God Winks & Second Chances: Bre’s Testimony on Grief, Grace, and Starting Over

God, I didn't even know that I had lost this or even thought that I lost this, but this would be something I would grab out of a burning house now because they have been in and out of my house, more people than I know. They have dumped drawers. They have packed things. I don't know what's left and what isn't. And this was sitting on the stairs, the stairs that I have gone up and down 20 times as I've been in and out of my house. And this says forgiven. And it was John 1, 9.

And that says, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Yes. And I was like this. This is my sign. I mean, I'm looking for 222 and 999 and all these other little God wings going on your path. And he's like, I'm putting it in your hands. You are forgiven.

Hello, friends. Welcome to Fed by the Fruit, a podcast focused on nourishment for the mind, body, and soul. I'm KB, a spirit-filled certified life and nutrition coach with a calling to disciple women who are hungry for more. Each week, we will learn who God is and what He wants for and from us through powerful testimonies, biblical truth, and so much more as we fuel our minds and bodies in ways that honor Him. Let's get fed.

Hello friends, welcome to Fed by the Fruit. I'm so happy that you're here. It is the first Monday of November, which means we have a powerful testimony. This is actually my sweet friend, Bree. She was actually a guest on Activate years ago. She's an esthetician, so she was sharing with us all of her skincare secrets and all of the things that she knows to keep us looking young and beautiful.

But today she has agreed to come on. Actually, I literally asked her like yesterday. And so she's here today. I want her to actually share with you. how the holy spirit basically said girl you're doing this uh so she's going to share her testimony and i'm actually just so excited to hear it i know we we talk all the time but i'm really excited to see just what you're about to share so welcome well thank you i

I cannot believe how God just put my butt in this chair today, the way that this worked out. I mean, you and I have talked. on this app, Marco Polo, if you're familiar, but it's kind of just like video messages and we kind of catch up with each other's day, tell each other the highlights, like catch up.

We've talked a lot about your podcast in the past and like, oh, you should be a guest and maybe you'll be ready to share your testimony. And I would always kind of like shrink in my seat and be like, oh yeah, maybe someday, like it's not ready yet. I haven't put it. pen to paper or we're not done. We're not done with my testimony. Like I can't share it yet. And I always kind of thought I would do it someday and get organized. And I was sharing with you that.

My Toyota Highlander and like my girlfriend, we have the same Highlander. And our biggest complaint is it doesn't. Bluetooth connect to what you last were listening to like on Spotify. It always just goes to like Apple music and I don't listen to Apple music. So it always just plays old music and it doesn't sync to where I let off. Big complaint there.

But like I got in the car the other day and fed by the fruit just started playing, which is the podcast section of like Apple. And I use Spotify. Okay, Lord, I'm listening. And you were just explaining in your Marco kind of your trials of your weekend. You're like, oh, my guest has rescheduled.

And then you're like, well, my guest totally moved to another day. Like not even just a time slot, a whole new day. And I have to have somebody by Monday. And like, what am I going to do? And I'm like, I think I'm supposed to be your guest today. Okay. No, no time. And then let's just get organized. And I'm like, I'll do it. Like, just talk like nobody's listening. Cause I think one of your biggest blocks is always like,

Am I organized enough? And who's going to listen? And do I have a testimony enough? And that's always kind of been like a little bit of like my blocks. And I've even shared with you in the past, like, am I... am I Christian enough? Do I know God enough? Do I know the Bible enough? And like, no. And like, that was always like one of my insecurities is like not knowing the Bible enough. Like I am honestly here to say I've never read the Bible.

front to back because I'm just not a reader. It's not the book doesn't captivate me. No book captivates me. Like I cannot get into reading and turning a page. My mind travels.

I don't get hooked. I don't know the stories. And so I always felt like I wasn't godly enough. I didn't know enough. And kind of that was a little bit of my tone through life. Like I grew up Lutheran. Midwestern, you know, going to more of like a cathedral-like church and you know it well. Kristen and I grew up in Iowa in very small towns and just kind of the way that our path is always connected and where we've...

branched off and ended up in life, just our whole root and our core is still Iowa. So, yeah, I mean, I grew up Lutheran as well. No surprise there. And, you know, doing like the first communion and the confirmation and going to Sunday school on Sundays and then sitting through church and not really feeling connected to anything that they said. Just like I knew I believed in Jesus.

I knew I believed in God, but I was never connected to the message that... was being shared and that's what i notice about going to now a non-denominational church just i connect so much with the message and also i'm older and wiser and you know i have had some life behind me and i think that that matters too

But I just want to quickly say, so you and me, we met and I may have said this on the last one, but it was so long ago. So we met at a community college and we were there like with our parents and we were there to like sign up for classes.

and i always say i'm drawn to pretty people and you were just you were the prettiest girl in the room and i'm like oh i want to be her friend and so i sat with you and we ended up signing up for every class the same so then we had the exact same schedule now You actually left college with a degree. And I left with, you know, a horrible idea to go back home and get married. And yeah, yes. But that's how we met. And I just I love that after all these years, because what did we actually like?

Real time, what did we spend together? A few months. Yeah. And I have just, you have just been, I cherish our friendship. We have just managed to keep this thing going through.

all of these years and thank god for marco polo because it just we just like give life updates like when you have time you update the other person when they have time they get back to you but i just i adore you i love you so much i'm so grateful that you're here And I just love that it's such a cool thing that technology can keep us.

connected because you're out you're out west i'm out east we're never in iowa at the same time spare one time one time we made that happen and we made we got to get breakfast together but aside from that i have not seen you since i was 20 years old at my wedding, I think. Yeah, I know. I know. That was probably the last time physically in the flesh besides the quick record. And then even then, I'm gone. But yeah, I mean.

We have so much. We're just still cut from the same cloth. You know, those Iowa roots are strong. Midwest girls. That's right. Yep. It's what we know. And that's how we grew up, too. It was just. I don't know. I don't even want to say like just forced, but it was just like, this is what you do. This is where you go. You know, we went to church on all the holidays and you're like a kid. So you're like, get up for Sunday school.

You know, nobody wants this. And I never really had, you know, much of a huge connection. It just felt like, you know, we said our prayers at night. We said, you know, grace before we ate. But it was like the every night, come Lord Jesus, be our guest. Let this food to us be blessed. Amen. Like if that's not the most Lutheran prayer right before dinner, how we did it. And I, you know, I grew up with my mom and my dad and my sister. And then when I was six years old, my mom.

got breast cancer and she was 36 years old and she had you know, kind of fought this battle with breast cancer, but ultimately she lost her battle when she was 41. So I, I was 11, almost 12 when my mom died and my sister was. just about 16. So she was always a little bit older than me and, you know, graduated and moved out of the house and went to college.

It just ended up being me and my dad, you know, at the house. And I was at a much younger age. So I had the gift of a lot of moms kind of stepping into that maternal role for me. Like my best friend's mom, you know, became like. my mom. I talked about boys with her. She helped me to get ready for prom and she helped me with makeup and just talking about life and boys. And that's kind of where I...

went first. I was still with my dad and we lived out on an acreage in Iowa. And so I did chores. I took over the household stuff with the ironing and the cleaning and kind of stepped into that maternal role too.

also getting a lot of independence and growing up really fast and um there was another mom that kind of stepped into my life later on and when i was about 19 i had you know a boyfriend in another town and still an Iowa boyfriend. And I got introduced to his parents. And I was so drawn to his parents, you know, whether he and I worked out or not, I was always going to stay like with his family because they just took me in in this nurturing kind of maternal way. But.

And as they were getting to know me and listening to me, the conversation of God had come up and they were asking me like, well, what is your relationship, you know, with, with God? And, you know, by then I'm like 19, I've kind of lived a. Oh, an angsty teenage life, you know, probably got into a little bit of trouble. I, you know, was underage drinking. I was, you know, not lying. I was lying. I wasn't always where I was supposed to be. I was just growing up kind of a teenager.

that was not watched. I had my dad, but my dad was a very hard worker. He worked for a big local, he worked for John Deere and he worked very hard. He traveled a lot. So I had kind of other... people's parents watching me, my grandparents watching me, but you know, no fault to his, I just didn't have a mom. So I probably got away with a lot and lived, you know, two parallel lives. And when I met.

you know, my boyfriend's parents and they were like, what is your relationship with God? And I was like, I mean, I believe in him. Like I'm, we're fine. You know, like, um, but you know, my mom died and I was kind of like, I don't get it. You know, why would he take. my mom at such a young age. And I was like, I just don't really feel God or see God. So where's my proof? All my proof to me has been that my mom died when I was younger. And that's...

kind of been my relationship with him. And the more I would go over there on the weekends, I found I would have these long conversations more with his parents, you know, sitting around the dinner table and, you know, talking about what it's like growing up without a mom. And his mom almost just couldn't believe that she was meeting somebody who didn't have a mom. You know, she was just like,

oh my gosh. And she would give me the longest hug so I could feel a mom hug. And I didn't know it so much then because I'm just 19. Now I'm maybe 20 and just like, oh, thank you. I love your hug. You know, and like it did feel good and it did feel like a good, safe space. But I just see it more now as a mom and as an adult, like how young my mom was when she died. You know, she got cancer at 36 and she died by 41.

And I'm now 45 and have outlived my mom. And I have kids of my own. And when I looked at my own kids when I was 41, and I'm like, this was the age that my mom died. And this is what she was leaving behind. And Corbin was, you know, younger. He would have been about my age and Ryder was, you know, or he was about my age, like when my mom got cancer and Ryder was about my age when.

I lost my mom and I was like, the things that she must've been going on internally and the talks that she must've been having with God, because she was kind of that. that one that drove us to church and had us praying. And I knew that that was coming more from my mom, you know, than like my dad's side. And I was connecting more dots that almost this maternal love.

was coming from my mom into, you know, Marilyn, who was my boyfriend's mom. And just like that need to reach me and to give me that like. maternal hug here on earth too. I started feeling like maybe that was my mom's energy, but knowing now it was also God's energy. He was really driving me to Jim and Marilyn.

There were a lot of talks that I'd have with Jim and he said to me, you know, like, have you ever asked God to, you know, come into your life and live in your heart? And I'm like, no, I've never asked him to. And he said, you know, I'm going to give you this prayer. And he gave me this piece of paper. And he said, whenever you're alone sometime, whenever you feel it, just lay on your bed in the dark or just listen and just read this prayer out loud.

And ask Christ to come into your heart and live through you. And, you know, kind of just let me know whenever you do it. And I was like, okay. And I, you know, I took that piece of paper home and I didn't read that prayer for a long time. In fact. There were even more conversations with Jim before I read it because another time that I met with him, we were talking about, you know, signs from God and like where I kind of was.

with my journey with him was that, well, I just don't see him. I don't hear him like, hello, what am I looking for? And he told me, you know, that there's like this invisible veil over our eyes that like God protects us from that, you know, that there is like.

kind of a world out there that we don't see. And, you know, God doesn't always show us everything for our protection. And so then I just start kind of looking at the world like very differently, like, oh, there's a veil out there of like stuff I can't see. What does he mean by that? And what's happening, you know, further beyond what I can see? And he would just plant these little seeds that just kind of made me keep thinking.

made me lay on that bed one day and read that prayer is ultimately where my conversations with Jim got me to. And I remember laying on the bed and I said the prayer and then I opened my eyes, almost like one eye. What happened? Okay, I did it. What next? What's what happens now? Lightning bolts. You know, and I told Jim that I said.

He said, how'd it go? And I said, well, I did it, but now what? And he's like, now you just wait, like now just listen. And I was like, okay. And like, that was kind of that. And, you know, and, and I just knew that. from there it was more up to me and god to where that prayer would grow within my heart it's like i said it what happened opened my eyes and everything still looked the same the room was still the same

But was I going to be the same, you know, and that was more up to me. And I was 19 then. And I went on through a lot of the rest of my life, not really. growing into that relationship with God even then. It's like I asked for it and I said the words, but now what? Where is he? Are you going to show up, Lord? What does this look like?

You know, I think it just took life. You know, we still have so much life in us and life experiences and the ones that, you know, do drop you to your knees, the blessings, the surprises, you know, the... The growing from your 20s into your 30s, like these big decades of just being human and growing, you know, are just going to happen. Yeah. And where does God fit in there? And I still don't know if I had a lot of room or noticed.

much in my life yet. I think we run so quickly through our lives with our kids. These were big decades, our careers, we're figuring out what we're going to do with our life. And when do you slow down and stop and have a relationship with God? And I really probably didn't lean into that until maybe my kids were born. And my sister had moved here to Arizona from Iowa. And we were kind of.

raising our kids closer together. Her kids are a little bit older and she wanted to get them into sports. And there's a church here called CCV, which is Christ Church of the Valley. And it's a non-denominational church. you know, huge community, lots of sports, flag football and soccer and basketball. And she got her kids into playing sports there. And she really liked the church. She's like, you've got to come, like, hear the music. Like, I love the music.

And we grew up, you know, with hymnals and reading from the Bible. And I was like, oh, I don't know if I could do church. I don't know if church is for me. But when I went. It was like the kind of music that just makes your eyes sting. You know, you're in a big auditorium with lights and the, you know, the music. And I've always been somebody who can relate to music, like, you know, being.

a young kid into punk rock and then, you know, hippie music and just all the words that you feel like I love music that lyrics have always been like a hard hitter for me. And now here you are like listening to someone sing about God. outside of, you know, the hymnal. Like I didn't really know Christian music. I had heard it, you know, here and there. And I'd even gone to a few like Christian music festivals growing up, but they were more like.

you know, kind of heavier metal bands or hardcore bands, but we had like Christian music, but it never sounded and felt like this. And it was like the music and the message that really got me hooked because for the first time I'm hearing. more of a sermon that's relatable to everyday life. I mean, when you're younger and you're sitting in the pews, you're not even listening, you're coloring and you're just like, oh my gosh, here starts the sermon and it's going to go on for 45 minutes.

So long. Yes. So long. And I think it was finally when you have some real life experience and you hear someone talk and you're like, that can actually apply to my life. you kind of start hearing more and seeing more of like God just showing up and how, oh, that can relate to me. That was a message for me. That's a relatable message. And that really, yeah, it started.

my relationship with God, because I could actually finally feel something tangible within me, you know, that I'd been asking Jim for this whole time. Like, where is he? Show me. I can't feel him. I can't see him. I think what I've noticed over, you know, just looking back on my own faith journey is that I used to, you know, question like, man, I'm just not there or I don't.

I don't feel like they feel or I don't know what they know. And I just realized that, you know, everybody's just at a different place in this journey because that's really what it is. It's just this constant, this continual just, you know. you just keep gaining wisdom. You just keep seeking and you keep finding. But when I was 19 and when I was 25, I wasn't really seeking. Sure. I believed and I, you know, like. abstractly he was there but

Like I wasn't seeking him. And so therefore I wasn't finding him. But once you start to seek him, then you start to see him in different places and messages start to connect with you. Or, you know, you read something that like really, really. affects you and you just feel it. But, you know, I think that that's kind of the cool thing about your faith journey is that I like have such a desire to know him more. And I have so much like I get excited.

every day to wake up and read my bible and to learn something new about god and so i do i pray for that all the time for him to always keep that desire in my heart because i never want to stop seeking him because that's when you start to find him yeah and

And that became another just part of like my testimony. I had more signs kind of showing up in my life. But, you know, the real. The real turn for me again was probably in like 2019, right before COVID. But this was a big boom in my life. My best friend, you know, took her own life and we grew up, you know, together. She was a huge part of that.

that friendship group where I met Jim in Maryland. These are my people. This is my hometown. You know, these are the people that raised me most of my childhood, you know. Teeny stories are with these people. And she and I had continued to stay friends. And then she kind of came back into my life towards the end of hers. And I spent a lot of time. kind of in it with her, you know, like before she lost her battle with her mental health.

There were a lot of stories I was very involved in, just really entwined in and deeply feeling with her. And I would fly back to Iowa and I would help her clean her house. I would help her get through some of these. really heavy stories and you know sometimes her stories didn't always make sense and there was a lot of pieces that were missing

And then when she took her life and all of our friends got back together and we were all kind of sharing these stories and putting the pieces together. And I realized that there was so much that... I went through with her, you know, that maybe even wasn't true. And that, that was kind of the mental health battle. Like we'll still never know, you know, the truth of a lot of the darkness.

But it never made me love her any less. It actually made me love her and understand her even more in her passing than in her life. And, you know, sometimes those...

Those really deep, dark moments can bring a lot of people a lot closer. A lot of peace comes from this and a lot of, you know, conversations start and a lot of healing. And that group of friends and I. really kind of came back together and healed each other through this tremendous loss that we just experienced and really just started kind of having bigger conversations, bigger than us, you know, bigger about life and God.

And, you know, what all this means. And, you know, I was really drawn to my friend Caitlin, you know, through this. I met her through my friends long ago. We didn't even make that connection until after our friend had passed. We became even closer and the conversations that we had to really unpack this.

was something that only she and I could have because we both went through it together. It's hard to have these deeper conversations. I've shared some with you. I've shared some with my sister. I still have my people and my core people I go to. But when you have someone who's gone through it with you, I think just her and I had a lot more worldly conversations about God and about what is...

What is bigger than us? Because we were just really dropped to our knees with this moment. And then, you know, COVID hits and it was a really deep, dark time for a lot of people. But, you know, during that time. You know, I think my marriage was struggling too. Not even him and I as a partner, but it was our careers at this time. He's a chef. My husband is a chef.

And I'm an esthetician, but the chef life comes with feeding the public. And when does the public want to eat? Nights, holidays, weekends, Mother's Day, brunch. The industry had him more than I had him at home. I never got a Mother's Day with him. I didn't have Christmas morning. I didn't have New Year's Eve. I didn't have Thanksgiving, you know, and for a decade.

of us being together and raising our kids, that was how it was. And that was a real supportive role that I played at home. Like I was his partner. I was like his cheerleader. Like you go one way, you go the other. You're our income maker and I'm our homemaker and I'm raising the kids. But after about 10 years of that, I'm just exhausted. And we are looking at each other with nothing left. We're both depleted. Yeah.

There's nothing left of him to give when he comes home because he's worked 70 hours a week. So he needs to sleep in on Saturday, but I want him up. I want him with us. I want him with the kids and we're looking at each other and my needs aren't met. And I am like, what are we going to do? Because I don't even know you and I didn't sign up to be a single parent. And, you know, we're having a really hard time and deep talks. And all of a sudden, like Chris gets this. connection through me.

Always through me. I was like, I'm connected. I just know a lot of people kind of in this area through my own job. I meet a lot of people through aesthetics and I know a lot of people. people in the area. And there was a chance to go work at this amazing resort that was out in the mountains, kind of behind our home.

you know, a connection of mine knew the owner and they just happened to be hiring at the same time. And they wrote him a letter of recommendation. He went out there and he toured the place and he was like, this is where I need to be. And he's like, this schedule and everything that they honor out here is about people's time and their families. And, you know, it is important to them just as it is important to us that we get, you know, time off.

You know, they closed the resort for a couple of months in the summer because it's too hot here in Arizona. And, you know, it's their time to do a lot of construction and maintenance. And and he was like all of a sudden getting his time back. and his schedule was going to have regular days off. And this was a resort that was only open to people who were staying there. So they didn't do Christmas morning. They didn't do Mother's Day brunch. They didn't do the Easter egg hunt.

And we got our relationship back because of that move. And it was one of those talks with God that I was just praying, like, either we're going to make it or we're not, because the way that we're running this ship right now, the engine is just maxed out and we are.

two ships in the night. We are not connecting as a couple. We're not recharging. And these kids are going to get old enough to where they start to see that you're not around because now they're getting older. And so that first 10 years. We got away with having Christmas morning on a Tuesday if we had to, but we're not going to be able to anymore. These kids are going to know of your absence. And I don't want that. And that is a big wedge in our marriage.

I feel like it was just one of those conversations that I was just having with God and like praying for my marriage and praying for Chris and that he could have a break because the man cannot go at that pace and be sustainable. And we got this change in our schedule and that brought him back home more, which gave him more time to help me. And when a man helps a woman, what does that do to your relationship? Like all of a sudden we're in love again. And I love the work that he has put in.

And the fights that we used to have about, you know, him being gone all the time, like I know in my heart, you know, now that that was just him trying to provide for us the best he can and do the most. Yeah. He was maxed out. And this career change helped like save us. And now he's present for the kids. And that could only have come from God and what I was, you know, really trying to put out there.

But that didn't come out of nowhere because there was this time around COVID and around, you know, my girlfriend's passing. And, you know, there was about four years in there. where chris hadn't really transitioned into this role and and we're still just running on empty and and i I had this night where I just got on my knees again and I just prayed to God and I asked him to come back into my heart. And I remembered that prayer that Jim gave me.

And I didn't know all the words, but I remembered the gist of it. And I just said that I cannot do this alone. And you've got to live in my heart. Keep me on your path and show me which direction to go and keep giving me the signs so that I know I'm on your right path because I can only do this like with you. And I prayed that prayer again.

And I think even then I may have opened my eyes like, did it happen? Lightning bolts? Rattles in the walls? Anything? But then the gifts started coming and Chris got his new position. You know, I just started seeing the changes more rapidly over these last, you know, I think it's been five years since that moment.

You know, the testimony, I think, gets stronger and harder even from then, because now that I've been looking for the signs and asking God to show up in my life, I look for all the fun ways that I can see God. I think I just shared with you earlier about these little angel numbers that I see and these little God winks. I call them God winks. Anytime that you see God show up in your life or something goes your way.

you know, I started just audibly talking to God in the car. I started audibly saying, everything goes my way. And like, thank you, Lord. And like the light turns green and I'm like, thank you, Lord. Everything goes my way. I'm just looking for all the little signs because that was important to me because that was my roadblock.

I always kept telling Jim, well, I don't really see him. I don't know that he's there. So I'm asking God now to show up and show me that you're here. Show me that I'm on the right path. Because Jim had always told me that there are... you know, signs from God and you have to stay on God's path. You know, God knows your path more than you do. And the more you try to control it and go this way and God wants you this way, he's going to steer you back to his path. But it's up to you as a human.

our free will to follow that right path and to see those signs that you're headed the right way. So now here, you know, I'm asking for God to show himself and give me the little winks and know that I'm surrounded and I look for those little... little winks and I look for things like, you know, the number nine, you know, as a little, as a little wink to me because the number nine in numerology means like, you know, kind of letting go of what no longer serves you, you know, what.

What in that moment when I saw the number nine or 999 was happening where I just go, you're right, God, just like let go of the things that no longer serve me. You know, it's a new start. It's a new beginning. And that's how I've really kind of led. you know, my life through these past few years is just knowing like that I'm on your path. And, and it's when those little things show up that I just laugh and I smile and I'm like, it's you God, like I see you. And, and big ways that he's moved.

in my life and in my career and in my family are all stories you know of their own and you know just recently you know over the past past few years You know, do I, do I have time to like go into my Jason story? Sure. Go right ahead. Do I have time? When in, in my neighborhood, I guess. There are a lot of kids, a lot of moms. We've lived in this house for 11 years. So my kids have really grown up in the core of their childhood on this street. And there was...

you know, a few core moms and I that would always text each other like, hey, they're headed your way, or I fed them lunch, or, you know, can you watch them while I run to Target? And we all communally kind of raised these kids. And my house and another neighbor's house ended up being the fun houses. the predominantly kid packed houses. And one day this young little extra showed up at our house and we were outside playing.

And he was a little bit older than my kids at the time. And his name was Jason. And he showed up out of nowhere. And we had lived in our house for a couple of years now. And I was like, oh, hey, like, what are you doing? And he just walked up. We're outside playing. And I'm like, where'd you come from? He's like, I live around the corner. And I was like, you do? And he's like, yeah, I'm just out looking for friends.

He just said he was out trying to find some kids to play with. And I was like, well, you can always play with us. We're always out here. And a lot of the kids in this neighborhood hang out over here. But he was 12. And so my kids were like six and three at the time. But I'm like. All of us had these kids. They were 10, 11, 12, nine, all the way down to Corbin being three. And I was like, well, we just swim. We play basketball. We hang out. And Jason started showing up.

all the time. And he would play with our kids. We'd always feed him lunch and he lived around the corner. And, you know, as we got to know him more, we got to know his life and his past more. And he had shared with us that he lived in the house around the corner, but he had been adopted. And his house had adopted a lot of kids. And some of them had a lot of medical needs. There was a lot of nurses over there.

So he didn't have a lot of siblings that he played with and he didn't really come out of his house very much. And so when Jason started coming over, we were just happy to share our house. and share experiences because I knew he didn't get a lot of that at home. His family, you know, didn't go fishing a lot. They had a lot of medically, a lot of medical need kids. So we would take him fishing. We would, you know, take him on the boat and, you know, always had him around. And as he became.

you know, 14 and 15, you know, I knew he was probably not coming home when he was supposed to get into a little trouble. Maybe it was age appropriate. Maybe some of it was bigger than I knew, but our house was always his safe house. He didn't have always a great.

upbringing at home. He would always come over to our house and eat, sometimes do his homework. Always was a good kid. Jason had shared with us that he was adopted when he was about five or six to this family so even prior to his adoption to our neighbors you know he was in another kind of traumatic upbringing until he was about five you know his parents he had shared were

Both addicts, you know, both had a past of crime and whatnot. And when he was adopted at five years old, that family changed his name.

He really opened up to us about his own personal traumas. I mean, imagine being five years old and having your name changed and having to go live with another family. And I just... had that moment too as a mom where i was like this kid has just never had um like a true mom moment where somebody really wrapped their arms around him and loved him so we just wanted to show

to him as a family. And my kids loved him. My husband would share things with him, you know, teaching him how to change a bike tire, go fishing, have experiences, just try to heal any of those little wounds that we could. But when Jason was 16.

His adoptive family essentially put him back into the foster care system. They signed over their rights to him and gave him back, essentially. where he was then raised in group homes and in foster care. And when you turn 18, you are.

essentially let go. You can sign yourself out and you are released, or you could go into, you know, an extended foster care program, but now you have to follow their rules. You have to go to school, you have to get a job. And, and for a lot of kids without that structure and the up. upbringing, they don't want to follow that path. They are just done. The door opens, they're out of the system and they just go. And during that time, I didn't talk to Jason much at all. I didn't have any.

way of contacting him i didn't know what had happened to him um so pretty much from like 16 to 19 i didn't hear from him But then when he was about 19, he reached out to me on Facebook and he wanted to share with me his successes and how he had been homeless for a long time and what that looked like for him. what he's seen and what he's gone through and how he literally jumped out of a moving car to get out of that life one night. And he ended up meeting a mentor that night.

And that was an angel completely sent to God for him because. He had literally jumped out of a moving car to get away from the life that he was living and ended up in the hospital. But when the hospital is done treating you, they open the door too. And where do you go? He still had no home. He had no structure. He had no adult in his life.

And he was hanging out in a parking lot. And his mentor, Dre, had been eating there and walked out and saw this kid in the street and was like, hey, do you need a place to go? you know, what's your story? And he kind of told him and Dre ended up being somebody who was in the system. He worked in behavioral health and he mentored, you know, his own group of.

foster kids that had aged out of the system. And he was like, you know what, if you want to call me in the morning and if you're serious about this, like, here's my number. And Jason called him the next morning and, you know. Dre got him a place to stay, worked with him through the system and like that connection. Like, who do you run into in a parking lot? You know, besides this angel who was sent to you that has his own behavioral health company and works with extended.

foster care youth and knows the system and worked to get Jason his own apartment. So Jason had called me and was so excited to share. that he was on his own. He had a girlfriend and all of the things. And so life was looking good for him and he had gotten a job, but.

And just as soon as I'd come into his life, you know, we had invited him over to Thanksgiving. He was there for Christmas because this was kind of a short time of like, hey, you're back in our life. It was right around the holidays. So we spent a lot of like.

really great moments together. I wanted to show him a Christmas, you know, got him presents and, and all of that. But then quickly, you know, his life kind of snowballed out of control and he lost his job and then he didn't have the income to pay for the apartment. And as fast as he got it was as fast as he was losing it. So it was a short time of a win. It was a fast turnaround for us.

for when he lost it, because a lot of these kids that age out of foster care, they don't have life skills. They don't know how to manage money. They don't have job skills. They're literally just children sometimes that have been raised without any kind of parent or structure. And then they're released to the world. And when Jason lost his apartment, it was.

As fast as he got it, as fast as he lost it. And I was there that morning and, you know, he was asked to leave his apartment because the rent wasn't being paid and they turn that key and you're out. And here I am with Jason in my car. And I was like, I guess just come home with me. I don't know where to put you. But I cannot let the world just eat you up. I can't. I can't. I can't tell you to go to a men's.

shelter somewhere down in the center of Phoenix. Like you are still that child that walked onto my sidewalk that day when you were 12. And I know you and I know your heart and I know your past. And you're coming home with me. And my husband and my family were just as supportive. And we had a lot of talks about.

what are we going to do with Jason right now? Like all of a sudden we have absorbed an extra kid and, you know, it was like, okay, well temporarily, like, you know, head up to the guest room, like, you know, where. where the guest room is, go get settled. Let us think for a minute. And my husband was really supportive and he was like, you know.

As long as he's doing his stuff, he can stay here and rebuild his life. And we had to get big plans and big things in order. And we wanted to get him involved in a GED. We started being that adult voice to help him lead. A lot of these kids are just paralyzed. They can't even pick up a phone. They don't know how to make an appointment. They don't know how to talk to people.

all of a sudden i'm just mom in this moment you know moms have superpowers i'm like we're gonna sit down this is who we're calling we're getting dre on the phone we're getting you know leads we're gonna find out who you're you know you're your navigators are your counselors and we're there is this program called extended foster care and

you know to get back in you are a youth of this system that has aged out you have benefits that are owed to you and money and you know systems in place that will help you get a ged and help you get a job But you don't know how to navigate it. And you tried to do it on your own when that door opened and it didn't work. So now we have Jason in our lives. And, you know, I talked to all of my kids. I've got my two boys.

And I was like, you know, what do you guys think about sharing this space with Jason? Because not only ultimately am I asking you to share your space, your bathroom, your bedroom, your video games, but I'm asking you to share your parents. We have this kid who has all of a sudden been laid at our feet. And that was no mistake. And I knew that God had given me my chance to take over raising Jason and to show him a motherly love.

Just like I was late at Marilyn and Jim's feet. And I didn't make that connection until I was older. I'm 45 years old now. And I did not know that that moment when I was 19, that that was God. drawing me to, you know, this couple that could give me that motherly hug and show me, you know, a family sitting around a table. And, you know, I didn't think I needed it at the moment because my shell was so thick and so hardened.

i had done it my own way my whole life i've raised myself like yeah i i see it now and i knew that that was my calling and regardless of what anybody else thought in the bigger picture I had Jason in our home and with us, and it was our time and our family collectively that had to agree to take over this task. And start building his foundation in his adult life because he was 19, but developmentally probably 15. And, you know, you think about your own kids and.

when they're at these milestones of like 15, 16, and how we have to parent them and shape them and guide them so that they can be good citizens in this world. And Jason had no foundation. Everybody that was given... a chance to take over his care had failed him, you know, and maybe no fault of their own, you know, I'm not, I'm not here to judge their stories and how they ended up that way, but I just know.

from him as a little boy born into this world who was given up at five years old, given a new identity, but adopted into a family that didn't have the means to care for him either. They had adopted a lot of children and some of them had bigger needs than... he had and you know his behavior started becoming a problem so they gave him back to the system.

And the system that failed at raising him too. They're overpopulated. There's no one to teach them adult skills or life skills. And a lot of those kids are not capable of sitting down in classrooms and learning. You know, it's a whole broken system of its own. And so now here he is back at my front door, back where we met. And it's our chance to take him back in and show him love and structure and try to set him up for success and get all of his adult things in order.

And, you know, that time with him did not come without its challenges. You know, we're bringing in a kid that is not ours, who is not raised in our family. who has always done things his way, his own way. And I have to put a little parenting structure on him. And so it was not easy.

I did bring him back to church and to CCV a lot. And there were times where I would hear a service on a Saturday and they repeated that service on Monday. And I'm like, this message was for Jason. You're coming on Monday and you're sitting next to me and you're going. going. And the way that Jason and I would talk was always on a very profound kind of level. We had our own kind of connection where I could really peel back those layers and talk to him like a mom and like a mentor.

And we would talk about God and we would talk about the stories that Jim would tell me about how to find God and to look for the signs and to be on the right path. And the path that he's been following has not been. a godly path and he has to get back on, you know, this side and, and just trying to help Jason see, you know, some of that veil being lifted and, and the peace and, and.

Just knowing the life that he's lived being homeless is always going to be a life that I will never understand. I didn't go through that experience. But what I could share with Jason was that you will not be alone. And when you are out there, you know, on your own and you're afraid or you don't know who to turn to or you don't know what to do next, like you've always got God with you and you can use your voice and you can talk to him.

I could see some of those like, really? Like kind of light bulb moments. And there were times where I'd say things to Jason and he would say, nobody's ever said that to me before. And then I would just say, you know, like, I love you. And he would say like, nobody's ever said that to me before. And I just knew that no matter what this looked like, you know, to anybody else, and that was always kind of my wall a little bit too, was like.

All of a sudden I took in the neighbor kid again, and he's living in our house. And I had to let all of those outside stories just close off because I knew what God was asking me to do. And the money that I poured into Jason and the time I poured into Jason was, you know, something that you and I had talked about even. Is that being my tithe and this being my charity? This was the place that I was pouring myself into. It may not be the traditional way that you tithe to a church.

And so that was another block in my own stories. Like, am I Christian enough? I'm not doing enough. My money's not going here. I'm not following all these rules. And it was you who really helped share with me that it. doesn't always fit in this box of what this looks like, that I am doing my God calling work. And this is my way of sharing. And, you know, we...

We would talk to our boys, you know, about the good times and the bad times and kind of what they were seeing, you know, and what they were experiencing. Because like I said, it wasn't easy. And sometimes there would be some real challenges. And those were always good. parenting moments to me to share with my own kids. And then when it got really hard in the end and we all had to go our own way and, and.

I didn't get out of it what I thought I was going to get out of it. And I had a whole different vision of like what this will look like and what I need out of it. gosh, he's going to get his GED and we're going to get a job and an apartment and this is going to be a win and I'm going to set him up for his life. And it didn't go that way at all. And I was like,

broken and like Jason left our house and we didn't leave on very good terms, you know, because we, I was trying to shape him one way and he was, you know, pulling a different way and now he's 20 and, and it was just his time. Like I. It was his time to go out and be on his own. And I just had a different vision of like, as a mother, what I wanted for my, my extra son. And when it didn't come out that way, I thought like, maybe I failed or.

You know, now he's just going to go back to being homeless because he chose that. He chose to leave our house and that's where he felt more comfortable and he wanted to do it his way. And we had some turmoil in there. There was a good chunk. where I just didn't know if that time together was worth it. Like we left with a lot of broken hearts, broken pieces, and it didn't end the way I thought. And Jason and I didn't speak kindly to each other in the end.

You know, I'm not in a yelling family. I don't yell at my kids. My kids don't yell at me. We've worked very hard at that. And like, here I am with this kid, just locked horns, you know, and we would have really yucky. ending conversations that I wasn't proud of that weren't even coming for me. And I was like, what, what, what is happening? And like, I'm not even who I'm, who I am as, as a mother. I don't, I don't mother this way. And, and.

And we, you know, blew up at each other one day and, you know, he didn't come home for two weeks and, you know, I was broken and I, but I was like, my, my kid is out there in the darkness in the night and I don't know where he is. It was still this mothering.

piece of me that I was like, that is not us. And I need to mend that relationship. And I always held space for him as he navigated his life out there, you know, now without us. And I would still, you know, be there for him. And I would still. show up when he needed me, but we were just in a very different space. And that relationship took a long time to heal.

Jason was always one of those kids that I would have those godly connections and those talks with. And we would always talk about numbers. And I was kind of helping him see. where God does show up because he was starting to connect to like little numbers where he would text me and he'd say, I saw, you know, 333 and 111 and, and all of those little numbers. If you ever look them up, they have little messages.

You know, sometimes they're just little winks that say the actual number means like you're on the right path or, you know, your finances are, you know. abundant or secure, or this is a good financial move. And so Jason and I would text each other these little winks and have those good conversations. The number nine was another one that I had shared earlier. And when Jason left our house, it was nine months that he had been with us. it was the beginning of 2025 and if you add up two and like

Let's see, what was it? Like 25 is like the number nine, like 2020. Two and two and five is nine. Yeah. It was like somewhere in there. And so I was like, and the number nine is like, give up. and surrender what no longer serves you like what you no longer need

And Jason didn't need me anymore in this way. Like he needed to go out on his own. Like he was giving up what no longer served him. And I was giving up what no longer served me. And he and I were able to have that conversation. And I would like, you know, say to him like. later when we were actually able to have good conversations.

Like, do you know that you were with us for nine months? And he'd be like, no way. And I'd be like, yeah, like you made it to nine and no longer served you. And it wasn't where you're supposed to be anymore. And I raised you through that time when you needed your.

He needed to regulate really is what it came down to that time when he was with us. He was coming off of being homelessness and trying to, you know, be on his own and have his own apartment and, you know, going through, you know, a hard breakup.

his poor little central nervous system. Like he just needed love and he needed to breathe and he needed to sleep and he needed to be fed. And then he and I started talking more about. like the real look behind the curtain, like what was your experience like when you lived with us? Like, you know, I know you think that your help didn't help me, but it.

really helped me more ways that you know and he's like i know that god's got me and i know that like i'm not alone and this is the path that i'm supposed to be on and he repeats a lot of what i say which means he hears and he listens to what i say And he shared that. Yep. He would say, you, you helped me more than you think you did. And, and there are times now when.

I'm talking to people who are in a tough time and they will say to me, you are wise beyond your years. Like you speak so eloquently. And, you know, he said to us, there just came a time. When your house was too oriented and, you know, the opposite of oriented is disoriented and he lives better in the disoriented chaotic life. He's comfortable there.

He's comfortable there. And that is what he knows. And he was like, your family was too oriented. Like we had it together a little too much. And I wanted to just raise him to get a job and to go to school. And, you know, like I would raise my own. And I thought that's what I needed out of this whole journey. I thought that's why God brought him to me. Like, oh, you're going to turn him into, you know, a good law abiding citizen and he's going to come out with a GED.

And then I realized just hearing it through Jason that what he got out of me was maternal, like maternal love, parenting, a home, sleep, rest, food, safety. I met different needs. the basic needs that we need as humans that he didn't have out there living in parks and apartments that were abandoned and he was jumping around.

And God just brought him back to me. And he laid this broken boy at our feet. And he was like, it's your turn. You've got to be able to help carry him and heal him. And I gave him that nine months and that time. And then it just no longer served me.

And it no longer served Jason. He was ready to go out on his own. He was going to be 21. He had to go be a man in the world. And now he has to go live his life because I don't have control. I don't have control over his life as much as I wanted to shape it. And I saw a bigger picture and I saw a better life for him. He had to go out on his own. And that day that he and I were actually able to sit down and talk, this wasn't actually too long ago.

And he just said to me, like, you've carried me through so much, but it's okay to let me go now. I was just sobbing. And I was like, thank you, God. Like, this was the conversation that I really wanted. I wanted to hear this. I felt like I left with an emptiness. I didn't get anything out of this, Lord. I got him a driver's license. That's it? That's all I have to show? I thought I had a different vision that I was going to set him up for.

And then I just realized that God's got it. And my role was to bring him closer to God and pass him over and bridge that gap for Jason and just be his parent. That's so good. Yeah. And, you know, my boys got to play a part in that. My husband had to play a part in that. But ultimately, it was always kind of my project. It was my mothering project that I had to.

kind of see through and give this boy a foundation that would not fall out from underneath him. And that's truly what God does to all of us. What I've seen, what I had to learn first, I had to have my own foundation before I could teach somebody else or to be there for somebody else. And I had spent all this time.

you know, talking to God and asking, like, show me the signs, because my biggest hang up when I talked to Jim was, well, I don't really see him. Like, I don't know. What am I looking at? And then, you know, God starts showing me the fun stuff like little winks. Here's a little, you know, 999. Here's 111. I'm with you. You're on the right path. And I'm looking for that. You show up behind a license plate, you know, the car in front of you and it says 111. And I'm filled with.

joy. I'm like, there you are, God. Like, I hear you. Thank you for the little message today. Thank you for the wink. And I just think that that's fun, vibrant way to just like praise him every day without being so, you know. It's just between me and him. I thought maybe my relationship had to look so differently and maybe I wasn't doing it right enough. I haven't read the Bible. I'm not a good enough Christian. I don't tithe to the church. I didn't think that I had a testimony.

I didn't think that I had a seat at this table. Like it's my, my testimony is not ready. I'm not Christian enough. The lies, the lies we tell ourself. Yeah. Yeah. And it's all just, yeah. Yeah. the veil and see where he really is and how he shows up in your relationship. Right. Amen. That's so good that I'm so glad you talked about Jason because that was so powerful. I do want you, we're right at an hour, but I still want you to finish up with.

the story of what's been going on in your life just recently. And because I love your perspective on it and I can so relate to it. So I just want you to share that. I know it's not a quick story, but.

As quickly as you can. As quickly as I can. My family suffered a garage fire over the summer. It completely just flipped our life upside down because all of a sudden, we can't go home. We have nowhere to stay. You can't stay in the house, so where else are we going to go? And we were able to luckily... move into my in-laws house. But the, you know, the sad part of that is we had recently lost my mother-in-law a few months before to an aortic aneurysm, which is, you know, something that.

share a very big story about, but you know, I called you that day and I was like, she didn't make it like, and you know, you did just a, a huge. big picture of like what life could have looked like and unfortunately for us like yes you know grandma laurie didn't make it through hers and we had that huge hole in our heart and our family and you know it grandpa dave was in deep mourning like

that was so sudden and so unexpected. We had no idea that that was going to happen. And just one day she's there and then she was gone. And then we had about four months of just living in this kind of sadness. And then we have this house fire.

and we've got to move into grandpa dave's house and so in order to do that we've we've got to help grandpa dave move a lot of things out of the house you know of grandma's to make room for us and to give ryder his own room and to help you know make this space livable to expand for all of us and

And Grandpa Dave, you know, was like very grateful for that. He's like, you did more in two days than I do in two years, because eventually you have to kind of move through these things and these big mature. materialistic things that we really don't have attachments to. Like sometimes they just got to go, we've got to make space and we've got to be able to clean things out. And as quickly as like, you feel like this morning, all of a sudden you feel like.

there's a reason and we got to start moving. And now I'm looking at my house that has just, you know, been taken down to the studs in the garage and I have lost so many material things. Like they just give me this list that now has. almost 1400 items on it of things that they threw away that did not make it out of this fire. And, and we're just digesting this and we're like, our things are just gone. And, and then we're.

kind of making this, you know, sudden connection to that, like Grandma Lori had a lifetime of stuff in her house that really has no meaning to us anymore. And we've just got to move it out fast so that we can move in. And these material things that we're just like dumping from our house and from grandpa's house, you just realize there's no meaning to these items. Like we're safe, our family's safe, our dog is safe. They don't mean what we think they mean.

And, you know, the big blessing out of all of this is like. I get to have a new space. They're gonna paint my house. I'm gonna have a clean house. I'm gonna get new beds. They threw my beds away. I'm gonna get some new rugs. But the bigger thing is they just cleaned out a lifetime of my stuff that I didn't need and that I've been hanging on to and that I had so much value on. And all of us are going to pass someday and leave this behind to our kids.

just like Lori did. And we had closets and a lifetime of stuff in the garage and things of her stuff that all of a sudden we have no attachment to because it's got to go. And we're just hauling it to goodwill and we're giving it away and giving it to people who want it and need it.

And this is happening at my own house. And we are just cleansing all of our lives. And now we're here with Grandpa Dave and, you know, he's healing. The house is, you know, noisy again. We're feeding him. We're, you know. a bigger, stronger foundation because we lost our matriarch. We lost Lori. She was the mother of all of us. And now that role is kind of mine.

You know, the way that our family has just been able to detach from all of this, our kids are following kind of our suit. I think a lot of people are like, how are the boys doing? You know, they lost all of their things to their their dirt bikes, their boys. Let me let me interrupt you, because I think when people hear you say we had a garage fire, they're not understanding fully that your garage burned, but it affected your whole entire house. So when you say we had a garage fire.

Everything in your house basically had to be thrown away. You could not go back in. They came in and literally just... I think you had mentioned to me that you thought, oh, they'll be able to like clean all of these things, right? Because it's the smoke and it's the whatever, I'm sure whatever they spray to get the fire out, like these things are just everywhere. But what you then came to find out is like.

they basically threw away your entire life. And I know that, you know, we had, we had so many back and forths about this. And like, just as you processed, like, oh my gosh, like you love Halloween. And so here we are, you know, this time of year and it's like.

you used to host all the parties and you had all the decorations and all the things and that's gone. And that was like part of your identity and it's gone. And like all your makeup and your skincare and like your breathe, the esthetician and all, it's all gone. And your children. all of their things are gone. And it's just like, you know, you could have really sat and wallowed and asked God why after this hard year, we lost Grandma Lori, all of this with Jason, you know, like.

And you you're as you sat with it and as you processed it and. you know, as God helped you through it, you just started saying like, thank God we have this fire. Like, I am so grateful for this fire. And I just can relate to it so much because it's exactly how I feel about, you know, my aneurysm. Like, thank God. And I feel actually so blessed and lucky, if that's a word we're allowed to say, that it happened to me.

Like, I'm so grateful that I, that this is my story. And I just see you like leaning so into that. And you're like, thank God this happened. Like, we don't need all that stuff. And, you know, now I get, you have like this, just you're excited. You get to move back into a clean house and with new paint and like you're redoing the bathroom and like, just, it's such a blessing, you know, like we can, we can just look, it's, it's like.

Everything in our life, depending on the way you look at it, it can be it can be good or it can be bad. And it literally is just based on your mindset around what it is. That's so true. That is so true. It is about your mindset. and it was out of my control and i couldn't control it and somebody made the choices for me when they started throwing stuff away i was like okay there you know i have no control i don't i don't need it and i can choose to rebuy it or just

you know, be grateful that that weight has lifted. And once all your clutter is clean, I think your life feels lighter. And so like, if truly to share with everybody, just clean everything out, you know, even if it's such a. analogy for everything, like life and cobwebs in your closets, both spiritually, mentally, physically, everything. Just clean out your closet and just get rid of it. Give it to God. Give it to Goodwill.

It just, that's right. God, give it to Goodwill. I love it. That needs to be the name of this episode. So good. No, it really is. It's so amazing. I've been so. So proud of you just as you've just gone through all of this. And even with the Jason stuff, you know, as you're talking, I'm almost like too, like you made so many correlations of like, oh, you know, Jim shared this with me. And it's like, I started thinking like, oh my gosh, like you.

you may have like healed little Bri too, you know, because like you got to swoop in and heal this, this kid that didn't have a mom. And he needed one. And you were that kid who didn't have a mom and you needed one. That's just such a beautiful story. And just like such a full circle moment and just such a beautiful, you know. way to see God working in the world. And also just the idea of you saying like, no, God, like.

that wasn't what I needed out of that. And it's like, all I was thinking is his ways are better, right? Like his thoughts are not your thoughts and your ways are not his ways, but his are better. And so it's like, no matter how that ended up, that was his plan for. Jason and his plan for you.

I just am so grateful that you came on here to share all this. Like without question, the Lord was like, listen, you're going on this podcast. I'm playing it in your car and it's happening tomorrow. I'm not giving you any time to back out or to overthink this. No, you did. You did try. You said, I don't know about my Wi-Fi. And, you know, it's been I've been praying this whole time because it's been a little spotty, but I think it's going to be fine. But I was like.

Oh, it sounds like you had a conviction that you were going to do it. And then you talked yourself out of it by giving yourself an excuse. And so I'm so proud of you for showing up. It's so true. It's so true. It is. It is so true. And this next.

little piece. I'm going to make it quick, but this will just be the wrap it all up because when you asked me- Wrap it up with a bow. Wrap it up with a bow. You said, do you have a favorite Bible verse? And I was like, that always kind of- scared me like no because i've never read the bible like i don't know it enough and i when you said you know you know do you have a favorite bible verse you want to share and i was like yes i do and i finally do because when um

My son went to CCV Bible camp over the summer. He came home and he was like, oh, mom, I found this for you. And he gave me this little wooden plaque and it says forgiven. And I was like. Why did he pick this up at camp and come back and be like, oh, look what I found for you.

And I was like, because this is my sign from God. When I kept asking Jim, like, where are the signs? Show me the signs. Like, I need to know he's real. I need to see him. My son is coming back from church camp and handing me this. And he doesn't know that I've been on my knees saying, I am sorry.

God for my actions, for the things I've done, for the things I've said, just I can't do it my way anymore. I've got to do it yours and like live in my heart. And here I am getting this message handed to me that says forgiven. So that enough, like. shook me to my core so i throw this in my nightstand where it's always lived and i never really thought about it again my nightstand has like you know my bite guard for sleeping you know some chapsticks and

eye masks and this in there and whatnot. And so then the fire comes and they are just taking stuff out. I don't know what is left in my house in boxes somewhere, even to this day. We're still not in the house. It's been three months. I have been in and out of this house a hundred times. It is completely empty. It has been, you know, when they first moved everything out, there was stuff all over the floor. You know, if dog hair and chapsticks and.

ink pens and things. And then all of a sudden the house is clean and I'm going up and down the stairs and this was sitting on the stairs at the top of the stairs. And I was like, God. I thought, I didn't even know that I had lost this or even thought that I lost this, but this would be something I would grab out of a burning house now because they have been in and out of my house, more people than I know. They have dumped drawers. They have packed things.

I don't know what's left and what isn't. And this was sitting on the stairs, the stairs that I have gone up and down 20 times as I've been in and out of my house. And this says forgiven. And it was John 1, 9. And that says, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Yes. And I was like this.

This is my sign. I mean, I'm looking for 222 and 999 and all these other little God wings going on your path. And he's like, I'm putting it in your hands. You are forgiven. That is so good. And even just the symbolism of purify after a fire. And there are other translations that say cleanse. Right. And so it's just like. All of these things, every story you just told. I mean, it's like a cleansing is happening in your life.

you've gotten rid of so much and you've made room for God in your life. And I know that it's translating into your kids. You shared with me some very sweet things about your son and just God is so good. Yeah. And really, when you start listening and looking and he's there, he's just waiting for you to.

you know, let your guard down and start talking to him. And that was hard, I think, for me, because I always felt silly. I was like, oh, I don't know how to pray. I don't know how to talk to God. And so I would just start in the car. And sometimes I would. start in my head. I was like, well, he can't hear me if I'm just thinking, do I got to say it out loud? Like, I didn't know the rules. I thought there was all this like structure. I used to say a prayer at night, blow it to heaven. I go.

I'm thinking I had to get it up there. I used to think that if you said amen, it was like you were hanging up the phone. And so like, if you remembered something after, like it was just like, gotta wait till tomorrow. You already said amen. Oh goodness. But there actually, there aren't any, there aren't any. So thank you so much for sharing all of that.

That was so, oh, it just, the whole thing, just my heart was so full just listening. You did a great job and I'm so grateful and I love you and I just cherish you. I love you and I hope that. Everybody, you know, that has their testimony to share. It's not too big. It's not too small. It's it's all like absolutely all real. And everybody can. feel like they can share it without being like scared and like that they're not worthy enough to have one.

That's right. And our testimony is not about us. Our testimony is about glorifying God. And you know, that's why he gives us one. So I'm so again, grateful for you. I love you. What a wonderful testimony from Bree. There are so many layers to her story. And I know that much of it continues to be written. So I can't wait to hear just what the Lord does. In fact, there's been an update even since she and I finished recording.

that hopefully she can come back on and share with you one day about Jason. But if you feel led, please keep Bree and Jason in your prayers. Our memory verse for November. November? How did we get here? is 2 Corinthians 10, 5. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. Thank you again for being here. Happy Monday. Later.

Leave a five-star review on iTunes and come hang out with me on Instagram at fedbythefruit. I'd love to connect with you there. And most importantly, I'll see you right here next week. Come hungry, get fed.