[M4A] Ex-Boyfriend Knocks on Your Door After Six Months [ASMR]

that popped out of nowhere and needs to go. Fuck. Okay, So, as you may know, I was gone for a few ones fuck I don't even know how many, five or six. Yeah, and you probably want an explanation on where the fuck I've been and why I was gone, and I don't know everything, or maybe you wanted to not anymore. I'll see either way. Look, I was How the fuck do you even say this? I knew some space, okay, and not from you, of course, just space to think, to feel,

to figure things out here. Who I am, what I want? How the fact? Do stop being a piece of shit? Boyfriend? Too late, I realized that going away without even a goodbye. Isn't HI you do that I missed you. I missed you a lot. I thought about you every day. I thought that i'd become for just a week or two, but I wasn't, and I didn't think that I need to tell you about it at first. I know it's stupid, I know, but it's stupid because it ended up being

a lot more. And I couldn't quite message you because I was You're gonna believe this, But I was out of the country and I didn't bring anything with me. Yeah, please please tell me you believe that. Why the fuck am I even doing this? You're probably not even listening. It is a master I don't deserve to be heard after what I did to you. But yeah, I really was out of the country and I didn't bring anything with me, any of my devices, no phone, no laptop, nothing.

You know, I don't know any of my passwords, so I had no way to contact you. If you're wondering where I was, I had a friend in Canada and I stayed there. It wasn't don't worry to not happened between us. All this sounds seeming worse, but I was just staying over at a friend's place for five months without telling anyone. Yeah, I know, but he was just the buddy, and there wasn't a day that I hadn't thought about you. Like I said, I got what I wanted from that trip or vacation. I guess I feel

better I say things more clearly now. Of course I don't like the price I had to pay for it, which was you. But if you're asking me if it was worth it being away from you, maybe, but losing you, no, of course not never. I love you, I really love you. But at the same time, if you moved on after a while, if you said you'll find out goodbye, but I wasn't here, I understand it's okay. I want you to know that it's okay to be happy without me

with someone else. Did you Did you find someone else? Pumpkin? Damn it. I never thought that this day would come. I knew I was dumb and I wasn't the best no matter how much he tried. But to think that my stupidity would be the end of us during a million years, never would I have thought of that. I always thought that you'd just be around, you know, no matter when or what I'd always have you around. I thought that you'd always have me around, but but that

wasn't the case. And I guess now Karmike is a bitch. I still love you, Pumpkin. I still love you so much it hurts. It feels like my heart's gonna explode from how much all of this hurts. Being so close yet so far away from you. The thought of the realization of having lost you forever breaks me in a way I can't describe. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for everything I've done to you, to us. You didn't deserve that, you deserved something, someone better,

and against against all male offer you. I hope you managed to find that. I'm sorry I was gone. I can imagine how you must have felt. I'm sorry for all the worry and heartbreak I put you through. I'm sorry for for the onliest longing, the fuck, the blame and guilt. Probably I wonder if you thought that maybe you could have done something to stop whatever was happening to me, And the answer is there wasn't. I'm sorry I wasn't there to tell you that. I hope somebody did,

but I tolt you believe them. I know you Pumpkin, and I know how much you love me, so I can only imagine what my disappearance must have done to you. I am really sorry. Look, I don't have much left to say. The only reason I'm here is because getting up and leaving means that I have lost you for good and there is no going back to us anymore. I can't. I can't do that. How the fuck am I supposed to do that? Sure? Yeah, I've been talking, but I think that it's been mostly to myself. I

love you, I guess. I guess that's it. Huh No, I love you back. If you're behind that, people who I don't know I am. At least you got to see that I'm alive and well despite what you may have feared these past months. I'll get going now. Goodbye, Bumpkin. I guess this is a final time I speak to you. You doesn't have to be. You know where I live. You can always come and visit, but I don't expect you to not after what I did. How could you? I broke your heart? I'm sorry for everything. I love again.

I'll get going now. I hope that you're happy at peace. What up? Oh my pumpkin? What are you Yeah, yeah, come on in No, No, I wasn't crying. Yeah, you could always see through my What was you think? Of course it was about you, about us. What else could it be about? Because I miss you. I miss you a lot, Pumpkin. I miss you every single day. I had to go, Pumpkin, I I had another choice. It was for the best, okay, for me, for you, for

everything I knew. It didn't feel like it, Pumpkin. I didn't just go on for six months like that without sending you a message. I couldn't. I physically couldn't. You heard everything I said? Wow, that's yeah. I am surprised. I thought I was talking to myself at a maniac in front of your door. I'm surprised you didn't call the cops on me or something. No, no, of course you're not that type of person. You're the most loving person. I had a fortunate meeting here, simply the best. I didn't.

I didn't leave you. I mean I did, but that wasn't d n called Pumpkin. D En goal was for me to find myself. Yeah. I know it sounds stupid, but I needed space. I needed that, and you know it. It sucks, but you know it, Pumpkin, I was a happy love. I I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't call you that, but you know that I had issues the past few months when we were together. I didn't talk about it because it had nothing to do with you. Nothing, none of myself had anything to do with you. I left,

But you weren't the reason. No, no, don't be sorry. You couldn't do something more. It was my stuff to do with and I did do with it, and I'm better now. I'm happy, or as happy as I can be while I get used to having lost you for good. No maybe, no, no, nothing was your fault. It was all on me. Everything was on me. Yeah, of course you don't want to forgive me. I don't want to forgive myself for what I did easier, but that is not how healing works. Yeah, I know I've changed, kind

of the whole reason I was gone. Do you really want to know what I did in Canada? Uh? Smoke and drink coffee and party. Yeah, I started smoking again. I couldn't help it, but I quit, I promise, not that you probably care. No, no, no, no, no, I didn't ruin us for smoking and partying. I thought a lot about life, asked me you planned worry to catastrophized and everything in between. Yeah, you should waste your time thinking about what to do it, but just do it. I know,

I know. I it's stupid. Everything about what I did was stupid, but I needed it. I just wish that. Yeah, it didn't cost us. Of course, of course I'm crying. I'm satisfied. I miss you. I miss you so much, but I'm kin. If I know that things would turn out to be this way, I never would have done that. I'd pick you over so much needed boring philosophy any day. Yeah, I regret everything. I wish I could go back in time and change how things turned out. But that's another

thing I learned. There is no reverse button. There is no stopping yourself from making stupid decisions. You can only hope that whatever it is you did, it's fixable, and if you can't, you better prayed that you can live with it, like how I have to live with the with the decisions that I made. I hate it. Yeah, I want you back in my life more than anything, But you're gone. You're gone, and Pumpkin or I told that well that you'd moved on found someone then why

why did you slam the door on me? Yeah, I'm not surprised. Of course you were angry. Of course you were hurried. Of Course you didn't want to couldn't see me. I could batterly look myself in the mirror after what it did to you. But then, why? Yeah? Why did you kiss me? I sold you hated me, you didn't. I don't get it. You're right, I don't have to get it. But what's this mean? Though? What's this mean for us? You're willing to give us a chance? Really,

even after all of these months? Why? Nyeah? We have been together for years. No, I wouldn't want to do that away over a few months. Oh, I see where this is going. But I hurt you so much in those few months. You didn't even know if I was alive, you knew how you could feel it. Okay, that's sweet. I guess I'm not sure what to say that. No, No, of course, I'm not laughing because it's funny. It's just I don't know that's why you couldn't move on. Maybe

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're glad you didn't me too, But what if? What if I screw up again? What if I heard you again. What if that's it, then that behait? Yeah? Yeah, that makes sense, of course. Yeah, that's okay, it's only fair. I don't even deserve this one chance you're giving me. But I am scared, Pumpkin. I am so scared I'll suck up everything and I'll lose you for good. This time. I already did that one, and I would rather not go through it again. Yeah.

I know I didn't lose you for real, but as insue as hell feels like it, and it felt like hell, you trust me? Yeah, but what if I don't? What if I don't trust myself? No, you'll trust me for both of us. Okay, I love you, Pumpkin. I hope that one day I can make up for disappearing like that.