¶ Intro / Opening
Hey there, and welcome to the fierce authenticity podcast where I teach you how to decolonize your mind, break free from supremacy internalized patriarchal conditioning, and have amazing relationships. It doesn't have to be one or the other friend, you can have both. And my signature framework fierce authenticity shows you how I'm your hostess Shirani M Pathak. And now, let's get to it.
Welcome back to the fierce authenticity podcast friends, I am so excited to have you here back with me again today and back with another live studio audience. And remember, friends, if you do not get my emails, you are missing out on invitations to live recordings of the podcast and join us right here right now like we are about to do. So what I want you to do is I really want to get in on these recordings when they're live because they truly are master classes in the topics that we go
into. And especially when we have a guest like today. So I want you to hop on over to fierceauthenticity.com and scroll down to the button that says Get my emails. Another way to do that is Shirani M Pathak.com/connect. That'll take you right there. But either way, friend, please sign up coming at these emails, get these invites, they will change your life. And I remember in a recent call of ours, the last guest that we had a community member of ours told us that it literally changed her
life in that one hour that we were together. And so this is why I want you here. This is why I want you live. I want you to get your questions answered. Okay. And now, without further ado, I want to introduce to us today's guest Riessa Monique is a life and mindset coach that helps people who are the go to person in their friends and family's lives, start making decisions and follow through on the decisions they want for their life. And you guys, I have all
of the links to Reissa and her work in the shownotes. Be sure you go follow her on Instagram because she posts some of the most fun reels some of the most fun content. And they're actually really, really creative and informative all at the same time. I really enjoyed watching them, especially those ones where Riessa comes out. And she's all drumming and sharing a message at the same time. Those are super, super fun. So
friends, make sure you go do that. And welcome Riessa to the fierce authenticity podcast.
Thank you so much for having me. This is my first podcast. So my cherry is being popped. Yes, thank you Be gentle.
I am honored to be popping your podcast cherry and this is definitely the place that you want to be for that and so Riessa, you heard my brief intro of you. And I would love for you to tell me and our friends who are listening in a little bit more about you. And maybe even like why you do what you do. Before we dig into our topic, which today is legacy is so exciting.
So my journey actually started in this work. It started in high school, where I would always help people and talk to people and people will always often suggest that become a therapist. But I had no interest in becoming a therapist because it required me to write papers. And I really liked the math and the science piece. So literally, and I didn't want to be in college forever. So I became an engineer. But I always liked helping people. And even before I decided to become a life
coach, I was called a life coach. People would often tell me that I'm their life coach, because I genuinely love people I love I believe in in people. I believe that everyone was made for their design. Like God, the universe of the Creator has that wonderful handbook for everybody. So no one can say that I'm doing it wrong. Really check check the manual, check my manual, check my design. Maybe I'm right on track because we're all taught to that we're supposed to live in this certain
box and honestly, no one's meant to fit in the box. So what happened with me is in the pandemic, I ended up slowing down questioning why I did what I did, because me just like a lot of my clients were living on autopilot, right and then so we don't question why we do what we do. And the reality is if we don't necessarily want to do that is that we know nothing else. Right? So the question is was for me, it's like why am I
doing what I'm doing? I'm being IT project managers is something I want to keep continuing to do. And the answer was no. And so I got in touch with myself and was honest about the work that I actually really wanted to do ended up learning more tools to actually give my clients exponential results so that they can tap into their own self worth and understanding their
own power. Right, because that's not where we're taught. We're like, like, in the intro that you gave, I help people make decisions, because we don't really understand how powerful we are. Right? As far as like, we're able to make decisions, we don't have to continue to be on autopilot. And just the creators that we are in those gifts in the strength in the talents that we automatically have. So yeah, that's a little bit about me.
I was laughing when you said like, oh, people are saying you should be a therapist, and you didn't want to be a therapist, like, hello, we all know, I just retired as a therapist, and I did not want to be a therapist. And yet I spent 16 out of 18 years of my career as a therapist doing something that I was really frickin good at really skilled at, but didn't want to do. So I like how you call it like that autopilot for
those of us who are on autopilot. And you know, you similar to so many others, the pandemic was a time where a lot of people had to slow down and reevaluate. What am I doing here? Is this really what I want to do? And I have to say, like being a Black woman in STEM, like, first of all, that's fucking phenomenal. Right? That's amazing. And it probably
took a lot. And I'm just speaking from my own story, you correct me if I'm wrong, but it probably took a lot to be able to sit down and say, No, there's something different for me, and I'm going to take action towards it.
Yeah, if I'm being honest with myself, like, especially to me, when you hit a certain age, there's a bit of uneasiness, but it's not. It's because we're going against ourselves. The pandemic isn't the first time people were
¶ The pandemic isn't the first time people were wearing masks. We are trained to wear masks, socialized masks and not be our authentic self.
wearing masks. We are trained to wear masks, socialized mask and not be our authentic self. Since being children fall in line, fall in the box, don't be different, different is weird. And again, our brains want to protect us and also our caregivers are trying to protect us, as far as not being different right fit in the box. So you'll be accepted. So you
won't be ostracized. But even though it's like some part of our lower brain has the same survival mechanism, like were being rejected, back in the cave woman caveman days, it meant that we would die because the lions and tigers and bears would get us. But the thing is, is that no one is training us that, again, to tap into our uniqueness and all that other stuff. Because what's so interesting to me is that celebrities are always celebrated for their uniqueness.
But I know for me growing up if I if I wore something different, or I would be made fun of whether it's family members, friends, or just even people at school, but then if x celebrity, does it, oh, you see Beyonce, she's so innovative. I mean, like I did that when I was like five and as far as the style, but those are our gifts and talents. And again, I think some of it is us just going against our authentic self and not not learning to trust ourselves. So when you said is, was it hard
for me? No, it actually, that's probably the most aligned I've ever felt in my life. Because again, I was good at math and science, right? But I didn't want to live there doing the type of work I was doing, even though being good at it.
Well, thank you for sharing that experience, right? You sign that's so powerful, because we need more examples of people like you who do feel that actually this was the easiest most align thing for me to do, right? Because you talked about that program that our lower brain has, like we are so wired for survival, we're so wired to stay safe and not be ousted from the community not be ousted from the group, do
whatever we can to belong, right? Even if that means continuing wearing the masks and so to hear you say and share your experience of actually, like it was the most aligned and easiest thing for me to do because I was finally coming into myself. And so thank you for sharing that because I really do think we need more voices and more experiences like that and and examples that it doesn't have to be a struggle. I
don't know, I'm just a struggler it's just like an identity. I'm working on letting go because everything feels like always the constant that was an ego deaths of like all the past identities, right? And I appreciate to how you said that it actually you get to a certain age where you just can't deny that well, that nagging feeling that's like yeah, you're not in your aligned place.
Yeah, and just honestly, developing that relationship with me. Because, like, what I mean that it was easy for me because if my relationship with me, that was the easy part. When I think about all the other people's opinions that becomes that's when it becomes scary, right? Because even if being a life coach, a real profession or whatever, whatever its thoughts people may have. But it was me caring more about my own opinion of myself than other people.
That is so good. So good.
The thing is, is our caregivers, when we're taught as kids, it never comes back to us as far as like, it's like mommy, daddy, caregiver, whoever Aren't you proud of me, they never focus it back to us to actually care or in and have opinions about ourselves. But if we're honest about that, I don't know if it's ever happened to you. If your hair you don't think it looks good. And then everyone tells you it looks good. You're like, whatever. You don't believe them. Because it's
really our own opinion that matters. That's why sometimes even when we're inundated with all these compliments, it feels good until we're not around them. They're like, Oh, yeah, I don't believe anything that they were saying. But to bring it back to the conversation we were having a few weeks ago about legacy, because I look good for my age. I look young for my age, right? But I'm 46 years old. And I think we started talking about having kids. And then we started talking about what legacy
actually is. And for me what legacy is. It's people can have children but legacy is also leaving thought processes behind, right, because I know on your broadcasts, you talk about patriarchy, white supremacy, it didn't matter about all the kids, because I don't know if Gandhi had children. I don't know if all the greats, right, we don't talk about their kids. We talk about them, right. And the thought process that they were able to share with other people then started taking on I
don't even know their kids names. Like, okay, or let's think about Oprah people who love Oprah, she has no children, children have nothing to do with it. So good or bad, the legacy
¶ The legacy is left in the thought process. That is where the true DNA is. And that can go beyond, because I can only birth so many children. But as far as the thought process being left behind and the DNA and how that can have been a trickle down effect, that is more than just having children.
is left in the thought process. That is where the true DNA is. And that can go beyond because I can only birth but so many children. But as far as the thought process is being left behind, and the DNA and how that can have been a trickle down effect that is more than just having children.
And I love that you say that. And you point out these greats, right as you call them, because you're absolutely right. And, you know, I'm sitting here and I'm thinking, and I'm in my own process of deconditioning decolonizing and unbecoming right now as I'm listening to you, because as I'm listening to you, I'm realizing in my brain, I have had the
programming that legacy is about children. But then when you think about it, that actually plays very much into the colonial capitalist, industrialist, toxic white supremacist culture. Because why is legacy children well legacy as children so that we have more humans to be cogs in the machine and produce for someone else's profit and gain so and especially when you talk about these, like Gandhi or you didn't say this, but like mother Teresa or Oprah? Absolutely, these are
people who they are the legacy, they do live that legacy. These are thought leaders, these are people who are going against systems and against status quo, maybe still operating within the system in some ways. And on the other hand, the legacies that they're leaving, I didn't get here just from nowhere, I am standing upon the work of so many who came before me, and I
am grateful for that. And they, you know, these greats that you've named, there are some of the people that have laid those foundational bricks for me to stand upon today, as I continue to do this work as well.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. And just understanding that impact, because those greats, they weren't necessarily in your lineage, but yet, we're able to still lay that foundation, as you said, and even some of these really wealthy people, I forget who I didn't look it up, but they're not necessarily leaving all their riches to their kids. And one of the reasons why they do that is just because also just leaving money to your kids
without the thought process is an injustice. And that's why those families ended up losing the money for that particular reason, because all they did was leave them money. And they didn't leave them the thought process.
Yes. And last year, I think it was last. Oh, actually, by the time this goes out, it will have been 2021. And new framework for fierce authenticity dropped in. And I was like, What is fierce authenticity really? Well, it wasn't a framework, there's like a formula. And the formula is
heart work. Plus somatic work equals a new legacy. And that's why I was so excited to invite you on to have this conversation because for me the heart work is really the we're healing those relationships with Source self and others and we're getting into right relationship with ourselves with other people
around us with the divine source of something greater than us. We have to do that work plus we have to do the somatic work which is getting in touch with what is our body telling us what are the messages our nervous systems giving us what is my lower brain that threat and survival oriented part of my brain telling me? And is that true? Am I still living in that
moment right now? Or is this a different moment in my brain's alarm system is just going on. And from the combination of getting into right relationship with others, and getting into relationship with ourselves and our bodies. That's how we create this new legacy. And to me, the heart work and the somatic work
really changes. And I love how you already went there literally changes our DNA, because we are now no longer getting triggered by the same things that perhaps our ancestors were conditioned to get triggered by, and therefore we don't have to pass that down. It is no longer a part of our wiring to get activated by something that is no longer a threat today.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. And even teaching those things to other people that aren't your children. But the impact is such it's so great. So even just to minimize legacy to children, it minimizes our impact. And we're actually on this earth to do.
There's another one of those truth bomb moments, that when we limit it to our children, we limit the impact. And, you know, this is one of the things I love about the work that I do. And I know the work that you do, and so many people who are in my sphere do is we work with the one person, but it ripples out and touches every single person that person touches, it touches their co workers, their colleagues, their bosses, the teams, they lead the checker at the grocery store,
the barista at Starbucks, right? Like it touches all of these people. And so even if you're listening in and you're like, Ooh, I'm not here to leave a big global legacy. Right? That might be scary. And that might not be everybody's path. But just the fact that doing this work, is that ripple that touches everybody in this way, like that is the legacy.
Absolutely. And I think sometimes that we as people don't understand the impact we're already having on people's lives, just because we don't hear about it, right. Unfortunately, people will hear about it at their funerals or after they pass. Oh my gosh, remember that time we don't, I think we should actually have funerals when we're living. So we can hear that. And we can know that how much we are actually loved. I actually went to a funeral with an old family
friend. And I heard from their daughter, when I was 12 years old, I used to take the five year old daughter to the park and it meant so much to her. She's now 29 telling me this about what that meant. And that's a little small thing. But I'm just saying even as for her to bring that up to me, it must have meant something to her. I don't even know the scope for that, or how that impacts or shows up in her life. But the thing is, is as us as people are already having impact, we may
never see or never understand that. But we don't understand how we can have such a greater impact. And that is not to scare people with responsibility. But the fact that literally, we are gifted and talented already have everything we need in order to do that. It's just stepping into that, and no longer being afraid of our own powers, our own gifts, almost like because that was a thing for me. Growing up, I felt like I always was created
to great things in my life. But I was the little girl who felt my powers would hurt me and others around me. Don't ask me how or why, or what that would actually look like. I didn't know but I was afraid of me. So as a result, I played small, and I wasn't stepping into those gifts, those talents and everything else can I think, can I I can dance okay, but you know what I mean? I'm not that but that I really truly believe
¶ I really truly believe everyone was born with gifts and talents. But we have a tendency to play small and shy away from that as if it was scary and not understanding. Even with those gifts and talents, we can have even a greater impact. But we're already having an impact because someone else is watching our life. And we are being an example of something.
everyone was born with gifts and talents. But we have a tendency to play small and shy away from that as if it was scary and not understanding. Even with those gifts and talents, we can have even a greater impact. But we're already having an impact because someone else is watching our life. And we are being an example of something.
Right? Whether that be to, as I said, a co worker, a colleague, a team member that you lead, or the guy that you hold the door open for randomly. And I had that experience yesterday and it really made me pause to think like I was in a parking lot that in the strip mall going to pick
up pizza, it was Friday night. And so it was going to pick up pizza and the parking lot was a cluster mess and I was feeling a little flustered because there was people traffic and car traffic and it was just really congested and messy and it was like really triggering some anxiety in me. And I was like let me just go and get this pizza and get out of here right
so I'm kind of in this flustered space anyway. And so I walk in the pizza place, I get my pizza I walk out and normally I'd hold the door open for people because that's the kind of thing to do. That's a way that we have impact on people without knowing it and I I was so flustered. And so in a rush, I was like, I just want to get out of here, like get in my car and just get out of here and go home and eat my pizza. I'm getting hangry. Right. And
so I didn't hold the door open. And it took me a few steps before I realized that there was an elderly gentleman about to walk in to the pizza place. And I was like, I turned around, and I said, I am so sorry, I did not see you there. And it took him about, like a couple seconds to register that I was talking to him. And he's like, Oh, don't worry about it. Right. And he
had this big smile on his face. And it really made me pause and think about how in especially with ageism, and how invisible elderly people are to most of us, in our culture in this white supremacist, patriarchal society. And I just felt so touched. I was like, wow, what if more of us turned around and just held the door and smiled at someone or said, Hey, sorry, I didn't see you there and offered them a smile. And then they smiled back. That is part of leaving a legacy right there.
And you know, I don't know if it's coming across. But a part of me is almost like tearing up as I'm like retelling the story. Because it was such a special moment, you know, and it felt like a connection was made with another human being this person. Yes, they may have been invisible when I was in my own flustered moment. And when my brain came back online, it was like, oh, there's an actual human here. Oh, my gosh, I
didn't hold the door open. Anybody just kept walking. But something moved me to turn around and say, I didn't see you. I'm so sorry.
No, but I think is like even we were telling this before you mentioned connection. That's what I saw as far as connection, right? Because especially in this western society, we're all supposed to be individual, and like all of us, are, are connected, regardless of what we think. Right? Because we all come from the same place. But we're denying that a lot of us just want to be seen because what you did was you saw him.
And you seeing him, you saw the connection between you die. And I really do believe and I've seen stories on Instagram, people are just walking around every day, and just want to be seen.
Well, and it's interesting that you mentioned that because we actually have someone in our live studio audience whose whole work in this world is about helping in particular Black women be seen Miss Chasten I know she will come on later when it's time for the live interactive portion of our call today. And that's also the sub what's the sub headline, my first book show up be seen? Get love, right? Like, because that is all any of us want to do. We want to be seen, we want
to be heard we want to be understood. For who we authentically are?
Yes.
And so when you were touching upon that earlier, I really love that because it brings it back to how we have been socialized and conditioned out of it. And you know, I'm thinking of Gabor Mate, Dr. Gabor Mate. And he talks about authenticity is our connection to ourself, humans, we have two needs. And that is the need to be connected with others and connected with ourselves. That is really how survival works.
Our connection with ourselves our own authenticity is severed, when we grow up in environments where they're like, you know, the sky is blue, but they're telling you the sky is green. And you're like that's not right. But they told me the sky is green. So the sky must be green. So I must be wrong and the sky must not be blue. And that cuts us off. It severs us from our connection with ourselves. And that's how
authenticity is so challenging for so many of us. And then you talk Riessa about the masks that we were that we ended up putting on. And that is what I feel into as I deepen into that conversation.
Absolutely. As far as, like you mentioned, authenticity for that reason can feel scary because we're taught at a young age, like you mentioned with that whole analogy. They say the sky is green, so it must be green. So not only am I wrong, but I can't trust myself.
Yes!
I see something but it can't be right.
Yes, one that is I think the work that we all do right I know I do this work I know you do this work is really helping clients get back into relationship with themselves and with that inner trust their inner knowing, and I can trust myself.
And I can have my back because it's so it's so easy to be somewhere I'm like, oh I have my friends back or I have my significant others back. But can we have our own back? Because trust can feel scary when we think we're going to do it wrong. If I make a left turn and I should have made a right turn or I got lost when That was driving somewhere, am I going to beat myself up? Or am I going to comfort and have compassion and
grace for myself that it's okay. And I will get to my destination, even if it's the very scenic route.
Hey, friend, if you're enjoying what you're hearing, and you want to get in on more amazing life changing tips on how to show up as your most embodied and authentic self, and still have amazing relationships, then come on over
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sign up. The link is in the show notes. And I am excited to see you on the inside. And trusting coming back to something that you said earlier that you took that quote unquote wrong turn by design, right? Because it's already written in the Book of Riessa or the book of Shirani, or the book of friend listening to us right now. It's already written in there. And, you know, I kind of
want to take us there for a few moments. Tell us more about that, your thoughts around that and how you work and support clients with that,
Again, a lot of us are working with clients just to figure out why they do what they do. Because if we're honest, even a lot of us what are some of our professions, when I was growing up, there were only so many professions to choose from. It's not necessarily what I wanted to do. It was just one of the options that I selected. And I was told it was a good one. So it's just working with my clients figuring it out. Well, it's also working with my clients to know it's safe for
them to have desires. Because I never forget when I was doing this work, and someone asked me well, what do you want? That was so scary to me. I was like I don't even know. Because according to everybody else's manual for my life, I should want the house the husband, the kids live in this house, do this do that there's a checkbox, but to know that there's safety in literally what I want. And sometimes that starts as basic
as What do you want for dinner? What do you want to do Saturday at one o'clock, just honestly, honoring that part of yourself without judgment, because a lot of us have, again, those caretakers or in our mind or whatever, that it actually judges us and stops us from doing stuff. Oh, that's dumb. That's stupid. Right? Like, even you mentioned me taking drums. I read at 46 years old, I said, I'm gonna learn how to play drums. And the reason why I did that I was having a conversation
with myself. What do I want to do? I want to learn how to play drums. Why? Cuz I want to. And honestly, sometimes we are so especially women tend to attend to everyone's needs. What do you want? What do you want? What do you want? I want what you want? No, it's safe. Knowing that one, it's safe for them to want. And those they were given those desires. And the desires most likely won't match what everybody else wants. And that's okay. I don't care if you're 55 years old and you want to play
with Legos, it doesn't matter. There is no wrong answer. Because Okay, that's dumb. That's stupid, according to whose standards because if we're honest with ourselves, we automatically think, Oh, I like this. Well, do you really like it? Or were we programmed to like it? Who standards and it's okay, if hey, I want to do something and maybe the masses does like it. That's fine. As long as we're just being honest with ourselves, but understanding there is no wrong
answer. Because me playing drums at 46 years old. I even like to hold up a book. According to my design books. Yep, it's right here. Me being 46 years old. I have no kids. I'm currently not married. Yes. That's per my design. And that's all good. Because the thing is, is that a lot of the time we have judgment, and we have all this shame, because I'm comparing my life to someone else at 46 I should be married and 46 I should have kids. I should have this should should, should
should. Who says who's like Disney movies will teach us you do this and you will have happily ever after. That doesn't even ever exist. Right? Marketing tells us we oh I should buy these jeans. I should do this and then I'll be happy. The human experience is about all the emotion. All of them. I like to call them comfortable and uncomfortable. Not even necessarily positive and negative. Because even me being sad is not negative. I'm sad for whatever reason. That's okay.
That's like part of the experience. My dog dies I don't want to be happy about it. Oh, it's so heavy Lassie's gone? Yeah. Like that would be weird.
First of all, for the folks who are listening in to the audio version of the podcast who didn't see what you were doing, like, I love the visual of what you just gave Riessa, where you're like, oh, playing drums at 46, like literally the action of holding open up book, scrolling through it and finding the part in the book and pointing to it that says, oh, Riessa play drums at 46 or flipping through that book and tell us right, so do you have a literal book that you
use? Or do you use your hand like your hand?
Well, sometimes it all depends. Sometimes I use my hand, sometimes I have a binder I actually have. I don't have it with me. And I made it says made per your design in the thing. That's just because of a simple fact that anything we purchase has a design book or handbook or whatever and how it's supposed to operate. Right? So if I try to use that hammer to warm up my food, people be like, that doesn't make sense, right? It's
not part of the design. So who's to say that I'm supposed to have children who's supposed to say that I'm supposed to have whatever, whatever, even long hair right now I choose to have short hair. That's what I want. That's what I'm gonna do. Right? But I'm not I wasn't designed to have and no one was designed to
live in this box that colonialism, patriarchy. And all these other systems have told us we're supposed to even with the education system, literally, everyone doesn't even learn the same way.
Yeah, well, and I just I'm having this idea as I'm hearing you of creating a notebook that is the book of Shirani, the book of Shirani, the design of Shirani. And writing these things down and then pulling out that book and being like, yep, quit being a therapist, age 38. Yep. Okay, there it is. Here it is, in the book really launch full into the coaching, consulting, teaching, leading, facilitating Oh, going full time all in 2023. Yep. That's why she did that. Like, I
just love the idea of that. And I love how it takes away the judgment and the shame. You know, when you talked about, like, the criticism and comparison, and those are some of the things you know, I've been working on, like a list of seven deadly sins type things for fierce authenticity and judgment, criticism, shame and blame are definitely on there. And just this idea of just opening up the book and being like, yep, here's my divine design. This is how I was
created. It totally disarms. All of the shame.
And this is all part of the story. So you're no one's behind, like, Oh, I'm so behind who says, let's look, look at the book. Because 38 no longer a full time therapist, you're right on track lot like going in on your business, you're right on track. Sometimes in the present, we forget about everything we've accomplished, because how cool the story is this, right? So you're looking back five years from now, how cool was it that now I'm no longer a full time therapist, I
owe NYU all this money. And I still did it. I still did it. And it all makes sense now, because when we're in it, it doesn't we can't see how the dots are connected. It's only in retrospect that we can actually see the picture. And so it all makes sense.
Yeah. Which is why I love this idea for myself. Like we're recording this right before my winter break. And
it'll be released at the end of January. And I already see this beautiful exercise for me for the couple of weeks that I'm off is really creating this, the book of Shirani like my design and documenting these key pivotal moments, because I love what you're saying like you're not behind by whose standards by what, and I think this loops us right back around to our legacy, no matter what legacy that is really leaving behind, right?
Because our legacy is also in that book of design, like the divine design of who Shirani is who Riessa who Chasten is who Vani is who anyone else listening in on this is right. So
And understanding we will never know the impact of that legacy. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up well, I can't see it. I'm not making a difference. I but the reality is we will never know the true impact. For instance, you mentioned Mother Teresa and her work and Gandhi and his work. Did he know the ripple down effect? No, he literally wasn't eating. He was on a hunger strike. Did he know what exactly
what would happen? No. And there's so many other people that came before us that have no idea what their impact actually
what it actually had. And it can be multiple generations. But it's so easy for us to walk around like we're insignificant right because the world will try to tell us that but again, if we go into our design, we are significant every single person who was hearing this or listening to this or watching this is significant because her our design not To anyone elses again, like I said, if I compare the hammer to a microwave, it
¶ If I compare the hammer to a microwave, it wouldn't make sense. But who am I to compare myself to anyone else because I, just like you - the listener, am made per my design
wouldn't make sense. But who am I to compare myself to anyone else because I am made and just like you, the listener is made per your design. And then sometimes it could be like, I don't know what that is. And that is what's so important. It's even with our work, and we can help people uncover what those things are.
I feel like we're getting ready to wind down here in that visual that you just gave him the hammer in the
microwave. The hammer is not wrong for being a hammer. And the microwave is not wrong for being a microwave, right, they each have their role, they each have their purpose, they each have their duty, they each do different things to help keep our world going round, right to help us build shelter, and also keep us you know, we really eat our food, if we are privileged enough to have a microwave in our home, or if we choose to for a long time, I didn't have a microwave. And I think that's
beautiful. And I think the really important thing for us to hone in on here, as we start wrapping up this portion of the call is the part that you are not insignificant and the impact you have and the legacy you leave is not insignificant just because you can't see it. Coming back to the example with that elderly gentleman yesterday. I don't know if he was having a bad day. I don't know if he was having a good day. I don't know if he was gonna go home and eat this pizza and then like wallow
in misery or blow his brains out? I have no idea or if he was going home to a family event, and I don't know, right. But what I do know is that interaction, that connection right there that being seen right there. I know that change something even though I don't know what it looks like throughout the rest of his day, or throughout the rest of his
life. And so I think it's really important that we recognize that we may never know, especially when you take into account all of the humans we do engage with all day, every day, we have that many opportunities to leave our legacy.
Absolutely.
And Riessa as we wrap up this portion of our conversation, is there anything else that is on your heart that has to get out right now before we shift over to the q&a coaching portion of our call?
No, just to sum it up. I mean, as far as embracing your
¶ As far as embracing your own design, even your own quirkiness, your own desires, just know that you are right on track. And for anyone else to tell you you're not on track - have them pull out your design. They don't have it.
own design, even your own quirkiness, your own desires, just know that you are right on track. And for anyone else to tell you you're not on track. Have them pull out your design. They don't have it. So how could they say Colonel Sanders was like six years old knocking on people's doors about his chicken recipe and knocking over 1000? Before he got he said gotta Yes. And people eat KFC? I'm not endorsing it. I'm just giving an example.
Yeah, no, I love that and embracing your own design that you're right on track. And also something I wrote down earlier, which is that there is safety and what I want.
Absolutely.
How powerful if we all knew that, if we all knew that these systems would collapse in a heartbeat, right? There is safety and what I want, because most of the time what most of us want is not informed bound by the confines of the conformity Chasten popped into the chat. Your safety demands what you want. Yes, absolutely. And oh my gosh, this was so good. And I know we can go on and on. And I definitely want to give our live audience an opportunity to pop in to ask any
questions. What I will ask is that if you could raise your hand, and then I will call on you. I see someone has a hand raised. Chasten, go for it. Hello, hello Miss Chasten.
Hi. I just wanted to thank you for this conversation. And this reframing right, cuz it's just been such, you know, I've always said I've never had a strong desire to have biological children one day I might foster or adopt, but there's just been this thought and this belief that I've had that hit hasn't felt good and my body feeling oh my god, but Well, this is like hyping myself up. But it's such good DNA. Like why don't I want to pass it on? My mom and dad's DNA is lit my
DNA is lit is it just gonna end here. But I've never felt that call I've felt like the people of the world are my call. And just hearing you drop in Oprah Gandhi, Mother Teresa, all of these thought leaders that have had massive wide impacts that don't have children. He's just created this reframe. For me. That is just It just relieved a lot of internal suffering that I was inflicting upon myself that I was like, I know, I believe this, but why can't I feel it in my body, because I'm such a body
person. And so I guess my thinking was like, well, if I'm doing all this work to unravel all this tension in my body, and it's passed through the DNA, that am I not fulfilling my work by not passing it on to like my biological children's DNA, so
they get to feel even more open in their bodies. So they get to be born with even less trauma in their DNA, but just the thought of being able to create that impact with any human that I come into contact with, it doesn't have to be someone who's come through my womb, that I'm still creating the same effect of unraveling tension from the body and creating more breath in the body. And then whoever comes through their womb is going to
have the gift of that, and so on and so forth. Not only that, it doesn't have to just transfer biologically it can transfer energetically. And that's just given me a lot of peace. So this is just like a big, resounding Thank you. Because this is a question that I've been toiling with for a really long time. And like the a, like, I sat down with this conversation, like, should I freeze my eggs, like, I'm 37, I don't have kids, but
just like feeling pressure, and now I'm like, okay. My eggs are free for everyone everywhere at all times, you know, like, I got energetic eggs, and they are gifts out and for the world. So just very grateful for this conversation. I was really excited to hear what came through and the reframes that you offered, really grounded in my body for me, so I'm very
Well, thank you for being here and Chasten and appreciative. hearing you speak and think about all the ways that even the work that you do in the world, and even the way that you just are, you're very being impacting the nervous systems of those around you, especially the work that you do working with Black women, to help them be seen and to live audaciously and to feel safety in that this part of the legacy that you're leaving behind. And I think that's the thing that people don't
understand. And that I wish more people knew is how much power our nervous systems have over us and over other people, because we are social, emotional creatures, humans are wired this way. Our brains are literally wired to feed off of whatever energy we're in. Riessa, was there anything you wanted to say?
Oh, the thing is, Chasten, when you were talking about my DNA, so awesome, I should want to have children totally had that thought I can totally understand. I can totally relate to that. But just understanding our impact is so much greater than if I had one or two or even five kids.
There was definitely a feeling that I was doing all of my prior ancestors a disservice by not continuing.
But you know what? So I don't know if Harriet Tubman had kids, but I don't know them. Harriet Tubman, it freed over 300 slaves, right? And led them to read them. But what was that impact to those 300 and the many more that she may have influenced, versus Even now she she did have children--
She left them.
Yeah, that's what I mean, so I'm just like, I don't know anything about her children. But I know her and even what Gandhi I don't know if he if he had kids. And I don't know the impact that actually having I know the impact he
actually had on the country and even beyond those borders. So the thing is that even for those who choose to have children, just understand the opportunities for legacy is beyond the children because even if I did have kids, and I just had two kids, and that was my sole legacy, that would be injustice for all the gifts and talents that I have to have beyond that.
Yeah, yeah, that way of thinking of oh, gosh, like everything that they went through to get us here and I'm just gonna stop it. It's like no, you're continuing it exponentially and you're choosing to harness your energy to be able to do so because for me, I know that I can't do my work and mother and I'm maybe that's a you know, disempowering thought but I have I'm immunocompromised and sleep deprivation is threatening to my life. So I choose myself and my
work consciously and intentionally. And it for so long. I just felt like, gosh, am I letting my whole family down.
How about in the choices that you have made? How? What are ways that you're not letting your family down? By doing this exact work?
Exactly, exactly. Even if it's something that they can't understand or see,
no, I know. But I'm just saying, once you get the attention and all this other stuff I always knew she was doing with family. No, seriously, I always knew you would make it. What you told me at Thanksgiving, no, but honestly, that so many times family think that again, you know how like, our brain tries to protect us, our family is doing it and all the time. Well, sometimes they're also
projecting their own disbelief about themselves, right? So it's not so much that they don't think you can is that they don't think they can. But it ends up speaking why I don't understand this. I don't understand why you don't get a real job or whatever. They're just talking from their own programming. But in you succeeding in what you do, and whatever success looks like to you, you are again, setting an example for them as far as what's possible.
Yeah. Sure.
And Chasten, I just want to thank you for your honesty and your vulnerability and sharing with all of us right that and I am not gonna lie that is secretly the exact things that you said are secretly why I invited Riessa onto the podcast so that we could have this conversation because I too have had very similar thoughts. I'm doing all this fucking work like changing all these family legacies. For what if I do choose that you to not procreate the human babies and, and so
yeah, secretly that is also why not so secret anymore. But that is why I did invite Riessa to join us. And so thank you again for allowing yourself to be seen and held here in the space of our community. Chasten Thank you.
Thanks for creating the space and starting the conversation because as soon as I saw legacies, I was like, they're just this big thing that just nags underneath, you know, the surface.
And you know, I'm gonna put you on the spot right here, chest and I'm gonna invite you to put in a plug for all those people who are not here in our community yet coming to our live calls, what do they need to hear, tell them what they need to hear Chasten, which obviously, is get their butt in here right now.
Get your butt in here right now, because we are doing progressive work evolving the human species forward. By leaning into what you guys were talking about before connection,
connection, we're so disconnected. And the only way we continue to evolve is by connecting back with ourselves and connecting back with each other, which is our natural state of inter connectedness we are community species through and through, and we thrive in community as long as we are individualist, we are going to continue to be in a state of survival.
Oh, fire right there. Oh, yes. And again, friend, the link to join us because your attendance and your participation here at least for season four, it is a benefit, a perk of you being in our complimentary email community. None of our live audience members pay a cent to come here and participate and receive these transmissions and these messages. And I want this for you. I want you to be here, I want you to experience this so fierceauthenticity.com, scroll
down to the button that says Get my emails. And that is the only way to get invitations to our community gatherings like this. So thank you, Chaston. We do have another community member on the line. Go ahead and unmute yourself if you have a question or a comment anything that you'd like to share.
Hi. So Riessa, thank you for being here today. I'm grateful that you mentioned and that we keep bringing the conversation back to kids or like our kids are only legacy, which I think is funny because I'm currently pregnant and thinking about what's my legacy? What am I going to leave behind for my kids? What can I do differently for my kid that my parents didn't do for me? What can I do differently for my future generations and hopefully bring that forward? Through my
child to the rest of the generations in my family? Like, I know my my sister doesn't want to have kids and that's fine. That's totally fine. You can help me raise mine.
I don't know yet. It's still undecided. Okay.
But I think it's amazing because I'm like, what work am I doing in myself now and part of that is understanding that I'm most at peace in my solitude. I am most at peace with myself. And because of that I can be present for my loved ones when I'm with them, or when they need and if I don't have time to myself, I am the grumpiest, nastiest, meanest bitch I know.
I can vouch for that. For those of you who haven't picked up on it yet, this is my sister Vani right here on the line.
So thank you for bringing up children and reminding us that our children are not our legacy. It's what it's the impact that we have, in general, because like you said, Harriet Tubman, mother, Teresa Gandhi, what we don't know their kids. I mean, Mother Teresa, I assume doesn't have kids because she wasn't nun But I don't know that for sure. But thank you. Thank you for being here today. And thank you, Chasten, for the conversation that that ensued here today. I really grateful to be part of it.
And thank you for being here. And in case it wasn't clear to anyone listening or watching. That is my dearly beloved sister, Ms. Vani Pathak, who is also our wonderful transcript proofreader, formatter she does our transcripts for us this season, makes them look all good. And again, you can find those over at fierceauthenticity.com as
well, that is the home that is the hub for everything. And thank you again, for everyone who's here who's participating in this community, it is my life's work to bring us together to have these conversations to facilitate the healing that happens when we come together and community. And when we open ourselves up, to be seen, to be heard, to be valued, and how we get to experience the love and belonging that comes from that. And so, again, friend, if you are not in our community, come
join us fierceauthenticity.com. And before we go, Riessa are there, I got two questions for you. One is do you have any final thoughts? And two is where can people find you of course, all the links are going to be in the show notes. And I want you to let our people know where they can find you.
When my final though was Vani, I thought that was so cool how she owned that again, per her design. She likes solitude. That's not wrong. That's not incorrect. That's not a problem. Again, opening the book of Vani's design solid to check right on track and the way everyone can find me, the best place to find me is on Instagram at Riessa Monique and I'm sure you're gonna have it in the show notes. And thank you so much for
having me. And thank you for being so gentle and holding me being that it was my first time.
It was truly an honor and a pleasure. Thank you for spending a part of your Saturday afternoon. I know you're on the East Coast and so it's even later in the day for you just thank you for sharing this time with us and bringing your wisdom and your medicine to us to our community and to the world when this episode is released live. So thank you thank you to everyone for being here. Live for tuning in for watching for listening. Make sure you subscribe, make sure
you screenshot make sure you share make sure you tag us. Let us know what this episode did for you. Again, thank you all so much, and we will be together again soon. I want to take a moment to honor the amazing team that helps make
this podcast possible for you. Starting with our audio editor Diego Velazquez; graphic designer and behind the scenes admin Anna Olvina; transcript proofreader and editor Vani Pathak; show notes and blog posts by Biljana Sandic; photography by Lauren at Radiance Studio; the musical track "Tropical Summer Beach" by Alex Make Music on Pixabay; my
husband, my family, my community, my higher power. And last but not least, I want to thank you, my loyal listener and friend so much for tuning in. Ways that you can further support the podcast are by rating and reviewing fierce authenticity on Apple; sharing it with everyone you know, screenshotting it posting it on social media and be sure to tag me @ShiraniPathak when you do; and making a one time or recurring financial contribution through the link in the show
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