't see you don't see the vibe looking in the house with a fucking note vision. That's not a not a horror. M hmm, you love a horror. I can't believe it. You're Maybe it's just that I never Maybe it's just that I never watched them, and then I did watch that one

and I loved it, so maybe I would love them. Yeah. Basically, yeah, I think that film is just so well made and so like just I just you just I mean, I mean, I mean it's widely considered an excellent film, isn't I need to justify that. But in terms of if you want to sit down and watch a film, a movie Sun As the Lambs, you're never going to go, oh nah,

You're gonna be like yes. And also for me, it had to be that because is my favorite thing, Like my favorite genre of movies is like eighties slash nineties thrillers, Like it's got Michael Douglas please yeah, you know in in like a really boxy Porsche. He works, you know, he's got to work in he's got to work. He's got to have like an impossibly like eighties everywhere glass everywhere. What's that film? I was trying to remember this where he's in his house and then someone comes and there's

this like really tense standoff. Maybe it's cycle attraction, but I think it's another man though I can't remember. This is a bad anecdote, but basically my favorite if if, if, if, if you say to me, like what kind of films you want to watch? I would be like, like Wall Street, the fun there's got to be like probably a psychopathic woman can be Glenn Close, it can be yeah, it

can be like something like that. Just something that's really like probably it's got to be American, really escapist, like all about really rich people in the eighties, like specific hy or nineties or nineties. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I love those films. Yeah, I love them, like Love the Bone Collector, like things like this Love. Yeah, that's

what that's. If you say, like I'm constantly looking from the more of those working girl, you know, constantly, that's what I want, is like it's gotta yeah, sort of a Nora f like you know when Harry met Sally sort of it's like that esthetic of like like that era. Well then the modern equivalent of that you're looking at you're looking at your Nancy Myers films. You're looking at it. It's complimicated and you're looking at. Something's got to give. No, I don't want those. It has to be it has

to be dating eighties or nineties. I would say for me, that's the golden age of cinema, right, because you know, again, greatest film of all time. I thought, well, I pick a big musical like I love Oliver Cabaret. But I just the most enjoyment I get is out of those really escapist eighties like Lucks. Somebody is either murderous or so doing something so nefarious with money that it's going to drive them to murder. Absolutely obsessed with horror films.

What's the what's the film you could or have? What's the most? Over and over again it's die Hard, great answer, Yeah, just pure and simple glass eighties horror. Yeah, that that absolutely fits into my my thing. Yeah, I think it's fantastic. Again again, I love the what's his name? The guy go? Yeah, it's roll Legs. You know that guy he gets shot in the head really early doors. Yeah, he is great. It's such a good film. But I mean, I don't really need to go into it, do I. I just

but again, it's like we watched that every Christmas. It's a real kind of and a lot of those films. It is just like the kind of quotability thing, isn't it that you It's just iconic and Rickman just doing an absolutely sterling job. It's really really really good storytelling die Hard and it's the sort of film that really is easy and it has never been talk really Okay,

this is a fun story about my mum. Yeah, we were watching they My mom and dad get really annoyed when we whenever we're watching Home Alone, Home Alone Too and die Hard. Every Christmas they come and they're like, oh, this again, you've seen it and we're like, yes, that's not the point. So then one year we were like, let's watch die Hard too. She hasn't seen that. Right about an hour into the film, Yeah, Bruce Willis walks

into shot and my mum goes, who's he? So just to give you an idea of what I'm playing with when you're watching a film, Dan, my husband said that his one of his ultimate aims is to watch Inception with her and put a webcam on her and just so we can like live broadcast her watching Inception and losing her mind. Dear, what is the We don't like to be negative rise, so do it quickly. What's the worst film you ever saw? Oh, I'm I'm going to

be negative. It's called Love's Kitchen and it's an absolute stinker. Is that the Gordon Ramsey went, yeah, Gordon Ramsey said it doing a cameo and I mean as himself and failing to convince. I would say it surprises me because I always thought he is sort of acting, that's the thing. But I think as soon as someone says, oh, but you're acting in a film, yeah, it's But I also think it's the fault of the script. It's a tear. It's one of the worst scripts that there's ever been.

I can't really remember much of it. I watched it ages ago and just could not believe my eyes. Basically, the premise is like the entire jeopardy that the whole film is based on is if a restaurant can get a good review. That's the whole thing. And there's like a hot there's like a like the peak of the action in the film is when this main guy tries to win round the hostile locals with a duck dish. And I'm saying, like, you're comparing that to die Hard,

say Jeopardy wise, not great. I'm going to now I've not seen Loves Kitchen, but I'm going to defend that story. There's a way of telling that story that I think can be interesting, and I'm sure that films like Big Net and Rata Twee aren't far off the plot Loves Kids. Yeah, I think film, but I wouldn't blame It's right. It's a writer director. I think, bless him, and he's had

to go. I'd say this is one of the instances in which you should one of those pick one and then hand over control to someone else and get another. Just get another eye over it, you know what I mean? In that case, have something jump off the skyscraper. Yeah, And I also think, like when I watch it, I suppose actually though, it's quite amazing that it got made, because you just kind of think how, how, who paid?

Where was the money for that? And then but then you watch it and I kind of think, why would you know what that got made? That's it better stuff than that? Yeah? For me, I just remember it feeling like it's like chaos, but it's like it's like really boring chaos, so like nothing hangs together, there's no real like narrative. There's characters that sort of come in and you think, oh, they're going to be something. Surely they're going to then be something integral to the plot, never

never see him again. Then Simon Callo comes in. The performances are all over the place. There's no you know, sort of overarching thing, but it's it's yeah, it's chaotic, and it's it's really baggy and chaotic, but just yeah, like so boring, Like it's not even like, you know, what's that movie The Room that everyone loves watching because it's so bad, Like it's just although actually, to be honest, you know, I would watch it with you. I think it would be funny to watch because it's so bad.

So actually, maybe it's not a terrible film because it's entertaining, but not in the way that it's intending to be, because I don't think it's even really a comedy, or maybe it is meant to be a comedy and it's not. It's so unfunny that then it's funny. Does Gordon Ramsa come in and do a kitchen nightmare or something? What's his part in it? Ah? Yeah, I think he's like a friend of the chef character and yeah, I think it's yeah, him sort of being like that kind of

ill like this shit, Yeah, your restaurant is rubbish. But I feel like if enough people watched it, it could become like the Room. Like I feel like there could be like, you know, screenings at the Prince Charles Cinema where everyone goes and watches it and shouts the lines along. So I'd say, if you haven't watched it, have a guy, because it's remark it's remarkable. I think you've actually sold it quite well. Imagine if it now becomes a sleeper hit.

Sorry go on, because are you I'd buy some shares in it right now? What's the what you're in comedy? You're very funny. What's the film that made you laugh the most? Okay, the one that I remember laughing to the most is a film called The Castle. Love the Castle, the fucking gray film. I watched it when I was on my yeah, on my basic gap year in Australia, and they put it on on a really long coach journey. You know, you do your backpack of thing you get

on a greyhound bus. They put this film on and I just remember being like, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen, and then I couldn't because there wasn't online. There wasn't, I mean, like stuff wasn't. You couldn't watch films online. Then I got home and I couldn't get it because it was a different region. I couldn't. I could never get it. And I don't think i've I haven't watched it since. I just remember I just watched. I actually just watched a clip of it to just

be like, do I remember that. I don't remember this to be funny, My god, it's funny. The script is so funny, like the opening scene where the guy's saying where they live, and he's like, we live we live right next to an airport, which would which would be which is going to be really handy if we ever need to use a plane. And it's just like stuff like that, my dad got our house for an absolute steel, Like it's worth now almost as much as what he

paid for it. Like it's so funny and it's just a really I think it was like such a life. It was a really low budget, massive hit in Australia. Yeah, I think they've I think they think they just voted it their favorite fit. It's not really widely known over here. Is its great or is it not? Massively? But it's so funny, and i'd say, you know, if you like Christopher Guest kind of films, it's it's that kind of very like supernaturalistic but really funny. They're real people with

these characters, but the script is just fantastic. I don't know if it was much of it was improvised or were you messed off your head when you watched it, like the rest of your time in Australia. No, I don't think I was. I was prebaby hung over, right. Were you on your own in Australia, Yeah, that's cool. Did you fall in love? Oh? I tried to, but I couldn't. I didn't have much success dating wise until quite late on Brad. I couldn't. I was too loud and no, I really I try. I tried my best,

but no, no, I didn't fall in love. I tried. I did try, but yeah, I just I really did feel for a long time that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I didn't. I just didn't have much success with men, and I do think it was because I was probably very outgoing and loud and intimidating and because actually yes, since I have, there's been like a couple of people who've said, oh, yeah, I used to like you at school, but you could have told me

I was just from crying. It was my boyfriend. Yeah yeah, Rosas and you are nothing but fascinating. You've been a wonderful guest. However, when you were you went to you know, they've opened Latitude this summer and it's a testament. It's going to be massive everywhere, full capacity. And you go along. You're doing this solo show and a Skeetco show and a reading of your new book. And before between your first gig, you do you first gig Aapolute it's Massi.

You're the hero of Latitude, and you're nervous about your second gig, it's Skeetco back with the Birthday Girls. And you go to a Portly to have a little little number two and you go in there and you drop your earring that you were wearing. It's special hearing to you that Dan gave you and it's falling straight down the putt and you're like a fuck, but it's one

of them. Portly is like it's aid a trough, you know underneath with all the yeah, yeah, effluence of what's going on in there, and you're like fucking know that real, Like Dad's gonna kill me if I don't get that hearing back. And so you sort of reach your hand in. It's not you can't reach. You can't reach. You think, well, there's enough toilet, baby, I can sort of clean my arms. You put your rather army in and then your arms slides a bit and you fall head first down. This

is horrifying. Yeah, but you're you get stuck because you get so your top art goes down, wedged you're wedged in, but your head has gone straight into the to the ship. So your head you can't and you can't move because your arms are trapped in the shape of the box. You're like that, but your head first in this, in this sewage, and your head is in it and you can't breathe, and your legs are kicking. You're kicking against the door. It's quite dark death and people can hear

bang it. Yeah, basically you're drowning in ship dragon Grand drowning ship and it's it's really horrific to describe it. But what Hammers is beating in Camille are looking for you. Where the fuck is Rose? Why is she late? We're about to go on stage. I heard she went to the toilet. Camille comes comes around, knocking on doors. Rose, Rose, Rose gets to this door, no sound, but she just has a sense and she breaks open the door and there's your legs sticking out of the toilet, sort of

like trainspotting like that. You're just just a pair of yeah, yeah, pair of legs sticking out of the toilet. But clearly they're not moving. And it's not like a heroine hallucination. It's no, it's real life. And Camille immediately knows what's happened. She construct hearing down the let's go bet. I think Roses drowned to around head and shit. And people hear this they start laughing, and I'm there and I'm going, I don't think it's that funny. I mean, I'm worried

about her. But everyone's laughing and they see the image of the legs sticking out of the portal and they go, that is funny. This was a good gig. Basically, you smashed the gig like it's even better than the first gig. But we have to I have to get you out of this fucking thing. So we have to actually smash up the porterloo just to get you out. Shit everywhere. A lot of it's like encrusted on you because you've

been there quite a while before they found you. I've got a coffin with me because I always take a coff into latitude, you never know, and so I have to chop you up, chop you up all this shit. I'm wearing goggles in a mask and gloves because this rough anyway get you in the coffin. But there's more of you than I was expecting because of all this fucking sewage attest to you, stuffed you in. It's absolutely jammed in there. It's ram jammed right, there's no room.

There's only enough room in this coffin for me to slide one DVD into the side with you to take across to the other side. On the other side. It's a movie night. Every night. One night is your movie night. What film are you taking to show the citizens of Heaven when it's your movie night? Rose Johnson, go, has someone already taken dirty Dancing? I think? So? Okay, listen truly, yeah, okay, um, yeah,

I'm gonna take Love's Kitchen it's great. No one hasn't brought it just because I think you need a bit of light and shade. If everyone is taking incredible films, you have got no context, You have got nothing to compare them to. You don't know when you don't know what's bad. And I also think it will be such a nice bonding experience for everyone to laugh at it and make it into this like. I feel like it will become like a like I said, a cult thing

in Heaven. I love it. I think it's lovely, and I hope you don't feel awkward when the writer director arrives in Heaven. But by that stage you'll have gone for a second. You'll be like I actually do think yeah. Yeah. By that point it will be like the most amazing celebrity appearance of all time. Everyone will everyone will yeah, And it'll be amazing for him because listen, I've read some reviews of Love Kitchen. They ain't good. But I imagine when he comes up to Heaven and he gets

met hero Is welcome. Everything he dreamed of when he made the film that never played out on Earth. He will get this hero Is. It'll be like the end of Titanic, where where you know she's coming, and then down the stairs and then everyone's on the stairs Jackson stairs. It'll be like that for this guy, but it'll be loads of people clapping holding the copy of other's kitchen going Bravo. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, that's nice. That's lovely.

Rose Johnson, You've been wonderful. Is there anything you'd like to tell people to look out for, listen, to watch or buy in the shops? Yes? Please. I've got a podcast with the other Sketcho's Birthday Girls called Birthday Girls House Party. I love it. Brad's been on it, and we've got a live podcast that we're doing of our Birthday Girls House Party at the Underbelly in Cavendish Square in London on Saturday, the twenty first of August at five pm. And it'll be so fun. It's a mayhem.

There'll be games, they'll be chaos, there'll be huge over sharing. If you think I've told some stories on this podcast, just you wait. And we've got Susie Ruffle as our guests, so it's going to be a great time. So get booking on the Underbelly website. Please highly recommend that, and I hope we all get to read your book soon. Rose Johnson. I love you, Love you too, Brad, have a wonderful debt and I will see you for the screening of Love's Kitchen. Thank you, good day. So that

was episode one hundred and fifty four. Head over to the Patreon at patreon dot com. Forward slash Brett Goldstein for the extra twenty minutes of Chat Secrets and add free video with Brace Johnson. Go to Apple Podcasts. Give us a five star rating, but don't write about the show. Write about the film that means the most to you and why I do read them. I love it. It helps numbers. It's really appreciated. Maureen loves it too. Thank you so much to Rose for doing the show. Thanks

to Scrubious Pipping the Distraction Pieces Network. Thanks to Buddy Peace for producing it. Thanks to a Gas for hosting it. Thanks Adam Richardson for the graphics, Lisa Laden for the photography. Come and join me next week for a huge guest, an amazing guest. You won't believe you I've got, but I ain't going to tell you yet. So that is it for now. I hope everyone is well in the meantime.

Thank you very much for listening, have a lovely week, and please, now more than ever, be excellent to each others const