Danny Wallace • Films To Be Buried With with Brett Goldstein #156

special guest over, I tell them they've died. Then I get them to discuss their life through the films that meant the most of them. Previous guests include Sharon Stone, Kevin Smith, James a Caster, and even Fred Gramble's. But this week it's the amazing writer, presenter and filmmaker Danny Wallace. Head over to the Patreon at patreon dot com forward slash Brett Goldstein, where you get an extra twenty minutes with Danny. We're talking in depth about beginnings and then

of films. He also get a secret and the whole episode uncut and as a video. Check it out over at Patreon dot com Forward slash Brett Goldstein this week. I believe Friday the twenty third, Is that right, Yeah, the twenty third. It's happening is here. Ted Lasso Season two is on Apple TV Plus. Do not miss it. I very much hope you like it. So Danny Wallace. Danny Wallace is a very funny and brilliant writer. He's

a lovely man. Amongst many other things. He wrote the book Yes Man, which was turned into a film with Jim Carey. He's fucking brilliant. I met him years ago, a thing we will discuss on here. He's always been so lovely and supportive of Super Bob in its very early days. He was one of the first champions of it, and it always helped us to keep going with it. I was very grateful that I got this opportunity to talk with him now. We recorded this on Zoom a

few weeks back. He was a joy, and we've come up with a new show that we have now entirely copyrighted, so I don't even think about it is ours and his League or so that is it for now. I very much hope if you enjoy episode one hundred and fifty six of Films to be Buried with Hello, and

welcome to films to be buried with. It is I Brett Goldstein, and I'm joined today by a humorist, a writer, a children's writer, a journalist, a presenter, a DJ, a host, a podcaster, a script writer, a filmmaker, and a human actual man. Please welcome to the show the Brilliant. It's visit Danny Wallace. Well, hello, hello, and all those people are me. Because I got confused for a second, I

did think, oh, I'm the only one here. The only thing you missed out was I'm also the patron of the Baked Bean Museum of Excellence, which I opened about ten years ago. It's a two bedroom flat in Port Talbot, run by a guy called Captain Beane, and I am I'm the guy who opened it. And the press were there and it was great. And the only problem with

doing something like that. On the way home and bearing in mind I've turned up to open the Baked Bean Museum of Excellence, Yeah, I've put some time into it. Well you're a big deal, you get it. Well, yeah, you know. But it was when I was halfway home we looked at the local press and they had reported a quote from Captain Beaney which said, I really wanted Michael Sheen to open the museum, but you take what you can get. That is fucking out raises and now

I'm going to boycott the Beanie Museum of Beans. My question is when you opened the Museum of Beans, Yeah, is it instead of a cutting a ribbon, is it a ring pool? There was? There was. It was one of those little curtains I think you know, the time curtains, and you pull it down and then it reveals a plaque. So it felt pretty regale, pretty regal. But I haven't been back as yet. Danny Wallace, I haven't seen you

for a long time. You've always been a lovely man, and I first met you many many many years ago when we made this short film. Me and John Drever made the short film of super Bob and it was for the Virgin Media Shorts and you presented it you like did the hosts hosting for it? And I'll tell you this because I stand backed. Me and John have talked about it the Virgin Media Shorts for you don't know, it doesn't happen anymore, but it was like it was

a three minute competition anyone could enter. But the way they did the ceremony was like the Oscars. It was at the BFI and there was like proper. What I was really great about it is you did jokes for all the films. You did jokes like we were big famous films. Like everyone in the room would get and everyone dressed up, and it was like, I thought, this is the best awards everybody I've ever been to. It was like so glamorous, but it was just like me

and my major proper place. Yeah, but it was like in the year. It was in the BFI and there were people there, like you know, Michael Michael Hurt was there I think at one point, and Olivia Coleman came to one. It's a shame they don't do them yeah anymore, because yeah, I remember that, I remember talking to you afterwards and all the all the filmmakers. But it was great because, like you say, it was this Oscar's level sort of party with like big name DJ's and I

think people dressed as robots at one point. But it was a load of people who just made three minutes and some were with a with a sizeable, decent sort of budget, and some felt like they were just done. On the phone with someone from school, but everyone treated the same. It was beautiful or beautiful thing. Now, I guess obviously this is a podcast about film. You've done a lot in film, and you've had film made, films made, filmmade. Yeah, one, yes man, Yes, the Jim Carey film, which is such

a big thing. If you're not bored of talking about it, can you just tell me a bit about the going from the book to the film and it being fucking Jim carrying. Yeah, So I wrote the I'd written a book before where we'd sold the film rights, and it was a day of huge celebration. There were you know, going to the pub buying champagne, you know, feeling like a big shot, but realizing how ridiculous it was as well,

and understanding that it may never happen. And of course that one never happened, but people would always keep buying sort of the film rights, but no one could ever really find the angle. And then the next book was Yes Men, which happened at a thousand miles an hour. In comparison, I think most films take between five and six hundred years to get made. So so this it just motored and various people had wanted it. It had been kind of biked around town at the same time

in that very exciting way. People knew it was coming. Some people had managed to secure stolen copies. It was all this kind of there was like this this proper buzz. The first offer that was made was just trying to get it quickly and was almost criminally low. And then other people started to kind of do that quite exciting sort of thing why where they were making their case for it, and I went with the nicest people. I went with the people I thought would do the nicest job,

who have understood the heart of it. It's basically if people don't know, it's a book about what happens if you just decided to say yes to everything, if you know, if you decide no, I'm not going to be too tired today, I'm not going to be bored. I'm not going to be cynical about it. I'm just going to say yes and go to that terrible party or that awful gig that's going to involve four bus changes and it's basically just a man playing the castanets. I'm going

to go. And if you apply that kind of thing to life, then things start to happen, and so it's a story about that. And so David Hayman and Warner Brothers, I decided to go with them. And it was supposed initially to be what it was going to be, a Jack Black film, and that that was really exciting and and great, and I think something happened there with him and Mike White, and then it wasn't. And then suddenly I got the phone calls saying Jim Carey wants to

be in it. And even though that that wasn't sort of my decision to say yes or no, that would have been the easiest yes in the world, because it's

Jim Carey. And you know, those moments when it really struck me was when I was about to fly out for the first time, because they were very nice to me, and they would fly me out and give me a little trailer and it had had a car parking space, and I'd seen all the car parking spaces in Hollywood and they're all like stencil and I thought, oh my god, I'm gonna But when I got there, it was just a piece of a four paper with my name very slightly misspelled. But I got the trailer. There was a

bottle of tequila in there. I remember the toilet didn't work properly, but otherwise it was everything I could have hoped for and more. And you know, when you see the end of Jim Carey films and you see him mucking about and all the outtakes and the goofing about and just brilliant. Suddenly it hit me, just before leaving,

I'm going to see that happen for real. I'm going to see those moments between the moments, you know, the ones that normally slip between the cracks, and I'll see the good goose and I'll see the goose that won't even make it onto the gag reel, you know. So that was the moment where I suddenly got, oh my god, I'm excited here and yeah, and I managed to spend quite a bit of time hanging around on set and talking to everyone, and yeah, it was just a really

weirdly magical time. Yeah. Well, it's fair. It's fairther proof of the evidence of your book, of the theory of your book, isn't it. Yeah? It is. Yeah, that things only happen if you do them. How much have you stayed because that was what ten years ago now it was maybe even longer. I'm not even sure. Maybe a fifteen How much of that yes mentality have you stuck with since then? I still carry it with me, although I would say that saying yes to everything is not

to be recommended, but saying yes more absolutely is. I think no is a wonderful word that I've also Yes. Man sort of taught me again the power of the world no as well, and how useful that can be, and so so yeah, a bit of both, but leaning a bit towards saying yes a bit more I think will help will help almost anyone well. And you must

know this. But the thing with improv of the rule of improv of yes, and I really apply that in life, or try to, and that is always you're always going to make things better if you yes end it rather than exactly yeah. If you you know, if you cut off an idea, then you're killing you're killing a flower. That's a little phrase I just made up, but I think that could be on posters or I could set up I could set up some kind of charity for young artists based on that phrase alone. Danny Wills, I've

fuck shit, I am Oh, why have I gone translucent? Bret? I'm scared don't be scared. Don't be scared, Just try something. Not right depends, though, doesn't It depends on your definition of right. I don't like it. It seems like you've maybe ahead of this, you've died. I knew it. I always knew it would happen one day. Yeah, how did you die? It was Charlie's Tharon. Oh again, go on. I know that's all I know. I don't know how, I don't know why. I know she had something to

do with it. She was very keen to hang out, weirdly so, and I remember her. The last thing I remember, I just remember her handing me a drink, and it was a clear drink. It looked like a sort of G and T, very f a vessel, the kind of the little the bubbles almost sparkling off the ice and the lime so vibrant. And I remember it being awkward because she wasn't having anything, but she she's smiling, and she was going, take a sip. Don't worry, it's nothing bad,

it's nothing bad, it's nothing bad. And then I saw you and I'm on a podcast. Shai's then drugged you and killed you. No, I don't know, but I know she was there. That's the last thing you remember. And she handed me a drink and she was oddly, oddly keen for me to drink it. This is very disturbing and a real revelation. Okay, well, I'm gonna have to look into that. Do you do you worry? Do do

you worry about death? I'm certainly much more aware of it, first of all, since having kids, obviously, and then I lost my dad recently, and I am now very aware that this is a really stupid system. And it's a system we don't really understand or think about until it affects you and you go, well, hang on, so what so that's that? That doesn't make it, that's that's ludicrous, you know. And I'm working to change the system from

the inside. And I think that's what I will dedicate after I've done the podcast in the other world, I'll start a union or something or something to try and get a bit more information out there. I think that's why. So what do you what do you currently think happens when you die? You know, you try and comfort yourself with the idea of something bigger and and I think it would be very arrogant to assume that in twenty

twenty one. We know all there is to know. I think that there's there's always you know, the way we look back at people two hundred years ago and laugh at their rudimentary farming systems. It's the casual disdain they had for hygiene, the the you know there there there may be other things going on. I don't know what they are, and my brain is not big enough to handle it yet. But you're not a hard no on that stuff, No way, never have been. I've been on ghostwatches.

I've been on ghostwatches. I was always sent as the men on the street, you know, the kind of the right something right about how silly these people are. And I'd be like, okay, I'll do that. And every single time, mad stuff happened that I could not explain, And so I couldn't cast a ry eye or a sideways glance at the world of the paranormal because it might come and get me. Can you tell me? Can you tell me?

One of the guys experiences at their simplest, it can be like someone is shouting OI at you at three in the morning, when you're with someone and you both turn and stare at the opening of some cloisters, and you've stopped talking and you're like, what the hell was that? And then you replay it in your mind and nothing happened.

No one shouted OI, and yet you both fell absolutely like someone was shouting for you and needed you urgently, and you stop and you both and you've just been talking about you know, countdown or something from that to apparitions that I didn't see, but I saw appearing on a webcam, at which point all the electrics went mad and the walkie talkie stopped working. And by the time I got back down there, this thing had gone and everything was working again. But we had it on very

early webcam, you know, where nothing was smooth. It was just refreshing every three seconds, and it went from a small bit of light to a large sort of six foot looking tower of light, to then a weird semi circle, a black semicircle, and it looked like a monk. And we were in an abbey, so you know, there was the odd stuff, but that could be, you know, quite logical as well. So I look for everything that it could have been, and it could have been lens flare,

it could have been someone caught there earlier. It could have been anything, but it felt like a monk. I love it. I love that. And also I saw a thing the other day about dark matter. Did you see this imaging of dark Yeah, and basically you look at the fucking side of the universe and you go, come, yeah, it's not all here, is it? It's not all here? They're sure, sure, there's plenty, there's enough to go around.

Have some guys give them a planet? Yeah, and they said, they say, yeah, so there might be other forms of energy that we can't see that. Here's here's my thing about ghosts. Our justice system is very reliant on If you and me saw someone shoot someone, we would go to court and we would say that man shot that man and they'd go, oh, are you sure, and we'd go absolutely, we saw that that happened. And they go,

but are you though, who are you? And you'd go, well, I'm Brett and you know I've done all this stuff and I go, I'm Danny and I've done that and they go, okay, well let's send that guy to jail. And so they believe us, and yeah, with ghosts, we've had hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands and thousands of thousands of witnesses for thousands of years, many of whom we're in good standing, and many of whom you know, you would never think we'd lie about something like that.

And they've all gone, I saw that thing, and we all go, you're nuts, and you know, we'll send someone to jail, but we'll you know, so. So I think we were too keen to deny the existence of anything else. We need to take more guys to court ghost ghost court. Mom, pitch it down. I'm pitching. We're a bit hit ghost of course, a fucking great ghost court should be handed. I might even delete this with a podcast so we can keep it. Yeah, ghost court, I mean write it down.

I'm putting it down. Yeah, good, great idea. And there with ghosts, yes please yeah, Okay. You know when they're doing all these could case sides, what about the fucking could case legal show for the other side, Like, what is it? Is it ghosts committed crimes in the afterlife or is it people that got away with crimes in our lifetime who then have to go to ghost court. Yeah,

it's like purgatory court. They get one more chance to you know, do do they get to go to the other side or not to the good side or the best side. Oh, come on, all right, okay, we'll do that. We'll do that next, we'll do a podcast. First, let's wrap this up as we've got to get writing. Okay, So well, I have news for you. There there is a heaven. Yeah, and it's filled with all your favorite things. It's got your favorite thing, and it was your favorite thing.

I've got loads of different favorite things, depends what mood of It could be anything from a lollipop with mostly made out of lollipops. But there's everything you want there. And they're also everyone there's obsessed with film and they want to know about your life through film. The first thing they ask you is what is the first film you remember seeing? Danny Wallace. The first film I really remember seeing was I watched Et on a hookey VHS tape that had somehow been procured by the staff of

a hotel in Romania. And every single night of our holiday in Romania. Again, I don't ask me why we're on holiday in Romania, but we were. That's that's just the fact. And it became a very very special time in my young life because not only was I on holiday and That was very exciting because you got at the buffet and there was like a game's room, and there's a kindly old man who gave me some money. But I was the kind of kid who could sit and watch the same film over and over and over

and over and over again. You know, it didn't matter to me. I would I would watch Police Academy one, two, three, and four just on a loop, the offshoots as well, like Ski Academy and Combat Academy, lesser known academies, but Ski Academy. You know, it didn't matter to me. There was almost no quality filter. It just felt like this is part of the same this is part of the same world, and I have to so every every film that we grew up with that you were able to

possibly record, I would watch over and over again. And this was the first time I'd repeat viewed something and it was just et et et. I would have been maybe six, if six, maybe six one like that, so it would have been about three what was there, no no an only child and so on. Holiday. That was particularly you know because once if another kid went off with his family, they were gone, you know, and I was just like left there. So I would in Romania

find my dreams coming true. I was able to swim all day until my legs ached, and then I would go down for dinner with Mum and Dad. I'd get chocolate ice cream and a chocolate milk okay, the double because you were allowed both. And then I'd go and sit on a sofa with some random children and watch ET at seven pm every day all holiday. And it was perfect. That is a nice story except for except for the sadness and the inherent sadness. Well except for

were you crying every single night? No. I got very used to it, but I would always it would always hit me in my emotional core. And when I started to have kids, when my youngest was about that sorry, my eldest was about that age, I sat down to watch ET with him and I was like, this is going to be this is going to be special, man, This is you know, you were going to absolutely go

nuts for this. It's very slow, isn't it. That's why I first were very slow, so well, very sort of almost empty a lot of the time, really not much going on at all, scenes that you think that could probably have been done a little quicker, or maybe lose that entirely and I'm just watching as I'm willing him

to fall in love. I can just sense the fidgeting start to begin, the thoughts drifting through his head of other things, because he's obviously been raised on things that happened quickly, and I had forgotten just how slow eat he was. But I imagine if I sat down and watched it again with some chocolate ice cream and a chocolate milk, I think I'd be right back there in Romania's lovely, That's lovely? What is the film that scared you the most? And do you like being scared? When

you did this guy start you get? Did you enjoy being scared or were you just let fuck this? I quite enjoy it. I quite enjoy it in the same way that I enjoyed tabasco sauce or chili sauce. Because it makes you feel alive. It's sort of my kids

always asking me why do you like spicy stuff? And I say, because it makes me feel alive, which is quite a weird thing to say to children, but they it reminds me of the days before you stole my every waking moment, but so so but that that sense, I remember we did a goh Stuch at the Tower of London, and it was about it's about one two in the morning and people aren't allowed to be there,

but we were to do this. And I was walking past these sort of turrety bits and it was messing with my eyes because there were spotlights there and so it was kind of flash on, flash flash on, flash off as I'm walking and I thought I'll just take a moment, and I just looked out over London and over the Thames and I just thought, I'm so lucky

to be standing here right now. And then bang, like a flat palm it sounded like on the thin window behind me, and I was like you know in cartoons where you jump and then the legs starts spinning in the air but they can't get any but I was like that, I just couldn't, couldn't move, and then I ran, like anything to where everyone was staying, which was this weird toilet um. You know, they had the HQ there, and I said, is there what was that room there

that I just heard? Is it the house settle? Is it like a normal house And they were like, no, it's not like this is like a castle, and they said no, there's no one there's no one in there, and that room has been locked for many years, and it was that perfect then, but it was the sound of a you know, like get out of my view anyway. So I do enjoy being scared, because I did enjoy that despite myself. But I didn't enjoy being scared when I was a kid. I was scared of being scared.

And my friend Michael, Michael Emodio, his dad. He had a very lax attitude to video nasties for example, or inappropriate things to show children, not physically, but certainly in terms of video games or you know. It was just kind of like he'd get home and go I went to the video shop here and he threw down a video for me and Michael. We'd been about eight, and it was the Sylvester Stallone film Cobra. Yes, do you know Cobra? You'd know the cover? Yeah, And he is like, yeah,

I mean it's quite it's quite violent. It's very violent, little dark in places. And Sylvester Stallone, I think, was supposed to be the Eddie Murphy roll in Beverly Hills cop and he had loads of ideas when he was sort of pitching in and saying what he thought Beverly Hills cop should be and they were like, we see it very much as kind of kind of a comedy, and he's like, no, no, no, this should be horrible. And so he put all those ideas, those leftover ideas

into Cobra. And I've only seen maybe three minutes of Cobra because the opening scene shook me up so much, and all it was it was a simple carjacking and there was a nice lady going to work. This is me, remember, I haven't seen it since then. Nice lady going to work in a normal car and then oh, what's that? Oh I've been rear ended. Oh and she goes to exchange insurance details, which is very exciting in a film, and then they kidnap her. And I was like, that's

enough for me. I'm out by and I got my BMX and I was home and I went to bed that night. I remember now with just that scene in my head thinking can that happen? Could people do that? Because you as a kid, all you hear is about warnings about being kidnapped, and you never meet anyone who's

being kidnapped. But suddenly there it was clear as day and it was daytime I think because well, a daytime, your carjacking, slow kidnapping, and so that really really really hit me hard, and it was the you know, it's a testament to the power of film. Yeah, that I could be so disturbed by almost nothing happening. That's a really really good answer, and I respect that a lot. Well done. That's good. I like it when a charted thing that is in a horror film. Yeah. Yeah, horror

films don't really scare me that much. But it's interesting what you say, because I always have I always have this argument with people who say they don't like horror films. They're like, oh, you know, life scary enough, and I think, yeah, but the horror films i'd like are about ghosts, like I don't like. I don't like watching violent things of people being murdered and chopped up. I like watching ghosts like that. Yeah, ghosts. Ghosts are great. Guess a great

This is using the pitch meeting. Guys are great, guys? Why this great? Danny say, what happened at the Tower of London's great? What is the film that made you cry the most? I reckon, You're a big crier? Am I wrong? You're not wrong? I can be punched quite hard by films, but it's usually for the better reasons. It's not necessarily for the sad reasons. It tends to be for reasons of maybe friendship or loyalty or love or family unit or something where I go, that's how

the world should be. People like that. And the last time it happened, and I was very surprised, it was Onward. Do you know that? Don't get me stired. It is brilliant. That took me a weekend to stop crying, I know. And it came from nowhere. I didn't know what it's about. It seemed to be about it from the cover or something. It just looked like some Dungeons and Dragons enthusiasts going on a road trip or something. But I fell in love with that film because of the love in that

film and the choices that the filmmakers made. I found myself afterwards thinking about it and going, wow, I love that they withheld lots of information so that they could just club you over the head with it or stab you through the heart with it at the end. And then I'm fully aware that I'd been manipulated by some clever writing. But I was impressed and am grateful for it.

I was like, that was you know, just the ideas that they had in there, of being a parent, of being a kid, the love between brothers, or sacrifice or hero worship, you know, the choices that some of the characters made. Right at the end. Oh my god, I had to. I mean I was. I was sitting next to my kids and I was like, you know, juddering. And then I had to go outside afterwards and stand under a tree. And I did. I stood under a tree,

and I thought about it. And it's not often that a film will make me stand under a tree, but Onward was one of those tree that when you're with your children you're crying, do you feel fine, as in you're happy for them to see you crying, or do you feel embarrassed, like as you'll be crying. I would say, I minimize it because I don't want them to see me like lose control. I don't want one of their memories of their dad when they're a kid was him

like slapping his thighs and way like. And also that's great ammunition for them on me, you know, in the future. But I don't want them to think that I wouldn't you know, be affected by something you know beautiful? And so they'll see, you know, they've seen me wipe away tears and that kind of stuff. But then I smile and go, isn't that amazing? As opposed to Jesus, don't look at me? Yeah, don't look at me. I wish you guys loved me the way that guy loved him.

What's the film that people don't like? They don't love it. It's not critically acclaimed, but you think it's fucking brilliant. You don't care what nobody says. Another way of phrasing that is which Jason Statham film should I choose? Yeah, And there's a lot to choose, from fine cannon to choose a great cannon, and I suppose would have to go for something like crank the idea professional assassin, the gimmick. He's been injected with a poison that will kill him

if his heart rate drops. So it's it's speed basically, but Statham is the busy and he has to maintain the engine in order to maintain the speed of the bus. That's the easy way of understanding it. First of all, what an incredibly specific poison and and it speaks again of all those things where you just go, could you not just use a poison that like, why, I can't remember why you've done that or chosen that poison? You want to tire him out, but why, you know, what

do you get out of that? Use a poison that kills him or a gun the old bond thing. Really, But I'm glad they didn't because what they ended up doing was providing me with, you know, more than an hour of exciting entertainment and car chases and leaping and if you were I mean, it's interesting because it makes you think about Jason Statham a lot. And I do enjoy the films unashamedly. But if you asked me what it is about Jason Statham that makes him a film star?

What is it he's got, I couldn't tell you. Like he can he could be quite gruff, but then lots of people can. He can move quite quickly, but then you know they can speed that up. If he weren't a film star, I think he'd be working in quick fit. But he's done it. It's a good question. I think

it's that he's got a very very handsome head. He's got a very good head head and he's bull bolding, which I think appeals to lots of men because they go, oh, I could be a movie stad too, And that's he's still sexy and he's fear but he's but but but but the Mitchell Brothers, you know, it's it's you know where we don't think, why isn't he just a Mitchell brother? Because he's got charisma. He's fucking charismatic. He's also funny. I do think he's if you've seen a spy, he's

fucking funny. Ah. Now, he is very funne and that whole film actually is much funnier than it has a right to. Yeah, I think he's a bit of magic in it. I mean he's a movie stuff. I guess he is. And I guess that's why I would struggle to pinpoint his X factor, because it is the X factor. Yeah, it's this. He's got it, you know, the staith and factor. He's got a one hundred percent and he's in you know, lots of other films he's been in that I've enjoyed.

There's one about his well he's an assassin again. Oh, there's a there's one I don't like where he has to have a text and accent and accents are not in his wheelhouse. And you know, he's got everything else. He's got the charisma, he's got the physicality, he's got the humor. He does not have accent work. That's but you know, no complaints. And I wouldn't say that to his face. What's the what's the film that you used

to love? You loved it when you were younger, but you've watched it recently and you've gone, no, I don't like this anymore. Well, it's not for any reasons of changing tastes or changing norms or what's acceptable or what isn't. It's just it's the karate kid once more. I sat

my kid down. This is after the et debarc I've gone yeah, but I was like, you know, it takes ages for the kids to for their BMX is to fly to the by the moon, right, But I was like, the karate kids, that's boom boom boom, that's like tray. I know there's a lot of car washing in it, but when you get past the car washing, loads and loads of fighting, it's not true. There's not true. There's

there's almost no karate in it whatsoever. He gets his bike stolen and then a neighbor cleans it up, and my kid at that point just went, that was nice of him. And I was like, well, that's mister Miyagie, and you'll be seeing a lot more of him. We do, but only in very very slow scenes. And then it builds to the crane kick very much. The BMX is floating into space of et and you've been waiting for it for ages, and you nudge your kid and you're like, here we go. And then it's over and it's lasted

about five seconds. They don't like do it slow motion, that it repeat it. It's not particularly satisfying. He just does it, and he hurts his chin while he does it, and he hobbles about a bit, and then it's over, and the whole film that and then it's literally it's over. Then the film is over. And that's not how I remember it. I remembered it a lot more of you know, bullies getting what's coming to them, and the majesty of karate, which I then started to do with Michael Amodio, whose

dad gave us cobra. We started to go to karate, and I stopped only when Michael didn't turn up one night, so I didn't have a partner. So I had to be the partner of George, who was the giant karate instructor who hadn't taught me how to block properly and then just punched me a child square in the eye. George he didn't he didn't mean to, but he thought I'd be better at blocking, but he forgot. He was like forty seven and drove a Jaguar and I was a schoolboy. So I just I just got a black eye.

I thought, it's not for me, this whole thing. It's not familiar. It's karate kid's fault, right, George's on the fucking list. Yeah, what's the I'm sorry about? I'm sorry for that. What's the film that means the nice to you? Not necessarily the film itself is good, but because the experience you had around seeing it will always make it

special to you. I thought about heartwarming moments. I thought about family moments, and then I remembered what happened at the Cursin in Loughborough in the mid nineteen eighties, which was that we'd been to the Whimpy already it was done,

and then me and my little pals celebrating. I suppose what would have been maybe my tenth birthday, maybe eleventh, went into the cursin where mum went off to get the tickets for whatever film was on, whenever it was, and she came back with the tickets and we went to see the film, and no one stopped us, no one checked, and we sat down, not really knowing what we're in for. And it was the Dutch American sword and sorcery film Red Sonja, starring Arnod Swartznoga and Bridget Nielsen.

And for ten impressionable young boys, this was not appropriate entertainment. Heads were spinning in the air, not ours, but on screen, spouting blood and landing awkwardly and bouncing around as women dressed not inappropriate attire either for the time or for combat, sort of swayed about and very mature content. And my poor innocent mum, who's so polite and who wouldn't want to ever have stopped off on or made it awkward

or got us out of there. My mum talks a lot through films when there were kids around, because she's making sure they understand it and she's engaging with them. So she was having to do that in public throughout Red Sonya to a series of young boys to try and distract us from the horrors of what My mates could not believe it. They thought they thought this was magnificent because they weren't allowed to watch this stuff. You know.

It was like Michael Amodio's dad had chosen the unstable, and so she's trying to explain they or just distract and engage, and she had to do that for ninety minutes as we watched Red Sonya. But for me it was always quite a special thing because it was so awkward and I couldn't construt on the film because I felt so bad for my mum. But at the same time, you know, there were scantily clad ladies and loads of gore and it was sort of brilliant, and also my

mates thought I was so cool afterwards. Have you talked about that with your mum in recent time? Yes, I have, and she sort of blocked it out a little bit. But then I then I talked to her about the head spinning through the air aspect and she's like, oh god, yes, sir, never mind, it's nice. Objectively, Objectively, what's the greatest film ever made? Objectively. It took me a little while to nail this down and I didn't want to be too obvious. I had a few had Midnight run perfect marrying of

soundtrack and comedy and Robert de Niro. I know he gets a hard time for doing his comedy, but he's very good. Well, he was a Charles Growden revelation Shure Shank Redemption ticked a lot of boxes for me. But of course it's Ghostbusters. I know that's probably one that comes up a lot, but it is. It's Ghostbusters. We've touched upon the world. Ghost are great. Ghost are great. We could mention Ghostbusters when pitching Ghost Court as proof

of the public's love for ghosts. But it's absolutely perfect for me because it's first off, I went to the Curson again again with Mum and yeah, and I just moved to Love from Dundee and I didn't have a lot of friends or anyone. I moved there, no brothers

or sisters. And I remember sitting down in our rented house and Barry Norman came on and he was talking about the upcoming films and then he mentioned at the end of like a list of three or four, he mentioned one called Ghostbusters, and he said, this will be coming out this year and it's like a action comedy blah blah blah, scary. And then you saw like Slimer, and then you had like a joke from you know, Bill Murray. I didn't know hear any of these people were,

but I immediately wanted to be them. I wanted to wear that costume and I wanted to know what the hell was going on with Slimer. And thank goodness, the rating meant that, not that it would mattered to my mum. It seems based on Red Sonja, but the racing meant I could go and see it. And when it starts and you have the Columbia lady, I think Columbia, and you have the even before that, you know the logo saying Sony Columbia Pictures or whatever it's who, and you're like,

oh my god, what have I done? This is going to be terrifying. And then Alice, the ghost in the library suddenly turns to camera. But as she gives the big scream and everyone is terrified, du du and you're like, it's going to be all right. And the way it controls you and it sort of scares you but draws you back in and makes you terrified, but you know it's going to be exciting and funny, and then you

have Peter Vankman being inappropriate but funny. For me, it was great, and it's it's a film about three guys starting a small business. And I'm always interested in stuff like that. And it's three guys starting a small business. Everything is against them. They're down and their luck, they've been fired. They're gonna just risk you know, raise inheritance or his parents mortgage or whatever on starting the small business and then things go crazy and it's about friendship

and fun and excitement. And one of the best emails I ever got. I'd gone on Mastermind and I'd done Ghostbusters as my specialist chosen subject, and I'd got everyone right, and I was actually, I actually left frustrated by the simplicity of their questions because I had done so much research into to the point where I knew the box office take in Germany. And when I was over in LA doing some work. In fact, I showed word got round and I showed Jim Carey Mastermind because he's like,

what is this thing you do with something? There were Ghostbusters and I said yeah, look, and first of all, he was like, what the hell is this show? Because it appeared to just be a leather chair and a camera that just gets closer and closer with a furious host barking. He was like, what the hell is this? Why is this guy's that Jenn asshole? And it is the audience scared? And I was like, everyone, everyone's very scared. Anyway,

some people saw that. And then cut to twenty sixteen and I was about to move to LA for a year to have some fun and show the kids a bigger world, you know, And just before we left, I got an email and it just Danny Wallace Ghostbusters and I was like, hang on, has my time come? Am I going to be a Ghostbuster? And it was yes

or no? Going to be a small business owner? Yeah, And basically they wanted to know if I'm interested in pitching a Ghostbusters idea and I was like, of course I would, and they were like, we're doing a few different things and it would be this kind of thing. And so they gave me a call that night and I told them what I would do and they said, okay,

keep going. And so for three or four weeks, my actual job and I could not believe it was going to my little office in London every day and inventing Ghostbusters technology like new Ghostbusters proton packs, or what the new vehicle should be, or who the team should be, where the HQ should be, And it was just like being a child. It was. I was taken straight back

to watching Ghostbusters at the Lovebrook Curzon. Anyway, I ended up getting this gig and I had to go to this office ghost Corps where Ivan Reitman, my child favorite director, was sitting just over there, and outside my window was Ecto one. And then it all fell apart and never happened. But it was really good fun while it lasted, and it taught me a lot of things that we can use through my research for Ghost Court. Oh this is wonderful stuff. Fucking and one ghost Court is the biggest

hit ever. We'll be like, well you had you, you know when we say this with love and respect, because yeah, you were. You guys were a huge inspiration for our small business ghost Court. Yeah. Yeah, it would just be nice to give back to the little people like Ghostbusters recognize the lesser known things. But fantastic, that's fantastic. I love that Danny Wallace, what's the sexiest film ever made?

Other than Read Sonya? The sexiest film ever made was, in my opinion, and look it's only my opinion, Brett. It's called The Last Seduction? Have you have you heard of it? I fucking loved The Last Attacks in Linda Ferentine know John, Yes, I Forgotten Gem A Forgotten Gem, a neo noir erotic thriller. Now. I hadn't seen many erotic films when I saw this, and I didn't know

how any of these people were. And I was maybe I was a teenager hanging out with lads in their twenties and we would go around to one of their flats and drink rum and watch a film. And sometimes I'd understand these films. Sometimes I would absolutely hate them. And sometimes it would be a film like The Last Adaption, which was so kind of I mean, for me at the time, it was just like, what who is she? And she's wearing a black dress and she has no

moral compass. She'd kill me soon as kiss me. She's you know, this was a world where in films women were traditionally supposed to be likable. You don't realize that till years later. But then when you look back, you go, So when you come across a character who is so devoid of morals or it doesn't care about other people, and it looks out for herself and it is such a bitch, it's so exciting. And I expected i'd see

loads moral Linda Fiorentina. But she had a reputation I think, as in quotes, a difficult woman, which is what would happen. I assume when directors wouldn't be able to bust someone around, or a woman had opinions on her character or something like that, it was just easier to get another one in, so they'd go, oh, you know what, sometimes she's got opinions, she's a difficult woman, Just get a different one. And so she kind of she kind of disappeared from me.

She was in the Jade. Didn't see Jade and men in Black, Men in Black. Yeah. But then but then I think, yeah, she was robbed slightly. I mean, I don't know, she might be awful. I never met her, but I assume that what happened was she she fell foul of some sensitive men. I think you're absolutely right. That film is really good, and like it's one of them John Dell made those fancy made that in Red Rock West and one other one where that scriptwise, every

five minutes is a twist. Every five minutes, you go, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fun, really clear, that's it. That's that's that moment where you're going, she's done that now and now she's doing this. And I remember one of my mates just like just kind of going, she's evil, and I just thought, yeah, she's magnificent, she's lovely. That said, you would assume, therefore that I would have been drawn in later life to evil women. But I have to say I've resisted evil women. I find them abhorrent. Have

you married and married a nice one, married a good one? Yeah, yeah, married a very good one. Yeah, I know what could have been? Yeah? What As a subcategory to this question, Danny is traveling bone is why filmy found a rousing. Yes, you thought maybe I wasn't supposed to. Oh well, there's no doubt that I wasn't supposed to. There's there's there's no doubt whatsoever. But it's a specific moment in a specific film when oh, now which one is it? There's

two of them, they're sisters. Anyway, Let's say Elsa starts to sing let it Go in Frozen, it's all very it's all very sad. Oh yeah, it's a shame. I suppose you have been sort of constrained by Yeah. But then what happens is there's the moment where the key change happens, and she stumps her foot and her hair loosens and her eyes brighten and she is in control of her own destiny and she becomes a woman. That's

what tell myself. But there's there's no doubt that I, you know, at no point in the pitching process for Frozen, at no point in the script that they write, this is a moment of high eroticism. It's it's me as a as an you know, middle aged man guiltily letching. Although in my defense, it's a moment of empowerment. So surely the fact that I find that somehow rousing makes me an okay, guy. I just googled the screenplay and actually it says when she burst into let it Go,

it says que bonus. So I don't think you did. I think you've fine. Oh good, that's a real weight off my mind. Yeah I worry, well, yeah, well thank you, No, you're fine. You're fat, because I was worried about that. Nah, it's fine. What's the film that you could or have? What's the most Over and over again, I would say, you know, so it's late at night, you should get a bed, You've got half a bottle of wine. Though, it's just to sit there, you know, and you could

stay up, but there's nothing on. I'm not And then yeah, and then you find it's maybe one third or two thirds of way through, for example, four weddings in a funeral, something like that. Something familiar, cozy, comforting. I would love to say, you know, The Godfather, something like that, but that's like, you know, come on, that's about three hours long. It's you know, you've got to get the better eventually,

but something like that. But I also that the film I've watched most and don't seem to get bored off recently, And you know, I doubt people will say it's a classic with to me, it sort of is. I found myself fascinated by dun Kirk. You know, the Christopher Nolan film.

It's great. Yeah, it's great, and I think I could I've watched it so many times now because I watched it and there's a penny drop moment where you start to see, oh, that's interesting what they're sort of doing with timing and the structure of the film, that's all. And you want to sort of nudge people and go, have you understood yet what they're doing with the timing, because I have, And if you watch it with other people, you want that moment as well a going yes, yeah,

you know yeah. And I really liked it, and I let the story, I let the characters. I like things made in that era, and I became fascinated by how Christopher and Olan had done it, and so I watched it, and then I watched it again, and then I watched a whole big long interview with him, and then I read the script, and then I watched it again having read the script. And for me, it's it's tight, and it's powerful, and it's just exciting, and there's just that constantly.

You know, we were talking about all the twists. You know that that thrillers can sometimes brings every five minutes. Well, I mean it's kind of like that, and this is an unrelenting sort of thrilling film where the tension is just ratcheted up and up and up, and it's like, oh God, what now? It could have been called oh God, what now? Because it just keeps up and he's always so good at that, to the point where like the Batmobile.

You know, when when he was designing the sound of the Batmobile, it's every time it shifts up a gear and gets faster and faster, there is no it's some kind of weird thing he's done where it can never run out of increases. It's some musical thing where it will always just continue to rise, which gives the impression that the Batmobile will always just go faster and faster,

it can never be stopped. And it's the same with attention for me and dun Kirk's you just you want it to be over, and then he punches you and you get the feeling of pride that some people took some boats to France, and you know there was probably a general who said something patriotic, and you feel you feel quite good about all those things. But you've been manipulated, but of course yours are. But you know, I could watch that again and again. Yeah, it's a very good film.

It's really good. I really really like the very end of it as well. I think it's actually quite sort of subtle and interesting, like the last minute of it with them, yeah, and just looking at the papers that it's really interesting, it's really good. It's very not It's a bit like did you see First Man with Brian Goslin with Damien Chiselle. I didn't see that. It's really really good, and I think massively underrated, underrated and surprising

that it wasn't successful or massive. And then I realized why I think that was is because for a film about America landing on the moon, it's incredibly understated and quite sort of melancholy, and you know, he achieves the thing, but the thing is more kind of emotional, and there's a kind of hollow not hollow, but like there's a sadness to him, and it's there isn't this sort of yeah feeling. It's yeah, it's not Bruce Willis in the same way of Dunkirk. It's not like yeah, when they

get home. There's an element of sort of feeling of shame. And it's really interesting that love all that it is Yeah, understated. I think that actually the ending wasn't supposed to be the ending. He got the guy to read the thing from the newspaper, and there were supposed to be scenes after that, but he just thought, what happens if I just stop it there? Yeah, and it works great. We don't know it to be negative. What's the worst film you've ever seen? It will be almost anything my wife

chooses for us to watch. If she has control. She has some kind of talent, is it. I don't know. She can pick something and you know, we'll commit to it and we'll sit there. But it will be like The Family Stone with Sarah Jessica Parker, you know, anything where the lead character is going to have to try and get on with her other half's family and it doesn't you know, it's you know, it's harder than she thinks it will be, but she's so nice, but they get,

they get on the end. It's those But of course there's the classic The Room, which is the Tommy Wizzo film, which is often said it's so bad it's good. It's not. It's just so bad, but it's fun to watch. And years ago, I remember I'd be in like La and I'd look up and there would be a billboard for the Room, and I thought, Oh, that's just a film that's out, And then I'll be back six months later, and they're still with that billboard, and I'm like, how

long is this campaign? What is this thing? And I slowly start to see no, this isn't normal anyway. Then the Room comes out. Everyone gets to know The Room as this self funded film by Tommy Wizzo, a man who seems to be independently wealthy. No one knows how he got his money, no one knows where he's from. He's got a very strange sort of Eastern European accent

that says he's from New Orleans. And anyway, about three or four years ago, I was living in LA and I decided what I would do is I would try and meet Tommy Wizo. So I emailed Tommy Wizzo's generic email address and GQ said I could write something if I got him, and I knew that Tommy would probably be into the idea of like a fancy dinner. So I wrote and I said, listen, GQ, we're going to

pay for it. We can go anywhere you like, and I don't know where you're in the country, but I'll come to you and we'll go to whichever place you want. And I started getting emails back from a man named Raoul, and Raoul had a very interesting way with grammar and would only email me at sort of two to thirty in the morning. And then it turned out we were in the same time zone, so that made me think, well,

that is just two thirty in the morning. And also he seems to have the exact same way of speaking as Tommy was Zoe, but I had to pretend I didn't think it was Tommy was Zo right, So I had to keep writing back to Raoul, which I had to check out a spell every single time, and going oh, well, no, if mister Wizzo would you know like that, I'm sure we can, and then again I accentuated anywhere he wants

to eat. So anyway, finally Raoul got back and said, okay, Tommy Wasizo will meet you in Los Angeles at a place called the Grove, and he will meet you in the cheesecake Factory. So of all the places in the world Tommy was Zoe could have chosen, we end up going to a place that mainly sells well actually it sells everything as a very extensive menu, almost suspiciously broad. They don't seem to specialize in anything, and they chose to they don't. They accentuate the cheesecakes, but they don't

specialize in them. You don't go there for teesecakes, No, you don't want to go there, and a thousand dishes you can choose from anyway. Tommy turns up and he's you know, if people don't know what he looks like, he looks like he may have been in a band, jet black hair, porcelain white skin, sunglasses, constantly sort of very shiny blue tie, and no less than three, no fewer than three belts, two belts across the midriff or the waist, and another one to hold his bottom up.

So we have an instructive and fun chat about film, and he tells me that he's ready to direct the next big Marvel film. And he said, if I made the Room on the budget, I did imagine what I could do with several hundred million dollars. And I was like, yeah, I can't imagine. Wow. Do you feel having met him and spent time him, do you feel what level of

self awareness do you think he has. I think that he is slightly reinventing history and that he's saying that the room was always supposed to be funny and was always supposed to be you know, taken in the way that people ended up taking it. So he's having to reinvent a bit of history in order to, you know, to regain a bit of control. Maybe I admire him

for making things happen. I seemed to get closer to the truth about where he got his money from, which was that he was selling reasonably good quality leather jackets in San Francisco at a time where Michael Jackson was hitting big, so everyone wanted a Michael Jackson jacket, and Tommy was the guy. And then he managed to buy his whole building, and then San Francisco kind of got gentrified. So there's a lot of money there, and he didn't

know what he was doing. He shot this film. He didn't know whether to shoot it on digital or on film, and so he just did both. But he didn't rent the equipment. He bought the equipment. So he bought a full you know scale studio set up to shoot a digital film and at the same time a film one, which also meant he had to have two crews working side by side putting the cameras together so that they could just do one take and it looked pretty similar,

and it's I mean, it's insane. And when you look at the DVD extras and you get the you know, the interview with Tommy Rozzoh what I love about it? He wasn't even particularly happy with his own answers to the questions that he had written, and so when you watch them, very often he dubs a better answer over the original footage. So yeah, I admire him, but I think he should probably spend a bit more time planning and a little less time just doing it too much. Yes, yeah,

what's listen? You're in You're in humor. You're often described as a humorist. What's the I'll put it on my Wikipedia, but I don't know what it means. Yeah, that's where I got it from, to be honest, I think it's me and Bill Bryson and then as humorists, and then when I go with you, it said humorist, which I always sort of think, what does that? Does that mean? You're like a comedian who doesn't do you stand up? I don't know what it means you write humor. Maybe

it means written, or maybe it means not quite funny enough. Yeah, he's like witty he's very witty. Yeah, maybe they go comedian kick No, no, no, no, Let's go with humorist and see how it goes. Nearly he's no. Humorist is like high Brad. He's like, you're too good for a comedy. It's comedy with glass humor. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're a humorist. What's the film that made you last the most? I went to I was doing some

work with a gentleman. I knew he had connections to another gentleman, a very funny gentleman, and this guy was very funny too. And he said, I've been writing this surf film with this gentleman. And he told me what it was, and I'd heard some bits and bobs about it, and I was like, okay, yeah, I think. Yes, this guy's on a mission. He's got this girl he really likes and he's got to meet her. And okay, so

they're doing it as a narrative. I get it. And he said, you want to come to an early screening and I said yes, And I hadn't seen any trailers. That's all I knew about it, is what I've told you. I hadn't seen any footage, obviously, and I went down and I took Julian Barrett and my wife and it was Borat and it just I didn't know what it was going to be. And when I saw what it was,

I couldn't believe it. You know, imagine just seeing bor At fresh and just going what you did that and this and this is the thing and it's all big and slick and funny and America and Americans and it hit me so much. And the room was just exploding with you know, like you know, when you get like the wolfs of laughter of communal laughter, but then you

also get loads of individual, very interesting, weird laughs. That it was just that and that's the best thing ever when you get the big whoofs of joy together and then you just get the weirdos and the strange little laughs peppering it. And it felt exciting, and it felt like this is gonna imagine when other people see this. You know, it felt like a secret to share. Listen, you've got to see this film. And so I think that that made me laugh the most because it surprised

me the most as well. Yeah, great answer, Danny Wallace, you have been brilliant, A real thank you, pleasure however, oh when you were out and about. You were out and about on your travels too. Instead everybody like writing an article exploring things. You said, yes, and your own party and there was Charlie's theron and you were like, oh hello, You said sorry, could I You said you've worked with Jason Statham and she said, oh, yeah, yeah, he's great. And you was like, what's his secret? And

she said, oh, have you ever seen The Vanishing? And he said yeah, he said what happens you remember in the Vanishing? He tells him to drink something and if you drink this, I'll show you what the secret is. And so you said, oh, that sounds fine, and she handed you this drink. Oh, and drink it. Drink it, and you drank it, and what you didn't see was you passed out. She took you into a room, opened a cupboard and there was Jason Statham in the cupboard.

And his thing, it turns out, is hammering people to death with their hammer, and so he hammered you to death. Is that thus satiating his beating heart that has to stay above a certain thing? Hands shut leaves through on Andrew Quid and says, I don't know what you need this for us, she says, honestly, I've just got some repairs and need doing. Cheers. She left anyway, everyone leaves the party. You're an absolute mess. I've turned down walking around with a coffee. You know what I'm like. I

see you in bits, as the Irish say, you're in bits. Yeah, and I it's on the carpet, bit's on the cupboard. I'm having to chop. I didn't know any of this. No, you didn't have to know it, but I guess it's better to know. The truth will set you free in a way. Yeah, so I get all the bits of you. I'm getting bits of carpet, bits of cupboard, bits of sheets and stuff in them, all in this coffin. And the coffin was the size of you. But there's so much more than I was expecting. The coffin is now

absolutely rammed. It's rammed. There is only enough room in this coffin for me to slip one DVD into the side for you to take across to the other side. And on the other side. Every night it's a movie night. One night it's your movie night. What film are you taking to show everyone in heaven? When it's your movie night, Danny bris First of all, I gather everyone in the game's room. An old man shuffles over and hands as

a coin. He allows us to play a game that our parents probably wouldn't have let us play, perhaps, so beat him up. Come, I say, come with me. We passed the buffet, each of us picking up a small bowl of chocolate ice cream and one glass of ice cold chocolate milk, and we take our seats on the sofas and leather chairs of this Romanian hotel. I walk forward a press play and we watch et and that, ladies and gentlemen, is guys Court. Thank you for listening.

You buy our pitch. That's a beautiful bit. This is why Guys Court is gonna be amazing. It's a beautiful bit of writing. You started where you finish, finish where you start. Brought it back. He brought it back. That's a storyteller right there. That is a storyteller, Danny Wallace. I'm grateful for your time and for doing this. And it was very lovely to spend some time with you. It was lovely to spend time with you and to hear you describe my death. Now let's wrap this up

and start the pitch. Yeah, we've got it. We've got a lot to do, a lot to do. First of all, we've got a title and a vague concept. We just need everything else. Johnny Poppam's in it. That's all I know. Is there anything you need to tell people to look out forward to listen to of yours? No? Well, I have a new podcast starting in a couple of months, but I'm not going to sully this great podcast with plugs it. Should you be adjusted, Please do your own research.

Just type my name in for goodness sake, don't make me do all the work is type in humorous you'll find it. Yeah, exactly, all right, Danny Wallace, thank you so much. You've been wonderful. Have a lovely death. Good day to you. So yeah, chess. So that was episode one hundred and fifty six. Head over to patreon dot com forwards Las Bret Olstein for the extra twenty minutes of chat sequis and video with Danny. Head to Apple Podcasts. Give us a five star rating. But Dan right about

the show. No one's interested in your thoughts on the show. What we want to read is about the film that means the most to you and why. It's a lovely thing to read. It helps numbers and Maureen loves it. Thank you so much to Danny for doing the show. This scrupis Pip and Distraction Pieces Network. Thanks to Buddy Peace for producing it. Thanks to ACAS for hosting it. Thanks to Adam Richardson for the graphics, Leaves a Looning for the photography. Come and join me next week for

another smashing guest who you will love. I hope you're all well. I really appreciate you listening. So that is it for now. In the meantime, have a lovely week, and please, now more than ever, be excellent to each other.