Patton Oswalt (Episode 121 Rewind!) • Films To Be Buried With with Brett Goldstein #238

You get all the extras and the video and the whole episode uncut and ad free at the patroon Patreon dot com, Forward slash Brett Goldstein. What's Shrinking On Apple tv Plus. There's three episodes left to go this season, and then on March fifteenth, Ted Lasso Season three will premiere. I hope you'll watch it. I hope you'll love it. I hope everyone as well. So that is it for now. I very much hope you enjoy this episode of Films to be Buried With Rewinds Classic with Patton Oswald. Hello,

and welcome to Films to be Buried With. It is I Brett Goldstein, and I am joined today by an actor, a writer, a stand up a sketchman, a comic book artist, an award winner, a documentarian, a multi award winner, a father, a husband, a lover, a superstar, a saint, and a genius and a hero. Please welcome to the show The Incredible Paddles. WHOA, Oh my god. Thank hang on, I'm just updating my IMDb. That was fantastic. I gotta eat win a minute putting all that in there. Thank you.

Thanks Brett, Hey, thanks so much for doing this. How are you? Yeah? I am great this morning. How are you doing? I'm all right, it's evening. It's evening or afternoon. Where you are right this evening? Now? It's so nice you got up early to do this. I did appreciate my pleasure. I have to ask, how's your pandemic treating you? My pandemic, my pandemic is treating all of us in America pretty bad because we don't have someone modeling good behavior.

I would imagine there's a lot of Americans looking to New Zealand right now. They're out there. They're going to concerts and having dinner together and going to movies, and we are still indoors, trying our best to catch up on shows on Amazon and Netflix, but there's not a lot. I mean, look that the pandemic is treating us as badly as the behavior that's being modeled, which is really chaotic and really nuts. So yeah, is it treat an

hour stand up online? Is that how it works? Two nights ago I went on did a live streaming thing on this place, this place called on Location Live, and it was me doing a new hour of material into this little camera on my laptop. And like every other comedian that I've seen do it, I was not gonna do it. I was offered it a few months ago and I said, I just that's not But then friends of mine like Maria Bamford and Mike Berbiglia and Brian was saying, we're doing it, and I said, okay, well

maybe I need to. I don't want to be like I didn't want to be the vaudevillian that refused to be on TV. Like, if this is where the technology is going, maybe I should become comfortable with it on

one level or another. So I did it, and just like I predicted, the first ten minutes, I'm speaking really fast and constantly referencing that there's no one there and you can see you could hear my mouth getting dry and kind of smacky because I'm so nervous, And then I just kind of rolled with it and it became looser, and there were things out. There were moments like right now, like I was talking, but I didn't even need to

look at the camera. It felt like sitting with someone in a restaurant and going who was the guy that like it had that feeling were you just sat down and did it. But this is where, Yeah, we looked in the house and my wife Mare to thank god arranged like an actual background for me, because if she hadn't been there, it just would have been some weird, blurry, creepy like I wouldn't have bothered with the esthetic or set design. So thank god I had an equivalent of

a bow welch if you know about production design. Who came in and let's make this look good. So thank goodness. Wow. I've done a few online gigs and in England there's one gig that has nailed it, which is there's a gig could always be comedy, whichever in London you must do. But what they've done is they've made a zoom where so if there's like two hundred people on it. Fifty of them are mic. The mic set up and they're in boxes so you can hear. You actually have feedback,

and it makes such a difference. I've seen that on a couple of these gigs, and I know they're they're working on that technology. I would let that the next time I do it. I want to do that mic thing. But I know that some of the platforms, if they make the people, then it mutes you out. But I guess they figured it out. They cracked that code. So

oh that's got to be. So. So you've done some of these shows where you get like a where you get people, because I did one where you you're just doing it into the void and man, I, ah, yikes, it's horrible because you are just the whole time going is it? Yeah? Anyone? So? Is it is anyone there? Am I Have I lost my mind? Yeah? Horror? You feel like am I the am I the insane survivor in the post apocalyptic film Who's the film was like, I don't know if anyone's receiving this transmission, but here's

how it happened. I'm the only like like you. That's how you have that feeling. And also we're not built for it, like it Like what you've been trained for is to like react to laughter and pauses. What you're also trained for is if you hear silence, it's going badly, yes, but when you're doing these, you're like, it's going badly. Instincts h And also you you're you're trained to if you do say something that really lands, then you want that moment to let to code on the laughter. So

the audience builds some confidence in you. So if you're talking and there were like there were thirty five hundred people on the feet, that's how many tickets sold. But so for all I know, for there were a couple of jokes that really landed and I just kept talking through the laughter, and they're just like, the fuck is wrong with this guy? Like why isn't he give me a second here? Of mil So, it's you're right, it's it's bad both ways. You need to acknowledge the silence.

You also need to acknowledge if there's any success. And I wasn't doing either one, which is you look like an insane person. You know. Well, listen, I've been catching up on your stuff. I watched I Love Everything this morning. Oh loved this man. Absolutely, I was a huge fan

of Annihilation, but it's amazing. Thank you, thank you. Of all the things you've done, and you've done many wonderful things, but the one that I talk about the most and I'm slightly obsessed with is the film Young Adult, which I think is not seen enough. And when I did the greatest maybe of the last decade special young Adult was on that list because it's so fucking and I watched it again the other day. Oh it is bold.

That is a bleak. It has that early seventies bleak boldness of when they're because the early seventies was that golden era of movies where they were ballsy enough to have protagonists that they would defiantly not change, and the thrill was getting to the end of the story and going, oh, they're just digging in even deeper. Oh, and that actually happens,

Like that happens to people. That's a real thing, and I you're so not used to seeing that on screen that that's really startling to that moment at the end, when again my favorite scene in the movie is between her and the actress who plays my sister, Colette Wolf, where maybe you're thinking and they do that great teas where when she's coming out of the bedroom from spending the night with me and you're thinking, hey, maybe she's soft, and then she runs into my sister and my sister

puts her right back on the track that she like, oh, you're just like no, don't talk to that woman. It's so it's amazing. It's so amazing that scene and you're, you know, phenomenal in it. And the final scene with you, you and her makes me cry a face beautiful. It's such a good thing. And and also I hadn't seen a film when I saw it at the cinema where the hit you know the lead who you are connected to, and you do care about her to have her mission

be the moment where she kisses Patrick Wilson. Literally half the audience went and half the audience sort of went yeah, like it was. Everyone was so confused by exactly, you don't have any solid footing again, like in real life. There are moments where she does things you're like, well, that's pretty cool, and then other moments like what a fucking horrible what is she doing? And so you're right, you don't know how to feel in that moment. Also the fact that someone pointed this out to men ever

talk about it. She's playing an alcoholic and if you notice in the nighttime scenes in the bar, she's so put together. She's just gorgeous and quick witted. But then those moments when she's walking around in the sunshine and she looks so withered and reduced, and the fact that she let herself look like that, like usually actresses are like in the sunlight, I need to sparkle, and she looks like she wants to crawl into a sewer when she's walking around in a daylight. Like just such an

amazing performance that she went that far with. Yeah, she's incredible in it, and the storytelling it. It's all this stuff that's not in it, Like we don't hear about her marriage, we don't, And the fact that she has this dog that she you know, there's this element of her that wants to love something and there's all this

stuff and it's size. Fuck. It's a good fil well, but the fact that that's what's so great is again, like those really great movies, the fact that she never even thinks to bring up her marriage or ever reference it tells everything you need to know about that marriage. It was a catastrophe, and she just there's no connection to it. Yeah. That tells you all you need to know. So oh yeah, okay, I get it now. I know exactly what's happening. Brilliant. Yeah, you're genuinely brilliant in it,

and I love it. Thank you. That's all. That's all I wanted to say. Good night. Oh all right, thanks for having me on you. Oh but I have I have forgotten to tell you something. No, I gotta go. I got four the podcasts. Oh wait, wait, wait, this is quite important next day, and I should have told you this all right before I told you about the

other stuff. But no, I'm doing films to be I'm doing films to be cremated within five minutes, and then I'm doing films to be buried at sea with and then just before you go, before you, just before you got to tell it. It's clearly abortant. It is. I'm just gonna have to say it. Fuck, you've died. You died. Oh no, how did you die? Sorry? How did you? Well? Oh god, this is so embarrassing. You know what. I'm just gonna tell you. I'm just gonna tell you. Yeah,

let's just I'm gonna be very open with you. I did, oh god, this is so typical too, like everyone's gonna go well, ye had, of course, is how he died. I did the tasting menu at the French Laundry up in Yeutonville, and when I sat down, the chef said, you can have the nine course or the seventeen course, and I went, oh, I want to give me the seventeen course. What I didn't know is at the French Laundry, every course is it's course. One is A and B, so you taste one thing and then the second thing.

There's actually thirty four courses. So by the time we got to there and there's a salt course, there's a butter course. Literally they bring out a thing of butter then you just eat taste the butter. So by the time we got to the pork course, I was feeling like, oh, I think like there's not as much air is going through my esophagus as normally. I'm feeling a little. I think like food is getting blocked up and I and I should have just said, you know what, let me

box the desserts. But I had to show off. I had to show off to everyone else to take I'm gonna power all the way through. And by the time we got to there was like a molten um mocha um crystalline egg and that is the one. A shard from the egg went down my throat lodge sideways and

it prevented me. And look, I basically I choked out on a whimsical um molten uh mocha crystalline egg in front of Brad Bird and Paul Thomas Anderson and um, Christopher Nolan had a director's fortnite and um it was I know and and and it was exactly if I had just stopped at thirty. Oh God, you had to bring that up. See, that's what kills me. I could

have walked away. And with the other thing that killed me is It was weird because it was sort of pleasurable because the oxygen kind of left my brain and I had this wonderful meal in front of me. But the thing was, I looked at all of the directors and all I could see with any one of them could have jumped up and given me the Heimlich. But I can see Brad going, Oh, I could use this

so brilliantly in like an animated movie. And then Nolan was like, Oh, this could be a really cool beginning to one of these weird reversal you know, like time loop kind of movies. And then Paul Thomas Henderson will be like, oh, this would be one of like Eleven Deaths and the giant patchwork film that I'm gonna make about about exactly about Tarzana, California, that I'll do in like five years, and um, yeah, we'll get like, we'll get like Josh, gad, we'll play this and he'll just

he'll die on a crystallly nag. This is perfect. I could just see them making notes for their movies. It was that was a little painful. That was a lortful. So as he was taking to death, that that just making nice. Yeah, that's direct, it's for you in it. I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna name it. One of them clearly had the notes functioning his iPhone open but under the tables I couldn't see it, and he was something I'm not gonna say which one, but that

was so clearly happening. Well it wasn't Nolan because he doesn't like having exactly so that I was all right, okay, good guests, but I'm not gonna I'm not gonna say which one, but I will say that it was it was bad. It was a pleasurable death, but it was a frustrating death. And I'll leave it at that. Wow. Yeah, damn you, Thomas Keller. Wow what I want to shock him? It absolutely shocking ways to go. Do you worry about death? Do you think is it something that keeps you up

at night? You're I'm death. I mean, obviously I've experienced death very very close in firsthand, but as far as my death is concerned, I'm more This is gonna sound a little too philosophical. Like I've done a lot of the things that I wanted to do. There's other things that I do want to do, but I don't feel like it's essential to the world if I do them or not. Like I did the things that were essential to me. Now I can do the things that that

are like more of my caprices and more fun. I'm such a fan of other people that I know, other comedians, other writers, other filmmakers. The ones I worry about are there are some young, up and coming people that this is gonna sound really weird, And I hope she doesn't

get pissed at me for saying this. I worry about like a Phoebe waller Bridge dying because she clearly has decades of amazing work in her and I don't want her to like I want her in a protective bubble, and I want to see whatever it is she has coming. Like when I remember watching Fleabag, I was like, this is this is what it must have been like to see like Martin Scorsese's who's that knocking at my door and going, oh, no, one, please this guy. Make sure

this guy stays alive for a long time. I want to see what this guy's gonna do, you know. So it's that kind of feeling, and that's such a weird thing. But I do worry about certain musicians and filmmakers and writers like I, no, no, let them keep going, go protect them. To me, that's what matters to me. I think,

you know what. I think The reason that I dwell on that is because I was really because pretty good friends with Mitch Hedberg back in the day, back in San Francisco, and then moved to LA around the same time. And then he's one of those guys that and everyone has someone like this, but it's like he was such an absolutely brilliant writer, and there was decades of work that we didn't get to see out of him, and that he didn't get to create, and that that that

has always bothered me, you know. I mean weren't like deep close personal friends, but we'de each other all the time and we would talk and I was just always I was just always excited to see him. It was always like, oh, this is a thing that I'm always going to get to look forward to. He's always going to have some amazing new joke. And then for him to just be gone like that was like, well, that's that sounds very selfish, but it's like, why does he

not get to keep putting things into the world. Yeah, it sounds thee the opposite of selfish. Yeah, I don't know. Do you believe in n afterlife? How do you see it? If I may ask? God? The thing that haunts me about the afterlife? No one Intended is a line from Neil Gaiman's Sandman comic books. Did you read The Sandman? Yeah? Yeah, I just look God. There's a line where Um dreams older sister death. Someone asks like, where do people go

when they die? And then she says people go where they think they ought to go, which means that at the last moment. Does that mean like, if you're subconscious truly is eating you alive with guilt, it will set like it will create a place for you to go, that is you know what I mean. So that's always really because because there's there's very positive and very negative connotations to that idea. Personally, I would love if the afterlife was exactly as Albert Brooks describes it in Defending

Your Life. That is such a wonderful system. The only thing that I find unrealistic about that movie is if I was in Judgment City and you could eat food and it doesn't affect you, I would just have a backpack full of like fried rice or but like it would just I would just never not be eating. That's all I'd been doing. The fact that he like can take bites of things and then wander away, I'm like,

how what what are you doing? You know? So, but yeah, that that idea of you forward if you conquer your fear, there's something really beautiful about that. I've never heard that, and that's gonna scare me forever. What is your conception Do you have a conception on the apple look because I love hearing that from other people. I mean, it keeps changing. I do think we keep going around. Oh, I do think that. I think that we keep going around until we get better. But I think that there's

a bit in between you coming back. Well, this is the only bit I don't get. I've talked about this before, but the yeah, I believe this is the Buddhist the Buddhist way of reincarnation. And the only bit that annoys me about it is that you forget. Is that you when you start again, you forget everything you learned in the last life, which seems an inefficient way of getting better at it. But you do. You do meet people

who are you know. People say like, oh, he's an old soul or she's you know, and it feels correct to me. You meet people who feel like they're new, people who feel like they've been in a while, you know what I mean. Yeah, what if we find out later that like, there are certain forms of schizophrenia that are just a form of reincarnation that's fritched out a little bit, that you're hearing your other lives, but it's all at once, and it's not coming in in an

orderly fashion. And that's why that's why it's people that are quote unquote insane can often have these really amazing insights into things beyond what we can do. It's because there are too many channels that are open to other lives, and that's what they're funneling into themselves. That would be interesting. But that's I never thought of it that way. That, Yeah,

it is an inefficient system. If what your aim is is to improve us, maybe, but then maybe the way the people that are getting close to reaching that are the old souls. And I know exactly you're talking about. There's people that I've met. I had a friend put it this way. Even just meet certain people and you're like, this person just gets the deal and people are just drawn to them and it has nothing to do with them,

whether they're a celebrity or not. Like you can go to like a bar and look at the staff and there's like one member on the staff that everyone they're just the natural. That's just people are drawn to them, you know. And I just read this oral history of the making of days and confused it's called alright, alright, alright. It is fascinating. They go through the making of it

and Matthew McConaughey. I think is one of those old souls where he was just a guy that they hired for the day, and then they became very clear, Oh wait a minute, write him more, that he was just so connected to all this other stuff, and they saw it on a film like, well, this is obviously you just you know, there's just certain people. That's how it is. I was thinking about it now that we're talking about it, because I haven't thought about it in a wild you know.

I think you're born with certain characteristics and morality and certain things, and everyone everyone is born with like a box, and everyone's box is different, right, Yeah, and maybe that what's in your box is from your previous life, what the things you've accrued. Yeah, But the point is you don't know ahead of time specifically what each item is and what it's linked to, and that part of your life is figuring out how those items fit together. It's

like them. There's a Philip K. Dick short story called Paycheck or a guy who he's like an agent, is sent into the future to do things and then when they come back, they wipe your memory. He's like he's like a corporate assassin. Type, but he leaves himself this envelope full of weird items that don't mean anything to himself in the present, but they save his life as he's going along. And that's like a version of that

of getting that box, having it that weird. Yeah, yeah, that's such a cool the idea of an old soul. I never thought of it that way. You meet kids, you make there is a vast difference between kids. Some are really dumb on some aid. That's one thing that Meredith says, and she goes, I feel terrible saying it, but there's certain kids, you mean, they're like, they're just shitty kids, Like this shitty person. This is the tiny shitty person who's gonna grow up to be an older

shitty person. Then there's nothing you can do. You don't want to be mean to him. But it's like, it's just so fucking clear, there's this terrible you knows. Yeah, yes, you're right. There was a very famous um uh there, Oh my god. They were what if shitty people are just rookies and you should be trying to help. You're like, oh, he's just a rookie. He doesn't so many better. He's trying,

he's trying. There was an interview that Carl Reiner was on The Tonight Show in the early sixties and they Johnny Carson was like, who's your Who's the funniest person you know? And he's like this kid who lives down the street from me. Um, because Carl Reiner lived next to this guy that that old vaudeville performer park your carcass. But he was talking about he was like, this kid's his name is Albert Einstein. That that this dad gave the name Albert Einstein. His kids like thirteen, He's the

funniest kid I've ever met in my life. It was Albert Brooks, That's what he was talking about. And he was like, I would go over to my to my friend. His father was his very famous vaudevillian and Carl Reiner knew him, and Carl will go visit the guy's dad and then it would just and also his son Rob was friends with Albert Brooks. He's like, this kid is the funniest person I've ever met. He's just the thirteen

year old Like we've all met people like that. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I want to talk about this all day, but listen, I've got to spoil of you, which is there is a heaven and actually not everyone who comes on this podcast would agree, but I think you'd fucking love this one because hey, you've got a backpack filled with infinite food that doesn't affect you and be everyone's

obsessed with films. There they're obsessed with it. Oh and not an annoying way, yes, And I know what they want to do and other things if you like, but mostly what they want to do is talk to you about your life but through film, and let's do it. And the first thing they ask you, oh yeah, is what is the first film that you remember seeing the first film? And I remember this so clearly. And before I tell the story, I'm not slagging the parents involved

in the story. They had every good intention when they did what they did. The earliest would just hang on because it was like in nineteen seventy three or four US, you know, like you know, four years old, five years old, living in southern California. My dad was in the military. It's very briefly we lived there before we moved to Virginia. But it was Halloween and they had a children's Halloween activity day at the local library. Won't this be fun, and we did cut out pumpkins and we made ghost

cookies and they told ghost stories. And then they showed us a movie. And it being the early seventies and there's no internet or no parental resources, they thought, oh, let's show them an old silent horror movie. This will because silent movies that's for everybody. How scary can this be? No One? And they showed us. They projected it on a wall, on a sixteen millimeter projector because back then, by the way, you could rent eight millimeter and sixteen

millimeter films. That's how people would watch them. They showed us FW Murnau's No Sperato to a bunch of five and six year olds. And by the way, I and like earlier this year, I watched No Sparatto. I have a there's a film service called Canopy, Like, I'm gonna watch this again just to make sure, like maybe I'm only seeing it mirth from my five year old brain. That is one of the most terrifying, just openly disturbing film. It's all it is is disturbing images, and the narrative

kind of doesn't make sense. There's kind of a dream logic to it. It just kind of jumps around. So it has that five year old logic way of looking at the world where just all it is scary stuff coming in. Kids were screaming and crying and I was freaking out. But I was very, very fascinated by how come this little square of light is making everyone. We were just in this room that was well, let we

know we're in safe in the world. They put a couple of towels over the windows and suddenly we're in hell. Like it just completely and I'm like, how did that happen? And that is why I've been fascinated with film ever since, because it happened like that and that movie. Go watch No Sparatto. It's fucking by today's standards, that movie is fucked up. It's really just a series of just images. It's like, what the fuck? And then the woman has like dies at the end, like she openly sacrifices herself,

Like it's so fucked up. Huh. So were you with your parents watching this? I think it was a drop off to like the seventies were all about I just leave your kids there and we'll cut I mean, I remember very clearly you were a shitty parent. If your kid was inside your home watching TV and being supervised. The good parents were like, go outside, play, run around, get exercise, come back when it gets dark. I don't care where you go. Go outside. And that was it.

That was like, just that's what he did, you know? So that yeah, I'm sure they dropped me off and then picked you up and you you were shaken and what happened? Oh, how are the pumpkin cookies? There? There's a guy. He came out of the darkness and he talking people's souls. It was just like, do you want to go back tomorrow? They're gonna show hacks and witchcraft through the ages? You have it. You have a brother, right, I have a little brother. Yeah, my brother Matt. How

much younger is he? He's a year and a half younger than me. So was he there? Were you together? I cannot remember. He doesn't see he doesn't remember seeing that movie. He doesn't he doesn't have that memory. Maybe he was there and just I don't know, but he does, you're that's a good question, But he's never he doesn't remember that. I very specifically remember thinking that he just shut down that film and lives in denial. I get it. Yeah, maybe his brain was like, no, we're not gonna deal

with this yet. You're too young. What film knows what made you cry? The mice? Do you a cryer? Yes, here's what's weird. Though I don't cry in movies when things are sad. I mean I still do cry when things are really sad, like I remember very specifically, the baby mind sequence from Dumbo always wipes me. I mean,

my God in heaven. But the part, the moment in movies and in art that makes me cry is when someone decides to be good to someone else in spite of the world going It'd be so much easier if he just were shitty, and they're like, no, God damn it, I'm gonna step So there's a moment like in The Bad News Bears when Walter math out and he acts rough doing it because he needs to. When he decides I'm going to actually coach this team, and he's like,

God damn it, no one's boat counts but mine. We're gonna like and he's gonna actually because these kids have been humiliated, and he does that little speech about this Quinton thing. You know, it's a hard habit once you start and you realize he's talking about his own life, and he's like, you know, just because I found a way to be comfortable with pissing my life away, I don't have to dump this on these kids, and that that scene, there's something so beautiful about that, whenever someone

steps up for someone else. The most recent time that happened was in Joe Joe Rabbit at the end when Sam Rockwell, when he sacrifices the self to save Jojo own they're dragging him away and he's smiling like he's safe. I mean, I was crying so hard in the theater. I mean I saw the premiere. I went to the premiere and I was just bawling in that moment when people step the hell up and go no, I'm gonna I'm just such a sucker for that. Yeah, that's what

makes me cry the most. I fucking love Jji Rabbit. I've seen that. I saw that four times. It's so good. It's so good, and it's one of them films. There was another film, Last Advice. Both Jojo Rabbit Advice were divisive in a way that I was like, what, like, objectively an incredible film. Well, I remember very specifically to Jojo Rabbit arguments where people were arguing about just like esthetics, where they were arguing about things out of context, and

it's like, this is another this is a story. I mean, if you read The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, he was not diminishing Nazism to link it with Beatlemania, because that is how it was. They literally designed Hitler's speeches the way a rock promoter would promote an up and coming band. You book a venue that's too small, so that apples you can go, oh, we couldn't fit anyone in there. There were a lot like and they

would sell pamphlets outside. It was literally the same mechanics as a rock concert, which makes it that much more frightening. That's why he did it the way he did it, you know. So, Yeah, there are movies that come out in their device and I'm like, what the fuck are you people arguing about? Its good? Yeah? I cry in movies like you know what, you know what. The weirdest movie I've ever cried it was for that reason. So

is um A Kira Kurosa's Yojimbo. When Sanjuro, the the bodyguard to Shiramafune gets all angry about the when he realizes that he's that family. They've kidnapped the wife and he's actually helped, he's part of It's an earlier version of Sam Jackson realizing, Oh, I'm the team or any of evil men, I'm the actual I've got to step up and do something good. And he's like, people like this,

Oh God, they make me stick. And then he just picks up his sword and goes to slaughter everyone to rescue his family and was like, oh God, he's gonna doing something like I just love moments like that. Sorry, next question, I'm sorry about that. No, I really like that. Well, other than Nosperaz, what's the film that scadge the most. Oh, this is another quick story about well meaning nineteen seventies parents who did not know what they were doing. They

were not trying to fuck us up. I remember this very specifically. Me, me and my friend Bruce Beardsley wanted to go see Ralph Backshe's Lord of the Rings, the animated Lord of the Rings. Oh, we want to go see because we loved dungeons and Dragons. Bruce's dad took us. Great guy, great dad. We go to the theater. Lord of the Rings is sold out. There's no tickets. And what else is playing this is it's nineteen seventy eight or seventy nine. Oh, Invasion of the Body Snatchers. They

remade it. His dad was like, I saw Invasion the Body Snatchers growing up. That's a fun Yeah, final ghost, the Invasion the Body snatcherss. That movie. I had so many nightmares. I mean for weeks. My mom was was I remember my mom even called Bruce's dad was like, why did you take He's like, I thought it was just this. I didn't know it's gonna be that mess. I couldn't sleep The Donald Sutherland Invasion the Body Snatress.

And by the way, I went and rewatched that a few years ago just to confirm it wasn't just my ten year old head. That's a fucking terrifying movie. And it's designed to fuck with you. Ay, the aliens win at the end, they fucking win. Earth is fucking destroyed. That final shot of Donald Futherland. You're like, what, but also I read this this was really weird. M Philip Coffman,

the director. The sound design. When you watched the beginning of the movie, there's the there's your standard city sounds, birds, traffic machines, you're the sound of life. And as the movie goes on, each of those sounds drops out of the soundtrack. So by the end there's no animal sounds, there's no cars, there's no city because all of that

is shut down. But they do it very subtly, and that's why you're so the last half hour of the movie, you're so unnerved because there's no point of reference to grab onto to feel like it's life anymore. And it's and again, imagine that working on a ten year old's brain, like it's just so fucking scary. Oh god, that movie fucked me up. That's fucking smart. Yeah, isn't that brilliant? Yeah, that's brilliant. It's just I mean, you've seen that movie right there. Yeah, And I've done sevens in it is

I love? Do you know this about him? I'm sure you do. You know everything? But the thing and I would love to be famous enough that I had this sort of cloud. But apparently, and when he signs up for a film, part of his deal is do you know this? No, his contract, his deal he'll do the film if you shoot the middle first. As long as they shoot the middle first, he'll do the film. Because He's like, if I'm still finding the character, if we film the middle, by the time we film the beginning,

I'll have the character and I'll be good. So that as an audience, by the time you get to the middle, you won't notice if I'm a bit shit in the middle, because I've sold it at the beginning. I've that's brilliant. But also the middle of the movie is usually when the characters are having all their doubts and all their second thoughts. So if he is flailing a little bit, yeah,

that actually also fits. Holy shit, that's genius. Good is it? Honestly? Whenever, whenever I've a few times i've had acting jobs, if there ever is discussions about scheduling, like what would work for you, I'm always like, oh, we could shoot the middle, we could do the middle stuff? Can we let's do the middle? If I ever get the clout, I am so doing that whole crap. That's amazing, smart, isn't it.

I always get nervous every job I've had. Way it's like we're filming the first scene first, I'm always like, a shit, what if I don't here? Yeah, that's what's weird. If you watch um the Godfather James Kahn. Early on, like the first couple of days of filming, he didn't have the sunny character down one hundred percent, hadn't quite figured it out. And then he apparently went and saw Don Rickles and there was like, I'm gonna play him like that, and then for the rest of the movie

he's Don Rickles. But you gotta do any And you can see the chain if you know that. Going in the early scenes, you're like, that's not quite sunny any Like there he is, So it's really cool to see that. Yeah, but god, that's a brilliant you shoot the middle. What film is not critically acclaimed. People do not like it generally, but you love it and you love it so much you don't even care what anyone says. You just think

everyone's an idiot. This film's amazing. I mean, it doesn't get the credit for the genius stuff that it does, although it did get some good reviews. But I think it should be Like a criterion disk is John McNaughton's Wild Things with Matt Dylan and Nev Campbell and Bill Murray.

It is a really smart noir hiding inside of a trashy like softcore Cinemax film, but then you realize acting like a soft corese Cinemax film is part of Nev Campbell's plot to lure in these dumb shits played by Kevin Bacon and Matt Delt like that's part of her genius. And then the fact that they then spend the end credits going backwards and showing you how the whole thing

gets set up. You know. I remember there's a Roger Ebert review of The Good, The Bad, me Ugly where he's like, when it first came out, I only gave it three stars because in my mind, I'm like, a movie this entertaining can't also be a great film. Like a great film has got to feel like you've done some work, and it took me till I was older to go. No, actually making a really entertaining movie is

also really fucking hard. That also means it's great. And that's what I think about Wild Things is just because it is what it is, insanely entertaining and funny, doesn't mean it's also not a great film with some kind of brilliant things to say about masculinity and class warfare and stuff like that. But it just happens to be really really fun to watch. But it's also genius that's there. And you know this, you must know this. They wrote that backwards. You know that. That's how they really write

wild things. Yeah, they sort of works backwards. That's why it's such a great bit of plotting as they sort of did it. God, because if it felt like the end credit scene was the thing that McNaughton came up with later like, oh wait a minute, we could do that. So in the end credit you're watching his writing process, you're watching how he sets it up. And nev Campbell is basically the screenwriter of the film, of the plot, and but she's using everybody because she's being whatever she

needs to be in front of you. It's and it's such a brilliant performance that she does. But because again it's so trashy and funny and entertaining that I think people are like, well, this this can't be a great performance, Like no, it is. It just is also really entertaining. What the what the fuck? So yeah, that's one of those movies that I really think is the needs a second look. That's a very good shout what what what's what's one of yours that you champion? I think Batman

Returns is the best Batman film. Oh I gotta hear this. Wait why? Why? Because Batman Returns is that is the first feminist superhero film that comes because Catwoman appears and her whole thing is she literally says to a woman that needs savings, she says, always standing around waiting for a Batman to save you. Cut and I love that. There's this weird, sort of fattiest, weird sexual stuff going on.

And then there's all this amazing scene where I'm just like, that is such a good idea where they go to the masked ball and the only two people not in mask Batman and Catwoman, and it's such a fucking great idea that they wow, they've already got masks, they're covered in masks, and also the idea that and then then when they both realize who each other are and they're like, what we're supposed to do? Now? That was a cool Oh now I'm gonna go watch that scene that movie again.

It's a great film. Christoher Wilkins mad in it and it's it's cool and it's so odd and like for a mainstream, big, you know, Hollywood bloodbust film, it's so weird and very sexual and very sexual, and the penguin is genuinely terrified. I think, I think is I will give you nightmares, and he's not playing for laughs and

he really could do. And their love story, I really loved their Batman and Catwoman's love story because it's so fucking weird and they can't be together because they're by fucked. It's really interesting. I gotta check that out again. I saw somebody was passing a meme around about the movie Batman and Robin and it was a picture of mister Freeze and poison Ivy and Batman and it was like,

he's trying to stop global warming. She's trying to reforest the planet, but we're supposed to root for the trust fund billionaire who beats up poor people. Like that was such a grid never thought of that take on it, right, Yeah, holy shit, Batman returns. I gotta go. I gotta check that movie out again. Now, I you're right, there's all these weird little elements to it. Oh man, Yeah, it's it's really interesting. And Michael Cayton's the best Batman you know.

And I love the fact that they're going to bring him back. But as this older, scarred like mentor Batman. There were rumors going around when when Heath Ledger tragically passed away because what an amazing performance as the Joker, and people were saying, well, how do we do the third Batman movie? And one of the ideas was, and I don't know why they didn't do this anyway, set the third Batman movie, The Dark Knight Rises. Set it forty years in the future. Batman has been it has

been cleaning up Gotham City for forty years. All of his rogues gallery in Blackgate Prison, including a now older Joker. Get like Kurt Russell to play the Batman now it's all scarred up and fun. He's like, I'm done. And then Bain comes along. Let's out all the fucking villains and then that's what And then just get some older actor to play the Joker like and see how he's changed. Well, He's like, that would have been amazing. That's the one I want to say. There you go, there you go. Yeah, Okay,

well that's that's my one. That's about Mary Times Paper don't talk about it enough. I'm gonna check that out. Wow. Thanks. I don't know why people they talk about it anything else, what's the what's the film that you used to love? You had great love for it, but then you've watched it recently and you've felt, oh, no, I don't love this no more. I still love Ghostbusters, but when unfortunately, if you watch it through twenty twenty goggles the Bill

Murray character. And I don't want to be all peace and me too, but god, the Bill Murray character is so creepy in that movie. Not just the opening scene with the sophomore, that girl that he's but like the first time he goes to Sigourney Weaver's apartment, he's all but like lunging at her like this weird. It's really unnerving,

like watching that stuff. And then also the fact that the villain is a is the EPA guy who, yeah, he's a douchebag, but he's like, you guys are there's like this weird you kind of built your own nuclear I don't think you can have this in the middle of like people could die, Like it has such a weird viewpoint, but and still there's still shit about it. It's funny. Look, I still have all the old James Bond movies, but you watch like you only live twice

you're going, oh, yikes, you know. Or there's a movie, a teen comedy that my wife made called Dream A Little Dream that was as a like fun comedy for kids that features her mom basically roofies her so that she'll like kind of I guess, sleep with the boyfriend that she's with. It's very very creepy, like what they like, like that's um there there's a Blake Edwards movie called SOB where very famously um Julie Andrews shows her gets

naked and shows her tits. But what they leave out is that they basically slip her a roofy so that she's loopy enough to do that on camera and it's done is like comedic. So there's like there was like kind of date rape stuff that was almost done as comedy a lot back then. Yeah, just like like all the time. So again I don't they don't want to be they oh you know, I can't. Like there's still

things about Ghostbusters. It's god damn brilliant, but some of the Bill Murray stuff is just really creeps me out, and I just I don't know, I think that is totally legit. It's it's like I don't know if there was that famous UM article where Molly Ringwald's daughters went and watched Breakfast Club with her and she was like, oh, there's some weird shooting. Yeah, and I think what you're saying, it's as in, it doesn't mean we have to kill guys bustess No, But it was like, you can sort

of enjoy bits of it, and I say, be horrified. Yeah, and you can, by the way, you can also enjoy how badly things of age and go oh hey, look look how far we've come. Like that can be part of the enjoyment. It's like, oh my god, people fucked un you know, like that can be part of the fun. But yeah, you and also that the the the dumb anti PC people will always fall back this you just when you know the arguments, they always fall back. And like, well,

you couldn't make Blazing Saddles today. You know that movie, And I'm like, hang on Blazing Saddles, which is about a really intelligent African American sheriff who comes in owns a whole townful of dipshit racist makes them actually get woke and evolved. You could totally make that movie today. You're you're only focusing on the first five minutes when they're yelling the N word because that's all you want

to do. But if you look at the higher arc the movie, it's actually about being woken, being PC and how that saves the goddamn day. So, like I just it's amazing how people will like compartmentalize and focus always on the wrong shit. Yeah, it's very true. And yeah, Patton, tell me this, what film means the nice to you. Not necessarily the film itself is any good, but because the experience you had seeing the film, that will ally

always make it special for you. You know what. The movie that really really means the most to me is um Peewee's Big Adventure, because that I remember I saw it. I went to see another movie I remember this one with a bunch of friends and the movie ended, and this is back in Virginia, and a person walked out and said, Hey, we have a movie we'd like to preview for you guys, whoever wants to stay, And this

is back in suburban Virginia, like a movie preview. So the whole crowd stayed and it was Peewee's Big Adventure. And that movie was the first time because I hadn't quite been exposed to money pythons as much as I wanted to. And I loved Steve Martin and I loved SNL. But you know, pebe Herman was a very, very niche cult figure. I hadn't seen him on Letterman. I barely knew.

I vaguely kind of knew who he was. And this movie was so it was the first time that I saw a comedic performer going, We're going to operate on my level, and I'm not doing this to go book you. I'm like, I'm operating on this level. I'm inviting you to come along, but you've got to operate on this weird level. And the whole this disparate suburban Virginia crowd just got on the frequency and it was at first time there's like, oh, you can make what you think

is funny palatable to anybody. And the moment that it really really clicked in the movie. People loved the movie. But there's a great moment in the middle of the movie where the only curse word in Pee's Big Adventure is when he says to Dottie, she goes, you know, you come to Chuck Spike Shop, but I'll get you a discount on a new bike, and he goes, I don't want some other crappy bike, and when he says crappy, the whole audience went WHOA like like that was part

of the joke. Is that, oh things, you're getting serious now, so that they're actually in on the joke, and it just made me And I had no idea about being a comedian I did. I didn't know that I wanted to be a writer or do something creative, but that was one of the first indications of just do your own thing and commit to it and people will come along. So that movie has always been really really special to me for that reason. You remember, I think it came out in eighty four or eighty five, so I was

a teenager. I was I was maybe fourteen or fifteen or you know, just entering high school, trying to figure out how do I be popular? How do I be And then that was one of those without ever telling you, it's just like do what you think is good. You've got to enjoy your life first, you know, because if you if you live other people's lives, you're gonna be miserable. So that idea of just go do your own stuff. It makes me so happy how you don't have to talk about it about But how old we when you

did your first gate? I was nineteen years old, nineteen years old and on the same night um I started out at a club called Garvin's Comedy Club on Elle Street and Washington, d C. July eighteenth, nineteen eighty eight, was nineteen years old. Who also went up his first time on that same show, Dave Chappelle O. He was fourteen years old, and he annihilated, Were you like, I've started t LA, I've started TLA? Said yeah, well, but but he had this energy of someone that talk about

old souls. He had the energy of someone who had been doing it for thirty years. Like just walked up, didn't rush to the microphone, started talking like all right, and you're on my level. Here, here we are. Oh my god. It was amazing. How are you? How are you? In that fast game? I was the exact opposite. I got not only did I get, oh god, here's here's what doomed me. I got no laughs except for one joke that I did, which was wasn't even a joke. It was like getting towards the idea of a joke.

But one comedian in the audience and one of the other comedians, one of the older ones, gave me the like you ever do that when you acknowledge that your friend is like, I see what you're You're get your headed towards something. But just that I got that acknowledgement from one of the pros was like I'm in. Like

then I was like, I'm in for life. And also I was like sitting and waiting to go on stage and watching the other comedians sit and talk with each other and you know, bash jokes around and knock around like that, Like I'm like, I want that hang. These are the people I want to hang with. So I wanted to hang before I wanted the career. That's what got me into it. Do you know he made the noise there's something in it? Um? Yeah, it was this

guy who ended up being roommates with years later. Um. It's got named Mark voice Um, a comedian at of Baltimore who was what a great writer. One of um One of my favorite lines of his is, um, you know it. You know it takes all kinds. No, it doesn't. We just have all kinds and we gotta make it work. Like it was just something line, so he just yeah, So to see someone who was that funny give you the little okay, there's something keep going, I gotta show up, I got I gotta keep going. Oh oh, I told

him that that little ah made me go okay. Well, but film do you miss relate to? The one movie that I keep watching over and over again is the Albert Finney Murder on the Orient Express. Yeah, because I really relate to the way that e kil Pirow is depicted in that movie. Beyond just it's not just so

much the mystery is that and it's all subtext. But he's this guy who is very very OCD, which I am, and and he sometimes can be very prickly with like other people and other relationships, and he's not quite connected with the world is maybe he would want to be. And at the end he has to kind of realize that, yes, all the people on this train did this maybe terrible thing, but the terrible thing in context was part of the

messiness of life, and he doesn't. He has to let the messiness of life go at the end because that's how life is. But he ends up it's very much that final shot of him walking down the hall alone It's that something that I've always struggled with, which is a lot of times I feel myself to be a little bit apart from the world. And you know, luckily I've met people, both friends and my first wife, Michelle,

and especially Meredith, who pull me deep. Unlike Ku Poirot, who just keeps turning away from connections, I keep meeting people who then pull me into life. But I almost see that movie from me as a warning of, like, don't end up walking alone down that train hallway while both the messiness of life and maybe even a little bit of the violence of life, but then also there's the beauty of life is happening. Don't end up walking away from it the way that Albert Finney does in

that brilliant, brilliant movie. Best answer question, I mean it's I mean, you've seen that movie, haven't you that? The Albert Finney. I mean, it's again, it's on its surf

because it's Sydney Lament who who directed it. So the dude that made Dog Day Afternoon and Serpico then goes and does murder on the Orange Express where now the surface is this glittering, very posh, very between world wars dead zone of opulence and grotesquery, but life is trying to push through, and that there's this guy that has to kind of decide I've got to let life go here. It's amazing, it's an it's it's it's worth watching again to see all that stuff that's hidden in there. That's

so fascinating. Man, Do you think if I may? I was asked on a thing. It was like, why why do you do comedy? Like? Why why comedy? And they asked me, they said, is it because you think you're funny? Is it always though you're funny? And I was like, no, that isn't why I do. I think it's because I always felt on the outside looking in. Yeah, And I felt it from like when I was I felt it like five years out at school, just sort of looking around, again,

the fuck is this? But but I felt like everyone else was in it and I was separate and observing

and thinking everything was mad? Is that? Yeah? I always Yeah, it felt like I had missed one beat in something, and everyone else had clicked their cogs had clicked into a part of this sprocket that mine hadn't quite clicked into, and I was trying to find a way to segue into it and the only way to sit because the gears were going to grind when I segued into it, and it was gonna be loud and embarrassing, so I would try to cover that up with being funny and

stuff like. That's I think a lot of community because a lot of us it's about how all the best comedy is about how you're not quite in sync with the world. And what's funny is because I'm not in sync, I'm noticing this thing that maybe the rest of you don't notice, you know. And then as you get older, you're you're starting to notice things about yourself that you've been hiding from yourself, which is even funnier. You're like, oh, here's like this total thing I was bullshitting myself about,

but here's what I actually do. The thing in the books. You had a thing in the books. You hadn't ignoled the thing that's right. It's these As you get old, you're you're especially between, you're picking up these objects in box, like the fuck what you know? That's what you're doing? Why do I have this? Holy shit, that's a great way to think of it. That's what working out the material is holy shit, this is really good therapy. And god damn me, I don't know how Yeah, experiencing this,

it's just really helpful. I realized I forgot to ask you, and people be furious, what's the film that made you laugh the most? I gotta say. I mean, I know I should pick some classic comedy, but and I was one of the early writers on it, but the first fucking Borat movie. There are sequences in that where I was like, am I gonna throw up? Like I'm laughing so much. It's just so yeah, non stop and relentless.

That writer Anthony Hines is just we were in the room where he came up with the line my wife's Vigian looks like the sleeve of a wizard, and it was like, get the fuck up and run a victory lap. You've earned it. Like it was so goddamn amazing. So yeah, that and again that movie, I did not expect it to be to come out as good as that, did, you know? But if you're talking about like just a classic movie that makes me laugh my ass off WC. Fields,

it's a gift. Or there are moments in that where it's basically it's like it's like a rough version of the Simpsons basically, or they're just this asshole family. They're so fucking stupid and just unapologetic slobs, and he just has so much fun. It's just again, I know you're supposed to people go, yeah, we we respect the old community, but that is by today Sandard. That is a genuinely like, oh fuck, I'm laughing my ass off. This is really

funny that, oh, here we go. What's the film that you found this sexiest and you can't say about it one of the I mean, look, there's there's obviously there's all kinds of sexy moments in movies that are blatantly sexy. Betsy russell seducing Matthew Modine in private school, just total teen comedy. And Christy Hartberg dancing towards the pay phone

in Um super Vixens in the Halter Top. But there's a scene in an old Humphrey Bogart movie called The Big Sleep and at Dorothy Malone, she just has one scene she's the bookshop girl, and it's it's it's it's it's a very sexy scene because it's all about she like takes her glasses off and she when she has her glasses on. She's the most gorgeous woman you've ever fucking seen. Why is that? Like, why didn't you have

to take her cut ta glasses off? But she takes her glasses off and kind of lets her hair out to kind of seduce Humphrey Bogart and she does this little thing. She's coming come behind him, and she's just kind of like that. It's this little gesture. And it just to see that in a nineteen forty five black and white film, this very physical, very like just human heat coming off of a person, but in black and

white is so goddamn startling. It's still that moment is like, oh okay, all right, yeah, what the just watching this goddamn Humphrey book right moving? I gotta I gotta pause it for like maybe ten minutes and take a look.

And there's also there's a similar scene in a movie called Phantom Lady around this I think maybe that was nineteen forty one, but there's an actress named Ella Rains and there's a scene where she has to seduce Elijah Cook Jr. Who's playing this jazz drummer and he's basically drumming while he's watching her and she's like kind of moving to the drumbeat, and it's basically it's just an it's like a he's jerking off while he's like they snuck it into this nineteen four the way it shot,

it looks like he's like jerking off while she and she's so god damned hot. And because it's not that she's naked or like, it's that she is you know what, I want to fuck you like, it's that I'm deciding when when when an intelligent woman is turned on and interested in you. That is so much more of a turn on than just a nude body lit with you know, blue gels and stuff like that. There's more like, oh my god, I've actually engaged this person. I me only fuck,

how did I do that? So that, to me, that's what always turns me on in movies. That's great, honest, Well, Patton, there's a subcategory to this question. Oh, traveling byton is worrying why don't? And it's a film you found a rousing that you thought perhaps you shouldn't. Oh blue Oh that you were like, I don't think that was meant to be sexy, but I found it sexy right right, Exactly, You're like, Oh, I don't know if that was supposed to be. Yeah, I gotta say there's a there's a

movie called The Honeymoon Killers. The only movie that was ever directed by this guy, Nam Leonard Castle, and it was Martin's Kross says, his first directing job, and he got fired because he shot for two weeks but he was being so artsy, FARTSI and pretentious and he says this, he goes, I was trying to do all these complicated mattress shots. I've been hired to do an exploitation movie, The Honeymoon Killers, with Tony Lobianko, and I'm Shirley Stoller.

Shirley Stoller is supposed to play and it's based on a real these real life murderers, the Lonely Hearts Killers, and she plays this nurse, this overweight, kind of mean, you know, pissy nurse who was just like man and she falls in love with this guy, Tony Law and they lure lonely women and they kill them their money. And Shirley Stoller is She's supposed to be playing kind of this repellent, unpleasant woman, but there is something about

her performance. And also she plays a similar character in a movie called Seven Beauties where she plays a Nazi camp commandant, like a irma greis type this, you know, she wolf type. You're watching an actor it's so comfortable in their skin that I don't know what it is about. Those two movies especially, are such a turn for me. When when she is in Seven Beauties and her man's boxer shorts smoking a cigar with her hair just knotted back, no attempt at being hot, You're just like, why the

fuck is this turning me on so much? I should not be gone, damned turn done by this woman who is openly playing like this monster. Yeah, but I don't know what it is about. But Shirley Stoler is something about her man that's nice. Now, like you like a woman name, it's comfortable. Who's comfortable. But also like clearly in Seven Beauties, like when he's trying that the guy is trying to seduce her, and it's very clear that I'm probably just gonna fuck this guy and then kill him.

I'm just bored. And there's something really weirdly seductive about Oh my god. Oh yeah, believe I'm saying this, but yeah, it's just oh god, you know said if you're having sex and knowing that you're gonna be killed at the end of it, then yeah, okay, I'll take it. That's great. Six and you'll try and make it last. The point is this next question, Oh God, what is objectively the greatest film of all time? No, your favorite objective? Right,

the pinnacle of cinema? What is it? I'm going to just because because I just watched it again recently and I did a deep dive reading about it objectively, I would say Casablanca because it wasn't made under oh we are going to me. It was just let's shoot this in two weeks. It was another one of Michael I think He's shot like four movies that year. Everyone else was on contract. They had a pretty okay it was. It was a known stage play. It wasn't great. Can

we do something? And they somehow under all these horrible conditions, and half of the cast were refugees fleeing Hitler's Europe and Hitler was still had not lost yet, and they made this blatantly anti used what should have been just a throwaway melodrama and ended up making this movie that said so much about democracy and humanity and sacrifice and love of and and but none of it was shot, none of it was made under the conditions of we

are making something. Really, it was like these were people showing up to work and out of all of their professionalism and creativity they made a movie that does not have a bad scene. It like, to me, that is like the magic of moviemaking, when you show up to work and then out of the work comes a masterpiece, you know, like and look, the Citizen Kane is a great movie. But they knew they were doing something amazing, and sometimes there is this feeling of like, you're welcome,

We're giving you something amazing here. Casa Blanca is like we hope you're entertained. There's some kissing and there's some shooting, but so much Oh my god, there's something not just jokes, but look, but dialogue that is now just part of our vernacular that it's just put like is used for shorthand for things. So that kind of to me, that is objectively the greatest movie ever made. Correct, Oh, thank you? Oh I got it right? Yes, what is the what is the film that you could or have? What's the

mist iver and Iver? Again? I think with me it's a tie between Murder on the Orient Express, Albert Finney or Midnight Run, Nice Midnight Run. Another movie where just yeah, it's a fun, you know, chase movie with gangsters and stuff. But then there's all these little moments that don't need to be in there, that are there that oh, this is gonna make me cry. I almost get I always

get teared up when two moments. One when after he sees his ex wife and then they borrow the car and Charles Grodan is in the passenger seat and he tucks Charles Groden's overcoat into the door the way he would probably tuck his wife's because his wife's like, we're it's a very big night tonight, I'm going out. So he's subconsciously thinking, oh, that's what I would have done if I was taken up for a special night, and he tucks that in. And then also the moment at

the end talk about things make me cry movies. The whole movie. De Niro's like, you're just a paycheck. I could give a fuck what you did, so I don't care that whatever. Fine, you're just you're just money. I'm just taking you in. And that thing at the airport where they bring them out and he says to Trusty, he just get behind me, just stand behind it, like I'm going to protect you now. And it's just a little gesture, but oh so good. I just love it

so much. And then also the moment when he goes up to Jimmy Serrano m the Gangster and he's like, there's something I've wanted to say to you for nine years, and you're thinking it's gonna be like, fuck you, motherfucker. He goes what said, He goes, You're under arrest. Just that's it, That's that's all your worth. The minutes is so fu I love it. Yeah, so I got I've seen that movie so many times. I like that. We now, listen, here's a thing we don't like too negative, so we'll

do it fairly swiftly. But okay, what's what's the worst film you've ever seen? I'm taking into account all films are IMPLUSIB yeah, oh yeah, yeah, it's that's a hard thing, because yes, I know films are hard to make. Him

blah blah blah. I think one of the worst films I've ever seen, just in terms of um, you could just feel everyone just kind of giving up while they make it, If that makes sense, is unfortunately m Batman and Robin and you know, there are a lot of talented people in that movie, but there's a lot of moments, and this the one that really stands out to me is when George Clooney, who I think is a terrific actor and and Bruce Wayne, is dedicating the observatory in Gotham.

And if you watch George Clooney's hands, he's standing at a railing and he's like, and my father said that with this, Gotham can then look to the stars. And he's just like kind of drumming on the rail, like, ah, fuck this movie. Like he's doing the equivalent of like when someone's hugging you and then they pat you on the back like we're not I'm not hooking up with you. Like like he's literally patting the movie on the back

like I'm not. Just it's really not like and and but it's almost to his credit that he realized halfway through, Oh yeah, this doesn't fucking this isn't working. I'm just gonna That little moment to me just so took me out of the movie and it made me tired. Like you felt everyone's exhaustion on that movie, and everyone showed up. They tried. You know, Schwarzenegger tries every movie he does,

he shows the fuck up. He came in weeks early, tried on every goddamn mister Freeze outfitted make up tests, and Uma, Thurman fucking showed up. And that's all for not it's just for nothing. And that little when he's tapping that little rail, You're like, oh god, this movie. I don't know why that moment has haunted me, because you realize you will every movie we show up to.

We do. You want it to be good, but you're going to show up to some project, a TV show or a movie where you're like, Okay, we just gotta get this over with. Yeah, we just gotta get this over with. What the fuck am I gonna do? You know? Oh, you know that's in your future. Oh I'm sure you have. I'm sure you've had a little like I just want

to we're just tapping around now, got this done. I've always found that the jobs that were like that were always, say often where you made the strongest friendships because you're surviving it. You're just like, oh my god, yeah, you you bond so well when you're when you're in a movie, that's going really well and you feel like it's good. It's nothing you don't because like, I'm really good friends

with Charlie's. But it wasn't like let's go get fucked up every now because you're like, no, I want to show up tomorrow and doing a good work. Yeah, there's there's other movies we're like, we may as well just go drinking. I mean, this is it's fun enjoy ourselves

on this. There's apparently what's the movie Beckett with Richard Harris and Peter Tool where I think there's a scene where they gotta put the puts the ring on him and they had to like speed the film up because they were both trembling so much because all they would do is just go drinking. And like Beckett wasn't even

a bad movie, but they're just like fuck this. So I'm sure there's a lot of movies where clearly people apparently if you watch Empire Strike Back, which is a great movie, but I'm sure as an actor those movies could not have been that much fun to be in

because it's more about the special effects. When Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher first get to the Cloud City, they're apparently way too smiley and giggly because they had stayed up all night the night before they went over to Eric Idols and we're drinking and doing coke, and then Mick Jagger showed up and they went, well, our call time is seven, let's just keep going, and they just should. They they just kind of showed up high and they just did the scenes. Great. Yeah, right, like I fucking

way as well. The movie is not about us, it's about the goddamn spaceship. And then you know, it's kind who gives a shit? So yeah, like that kind of feeling. You're right, Yeah, it's it's the bad experiences where you end up going, oh my god, we became the best

of friends because it was yeah, it'll be friends for that. Yeah, I knows, because you have that sort of secret because you're you're not really allowed to talk about it, right, you so have no And isn't it great later on when you guys are doing the press tour and you have to well, I mean, you know, when you work on a movie like this, it's it's just a me every day is like, and you're all going to look each other like the fuck are we doing? God? Yeah,

it's the best. Yeah, you're gonna go do the work. But listen, luck luckiest paper in the world. Oh my god, I'm never you can't. I remember I was doing Um, I've done a lot of movies with Owen Wilson. Or he would always come on set and go like he would do this fake He's like another day, another dollar. You know, who's the shop steward here? God damn, Like he would act like he's having to go work, like a job at a tire store. It would crack me up so much. Great Pan, you have been incredible, Dre

and I'm grateful. However, you when you went for your thirty fourth course tasting the h the Laundry, Dirty Laundry, the French launds, Dirty Laundry, you went to remember you had you had dinner at the what the what did the laundry hamper? Do you remember the famous restaurant the Dirty Laundry, and you went there. You were with Bradbird, christmin Olan, Paul Thomas Hansen. Yeah, you're having a lovely time.

And Paul was like, we're going to play back aact later, all back to mine of the grade that you were like yeah, yeah, and everyone was like they got to the last because they were like, everyone's like, you know what, I'm stuffed. I don't need this mocker crystal egg. But you were like, I got this, and you ate the egg. Listen, you were trying to impress I get it. The crystal broke off, sliced up, you, dear throw you started choking and bleeding weirdly. Nolan just stared at you, sort of

making calculations of some kind. Who was the other one, Paul Thomas Anderson and Bradbird. Bradbird started took his phone out under table and he started making notes like just observing this, and Paul Thomas Anderson just did a few for drawing of it, and and you. But you were looking at them or like I appreciate you're all, you know, seeing art in this, but I am dying. But you couldn't say this because because I think anyway, you choked, you you fell on the ground and you you bled

to death. But because you're also a comedian, they thought, and maybe that was a bit. He was doing a bit. Maybe he's doing a bit all back to mine, we'll go play back around. So they left you there thinking he's committing to this bit. He's not getting up anyway. I haven't ha in patterned in a while, and you know you and I always talk. I'm I haven't had him in a while. So I go to the restaurant the rest of the dirt, and it's been shut down because of the name Dirty Laundry. It turned out it

wasn't very popular. Years have passed. I've got into this now banned in building and I find this table to table clop over it. I put up a table, cluf you're there. I've rotted corpse, You've been eaten by rats. Stuff's growing out of you. I said, absolutely not y. I brought a coffin that was your size, but I wasn't expecting all these growths and shit that's on w So I had to chop you out with an old axe I found. I'll put you in the coffin. I have to stuffer in the coffin, right, But there was

more of you than I was expecting. The coffin is absolutely round. There's only enough room in this coffin that I can slip one DVD in the side with you. You can take across to the other side. Now on the other side, it's movie night every night. One night it's going to be your movie night. What film are you taking to show everyone in heaven when it's your movie night? Pans, Oh, if it's movie night in Heaven,

I'm going to get to show people a movie. Yeah, and you present it and everything, you know, A movie I would take with me. I would take, God damn it, I would take Smoking the Bandit movie night in Heaven. I would take Smoking the Bandit because that's that's the summer. Star Wars came out, Saturday Night Fever, all these like, but then Goddamn Smoking the Bandit. It was like this reminder of like cinema is also can be the most fun, goofy,

kind of loose. There's there's scenes that here's what's weird. Everyone thinks they're smoking the man is some dumb, goddamn redneck moonshine or chase thing. But there's sequences with Bert and Sally Field that were clearly improvised. They just let's

just let the camera and let these two talk. And so in the middle of this very fun chase movie with Jackie Gleeson being goddamn hilarious and Um Jerry Um sang sang the theme song, I'm blanking on his name come to me in the second, but they're like doing this Altman shit in the middle of It's such a weird microcosm of this is nineteen seventies America, and we just captured it on Jerry Reid is the Snowman's We just captured it on film, just for a second when

there was there was a time when things were just kind of casual and fun and Jimmy Carter's president and America is actually kind of relaxing with itself and just kind of going all right, you know, maybe we're not number one, but we can you know, we can still be nice to people. I don't know, there was just something kind of fun about it. We could be a code number two. Yeah, okay, a co number exactly, if

we could be a cool number two. So bringing that attitude up to heaven going yeah, there were some nice moments in America. That's a wonderful answer, Patton. Yeah, you have been joining a delight Before we say goodbye. Is there anything you would like to tell people to watch other than I Love Everything, which I think is your new st Do you have anything well, I mean, I mean, if you're talking about my own stuff. Ap Bio is

on Peacock. But again, and I know you're stick of hearing this from me, Goddamn ted Lasso on Apple TV. I literally think if people would fucking watch the show, it would make the world better. You would actually treat people better if you watch this show, and you'd also, by the way, you'd laugh your ass off. You would laugh your ass off, and especially Brett, who is amazing

in it. Oh god, yes, I'm telling you. Every every celebrity I know if when they watched the scene of you going down the red carpet, everyone's all gonna suit you go. Yes, God damn it, I want to do that so badly. That was you got to live the fucking dream. Oh how much do I owe you for this? You owe you? Don't you owe me eight more seasons of ted Lasso? That's what you owe me? Okay, God damn it. Pat knows what an absolutely, what a fucking dream you are. Thank you very much for doing this.

I really appreciate your time, and it's been a lot of it. I want to I want this goddamn COVID to end so I can come over to London and we can either watch movies or you come visit us and you and I can just go on a crazy movie binge or something. I'll take you to. I'll take you to Tarantino's screening room. I don't I don't mind dropping a name. I'll take you to a screen and we'll watch a fucking movie. Yeah. Way do you hear that guy's insights on movies? You're just like, what the fuck?

Oh my god, I I he's one of those guys when you watch a movie with afterwards you're like, I don't think I've ever really watched a movie. If that's how you movies, Holy shit, that's great. Yeah, all right, well we've got I've got that on tape, so good hold you to it. Let's go and do a gig together. I'll take you too. I'll take you to a absolute shit out in London. We'll have a great time. You will love it. I want I want to do I want to do a fucking one night or out in

the Cotswolds, way out in my country or something. I want to do it. I want to do a u oh god, now I'm blanking on it too. What's the classic one of the greatest movie British movies ever made? With Richard Grant and Um and I with Nail, and I I want to do it with Nail. One of the greatest movies ever made. And okay, yeah, all right, Patton, I'm going to start the recording. I thank you so much, Brett, thank you. Bast was attempers a contact that he was as Bast that he was at