John Crow

So when I was born, my dad had a good job. He was an air traffic controller. We moved to Jacksonville. Things were good. I grew up in a family that. There wasn't a lot of, religion or the Bible. my grandmother was very devout, but as far as my core family, There just, wasn't a lot of religion, a lot of church. when I was about six years old, my dad went on strike. With the air traffic controllers, they ended up getting fired and we.

Entered into a period of my family's life with a lot of uncertainty, a lot of financial instability. And that was just about the time I was aware of what was going on, Um, I have some memories before that, but. Most of my memories are from that time on. And they're like I said, we just struggled financially and. There wasn't. The the Lord to fall back on. Or at least that wasn't modeled for me.

so I grew up with a fear of financial insecurity and that shaped a lot of the way I live my life moving forward. I. Did a lot of running and a lot of, Just trying to live life the best. I knew how but that led to some really dark places. I saw it. Stability. I thought that would come from money. my life was really characterized by less of the eyes, less of the flesh and the pride of life. And so as I grew up, we, we got more stable. My parents worked, they were hardworking. they were loving.

My parents loved me. But they didn't love each other. Well, there was a lot of instability. I have an older brother. Who was troubled. My dad was a Marine and he was a strong-willed child with authority issues. And so that did not go well. Um, my mom had had him before they got married. So growing up, it really felt a lot like it was me and my dad versus me and my mom, or at least that's how I perceived it.

And, uh, so there was a lot of instability, a lot of fighting in the home, a lot of separation. Uh, when they would separate my mom and my brother would go somewhere and me and my dad would be somewhere. so I was always very, very close with my father. He. Been the strongest influence in my life. I would go to work with him. If I wasn't in school, I was wherever my dad was usually. so we moved to Amelia island, when I was in the third grade.

He got a job at a condo complex on the south end of the island. He was the property manager. so we got a free condo or not free, but that was part of the pay package. So we lived in what looked like affluence. but I felt poor. And we. Did what we needed to do to, to live there, you know, cleaned up and fixed things and took care of the tennis courts. I used to get up at five o'clock in the morning and do the tennis court to my dad.

And then he would take me to get something to eat on the way to school and, It really was an idyllic life. You know, we lived on the beach on a barrier island and Florida. It was beautiful. But I didn't feel like that. so much of my life. I was a very small child. I'm always the smallest in my class.

I weighed 88 pounds when I got into high school, when I was a freshman in high school, which, Just lent itself to me, not feeling like I had what other people had, whether that was physically, financially. emotionally, I wouldn't have known it at the time, but spiritually. so I always operated from a sense of lack. I was a good student. I participated in sports. I was a decent athlete. but I always just kind of tried to blend in or keep the peace. As I grew up.

You know, once I got into high school, my brother was gone from the house. My parents were pretty stable. They both had, decent jobs. And I did well in school. Worked. And got into wrestling, which was really good for my self-esteem and, physically, you know, I started working out and just. Feeling more, like a man quote, unquote, for lack of a better term. but still, just always that feeling in my heart that everybody else had something that I didn't have.

so I tried to fill that, like I said, you know, less of the flesh, less of the eyes and the pride of life I wanted. I wanted things I wanted, to be respected by my peers. I wanted comfort. I wanted to feel good. so when I graduated high school, I graduated with honors. Got a, Scholastic scholarship to, Mississippi state university, had done well in wrestling, you know, just. It was kind of feeling like I was okay. And. Got to Mississippi state. And once again, I was a fish out of water.

I wasn't like everybody else. And I really started drinking heavily. I had always dry and I don't ever remember a time in my life where drinking wasn't a part. Of the things that went on, my parents drank heavily, And so when I got to Mississippi state, I. Pretty much drank that year away. I got nine credits and one year they were less than impressed. As you can imagine. And, so when I came back, I was like, I'm not going back. I just, I don't fit in there.

I don't want to be there, and the reality was I just had not taken advantage of an opportunity that had been given me, and I didn't want to face the consequences. So, I dropped out of school, stayed home. it's the first time I ever remember my father and I having what I would call a, a fight, you know, or. Uh, major disagreement. and he was just, he just said, look, you either go back or you're on your own. I'm not going to pay for school and you're not going to live here.

You. And I said, okay, I'll do it my way. And that started a five-year. Journey of me just kind of moving around work and moving from place to place. I moved 13 times in five years. And several of those were cross-country moves. everywhere I went there, I was, and the next place was always going to be better. You know, it was always this job or this place or these people that were my problem. And so, like I said, I moved around a bunch and, landed in.

Southern Alabama and a little town called Fairhope that I absolutely loved. And during that five years, my drinking and then other things took on greater and greater proportions. But when I got to Fairhope. I kind of settled down a little bit. My, I wasn't drinking as much. I wasn't, wrecking my life with other things as much. And I got back into school. Got through the first two years of my school there and had a job. I didn't have a car. I rode around on a bike.

I lived, it was a lot like Fernandina. But I didn't know anybody and I just loved it. So when I got done there, I decided I was going to go on and finish my, college. Degree. And so I chose Auburn university because it was closer to home than the university of Alabama. And I was taken advantage of in state tuition. just before I went to Auburn, I came home for Christmas.

And my brother was home and he was, I, Hey, you know, I'm down in Gainesville, we're doing some things might be a business opportunity that you could take advantage of an Auburn. And I did. it was not legal. but I, I would do anything for money. Yeah. I know that I've, kind of always been that way. I will. I'll do just about anything for money. I'll do anything for the feeling of stability. So. I went to Auburn, that business venture, kinda took off. It was going really well.

I was in school at Auburn. I was there for five years. That business venture kind of morphed into some other business ventures. none of which were legal, but we're all very profitable. by this time I was a full blown drug addict. that had access to anything I needed because of the lifestyle I was living. but that, while it seemed really good at the time, it was extremely detrimental. after I graduated that summer, I got arrested walking into a, concert.

With. What I considered to be just enough for the night. To get through the show. but the state of Alabama deemed enough that I might be a distributor. And so, the state of Alabama decided that I might be an alcoholic or an addict and that I needed help. And, their version of help was 10 years in jail. And so. That drug out over two years, I ended up moving back home. I was coaching the wrestling team.

president of the optimist club volunteer and, you know, from the outside, looking in, it looked like I was living a responsible life. I was still a drug addict, but by this point I didn't have the means that I had before. So it was, not nearly as easy, but. By the end of this, dragging through the court system, I ended up going and just saying, Hey, you know, I know, 10 years in jail, isn't going to do me a whole lot of good. And I don't think it'll do the state of Alabama a whole lot of good.

I made a huge mistake. You know, How can we resolve this? they ended up giving me a 10 year suspended sentence, a large fine a thousand hours community service. And. A year of probation. Which meant that if I was caught drinking or using drugs in that year, I went directly to the state. penitentiary for 10 years. you can imagine what that did for my drinking and using absolutely nothing. I spent the next year continuing to drinking, use drugs and game the system. And. Uh, almost got caught.

I didn't. Praise the Lord. Um, but I got through all of that. And I'm still just living my life for my comfort, for my wellbeing. You know, I, anything I did was at a selfish. And self-seeking motives. so eventually. Aye. Came to a point where I just, I couldn't live like that anymore. And I decided I was going to get sober. It was a process, but I eventually did get sober. it took a couple of times, a few times trying.

But, as that played out, I was in a fellowship that, supported that, that talked about God. so I was, given the opportunity to explore a relationship with God. That's what I would call it. And that was helpful. And I did. Did get sober and I changed in a lot of ways and it was better. During that time I met my wife. actually I met her before we both got sober, but we got sober. And then she had a relapse. And, I stayed sober. Which was a miracle.

She ended up getting sober and staying sober, which was another miracle. we were together for a bout 10 years. We ended up getting married. we had been together, been sober, working hard, involved in recovery. you know, everything looked really good and, and was really good. It's up. Fundamentally I had not changed. It was still about me doing the work. It was still, you know, I could say the things like I was powerless and I needed God and all of that. But somewhere, obviously deep inside.

I still thought I was doing. What was being done? And so at 10 years sober, I thought I had become a different person. I found myself in a situation where I was doing things that, uh, no godly man should be doing. and I couldn't blame it on drugs and alcohol. And so I almost. Killed our marriage. Um, It was very. Humbling. it was very hard. Um, And so. Prey, just praise God. She's such a strong person. You know, when we were going through this thing, I expected her to just give up on me.

I really did and would not have blamed her, but she stood by me and she just said, I believe in you. And I know who you are. And we're going to make this work. And I held onto her faith. And, through that process. She. Was I, I want to start going to church. And I did too. I was just, I was ready, you know? So we started, going to different churches, just looking for a church home. it was very hard. There was a lot of things to work through.

But the Lord just really held our hands through all that and walked us through. So, uh, when we were talking about, you know, where we wanted to go to church. And, kind of what our backgrounds were and you know, what. What we thought we needed. And I was like, I don't know where I want to go to church, but I'm absolutely certain, I do not want to go to a mega church. That's the only thing I know.

well, during this time, a really good friend of mine had sent us a sermon series on the song of Solomon. And it along with a series on marriage done by Jordan Peterson. And the counseling that we were going through. I would point to as what saved our marriage. Eh, and not them in particular, but those were the things that pointed us to Jesus as the answer.

And so we started bouncing around to different churches and we end up going to the church that the pastor that had done the song of Solomon series on. And low and behold, it's a mega charge. And, uh, but we're like, we're just going to give it a try. You know, we're not going to end up going there, but. We ended up walking in the door and we weren't there 10 minutes and we looked at each other and we're deciding, you know, this feels like home. Which was amazing.

And so we started going to church there and, Just the. The spirit there. Was so prevalent and so strong. And so it hooked us. so we started going to church there and we're still working through our stuff and, Part of what they recommend is getting into a discipleship group. so we're like, okay, we're going to get into discipleship group. And the first one we go to, we just. I don't know how to explain it.

Other than, you know, the Lord has ordered our staffs and they, he led us right into this discipleship group with this. Beautiful group of people that just have walked with a us. And. Lifted us up. And cried with us. Uh, and laughed with us and, uh, So we get into this discipleship group and, um, I end up having this experience at home one day. my wife and I were separated. I had come home. I had just kind of laid on the bed. I wasn't. Trying to nap. I wasn't trying to pray.

I wasn't trying to meditate. I just kind of. Laid down and I had this experience, uh, For a while I laid there that I don't really know how to describe. But in this experience I began to see. What I had done and my marriage. From my point of view from the beginning. Up until I was laying there in the bed. And as I did, I had this weight on my chest. I couldn't get up. It was a, uh, tactile white. It was like somebody had said a huge rock on my chest. That was growing and growing and growing.

And I got to where I was laying there in the bad and it flipped over. And I began to see that same experience from my wife's point of view. And I saw the damage I had done and the hurt that I had caused and the betrayal. And that rock just kept grow and grow. And then when I got. Back. It was kind of a loop. And when I got to the point where that had started from her point of view, I had this thought, this revelation that I needed a savior. And immediately the face of Jesus met me. Right.

I, it was like, I was looking into his eyes. And that weight lifted. And I could feel again, I couldn't move. But I knew at that moment that I had been saved. And, that just ignited a passion in me too. Seek the Lord. He met me with truth and he says, I am the way the truth and the life. And for me, he met me with truth. And the truth was the. I was not a quote unquote good man. Um, But I did desire to be better. And that he was the only way that was going to happen. I can't describe the.

Guilt and shame and remorse. And I was just disgusted with myself. And when he appeared in my vision. And my eyes were shut and, you know, but when he appeared to me face-to-face, that was lifted. And I knew at that point, That he had died on the cross for me. And that. Aye. Needed to live my life for him. And so since then it's been a journey. Of how do I do that? So. Going back. We were in the discipleship group. We, we both get baptized. And then we run into. Another really hard time.

Yeah, no, I was thinking I'm getting bad ties. This is going to be pretty much a straight shot from here to the right hand of God. and that wasn't exactly how it went, but, What happened is my wife had a really bad relapse. And the Lord provided me an opportunity to stand by her. And it was such a beautiful thing. It was, very scary. It was heart-wrenching. it was, One of the hardest things. I've ever been through. But it was completely different.

With the Lord. so I was able to stand by her and love her. And. Pray for her. And we ended up getting her into treatment. And, uh, She picked the place. And so she was going to go to treatment and just before she left, Things had taken a turn for the worse. And, in that time, the Lord had brought a good friend of ours back into our life that we had known previously, who, when we got baptized, she reached out. And she was like, Hey, I hear you been given the keys to the kingdom.

And so, she became just a pivotal person and. hour. Walk with the Lord. So it came down to the day the, my wife was, going to treatment and things needed to change and it was just kind of chaos. And I ended up calling. Andrea and saying, Hey, you know, I'm I was sitting in my truck, crying. Just like, I don't know what to do. And she said, well, where are you? I said, I'm at the shops that I'm three minutes away. So she comes over, gets in the truck. Lays hands. Hands on me and begins to pray.

And the holy spirit fills the truck. I mean the temperature lowered. I felt peace. I felt calm. Nothing had changed, but everything was different. So we then needed to go and talk to Aaron and say, Hey, look, you know, I know you're supposed to go on to treatment, but we're actually going to detox first. She was less than excited about that. But we got through that. and, Looking back. I can see how. The Lord just has surrounded me with the people, Really the person who spent the most time.

And the most energy and probably prayed for me more than anybody else in my life. With somebody I've known now for 30 years. And he's, he's always walked with the Lord. We both had our struggles and our stories kind of intermingle with the drugs and the alcohol and stuff. But. Looking back. I can see God put him in my life long ago. And he earned the right. To speak. Life. And to me. And to speak to me about the Lord. And he and his family showed up the day we got baptized.

It's just been a beautiful. Story. I mean, I don't even know how to describe how the Lord works. But looking back, it's so obvious that he does. You know, it's always hard when I'm moving forward. To see. How the Lord is working. But when I look back, it's always so obvious, and I just wonder, like you had a. Man. If I had known that the whole time I'd have just gone along willingly with a good attitude and you and a half. So we get through that period of time.

So after I got baptized, A good friend of mine was struggling with some mental issues and, and errands relapse. Probably 60 to 90 days after I got baptized. Was a real test of faith. I really feel like, um, I was being tested. And I was very new. To faith. so I didn't have a lot of experience to fall back on. But I did have a lot of people. That had faith. They were speaking life and to me, and that were walking with me and that loved us through that. We get through that period.

And, Aaron's doing great now. Oh, what I wanted to say about her rehab experience was. So she picks out this place in south Florida because it's the one place she can get a private room. She doesn't have to share a room with somebody. And, uh, so we end up finally, we get her down there. She walks in and is talking with the. Clinical director and the conversation turns to faith. And she's like, yes, I am a believer. And it just so happens that this place has four counselors.

All of them are believers. And so for the next 30 days, They speak the word over her. Now she's been to treatment before. More than once. But the experience of being there. And them speaking the word over her speaking life and to her was. Indescribable. I mean, I don't have words to describe what that did for her and for me, And what we learned through all of that is the. We need. To each be seeking Jesus. If we want to be closer to each other.

And the closer we get to him, the closer we get to each other. And that has changed our relationship. it's been. Just incredible. The change that has happened in our relationship. Through Just that one change. And changing each person's focus. so now, you know, we are both. Doing our best to walk with the Lord and we spend our time with other believers. We spend our time. Doing things that try to add a fire, him and ourselves. there's still challenges. There always are challenges.

but the challenges are his and not mine now. You know, there's such a freedom. And walking with the Lord. so. Now we're we're rooted. I really feel like we're rooted as a family. And, The last thing I really wanted to talk about you in a God. There's so many things the Lord has done. Just the people he's put in our lives. so now, we're trying to walk with the Lord and, an old friend of mine, somebody that I have known for seven or eight years.

We've been really good friends and, through our relationship, he had seen me. Come to the Lord and. And we got to talking about that and. And. I saw how that ignited in him, a fire for the Lord. Again. And as God. Does, he just shifted things around And so now he's actually working with us. so, I get to spend my work day. Talking about Jesus. And. Oddly enough, six months ago I was ready to sell my business. I just didn't feel like there was purpose in it.

I, um, Was overwhelmed just with the work aspect. And there, they were just things that I was like, I don't know if I can do this anymore. so we got to talk in, you know, I've got to talking about Jesus and, he eventually came on. And since then, my work is what I do for a living, but it's not what I do to pay the bills. Yeah. So much in my life, looking back to even BN, uh, Very young person. My life was about what I did to pay the bills. and so much of my. meaning self-esteem self-worth.

Really centered around. How I got the bills paid. And so now while I'm riding around doing locksmiths stuff, in between I get to talk about, okay, so how can we advance the kingdom? How, how can I be a better disciple of Jesus? What can I do to help others see the Lord and the goodness and the grace and the mercy that's available to them to. And now works not working anymore. You know, so a good portion of my life is spent, whether it is talking with my friend.

That works with me or talking with my friend that. Helped bring me to the Lord or talking with my wife or talking with my friend that has been brought back into our lives. So much of my life is spent just. Forgetting not his benefits. The, the thing that I held on to during that time, that time after I got baptized. Was God is at work and all things. For the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose. And I can tell you, I quoted that scripture. 10,000 times.

During that period. And God proved that true. And it's something that as I face new challenges, I can reflect back on. And say, you know, God is at work and all things. For the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose. And if that's true. And I know it is. Then he's at work and whatever it is I'm facing today. Whatever challenge it is, whatever monumental task, whatever. Thing that I just can't seem to wrap my head around. God has to be at work and this thing too.

And so it takes my mind off of what it is that I'm facing. And it sets my mind on things above. So one of the scriptures that I've memorized of light. Has been Colossians three, one through 17. And I often go back the first-line and there, if then you were raised with Christ set your mind on things above. Not on things of this earth. And so when I find myself in these challenges, That's my challenge. To set my mind on him. To take my mind off of what's in front of me.

And to set my mind on what's above. And what I find is that when I do that, the temperature lowers the fear lessens the problem isn't quite as big as it seemed. And I'm able to just place my trust in the Lord. And when I do that. He's at work. And all things. Yeah. Hi. Um, I'm so grateful, W when you reached out to me about doing this, I was super excited. You know, part of the walk as learning, how to walk. I'm don't have a lot of experience.

You know, when, when I say that I don't have, I didn't grow up in church. I had, you know, I don't know all the things. But what I've learned is that the Lord is very gracious. And, uh, that he fills that gap. You know, and I really do believe that if I will. Give what I have. He'll give what I need. Absolutely. What I always like to ask people is. If there's one. Bit of wisdom that you could pass on to somebody who's out there in the future, listening to this podcast.

And, you know, the Lord is going to do it, and he's going to put somebody there that needs to hear this. What would that one piece of wisdom be? love the Lord, thy God, with all my Heart mind, soul and strength. And love your neighbor as yourself. I don't know. How much wisdom I have. But. I do know. That if I trust in the Lord. He will provide what I need. And I had to let go of getting what I want. And seek what I need.

Today I'm, uh, that I can trust the Lord that he has plans for me and plans for me to prosper. I always thought I needed to do the prospering. But. What the Lord provides is so much better than what I would look for. Every time. Every single time. Yeah. That's been my experience too. Is there anything else you want to add? No just, Gratitude. Like a deep and abiding gratitude for. For the way the Lord has worked in my life or the people that he's surrounded me with for the opportunities, the.

That I've been given, you know, so many times I have squandered opportunities. That I don't know that I deserved another chance. But. I trust that he knows better than I do. So I just want to. Be a good and faithful servant. I want to do what he wants me to do. I want to see the things that he wants for me. And that is not always easy. You know, it's not easy giving up 50 years of, Patterns. You know, I don't know how else to describe it other than patterns.

And taking on the pattern that he has designed for me. That's my deepest desire. to be the man that he called me to be. And in that. Him being glorified. And not me. Well, John, thank you so much for doing this and taking the time to tell your story. It's uh, Really been a blessing. Would you pray for our listeners? Absolutely. I just think you, I thank you for your. Faithfulness your goodness, your gentleness, your kindness. I thank you for your patience. I think you. Four. The opportunity.

To sit down and talk with the talk about you. With a good friend. I thank you for the listeners. I pray for that listener that might hear that one thing. That brings them closer to you. I thank you most for the finished work of your son. Jesus Christ on the cross that made it possible for us to be here today. I thank you for your love. I thank you for the holy spirit. I just pray that this entire world would turn to you. God. And we would all see queue.

That we would lay aside our plans, our designs, or her. Care's our concerns, our worries, our dreams, our hopes. Lay them at your feet. And seek your will. And that's everyone. From the people that are struggling today with whatever it is that they struggle with. Uh, to people in positions of power. Politicians, those making decisions that affect. Millions of people. I just prayed that they would turn to you for guidance. And I pray that. In that this world would come to know you.

Come to know your justice, your mercy, your love. Your grace. And I just pray that that would make this world. I pray that your kingdom would come on our earth as it is in heaven. I think you for the model. Of Jesus Christ and how to live our life and how to love our neighbor. And I just pray that. I would continue to seek that as a model for my own life. And that I would be a good steward of the gifts that you have given me. And. Trying to help others that are seeking the same. In Jesus' name?

I pray. Amen. All right, man.