[00:04]
Well, look at that, everybody, it’s time to start the show again. This is Faithful on the Clock, the podcast all about getting your faith and work aligned. I’m your host, Wanda Thibodeaux, and today we’re going to cover how to deal with the so-called “difficult” people at your workplace. Let’s get right into that so you can strengthen and connect with your team right now.
[00:32]
Folks, I’ll be honest in that most of the people I’ve worked with have been absolutely amazing people. But let’s face it, I ain’t gonna lie, there are some “characters” out there. I’ve got a good friend, for example, who rants to me every time we get together, I’m not even kidding, about the nonsense that happens at their job, and I know y’all have horror stories of your own, too, am I right? That’s part of life, I guess, but it’s so important to try to get along at work because when you have great relationships at your job, performance, morale, innovation, just about everything gets better, because there’s good trust as a foundation.
[01:10]
So the first thing is, one thing I’ve learned and absolutely want to remember about difficult people at home or work--and I truly believe this--is that there is always a reason for their behavior. Maybe they didn’t have anybody teaching them until now. Or maybe they’re motivated by fear or loneliness or other things. But so often, their reason really has nothing to do with you. It’s not personal. And I think that’s our knee-jerk reaction, to think that it is personal. But if you can just set aside the feeling of annoyance or hurt they make you feel for a second, and if you can focus on figuring out what’s really motivating them to act the way they do, then you can start trying to hit the problem from a place of empathy rather than just assuming it’s maliciousness or that they can’t change.
[02:05]
As an example, I used to work with this person back in the day when I was fresh out of college, and we actually had the exact same role. But I’m telling you, from the minute this individual walked into the office, they could not stop pointing out all the things that were going wrong, or that hadn’t been done yet, and they would almost always point the finger and complain how badly other people treated them. And every time I was scheduled to work with this person, it just felt like, that whole somebody went to the bathroom on my cornflakes. Air just got sucked right out of the room. And I focused on that for such a long time.
[02:44]
But then I thought, you know, why is it that this person has such a hard time seeing the positives? Why is it that they look for what’s going wrong? And it wasn’t until much later that I found out that this person had had a really rough time growing up, you know, had gone through some stuff, and they honestly just had learned from that they weren’t going to be treated the right way and that there was always a problem. And once I realized that, I could see how everything on their end was really more just habit, you know, they weren’t trying to be awful or anything, they just didn’t know how to be different. And so that really changed my perspective of how to approach this person, and I was able to get them to, you know, kind of start looking at how they could be more proactive and confident. I’m not saying everyone has some kind of hidden trauma or anything like that. I’m just saying, most people behave as they do because they’re trying to fill some kind of natural need that they have. You just need to know what that need is to help them move in the right direction.
[03:49]
And I think one of the best scriptures for this is Proverbs 15:1, and that says “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” People will mirror you. We know this from neuroscience and psychology. So that old saying that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, I think that really holds true. You know, treat others the way you’d want to be treated so that they have a good model of what to do and can mimic it back to you, and just remember, like Proverbs 10:12 says, too, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.”
[04:28]
And I think it’s instinctive when someone is being difficult for us to get offended and, you know, kind of bare our teeth a little bit when things get uncomfortable. But in Luke 6:27-29, Jesus says, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak, do not withhold.” And 1 Peter 3:9 has the same idea, and it says “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.”
[05:12]
So you don’t deal with a difficult person by being as venomous or annoying as they are. You know, if you get down in the mud and roll around with a pig, you’ll look like a pig, too. So you deal with them by responding with kindness, always. Don’t try to retaliate or any of that, because in my experience, a lot of times that’s just going to backfire and you’ll be the one who gets disciplined, anyway. Just focus on doing your job, try to see what the other person needs to do their job, and just let the rest go. Because ultimately, you know who you are as God’s heir, and nothing is going to testify to that better than you being compassionate to somebody else.
[06:00]
Another big thing is, I think people are quick to forget that relationships are always two-sided. And sometimes, if somebody’s being difficult, you’re contributing to the situation in some way, too, whether that’s not communicating enough, you’re going after opportunities without considering the other person, that kind of thing.
[06:20]
So there are two verses that I can give you there. The first is Romans 14:13, which says, “Therefore, let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.” And then Matthew 7:3-4, you’ve probably heard this one, “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’ when there is a log in your own eye?” And all these verses mean is that you have to be self-accountable. You gotta ask yourself, are you being a hypocrite or doing something to pour fuel on the fire? And I think that’s really important, because if you do that, at least then you can look back on the situation and say, “Hey, I changed, I did everything I could to resolve this.” You have this opportunity to be vulnerable with the other person and show them that you’re willing to try to do better. And once you show that vulnerability, a lot of the time--not all of the time, but a lot of the time--the other person, then they’re gonna let down their guard and tell you what the real issue is. They’ll start to trust you more to have that conversation with you way more.
[07:40]
Now, let’s just say that you’re doing all of these things and it’s still just a massive dumpster fire every time you go to work. The first thing is, remember that policies and procedures are there for a reason. Follow the process for filing complaints, document everything. Don’t be afraid to go to your boss or HR, because the person you’re dealing with can’t grow if they don’t even know where the boundaries are. And I think teaching them those boundaries and the right way to behave, that’s a very loving thing to do in the long run. And not only that, but your management needs to understand the dynamics of the culture if they don’t already, and it’s their responsibility to help create that environment where people can do their tasks and feel safe. Now, if you’re lucky, your company will have a policy that really does promote forgiving and letting people learn through their mistakes. But everybody should be clear on what needs or is going to happen.
[08:38]
Now, if your boss or HR won’t resolve the issue, and I hope sincerely that you don’t run into this, that’s where you have to take a serious look at your job and start thinking about whether staying in that kind of toxic environment really is going to help you or anybody else. If you have gone through every channel you can and nothing’s changing, then you very well might have to cut your losses. You know, my mom, I remember her saying you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. And you still want to have some faith in people and try, sure, but sometimes the situation really is so broken or you don’t have the resources or what have you, that the healthiest thing you can do is just to get out, and if anyone asks why you left, to just be honest.
[09:22]
So those are the main things. Always remember that there’s a reason for what’s going on, that you might not have all the puzzle pieces yet. Secondly, model what you want to see. Don’t be hard on people even if they’re hard or unkind to you. Third, be self-accountable and look for what part, if any, you played in what’s going on. And then, just make sure that you’re following all the policies and procedures. Don’t let anybody get off on technicalities or say that they didn’t know, and make sure you’re playing by the rules right to the bitter end.
[09:58]
So since I’ve already gabbed for quite a few minutes, let me pray really quick.
[10:03]
God, you are certainly the master of dealing with difficult people. Over and over again people do what they’re not supposed to do, to the point where you sent a flood to just clean everything out. But you also sent your Son. And no matter how rough things got, no matter how badly He was treated, He kept on loving and giving, and He never lost sight of His main objective or who He was. Help us treat others in the office with that same compassion, and to remember that we really are on the same team, not just in our companies, but as your children who are all important and precious to you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
[10:56]
I’m officially done with this one, everybody. In the next episode, I’m going to be talking about one of the most debated issues with professional Christians--can you really be rich and be a follower of God at the same time? There’s one great person from the Bible who gives a big clue, and I’ll tell you exactly who that is next time. Until then, be blessed.