Helen Bauer • Films To Be Buried With with Brett Goldstein #222

it's a good film. You can just enjoy it. You'd have to be like it was so difficult to get you got it, and look you instinctively understood it. So why are you making such a thing a bit? Yeah? Okay, wow, fascinating argument. Thank you, Benjamin spot. Every week I invite a special guest over. I tell them they've died. Then I get them to discuss their life through the films that meant the most of them. Previous gifts include Jenkins,

Kevin Smith, Sharon Stone, and even Clad Planballs. But this week it is the brilliant comedian, actor, writer podcast at and all round hero. It's Helen Bauer. Head over to the Patriot at patreon dot com forward Slashbrett Goldstein, where you get an extra twenty minutes of chat secrets. We talked, beginnings and endings, all sorts of stuff. You get the whole episode, uncut and ad free and as a video. Check it out over at patreon dot com forward Slashbrett

Goldstein along with all the others shit that's there. So Helen Bauer, Helen Bauer. Oh, Helen Bower is a brilliant stand up. If you've never seen her, you must go and see her do stand up. She's fucking funny. She's got her own podcast, Trustee Hogs. She's funny as fun I've known her for a few years now. We recorded this one Zoom the other day. She's so funny. I really loved this one, and I think you will. I hope everyone as well. So that is it for now.

I very much hope you enjoy episode two hundred and twenty two of Films to be Buried With. Hello, and welcome to Films to be Buried With. It is me Brett Goldstein, and I am joined today by a producer, a writer, a actor, a podcaster, a filmmaker, a YouTube maker, a series generator, a legend, and most of all, an incredible stand up comedian and sometimes scatcho. Maybe who knows. Let's find out. Please welcome to the show. It's the one in Ali. It's Helen bar Yeah. Wait, what have

I ever produced? Listen? Helen Bower the first time? I think we maybe met before it, but you know, I don't know how long ago it was. But you know, when people always look, people ask me, yeah, have you got any advice? You got any advice? And I always say, make your own ship. That's the only advice I can

give anyone, make your own ship. Yeah. Yeah. A perfect example of this because years and years ago you contacted me and said I'm making an entire series of anything, and you made it YouTube and you asked me to be in it and I said yes, and it was brilliant and you made it completely yourself with Michael but as in you clearly had no money and there was no wait, how obvious was the fact I had no money? But like, you made a harding TV show and I'm like,

that's it, that's what you do. Me and Michael Russ did make an entire TV show. We did. We thought we were being geniuses and I was We're both working in retail at the time, but he was an amazing writer and I was like, Okay, I'm going to sort this out. So we found an office that our friend's uncle owned and used it at the weekends to film show. It was a great time. I was twenty two, though, and very overambitious. But why the fun I love that? But you know we met before, Yeah, we did meet before.

We know each other from before. Yeah, do you know exactly why? Though? Because I was the tech of Britain's best Friends in The Joker in two thousand and nine, Britain's Best Mates was best Mate with the Esto Characters show that I directed that I would describe as one of the great underrated gems of my back catalog. They were so fucking funny. That show was so fucking good

and nobody saw it. It was so funny. It was so ridiculous, Like I remember the bit where he just shows the vein in his arm because he was so pale, so vividly, so vividly. But it was also such a good lesson. It was my first time I'd ever been

at fringe. I was teching in the joke, which doesn't even exist anymore, and I remember going, there can be something amazing and they can still have horrible experience of debts, you know, because I remember one day I think you might have been there and they hied around that they're in the back right so they don't know who's coming in and the lights are quite bright and the audience were you one of their mums and Lisa Scott Lee from Stats And it was like ten minutes into the

hour long show and clearly one of them had dipped under the lights and I'd realized what was happening like and went, wait a second, we can't perform this to our director, our mom and Lisa Scott Lee from Stats. And I was in the booth. I was eighteen, and I was like, I don't know what to do. I mean, they're funny boys. That was a funny show that they were. They deserved so much more of that. Edinburgh agreed, but

it also shot Yeah, you're right. I mean, I don't know, it's a good it's a nice lesson, but it just shows you that you can make really good ship and no one can care totally. This is the thing you can. It's just constantly throwing shit at the water. You just got to wait for the stickier ship. Yeah, that's it, And like not all like ships are sticky. That's the famous thing about shit. Some are slipperies, some a liquid

like you don't know what you're going to get. Well, the thing with the ship, it's just sometimes it's not the right time for your ship. Sometimes you shit. Sometimes your ship's your ship sticky, it's just early or it's late. Oh my god, you're right, that's what I think, as in I think that show is a perfect eample brita

spemas I think was a genuinely brilliant show. But maybe it was a couple of years ahead of the conversation about masculinity and all that shit, or it was a couple of years behind something, who knows, but the time for it. The ship wasn't sticky on the day of release, but it was sticky shit. This is like an amazing metaphor for all art. Like every every ship is destined to be the one that like makes the toilet bowl what it is. But some don't make it to the

toilet bowl. Some just get in your pants. Some make it to the woods, but don't get out of the woods, like yeah, And sometimes you're not expecting it. I'm going so fast down the bowl you don't even see him. And sometimes it's just a fart and you didn't realize the ship was there. Yeah, it was just an idea. But the next thing you know, you pull down your pants and it's full of shit and you had no

idea it was coming. And then sometimes it's just a vague idea and it's just turtle heading out of your anus, like I'm here, like I'm present, I've got something for you, but not quite ready to let go. You're not ready for it yet, You're not I don't think you're ready for this ship. As Destiny's Child were probably really saying, oh my god, I think there's a book in this yeah,

with illustrations obviously, Yeah, in your illustrations, I'm assuming. And then and then, like Britain's Best Mates would have been like the plug shit that was holding in, like the pizza you had the night before. So you know, sometimes when there's like a little pood that then allows everything else to fall out of you. So like Britain's Best Mate, it was like I think it was a bit early toxic masculinity wise, We're going to do that as the angle and that was like the plug. But then that

storm led to Ted Lasso. Wow, I mean wow. Just in case it's not clear, because Britain's best mates are directed Jamie Glass and were the stars of it and they were in and and friends with Lisa Scott Lee. Yeah, and friends with Scott Lisa. I don't want any of this to sound like a negative on that show. The show was phenomenal and they were phenomenal. Yeah, the ship was too early. They shipped themselves too soon. That's what Lisa Lisa when they called the showut t she's too soon.

I'm not ready for this. I remember her saying it, and it's really stayed with me throughout my journey to becoming a stand up comedian. Now let's talk about that. So you've just well, you've just done, You've just had. I get I wasn't at Edinburgh this yet, but from the press, and who knows what his real life. From the press, it seems you had an excellent Edinburgh. Was it excellent to experience or was it a name? I had a nice second hour, what can I say? But

I also feel like I've cheated. I've cheated Edinburgh because I did my first hour and then the world lockdown, so I got to be like the nominated newcomer for like three years. So I was exciting a new for so long. But it also meant I had so long to write my second show, so I wouldn't say I've had that normal experience of like you do an hour and then you do another hour, then you do another hour,

because I've just had so many breaks. Yeah, so it makes sense, and I do you think the critics tend to turn against you on your second hour, But because there was such a long gap, they probably felt like, oh, they forgot, they forgot, they forgot. They were like, this is her sixth hour. Yeah, yeah, they like the sixth hour. That's great. Oh I'm glad you had fun. I heard it was a tough one, but I had a nice show. I had a fun show and I had a nice

but oh it was a tough one. But I was also in like a really small venue, so like you know when you're like in a venue where everyone's like, oh my god, you've sold out, You've made it, and then you're talking to people and you're like, oh my sellout. Capacity is when yours is half old. Yeah. Yeah, So like the illusion was that I was crushing it, but the reality was that we were selling out when forty five tickets has been sold, that I'm a genius. No,

it wasn't smart. The venue was a bad choice to me because I wanted to do originally a show about my German heritage, but the room they put me in was Bunker two. So we decided, no, it's two tense, isn't it. Yeah, yeah, because but there's things. Most of the rooms in Edinburgh are named a little bit like third Reich awful, messy, Like even in a pleasant courtyard, you've got three bunkers, you've got an attic, you've got a cellar. Yeah. So it's like it's quite tricky to

place people like me the shower. Yeah yeah, really dark, it's rough. It's rough out there. It's out there. So go on tell me. You seem to have something on your mind. I just have to tell you because I'm about to like lose my mind with joy. About twelve hours ago, I've got a trip to Disney World. Fucking shit,

that's incredible. I'm dying. I'm literally dying, Brett. I cannot handle this like I have wanted to go since I think before I was born is the happiest place there don't and I've already got so much much like this is my turning red cap. I'll put it on for you like I have everything already and I just I've never been. It's never been like an option. I've been to Paris, but like you know, but this is my moment. I'm going to Florida. Can you believe it? When are

you going? I'm so excited to you January beginning of January? Oh incredible as well? Then it won't be rand Who are you going with? Okay, this is the risk. I don't know how you're going to react to this. Jordan Brooks, that's so funny, so funny. Snil Patel and a friend of mine who's an actor called Gwyneth Keyworth who's currently in to Kill a Mockingbird but she's going to be finished by then, so we were messaging booking it while she was at the interval playing Scout, like I feel like,

what do you think of the mix of people? Though, because I'm worried about Jordan's snail, because that's why I invited Gwyneth because I was worried they're going to be a bit ironic. Yes, well, yes, yeah, A real balance you've got there, You've got a real balance of joy and yeah. I think I really want you to make a video documentary of the entire trip. Oh yeah, yeah. The little I know and love about Jordan Brooks's he has a great silliness and joy and love. Oh yeah.

And I think that he may arrive at Disney World with a sneer, but he will leave with tears in his eye and the biggest smile on his face and say, do you know what's the happiest place? Yes, I got. It's like you can see what I'm envisioning. Because I was thinking about, so I called Sanila and Jordan the Little Princess. I was thinking about before I go, getting gifts for the little Princess so they can wear matching outfits.

So like Sanil and Jordan could like have a little matching like because I've got like two goofy movie T shirts. That's my power line one. I'm showing you now, thank you. And I think like if I could dress them up matching and get them ears and just take them straight to like a really magical princess meat. I think that could be a good Like just in the deep end, you've got to swim, You've got to buy into this. I don't know. I think they will. I think I

think it's undeniable when you're there. I think it's quite hard. It's like mappets and stuff. Quite it's quite hard to maintain synthesis. Yeah, you sort of get broken down pretty quickly. I think, agreed, And I think they're sort of like trying to make out they don't really give a shit, but they definitely do. And all the things they haven't actually booked he yet, Me and Gwyneth a book twelve

hours ago. They're booking tonight because Jordan's coming over for a sleepover and I'm going to Leicester, So I just I'm going to log it. I'm for sure going to log it on like Instagram story because I think it is important to like for toxic masculinity, I guess partly, but also just for like, yeah, just for the world in general. I think people who are struggling with the cost of living crisis and they really want to see for absolute spoiled brats spending their hard end cash mainly

earned through Patreon on a trip to Disney World. I think it's a perfect solution to everyone's problem. Really good. I love that. I mean, have you been you know what. I haven't been for a very long time, but I have been more than once and it is the best. Certainly I haven't been in I need to go again. But it is truly magnificent. This is the thing. It's going to be so much better than last time you went.

Because I watch all the vlogs, like that's my favorite thing to do as Disney vlogs, and like Batwo is open, so the whole Star Wars Land, like Epcot World Showcase, looks so good. Like obviously Disney's Animal Kingdom has a full Avatar section. You can do a Navi river journey like it's incredible. And Hollywood Studios now has the Guardians of the Galaxy ride. Yes please, yes please. This episode is sponsored by Disney World Disney for Oh your Disney

needs you. Fuck. I've forgotten to tell you something. No, and it's hard, man, I actually don't want to tell you this because of your trip. You are No, this is one of them. No, Helen Bower, you've died. No, No, not so such bullshit it's a real Obama. But bring me back, bring me back, bring me back. Let's see how we go. How did you die? Can I just go suddenly? That's all I want. I want to do? But how suddenly? What happened? My friend sa Neil, we

sort of made a plan. We're both single and we lived together, and he went, if you're still single when you're forty, I'll put a bolt in the back of your head. And I think it's quite nice because it's so quick, like a cow. That's what they do with cows, right, yeah, like a big like a big cow. Yeah, line you up, bolting the back of the head. He's a minister. Yeah, you know what. It's the first cow related death. And I also, I think it's a great idea. I don't

want to feel anything. I want it to be so sudden. There's something about it being a bolt rather than say a bullet, a gun. Oh no, not a bullet. I don't want to endorse gun violence. A bolt is very different. It seems it feels cleaner the bolt, like it feels like there's not going to be a spray. It's just a great goes through this girl, but nothing popping out the other end, you know what I mean. Agreed, that's

a lovely idea. Agreed. And also is it illegal if he says that he's confused between me and a cow. If he says he's a farmer, is it illegal? Is it illegal? Prove if he's wearing barber can he go down? We don't know. If he's got farming equipment and he says he's a farmer, where's the crow? That's so genius, it's really Yeah, that's how I want to go. Then at forty, I don't know. Maybe just because they're not, i'd be an. I don't like anticipation. I'd be anticipating

it for the next ten years. What if it's any time after your forty and it was surprised, m it would be nice because then I would never have to think about pensions or what they are. I don't think. Yeah, well if if it's if it's getting out before pension, then then you could hang on until your sixties. Couldn't you spend how much you're into life? I guess I like it. I like living, Yeah, I don't. I don't

think it's a bad thing. And maybe give yourself a different deadline than the forty that does seem young, but I nearly just said I'm pro life. Yeah yeah, I'm going to say, let's just say around around my forties and we'll just leave it there, Okay, okay, yeah, well then leave it with Snila. I guess it's not really that's his choice. Yeah. Do you worry about death? I

don't really because I know what's going to happen. Yeah, I just I just don't want it to be long and painful for me or for people around, you know, I don't want my death to be scarring for someone. Yeah. No, I think Sania will move on quite quickly. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. He'll just chuck me in the garden

and let the nature take its course. So he's not even really going to bury you, just sort of leave you on top of the No, I think he'd actually give me to my sister because my sister's got into taxidermy now, so I have a feeling that's going to be my future. And then you'd be on the wall like hand solo. Yeah. Well, I think it's because Hampster is going to die soon and she wants to taxidermy it. So, like, I don't think it's going to be a good taxidermy job.

But like if that is my destiny, that's my destiny. Clean out the boat. I'll fill it up with yeah, stuffing. I don't know what's in there. Bit of phone, bit of phone. Probably leave you on a chair or what she pose you? Or oh I think i'd like to be on an arm chair. Yeah, yeah, I definitely don't want to be ahead just coming out of a wall, because I could imagine like being quite dusty, and i'd want to be watching a TV. I think sitting in front of the telly, one leg over the other or

both feel man spread absolutely like real like rat out vibes. Yeah, I feel like you're taking up a lot of space as a as a corpse with if you're man spreading no disrespect. Maybe that's what people I feel like you're just saying women shouldn't take up space dad or alive, and I think that's a borring to say. I think what I've always at this time and time, as much space as they can, except when they're dead. They need to make themselves very small, put them in the little

lady coffins and the little ladies cemetery. Yes, quite right, I'm just thinking I don't know the size of your sofa. I don't know how many people your sisters are having around. It's she's bringing up three guys on the three seats, and one of them is taken up with you, and you're man spreading, so you're one and a half cushions. Yeah, then I'm thinking maybe she goes. I always i'd closed their legs. When did you hear me say I'm not happy for living man to sit on my lap or

sit on my shoulders? Absolutely right. I didn't let you finish a sentence at some point, and maybe that's where it was headed. But living man, the living man needs to know what he's walking into. I think he needs a heads up come back to my my dead stuffed sisters on this sofa man's bedding. Yeah, but Brett, Babe, that's so tricky to bring up a conversation. It does not come up naturally. And I'm not saying as well,

isn't it God? So conventional to want the warning to just assume that the woman has to say if she's got a stuffed human in her house, and I don't think it's on her. I don't think it is on her. God, I'm old fashioned. Yeah, you should have to say anything. You really shouldn't just walking to deal with it. What do you think happens after you die? Not to your body?

We know where that's going, but I don't know. I thought I thought nothing happened, But then I watched Soul on Disney Pixar, and I got a bit confused because it made sense. It did make sense that like it goes into a body, and like I definitely have like seen animals where I've been like, oh, I feel like you were a person before and you're trying to tell me something. But it also might have been I keep going to the zoo like drunk or high and sort of like you know when you look at a lion

and you're like, what's your message? But it's just looking at you because it's trapped and miserable. Get me out, Get me out, get me out. But it's looking at me in a way I'm like, who are you? Like granny, grandpa?

But also I think I used to think nothing happened because my mum believes in ghosts, so it's very frightened growing up because she'd always be like, oh, Like I'd go into her room and be like, oh, I'm really scared there's a ghost in my room, and like you know her, most parents are like, no, no, you're just being silly. Go back. My mum would be like, oh, better say hello or it might go turn nasty. So I would feel like living in a constant state of stress,

still laughing because it's very traumatizing for me. Take me through this a little bit slower, No, because now I'm gonna back. He thought there were guys, Yeah, yeah, said you're not nice to the guys, they'll turn dark. Yeah, because because when okay, let me go down, because I'm getting nervous saying this, because I'm home alone and I scared someone's going to walk past me in the background and that will be it. So basically like my mom.

The first house I lived in when I was little, my mum said there was a nice man downstairs and a horrible woman upstairs, which is classic car. She doesn't really trust women, but she loved the odd band downstairs. And when she brought me home from the hospital, my brother home from the hospital, she'd be like, oh, this is this is Ted, this is Helen there, my baby, Please be nice to them, and then she would like keep us downstairs. The whole day because she didn't like

the lady at the top of the stairs. And she didn't tell any of her friends about this lady at the top of the stairs. But then one day two of her friends were over. They were a couple and the woman was at the top of the stairs and her husband called up like, oh, oh moe, she's gonna push you. She's gonna push you. And my mum was like, yep, that's it, we're moving. So we moved and we didn't have ghosts in the house for a while. But now my mum lives next to in a new build, next

to Fleet service station, and she's got ghosts again. Yeah, what are the guys now? And she doesn't know, but she's not scared of them. She just wants to know what they've got to say. So she's hired a woman called Tricia who was a medium specifically for the Fleet, Farnum and specific areas of North London. Yeah, yeah, listen, you come to the right place. I'm not you know,

I mean, I have questions, but I believe you. I'm scared of the old lady young the stairs too, me too, And can you see why my relationship with the afterlife is quite tricky because, like, I do think that there's something, but I don't want it to be that reality where people hang around with unfinished business and haunt certain spaces that they can't leave. Did we ever know what the

old lady was angry about? My mum literally even now, is still very cagy about the information about it, mainly because as I've become an adult, I've started questioning her on some of her beliefs, and we've had like my mum can't watch the film Titanic because it brings back too many memories for her because in a past life she was on the boat, and I have since questioned that in a way that wasn't very sympathetic. So we can't really discuss everything. Is your mum a medium herself?

Does she have a connection to the You never saw these guys? I didn't, but when I was younger I thought I did. But now I realized that an arrogance because the main ghost I saw was the ghost of Queen Victoria, which is just so arrogant. Yeah, I only saw ghosts that we'd learned about in school the week before. It feels a bit yeah, arrogant, But my mum thinks she has powers, and then she thinks that me and

my sister have powers, like we're in a lineage. It's it's I think it's a mental health problem, but we're just calling it witching. Yeah, do you think you have powers? Some Maybe you being stuffed and kept on the sofa isn't so silly after all, because it would make sense. Maybe your physical form will be there, but your ghost will actually also be sat inside you. But that's the thing. I don't want to be stuck there. I wouldn't mind visiting my body, but like I don't want to feel

trapped in one place. I wouldn't mind being reborn. I like that, and I like the idea that like that, that which really like wishy wash she'd been when you meet someone and you immediately have like a really good connection with them, like a really good friendship vibe. It's like, I bet we were in the trenches together. Yeah, Like like I like that. I don't know. We won, but we won the war again, we bloody want it. Didn't we even classic anyway? After Disney Soldiers? So um, yeah,

I think there's something, but I don't know what it is. Yeah, your mum is fascinating. Yeah, well, listen, your mum, and you listen. It's complicated. There is a heaven by the way, okay, I'll take care, and it's filled with your favorite thing. What's your favorite thing? Pizza? Okay, it's a pizza party every night in heaven. The seats are made of pizza, but they're not too hard to say one and stuff deep pan lovely not crusty song, and the screens made

of pizza. Everything smells of pizza. There are pizza people walking around. There's pizza on trades, pizza, pizza, pizza, and they're delighted to see all the pizza people. And they want to talk to you about your life. They're huge fans. They've seen everything you've ever done, and they've watched you from the top of the stairs and from the ground floor. Oh god, yes. They turns out the old lady was just a fan and she was to push the other lady out of the way because she couldn't see you

for a second. Anyway. They want to know about your life through film, weirdly, and the first thing they ask is what's the first film you remember seeing? Helen Power? Ben Hu, Wow, do you know what I don't think? Ben Hur has ever come up on this podcast in all these many, many many episodes. No, I don't know. I thought it was going to be a really basic answer because it's always on TV when you're growing onto twenty four seven on Monday, Monday, Ben Hard Time. Ben Please.

It's a great I mean, it's not like it's an okay film, a good film. I loved it. I can't guarantee it was the first film I ever saw, but it was the first film that I would come home from like play school and request Ben her like that was my go to. That was like, come home from playgroup, have a porridge and papple and watch the full of Benhir, like all the way to the leprosy colony, like the whole heart. What's the apple? But in a really cute way, It's a really cute apple. I was only four, I

was so little. That's really CUTEE watch Ben Hair. And I watched My Ben Hair with your sister. Nope, nope. My brother and sister were like, way more like, let's go play outside, and I was like, let's do the chariot race. What's your age? Rage with your brother and sister? May I ask? Oh, so, like, there's my brother's the oldest than two years than me, and then two years and my sister. I'm a I'm a very obvious middle I'm a middle oh an attention seeking little hall. Yeah,

thank you, thank you. What is the film that scared you the most, and do you like being scared? You're not a big fan of the old Lady at the top of the stairs. I'm not a big fan of the old Lady the top of the stairs. I've definitely got more comfortable with horror films in recent years. Like I laughed during Hereditary in the cinema, which is mad. I know I laughed. I've definitely like I've watched horror

films by myself recently and really enjoyed them. But when I was younger, it would be more things that I'd think I'd see later. But the scariest thing I ever saw was a Jim Gamble. I don't know whether this is a film, so I'm going to ask you because you might know. We had it recorded off the TV and a VHS tape and it was the Adventures of Peer Gint and it was Jim Gamble, who's this famous puppeteer, and it would be the story of Peer gint through Puppets.

I checked to see if it existed because before recording this, because I was worried that it was like a mental health blip or something I had when I was five. But it does exist. That used to terrify me. And if that isn't a film, then Practical Magic the Nicole Kidman which film Practical Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman. Yeah, yeah, I've seen Practical Magic. I saw it when when when I when I was little. I don't remember it being scary, but that's no judgment. I just say I don't remember

more of a romantic comedy with witches. I think it's because like everyone was like, oh, it's not a horror film, so we were allowed to watch it sleepovers very young. But I was fucking shitting myself because I've got this mother at home that's like, oh, we might be witches. We might be in a lineage of witches. And I was like, this is like a buyer pic of like I'm gonna when I fall in love, I'm gonna kill him.

Like but I thought it was terrifying. And I remember Emma Black's my best friend, and she lived like five doors down the road from me, and she loved it, and I always pretended I loved it. And I'm really worried that she'll hear this and be like you, liar. I was so frightened, so frightened. I didn't like all the spells I was Emma these days. Emma's great. Emma's put her first one bed flat. She's crushing it. Wow, good for you, Emma. Emma, Hey, hey, Emma, hope you're

he she loves so cute. It was so cute. Emma's so cute. It's mad. Okay, practical message, Okay, I listen like a scary puppet film. Honestly, give it a watch. I'd scrub forward to Green Hilda. It is horrifying, and I feel like my brother knew it scared me and would repeatedly put it on for that reason. Yeah. What about crying? What's the film that made you cry? Oh? I'm a big cry I cry for I cry constantly. I'd say I cry a little bit every single day.

I cried yesterday when I booked Disney World because I felt so overwhelmed of joy. I'm just constantly emotionally wrought. The song the score of this still makes me cry. Just the score, and it's the Winona Rider Little Women. Oh my god, I love that film oh so much. It's so good. And so Thomas Newman did the score for it, who's like the best, right, he did, like

Finding Nemo, it does everything. He's incredible. And there's a song on the score called Valley of the Shadow and it plays when I mean, you'll know this moment so well. So Beth's lying in her bed and Joe comes in and the wind goes outside the window and it's her soul leaving her body, and then Joe closes, it turns back. Beth is dead. And then you get the piano start playing really softly, which is so beautiful because that's Beth

thing the piano. And then you have Anna, who's like the housekeeper, coming in and she drops rose petals on Beth's dolls and then she holds one of the doll's hands and it drops down and it like I cannot handle it. It's so beautiful. It's a wonderful film. It's incredible. Oh, it's gorgeous. Apart from like Amy is such a dick, But that's not the film's fault. That's not that's Louis dude. I get it, dude. I get that she's growing up, but grow up faster. I'm sorry. The little woman's not

a big woman yet. Even when she's a big woman, she's a bit of a cump. Let's put it out there, okay, but you know by the end she's learned something. Don't be such a camp what go off of, Laurie? Thank God for Friedrich, so all I can say, thank God, Yeah, thank you fred What if I may Here's a film that you love. People don't like it. It's not critically acclaimed, but you Helen Bower love it, Mama Mia, but also all my friends love it as well. It's so good.

It's just joy. It's joy. You love it. I love it, Brett. I'm so glad you said that, because it's so joyful. The story is set up so quickly, you know what's going to happen, but we're all having fun with song and the costume and it's so frothy. I love it.

You know. Here's here's maybe what will happen to Jordan Brooks and Snil Patel in Disney World is that I was in Edinburgh and it was like we had a you know, I was doing a mixed show with Jerry Howe and Pat Bircher and on our one day off, and we were playing at the Phoenix, which is a venue which I would classify as not in Edinburgh. It was so far away from the main bit and it was like we had a tough year and it was fun, but it was tough and no one came and we

did this show in a fucking anyway. On our day off, one day off, instead of seeing shows, we went to see Mama Mire at the cinema in the afternoon. And perhaps we went we walked in ironically on our lad's day out. Perhaps I can't guarantee, but perhaps we thought, well, this will be funny, and we went and it was just a few old people and us in the cinema, and the first ten minutes we sat there and by the end we were crying and singing and thought it

was the best thing we'd ever seen. Are you talking about the moment the film changes, which isn't the Winner takes at all. It's slipping through my fingers all the time when Merrill is singing that to Amanda. But for me, the song that gets me is right at the end, when all is said and done, you know, when it's like, here's to us one more toast and then we'll pay the bill. I'm like, what a perfect, a perfect button

on the end of this one. It's gorgeous. I saw it in the Basingstoke View Amazing Cinema highly recommends a lot of memories there with my cousin Sophie, and she

had already seen it about three times. By the time we went to the cinema and seen it, it'd been out two weeks and she's basic as and she was bawling the whole way through it because she knew what was coming and she couldn't handle knowing that Merril was going to be on the side of that cliff, singing the winner takes at all and just being depairing all yeah with a scarf, which is a mad choice when your daughter's about to get married in like three minutes.

She's got so many steps to climb. But she's like, I do have time for the full number. I will do the full number, and I'm definitely going to do a lot of work with this scuff, which no one expected. I think this guf is really putting in a shift. I'd say, okay, you know what that's where we differ. I believe it's the wind that that is. I think it's audience. That's the beauty of Meryl Street there. She

makes it look effortless. You think it's the wind, but I'm going, that's oh Meryl, she's clapping that scarf doing all the work. There was no wind. It was a set. I would love it if she created the wind just with her power and we were like, wow, in amazing. What's a film you used to love but you don't love it anymore. You've watched it recently and it has changed for you or you have changed. I think every the world has changed, society has changed, and it's Charlie

and the Chocolate Factory, the original one. Whoa, whoa, whoa, What's what's that done to you? I just think it's fucking bullshit. How about that? I think the whole thing is mental. No one's likable in it. My main problem with it. How about this? How the fuck does Augustus Gloop not win that chocolate factory? He knows Chucky, he loves it, he's invested in the world, and the fat boy gets chucked out in Room one. That's mental. Yeah,

does Charlie Buckett know about chocolate? What the fuck? Augustus scloop crime is number one. He loves it too much because the best line in the film, they're all Augustus scloopers when he wins the first golden ticket and Slugworth is like whispering in his ear, and the interviewer goes, you found the first golden ticket? How does it feel? And he goes hungry, like oh, but his crime is

in room one. He starts drinking the river of chocolate and his mum is like Augustus Darling saves something room for later. But he can't stop drinking because he's like got some solar compulsive overeating disorder, and he falls in and he gets up in the pipe to the thud room. But that's not a crime. The boy was hungry. No arguments here. You make a very powerful point or gust the scoop should have the chocolate. Factually, what is Charlie now about chocolate? He's had a couple of sweets in

his time. One man suffer in a little chocolate bar. He's not an expert. You're absolutely right, no fucking clue what he's doing. Number falling apart in a week. How does Mike TV make it to room four, seeing as the characters only attribute is that he's wearing a cowboy hat and theoretically likes TV in same Yeah, his problem is but he stopped to come to the factory. This is the thing. It's such a big problem. Also, let's talk about the songs in it. For Rucasalt famous song,

I want to feast, I want a bean feast. What's a bean feast? Well, you know a bean feast where you have baked beans on top of rannaby A bean feast, you know, the feast of beans, runner beans, beans and baked beans all makes to the stew kids. I'm sorry the film does not stand up in the cold light of day when you think about it as a business and running a fact. I'm sorry. It's Gloops and it should have been and you don't. I know, I'm livid. I mean, that's not even mentioning the Olympas who have

been stolen from their home landing used to slaves. But I didn't want to bring that up. But that is another thing that I think needs to be discussed at some point. Yeah, I hope that when Gloop takes over, he at least pays them. I think he would That's the thing with Gloop. He's there for the food, not for the inequality. And I think he was very clear about that from day one. Because gloup Us so organically found the ticket. You know, he's not a brat like

he He genuinely likes Wonka that much. Yeah. God, that's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's about that a lot. What's the film that means the most to you? Not because it's any good necessarily, but because the experience you had when seeing it always makes it special. So I've only seen it once since the time I saw it, but I was like twenty four or something, and it was a very poignant time in my life. And it's Victoria. Do you know it? It's a German film. I think one of

the your term greats. Really love the one shot two and a half half film. Yes, listen, La Custer, who plays Victoria, is in the show that I kind of created, Soulmates, And the reason she's in that is because of Victoria. Because I was like, fucking air, we gotta get Are you fucking kidding? I'm serious? That's why I love that film. I think it's incredible. I need to do better research in my Lifetime. Oh my god, I wasn't bringing that up to them, be like, oh my god, we both

love the same film. That great Okay. I was living in Berlin at the time. So I lived in Berlin for about three years, and I was a bit yeah boy, yeah, Hallucian, I'm working. I started, I started stand up in Germany. Yea, I'm going to blin in like two days. I love it. Yes, amazing,

I'm Victoria. Well no, I did not have that experience, but I was going out club in constantly then because my job for a while when I first moved there was I was like a party tour guide and I would take people out drinking, like around Vashawer Skrasa and like be like, oh, we're gonna go to this club this. So I was constantly in those clubs with like I don't know, and then I hadn't really been to the

cinemas inside moved there. Maybe i'd seen inside out, but like hadn't really done anything like that, and like was definitely like I moved with a friend and it took a while to find my group there and to make friends because you're in a new city, right, So it's

a bit like at odds. And also I was like trying to figure out exactly where I wanted to do with my life because I hadn't started to stand up yet, but I'd feel like I'd done loads of things stand up adjacent and just hadn't bitten the bullet and gone for it, you know. And I was trying to figure

out what I wanted to do. And I went to see it and it was like a really early morning show and we're talking like nine am at like movie mental like when those tiny, tiny little keno's, and I was like, oh my god, Like this is obviously not me at all. But I know this world. I know these streets that this person is walking down all by themselves and just sort of like someone saying like yes to different things. And like, for some reason, even the mention of the film is like say no and walk away.

At the beginning, I was like, I need to say yes and have more adventures in my life. But it really struck a chord. And I don't know why, because it doesn't make sense that that was the one apart from the fact it was the same city. Well, it makes perfect sense. You were you were alone there, right were you? I was at this point. Yeah, you were a woman alone in an exciting city, who goes to clubs, who meets people, and was either saying yes or no. But that film is an entire yes and yes and

yes and two and a half hours. It is a complete yes standing. But the worst thing is that the repercussions of that is I got fired from that job because the rule was you weren't supposed to sleep with anyone you were taking out, and I did because I was yes, standing next to the balin wall. Oh, Helen Anne, like, no, I know, I know, I know, Yes, ANDed yourself into travel, landed myself into a firing. That's Victoria all over. It is Victoria all over. But I love it and like

I think about it all the time. It's a fantastic film. And also from a technical point of view, it's all done in one shot, and I often think one shot things I don't necessarily I think sometimes that they are just stile over substance. Yeah, and they're just an exercise and you watched and going, well, that's clever, well done.

Where's is the perfect one where it's like the style means the thing, as in, yeah, you sort of find yourself holding your breath the whole two enough as because as she and the camera you were like, how is this still? How is this happening? So can I ask a question, which is super Have you spoken about Victoria loads on this before? By the way, I have, but not for a very long time. So if people look, did you watch out of curiosity? Did you watch it

with subtitles or without? Because with subsists, see, I would be fascinated. I remember watching it and thinking like I would have loved to have seen it not being able to speak German and follow her story. Yeah, because if you watch it, if you as just a native English speecher but don't speak German, yeah, then you actually find out things as she finds them out or pick up

on clues. I remember thinking, oh, that would be such a cool expeak Like obviously I've watched the films was dead now and I do speak German, but I was like, that would be so fucking awesome. There's so many ways to watch this because of that. Love that, because there's so many good German films, but like that's one that like really like it works without speaking German at all? You know, yeah, I can't fucking it's pointless. Stories. I

can't remember what the film was. I accidentally watched the film without having the subtitles on, and I thought, oh, this film does not have subtitles and it was a foreign film. Yeah, and I watched twenty minutes of it before I checked, Oh, I need to turn on the subtitles myself. But I was following it and I was like, this is really interesting. It seems like I'm not meant to fully under time what's going on, but I'm getting it, you know what I mean? Yeah, because Victoria she does

speak English. She speaks English with the one guy in the group, but like they talk amongst themselves, and she's just sort of sitting there trying to like get the gist. And it's like, oh, that would be amazing like watching it because like obviously as a German and a subtitle read it like you kind of know what's your one step ahead of her, whereas it be really lushed to be with her. Yeah, I don't know. Good, so good. What is the film you most relate to? Helen Bower? Okay,

do documentaries count? Because I'm a big documentary fan, Like, I'm not going to say Grey Gardens. I'm not like mental Okay, then I'm King of Kong a fistful of quarters, really, and I think that stands for every stand up or anyone in the arts that's not yeah, thank you. Yeah, yeah, we all feel like we're Steve Weeby. But like, of course, there's loads of Billy Mitchell's running around and most of us are just like Walter who runs the gigs, and

then Brian Coop's just that. Yeah. Yeah. What is the sexiest film you've ever seen? Helen Power? Three hundred? Okay, do you know what again? Don't think it's come up before? Really? Yeah? Topless men shouting and fighting, that's your thing. I mean, I don't know what the storyline is at all. I gave a hand job to it when it came out in the cinema, and I was a teenager. Like it's always equated with like to the film, or to a man whilst to a man to a man whilst watching

the film once again in Basingstoke. A lot of stuff happening in basing complicated. Yeah, so you were aroused by three hundred? He was aroused? Oh my god, I keep going with gay guys. This is my problem, thank you. Yeah, so it's that age when you're like a teenage like late teenager, and like you're like everything's above the trousers.

But you're like when we see three hundred this weekend, I'm going in pant like right, So you're thinking we're having an amazing We've been to Bella, Italia, ignoring what's happening on the screen. Yeah, we've had a fancy sit down Italian meal. Like we know it's going to be good, right. It is a group hang out, but we are next to each other, so it's fine. I'm not leaning over Anna Grant to get to him, you know, like it's

oh yeah, oh Glass of Hannah. And then the movie started, and like the whole film was like me trying to find the confidence to like go for it, and he was like there, like go on, do it, do it when you're ready. And I had like a low cut top one and I was trying to angle my breast so we could see cleavage and like not stop looking at the naked men, look at my titties and I'm staring at the screen. Yeah, And then I got him. He was really really hard, and I was like, oh,

I've done something really good here. But then I knew I had to do something else because it couldn't be harder than that was the end, but like I didn't. I felt like I couldn't do that. Suddenly like a bigger movement because everyone else was there and I didn't want to be like, oh, Helen gave a hand job to three hundred. Like now it's fine, but at the time it's like, I can't be the girl that did that. And so we had to finish himself off in the toilets at the end. But it was good. It was

still very sexy. So yeah, a lot signs for he was staring at three hundred men and then he said, let me go finish myself off in the in the men's Yes, and you thought, I think he's I think I was. I was, I was slitting excellent. There's a traveling Bone's worrying? Why I dones? What's the film you found a rousing you weren't sure you should starter for ten? Yeah? The quizzing, Yeah, the one about quizzing. Yeah. I think it's when I first realized that I find men crying

really sexy, which is really worrying. I think I've said this on a podcast before because I know this feeling of shame and embarrassment saying this, but I I masturbated to him crying saying dad, saying his dad was dead in a restaurant to Halisey and I don't know why,

but that is a very memorable bank for me. Can you look at me, because I'm going to start panicking if you come in your eyes I'm anyone answers this question, probably, which is so far about four people thank you properly, but otherwise everyone's just like, oh, symbol was kind of a sexy lining cup and it's like, yeah, but did you wank to completion? No, it doesn't count because like,

for some reason, very emotion it was. Maybe it was the first in my life i'd seen a man and an attractive man being very vulnerable, and for me, I was like, how sexy is that? And it really turned me on. I don't think it was anything to do with the fact his dad was dead. Yeah, sort of want to check in. And I guess I don't think it's that you don't care the reasons for it. He's crying and you're like, I don't care why, bab you don't need to talk. I just need to watch this.

It was the vulnerability I think details, Yes, stop banging on about your dad. Just you can think about it and I'll just watch you cry. That's what you're Yeah, I'll just I'll just be in the corner just watching. Yeah. Yeah, thank you. Detively the greatest film of all time. I know I'm correcting this, so I don't want any backchat. Matilda. Danny DeVito's Matilda is flawless. Thank you, thank you. Thank next question, thank you. It will be respected, it will

be respected, thank you. How do you feel about the new Matilda coming out? I'm excited because I think it's not a remake of Danny DeVito's Matilda, because he did like his version of it. It was like narrated. But this is Tim Mention's musical, and the musical is absolutely incredible. The songs are brilliant. It's not a remake of that. It's the same characters, but it's almost like a you could think of it. It's like in the Matilda universe. But I'm chill with it. I'm excited. Correct what thank

you film that you could or have? What's the most over and over again. I really thought about this. I think like obviously Ben Herr is a good contender because I watched it so much growing up. Sound of Music is a good contender. Annie's a really good contender. But I'd say, honestly, the film that I'd keep on going back to is probably the film Wimbledon, because that was like one of the first DVDs we had our so people would come over and watch Wimbledon. It's weird. It's

a weird choice, huh, all the day after Tomorrow. Those were the two first DVDs we had our house. Yeah, Wimbledon's a weird one in that it's sort of I know, it's not even good. Do you know what Wimbledon is? A sticky shit is what we're talking about. Wimbledon on paper is a slam dunk of a film. I'm sorry to mix with sporting metaphors, but something maybe the timing, et cetera, something about Wimbledon. It wasn't a smash. I

don't think it's a bad film. I think it's absolutely fine, But you would think on paper Wimbledon would be huge, should be shit too late the one I've seen the most of and I probably I don't know if it was. I just think it was shit, just full stop, Like it's not like the films that I watch over and over again, which I'm genuinely like eggs, like Basketball, I remember watching that a million times when I was younger, Like the funniest film, Dumb and Dumner, like these great films.

But Wimbledon is probably it, and I don't know why. What's the We don't like it to be negative? Helen, do it? Quick's the worst film we've ever seen. Oh, it's just some Jason safean film which is like a Prince of Dragons coal on a Dungeon siege. It was horrendous. I walked out. I couldn't do it. Jason Stathon made a film called Prince of Dragons a Dungeon Siege. It's like coal on the Dungeon Siege. I cannot remember, but the beginning of it is. It's that bad. I refuse

to look it up as well. I mean, you're going to look it up, aren't you. I'm gonna have to look up because I have never read a Prince of Dragons a Dungeon Siege. Okay, dopon Jason Safe a Dungeon siege and see what comes up. Siege must be lying, Maybe I'm lying. You're a lion. I watched this with Huge Davis. Let me, yeah, listen, I'm not calling you. Oh oh no, no, okay, forget the Prince the Dragons. Okay, it's called Jason Statham in the Name of the King

Colon a Dungeon siege tail. Okay, yeah, that's a complete different film. In the next lot one. You liked that film, I haven't. Truthfully, I haven't seen yet. He also plays farmer in it, so it must have been quite an early one. He plays farmer, which is the lead role. Oh it's a Yue Bowl film, Ui Bowl. The director of that film, okay, famously or not, has made film is I think one of the most sort of statistically critically hated directors of all time, Like every film gets

was once stime. I went to my lid and he did a thing where he challenged film critics to box to a boxing match and genuinely fought the crizzies of his films in the ring and turned out to be quite a good fighter in no way, and I always respect him for that. Good him. Okay, fair play to him. Yeah, no, I like that. I just yeah, that film wasn't for me, but I'm sure it is for others. You know what is You're in comedy, you're a comedian, You're very funny.

What's the film that made you laughter? Most? Telling? Bower? Any of the Jackass films, I'll never like. They're just the ones, aren't they? They're the funny James Acaster, Oh really Acaster loves Jackass, Loves loves loves. It's his favorite. It's incredible. Like I watched all the behind the scenes, like the making of the movie for this last one

was absolutely enchanting. Their discussions around the dick Monster and like how it would work as a puppeteer, Like they got in the most famous puppeteers in the world, like the Team America Puppeteers to do the Dick Monster and it's just so funny. Do you want to be in Jackass? No? But I do want to be on set, Like I don't like, I don't want to be part of the pranks, even though I know the sets happen on prank, But like, come on, going in a portoloo and I'm blowing it

up with Pooh everywhere. That's funny. That's good comedy. Also, they've got really like feminist in the last Sea film, have you noticed like they get like female tennis players and they serve at their dicks, and it's like, yeah, women can do anything. It's just so empowering. I find it very empowering. Helen Bower, you have been amazing and

a delight and I've loved this. However, when you reached forty three Surprise and you were walking through your kitchen putting up a montage of the fifth trip you'd all taken to Disney Worlds, You've made a new new collage of it. And Neil walked in and he said, morning morning, Helen Bower. You call each other very foot, as you said lesson Nil hotel, and he went, oh, showing me the picture and he pointed the pictures. You had your

back Tim and Ko Kong. He shot the bolt and as the boat win in your head, he said, oh, he was wearing wellies in a barber but you were instantly dead. The signs were there. And I was walking past a couple of weeks later, actually, I said, where's Helen? And Saniel said, oh, if you're looking at Helen, she's at her sister's house. I go over to your sister's house. I go where's Helen? She says, oh, she wouldn't mind you sitting on it. Doesn't mind living men's sitting on her.

I said, what do you mean? I walk in there? You are stuffed man, spread on the cipher, cup of tea wedgst in your hand, and a saucer here. Yeah sweet, And I go, oh, blood, yeah, I said, do you mind if I if I bury her? I know that wasn't the plan, but she did have two secrets. One now if you know the Patriots section. One secret that she wanted to take to the graves. I do actually

have to put her in the grave. I brought this coffin, but there's more of you and I was expecting because she's put so much foam in you, twice the size anyway, So I have to chop you up with your sister. She don't mind you're having her laugh. Chop you up, stuff you in the coffin. There's only it's only enough room in there to slip one DVD into the side for you to take across to the other side. And on the other side it's movie night every night, and

one night it's your movie night in pizza Heaven. What film are you taking to show you? The pizza people of Pizza Party Heaven. When it's your movie night, Helen Bower, pizza guy, it has to be King of Corn a fistful of Quarters, because I it's the one that when someone says they haven't seen it, I will stop whatever we're doing and be like, you have to. I'm sorry, we have to watch it. I just love watching people

watch it for the first time. Yeah. So you're you're sitting on the stage at the front in front of the screen is watching everyone. Yeah, great, because it's such an emotional roll of guys that yeah, and so funny. Helen Bower, what joy? What is there anything you want to tell people to listen to it, to look out for, to watch, to buy tickets to you tell me I have a podcast. Yeah, that's always a good way to start. I do a podcast called Trusty Hogs with Lovely Catherine Beauhart,

so please listen to that. And I have a special coming out but I don't know. It was filmed with eight hundred pound gorilla, but I don't know where it's going to end up of my first show called little Miss Baby Angel Face, So please look out for that. Follow me on Instagram, on Twitter, and I'll put it up there obviously, Ellen Bower, what a tree. Thank you very much, have a wonderful to you from about in the back of your head, and enjoy Disney item. Please

make video diaries every single day of everybody. Well, I promise, I promise to love you. Good day you pay. So that was episode two hundred and twenty two. Head over to the Patreon at patreon dot com. Forward slast Brett Goldstein for the extra chat, secrets and video with Helen. Go to Apple Podcasts. Give us five stars, but don't talk about the podcast. No one cares about that. Talk about the film that means the most to you and why my neighbor Marian loves reading that. It always makes

a cry and we really appreciate you. Thank you all for listening. Hope everyone is well. Thank you so much to Helen for doing this show. Thank you to screwbos Pit and Distraction Pieces Network. Thanks to Buddy Peace for producing it. Thanks to eight Us for hosting it. Thanks to Adam Richardson for the graphics. At least Aladdin for the photography. Coming to me next week for an incredible guest. Oh, so many great guests coming. You're gonna love it. So

that is it for now? In the meantime, have a lovely week, and please, now more than ever, be excellent to each other.