Romesh Ranganathan (Episode 93 Rewind!) • Films To Be Buried With with Brett Goldstein #219

I think this was like the first two months of Lockdown. First month, I can't remember. I think it all comes clear on the podcast. Anyway. If you don't know Romes, of course you do, stop lying about it. He's an award winner. He's on everything, he's in everything. He's consistently brilliant. He's a national treasure. I love him. You love him.

This is a really special episode. And if you want all the extra content, the videos, the ad, free full uncut extra questions, the secrets from the guests, you can find all that and more over at patreon dot com Forward slash Brett Goldstein. That's all over there. I'll be releasing some new episodes very soon already recorded on They're brilliant. You're going to love it, But in the meantime that's

it for now. I very much hope you enjoy this rewind classic with romesh Ranger Nathan of Films to be Buried With, Hello, and welcome to Films to be Buried With. It is I Brett Goldstein and I am joined today via a Internet connection with a podcaster, an actor, a writer, a presenter, a track have, a league of their owner, a family man, a stand up comedian, and frankly, let's call him what he is, a national treasure. Please welcome to the show, the brilliant Rom's like an apen, Thank you,

thank you. A lot of that was bullshit, but thank you. Thanks for doing this from its bright It's an absolute honor to be on your podcast. Mate. Look, I know you won't say it, but I've been texting you sort of sporadically since you started for about a year now, yeah, since you started doing this podcast, because you don't seem to want me on it. What I found is every every three or four months, I get a text from ROMESK just going what the fuck? And I know what

it means? And it's usually the day the podcast comes out with someone on it that isn't him, and I thought, the guy needs a break. So so I finally you know, so thank you listen. Thank you for you know, I guess I need to fill some guests, but thank you for doing this and I appreciate it. It's very exciting. Now. I ain't seen you in a world for many reasons. One't because we're in lockdown, and two because of all the people I know, i'd say you're the most workaholic.

You're in the top three. Okay, and here if I've got some things I wanted to ask you about. One is I think you're phenomenal. I'm a huge, huge fan, always have been. And what you've done, which is very rare, is somehow you've got to the stage where you're in everything, but it's not annoying. Well, I think I think you. I don't think everyone shares that opinion, mate, I don't know what's happened. I don't think you think national treasure means the same thing that I do, because national treasure

to me means somebody who's nationally treasured. That that sort of buy. It's great definition. And I'm so far from that. I don't I don't even think I'm a county treasure Jeman. So you're a postcode treasure. Very big, great, great. That's so the other thing that you do, which I found personally has done to him because I think I would very much struggled with it. Did you work a lot with your family and as your shows have grain, you not just work with your mum, but your wife and

kids and uncles and cousins. I mean, that's extraordinary. How do you cope? The mom thing sort of happened by accident just because when we're doing Asian Provocator we thought would be funny. So that is, I'll be honest with you, that feels amazing actually in a way. I mean I talk about it. I've talked about it on stage. How frustrating I find it that she's become this breakout star or whatever. And she she is reliable and consistently funny on everything that we get her in on. Yeah, and

that is great. But she also you know, when my dad, my dad passed away few years ago, but when my brother, my mum and I both went through a horrendous like my mom had a horrendous time bringing us up and so, and there was a time when anything like this would have felt like it would never you know, nothing like

this we could have ever imagined. So seeing my mum enjoy being on TV and stuff like that, take away the fact that she's put zero effort into the craft of it or anything like that, and that is obviously as an artist, that is frustrating. But take that all the way and it is an amazing thing. Lisa and the kids, Lisa and the kids, my wife and kids. I would describe that as do I slightly regret that I do regret. I do have regrets about that, to be HONESTE, Lisa hates being on TV. She hates if

anybody recognizes her. Not that she resents it, it's just she doesn't want any attention at all. She is the opposite of my mum in terms of her attitude towards us, towards this whole thing. So like if I if I ever get recognized when I'm with Lisa, she will disappear like I'd look round and she's gone much. She just

hates anything like that. And I did manage to convince her to be involved in this shard did call justin I've immigrant we went to la and I tried to sell out the Greek in three months or whatever, and I loved it. Oh, thanks very much, and you are one of I would say maybe fifteen people who saw it and loved it, So that's so thank you. You're amongst an elite group. It was the same amount of

people that came to the Greek. I think the only people that watched the show were the people looking out for themselves in the gig at the end of the ses. But Lisa, she agreed to do it because they were intergral to the show, the whole thing of uprooting your family and taking him over there. But she didn't enjoy. She did not enjoy. I think she enjoyed the process.

She didn't enjoy. If I'd said to her, we've made the show and that's going to get locked away in a vault or something, she would have been, Oh, that's great, that was a fun experience. It's the actual coming out and then people coming up to and going, oh, saw you on this thing? She just yeah, she doesn't enjoy any of that, being recognized, any of that show. She

hates it. To anuine question, you might not answer, did you ever find yourself when you're shooting scenes with your family, particularly with your wife and children, where you're frustrated, where you're thinking do that better, say that better? Or like no, it doesn't I guess because a lot of that show is you kind of you go with what happens. And Lisa in a way as if you if you looked at as sitcom characters and this is not might not

make sense if you haven't watched a show. But like so, my uncle Rags, he is a great sitcom device because he's so nuts you buy him suggesting anything. I mean, So that's really useful to have someone like him in the show. And my Mum is a very good character in terms of taking me down or undermining me or whatever. So she's all and she's always going to do that.

That's in her nature to do that, right, And Lisa is probably the trickiest, you know, putting the kids to one side, Lisa's probably the trickiest to get to work, if you like, in a sitcom way, because she's the most two three dimensional yeah basically essentially it. Yeah, she's like a normal regular person, you know. And so actually all we needed was for her to be herself because Essentially, she's the person that's looking in on all of this, going,

this is fucking this ain't gonna work. Like you're you're you're being you're being insane or whatever, and so you're just whenever we've tried to suggest things to them, it never works as well as just going, let's let this play out and see what happens. The kids were our second son, well, actually all three of the kids didn't want to be not they didn't want to be on it. They were excited to be on it. They didn't want to take any direction or any kind of suggestions about

what to do at all. Maybe our eldest son did a little bit THEO, but the other two just couldn't give a shiny shit. I mean they were just like, they're very much this is my energy. You're gonna have to make it work. In the edit that was kind of that was the message we got from them, you know. So yeah, it's the one thing I find I feel a bit sad about because it's all obviously it's great to involve your I love to be able to involve the family, and they get excited. And when my uncles

are involved in it, and they get very excited. And the one person I feel a bit bad about is my brother, my brother, who also has started doing stand up comedy. Now, my brother is a very funny bloke. Yeah, he's a very funny bloke, but he's unusable for this, for a lot of this stuff because he's too similar to me. So in terms of like actually casting a show, he doesn't. He doesn't work as a you know what

I mean. So we put him in. We put him in Asian Provocateur, put in an episode of Asian Provocateur. But I always said to my brother, if I can try and find something that will work for you and me, I will do. But it's just it just didn't. I don't know. It's so weird. It's so weird saying to your brother, your character doesn't your character doesn't work for this, and this character is him as a person. That's so fascinating. Your character is too similar to the lead characters that

we've been writing so different. Unfortunately, because we've gone a different way for the brother. Yeah, unfortunately, because you grew up in exactly the same circumstances as the lead character, you've actually tarned that to be far too similarly out there do you have members of your family like cousins, or you must have more people who haven't been on your show. I imagine them contacting your game when the

fuck amy on it. Well they don't, they don't ever say that, but you do get that vibe because it's not nice, isn't it. I mean everybody, I think everybody. Not everybody wants to say to have a career in television, but everybody would like to be on television for a bit. I think that's the impression. And so every now and again, though, I'll get an email from them going where we are. It's really nice. That's you know, if you're ever thinking of if you ever thinking of doing a thing where

you look at Oh god, I'll tell you what. Some of the guards we've got living down in this area. Oh we've got some characters in Brumley. Have you been to I'll tell you where. It's fucking mad Orpington. You should come and do a thing there is what another question? And I hope this is interesting to people, but it's fascinating to me is your shows they're all I guess scripted reality. If we were to, yeah, give them a genre. Yeah, and you know, for your example, the justin other Immigrant,

you had a mission. It was ten episodes. Yeah, how much of it is you just going we have to trust because it seems to me that there's a lot of trusting. We're just going to find the thing as it goes. But how much of that is me being fooled Bay and how much of it is No, it's all plotted out. And Asian Provocateur was more of a

traditional travel documentary. You know, there was some you know, we were trying to find funny things to do, but it's more of a traditional travel dot whereas justin ov Immigrant was very much more what you're talking about, which is a comedy show, you know, a scripted reality show. But what we did, I guess the easiest way to explode it is like take a scene, so I would know what I'm going to do, and sometimes my uncle might know what he's going to do. But apart from that,

nobody really knows what's going on at all. So for example, I went to get head shots done, like Hollywood head shots or whatever, and the photographer doesn't know that I'm trying to push for funny the Lisa is just turning up with me to head a photo shoot we've not said anything to her about how to play or anything like that. Same with the kids, so they just do what they want to do. The photographer does what she wants to do. And actually that one, it was very

much shot as reality, I guess. I mean, if you'd just sent me to get some head shots done, it probably would have come out a lot like that. There are other ones. For example, we did one where me and Me and Rags unveiled a banner behind Mary Ilopez on his live TV show. So with that, Mariolopez didn't know what was going to happen, but his producer, the producers of his show did, because we had to get permission to do that, and Rags and knew, you know,

we knew that we were going to do that. But aside from that, so you have this, I guess, the way that we write it is, we think this would be a funny thing to do. Let's see how it plays out, you know what I mean. And on that day it didn't play out, actually didn't play as well as we would have liked because security, they can't be in full controllable security, so we got kicked off almost immediately.

Whereas we had ideas about how we were going to push it further and things like that, and also were there were discussions about how much to produce it and how much to not produce it. So a couple of the guys working on the show wanted us to manage how many tickets got sold at the Greek because they felt like it would be much better if something happened towards the end of the series that gave it a

boost or suddenly we got like a cool ending. But me and Ben Green, who directed, in a couple of other guys, we were just very adam and let's just see, let's just play it real and see what happened. And then the last couple of weeks I didn't I asked

them not to tell me how it was selling. And we did this thing where we went to the Mexican border and we started building Trump's wall as like a stunt to try and get some publicity, and actually, like we got shut down, it actually got some publicity because people across the other side of the border saw it and it started to people thought Trump was actually starting his wall, because the whole, the whole idea of it was to build the wall to knock it down, as

like a big stunt that actually I'm an immigrant to America and it's sort of a sign of it was like, it was like this really fucking Eggy, deliberately Eggy, and I genuinely started to think, oh, fuck, man, I think we got some publicity of this because I got invited onto TMZ to talk about and like that. And then I started thinking on, maybe we sell some tickets, and then that reality was shattered when I walked out on the night and I think we sold like three hundred

and twenty or something. It's six six thousand, So it was, oh, man, I knew. I knew it was going to be low. I knew it was going to be low. Yeah, I

didn't know it was going to be it's bells. That's all so fascinating to me, and I just think it's well, look, on a personal level, I think I find it interesting because I feel very much more guarded about my family and about partners, and I wonder why that is more like I guess control, like what they're going to say, what they're going to do, our God, And it's interesting to me that you have you're very open with all

of that, which is lovely. I admire it but I also wonder if with all the stuff that you're doing, with all the work that you do, and all this stuff that involves your family involves people around you, the people you love, do you ever get occasionally you just go, I just want to fucking sit in a box and be left alone and not have all of these things involved, like as in there seems no boundaries in order as well,

I mean the trip, you know what I mean. Yeah, that might be the way feels what there's an like to you watch it, but it's not that. My life is not like that. I mean, you know, I think having Lisa and the kids, Lisa is separated from what I do to the point that she doesn't watch anything I do. You know, she's got no connection with anything I do, right, Yeah, no interest. And she's just never been a comedy fan. She's not into it. She's very supportive, but she doesn't give a shit about what I do.

She'll come to watch, like once a tour show is up and running, she'll come and watch it, but she doesn't. She would never Yeah, she would never choose to sit down and watch a thing that I've done ever. In fact, in fact, the only thing she recently that I can think of that she sat down to watch was I did this travel show to Columbia, and she watched it because one of her friends said that I was flirting a lot with the with the co host and what

was herding. She no, she didn't give it. She just said, I don't know what. I don't know what she I don't know why. I was told that it looks fairly innocuous to me. I don't know if that. I don't know if if that's because it did look ancuous to her or she sees. The potential of that is so low, The risk of that leading to anything is so so miniscule.

But yeah, But the reason I mentioned all that is because it means that when I'm at home, I'm at home, and like it's I'm properly insulated from anything like that. You know, they don't. My kids don't watch anything I do. My wife doesn't watch anything I do. So it's it's pretty it's pretty good in that regard. The only thing I would say is I've had to get better at not thinking about work all the time I'm not work. I look in terms of if I'm at home, I don't want to see the sea Lisa from the kids.

But I'm constantly thinking about shit or a new idea or something. I mean, and it's so inane and boring to Lisa, you know, because I'll sort of I'll go, I've had this idea for a thing where I do this, or I remember what I remember, Like just before this tour, I had this idea for what's going to call the tour, and I had this idea for the image for it,

and I told you about it. And she said, and this sounds like she's an asshole, but she wasn't being She just goes, why why would you think i'd want to talk about listener, Like, well, let's talk about this, said lockdown, because I've been in lockdown now for this is the third week I've been in lockdown, and you're in lockdown with your family. I'm assuming, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm really as I said to you just before we started, I think this lookedown really highlights how mad,

how fucking mad we are. I am sadly yeah, And I realize in terms of being a workaholic, the ship that gets me through anything is making stuff. And like I'm amazed how much time I spend, Like I don't know if you know this. I started making a fake

reality TV show called Lone Island Online. The amount of work I'm putting into this stupid thing where I'm dating a plant, you would be horrified, Like I'm working it as if I'm making an HBO show, Like I spent three days on the edit of a two minute episode and like like I'm fucking you know, going over and over and shots of plants and like madness. Yeah, but I think that's good. That's good man. You're perfectionist. That's great,

isn't it. I'm a perfectionist for a thing. But then yesterday I sort of had a moment of clarity because I've been on it all day in the edit. Sorry guys, I'm in the edit, and then just had a moment of clarity, like what the fuck am I doing? Like this is this is mad? Like the world's ending, We're in in lockdown? What is you? And I'm obsessing going what is your end goal for that? Are you? Are

you putting that together? And it's the it's the thing that drives you to spend a day and edit on that because you think somebody is going to see that and you're going to be picked up to do something or is it literally is the goal? I just want this to be fucking great? Is that? Is that what it is? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I know. It never crossed my mind in terms of a bigger what it leads to. I think maybe I'm like your your wife in this way. I like the process. I don't care about the ultimate. Well,

I care enough that I want people to like it. Yeah, people think it's funny. That's it. I don't want it to turn into a multi you know. But the making the thing. It's always the coming up with ideas and making stuff is not the only thing. That and being in the sea are the only things that make me like, oh all right, everything's all right. Yeah mad, But I feel like, but I'm not the same thing. Man. I'm constantly I'm saying to you, like, I'm constantly writing stuff.

I'm constantly working on stuff, and I don't have I don't have editing in my thing right in my locker. I've taught myself. I've taught myself, right, Okay, So yeah, Well, to give you an idea of how how much of a midlife crisis I'm absolutely run to us. I've bought a set of decks and I'm now learning teaching myself to mix. Please do a live two hours set. Honestly, I said to Lisa, I'm going to buy some decks and speakers and I'm going to learn to DJ. And

she went, oh, that's a great idea. And then when the stuff arrived, she goes, what the fuck is this? And I said, I told you I was doing it. She goes, I thought you were joking like she was. She was being sarcastic, and then all of a stuff that there's a knock on the door. So I've got this, like, I've got this fucking set up in my house now, and it's just like that thing where you go, I don't know, it's trying to master stuff I think is

so exhilarating. And I think that's why I find stand up so exciting to do, because I still feel so nowhere near as good as I want to be at it, and so you never feel like I don't ever feel like I've cracked it, really, you know, at all. So so that that thing that keeps on challenging you, I don't know, it's really exciting. Well, this is the thing stand up is that only not the only one, but

the stand up. You're the beauty of it. Why it's wonderful is you'll never You'll never muster it because you're never safe. You can always have a bagg Chris Rock can have a bad gig. Even Chris Rock can have a baggig, could be the wrong crowd, could be bad. Mike's new material like You're never safe, and that's why

it's brilliant. However, currently he's my one other question for you, and then we should probably probably talk about films from it is that you know stand ups currently dead, isn't it? We're not allowed crowds anymore. And I find the idea. I know people are trying it, and I'm supportive of it, and I hope we can find a solution. But the idea of me doing fucking stand up into my laptop in my kitchen while twenty screens stare back at me and there's a time delay and I go locked at

It's weird? Locked at it? What lockdowns like? It's like being it's not being a housecat in it? And then silence? Can you hear? Is this connected? Right? Sorry? Did you? I don't want to do it? No? How do you feel about that? Listen? I'm yet. I've watched a few examples of it, of it happening, and I know that there are comedy clubs that are trying to find a way of monetizing it so they can keep going. And

I really do hope that works. And I'm saying that as a preface of the fact that it looks absolutely horrendous as far as I can tell, and so the idea of doing it, I just I think that if if this was to become our permanent way of living, then I'm going to kiss stand Up goodbye, because I cannot. It just can't happen. It cannot, It doesn't. It's sort

of it's like something really surreal about it. Without an audience, without a live audience in the room, it suddenly feels it feels like a conspiracy theorist in a bunker making a video about The only way I can see me contuning to stand up is if we get to a point, I just have to wait for them to make human size Johnnies that you can just put over your size so that crowds can once again come out and enjoy standard And I would I would rather wait for that

to be invented than try and do stand up over zoom. That is my that's my personal film. I am with you. I would rather wear a giant condom on stage to an audience of giant condom correct. Yeah, that's that. Didn't do it? From my kitchen into scape. Having said that, you know, let's not pretend luck to everyone doing it and listen, I'm saying that I really hope it. I hope it work. No, I hope there's a solution, and if it does work, I'll be one of the first

people to jump on that band. While I'm going to say that I never had any doubts, but currently doesn't look hopeful, does it. No. I think that's why I've segued into sketch comedy. Sketch comedy is great in it and I've always said I've always been banging on about a sketch comedy, haven't I. You know me, sketch comedy. He's so passionate about it. He's been an ardent, ardent defender of it for many, many years. Now, sketch comedy

to be buried him. He's got that fingers. He's absolutely obsessed. Now, Oh romes, fuck, what, oh shit? What I forgot to tell you something? Nuts. I forgot to tell you. I should have told you. Probably you didn't even told you before we started recording. What a donut? Oh, I hate myself. Well I just have to I was going have to say it. I guess fuck, Well you you've died. You've died. Sorry, Okay,

well how did you die? It was on my own in a part and I just fell down this sort of steep kind of thing and broke my broke my neck. Basically what happened was the kids. The kids were playing in the play part. Yeah, and it just became too fucking frustrating, and I said, I'm taking a break, lease up, can you just watch him for a bit. And I'm so furious. As I walked off, I just I stumbled and fell into this into like a like a narrow gap.

And I think the way that I died is people will will happen upon my body and say, actually, if he'd displayed any kind of inclination or effort, he could have got out of this quite easily. But you know when they say that guy survived through sheer force of will and he overcame, people would find my body and go he could have got out of this. So easily. It's it's such a shame that he didn't even have the least amount of willing to try and get himself

out of this predicament. Yeah. If anything, he probably died of starvation because in there so long he was. I don't think he was stuck off. He would have been freed. Wow. I love that death. It's one of my favorite Do you worry about death? No, I don't particularly worry about it. I flirt with the idea of it, you know a lot in my head. I used to be such a

narcissistic child. I used to like, if I don't know, if my mum really told me off, I would fantasize about dying and then about how they talk about me when I was gone. Me like he was such a nasy boy, or all he wanted to do was make people happy. You know, that's sort of that's sort of really egotistical. It's pretty dark really, it's a real narcissistic trait. But I do think since having children, I've become more

frightened of it because I not for me. I just think to myself, I haven't given them enough good memories of who I am as a human for them to eulogize about me positively. At this stage, I'm still about how the funeral is going to play. I'm sort of talking about I'm really great, You've really grown up, you really progress I was talking. So I've left that narcissism behind. I've left that ego behind. I'm completely freed of it. What I am going to be doing today is writing

the eulogies that I want them to say. I'm going to put that with my will. Just gonna be a little folder of stuff I want them to talk about. It's scripted reality for the funeral. So you could just say these words, Lisa, if you could cry in the middle, it's great. No, but I don't. I don't mean it as trivial as that. What I mean is I want my kids to remember me fondly, you know, to think of me as a good dad. And I don't. I

don't know if I've got enough in the locker. If you think about our eldest son is ten, so he's got a lot of life to live. Have I instilled in him enough of a respect and a love for me that he might talk about his talk about me to his kids currently? If I die today, I don't I don't know if I'll even be mentioned, So yeah,

I've got to step it up of it. You know what, you think maybe his kids will be about eighteen and they'll go, Dad, you never you never talk about your dad, And he'll go, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, he'll go about him. Oh you mean that guy whose biggest contribution to my life's calling me a prick on stage? Yeah? Oh yeah, he's a He was a great fucking guy, that guy that fell down quite a small dix and couldn't be

bothered to crawl out of it. How long I was on this wing, the longest day at the play park ever, that prick gave me. Oh yeah, what do they think of you calling the pricks on stage? Do they know I haven't been a problem, They're aware of it. Yeah. The thing is is that by the time they see it, I mean when they've watched it. So for example, I actually talk about this in the latest Tor show about

how I feel like I probably went too far. But in the in the last show they watched it two three years after it after it was like I told it, and so to them, I'm talking about a different person because it's them from three years ago. Like they can laugh at who they were three years ago. Means so it's like if somebody tells a story about how you wet yourself when you were nine, theoretically you could still unless you've got unless it's an ongoing problem, unless you's

still doing it. Okay, do you think there's an after life? No, it's something I have struggled with and still continued to struggle if and being honest with you, my mum and dads were quite religious. My mum's still is quite My dad was quite religious, and they used to take us They're both Hindus, but it used to take us to

temple all the time. And I had a spirituality instilled in me throughout my upbringing, and so I always have had some sort of belief, I guess, but there's so many things that have kind of gone against that, and I've struggled with that. When my dad died, I remember, you know, I've been being brought up as a Hindu but not really connecting with it fully. I remember seeing my dad's funeral and just thinking, I don't understand what

the fox's going on here. I mean, there's one point where we had to we had to we had to where to give my dad's stuff that would help him on his journey. And the priest that came to our house told us what those things were, and so it was really strange things. So for example, some sandals for the walk, right, that feels fairly normal. An umbrella right if it rains, yeah, on the way, a small bag to carry stuff. I thought, is this, I said to my mom? Is this priest just by any chance? Is

this priest going on holiday anywhere anytime soon? Or is he planning a trip? Just No, I'm not asking for any particular reason. I'm just it's just the tree tooth bress. Yeah. Yeah, a little wheely bag, a little wheely luggage, but just the right side so we can go in because for the journey, Yeah, to the journey, because often you have to have a small bag in God's plane. Interesting. Yeah, well and so that made you think, well, I know. But the other thing is is that I really hope

there is, because I don't know. The idea that my dad died and just vanished, I find that a lot less reassuring than the idea that he might still be aware of what's going on, you know, and he still might be watching over us. And stuff like that. You know, that's obviously a lovely thing to think and a much nicer thing to think than he's just you know, just vanished. But yeah, so I don't, you know, it's it's something I kind of internally debate and again, at least he

is very is very sure about it. You're gone, You're fucking when you're gone, You're gone. But then but then every now and again she contradicts that by going and maybe that was your dad and a gold on it. You don't believe any of that ship what you're talking about came back time. He was on a jetliner to heaven. Well, I got good news. Roll, miss, there is a heaven.

So Lisa was wrong. Okay, good In this heaven, they're obsessed with films, weirdly and sketch comedy, and all they want to do is know about your life through film. And the first thing they ask you is what is the first film you remember seeing? Well, there's two answers to this question. The first film was the care Bears movie. Mate. Of course I know this film, so I, my brother

and I were obsessed with the care Bears. It was an insane premise, These bears that live in I can't even remember what the name of the cloud cloud Land, clouds. It might be Cloudland. What did you say it? What was the second one? He said, cload City. But then I think that's in Star Wars they're living Cloudland and they live in cloud Land. Yeah, and then when something bad happens, they do this care bear stare, and then they shook their bellies out and this sort of colors

will shoot out. They just sort of jeers love the jeers are heart straight out of there, straight out care bestre and then like this, colors and lights shoot out of their bellies and my brother and I fucking love that. Man. Yeah, I remember, I remember being I remember it was my sort of earliest recollection of Asian parent knuckoffs because my brother and I wanted a care Bear and instead and my mum bought us this is just as good as care Bear. And it was just this, like shit, just

hideous looking bear didn't have anything on its belly. It just had fur that came off when he breathed too hard on its Yeah. Yeah, some market stall over had actually wanked into it before putting it on. Putting it on for some that's that's special. Care Bear that's Crusty's crusty bit of that is now he's one of the limited edition ones. I love that film. Yeah, but that was that on tv R at the cinema. No I

went to the cinema. It was a cinema that got closed down, became bar Mead for a while and is now Turtle Bay Bay College, Jamaican. It's like the ub forty of Jamaican restaurants. There is no authentic there's nothing authentically Caribbean about it. But but I do also remember the reason I sort of said there's two answers to this is that the first film I remember having a

visceral reaction to was one of my dad's. My mum and dad used to a big group of Shri Lankan friends, all the Shrilankan, big Shrilankan community and crawling in London, and they all used to meet up all the time. My memories as a child were constantly socializing with other Sri Lankan, British Shrilankan kids and stuff like that as constant. Right, and my dad's mate brought to our house a hirate

copy of Terminator. Right, and I hadn't even heard of this film and he said, oh, this is like the new film that everyone's going to be going on about it. We should watch this. And my mum and dad. I don't know what your folks were like, but my mum and dad just ratings. They had no concept of what ratings or anything like that. Just didn't mean anything to them, so they let us watch it. We all sat up

and stayed up and watched it. And I remember I had to have the next two days off school because I was so fucking terrified of the world as a result of watching that, Like it fucked with my head. So you know, those those flashes to the future, I remember, just fun. Oh my god, it was some of the most brutal imagery. I said, that brutal, most brutal imagery I'd ever seen in my life. I was fucking like what eight I mean, yeah, it was that in the

care being exactly. It was a bit when one of the care bears looked a bit sad for forty five seconds during the second act. I mean, that was that was what I had it to to that point, was to make brut with brutality, and then he's saw an entire apocalypse. I don't know what the fuck my parents were thinking. But you know, you know, the the clote that end when he just keeps coming. I just remember, I just I'd never seen anything like it. Obviously I've never seen anything like it, but it was I just

remember all of that. You know, you're often the things that you see for the first time like that and the things that stay with you forever. And just that experience of watching a film, I think, you know, I

was so scared. I was terrified. It affected me, like fucking my head for a next couple of I'm not saying I want that every time I watch a film, but obviously the more you watch films, the less films have that kind of impact on you, because you've seen tropes and stuff like that and you become But that as a film watching experience was in terms of an actual bodily reaction, was one of the strongest I've ever had. Man, even to this day, it was crazy. That's amazing. Care

Bears Into the Terminator is a brilliant double bill. Yeah, and in that order as well, I think, Yeah, and also to have a child that you know, is of the sort of sensibilities that they enjoy the Careban movie. To think that even on a taste level, never mind the ratings, to think that that that vent diagram might overlap in that way? Do you like your mom and dad? Like like a really bad Amazon delivery? Like, oh, if you enjoyed care Bears, you might also enjoy the Terminator.

It's got stuff coming out of people's stomachs, but it's when they've been stamped on by two eight hundreds sweet dreams. So what is the film that made you cry? The master? You a cryer? It depends on the I've gone through crying phases in my life where I've like, just suddenly anything can sort of set me off, do you know what I mean? But there's there's two equal contenders for this accolade. Do I cry a lot? It just depends

on what I've been going through at that period. So for example, there's some films I can't think of what they might be, but there's some films at least has gone to me. This is really going to get to you, and I've watched it like a fucking cold hearted psychopath. But then on another occasion in your head, still planning in your funeral, Yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, they'll

talk about this, they'll talk about this. He was so he was so focused that he didn't even didn't even cry when I showed him whatever the hell the film was. But then I watched, like, h you know, I know that's to go to one, but I found I think I cried seven or eight times during that film, But that's still not a film I cried out the most.

And there's two contenders. If you're talking about just immediate descent into floods of tears, just apropa of nothing, just fucking completely, it would have to be and this must be the same for a lot of people. Men in Black three? Now, what what happened with Very Black three? Right? Yeah? Yeah, okay, but that's Brett. That's the thing. Right. So my dad had died maybe the year before that film came out, right, and and I had so my dad died of it.

Getting into way too much detail like this, but anyone, my dad died of a heart attack at his house, right. My brother phoned me up and he said, I've just found Dad. You need to come home straight away. I was at a gig. I came home, came to find Dad, right, and I cried then right in such a way that the next day my brother said to me, I know that it's sad that dad died, but that noise you made yesterday was absolutely insane. But then, but then, since then,

since said after that, I hadn't really cried that much. Right, So then I was doing a weekend at Birmingham Glee and on the Saturday morning, I thought to myself, I didn't really know any of the other comics on the bill, so I thought I wasn't hanging out with them, so it's essentially having a weekend on mine. I thought was let me just go to the cinema and Men in

Black three was on. So I went to watch the Men in Black three, thinking to myself, this is definitely going to be better than Men in Black two, because better than Men in Black two is also any kind of STI because Men in Black two was an absolute fucking travestyo, Right, But so I'll go in to sit to watch Them in Black three. There's families there because

it's a family film. I'm there with a large popcorn, just on my own, right, And I would say, at this time, I had just started getting used to going to the cinema on my own, because now going to the cinema on own. It's just something I don't even think about, but I only you know, when you start as a comic, I think like you start doing that more and more and more. But the first few that was in the stage when I was thinking, I'm not sure about this, I felt like people were looking at

me and shit like that. So anyway, you know that when he finds out at the end of Men in Black three, there's there's his dad's storyline and they you find out why K and J ended up, you know, why he ended up taking him under his wing or whatever. Anyway, I watched that, and you know, there's a combination of anger as well, because I thought what they did with

that time travel story, and I was fucking insane. They you cannot you know, time travel is difficult when you're really trying to be careful, and they just was so careless with the consistency of it. It was so absolutely ridiculous. But there was a lot, you know, there's a lot of good stuff in that film. Anyway, The point is when the dad thing happened, I just fucking absolutely collapsed into my popcorn, just started sobbing my fucking eyes out.

And I imagine that if you were to ever have on your podcast any of the other people that were in that cinema and you were said, and you were to ask them, what is one of the most horror of fine things you've ever experienced the cinema? I imagine it would be when I took my kids to watch the family film Men in Black three and a man sat on his eye started sobbing loudly in the corner of the theater, and noise I've never heard before. Your

brother comes running again. That's the fucking what's wrong? Is he an animal? Wow? That's I mean, that's a heck of an answer. We've never had Men in Black Free? No, I get it. Yeah, if you want the regular art, you know, not the regular answer. But the thing that did sort of it was Lion, if I'm being honest with you, But you know, Lion, We've had Lion, We've had Learning Black Free is beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. The final part of that film is people must have said this

for turgid the not come out? What what what? You have a magical section where this this boy gives a heartrending performance being lost in India, terrifying, totally related to it. Right. I watched it while I was I was drunk on a plane, so that sort of adds to the emotional it, right, And then they decide, what what can we do to fit to take this film to its closing. Let's just have death hotel on Google Earth for an hour. That's

essentially what the last section of that film is. It's just him repeatedly looking at Google Earth trying to remember the village. Fuck off. I think that's what. That's why the tears continue, is what This is how this film is going to end after that. That's such a magical first section. This is how they're going to finish it. The whole films at Google Earth. I've been duped. I had a corporate whole just sobbing awful. What is the film that scared you the most? Haven't than the Terminator? Okay,

this is a really shit answer. Is a film I have a recollection of being scared by the most? I actually embarrassed to say was scream. But now, now, now hold on, I know you're going to judge me. Just bear with me. Just bear with me one second. Year with me, Just bear with me one second. Okay, I'm talking about having a physical reaction. Okay, all right, now a lot of people forget this. A lot of people think that because there were so many copycat films to this, right,

that actually it's a terrible film. But in terms of jump scares, all right, that film. Going to the cinema to watch it with the girl I was seeing at the time, who turned out she didn't love me as much as I thought that when I went to watch that film, jumping because it has scared you, wearing the scream. I can't imagine that helped, I'll tell you that much. I cannot imagine it aroused her. But anyway, listen, the

point is, I remember thinking, fucking hell. That is, I've never had an experience like that where I've jumped and been shot and scared so much by a film. Now, of course, i've watched since then, I've watched other scary films, and I've realized that actually what I was then was a cunt. I understand that, but that's only because that's only because my experiences of that type of thing was

so limited, you know what I mean. And so i've since, you know, I've realized that there's a different there's a different, more nuanced quality of horror. Blah blah blah, I mean, and yeah, yeah, the Babbadick's good and all that fucking shit, do you know. I mean, I understand all of that now, but I didn't know that then. I mean, then I'll just oh, Jesus Christ, and then why don't you love me? Now? How can we know have sex as much anymore? Jesus? What do you mean that? I'm not? Man, I went

through a phase. I went through a phase of watching those films a lot, and then obviously see what happens is is like like your favorite fast food place. He starts to realize that actually it's very it's very unsatisfying and absence of any kind of real nourishment. So I

get all of that. I mean, I would say the most flattening experience I had in a cinema, though, was Lisa was heavily pregnant with THEO, our eldest, and so she had not yet gone through childbirth, and I made the mistake of taking her to a distracting viewing to take her mind off the factor she's fed up being pregnant.

I took her to watch The Orphan. Now. I don't know if you remember the opening sequence of The Orphan, but it is where a woman is quite literally split into giving birth to her baby and dying in the process. It was I cannot tell you that you want a horror films. That's a horror experience right there. That was horrendous. The rest of the film I was nonplus by, but that was a visceral experience. You took a heavily, heavily pregnant woman to see a film called Orphan, correct, But

I didn't know that. I didn't know it's an origin story. I thought we were going to join the Orphan later on, I mean to see what was going on. They fucking showed everything. It's not my fault. If the film had been called childbirth Slaughter, then yes, I'll accept some blame for it not being appropriate to take a pregnant wife too, But fuck, it's called the Orphan anyway. Okay. The Orphan, by the way, is that they weren't with one of the greatest twists of all time where they adopt a girl.

Spoiler alert, it's an old woman, an old psychopathic woman attended to me a six year old. So no, come on, mate, come on. It's like I like them thinking about it. I like them going, how are we going to end it, she's a grown adult serial killer. Okay, I think ready, but we're calling this child best laughter Nah now, because because the problem is you'll you'll put you'll put off expectant couples if you call it that. Let's let's we need their money as well, we need them coming along.

Do you know what? It's an attractive title for people about to give birth offense and call it offend it. Do you know what? Do you know the problem with that twist is it actually makes the film less disturbing because a kid doing that is terrifying. A kid doing all that shit is horrific, and you s think, fucking hell, what's had to happen to that child to make her behave like that? And then I actually she's an adult and you go, okay, well I can totally buy an

adult doing that. I mean, that's just you've actually made it less. Makes you've made it less, You've made it makes sense. Yeah, you've given it some psychological depth, So I'm out. Yeah, but a kid, actually, a kid's being on that fucking out that's scary that that's horror ship. What is the film that people don't like? Critically? It's not acclaimed, but you're like, you're all idiots. I love this film unconditionally. I think it's probably the Golden Child.

What it's a fantastic answer. I watched that film when I was absolutely head over hills in love with Eddie Murphy, like absolutely I when My Name Is Dolomite came out. I was so fucking happy at how good that film was. Because I love that film. Yeah, because Eddie Murphy to me, is so increase. He's one of the most naturally charismatic and funny comedian act I loved him as a kid, like obsessed with him. Watched Everything Right, you know, Beverly Hills Cop, Beverly Hills Cop. I love you know, all

of those films. I don't need to name it him. I'm not fucking id id I am well you know what I mean. I'm listening as films. That's the point I'm trying to make, right, go on, I'm not I'm not I'm not ideal whatever. Yeah, Jesus Christ, that's happening to me. More on Lockdown. By the way, I'm starting sentences that I've got no idea where I'm going with. I actually googled it the other day as a potential sinom a corona because I was doing it so much

that I thought it must be it must be a condition. Anyway, it's a Golden Child. Eddie Murphy has to for some for reasons that are sort of beyond explanation of us, the scriptwriters or anybody. It's not really made completely clear, has to look after this child who is going to essentially save the world. I think, or is some sort of And it's just everybody I've spoken to thinks it's shits.

Every everybody. I don't think it was. I don't know how well it was reviewed, but every time I mention it as one of the films that I'll go, oh, Eddie Murphy was used to be so good, mad didn't there? And they go yeah, yeah, And I go, like Beverly Hill's Carbon Trading Blazes and they go Golden ChIL to go what what Sorry? And it sounded like you said sorry mate. I don't know if I miss it sounded

like he said Golden Child. Because people just hate that movie because it's got some weird It's got some First of all, the special effects, I think, even for that time, were dreadful. The context of it doesn't it doesn't matter how charismatic Eddie Murphy is, that context is not suitable for him. You know, on paper, the idea that somebody said Edie Eddie Murphy is great, isn't it. Why do we put him in some sort of Eastern adventure or he has a protector child from a demon. Now that

sounds like that sounds like absolute text. But what you do with any Murphy that is that is a crystal clear next step what you do with Eddie Murphy. But it's got loads of funny lines in it. There's a bit where he has to I don't know if you don't know how well do you know the film? Well? I think I haven't seen it since since back in the day, but I think it's like it was also meant to be a bit like Indiana Janes in the

Temple of Doing. Like there's there's certainly like a platform game bit where yes, that's the bit that yes, he has to retrieve I think has to retrieve knife without spilling. I might have got this wrong, so apologies any huge Golden Child fans that listen to podcast. So there's he's got to make it across these platforms without spilling any of this water, right, and if he makes it there he can retrieve the knife or something other. And then

there's a bit is what it goes. One of the things that they say to him is only a man whose heart is pure can wield the knife. And then he's walking down the stairs and he goes, only a man who's hard as pure can wield the knife, and only a man whose ass is narrow can get down in the steps. And if man is such an ass, then as you have it, and just to wait. It's such a terrible land on paper. It fucking made me lose my mind. It's the funniest thing I've ever heard.

And then there's a bit where they had to there's a bit where there's this column and had this rotating bit on it, and they were talking to this this priest and you have to spin the thing and as it's spinning, you talk to it. We have come to retrieve the Ashanti knife. Please could you tell us how to get it? And then Eddie Hury walks up to he goes, I wipe the knife please, Oh my god, so fucking funny. But everything, there's so much there's so much shit about that film, but I loved it. Fucking

still love it? Man, what film? What is a film that you used to love? You used to love this film, but then you've what's to recently and you've gone, oh boy, I do not feel the same way about this. Deep Blue Se said, no, I'm sorry that they happened to you, so, Deep Blue See. I love sharp films, right, I absolutely adore them, as do most people. Is that right? Am I right in saying that most people love sharp films

and then they're popular, they're popular genre the sharp film. Yeah, And obviously I've I've long wanted a film to sort of compensate for the utter trash that was Jews now Objec, but I wouldn't going to watch I remember going to watch Deep Blue Sea, and I thought to me, at at that stage in my life, it had the hookiest premise ever for me, which was that these sharks they're night normal sharks, which are terrifying, but they're fucking mutated,

so they're even more dangerous than regular sharks. Yes, please, absolutely right. And the reason I went to watch that film, I'm I'm not lying. I went to watch that film three times at the cinema when it came out because I loved it so much. There's a lot of cool stuff in it. There's the bit where the shark has the guy in the stretcher and it flings it towards that they've got that viewing glass where they're looking. It's called a windows and it's not a viewing glass. They've

got a huge window, that reinforced glass. And then the shark throws the stretcher against the window and then the little crack forms and then it starts, Oh my god, what a moment. Right LLL cool J is a chef in it. Yes, please, right, he's got a party. One of the best death scenes in the history of cinema. Yes,

please right, agree, agree, yes. Also, what made it better for me was it had the shittiest reason for mutating those shots that you could ever possibly imagine, which was, do you remember to cure Altzheimer's it come wuck on wharts? It's the friend of people, he wrote often. I wonder if that was a test. It's one of those egotistical things where they've said, listen this, do you know how much how good I think this this film is going

to be. You could literally give him, You could give these fucking morons any reason for breeding these shots they don't care. Make it to help to cure outshimers something. They'll lack it up. These fucking they'll go to the cinema more than once to watch it. These people are so fucking stupid. So anyway, I loved everything about it at the time, and then recently I went to the cinema.

More recently, I went to the cinema to watch the Imax presentation of The Meg which has which I was a lot too Deep Blue Sea in terms of the underwater sea base and all that kind of stuff. And I thought, to myself, this film is obviously dreadful, but as a visual spectacle, I get it. And then I thought, and then I started talking to the people I went to watch with about how this wasn't I tell you what this isn't. This isn't bloody deep Blue Sea. Now,

that's a great shark movie. And they went I was shut up. And then I decided to go back to watch Deep Blue Sea so that I could meet them again if they agree to it, to tell them about how good Deep Blue Sea was. And I just did not. I found it. The experience devoid of any enjoyment at all. It just lost I don't know, I don't know why because in your picture of the film you totally sort

of yeah, exactly call J's wandering around. Also, Emerald Fanelle, who was on this show, she pointed out that one of the greatest scenes of all time is it Shark working out had to ten on an Ovin. So you know, I'll take the answer, but I don't think you are. I really believed that it's not a brilliant I'll tell

you what I do think. I do think that LLL cool J, when he decided to write the song for that film must have had a lot else on at that time, because the chorus deepest bluest, my hat is like a sharks fin could not be more on the fucking nose. I mean, I mean, what are you doing? Can you introde? We wanted to do a song about this shark movie and he's literally done, Oh I look like a shark. I'm going through the water. My hat's like a sharks fin. Just Jesus fucking Christ. I can't

believe they okayed it. I can't believe note didn't go back to a Locoljo going I just a quick one, el. It's a really catchy song. It just it feels. Have you thought about going like maybe five percent less literal on this on your interpretation of it? Yeah, ye ship, Oh what is the film that means the most to you? Not necessarily the film itself is any good, but because of the experience you had around seeing the film, that

means you will always remember it. Finally, so my choice for this at apologies if it's come up before, is Hot, which is the film where Russell Brand Easter Bunny. Russell Brand voices the Easter Bunny. Well, he doesn't voice the Easter Bunny. He voices the Easter Bunny elect because he's not. At the beginning of the film, he's not the Easter Bunny. He is an aspirant rock star and his dad wants him to be the Easter Bunny and he doesn't want to, and so he runs away and it's all about him

sort of. It's an identity comes up, hope comes up as much as Men in Black three going. So, So anyway, my kids were obsessed with this film, right and we had it on a lot. And the reason that that it's Hot is because basically at that time I had been doing stand up comedy for a bit. We work completely and utterly broke as a direct result of me

going into stand up comedy. We didn't have any money until Jesus, didn't have any money antil just before maybe maybe like the month before, we'd had our we'd had our car taken away because I hadn't paid the road tax on it. And I remember, I remember Lisa was it was a really dark anyway, I'm trying to set up the point is that I'm trying to point out to you that I was in a dark place, right. I was gonna it was really fucking I couldn't see

how this is going to get any better. I was just like, I'm going to have to quit comedy, and this is like and You've taking your family into this situation because of your vanity and blah blah. You know, all of these horrible things were going through my head. Right, And then there's a bit where Hop is that his name in it? Is his name? Hop? I can't remember Anyway, There's there's a point in that film where he's absolutely

rock bottom, right, It's absolutely rock bottom. And I was sitting there just like really just like utterly fucked fucked off with life, just completely like and there's a bit where he goes, you know what, maybe this is the rags part of my rags to riches story. And I'm not exaggerating. That was like almost like it's the context of it. Obviously. It was almost like a fucking life changing moment, like I suddenly got instilled with this. I know this sounds about it sounds insane, but I'm just

telling exactly how it happened. It's suddenly I suddenly thought, Yeah, that's what this is. This is the bit that I will tell people about when I've got out of this situation and I'm starting to do you know what I mean, I really I really felt like I needed to have that that moment at that time, like it felt perfect. And yeah, it was just the moment that gave me the belief to sort of go, oh, I there's a chart. I'm going to make it out of this. I will

make it out of this somehow. And I didn't know, by the way, whether that was going to be comedy. That wasn't me thinking I'm going to make it as a comedian. It was me thinking I might go back into teaching, or I might find some other path. It wasn't the thing that I said. It didn't give me the belief that I was going to become a comedian. It gave me the belief that I was going to we were going to get out of this. This wasn't permanent,

this situation yet me, it was weird. It was like, that's amazing, Russell Brandon, Zister, Banny elect changed your life. I take that very seriously what you said, because the most profound thing I've seen at the cinema this year, and I'm not joking, is Bad Boys three. Have you seen Bad Boys three? No, I'll tell you why I haven't seen it. It's because I love Bad Boys so much and I liked Bad Boys too, and that was really concerned that my spirit couldn't take Bad Boys three

being awful. That's basically the reason it's great You're safe. I felt the same way. I was very worried about it.

But in Bad Boys three, which you know is kind of silly and has jokes and silly action, and it's all very over the top and you know, lots of weird shots and stuff, and it's all very glamorous and silly and stupid, and then bang in the middle of it, completely out of nowhere, Joe PANTOLIONI tells Will Smith a fucking little parable from the Tibetan Book of the Dead or something that pops up in the middle of this black film that I have thought about every single day,

and I'm working on myself. Because he says to will Smith, he goes literally at an We're in the middle of this mad film, bombs going off, shootings everything. He says to him, there's a story. There's a I think it's Buddhist, doesn't matter, he says, there's there's a desert pathway and there's a man walking on his own along this pathway, and in the distance he sees a man on a horse,

and the horse is galloping straight towards him. But there's all this space, and he thinks the man on the horse is gonna get out the way, but the man on the horse is just galloping straight at him, and eventually the man walking has to dive out of the way. The man and the horse goes straight past, and he calls after him, and he says, where the fuck are you going, And the man and the horse goes, I don't know, ask my horse, and he says, we're all

just being ridden by a horse. Our horses, our emotion, our past, new roses, all the things we have to be in control of so that you decide, You decide where you're going. Not the fucking horse. He goes. He goes to Will Smith, he goes, where are you going? Man? Holy shit, bad boys free? That is that is Will Smith asked for that to be put in rames. Where are you going? Man? I mean, that is it's proper in it. Have you have you watched any of Will

Smith's kind of philosophy and stuff like that. I've seen a bit of it. I'm all for it. You know, he's obsessed, you know, you know, he's obsessed with the Alchemist and stuff like that and telling the universe that you want something to happen. And then you know, like if you can watch these YouTube things of where little bits of each interview that he's done cut together to turn him into some sort of fucking Tony Robbins, I mean in terms of like he properly believes all that shit.

I mean, he'd be like you might go, Lone Island. I want this to be I want this to be a movie franchise. Right now, I've said it now, I said it now. The universe just has to catch up. That's that's what he that's what he believes. I mean, I said it, now, you just got to get there. You've just got to get there. That's that's how he sees it. That he loves all that shit. So let's so that that is exactly something that Will Smith would go, Look, okay,

that's all cool. And I like that Mike Lawrence sort of bulgy eyes, being hilarious and all that. But we must have can we please make sure that we have the horsepit in there? That's amazing And he's right too, because it has stayed with me ever since. Yeah, and I fee also because it sneaks in the middle of like I think that might be a metaphor for him agreeing to do Bad Boys three. You know this horse is just Bad Boys? This fucking coming? To do I have to do this? Do I have to do? This

is coming? He's like, Bunny, I need this fucking how do I have to do? Where are you going? Now? Fuck? I guess I'm doing Bad Boys three? Rumes? Oh, what is the what is the film you most relate to? Or is it hot? Oh? I've got that's a hard one. But and I've got really shit answer for this, Just so you know, by the way, I just want to clarify at this point, my I know that I've asked to be on this podcast from you many times, and that might have been many impressions that I consider myself

to be a film connoisseur. I just want to give you some sort of context. Do you know DJ Yoda? So DJ Yoda got in touch me a while ago and he said to me, I'm doing this film festival thing where I'm getting people to curate some of their films and introduced him and talk about them, and he goes, what would be your films? And he just sort of gave me some categories and I told him and I basically got myself removed from the festival with my choice of movies. But we're not playing hop At, We're not

having hop care Bears and Men in Black. What's the film? He relates? It's American Pie, you know, Jim. Yeah, that's why I am Jim. I mean, I don't relate to many things ever, but I everything about that guy in the first film is me man, and I'm not talking about I know that sounds like an obvious thing to do,

like frustrated virgin. But I'm talking about the guy that sort of needy in conversations, the guy that I actually sometimes think of myself as I basically when when when I was about I guess between the years of twelve and seventeen, my family life got turned upside down. My dad went to prison, house got repossessed, we ended up living in council, like a councilor state and all this ship right, so very very quick period of time, it

all got turned upside down. And sometimes I think to myself, would I have been like how I am now had we not gone through all of that stuff. And I'm not saying it's the worst thing that anyone's gone through, but it was formative, right, And sometimes I think back to how I was as a kid, and I think, no, actually, your core, you were a horrendous child and actually sort of needy and pathetic and sort of you know, people talk about code switching. I used to code switch left

right center. I remember just so desperate for friends. I remember pretending I was into the Smiths just because I wanted this new group of people to like me. And then like he lent me the guy, one of the guys lent me the Smith's album and I didn't even listen to because I've got no interest in listening to the fucking Smith's right, No disrespect if you liked them,

but just not for me. Right. And I gave him back the tape and he goes, oh, it's weird, it's in exactly the same position on the thing that I gave it to you. I don't know why he was fucking purrowing how whether I listened to the album or not, but anyway, Yeah, So the point I'm trying to make is that kind of that kind of and also the girl's thing as well. I mean, I know I'm talking to somebody who's who's the force is very strong in you.

But I my ability to engage with women, to encourage them to respond to me, to see me as anything other than a distasteful ornament in their lives, I just have got nothing, absolutely nothing. I mean, so that kind of that kind of thing where you you pretend, that neediness, where you try and be everything that you that you think that girl wants you to be. I grew up doing that, man, that fucking needy little too. Oh I

can do that. I can be like that. I can I can be like that if you want me to, if that if that's if that's what you if that's what you're like, Yeah, yeah, no, sure, sure yeah sure. What what you don't want to you don't want to hang out anymore? Okay, you know that kind of ship that I relate to hunt Smiths, Smiths? What did you pay?

I guess is what I have to ask. No. But one of my first routines as a stand up that used to be my go to tem was this story, obviously made up story about how shore Lankin's always work at twenty fire petrol stations. I think I might have got rid of this before you and I started getting together. It was very very early open spot days. But I used the joke would go, and I'm not saying this is a good joke, by the way, I'm just telling you this was a joke. So I go to stand up.

Yeah yeah, yeah, So guys, what do you do? So the bit was I go to twenty four petrol station and I'm looking for a copy of Asian I want to get a copy of Asian Babes because I'm so lonely or whatever. And so I turned up at the twenty four petrol station and my uncle Raj is behind the counter. Right, so obviously I can't buy a copy of Asian Babes. Then I've got to pretend I'm there for something innocent like a cheese and onion pasty and

then do something with that. Right. That was that was a joke, right so, and I think, very good, thanks and I mean it wasn't but thank you. But I think that joke wouldn't have existed work not for American Pie. I think American Pie left its imprint on me so much that I thought would be acceptable to make a joke about using apacity as a wank sleeve. That is, that is essentially what I think that film did to me. Man, these films are really really Danu and number what is

objectively the greatest film of all time? Can I tell you something? So you know, I do this hip hop podcast and I always say, yeah, thank you. I always say to them what's your favorite hip hop on more time? And they always say to me, this is a really difficult question. I just think, I just fucking answer the question. You fucking answer, And now you've now you asked me the question, and I realize that I have been a prick on to my guests on every single episode of

Hip Hopsode of My Life. Yeah, for the record, I wouldn't do my own podcast because you couldn't answer that question. Yeah. I mean that, I'm not asking ridiculous questions. How they Who do you think you are the greatest film of all time? Ah? I would say, oh God. But basically the reason I'm telling you this because I told Nick Helnis and he shouted at me. It's a turn of sunshine of the spotless mind. You can absolutely have that. I listen. I'm just I'm just delighted you haven't said

the Godfami. Everyone always says the Godfami, and it annoys me because it's not the Godfather. It's definitely not the Godfamier. But everyone keeps his head it is. I love that film. I fell in love with Kate Winslet in that film, and I feel like she undid all of the terrible works she didn't Titanic. No, I'm jacking, I really am to me. That film made me fall in love with the idea of being in love like more than any

other thing I've ever watched. The whole when he's chasing the memories and trying to hold onto them, I just found it. Oh god, I love it. I love it so so much. It's just and then every time I watched that film, I go over to Lisa and I kiss her on the forehead because reminds me of how much a lover and she says to me, why are you being weird? It's it's it's so nice. So yeah,

I just fucking love that film. It's just a great it's a great film, but it's a really great film, and it's and I also think the thing I love about that film is I think it's, aside from it's clever and interesting and original, that is that the end is the thing that I think that whenever people say what's your biggest regret or anything, it doesn't matter because you have to have lived your life to learn the thing.

So they're just going to do it all over again. Yeah, I mean, it's I don't know, I just it's it's the one film that I watch. No, it's not true, it's not the one film. There's lots of films that I love this, but that film when when I watched it. You know, the thing with favorite films or films that are one of your favorites, is you remember a time watching it where you suddenly realized that this is one

of your favorite films. And I remember sitting and it just it came and I've seen it a couple of times before, and it came on the telly and I had nothing else to do it and I just stuck it on and I just I remember just thinking, this is one of the most incredible experiences I've had watching

a film. And I was just on my own in my living room at the end of a relationship that I mean that probably the context probably helped was the relationship where you went to see Scream and was made noises and put her up no that that that was That was a different third relationship Brett and umay, that was another one that I managed to push her away in.

But that so, but this was like I remember just sort of watching it and just thinking, I really want to be head over heels in love with someone because this film has made me fall in love with the idea of that. Mean, so there you go. That's deadly m thinkers across I find it. By the way, Yeah, good luck man, thanks man, keep believing. Promise Let Me in the Eye. The sexiest film you've ever seen. I don't have good answers for these. I don't know what you mean. But what do you mean by sexy film?

Because if you're talking about if you're talking about the non pornographic film that I had an erection for the for the most amount of time, it would be basic. It would be Basic Instinct. Great because there was a bit of context of this story. So I think I was I was underaged to watch this film when it came out. And a friend of mine and who's eighteen. Yes, I was a fourteen year old boy hanging out with

an eighteen year and there's nothing weird about that. And we went to the cinema together and he said to me, I'm going to try and get you into watch Basic Instinct, but try and be mature. And at that time, all we'd heard about was the you know, the infamous legs on crossing bit, right, So that's kind of that was the bit that got us, that had got us to

the door. The marketing team had done an absolutely fucking cracking job on that, right, So, um, yeah, they really did, and I remember, And so I think it was the adrenaline of trying to get into an eighteen film that added to this I was very, very excited. So then there was a lot of blood flowing anyway around the system because I was nervous about getting into the film. There's no reason to get nervous, I realized in hindsight, because all they can say is you can't come in.

You don't get arrested if you try and get into an eighteen film. There are no stressful Yeah, it was incredibly stressful, but the worst that can happen is you go on and continue to live your life as you did before. We're gonna get a record. I'm gonna get a criminal record. Yeah. So, anyway, we got in Torch bas against it. I remember my friend having a go at me because he said that I'd said a couple of immature things when we're baring popcorn. But and they

went to sit in to watch it. Fourteen year old thing to say, you're idiot. Yeah, it was no, he did say that something like that. I can't remember what I said. I can't remember what I remember him really having a go at me as if he might be arrested for being my accomplice in trying to get me into this film. Right. So, anyway, we went into the film and I just found the amount of sex in it and the nature of the sex. There's a there's a there's a lot of varieties of sex in it.

There's the sex where Sharon Stone's riding him for a long time and it's very, very essential. There's a bit where he has sex with his his wife and he just I didn't really just bends her over that seat and just absolutely fucking has at it in about a minute. Um, and then yeah, and then and then there's something that I've seen with what Sea. Yeah, I mean sorry, I should Yeah, do you know what I thought you were? Again?

I think you could at least have the decency to name it, rom It if you get to talk about the scene. Her name is Jeane Tripple. She deserves that much, rob Esh. I realized she was just a fucking sofa decoration to you, Romesh. She's actually had a long and very careers as in water World, thank you. Yeah. Anyway, I just remember being absolutely fucking blown away. But I just thought this is so hot, and I've got such

a hard on for so much of this film. I felt nervous about when we were watching the film, he was already got angry with me about the popcorn thing. I felt I felt too nervous to say to him, this has really given me an erection, because I felt like that would be another very fourteen year old thing to say, Oh you got a fourteen year old bonus. Stop it. It's almost like that's why I brought you here. Anyway, point Trump, there is a sub category of this question

traveling boners, worrying, why don'ts? What is a film you found a rousing that you weren't sure you should. You must have had this a lot of times. But it's who friend Roger Rabbit, it's the late Bob Hoskins gives me such a hard on. No, that's a guy smoking baby. It's like it's a baby, but it's so naughty. You just don't give a shit, do you, baby? You've repeatedly been told not to smoke. You ain't fucking listen because

baby doesn't care about the rules, do you? Baby? Ship that? Good? S? Oh? God? Good answer? Right? What is well? We don't like it to be negative? To do it quick? What's the what's the worst film you've ever seen? The worst film I've ever seen is a film called The Telephone staring Whoopie Goldberg. Now this. I don't know this film. Yeah, so this film was I went through a phase of really loving Whoopie Goldberg. You know, I watched The Burglar, I don't

even seen it, Jumping Jack Flash. I liked all the Yeah, I love it. And so I went through a phase of every time I went to my parents, would we'd go to the videos still every week, as I'm sure a lot of families did, and we'd all have a choice sort of, and I'd always choose. I went through

a phase of choosing Whoopie Goldberg. Right. Anyway, One of those films was The Telephone, and I was very, very excited because I'd heard nothing about The Telephone, and the whole film is Whoopie Goldberg's character in her apartments, making different phone calls and receiving phone calls. And I think, I can't remember what it was that I think she's she isn't she's an actor in it, an out of work actor or something like that. I can't remember. But anyway,

long that it is obviously an experiment. That film they thought. I imagine the inception of that film was Whoopee Godberg's incredibly charismatic. She's so charismatic. I bet you could do a film where she just sat in her apartment for the whole time and it would still be great. And I was the one twat that fell for that experiment because it's one of the worst fucking abominations and was seen. But also I don't know if it's whoopy gobers, but the whole thing was a car crash. In fact, I

say car crash. Already been grateful for some sort of car crash in it, something to take you out of the apartment, just for even thirty seconds. It was dreadful, sorry in it. No, I think the story there is a story, there's no there's a I think there's a story about her trying to get a job or whatever, so that she's getting different phone calls throughout the evening, and I think she's talking down the barrel of the camera.

My dad. I remember my dad being furious with me for for renting out this film because obviously I was watching it with the whole family, and he just found it astounding because obviously he didn't realize. He thought that when somebody chooses a film, they've watched that film and had some part in the making of that film. That was my dad's Stitu. Yeah it was. I made all the creative choices in that film, so so obviously I'm the right person to be annoyed with about the fact

this is an abomination. That's interesting to me because genuinely, that's how I feel when I showed people films like the reason I preferred one of the reasons I prefer going singing around my own is that I feel like, if I take someone and they don't like it, it's my fault for having made the film, even though it's so bad. I feel and I feel like that about films.

I feel that like that when I take anybody to try anything vegan, that the pressure that you have, Yeah, it's just horrible, Yeah, because you're like, yeah, with the vegan stuff, it's like you've got one shot at this. Yeah, yeah, even if this is a good meal. Yeah, I even feel change something. I even feel the pressure when I'm the only person eating something vegan and everybody else is hitting meat and then they go to me, what's that like?

And I get nervous because it's nice, But then I get nervous that they're going to try it and then go so that's what you think's nice? So had I not tried that, I would have thought that was a nice thing, But now I've tried it, it tastes like shit, and you think that's nice. I just know you even treat being vegan like borrowing the Smiths. Yeah, man, what is the film you cannot have? What's the most over

and over again? The film that I've watched over and over again is because there's a couple of contenders for this is Bad Santa. Bad Santa is in my top ten films of all time. Fuck me, that film is great.

I think Bad Santa is a perfect film. And you know what, I relate, Bad the Team, Bad Center and School of Rock are both films that if you were like, what's the trailer, they look like a film you've seen you sort of go, yeah, yeah, it's that kind of film, But you've never seen that film done so perfectly as those two is tremendous. What a movie. Love it? I love it. I love everything about it. And there's one bit that you know you're talking about the Will Smith

that the bit of philosophy and Bad Boys three. Yeah, this is not this is not quite up there, right, but it really did put across the idea of human nature, made me think about life this part of the film, and there's a bit where Billy Bob Thornton's character is sitting in the mall or the department store canteen and he's eating he's eating his lunch and he's in the center outfit and this mum and her kid they spot him and she the mum takes him over right to

go and say hello to She's going go and say hello to Santa. And then he's obviously just trying to ignore them because he just wants to eat his lunch. She doesn't give a fuck about being Santa. And the kid comes up and then he just goes, goes, I'm just trying, and it's like a bit let us flies out of his out of his mouth, and it just really made me laugh because I just thought to myself, I sympathize with everybody in that scene, right, because that

mum is trying, she's under a lot of pressure. She's she's obviously she might not be able to afford to spend the time chewing up or even pay for that Santa experience for her kids to go and see Santa. She's trying to make she's trying to give her a kid a good Christmas. That kid's obviously in the right because he just loves Santa and he's like, you know, he might be coming, you know, who knows what year he's had to lead up to that Christmas and he

just wants to go and talk to Santa. He suddenly got the opportunity to talk to Santa, and Billy Bob Thornton I totally sympathize with him as well because he's just trying to have his fuck in lunch, do you I mean? And that that whole thing made me think about empathy. I mean, if somebody, if one person in that scene had thought about what would be like to be one of the other people in that scene, we

never have had that fucking nightmare of a situation. Billy Bob Thorn and all he's got to think about is this kid's just trying to enjoy his Christmas. This Mom's all that mum's got to think about is that guy's been talking to kids all fucking day. He's not going to want to talk to a kid doing And do you know what I mean that that was such an eye opener to me. I mean, I love that scene for that, but there's so much good stuff about it.

You know the bit where the old woman's sleeping in the living room and then it pounds out of the window and they're having sex in the hot time and she's just gonna fuck me. It's so good, Bernie Mack

saying her half half. Also, it does the thing. It's like a perfect bit of screenwriting because you know, you watch bad Tanner when you go, oh, well, it's going to be about him becoming good or learning to be nice, and even at the very end with everything that happens, the film plays it both ways, like he's not nice. At the end, he's still there's a yes, yeah, yeah for that. For the stuff, it's fucking great. It's as

good as Bad Soner Too is terrible. I went to see Bad Tancer two and I forgave it all of it's many, many, many crimes, just because I was like happy to know, I know, you just sort of go. Actually, even if they didn't even even if Billy Bob Thornton as as as Soner did like a Facebook live, we didn't even have you know what I mean, Yeah, he just sort of chatted for a bit about his attitude to all the stuff. I fucking watched that I got to watch Okay, you're in comedy, right, What's the film

that made he laughed the most? Probably plays Trains and Automobiles. I just I just think that dynamic between John Candy and Steve Martin is absolutely perfect. It's absolutely perfect. And that film has been attempted to be remade, all versions of that film done many times since, and they've never got it right, quite right because Steve Martin, Steve Martin's escalation to be getting pissed off and then his comeback

down is so perfectly done. And John Candy's level of being an annoying prick against how sweet he is is so perfectly done that you go with it the whole.

It's so lovely and so funny Steve that film. You never get annoyed with Steve Martin for being angry with John Candy, and you never get annoyed with John Candy for being who he is, because because they do it no perfect And I remember watching I watched du Date, and I was very excited about watching Due Date because which Due Date is essentially playing Trains and Automobiles, where with Robert Danny Jr. Who I love, Zach Galliphnakis, who I love, and it's also got a cameo from Danny McBride,

who I think is fucking amazing. But they I thought, into my mind, I felt like Robert Danny Junior's character was a little bit of touch, too dislikable, and Zach Galliphernakis, yeah it's too mean. I don't know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah it is. But there's there's an amazing bit in

that in due Date. I know we're supposed to be talking about planes trains, but there's an amazing bit in Dude Date that made me rethink how I write comedy dialogue completely where they've gone to visit Jamie Fox, they go, it's just like, it's just because the randomness of it

that was so funny. It wasn't a setup punch, it was just so and I just thought they must have just been talking and they come up with this because they've just been to Jamie Fox's house and Zach Gallaphannakis is talking to Robert Danny June about how he thinks that Jamie Fox might have slept with his wife, right, and then he says, do you think that they have panda babies at San Francisco Zoo? Just approprised of nothing.

They're just having a different conversation and Robert Downey and he goes, can I just ask what the train of thought was that led you to ask me that question? And it goes, well, it was, well, I just as thinking about how if those two had sex, they probably might have had babies, and then if they had those babies, what one of those babies look like. And then that's thinking about pandas and the panda babies. We've come to

the end. You've been absolutely wonderful. However, when you were in the in the park with your wife and kids, you got annoyed with them because they weren't talking, they weren't practicing the eulogy that you'd written for them to do at your funeral. Yeah, and you went for a walk and you tripped and you fell down quite a small ditch, to be fair, and your foot got stuck at the bottom of it, and you were just like

and you sort of leaned against it. I mean, he's literally a couple of meter two meters deep this ditch, and you couldn't be bothered to sort of climb out. You just lay there for a bit and eventually you died of starvation after about four weeks, and I went looking for you because your wife and kids didn't seem that bother that the it feels weird that it feels weird that you'd be the go to person for them

to ask. I know, w well, yeah, And in a way, I'm sort of like there's a sadness to me that I'm the only person that's thinking of it after four weeks that there hasn't been more of a sort of anyway. But that's that's by the bye. I find you at the bottom of this ditch. But because you've been there a long time, you're in quite a staate. Like grass has grown over you, like animals have been eating at you, Like there's bits of things that are now stuck to you.

There's some rubbish that's just come in the ditch. You've got a plastic baggert or like you're a fucking mess. I got you this coffin. It was the size of you, but there's more of you than i'd expected, So I have to chop you up into fucking bits, and I'm stuffing you inside this coffin. I'm having to like fucking elbow bits in anyway, I managed to get you all in, but it's rammed, and there's only enough room in this coffin for one DVD that I can slide in the side.

You can take that to the other side of you. And on the other side there's a movie note every night and one note it's movie night. One night, it's your movie nighte What movie are you taking to show to everyone on the other side? Juice? Yes, huh, Hu's a film. I love that film. It's a great are you going to be very popular in Heaven? Tupac was so charming in that movie. The d James Seems are so great in that film. It says everything I want people to. It frames hip hop in a way that

I find delightful. It's a good representative for the culture that I love so much, and it's a great story. I love that film. It's a coming It's a great coming of age film. I love it. And it's a sort of film that if I put it on in Heaven, people go up. Rush is cool. We had a We're a cool choice a while ago. We've had We've had The Godfather twenty seven nights in a row. And then I'll tell you what broke it up that you know, the one that sits on his own a lot. He

put on juice. We just made the word the other one that probably his head pretended to listening to the Smiths. Romes, thank you so much for your time. Thank you. Anything you would like to tell anyone to look out for No over the coming weeks. No, absolutely, just this point. I would like to tell them to look out for your live DJing set, which I hope is happening soon. Yeah. Yeah, that's gonna have been minutes the live just fucking nothing

but bangers, nothing but bangers, nothing but banging. Yeah with Rames ranging Athan. Thank you so much for your time. Man to stop the recording now, have a lovely time, good good night, Thanks love you baby. That was the re wine classic with Romeo, Frank and APM. What's that? Brilliant man? God, he's great and he I hope you're all well at home or in the gym, or in a car, or on the train, or on the tube or in the sea. You can listen to these things in the scene now. I do very well with fish.

Thanks to Scrubby as Pip and the distracting pieces of Network. Thanks to Buddy Piece for producing it. Thanks to ACAS for hosting it thanks to Adding Richardson for the graphics and Les allied Them for the photography. I hope you're all well. I appreciate you all listening. I'll be back next week with another absolute banging, all time classic. In the meantime, have a lovely week, and all of you please be excellent to each other and crust everybody. It was uncross was that it was across