A mindset shift is when you change your thinking or the way you think about something to get in alignment with accomplishing a goal. That's a mindset shift, or accomplishing some sort of achievement. That's a mindset shift. And it's possible to do that. That's a very possible thing to do, but in order to do that, you have to you have to change. In order to do that, you have to process new information. In order to do that, you
have to commit to achieving an outcome. An easy example for me to describe this is if there's a goal I'm trying to accomplish, like weight loss, right, I'd like to lose weight, I have to change my mindset on how I view food. I have to start viewing food as a source of energy and nutrition instead of taste and flavor. If I eat just because I like the taste and flavor, I'm very likely to continue to experience
weight issues. But if I change my mindset about this to like this is how I get nutrition and energy into my body, then I start making different choices. So that's a mindset shift, And in order to do that, you just have to commit to the process and you have to take on new information and allow that to impact how you think. Welcome back to family Therapy. I'm your host, Elliott Connie. What's been better since you listened
to the previous episode? Once again, this is a very important aspect of solution focused brief therapy where I want you to focus on things that are getting better. So we're going to always ask ourselves that question. It's very important that you are able to gauge your progress towards a goal, because if you don't do that, then every step feels like failure. Like if you don't gauge how much you're progressing towards an outcome, then every day you're
not at your outcome feels like failure. But if you are able to gauge your progress towards that outcome, then every day feels like a micro achievement on your way to the macro achievement. So that's why I always ask my questions where they are on a scale from zero to ten, because it helps them to gauge. I might not be at ten, but I'm no longer at zero, and that changes the feeling of failure to feeling of success. A comfort zone is exactly as it sounds. It's a
place where you feel most comfortable. But it's actually the enemy of six And the reason it's the enemy of success is because we seek out comfort without thinking about whether or not comfort is healthy or not. Comfort is just what I'm most familiar with. So if you grew up in an environment where there's lots of drugs and alcohol, that becomes your comfort zone. That's what you're most familiar with. We don't think about whether it's good for us or not.
We just think that it's comfortable for us. And when we make changes, changes are always uncomfortable. Even really positive changes are uncomfortable. And what ends up happening to people is they want to grow and change and become the better version of themselves. But change leads to uncomfort and then people recoil back to the comfort zone. That's why comfort zones are very crippling and they become a hindrance
towards people changing and becoming successful. And it's why if you want to change, grow and progress, you have to get comfort. Being uncomfortable, you cannot have a proper mindset shift while being in the comfort zone. A mindset shift will always trigger uncomfort. Today is spent directly focusing with David who seems to have completely shifted his energy and is motivated towards change. So, David, what's been better since we last.
Thought staying consistent with certain things? Added something else so I could get consistent with That's what's been better?
You added something else?
Yeah, just something else that I you know, and it's I mean, it's small, it's more for me. Just every morning. I used to wake up and do my push ups. So I started that last week. Oh so every morning, every morning I wake up up, when I get out the shower and do all my stuff, I do my setup push ups. So I was like, I got to start doing that again. I used to do it all
the time, like all the time. So I just I'm just you know, I've been reading some stuff, listening to some audios, and it was like I just got to start creating, getting more discipline, getting my discipline back. I was like, I'm gonna start with this. Yeah, I'm gonna start with this. So that's been good.
What made you bring that back? Like, at what point did you decide I gotta bring this back?
Well, just with you know, the last couple of sessions things how I want to start moving forward And I always been health conscious, like, you know, I try to eat good, I take my supplements. I'm not really a big gym guy. If I could work out at home, like I will go to the gym, but if I could work out at home, because now don't got to pay for no membership, I do it at home. So I was like, David, know what, start doing your push
ups again, start doing your push ups. Yeah. So I just I just started when I told myself that, and it was like in the middle of the day, I just got down, did my push ups. And then I say, every morning, wake up, no matter what, I'm gonna do my push ups, every morning, doing my push ups.
I love that. What else have you noticed yourself being consistent with.
The way I respond, the way I'm not getting upset at certain things like at word, you know, at home, just just controlling myself more, you know, thinking about my response before I even say it. Stop not worrying about the little stuff. If I if it's out of my controlers out of my control. If I only could do what I can do, then I'm gonna do what I can do. And this the rest is just you know,
it is what it is. Leave it in God's hands or and that's it said, I've just been trying to shift my mind in my thinking and get back to like it used to be right when I and I and when I sit back and reflect, when I was in that free and see and I had that energy, it just felt different. And then things that just started falling into place. So that's what that's the frequency I'm trying to get back to and the energy I need to have.
I love that. And what have you noticed as you've been doing these consistent things, what have you noticed about the difference it's making for.
You smiling more, you know, just feeling good. It's got a different like it's like you know when you got on a new suit or new clothes, like, or you know you got some money in your pocket, you just walk different, right, I just I just yeah. So it's just like that's what I noticed the most, right, So I got to notice the change in me the most. Right. It's not a big change yet, but it's a slow it's a slow change, and it's changing because of some
of the things that I'm implementing into the change. Like, like I said, I dropped my son off, I listened to one of my audios. It's either Eric Thomas or Less Brown listen to that for about twenty thirty minutes just to get some positive stuff, like you know, all positive radio, no ESPN radio, none of that, you know, not eager. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what I've been doing lately. And I noticed I'm starting to notice the difference even the performance at work, right because it been
a situation, something happened. Everybody like, oh god, sorry, I said, No, I don't feel sorry. I said, I did everything I could do, right, I ain't. I ain't sorry about it. It's gonna come back. And then with having that approach because that's what I used to say all the time when I was at my other job, having that approach, and what happened. It came right back, different customer, It came right back, just like that. So I was like, see it came back. Can't be mad, you can't dwell
on it. It's over with, it's done. You know, did everything in your power right, helped them try, you know, made the phone calls. It's just not working. Got to move on. And that's what I did.
Man. That's how different is this from the way you were recently?
You know, Oh, it's a big difference. It's a big difference a couple of months ago, even a few few weeks ago. Let's start, we could go December or November like it's a it's like night and day pretty much. Yeah, it's not the same, David. I don't care what nobody else say. I know and I feel it's not the same, David. So yeah, man, I love that.
Okay. So what what are you hoping you could get from me today that would help you stay on this path?
You? No, I don't know, man. You know, I'm used like the last two sessions, like everything that you was bringing to the table and you know, and what we was discussing was awesome. So I'm like, I look forward to the sessions and everything. So I whatever you have up your sleeve, I think I'm ready for it.
Well, all right, let me ask you, like, okay, so let me ask you this. On a scale of zero to ten, ten is you are the absolute best version of yourself and zero is the exact opposite. Where would you say you were a few weeks and months ago?
Probably like a one.
Okay, And where would you say you are today?
Honestly, still got a lot of work to do, probably like a three? And a half almost four.
Three and a half almost four. Okay, if you woke up tomorrow and instead of a three and a half almost four, you were like a four and a half almost five, how would you notice it? What would be a clue to you that it has gone up just a bit, Like you can go all the way up to ten, but it just grat it's just a little bit ticked up the scale. How would you notice it?
To be honest, I think it had to be a few days in a row, right, because, like I said, I'm trying to build consistency, Like that's one of the things that I need to get back, being consistent out certain things, you know, building that discipline. So I think I need a Today is Wednesday, so I will probably need like Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and I'll be like, okay,
all right, here we at? This is what okay, David? Yeah, So I think it would take more than you know, me betting off of work, going home and waking up tomorrow. I'm like, okay, I'm at a four and a half. I got to get out of my comfort zone. And that's why I'm trying to create. And that was one of the things I listened to with Les Brown. Get out your comfort zone. You gotta get out your comfort zone. That's one of the things that Jay said this before
you know said this. She said, David, the reason he's still with Nicky at Ferromre is because he's comfortable there. And it's like he's comfortable. He's aweso maddic. He says that he's comfortable. Right, it's so many other things that he could be doing. He says he's comfortable with it. He could do it with his eyes closed. To sit
there and ask me anything about out furniture size. I don't have to come to your house and I can ask you certain questions and I can size up your what you need in your basement or what you need in your living room or something like that. And I never saw your home. I don't need to look at pictures. I just know what questions I ask you. That's how that's that's how detail and how long I've been doing it, and I know what I'm doing and I'm comfortable with it,
like talking about stuff like that. And she said, and that's one of the biggest things. And I noticed that too, Right, If I want to spend more time, more time with my boys. If I want to increase income to do other things, I got to get out of my comfort zone.
So yeah, man, I have so many questions. My first question is you brought up Jake. Has she noticed the growth from like feeling like you're at a one on that scale to being another three point five maybe before. I don't know, not that it's about her totally, but I'm just curious if she's noticed and she's around.
You, I don't know. Then as I really don't know, I don't know. I think it's at the point she may think it's little. I think it's a it's a bigger step for me. I think it's gonna take a little bit more for her to respond, like verbally respond on certain things. So and I'm comfortable with that. I'm cool with that, Like it's not like I don't look
at that, like, oh, she's not noticing that. She didn't give me no validation though, because it's some things that I need to do that must be done, but it's certain little steps I need to take so I can get to that. And that's what I'm trying to create and trying to build so I can get to that point.
Right, And what if your boys noticed.
Well, they're still young, so you know, it's Daddy all the time. If my daughter was living with me, she could probably she'll probably have a better cause he's sixteen. Even if she was twelve, she probably could relate a message a little bit more though. But I just I don't know what. I don't know what is God say. I really don't Isaiah. This thing everything Dad does, Oh Dad is cool. We get in my car, I listened
to music. I got the whole backseat to myself. And you know, I'm gonna brush my teeth when he brush his teeth. You know what I'm saying. I don't like Daddy. I don't like you putting Vassilina on my face. Your hand's not soft like Mommy's, like you know, little stuff like like you know, and that just cracks me up. Like I like, listen, if you can see me around my boys, man like it's like it don't matter what's going on, right, No matter what's going on, my boys
bring me joy. All my kids do. As I said, My daughter lives in Florida, Like even when my mom passed, right, it was a blessing that I had my sons there, Like, especially the guy because they kids and it is being theyself. They want hundred percent organic, and it just it just helped with the process. Yeah, it really helped with the process. Yeah. And so those my guys, you know, and Isaiah loved hanging out like like I said, man, like, you know, me and him hang out at the barbershop. Like that's
his thing. He's Friday. Come oh, man, me and him at the barbershop last Friday. I forgot to make my appointment. I thought I did. Picked him up from afteric. Here we there at six o'clock barber My guy, it's a very good friend of mine, he said, Dave, I don't think he may appointment. He looked at it, he said he didn't. He was like, can you come back at nine? And that's Friday. I got a five year old. I was like, nine, I could come back at ten o'clock if I have to. So I say, you know what,
I said, Isaiah, you ready to go? He was like, nah, Dad, I could say. I got my tablet the music.
He said, no, I don't want to go.
I said, all right, I said, you're hungry. Yeah. When next door got him some food, he ate and we just hung out in the barbershop until like eight o'clock. He got in a chair and I got in the chair. He was playing cars. He high five in everybody, high five in me and didn't get in the cart Dawn. That was the best act for so much fun. So and I always I always said, I can't wait until I have boys so I could take him to the barbershop with me. Like that's just some of the things,
like I can't wait till I teach him. I'm teaching them a little bit how to tie tie and stuff like that, but I couldn't wait to take them to the barbershop with Like I think that's you got a son, you need them take them to the barbershop. Which is just a difference. Mom can't do it. And I see women, you know whatever the situation is bringing their son to the barbershop. But I'd rather it be mean, like we're
not missing it. Yeah, I rather it be mean. So you know that's that's me and his time, his little brother. He really can't go. That's why I try not to go home and then bring Isaiah because Zeke know now when we leave the house and he want to he want to go with the boys. I want to go with boys, how you want to go with dad? You know, because he's starting to you know, he's starting to be more aware of things. So but yeah, it's a beautiful thing.
And I told him, I was like, say, he's when he comes to the barbershop, how to hang out and how to act in the barbershop. He said, yeah, Daddy, I'm gona shown. I got I'm shown. I'm like this. God, he's only five years old though, but he's a good big brother. They good together. They good together.
That's amazing. And another thing you mentioned like at work, well, you mentioned a couple of things that all kind of said the same thing, Like Jay said, like David's just comfortable less Brown talking about like you gotta be uncomfortable and you could kind of do your job in your sleep if you really embrace this, like make yourself uncomfortable mentality, Where do you hope it takes you? Even professionally, Like where do you where do you hope this journey takes.
You top of the mountain, top of the mountain. If I make myself uncomfortable and I transition into higher ticket sales, it's over with, like because it's it's it's too many, too many people I meet, uh customers that come into the building. Family like David, you need I it is time to throw the talent with with with furniture. It's like you got to go to a higher ticket item and you'll do very well. Like and Jay told me this multiple times. It's like she's not gonna tell me
no more. She's to the point now she needs to see it and then she's gonna be like high five, I told you see see you see like not like not like I told you, but you see right yeah, And I and I think that's what it is, right, So it's it's definitely time for that change. Especially I can't want to have more time with my boys. I can't want to make more income, right, I can't want like I'm tired of doing this. And it's like a it is what it is with that if and don't
make a change. So will it be a little bit uncomfortable, yes, will it hurt for a second, absolutely right, But will I get through it? One hundred and twenty percent. And I'm confident that I'm gonna get through it. So that's back going to lighting that fire. You know, fire is burning, you know, I know I got mom and sis looking over me, and they know I could do it. You know what I'm saying, It's it's time for me to
do it. It's no more talking. It's just time for me to go ahead and just do it, Like you know, I gotta it. Got to a point like I'm the asset, right, So I'm the asset. I'm the one that's thriving in store. So I need to get up out of here right because it's not what I want to do no more. Once the passion is gone and you don't want to do it no more, then it's like all right it
is it's like, ah whatever. When I get to that, And when I first started in this game, like it wasn't like that, Like you couldn't pull me from the store. Jaylen could call me right now and say she locked herself out the house. I'll leave to go open up the door, and I know where the spirit key is at. Yeah, it's it's like that now, Like you know what I'm saying, you couldn't pull me from the store. Like I worked
New Year's Day ten year street well nine years straight. Wow, last two weeks ago last New Year's at this passed, I called out, Wow, what what is higher ticket sales.
Like what what like real estate?
Oh yeah, I really want to get into the real estate market, Like I really want to get dealing with relatives. And I'm like, yo, he's not even sales. This is their thing with sales, right, It's the same foundation with sales. It's just a different product. Right. So that's why when I meet other salespeople or and they selling something else, I know when they missing a step, when they're not
asking the right questions. Now. I don't got to know one hundred percent about this industry though, but I know the foundation the selves. Once you master that craft, it doesn't matter, right, because you got to learn the product. So if I learned the product, if it was a vehicle, if it's a home or an apartment, whatever the case may be, then I take the skill set that I'm a master and now implement it. Right. So you gotta
have personality, You gotta know what you're talking about. You gotta be confident, right, you got to be punctual and things of that nature. And you can't be afraid to ask the hard questions, right, you can't be afraid. And money not gonna impress me. I don't care if you're a millionaire or whatever. I got friends, I got a lot of money, right, and I sat down with NFL owners, So I don't care. None of that is going to distract me and going into your wallet and getting your money.
So if you if you keep being uncomfortable and keep progressing and start selling things like cars, apartments or homes, that's more in line with the David you want to be.
Is that right? Yep? Because it's going to create a good income. It's going to free up my time, right that I can spend with my family. Okay, the one thing about the industry I'm in now, it takes a lot of time and wait for my family, right, And that's and that's and like I'm big on family. I like spending time with my family. Do I like hanging out with my friends sometimes? Yes? Though, But I like hanging out with my family too, right, And that's that's
that's what's gonna happen. My boys are going to start getting a little older playing sports. I want to be at practice or at the games, right, I know how I know that feeling when your dad is not at a game, or you know, he's not really showing up to a practice or something like that. No, I want to be there, mommy shouldn't. I'm not taking nothing away
from women or nothing like that. But if if the father is involved and he's in their lives and they he's with the mother, the dad d the dad needs to be doing that too, Like most of the time is the certain things I feel like the father should be doing. And for me to do that and to want that, I got to change something up and I think I do very well at it too, to be honest with you, Yeah.
You know, it's funny you said you used the phrase a couple of minutes ago top of the mountain, and it dawned on me you actually went to the top of the athletic mountain, like you have been to the absolute top of a mountain before, Like that's not unusual. How do you think you're your history of getting to the top of another mountain will help you get to the top of this.
Next one, because I know what it's gonna take to do that, right. It's just like, you know, back to the furniture thing, like I done been to the top of it and sells right, it's nowhere else to go just to sell more like a champion all that stuff created, increase revenue and store and things of that nature. So there's nowhere else to go unless you want to switch your position, right, And I don't want to switch my position,
So I know it takes hard work, it takes discipline. Right, It's not gonna like You're not gonna the Floodgate's not gonna open up right away. And I understand that process. That doesn't discourage you, right, because I know if you keep at it and you keep working and mastering your skill set with because I still I still listen and read stuff about seals and how to close seals and figure out people and personality and human behavior things of
that nature. So once you get all of that and then you put it into your own routine like I did with football, I did with cells when I was in furniture and security systems and things of that nature, is going to get you to that level. It's the same, it's a it's the same same process, different discipline, same process, different different discipline, and that's all it is. Now that just got a switch because you're going into a different industry, right,
same process though, same process, and I gotta get that process. So, like you said, let's brown get uncomfortable for a little bit. And it's crazy. When I was listening to him, I felt like he was talking to me, like I just like, damn, is he sitting in the car with me? It's like, I'm like, Dad, I looked over to the side. I was like, nah, I ain't sitting there, but why are you talking to you? This felt like he was just talking to me. Like I didn't hear nothing else around me,
no cars, no fire trucks, nothing. I just heard him and that was it.
I was like, yeah, yeah, I love the energy of this session. We'll continue this conversation with David to learn more about the changes he is making when we come back. Okay, so back to this the scale number, how would you notice over you said it would take a couple of days of consistency. What would be some of those signs over those couple of days that would tell you I'm kind of more like a four and a half five? Now, what would you what would you.
See maintaining my month, my morning routines, Uh, my energy, not physical energy, but you know, my my my aurah. And you know, I think if that stays consistent, I know you're gonna have some off days. It's the way you handle your off day, right, I think that's gonna. That's gonna. Let me know that. Okay, it's trying to raise the number up a little bit. I think that's what. That's definitely gonna let me know, right, it's not as I can't. I can't make it. I can't put a
number on it tomorrow. You know, I need I need a couple more days of Okay, all right, this is what I want because you know, let's say tonight, the baby crying or whatever, and I go to sleep late, or I wake up at four in the morning and can't go back to sleep, right, usually I do that. I'm like, I don't got time to do nothing in the morning. I'm cranky and everything. Right, No, still gotta get up, Still gotta do what I need to do, do my pushups, listen to my motivational stuff. You know,
it don't gotta be twenty minutes. It could be ten minutes. And just keep it going, right, That's how you know when all right, this is now, this is just happy. He's gonna keep on doing it. He's gonna keep on doing it. And it's crazy too. I don't even drink coffee as much as no more said I have, like I have about two cups of coffee in the last
two weeks and don't even need it. Going to bed early, right, I started going to bed a little earlier now instead of staying up till two three in the morning, I'm in bed probably like eleven. The other night I stayed up a little late because I was working, right, But other than that, I'm in bed about eleven, ten o'clock, ten thirty. Wake up in the morning. No coffee, like I probably had, like yeah, maybe maybe three cups in two weeks. Is that on? Oh? I was a that's
definitely unusual. Used to be. I wake up, drink my bottle of water. If Jay's up before me, and I'll smell of coffee. I'm like, yo, she ain't make no coffee yet. I'm downstairs at coffee on Yeah, maybe a cup and a half. I'm taking my Tumblr with me to work with a thing full of coffee, straight black. Right to the point now, I was like, like, no, not, I haven't had I definitely I didn't have none today, Yesterday, Monday,
Sunday definitely had nothing. Saturday, I think I had my last cup of coffee probably was like Friday, I think I had a cup Friday, No, I had a cup.
No, But how do you explain that that is such a drastic shift? How do you explain that?
I don't know, man, I think I was dependent on it because I was feeling sluggish, right, and then it just started. You know what, you want to stop feeling sluggish, Go to bed a little earlier, right, do your pushups? Right? When you work out, you create more oxygen in your blood, right, more oxygen in your body, more energy you have. Right, So I know the science on that. So I was like, well, if I stopped doing this and that, then maybe I
don't need a coffee in the morning. Right. And then you know, like, I'm like, I like I read it. I do a lot of stuff on health. It's not the best choice of an energy boost, right, but it's a good It's not a super bad choice though. But I was like, nah, I don't even need it, like, for real, don't even need it. Don't even need it.
That's crazy. Mmm, that is crazy. As do you continue to shift in this way? What do you hope? What do you hope this does to your relationship with Jay?
I hope and I pray that it just brings us closer and help us to communicate with each other more, love on each other, more open up our hearts more to each other. Like I really, really really think I really want that to happen. And I think by this, by me doing this, because one thing she told me this before, she said, you have all the tubes, right, you have everything that you can get whatever you want. You just got to go for it and do it.
And I think by me doing this, it's going to keep that consistent smile on her face and it's going to help me concentrate more on her too, Right. But I gotta get myself right. I gotta get myself right, you know. And it's going to take some sacrifice and some discipline for me to do that. And then it's gonna, I know, it has to like it got to work, like it has the work as the work as the work.
You've said a few things about Jay that make me think, and I just want to make sure I caught this right. Some of this stuff she's been asking you to do for a really long time.
Yeah, absolutely, I would bet you.
Knowing what I know about you know, relationships and people and how we operate, she might be noticing some of these things. But she might be thinking, you know, it's about time, what took you so long? Or you know, too little, too late, or all of those things. What do you imagine she needs to notice that would help her realize like, oh, this is real, Like this is this is actually happening. He's not just doing this, He's this is real.
I think the biggest change when she knows for real, for real is when I walk away from home. Wow, okay, I think when I think when I do that, she's gonna be like and got a plan, like already got something in play, because that's one thing I do. I'm not gonna quit a job and don't have nothing else for a backup. Like that's just not I don't think that's a good decision, especially when you got people that's depending on you, right, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah,
now I'm sick. I'm sitting on a couple million dollars and I do that, then that's a whole different ball game though. But I won't do nothing like that as a man. I won't do that. Right. But if I walk in the house and I tell him, like, yo, today was my last day. Yeah, right, I'm serious, call them accent right for real? What made you? Oh? Them sessions really helping?
How shocked would she be for you to say, like, I'm walking away from making and I'm selling a higher. I'm selling houses, cars, apartments, one of those higher to.
Listen. When when I was with Neil Shot and I parted ways with them, well they let me go, right. I thought I was gonna come home and she was gonna rip me a new one. I came home, man, and this one I was still eating me. She was asking me, what do you want for dinner? I said, what I want for dinner? I said, baby, they just let me go. She said, I know it wasn't your fault, right, They didn't want you there, David, I don't want you
there no more? Right, So what you I was like, Okay, well, I want you to make that good old meatloaf that you make with the spendings and empetic cheese and all that. She'said, that's what you want? I said, absolutely, I'm simple, that's I love that ditch. When I ate, I loved that, and like she like it wasn't she was because my friends he man, they was like yo, Jay's man. I was like ah, bro, she wasn't even mad, Like she
know I like tequila. She had me some some tequila waiting for me at the house, and I was like, she ain't even mad, bro, It was like for real. I was like nope. And I told I'm gonna take the summer off because she was pregnant. I say, I'm gonna take the summer off. I'll start looking for something in September, turn down a job, offering everything because I ain't want to work that far because she was pregnant and it was a high risk pregnancy and we enjoyed
our summer and everything. Yeah, I was shot. So for me to walk away from right now on my terms, walk away on my terms and and have a plan in play, oh yeah, she gonna Yeah, it's gonna be a double high five hug probably, or she might because I know I know her, she might try to hold back a little bit. She'd be like, okay, all right, all right, you no good job, fizz bump high five, you know right now, let's see now, let's let's just
keep this train rolling. But I think it'll definitely bring some joy inside with her, right I think she'll probably step on the porch or whatever, and probably like yeah, you know, or when she pray at night, she'll probably say something like thank you for let opening up dated eyes or giving them the courage and you know, for him to walk away, because like things of that nature. I think that's what she'll say. And it's about that, it's not it's happening, Yeah, it's happening.
I think the phrase you use was happy inside. What difference would it make for you to be making her happy inside?
It would make a big difference, because you know, it was just one thing, and I said, is before one thing that you know makes like that? I feel good. It makes me happy and smile and seeing a smile on my lady's face and my kids' faces, that's the best joy. Like that joy right there. It's just like as hon as you know, it's no it's priceless. And I think and I needed them smiles. I need to put those back on her face, you know, I need.
I need to put those on her face, and some of my chace and moving forward with life is gonna definitely do that, because then everything else is gonna start falling into place like it should be like it used to be.
Right right, And how cool would it be for you to have like a couple million dollars in the bank and your your lady kids happy, Like if you continue on this path at some point in the future, like your bank account is full, Like what how cool would that be?
That'd be real cool. It'd be awesome. It'd be real awesome, right, Probably not a couple of million dough but I have some big money in the bank, And it's a different type of feeling. But having it, having it and don't having really like your significant other to share it with it is a little is different. Having somebody you can share it with and with your kids and stuff like that. That's a ravery good thing. That's a good thing.
How do you know that?
Because it's like even like you know, like even now like with the little the little right, my sons and daughter com their life up to this age, even my daughter has sixteen is night and day compared to minds in Jaylub to their age, right, And it's just the sacrifices that us as parents that we made, and you know, the things that we do to provide for them to give them a little bit better life to do things
like that. Now that's definitely gonna happen. I'm not one of them guys that just because I got a few dollars that I needed to have the most expensive stuff on and things are like, not, that's not me, that's not me. Right So but this changing changing my income or and my savings is just going to open up their eyes to different things that's out there in the world. Like my sons is like Zeke ain't even two yet, in Isaiah is five. They don'et been on more airplanes
than I did. Like I didn't get out my first airplane until I went to a college visit and I was seventeen. My daughter and them been on shee took multiple flights and she's only sixteen, right, So just that little little stuff like that, little vacations going to different states, the furtheres I've been until I was until I went out my college visit was d C. Fursther As. I've
been from Jersey to DC. Never been to Connectic kut no three hours, yeah, three hours, yeah, never been to Never been to Georgia until I became a young man, like twenty twenty one, twenty two. Never been to Florida. My family wasn't in one of the feelings that everybody's gone down south for the summer, because a lot of my family was up in Jersey. So we did a lot of stuff up here, right but yeah, yeah, yeah,
like nope, mm hm. So that's big right now, little things right now, the little stuff we introduced my son to right now, you know, the neighborhood we live in right now, Like I grew up in the hood, like literally the hood. Like you can't walk down my block. You after a certain time of the night, if you ain't from the area, you're not walking down my block, right you're not gonna walk down there. And that's now.
Right back then you probably could a little bit, But I grew up in the hood, like my son don't know about that. Our job is for our kids to grow up better than us, right, that's our job. I'm not mad at my mother and father. My mother raised four kids by itself. She did what she needed to do. She put food on the table, close on our back and the roof of our head, and she did what she needed to do, right. She got up and worked doubles and triples so she can provide for us. And
that's all right. So that was my turn for my children, right I don't gotta work doubles and all that stuff. I still work long hours, though, but I'm not working from nine o'clock in the morning two three to seven o'clock the next morning. I'm not doing that. My mother used to do that, Like I won't see my mother. My sister's at home, but I'm not doing that.
How satisfying does that feel to know that, even though when you haven't been feeling like the best version of you, you still are providing a life for your children that is very different than the life you had grown up.
It feels good, it feels it's definitely feels good, and I know it's going to get better. But it's a like okay, and I'm not content with it. I think at some point in time I got like, all right, that's it. No, mm hmm. I want to do better. I gotta do better. I want them to have better, right. I want them to see certain things. I want them to go to certain places for them to get there and do that. I gotta change certain things, right, I think by that, And now that I know and I
want that, I got it. Like I said, I gotta get uncomfortable for a little bit while they're still young, so that way, when they start getting older, you know, they'll know and they having these conversations with their peers, right, and they see it. You know, they're like, oh, well,
my dad is home. Your dad is home. Yeah, but my dad works at home, and you know, exposing them to certain things, that's what that's the thing, exposure, right, we gotta I feel like as black men, we gotta black men, women and families, we got to expose our kids to certain things outside of the norm. And there's nothing wrong with that. I think we I think we feel like that. It's something. Oh it's uh, why just know. Do I want to live in a predominantly Caucasian white neighborhood. No,
I do not. But I don't want to live in the hood. Don't either. I don't want to worry about my car getting broken into or I gotta watch them. I mean I watch them on my back no matter what and where I'm at, But I don't need to. I don't want that. Right, my son, I want to be to play in his backyard in front of the house and don't got to worry about gunshots and things
of that nature. Like, yes, absolutely, I want him to go to a good school me and Jay when are big on not having them in a predominantly Courtcasian white school. That's it's just us, right when I tell that to people, right, I say, that's just the way we operate. That's what we want. We don't want that, you know, But we definitely don't want to live on Grandad in Pattison either. No, no, yeah, no, I don't want to do that. So it's gonna take some sacrifice into for him to not have to worry
about that. And there's nothing wrong, it doesn't change, it doesn't make you less of a man or none of that. And I told that to I said this in college one time, said this, right. I was like, it was one of my communication classes, and we're doing we're saying something. I was like, see, dude, some of y'all that's from the suburbs and the picket fence and all that. Y'all want to be down and come down to the hood and stuff like that, like digging, that's what it is.
Were trying to get up out of here. I said, Listen, I'd have loved to grow up in the picket with the fence in the backyard and the finished basement and all that. Stuff all the love, but I unfortunately it did and I'm sitting right here next to you and you did. So what now, Hey, yeah, yeah.
We're about out of time, but I just want to ask you to do one quick thing. What's that As you keep moving up that scale that we were talking about earlier, and you start noticing that you're more like a four and a half maybe five instead of three and a half maybe four, I want you to notice how people around you respond. That includes Jane, that includes people at work, and it even includes your kids. Like if you watch them really closely, you're gonna notice little
changes in them. And here's the example. Here's an example. If I were watching you really closely, a really small change is actually evidence of a really big change. And a small change you did that I'd have to be watching you really closely to catch. Would be you are no longer drinking coffee every morning. That seems like a tiny thing, but that means you're going to bed earlier. That means you're getting rest. It means you're waking up
with excitement. That means you're getting your energy from less brown as opposed to black coffee. Like that one little thing is a sign of a larger shift. And I want you to pay really close attention to the loved ones around you, because they are probably doing little things that are evident that they're noticing something's different with David, something different with Dad, and I want you to I want you to pay really close attention to them to notice.
Okay, that sound cool, yep, sound like a play.
Excellent, man, Well, good luck bro, it is. It is amazing to hear what you're doing. And I'm super excited I get to watch it.
All right, man, Thank you man, I appreciate it.
Very welcome.
Bro. All right.
Next, you know, for David and people like David, if you find yourself in a situation where you're stuck, you're dealing with the same problem over and over again, you're tired of being who you are and you want to become who you were meant to be, then I think it's time to seek how to psychotherapists. Like we think that psychotherapy is about like I've got a problem and they need to talk to it therapists to solve that problem. But that's actually not true. Psychotherapy is more about healing
than it is problems. Psychotherapy is more about patterns than it is problems. So if you find yourself in a pattern that is leading you in a direction that you don't want to go in, and you want to develop a new pattern in your life that will help you evolve and grow in a direction that you do want to go in, then go find a psychotherapist and hold that therapist accountable to do the kind of work that
leads to you healing. And if they don't, find another psychotherapist, and another psychotherapist and another psychotherapist until you find the right one that's going to help you create the life that you desire and in fact deserve. The difference between motivation and discipline is motivation is not consistent. Motivation is an emotion, Like when I go to the dentist and the dentist tells me you got cavities, and I've actually
never had a cavity in my whole life. But you know, you go to the dentists and the dentist tells you you got cavities and teeth problems and you need to start flossing, and you know, doing these things for dental care, you're super motivated because you don't want the pain of a deep cleaning in the dentist again, but a week later, like, you're not really interested in flossing because that motivation, that
the pain that's associated with that motivation has waned. But discipline is the act of being consistent with a behavior simply because it is good for you or in line with a goal. Many people will tell you that discipline is actually more important than motivation because discipline means I do it whether I'm motivated or not. I watched an interview with a with a swimmer named Michael Phelps who said for seven years he was in a pool every day.
Now you can't believe that he wanted to be in the pool every single day, but he was dis like, this is the action I've decided to take because it's going to get me where I want to go, which in his case was to become an Olympic gold metal swimmer. Discipline is more important than motivation because discipline means I do it regardless of my mood. That's the difference. And it's important that you make sacrifices in order to create change,
because all change requires sacrifice. In order to become who I'm desirous of becoming, I have to give.
Up who I am. That's the sacrifice.
This is not just a podcast that I want you to consume and be entertained by. I actually want you to be inspired. I want you to be impacted by this, and in fact, we can't help but be impacted by the content we consume. So what I would like for you to do is come on this healing journey with us. Come on this journey of change rediscovery with us. And the way to do that is to just pay attention to the things going on in your life as a consequence of listening to this podcast. Pay attention to things
in your life shifting in a more desirable way. Pay attention to your desirable outcome becoming your reality. Pay attention to evidence of your success, your resilience, and your strength. And let us know in the comments what you're noticing in your life as a result of listening to this podcast and as a result of paying attention to these things. I would love to hear from you about your healing journey,
your family, and your feedback. Leave a review, send a DM, connect with me on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you can also send me a text message to nine seven two four two six two six four zero. Family Therapy is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Podcast Network special thanks to our assistant Glendell Sepe. It's produced by Jack Queish Thomas and the executive producer, Dolly S. Spisham. For more podcasts from The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio
app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The content presented on the Family Therapy Podcast serves solely for educational and informational purposes. It should not be considered a replacement for personalized medical or mental health guidance and does not constitute a provider patient relationship. It is advisable to consult with your healthcare provider or health team for any specific concerns or questions you may have.