Open Mouth. Insert Foot. Handling Awkward Questions

cancer Awareness month. You know I support breast cancer awareness because I am a survivor diagnosed in two thousand and nine. Knock wood doing Okay, I'll be doing a show on that. But to all of you who are surviving and thriving, I give you a hug. It is also strange in the world of wine and food, a strange month called sober October where people are not drinking. I'm not sure why, because I'm a believer in mindful moderation and responsible consumption

of alcohol every day of the week. But if it makes you feel disciplined for this thirty one days not to drink in preparation for drinking like crazy during the holidays, go for it. There's some great non alcohol all alcohol free options out there. It's also come over October because some folks in the wine business became alarmed that sobriety was being embraced at a key selling time in the wine business, which also happens to be harvest in the

Northern Hemisphere. Come Over October is to encourage people to enjoy wine in a social situation with friends. I support that. I support enjoying wine responsibly with food and with friends. I try to do that all the time with dinner parties and never drinking and driving always have a lift or uber, so they're all sorts of things. It's also a Hispanic Heritage Month. Love it. I salute and honor all Latino, LATINX Hispanic. Just an article on this, there's

many terms. I really respect and honor and appreciate what people of all backgrounds have brought to the United States. I really do that did yesterday David and I celebrated International Taco Day with tacos and I had a cocktail, a seafood cocktail. There's a lot going on. There's also a little big thing in the country. Well, first of all, for those who celebrate Lashaunatova, the Jewish high Holy Holidays starts today today is October two, twenty twenty four. I

have a Jewish heritage. My father was more developed than my mother and me, but I honor it. And this is a very important week to Jews to reflect on what has been and what will be, and to focus on doing the concept of mitzpah, which is doing a good deed. The way it goes is God opens a book. And when I was a little girl, I saw God, you know, big God up in heaven. He had a

big crown in his head. He opened this giant book and I was so scared because my mom would say, well, you know, if you've been bad all year, he's going to write your name in the book, and then he will close it on young Kapor, and everybody in the boast is going to die. The boy was I scared, so I ran around to be nice to people all week so that my name wouldn't be in the book. I'm grown up now, and I still believe in the concept of mitzvah, not just during this week, but every day.

Try to make someone's life better by saying something nice. And that's what we're going to talk about today, how not to open your mouth and insert your foot, because a lot of people are doing that now. A lot of people just don't know what to say anymore, and a lot of people are saying just the stupidest things and sharing just the stupidest things on social media without fact checking or checking their words. So we're going to talk about that because what you say can be interpreted

many ways, and people are uber super sensitive. Now. I mean, we do have something going on in the United States called a presidential election. Boy, words can be taken and shaped and spit out and regurgitated in a lot of ways. We all saw that in the president debate and the Vice presidential debate where suddenly, as we know, we were all afraid of Haitians in Ohio eating pets. Okay, you know, weird.

It was weird, But that's an example of how you got to really watch with just say, because it became a farce and it became it's not a fact, it's a fallacy, but it became like the news story. And you don't want something stupid that you say to become You don't want to become the news of all these days. Let me just tell you, but you certainly don't want to become in the news because you said something absolutely insane, weird and stupid. More importantly, a lot of people are

suffering right now. I just can't stand it. I try so hurt every day to wake up and be positive, but you know, we've got this looming war in the Middle East. I feel for everybody in that beautiful fertile crescent. It is beautiful. I feel for everybody. We've got our friends from the Floridas to the Carolinas and southern Appalachian Virginia who've been impacted by Hurricane Helene and tyres hounds have been wiped out. We have friends who are suffering

because they've lost loved ones, they're struggling financially. There's so many reasons, which is why on today's show, we're going to talk about how to be sensitive and be caring and use and choose your words carefully so they help heal and don't hurt. And this is important. It's important socially, it's important for people's mental health, it's important for your career, and in business, it's important if you're dealing with different

people from different backgrounds. I just did an article for a wine publication on how to market to multi cultural audiences, which means people who are not you know, who are from different countries. And one of the things that you know, one of my resources set is choose your words carefully because what you think is okay to say in your language and your country and your culture may not be correct or interpreted well in another country. I could go

on about that. Because we traveled to Italy a lot, we've seen some of the funniest things. It's just usually interpretations. You know. I know that I introduced my husband as my wife because I got the word confused in Italy and everybody laughed at me. I know, once I was. I was on lunch in Italy and I used a word that I thought was a good word but actually meant, you know, woman's vagina, and everybody laughed at meet the table, and I was under the table with embarrassment. So sometimes

it's just you don't know the language. But if you know the language and it's your language, choose the language you know, choose your words carefully. So we're going to start it like this. We're going to start about questions you should probably never ask anybody and what you should ask instead. Okay, and you may have been asked these questions and you know what I'm talking about. Let's start with eating and drinking. Okay, everybody loves eat and drink.

A lot of people are sensitive about their weight. A lot of people don't want to hear about your diet. They don't want to hear about oh I'm so fat. They just want to enjoy your food. So a couple of things. First of all, as I said, it's sober or October, you should never ask someone why aren't you drinking? It's really none of your business. There are many reasons people choose not to consume alcohol. They could be religious, they could be pregnant. There could be health reasons. They

may not want to drink and drive. They may not feel like drinking, they may be embracing sober curiosity, or maybe they're recovering from a drinking problem. It really is none of your business, and so don't ask. Just say, I say you're not drinking. A better way to say it is would you if you do, what would you like to drink? And let them say I would like a non alcoholic cocktail or so. And then don't say, oh, you don't want alcohol, just say sure, let me get

it for you. And if you're entertaining at home, always have no alcohol options. So never ask someone why they're not drinking. People ask me that all the time, and I drink wine all the time, but there's some days I don't want to drink, or I'm the designated driver and I don't feel like I need to explain myself. That's number one. And remember it's sober October this month,

so that's a good one. Ah. Don't you hate it when you go out to dinner and somebody goes, I really shouldn't be eating this, But well, don't say it. Just shut up. And on the flip side, You should not look at somebody and go are you really eating that? Like maybe they're eating and unfortunately I have done that with my husband. Maybe you know you have a loved one

wink wink who says he wants to lose weight. Wink wink, And then you go on this big trip and he loads his plate up with salumi, bacon and everything possible that's high and saturated fat. Well, you love that person. You could say are you really going to eat that? And that person's gonna be pissed at you and say, shut the you know what up, I'll do what I want. So, rather than even sounding judgmental, just don't ask are you

really eating that? Let them eat it. It's their body, their choice, their problem if they get sick, same with should you be eating that? Oh? I hate it when people ask me that, h or drinking that. No, I should not be eating a lot of cheese. It really upsets my stomach. But damn it, I like cheese and I'm gonna eat it and don't tell me not to. So don't ask judgmental or perceive judgmental questions about a

person's choice about what they're eating and drinking. Unless and there's always an unless unless you know for a fact that they have a severe health situation or a allergy

that could be impacted by what they're eating. Perfect example, if you know a loved one has an allergy to dairy or shellfish or peanuts, and you know for a fact that the dish contains that, you should speak up and say, honey, friend, whoever love you, just want to let you know that that dish I believe contains or may contain, let's check something you're allergic to, and I just want to make sure you know that before you

put it in your mouth, because I care. Same if you know someone has a drinking problem and they're reaching for alcohol or maybe they've had too much to drink, the better thing to say is, you know, I think it's time for us to maybe switch to something else. I know I need to how about you let's get some water, or just say you know what, I could use some water. Now, how about you let me bring you some and fill up that big glass handed to them and slowly while they're not paying attention, to move

the drink away. Okay, So if impacts their health or the well being of that person or others, it is okay. To say something, because you should speak up, but don't be judgmental. If they're just having a good time eating and drinking, okay, lifestyle. Oh, this happens to me all the time. So when I was single, people would always ask how does it feel to be single for so long? Okay, that's rude. It's also rude to say why aren't you married? Like,

what's your problem? I don't feel like anyone has to explain why they're not married, and you're putting people on the spot. Maybe they don't want to be married, maybe they never found the right person, maybe they are unlucky in love. It's really none of your business. Why don't you have children? Or when are you going to have children?

Or when are you starting to plan a family? Get I used to get that all I still get that, And I'm sixty five and I've been menopausal for like fifteen years and people are still asking me why I don't have a family or why I didn't have children, And you know, I don't really want to get into well, I was forty eight when I got married, and then I got cancer at fifty and then I went into menopause, and I didn't really want to have children as a

single woman. I could give a whole long winded explanation, but really it's none of your f you know what business, right, So don't ask people about their lifestyle decisions, whether they're married, they're single, whether they're dating a man or a woman, or they're having children they're not having children. I did a piece called not being a mother doesn't make me

any less of a woman. It got picked up by a zillion Huffington posts and I didn't get paid for all that, sadly, but it deserve a purpose that you are wonderful no matter what. You are an amazing woman, whether you're a mother or not. And if you don't want to be a woman, that's your business too. Okay, So lifestyle and another one. I get this now, why are you still renting? Why aren't you buying a house? Well, it's none of your business, you know again, none of

your bease, wax. I don't own a house. I had two houses. They were like nooses around my neck. All I did was seem to repair them. I don't like mortgages. I could go on and on why I don't own a house, but it's really not anyone's business but my own. Why I choose to rent. And you shouldn't ask anyone who is still renting why they're not owning. You shouldn't ask anyone who says they're having financial problems why they

don't do a reverse mortgage. If people complain about their money, just let them complain, but don't offer your nine thousand opinions or say, well, maybe you spend too much, maybe you're not saving enough. People probably know what they're doing wrong, and frankly, if they know they're having financial problems, they should see a professional financial advisor and not let you

lay guilt trips on them. I think that's really important because a lot of times, when you think you're offering helpful advice and asking helpful questions, you're laying the guilt trip. And let me tell you, nobody wants to take a guilt trip. They want to take a vacation. So somebody's complaining that the vacation costs too much, then don't give them a guilt trip, okay by saying well you shouldn't have taken it, Why I just spent so much money? You know at that point you spend it. Just let

them bitch and don't say anything. Career are you still in the same old job, or when are you getting a promotion? Or why do you staying in that job? Or how much money do you make? Or lazy? No? Can I pick your brain? I love what you do. Can I pick your brain? I could go on and on about that. You know, a lot of people may complain they're at dead end jobs. A lot of people may say they want to switch jobs. A lot of

people may like their jobs. But it's not your choice to give your opinion or judgment on what they're doing for work unless they ask you for it. If somebody says, what do you think I could do better than what I'm doing now? We are considering my talents, then and say, wow, I'm so impressed you ask me that. I'm honored. I'd love to help you. If you don't mind, I'll give you some of my own thoughts. You can use them

any way you want. I am sure. My husband is sick and tired of me talking about the nine million changes I want to make in my life. In fact, he sighs wearily and simply says, just shut up and write your book, because that's really what you want to be doing. Okay, That's how he handles it. He also, I noticed puts earplugs in his ears, and half the time I'm talking to him, he doesn't hear what I'm saying because he's listening to music. Ever happened to you, Yeah? Right?

So with career, you know a lot of people are really happy in their career. You may not approve of their career, but if they're happy, I'm so happy that you love your job and career, I'm happy for you. That's a great line to say. I'm genuinely happy for you. How wonderful that you love your job. I'm happy for you. It doesn't mean you need to launch into how miserable you are in your job. It doesn't mean to say, oh, if you're so happy with your job, can I get

my niece to interview with you. It just simply just say I'm happy for you. Okay, keep it simple. Okay. This is some of my big pet peas, and they all happened to me recently. So my mother, God bless her, she died. I was her caregiver. It was hard. I've talked about it on some of the shows here. She left me her house and I could choose to live in it or I could choose to sell it. I chose to sell it because, you know, I didn't want to have to deal with all the repairs. I don't

need to explain why I chose to sell it. Again, a lot of people said, why are you selling the house? And here we go again, I'd have to explain when I'm selling the house. It's really none of your business. I'm choosing to sell the house. And then the worst is how much would you sell your house for? Well it's probably public knowledge anyway, but to this day people still hound me about it. I know what I got

for my house, what's it good for your house? Well, it's like asking me how much money I make, and you know, what's your income or how big is your portfolio or you know. I don't like probing financial questions. I don't like hearing about others people's financial acumen. Good for them, but you know, I really think you've got to be very careful when you talk to people about money, because everybody has different relationships with money and their own

personal finances. And you never want to make someone feel uncomfortable because they're not comfortable talking about their finances. I am a perfect example. I don't like talking about money. I don't like dealing with money. I don't like being asked about money, and I don't like it on the table, and don't ask me. But people still ask me all the time, And all those people are getting unfriended because I'm done, don't want to be bothered. So another one.

This one kills me and also has happened to me. Your physical look. A lot of people love how they look, a lot of people hate how they look. A lot of people complain about how they look. If they complain about how they look, it's not for you to agree and go, yeah, I agree, you're not looking so great these days. Just shut up and let them complain that. They're not asking you for your opinion, they're just spouting off. Perfect example. Had I felt bloated today, I said, I'm

so bloated. My husband knows just to shut up and go, yeah, you gained weight, you should be losing it. We have a packed here at the Young Ransom House that you know, when we talk about weight, the other person just shuts up. Okay, we know what the situation is. We don't need to remind each other. We just let it go. But this morning, when I woke up, I realized I started talking about an egg of pain and a bloat, and I said to myself, Wow, I'm starting to sound like my mother.

She did that every morning, and it was annoying because you didn't know what to do. Agree with her, nod your head, shake your head, offer her medication, and in the goal of not becoming my mother in my advancing age, I silently said to myself, Melanie, when I wake up every morning, I will not talk about my physical feelings and my physical aches and pains. They're there, but I don't need to share same with Never ask someone if they've put on weight. They probably have and you don't

need to ask that. And worse, when does your baby do? I remember, I swear to God, there was a period where I had put on weight, not sure why, but I know stress was part of it. And I had what you call the bulge, kind of like what I'm having right now. And it could be diet, it could be stressed, it could be hormones, it could be my town. Whatever it is. You have the muffin top that maybe could be the little bulge that could look like a

baby bump. And literally, somebody came up to me at a social event and patted my stomach and asked me when I was due. I was due nowhere except ready to go home. I was ready to do home, to just put my head under a pillow, and I just said, nah, just fat. She was embarrassed. I was not really embarrassed after I said that. But don't make people feel uncomfortable. I've seen people ask that stupid question all the time, even if someone's like eight months pregnant. I don't ask

one does your baby do? I always say how are you doing? What's going on with your life? And let them talk. Well, if you notice I'm pregnant and I'm having a baby in a month, let them talk about it. Don't put yourself on the spot or put anybody else on the spot. Another one, are you really wearing that? Okay, granted, you probably have a friend or a spouse, some partner who's putting on something really that is not in their best interest, or maybe it's just something you don't like.

Rather than saying are you really wearing that? Say wow, that's an interesting outfit. I know interesting is a loaded word, or just don't say anything unless it really is not a great outfit for them because it's showing muff and top cellulate, too much boob, too much ass, too much hair, too tight, probably gonna rip, has a stain in the wrong area, you know what it means. But if somebody wants to wear purple, green and yellow and black and brown and one outfit, they do that and Marty girl

all the time, it's considered quite acceptable. If someone wants to wear sequence during the day. If someone just wants to wear strongs all the time, moah, don't say are you really wearing that? Just say nothing. Just don't say anything. Sometimes nobody really wants your opinion, and if they did, they'd ask you, like, how do you think I look in this outfit? Well, then you can say, well, I think you look better in certain other outfits. But if that's what you want to wear it, nine times out

of ten they'll change. My husband will say, do you think I'll like how does this belt look? Well, the belt doesn't look great because it's beaten up, So maybe don't wear a belt. Or does this color work with that color? Eh, you could do better, you could do worse. Maybe try this instead. But if you really don't like the way somebody dresses, buy them a gift with something really fun that you think that would make their appearance look better, But don't make them feel bad by saying

they look like crap with what they're wearing. Some people really love what they're wearing. And I'm going to give you an example of something that was really upsetting for me that drove this home. Besides the fact that somebody happen patted my stomach and thought I was pregnant and

I wasn't, this is a really important thing to understand. Physically, everybody has their own sense of identity and beauty, and there is a movement now because a lot of young Afro American children were teased about their hair, and that is a big issue. You don't tease anybody about their hair period. I remember when I was little, I had frizzy hair. I don't know why, because I don't really have what they call the jew fro. I don't have like a fro. I just had messy hair, probably because

my mother never brushed my hair. She was too busy working and not being available, and I didn't do it and didn't care. And honestly, today I still hate brushing my hair. But people call me nape. They called me are you ready Medusa. Okay, that was mean. Medusa was the evil person I think in Greek mythology who had snakes for hair. So they called me the Medusa because my hair was unruly. And then they called me tiny Tim, which is really sad because he was a really ugly

singer with a big nose. And the hurt also and it took a long while to deal with that in a nose job. But just don't tease people or ask him about their hair or make them feel bad. Another case in point, I had a client who I actually did not like and liked less after this situation where she told me I had to go tell a nice young server who was serving her beverage to hide his tattoos.

He had to cover himself up, and of course I had to go do all the dirty work and say do you mind x y Z client has asked that you cover your tattoos? Okay, I should have not said that because he started to cry because I really am hurt his identity, his tattoos where his body aret. I was insensitive. I hurt his feelings and to this day it hurts me that I did that. Instead, what you say is do you mind? We'd prefer that all the servers wear. There's sleeves down. It's just a look that

they want for this brand. I hope you understand. Still not great, but it's better than hide your tattoos. So you got to choose your words carefully. An example from the article I just wrote, which was on multicultural marketing in the wine role. While multicultural marketing is a better word now than ethnic, I've learned ethnic is not cool. And listen, I'm still learning all the uncool words out there because back in the day, ethnic was a good,

okay word, Now it's not so good. Another one I have been told not to use by a good friend, Joyce Lynn, who was sipped with Joyce. She's a certified so lie and she's Asian American, and she said, if you're working with Asian Americans, don't use the word exotic or oriental. Wow, my dad, he was so politically incorrect, That's all I'm going to say, because he used the word oriental all the time because back in his day when he was traveling around the Orient as it was called,

that's what you said. But it's not cool now. So you need to be very aware and take the time to do the research when you're dealing with any one, much less different groups to make sure wording you're using is not offensive to that person, organization, community, multicultural groups. It's complicated, right, because everybody's got sensitivities now, But you know what, you gotta do it and I'm gonna so in preparing for this show, I do prepare for the show.

It's not just always off the top of my head. I found some interesting links and one of those eight polite questions that are actually offensive, I've actually asked all of them to you except for one, and it's are you sick? You don't ever ask someone if they're sick, say how are you feeling? Or I notice your coffee? Can I get you some water? Say are you sick? Here's another one many of our friends right now, Well, okay, if a friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer, it's

breast cancer Awareness Month. Things not to say to someone who's been diagnosed with breast cancer question The bext is how are you feeling? How can I be of help? If there's anything I can do, please let me know. Can I take care of something for you while you're dealing with this. I'm here to listen don't offer your opinion, don't talk about you know, your great at Ethel who died of breast cancer. Don't talk about somebody else's condition. And don't blurt out, as someone did to me, are

you going to lose your hair? Just don't say and offer anything. Just say I'm here for you. How can I be of help? Same with anyone who has a loved one who's been impacted by Hurricane Helene. I reached out to everyone I knew in the affected impacted areas. Suddenly is a lot of area, and I said, I'm checking in to see if you and your loved one and your home are okay, and if there's anything I can do for you. And everyone just said thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Offer help if you can,

just ask. Not enough people are asking the simple words, how are you doing. I have a friend whose family heritage is Lebanese, and Lebanon is now at war with Israel, and she was actually in the Baca Valley during harvest preparing for harvest and had to leave because of the attacks. This week. I wrote her, I said, I just want to let you know I'm thinking about you. I know this is a difficultuckle time. It is difficult. She lives in the United States, but you know she has heritage

and Lebanon and family roots. I said, how are you doing? She didn't even have to respond how are you doing? How are you feeling? Because most people are not okay? So saying are you okay probably isn't. Most people are not okay. If your country is being bombed, if you're living in a flood zone, if you've been diagnosed with breast cancer, if you're grieving for someone who has passed away, are your caregiving a dying parent, You're not okay? Okay? So rather than say are you okay? Say I know

this could be it's a difficult time for you. How can I help? How are you doing? Is there anything that can do for you? What can I do to help you? Just even if they say nothing, say just say I'm there for you. I'm there for you in spirit. I mean, God knows. I've sent that out so many times on social media, for lost pet for pets who die, for children who die, for parents who die, for breadths, everybody seems to be dropping dead, and all I'm doing

is saying I am so sorry. I'm sending my condolences. How can I help? If I can, that's all you can do, But do it. Be there. That's the best way to be there is just to say those words. A lot of people have said, you're the first person who's actually reached out and asked me that. So eight annoying questions you should never ask. This is from Best Life Online. It's probably old because everything's old. Twenty twenty three. Not so bad. We've covered some of these, but here

you go the writer. Let's give the writer credit. Lauren Gray. She says, asking thoughtful questions is part of how we communicate and get to know each other. Yet when we're on a fact finding mission, it's easy to veer into topics that can make people uncomfortable or come across as offensive. Okay, Jody R. R. Smith of man Or Smith Etiquette Consulting. Yes, they're etiquette experts out there to help with this. I should be one of those, says one. When are you

getting married? We've touched down that again. Don't make people feel uncomfortable because they're still fabulous and single. We need to having kids. That seems to be the immediate question, Like three days after someone's married, None of your business maybe you don't want to. You don't need to have someone have to explain. Why are you still single? Address that already? How much did that cost? Oh? God, I have a relative asset all the time. I mean i'll

have I'll like have something. How much did that cost? How much did you sell it for? I hate talking about money. If you're like me, don't ask how much something cost or have they sold something for? Just say that's lovely. I'm so happy you have it. You know. It's like if somebody you know inherits beautiful jewelry or art, don't go, well, you're so lucky you've inherited all this amazing stuff. Wow, that must be expensive. Don't say anything, just say that's beautiful. I hope you enjoy it in

good health. Okay, how much do you make? We talked about that. Never ask someone else, Never ask someone how much money they make. That's just rude, just rude. Uh. It makes up there with how much is that gonna

cost you? It's rude. How old are you? Oh? My mother was so obsessed with that, the older she got them where people she asked that, like I remember sitting she was sitting at a birthday party for people at her life care center and everybody was clearly old, and she ran around the table going how old are you? And I'm like, okay, I'll forgive her because she has nothing loved to talk about but her age. But you know, it's one of the most basic biographical facts of your life.

And it's really not anybody's business because age is just a number. My mother always used to say, when she was less fixated on her age. I'm as old as I feel in the day that I'm in. Or, as Julia Roberts famously said in some movie and on which one, how old do you want me to be? That's one of my favorite lines, How old would you like me to be? Really, it's none of your business. And again, are you sick? Well, you know, are you sick? No? I feel perfectly fine. Why do you think I look

sick or feel sick. Somebody's coughing, don't assume they're sick. Maybe they have an allergy, Maybe they have a tickle in your throat like I'm about to have. It's the same with the bump in the stomach or the lump somewhere unless you really notice that this could be something really serious and say, you know, I notice you have a lump in the middle of your throat. Have you had that check? That could be a good thing, because

it could be thyroid cancer. Just you know a lot of people say they're asked that question all the time, even when they're perfectly healthy, but usually when they're not wearing makeup. I remember people would always ask me why you look so tired? Are you okay? Are you feeling it? Why are you so sad? And it used to drop me nuts. I was perfectly happy, but just because I didn't have a shit any grin on my face all the time, and maybe I've had my resting bitch face.

Does it mean when I was angry or sad or feeling bad, I just wasn't like thinking about smiling at that moment. But people asked that, used to ask that, to the point so many times I actually ended up getting cosmetic surgery to lift my face up. I didn't do a facelift, but an eyelift because everybody told me my eyes looked tired all the time. It made me feel so insecure I decided to do something about it. I shouldn't have had to do that. Another one, do

you want to drink? What would you like to drink? Is a better question than do you want a drink? Because do you don't a drink implies you want to alcohol beverage. What would be what would be your beverage of choice? Oh? What can I bring you to drink? Drink? This would be your drinking. Alcohol just means beverage, but many people interpret as that. So I don't think that's an offensive question. It just could be asked better, what would you like to drink? So those are her offensive

eight polite questions that can come off wrong. But this is a good one. This is a good one. And I want to address this because I don't know about you, but I travel a lot. And here's where gets tricky, WICKI is when you are overseas. And then we'll get into the elephant room, which is politics. And we won't talk politics, but how to navigate awkward conversations. This's from

mentalflaws dot com. I love mental flaws. Okay, this is a little earlier Adam d'Arpino and Erica Wolfe twenty twenty one, but let me tell you it's the same then as it is now. Twenty Common America. Behaviors that are considered rude elsewhere around the world. I'll just cherry pick these referring to the United States as America. Well, I get that because there's a lot of Americas there in North America,

South America, Central America. So instead say we're all Americans, unless you really mean it and you're including all the Americas your United States of America. To be very careful about that. Apparently, putting your hands in your pocket when you're talking and asking questions is rude in certain countries, so keep your hands out because it may mean you're hiding something. So just you know, don't wave your hands around. If you're uncomfortable with your hands, just hold them in

a clasp that you're saying grace. It's always a safe way to do it. Apparently, casually asking how are you as a loaded question in Italy because you'll get a detailed answer, not fine. How are you is a loaded question? How are you doing? How have things been in your life? Is everything okay? How are things going? Is fine? How

are you? Can be loaded? Accepting a compliment, well, apparently in certain countries in Asia, they're going to deny the compliment all the time, So maybe be very careful about that. That's really in the question section of life. There's a lot of other things that are rude to do, but here's an important one. When you do go to certain countries, be aware that it's okay to leave some food on your plate. It is okay to complement the shif, but

not be overly effusive. When you're dining, say would you like some addition? Would you like another serving? Don't assume they do. There's that call. It's it's important to say, how would you like your salad dressed or not? How would you like your meat? Ask people don't assume they want their food hard cooked, rare or whatever. Ask ask people have. I'm a believer when you go out, don't ask if people have food allergies, Just say do you have dietary restrictions that I should be aware of? A

dietary restriction is a little less pointed. You know that people don't have to launch into their food allergies, which maybe they don't want to share, or maybe they don't want to talk about their preferences. So do you have any food restrictions that we should be aware of? I always appreciate that when people ask me that I really do, and most restaurants are doing that because they don't want to get into legal bruhaha. They serve someone something with

peanuts and people then have an anaphylactic reaction. Asking about food alergies actually is okay when you're at a restaurant, any dietary restrictions or food allergies is a safe bet. Just keep it simple like that. Okay. Politics is a loaded question right now. Everybody has an opinion. Everyone's asked who you voting for. I don't really want to talk about it. I don't even want to talk about it with anybody other than friends. For the record, I'm voting

for Team Harris Waltz. That's all I say. But I understand that everybody has opinions and who they want to vote for and what they stand for. And I watched my husband get into a heated discussion with our friend about pro choice or in Herbert's pro life. In the debate last night, somebody said pro abortion, boy, those words could be. You got to choose your words carefully. Right now, pro women, pro choice, pro life, probution. Everybody has an opinion.

It is safer right now unless you want to get into a hot debate in your own home over the dinner table, just to keep politics off the table and out of the conversation right now. Unless you are with people and you're comfortable with it. It's just it's messy and things get interpreted, and you know, I've had I'm sure some of you have had your Facebook feeds hijacked.

I had someone ask me the other day if I would repost an op edge she wrote about voting for Harris Walts on my feed, and I respectfully said, love that you have an opinion and you're taking time to share it. But I have a policy on my social media feeds of only sharing what I write and my thoughts.

I hope you understand. It's interesting. Question came up in a public relations group I'm with and somebody asked the public relations consultant if her client would like to speak out on a specific political topic, and she said, how do I handle that? And I said, if somebody asked you to share your opinion about a specific political topic or anything that you really don't want to get into financial, political, health, lifestyle choices, you name it, just simply say I appreciate

your interests and flooded you would like my opinion at all. However, my client's opinion on However, we prefer to keep on our own message and talk about what we're here to discuss and not venture into anything else. Actually, you could say that very easily, say I prefer not to discuss it at all, if you don't mind to appreciate that, I just prefer to keep my opinions to myself bingo. And truthfully, unless someone asks your opinion, they probably don't

want to hear it in the first place. I hate to say that, but nobody really likes to be with overly opinionated, judgmental people. They're not really much fun. They can create very awkward conversations and situations for people. We all have friends who do that. They venture your opinions and talk about people without you asking, and you sit there on your hands and go, how do I want

to respond to that? That's happened to me a few times with friends, and I do have some friends, it's sadly don't share the same opinions liberal opinions that I do about people and things, and I just have to grind my teeth and shut my mouth rather than get into a pissing match of words. Nobody wants to get into a pissing match much less with words. Okay, So somebody once said, before you leave the house, look at what you're wearing and get rid of one thing. Maybe

that's the way it is with conversation. Maybe we just need to say less, smile more, listen more, and be more thought and share our opinion and use our voices constructively to build people up, create and share ideas, make an impact, make good things happen. But as someone who is one of the great advice givers of all times, and whose advice I would always listen to, dear Abby once said in a wonderful wonderful not really a poem, but a statement called what is class? She says, class

never builds itself up by tearing others down. Class does not need to look better by making others look worse. Okay, So you don't need to tear other people down or make them feel uncomfortable, or put people on edge to elevate your own position, because frankly, people will not have a good opinion of you if you do that. It's better to As another great orator of Michelle Obama says, when they go low, we aim high. So keep your conversation on the up level, not the down level. Don't

ask probing questions that make people feel uncomfortable. Ask questions because people do like to know you're genuinely interested in your life. Tell me about yourself. Where did you grow up? How did you end up at this event? Like recently, I was at an event where nobody knew who the hell I was, and that's when I practiced Melanie's favorite conversation icebreakers, which are this what brings you to this event? How did you get connected to in this case, the

Shia Burnett Foundation. That's a great conversation opener. Have you been to this restaurant before? What do you like about it? What can you tell me about it? If you have great conversation opener. Have you always lived in New Orleans or are you? And if so, I'd love to hear what you loved about living here. Great conversation opener. If someone's new to a city, I overheard you're new to the city. What brings you here? How are you enjoying it?

Great conversation opener. Keep it open and friendly, not keep it inquisitive, but not an inquisition. Got that be inquisitive, but don't make a conversation an inquisition. I find those you know, I find have a list of conversation openers ready at all times. Unfortunately, I have a show's where I interview people, so I get to interview people all

the time and ask these questions. Often I send them in advance, and I was actually told recently that one of the questions that I had down the person was not comfortable answering, and respectfully I change it because I'm not here to be have an inquisition. I'm here just to be inquisitive and share stories. So I hope this show makes you think about how you choose your words, how to be a mester at the art of conversation, to make people feel comfortable and connected, because that's really

what it's all about. We all want to be more socially connected through conversation. I know, I do. You know. Technology has been awesome, but I still don't want the rest of my life to be memis or whatever they're called, Mimi's memmies. I don't know what they are, or text or eods, fyis aoks. I want to see words. I want to embrace words. I want to embrace body language. I want to feel the hug. I want to say

I'm thinking about you more than just a text. I like to still pick up a phone, not many people do. And I love to have dinner over great wine and food over a table and be very connected. And with that, I'm going to say, I hope you feel more connected

to feeling good about talking to people. And if you want to hear my connections with how we connect on The Connected Table Live, my other show, which is Deep Conversations with People and wine, food, beverage and Hospitality, you'll see how I skillfully navigate conversations with people that I barely know to make them feel comfortable. So give it a shot. The Connected Table Live on deb before Cy

Radio or your favorite podcast channel. In the meantime, I'm going to close this with a message to everybody out there, no matter what you're celebrating this month, so briety, eating and drinking, breast cancer awareness, Hispanic Heritage Month, the high Holy Holidays, the beauty of fall, surviving whatever is coming your way. I hope you embrace and enjoy the season

and count your blessings. Because if you're listening to the show and you have a roof over your head and the sun is shining and you're in good health, and you have people that love you and care for you. You are truly blessed, and you don't really need much else. Or, as my favorite order said, if you have class, you don't need much else, and no matter what else you have, it doesn't make the difference. I'm Melanie Young. This is fearless, fabulous you. As always, my message is you have the

choice to live life on your terms, your way. Make it fabulous, be fearless, make people feel great about themselves. It will make you feel better about yourself and the world. Choose fabulous. Thank you. The game had respec