Carlos Serrano

but like you already mentioned, my name is, Carlos Serrano. I was born in Puerto Rico back in 51, so that makes me 74 years old. And, um. Tell you a little bit of, my childhood. Um, my father's name was Carlos, of course. I am Carlos Serrano. Um, name after him. My mother's name was, is Mercedeses. my father, he was a fisherman. He, you can say he was jack of res in Puerto Rico. And my mother, she was a housewife. my father, a great man, a good man. but he had a weakness and that was alcohol.

he would drink and he would get violent, and, so that caused problems in the marriage. My mother, of course, she was a housewife, a, a woman that Live with, Christian parents. And she, and when she married my father, and, so after four or five years, after five years, the problem of my father's drinking caused, a separation where my mother, was afraid.

He never, never touched her, never, abused her, but she was a woman that was, afraid that, one day that my father would hurt, you know, her in some kind of way or either or me. she decided to leave him and, she, left from New Jersey. I'm sorry, she left from Puerto Rico to New Jersey where she had a sister. And, and that was the, I guess that was the beginning of my nightmare. I. Because I love my father, I love my mother.

And next thing I knew, I was in a plane heading to Philadelphia, to a land that I had no idea. so we went to New Jersey, and my mother, she settled there with her sister. And of course, the moment my father heard about it, which, my father wasn't in Puerto Rico at that time because my father was a freshman man, he worked, a different job. But there was a time where there wasn't, there was no work in Puerto Rico.

So he would fly to Brooklyn and he would work there for a season, and of course he would send my mother money and all that to keep us going until he would return until there would be work again in the island. so he was, he happened that, he was in New York at that time when my mother went to New Jersey. So as soon as he heard about it. He, went to Jersey to see her and to talk to her.

But now she was even more afraid that, what would he do if she went back with him after she did what she did that, left the way she did. So she was really afraid. And then, of course, influence people talking, saying things, but anyway, to make a long story short, my mother decided not to go back with my father. And, I was caught up in the middle because I wanted to be with my father. I wanted to be with my mother, and it was difficult.

So my father would, try to come from New York every, couple weeks, and he would come to the school where they put me in, See me. So he would wait for me after school and, we would be together for a couple hours and then he would go back to New York. So that was working in me. And then of course, I didn't know the language, it was very hard for me. I was in, in a situation where I didn't understand the teachers. I didn't understand, what was going on.

So I was, dealing with a lot, the bullying in school because I didn't speak English. the lack of not being able to communicate with people. So it was a rough time for me at that age. I had to be about six or seven years old. so anyway, one day my father came to see me and I told my father that I wanted to leave. I wanted to be with him, not with my mother. And my father's, he just, he said, you want to go? let's go. And, I left with him just like that.

My mother, of course, she couldn't do nothing about it. she didn't know how to speak English. She didn't know how to anything. She didn't know how to call the police or whatever. so anyway, I went to New York with my father and things were not like what I thought they were gonna be because, my father was working and now I wasn't in school. it was hard for him to keep me. he end up sending me to, Puerto Rico to my grandparents. House to his mom and my grandfather, his dad.

And they were all already, they were old. They were really old. But anyway, they took me in and, they put me in school. So there, even though I missed my mother and my father, because he stayed in New York, my mother was in New Jersey. So now I was living with my grandparents, and at least I was back in my environment. I was in school for a little while. But, like I said, they were old. they could not help me like with my homework or anything like that.

So my grandmother used to like, get some, some of the kids in the neighborhood to help me with, my school, work, homework and stuff like that. so after a while, my parents, my grandparents could not keep me no longer, so they sent me back to my mother. So now when I went back to my mother, It so happened that she had met somebody, I figured a couple years had gone by, or a year or so I met somebody.

And I was there with her for a while and the person that she had met now, seems to really love her. But, at first he showed, that he liked me, but then he married my mother, and then once he married my mother, he showed his true colors that I wasn't part of the picture, so we haven't, we started having problems. it seems like everything that I did in the house, it bothered him. If I open the refrigerator, bother him. If I turn the TV on, bother him if I go outside and play, bother him.

just about everything. So we created an environment where, was strive all the time between. My mother, him, and me. So my mother end up sending me to my grandmother's house on my mother's side. So I was with them, they were old, like again, neither one knew had a read or right. And it was difficult, very difficult living with this grandmother on my mother's side. So she kept me for a while and next thing I know they sent me back to my mother.

Now my mother, already started, having started a family. I have, three brothers and one sister, and so I was there. Things really got rough. Really, really got rough. because now I was a little, I was a little bit older and, and I could, we had confrontations between him and me. And, so one time we really went at it in such a way, I had to be about 14 years old. And we really had it, you know, I mean, it was really rough.

So my mother decided that, this was not gonna work, this and that and the other. So I, I was sent to Puerto Rico again. So I spent from the age of six years old to about 14, just going back and forth from one, one place to another. Then I came, I went to back to Puerto Rico. I was there for a while. And, an uncle of mine who I admire. He was like, my God, this good looking guy, nice dressed nice, the nice car, he had it all. And I always looked up to him.

And, so it so happened that when I was in Puerto Rico, he came to visit my grandmother. and, I actually begged him, please take me, which you want, take me with you, I don't want to be here in Puerto Rico. So he said, if you can convince your father, I'll take you.

I, yeah, begged my father to please let me go, because I, at least I had a better opportunity here in the States then I, in Puerto Rico, over there at that time where you have a sugar cane, you either gonna end up cutting sugar cane or fishing, because that was the industry, that was what's going on over there. So my father, he, because of his love for me, he allowed me to come with my uncle. And, so I live with my uncle in, in Camden, New Jersey, little town.

And I was there with him for, a while and there was, a little problem between him and his wife. And we end up both in the streets. So, uh, uh, uh, in other words, I between the age of, I would say six years old. I was 15, 16. I lived here. I lived here, there and everywhere. I live with grandmothers and my mother's side, my grandparents on my father's side, I live with uncles, cousins, you name it. But then eventually around I was 15, 6, 15 and a half.

I would say my uncle, rented me a room in this house where they rented rooms. it was something they did back in the days, and I. I was happy there. I had this little room, it wasn't much, but that, I felt comfortable there. It was the first time I had my own bed and all that. So I would, live in my room. I would get up in the morning. I would go to school. Nobody was making me get up. I would go, in, go to school, come from school.

I had gotten working papers or permits to work, the school where I was going to, they hired me to do janitorial work after school. So here, the stuff I used to write on the walls, now I have to be clean. So I didn't like that. And I would tell my buddies, say, don't be writing on the walls, man. don't be writing that stuff about you and Linda. You love Linda. Linda loves you because I gotta clean that up. So that's when they did it the most, because they knew I had to clean it.

So it was, uh, it was challenging. So, uh, I did that, for a long time. I worked, came from school. I would change my clothes and I would go to work and I come outta work. I would take my shower and I would sit down and do my homework. sometimes, I'd be up to midnight doing my homework and to take to school. so I, my, my goal was to join the Air Force and just disappear. I, I felt abandoned. By my mother. I felt, I was carrying a lot of, a lot of grief, hatred, anger, bitterness, you name it.

because of how my, because the time that I lived with my stepfather, the treatment, how he treated me, my mother felt that she was more on his side than on my side, that She chose him over me. So there was a lot inside of me. so I, a purpose to, I was gonna join the Air Force and just disappear. I wasn't gonna look back, but then, you can make all kind of plans, but doesn't mean they, they're gonna turn out the way you want. as I was going out, I was doing good.

I was keeping my nose out of trouble, this and that. But along the way, a friend, uh, introduced me to, drugs. Um. You know, I used to drink a beer, as a young kid, kids do crazy stuff. Teenagers, drink a beer or smoke a cigarette, whatever. But I had a friend who, was on my back, come on, man, let's do this, man, just one time, And, you're gonna see, how good it is. and, but he just kept on me, on my back.

And one day I got so fed up, I figured that, to get him off my back, I'm gonna go ahead and do this, one time. And by then he would leave me alone. And I was introduced to hard drugs. and that one time, cost me 20 years of my life. Because for 20 years of my life, I trying to find that first high. So I was in a constant search and didn't realize it. And, as every day went by and I got deep. And more deep and deep into this, drug thing without realizing it.

and then after a while, you start lying to yourself. You start saying that, I can quit. I can stop any time I want. It's like cigarettes. you smoke for so many years, and then, people tell you, why don't you stop? And you tell the people, oh, I, I can stop whenever I want. why don't you do it right then and there and throw the secrets away? So I found myself, for 20 years dealing with this. I was self denial. in and out relationships, uh, hurt more, hurt more pain. so a lot of things happened.

Those 20 years, my life could have been taken away because I have found myself in situations where I had guns pointed at my face and I was so tired of living that I, the guy that was holding the gun, I said, pull the trigger, man. And for some reason he didn't have the gut, so it wasn't God's will that, that he would do that. And I was just, I didn't know my rope. And I was about 37 years old now because I got, I got, involved with drugs when I was about six.

in 1967 is when I first got involved with the drug habit. That's when you know hippies and let's make love and not war and all that kind of stuff, or, I was proud of that. anyway, trying to make a long story short, in, in, 87, I was already with my wife now who's we have been together, for 45 years. Praise God for that. God has used her in a might powerful way. When we got together. She didn't know who I was.

You know, you always put your best foot forward, but then, when she realized who I was and what was controlling my life, I guess she already had fallen in love with me. And it's, it was hard for her to, walk away from the relationship. And I had my first son. and that made it even harder. even though people told her to leave me. 'cause I wasn't gonna amount to nothing, you know, I was going, But, she saw something in me that I didn't see, in myself.

But being in New Jersey, being, living the kind of life I was living, my life was hanging by a threat. and, anyway, I used her to bring me to Florida where I, came. It was like she's saying, she was saying to me, this is your last chance. we have a family and you need to change and you can keep going like the way you're going. So we came to a place called Fort Myers and there, I started working as an electrician. I got hired as an electricians helper.

'cause I didn't even know how to change the light bulb. But it was a, this was guy already working, in my life. I knew there was something inside of me, but I didn't know there was a hunger. There was a thirst, there was a emptiness, there was a void. And I trying to feel that void with liquor. I trying to feel that void with drugs. I trying to feel that void with the things of the world. I thought that partying and doing all this stuff that you do, that was it.

But I realized, the time came when I realized that, really that was nothing, Anyway, when I was in Fort Myers, I started working with, with an electrical company. they hired me as the electricians helper, so they're willing to train me and all that. And got already had a plant where he put me to work with a man. his name is Russ White. And I praise God for his life, his family, because this guy, he, he was like my, my, my leader, my lead man, a foreman. And he invited me to church one, one day.

I, after us working together, and when he told me to, you know, when he asked me, I told him where to go. I said, I don't wanna hear about, church. I don't want hear about none of that stuff, so don't you know, I will work with you side by side from seven o'clock in the morning until. Because there were times that we worked to 11 o'clock at night from seven o'clock, we worked 12, 13 hours. I said, I work with you, no problem. I do whatever you tell me to do, but do not talk to me about religion.

And he said, oh, I'm sorry. I apologize. I said, no, it's okay. But the guys working around me, they came up to me and said, Carlos, don't talk to him like that. he's not like us. He's the real deal. So you need to show him some respect. I said, really? So that challenged me that, that was like a homework for me. I'm gonna bust this guy, I'm gonna show this. So you know, I'm gonna show this guy that he's not working, you know?

But to my amazement, we were doing a high riser, in, by the beach in Naples, Florida. And we be working. And when you hear a lot of whistling, that means there was a woman on the beach. So all the guys would run to the balcony, Hey baby, hey. And this, some of those girls were crazy. They did some crazy junk, so we were there whistling, hey, and instead of, of course I'm gonna be honest, I would go look real quick, because I like to see what's going on.

Then I would run back into the unit, and when I say unit, I'm talking about apartments that we were doing a million dollar apartments. I would run to look for him to see where was, what was he doing? And to my amazement, he would just stay working. He didn't run that day, you know, the loss of the eye, you know, that is, and now that blew my mind, like man. because this man, I got to know him. He had a wife just like I did. He had two sons, just like I did. He had two daughters just like I did.

So I knew that he was a straight shooter. I said, wow. Hmm. So that, that caught my attention. And okay, the guy, I saw that when we were having conversations, that it were not so pretty, he would walk away. He didn't take part in the conversations or the jokes that we were, sharing. And I, you know, I'm paying attention. I'm looking, I say, wow. And then every time we finish one of those units, our boss would give us a big old party, so there was the whiskey, the beer, the food and all that.

That was another thing. I would grab my plate and I would start looking for him, see where he's at. So he would be somewhere by himself with his little plate, with drumstick, with some mashed potatoes called slaw and a coat versus us, we had all kind of stuff. So that caught my attention. And then I think the thing that really, really worked in me was that one night we worked till about 10 o'clock at night and we came outta there out of the job site.

And somebody had done something that, that really bothered me. They had taken a trash can full of trash and emptied on his seat. And when we came outta there, I was tired, I was hungry. I wanted to go home. And we opened the van and all this trash and we knew who'd done it. and you gotta understand, Russ is about, he looks like a linebacker. big guy. 200 and something about six something. And I looked at him and I said, Russ, what are you gonna do about this?

And well, he said, uh, don't worry about it. God's gonna take care of it. I looked at him, I said, God, I'm not God, but I'm gonna take care of it. So I was ready to go in there and have it out with this guy. And the way he reacted to that, it just blew my mind, that I said, man, this guy has such peace, such self-control. I want some of that. And of course, he used to talk to me, but he really didn't try to push any kind of religion or anything like that on me.

he didn't try to drown me with, oh God, if you don't accept God, you're gonna go to hell. And he never did that. So that took me to a place where one day we were working and out of the blues, I said, Hey Russ. I wanna talk to you. And he asked, and he said, what? I said, first of all, I wanna apologize to you. And he said, for what? So I said, the first time you invited me to church, you, I answered you in a very bad way, so I wanna apologize for that.

So he said, don't worry about that, Then I said, does that invitation still stands? And he said, of course. as a matter of fact, we having a revival in our church. And I said, first of all, I didn't know what a revival was. That's number one. Number two, I said, yeah, I'll go, come and pick me up. Because I just wanted to get outta the house. I was bored, I was new in, in Fort Myers. I didn't know my way around. I was starting from scratch. we have been through a lot.

When I came from Jersey over here, I had three kids and a hundred dollars in my pocket. That's how we started. And, he said, sure, I'll pick you up. So we, he came by the house, that evening and picked me up, took me to the church, and there, the first thing that I think impacted in my life was the person that was at the door.

And, you know, everything in the ministry, it is a ministry, even the person that's at the door, because that person, first of all, God put Russ in my life to, to show me that there are people that you know, that you can look at them and see the presence, and you can see the power of God here on this earth because people are looking for signs they wanna see, you know, they want to feel, be able to touch or see with their eyes, you know, God's presence or whatever, because they're looking for

signs in miracles. I guess that's the word I can use. So first God puts Russ in my, in my life so I can go to church. And the reason why I didn't, I had not gone to church before. Well, I had visited churches, but, you know, just, just for the heck of it, let's be honest.

I would go to church, like for Mother's Day, I would go, even though my mom and me were not, you know, uh, anyway, I would go see her Mother's day and then of course I would go to church with her 'cause she has always been in church, or for funerals, things like that. But, and the services that I went to, I never paid no attention and I never heard anything.

And the reason for that is because the people that had invited me to church before Russ was people that were doing the same things that I was doing. So how can you invite me to church? And you are sitting at the bar with me with a beer in your hands and a drink in front of you. How can you tell me, Hey, why don't you come to church with me tomorrow? And when you leave the bar, instead of going home to your wife, you're going to go see your honey.

You know that you have, So these are the people that used to invite me to church. So of course I like, I don't need your guy. I don't need your God. Why would I wanna, go to church? But this man is different. This man has shown me that man, there's something real and truth, there's some truth about the things of God. so that's the first thing that got put in my in, in front of me. The second thing was when I went to the church, the lady Ruth Ann, never gonna forget that lady.

She welcomed me in such a way that I felt that love. It wasn't something, this is what I gotta do. Hey brother, how are you? Good to see you. Welcome to our church. Now this lady grabbed me and she hugged me and she said, man, it's so good to see you. Never seen me in my life. And I felt that love. I felt that connection. And in my mind I said, does this woman know who she hugging? This woman crazy. She don't know me, but that, that touch him.

and of course, I went in and I sat all the, in the back, like always, And, I just stood looking around, scoping the place, scoping the people that were coming into that church. And, the service started and they had a pastor that, that was visiting and this pastor preached about, how much God, cares for us. And then for the first time, I can say I was, 37 years old and I heard the gospel for the first time in my life. He called my attention, woke up something in me and I was like, wow.

And I never heard this before and I never heard this before. So I went to work the next day and all day long I was asking Russ questions about this and about that. And he had the answers now his own answers. But because he had read the Bible, he had studied the Bible. So he gave me not his own opinion, but what was in the Bible, even though I didn't understand, when you said to me, when he said to me about Matthew or John or Luke or Mark or whatever, I'm like, who are those guys?

I didn't know nothing. So anyway, this, all day long I was asking him questions and then I asked him, is this thing going on? tonight again? He said, yeah, it's gonna be a three nighter. I said, oh man, come and pick me up. So I went the second night. The second night I was not a happy camper. Because the second night, this man, I mean, he was like, the only thing missing in his message was my name. My name. I was the only thing missing. Mm-hmm. That man shared.

He talked like he knew my life inside out. He talked about my anger, my bitterness, my pain, my suffering, my loneliness. I was like, what the heck? You know? And I just, I just came outta there. I was so confused. I was Conviction regrets. I don't know. it was a crazy night for me that night. It was so crazy that I went home. When I got home.

I hate to admit it, I grabbed my wife by, by, by her shoulders, and I shook her and I said, why in the world who told you to call that church and tell 'em our personal business, our personal life? And my wife, she's strong spirit. She looked at me and said, first of, I don't believe you was in church. That's number one. Secondly, I don't know, I don't have no idea what you're talking about, so you better get your answer for me before. And, so I'm like, now I'm confused. I'm really messed up.

So I go back to work the next day and I'm really asking Russ questions, but I'm rough this time. Like, why did the pastor say that? Why did this pastor say that, why he said this? And then the other. And he said, well, Carlos, you gotta understand, God speaks through people, so God, whatever, whatever he says, because that was God talking to you. And I'm like, because a lot of the things that he said, only I knew them. This man had never seen me. I don't know this man.

And we don't know each other, So I, I was mad, I was angry, I was hurt, but there was a lot of truth in what he said. So I asked him again, and this thing going on tonight now, And he said, yeah, tonight's the last night. So I said, come and pick me up, man. I wanna go. So this was in 87. So he picked me up and I went, and man, he preached about the love of God for Gospel of the world, that he gave his only grandson. Man, that, that hit me so hard.

And the way he broke it down, you know how God wants to heal you. He wants to forgive. First of all, God wants to forgive your sins. He wants to transform your life. He wants to bring healing, mentally, physically, spiritually, emotion. You know, I mean, it was like everything that I needed was right there in the package. And, I'm like, wow. You know, so I, I wasn't used to all this stuff. I wasn't familiar with all of this stuff. I used, I, every night.

those, he would, after he finished his, message, he would make the altar call, which I didn't understand what that was all about. And I used to see, he would say, those who, need to come to the altar do so those who need to go home, please leave quietly. And those who want to help. To pray over the ones that come to the altar, please come. And I would see the crowd, see all kind of people go up there. I used to, hear people crying and all that, I'd be watching.

I'm like, So that last night that he did that, I was in the back, and I'm wrestling now with three nights of this man. what he had shared with us. And so I'm standing looking, everybody's got their heads down, their eyes closed. He made the call. People, boom. Went to the front. He's up there on the altar and I'm wrestling with myself. It was like I had two people inside of me. One person was telling me, go, the other one was telling me, that's not for you, man. That's not for you.

You're strong. You're not like those weak. Look at those people crying. They should be embarrassed. And the other boys would tell me, what was, how, when your father, when your stepfather was abusing you, where was God? Where was God when? When your mother chose your stepfather over you? Where was God when you know your father was drunk somewhere and you were somewhere, he didn't know. Had no earth idea where you were.

Where was God when you walk in the streets of Canada, New Jersey at three o'clock in the morning? No place to, where was God when you asked him? 'cause I remember one time that I was walking, I don't know, two, three o'clock in the morning, I was so devastated. I look up to the heavens and I say, God, why you hate me so much? You hate me so much. Why don't you just kill me, destroy me. Get it over with. But see, but we don't know the purposes of God that plans that God has for our lives.

So, you know, all the stuff was coming, you know, I mean, the list had no ending. and I did say, God, where were you? Where were you dad? And the other voice inside of me was like, just go. Just go. And then I see the pastor, he came down from the altar and he started praying for people. And while I'm there, you know, I'm looking, I got one eye closed and one eye open. And I'm watching through the crowd.

And I said, God, if it's true, if it's true, if it's true what this man preach about your love, about your healing, about transformation, redemption, if all that stuff that this man mentioned is true, let this man make an alter call and I will give you my life. And I said that because I knew it wasn't gonna happen, and I, and I, in, in my own inside of me, I said, well, I guess I have been a loser of my life and I will continue to be a lose. That's what the devil put in, in, in me. Mm-hmm.

You're elusive buddy. And you always gonna be elusive. 'cause that's like a curse. Because I remember one of my, one of my grandfathers say, you are never gonna amount to nothing. You're gonna be just like your father. Your father said drunk, you're gonna be worse than here. So all those things, it is amazing how your mind can work and it's act, it's not actually your mind is, you know, the Bible says that we worship against not flesh and blood, but against principalities. You know what I mean?

So here, all this stuff is coming at one time, So I'm saying, I guess I've been a loser of my life because of the life that I had lived up to this moment. So I imagine I'm gonna continue to be a loser and, but I say, God, if it's true, let this man make an altar call and I will give you my life. So to my amazement, I'm looking, I'm watching. This man is spraying over somebody. He has his hands over this person's head and he stops and he looks up like he's listening to a voice or something.

And I'm looking, I'm saying to myself, no way. There's no way this could be happening. And this man, hesitated for about, I don't know, minute, a couple minutes. Then he gets back up from his knees, gets back in the altar, he gets behind that pule and he hits real hard. Bam. Everybody say, went up and he said, loud voice. He said, the Holy Spirit had just shown me that there's one more person here that needs to come to the front and you know who you are.

That's all he said, man, Jesse, I'm gonna tell you something. Normally, if I'm gonna go by you and you on my way, I will say, excuse me. Pardon me, man. I walk away people, I mean, I push people out of my way. I didn't say, excuse me. Pardon me. I just. I just came outta my seat, ran to the front of the altar and he was standing there and he looked at me and he said, you the one? I said, yes, sir. He said, well, talk to Jesus. That's what he told me. Talk to Jesus.

And he went back about his business, what he was doing. I dropped to my knees, and I'm gonna tell you, I seen my life. I seen all my hurt, my pain, anger, my bitterness, I mean everything. And I don't think I ever had cried. Like I cried that, that night, that was November 22nd, 1987. It was like this big load sticking off my shoulders. And when I finished asking God to forgive me to then I said to God, I said, God, I don't know if you can use somebody like me, but I. Here am I?

That's what I say to God, here am I. And when I got out from there, people came and hugged me and they, oh, you have been born again. I had no idea what that meant, you know? No idea. But anyway, after that, it was a process from 87 to 89, I, got involved in the church. I was confused because I started reading out, here one day. I gave my life to Christ, the week before I was the one in, in, in, at my job that, hey, better be careful with that. Crazy Puerto Rican.

I was the one drinking, I was the one cussing, I was the one that, don't mess with me. 'cause you're gonna get in the world trouble, And, it was crazy. Now I gotta go back and say I'm safe. So my buddies, it was hard. It was rough. It was, it was a process. It was a process because my buddies there were making fun of me, oh, so you're not gonna smoke no more. You're not gonna drink no more. I said, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know.

and, so they used to make bits to see how long this was gonna last. I had a little pocket Bible, so I'm trying to read, because, trying to learn. So I would read Matthew and then I go to Mark and I would get all confused why I'm reading the same thing that's in, in Matthew, mark. Then I would read Luke and like, what is going on here? Why did they keep repeating this stuff? And then I go to John and I mean, I was messed up 'cause I was on my own, you know?

And then eventually got put somebody in my life that started guiding me, through the Bible, helping me to understand. But for two years, it was a process. and. The best way I can put it is you can go to retreats because people do go to retreats for spiritual retreats, but it's not until you have an encounter, a personal encounter with Jesus that really would transform your life. Because from 87 to 89, I, I did what I could in my own strength to please God, but I always fell.

You know what I mean? I, I was still, during the week, I was sneak and I'm not saying that everything is a personal conviction. If you are there and you smoking or drinking or whatever, everything is a personal conviction. it's what God puts in your heart. I used to smoke. I used to drink, I used to do drugs. I used to do just about everything there is. I. And I separated myself from that because, not because my pastor, not because of the church and because of the Holy Spirit. Mm-hmm.

He brought healing to me. He, you know, he just gave me, removed that, those desires, let's put it that way. I don't judge nobody. I don't condemn nobody for whatever they do, because that's a personal thing between you and the Lord. So, from 87 to 89. Okay? So during the week, I would get a week and I went and bought a beer first. All I knew I shouldn't do it because I wanted to serve God. I didn't wanna be a bench warmer.

I don't wanna, I didn't wanna be like, I used to call people a hypocrite. I wanted to be the real thing I. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I used to judge people and say, oh, people are hypocrites. they go to church, but look, they smoke and oh, they go to church and they're drinking. here I found myself in their, in, in their place. So I would go get outta work, four or five o'clock in the afternoon drive. It was a hour drive from the job to my house.

So I would see a seven 11 or a Circle K, and I'm like, I'm gonna go get a Gatorade. Go in there. They put the getaway next to the beer. So I look, I stand there, I look at the Gatorade, I look at the beer, I look at the 16 ounce can of bull. I look at the getaway. Then I look around to see anybody in there knew me, or I knew anybody.

So I would grab that 16 ounce can of Budweiser, and I walk to the ca, and I'd be like, if I was carrying 10 pounds of heroin or cocaine, go to the cash register and listen, put this in the bag and, and pay for it and take it. And I, I would go way outta my way in the woods, and I would drink that beer. And it felt so good because it was hot, you know? But as soon as I finished drinking that beer man conviction would come over me.

And I start crying and crying and crying and crying and asking God for forgiveness. And God, why don't you destroy me? Why don't you just get rid of me? I'm worthless. I'm useless. it was a constant battle. And, Then I buy some gum, and go home. And I walk through the door and my wife would see me chewing gum and she said, you've been drinking again, huh? And then I would go off on why I can't chew gum now. Who you think you're the Holy Spirit? Because it was a conviction.

But let me see, let me show you what I mean by what I just said. I'm read something, if you don't mind. Yeah, go ahead. Real quick. Because a lot of us, a lot of us, and I'm talking about, you know, Christians that, that have been serving God for a long, long time, they find themselves struggling. and let's be honest, there's things that still the enemy uses against us sometimes it is not big things.

I thought that by being delivered from the booze and the drugs and all that was, that was gonna set me free. But sometimes the little things. You know that, that keep us in bondage. And look what Paul said. That's why I love Paul. This is the, I'm gonna read this out of the living Bible now, He says, I don't understand myself at all. This is Paul's talking. I really want to do what is right. That was me. You know, I come outta work, you know, but I cannot do what I don't want to do, what I hate.

I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscious proves that I agree with this law I am breaking, but I cannot help myself because I am no longer doing it. It is sin inside me that it is stronger than I am. That makes me do these things. I know I am rotten through and through. So, so far as my all sinful nature is concerned, no matter which way I turn, I cannot make myself do right. I want to, but I can't. And I want to do good.

I don't, and when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. Now, if I am doing what I'm, I don't wanna do it is playing. Where the trouble is, sin still has me in is evil grasp. That was me for two years. Mm-hmm. Because, here I am on Sunday in church, holy Spirit moving. we just preaching God. We just, I mean, oh, what a what wonderful, you know, uh, environment. You can feel the presence in such a way.

And when I had my hands up in the air, you know, that enemy me will whisper in my ear, Hey, remember that beer you drank on the Tuesday? And man, the fire will go right out of me. Mm-hmm. So a lot of, you know, so it was a struggle for two years. Though I was in church, I would go to church every Sunday. I would go to church every Wednesday. I tithe, I served, I did many things in church. But yeah, there was a struggle in me. But then in 89, one night, one day, I was home.

And that's why I mean about a retreat and having an encounter of Christ, I was home. I need my own business watching Wide World Sports. And to be honest with you, I had a beer next to me. I had, and I, and so I'm watching the World Sports. I'm by myself. My, my wife had gone out with the kids and I heard a voice and the voice says to me, you cannot serve two masters. When I heard that, it blew my mind. First of all, it took maybe 12 beers for me to feel anything.

'cause I was so used to drinking, So I wasn't, drunk or I wasn't, you know, to me one kind of beer was like drinking a glass of water. So when I heard that voice, it paralyzed me. 'cause I knew this wasn't, this wasn't natural. I knew that I was, something was going on. And when I heard that voice, I felt a conviction. I knew that was the Lord speaking to me because of the double life that I was living. And I said to the Lord, I said, Lord, what's wrong with me being here in my house?

The privacy of my home? I'm drinking a beer, I work long hours, you know that I work those panels and who knows? One these day I'm gonna stick my hands in one of those panels, and that's going to be the end of me. So what's wrong with me? I'm, I'm here. I'm not hurting nobody. I'm not in a bar. I'm not doing nothing. I'm just trying to relax, enjoy the day, this and that. I was like, Perry Mason fighting the case. You know what I mean?

and I did that out of fear because I knew this was something spiritual. this, this was nothing normal. So after, out of fear, I'm fighting my case, and I told the Lord, all these things. And then there was a silence for a while, and in my mind I said, I must have won this case. Yeah. That's why I said, man, I did a good job defending my cause. And the voice came back and said to me, well, if you're not with me. You're against me. That's simple. That's simple. When he said that, I don't know.

I just dropped right there where I was. I dropped to the floor. I started crying, shaking, scared, because I realized that I had been committing spiritual adultery. I had never seen it like that before, you know? Mm-hmm. And it so happened that while I was on the floor asking God to forgive me, forgive me, Lord, forgive me, forgive me. That the Holy Spirit reminded me that we had a new pastor had came from Kentucky.

This a young man, and this man was, I mean, the anointing of Kawa on this man's lives, I mean, in such a powerful way. His name is Pastor Scott Krogers. And, He had started something in the church called the Hour Power. So every Saturday, those who wanted to attend, they could go from like six to seven or seven to eight at seven to eight, and you just went and you pray.

You pray for the Sunday service, you pray for your own needs, you pray for the community, you pray for whatever God put in your spirit. So I wasn't part of it because like I say, I was going through a process. Um, so I wasn't part of that. But at that moment in time, the Holy Spirit brought that to my heart and I said, Lord, if you help me to get to church, if you help me make it to the church, I don't know why I had to get there. But I said, if you help me, we're gonna stay at the school.

So now my wife had gone out, she had the car, I had all beat up truck in the backyard. I've been sitting there forever. And the Holy Spirit put that in my mind. Hey, you got that truck back there. So I get out from the floor, I run to the bedroom. I'm looking for the keys everywhere I finally find the keys, then I don't know if the battery's good, the truck is gonna start or not, has no tags, no insurance has nothing. But I'm desperate. I'm like a man who's desperate, who's, they know his rope.

So I ran into the truck. Boom. The truck, starts. I, I run to the church. I get to church, I walk inside the church. And as I walk towards the, i the altar, the pastor, pastor Scott, his wife Kathy, his, father-in-law, Gordon, his mother-in-law, Joanna, Catherine, and Raymond, six people. On the left side of the altar. And when I walked in, I could hear my name. They were praying for me. I walked to the altar and I went to the right side of the altar away from there.

And I got on my knees and I said, God, this is it. You either take all of me or let me go, man. I broke down in such a way and in such something supernatural happened right there. I had a special time with the Lord. I'm not gonna tell you what happened, but something, I mean, it was something very special when I got up from there, I felt so different. I felt it. It's hard to explain.

my pastor at that time, pastor Scott Crowler was my pastor and all that, and they all came and I. Asked me, you alright, Carlos? I said, I'm fine. I'm great. So I went home and, when I got home, my wife was telling me, she asked me, where were you? And I said, I was at church. She said, really? I said, yeah. And I says, you know what, hun, from this day on, I'm never gonna drink again. I'm never gonna smoke again. I gonna do none. This things again. And she looked at me like, oh.

She said, you are right. My word had no power. My word, because I have made so many promises. We have been together by now. We have been together for seven years and for seven years I've been breaking promises, one after the other. So now I have, the time has come, I have to prove to her that God has transformed my life. So, uh, I, uh, the beer that I had, I took that beer and I emptied out the sink, pour me a glass of milk that replaced the beer, cigarettes.

I had a brand new pack of cigarettes. I had, I still had. Doubts are hidden. Be I, hi. I went and hired a cigarette behind the washing machine, and I went to work and I'm still struggling with, with the job, with the guys and all that. a few days went by and I realized that, wow, I haven't picked up a cigarette. what's going on? So one day I got home early.

My, my wife wasn't, say I wasn't home, so I, went back there, got moved the washing machine, got the pack out, went all the way to, in the backyard. I had a lot of orange trees. I went all in the back, way back. And I had my lighter and I had my cigarette, and I took one cigarette and I lit it and I took that big puff. Oh, when, as soon as I inhaled, man, I started throwing up and throwing up. I thought I was gonna throw out my socks. That's how bad.

And right there, I started praising God because he had healed me. Mm. He had healed me, you know, and I had been smoking for 20 years. Mm. So this is what I'm saying. I don't condemn nobody or judge nobody or criticize anybody for anything because it's guy who does the work. So it's been a process. after that, God putting my heart after living 10 years in fort marriage to come here to, Jacksonville and I had no idea why.

because at that time we finally, in, 97, we were, we reached that place where we were comfortable. We had the house that we wanted. We worked very hard. My wife and I worked very hard to accomplish what we had accomplished. I had brought my mother from New Jersey to live with us, my brothers who were living with us, I had a good job. My wife had a good job. we seemed to have everything, but it seemed like.

One day I was sitting on my porch and I looked around at all the things that God had given me and I contemplated. And I said, and you can ask my son, because he heard me. I was thinking out loud and I said, God, you know what? all this that you had given me, I'm willing to give it up for more of you. And Carlos Alito was walking. He was kicking. He didn't walk at that time. He just kicked the soccer ball over the house. Drive me crazy with that. And, he said, what you say, dad?

because he thought I was talking to him and I said, I know, son. I was just talking to God. I told God that I give up all this for more of him, and to my amazement, a place that I thought I would never leave, I end up leaving, got put in my hearts to move, to Jacksonville. Didn't know why, but, sometimes being obedient is hard. It's not easy. Because we look at things in the natural, not in the spiritual, and we don't know what the future holds.

And sometimes that can bring fear, leaving you being comfortable and then to leave, like we did. when we came to Jacksonville, we didn't know nobody. I had no job. it was hard. But through prayer and fasting, we, came and visited a friend in Jacksonville. here. I went to church, to the Potter's House, which I've been now a member for the past 27 years. And God spoke to me. There I was. when, we came here, it so happened that I had just broken my right hand. So I was in a cache. I was outta work.

I was in, disability. So we came to visit a friend that we had, in Fort Myers. And that friend took us to the palace's house. And in that service, God spoke to me and he, he said, ask me whatever you want. And I will give it to you right now. And, my hands were hop in the air. I was crying. The spirit was moving. I mean, there was such a, an anointing in that sermon that was something I had never experienced before.

And I said, well, God, I know if I ask you for healing, I know you will heal my hand right now. Right now I know it. 'cause I had that kind of faith. if I ask you for money, I know you would give it to me right now. Somebody will walk up to me and gimme a check. I know you would do that. You know, I got what I want is more of you. So I repeated the same thing that I re I said in, in Fort Myers, I said it in Jacksonville. And he said, open your eyes.

And I opened my eyes and he said, look at the altar. And I looked at the altar and my pastor now, he was standing there, he said, that's gonna be your pastor. That's gonna be your mentor. That's who you're gonna submit yourself to. And I just looked and I. It's impossible. 'cause I live in Fort Myers, seven hours from here. So, alright. Everything ended, we drove from Jacksonville to Fort Myers and not one word was said in that car. My wife was like, we were like in different dimensions.

The kids were quiet. Something you never see, Carlos and everybody was like, what happened? Or, he had been, it was like we had been in the, in, in the presence of God in such a way that his glory just took her, just took over. Yeah. So from that moment on, we used to come every weekend, every other weekend. I'm sorry, every other weekend. We used to come from Fort Myers to Jacksonville to go to church. how long did that take? Six and a half hours. Oh man.

And some people don't go to church and they live around the corner because it's cloudy. It's cloudy. Oh. I don't feel like going this. We used to drive six and a half hours. We come on a Friday, I get outta work, said I would get outta work and we rush home. We already had the bags ready and all that.

And we, you know, little cooler with the little stuff for the kids because, and we hit that road and drive and we'd get out, we would stay, get off on hundred third Street and stay at one of those hotels or motels, whatever. So we'd be here Saturday, we would see our friend, and then Sunday we would go to church. And then after church we would have lunch and head back. And then the, the fire, the anointing of the Holy Spirit.

I will share with my church over there on that Sunday, 'cause I would call one Sunday here and one Sunday over there. And, so then the, the call, I felt the call that I had to come over here after God spoke to me. So now I needed the courage to do it because we had it all. We were comfortable. And I started praying and fasting, praying and fasting and asking, God, please, that this is not something that is, you know, uh, controlled by emotions. You know what I mean? Because you can get confused.

You know what I mean? Feelings and emotions can betray you. And one night the Holy Spirit woke me up about two o'clock in the morning and said, go grab your Bible, which he was by my nightstand next to me. Grab your Bible, go to the dining room and I'm gonna show you. And I got up. got my Bible, went to the dining room, sat down and said, open your Bible.

Genesis chapter 12, if you know the stories where God spoke to Abraham and told him to live, actually live your family, live your comfortable life and all these crazy gods that you're following and follow me. And I will bless. I will bless those who bless you and curse those who curse you. and you'll see will be like the stars in the heaven and the sand in the, and the shore. And I read that, and I read that, and I read that.

And there I got my confirmation, I got the strength, the courage that I needed. The next morning when I said I got up that I went to talk to her, she said to me, the Holy Spirit already spoke to me. Let's go. Mm-hmm. And so we, from that moment on, we started, I put, I, I told my job I was leaving and they're like, wait a minute, Carlos, where you going? What's going on? This? And that said, I gotta leave. Said Why? I don't know. I just gotta go. What is it about money? look, don't tell nobody.

Okay? We ain't giving no worries about it. We're gonna make an except, but you promise me you we gonna give. I said it's not about money. It's not about money. I wish you would've said that before, but be a race. But not now. I ain't, and say that the same way they offer her money. My pastor, my Sunday school teacher, they all came to my house and say, why are you doing this? And my answer was, I don't know.

That was my answer said that used to tell me, you don't sound too educated when you tell people that, I said, what you want me to do? Lie, I don't know. We are just doing this. Gotta do it. There's no turning back. So we saw what we could or we gave away whatever, and we saw whatever. And then whatever we had left over, we put in the U-Haul truck and drove now looking back and we drove to uh, hundred third Street, we got the apartment through the internet, never seen it before.

Door backed that up to the door. Opened that door, stood and looked. Now we left a house. I have four bedrooms, two car garage, huge backyard, huge front yard, beautiful neighbors. It was about seven, eight of us in that neighborhood. We looked out for each other. If I was gonna go on vacation, I would tell my, my, my neighbor, Hey, I'm going. So don't worry about it, Carlos. And if anybody stop in front of my house, boom. He'd be over there. He'd be, in front of, asking, who are you?

What you doing here? What you looking for? And the same. His name was Ike. And the same way me, somebody was stop by his house when he was away. I get out, go out there, can I help you? You know, that's the kind of neighborhood that I was living in. So we left all that. and I opened the door to the apartment here in hundred third Street. My wife looked at it. I looked at Joy, which is my youngest boy said, mommy. She said, what son? Are we poor? I started, are we poor now mommy and man say that.

She like, ah. She said, don't open the door to that truck. Don't unload. Not one thing. We are going back home. We are going back home right now. And she took on running. I said, what's wrong with this woman? You know? And I went inside and I looked and I got on my face and I started praying. I said, God, I know, you know, you don't make mistakes if you call us here. You know what? Anyways, got a job.

We didn't know our way around, how to go, find my way around, got a job making half of what I used to make. Mm-hmm. Um, and um, it was rough the first year. It was so rough and all I kept saying. Encouraging myself was God does not make mistakes. I know I heard God, I heard his voice, and I know this is what he wants.

you know, even though it don't make sense to me, 'cause he did leaving all that, that I had to come to this to, you know, and, but while, but, while I was working there, my job, gave me a li liberty, I guess freedom where the church I was going to, I, bumped into my pastor one day. He didn't know me. I didn't know him. I used to go to the service, but you're talking about a crowd of 5,000 people, and one day we bumped in the hallway and we started talking. He asked me who I was.

I told him who I was and he asked me what was I doing here? And I shared my testimony with him. I. And he said, what's the purpose? And I said, I'll be honest with you. I wanted to go to school, but I can, because not only do I have my four kids, but I had adopt two grandkids because in, when I was out there crazy, I had a relationship with somebody. So I had a daughter, and my daughter got, was got a little bit crazy and the state took the kids from her. So the judge gave me custody of them.

So now I have my four plus my two grandkids. So I had six. So I told my pastor, I said, yeah, I like to, I would love to go to school even though I, put it advancing age. I was like 50 something years old. But I came because I got this family, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, So I explained to him, he said, okay, no problem. He left. I left it, we left it at that. So I went back to work this and that, because what I would do is.

I would get outta work when I got, when I got outta work early, I would go by the church and see, how could I help in any kind of way, you know? And it so happened that at that time they were doing an addition to the church. So whenever I got out, got outta work at three 30, I would go straight to the church and help, electrical work, whatever they needed to do. So I was doing that for them.

So one day I got a letter from Logos Christian College saying to, you know, with an appointment date and time. And I'm like, what's this all about? You know? So I said, maybe they made a mistake or whatever. So I called, they say, no, come on in. Alright. So I went and they sat me down and they say, okay, this is, are the classes that we offer, this and that? And I say, what's the cost? He said, no, somebody already took care of that. So you have to pay for the books. That's all.

So here is where everything comes in is where, I was going to school. They asked me what I wanted to take. So my point was I wanted to know what the Bible said. Okay. I praise God that I came from the streets straight to Jesus arms. Okay? I didn't come from the streets to religion. It's a big difference because there's such thing as the law or the first truth. What you first learn is hard to You see what I'm saying? Mm-hmm.

So I knew a little bit about God that I learned from my grandparents because both of my grandmothers were, I guess I can say Christians, they went to church. But you gotta understand who taught them what they knew. See what mean. So my grandfather also. so I had learned from them and then I had watched people and how people would tell me one thing and somebody else would tell me something different about the same thing.

So when I went to school, I, I said to the guidance counselor, I said, I wanna learn, what the bible's all about, what the teachings and that, you know, just to be just, concentrated on one subject. So he said, you need to take general ministry. That means that you're gonna study the life of David. You gonna study, just different subjects, and then, after you do all that, then you decide what you wanna focus on. I said, that sounds good to me. so one of the, so for four years.

I got my associates and I got my bachelor's degree. And those four years always, they offer how to be a pastor, how to, govern a church, how to build a church, how to, you know, that kind of stuff. Finances and all that. But to me, I never took none of those classes for the simple reason that I just wanted to learn the Bible. Hmm. I wanted to learn what God was saying through his prophets, what Jesus was saying when he, put before us his teachings.

And so people used to ask me, why are you going to college? I said, 'cause I wanna learn. Learn what the Bible for what for myself. And never enough once in my life that I wanted, that had any other purpose I. So, you know, I did my first two years when we started, man, it was, I mean, such a big group. And by the second year when I got my associates, half of that group was going. And then, four years later, when it was graduation time, only two of us graduated. Wow. Two of us.

They felt so good getting out there and this other person and me, we looked at each other and we said, we made it. We made it. And when they gave us that diploma, I was like, wow, you know what? Accomplishment. And still, I still nothing. I was glad I learned, I felt good about the experiences that I had, the lessons that I had learned, the clarity that I have now in my soul concerning the word of God, which way to go.

I'm not saying that I'm perfect, that I know everything, but I know in enough to have a great and personal and relationship. God, I know that when I pray you hears me. I have the faith to believe I have the type of faith that, to get out. I get out of the boat and walk on water and know to keep my eyes on Jesus and not turn my eyes away from me. 'cause that's how I got hit by faith. well, let me interrupt for a second.

Do you, so you did this four years of Bible school, of college while you were working full time and had six kids and a wife at home. Yes, I did. I, I, and that's why, what I mean about the job I, the beginning, I wasn't crazy about it.

I, in front of the guy that hired me, when he offered me, how much he's gonna pay me, I looked at him and then I looked to the side and I'm like, holy Spirit, I'm not who the, who this guy think I am, And the guy's looking at me like, why is he looking at this ceiling? Why is he like mumbling? And the Holy Spirit said, take the job, take the job. So I looked at the guy and I said, okay, I'm gonna take the job. He said, you really, he was surprised, really? You wanna take the job?

I had my own tools, I had the experience, I had everything. And he said, let me give you the address so you can go take the drug test. I said, of course. So I had to find my way. I took the drug test and I passed it immediately. They sent me to work because God had planned already that this job, because I was gonna go to school, they would have to gimme the freedom to go to school because we had times where, it was the end of the job and we had to work to 12 midnight because we had to end.

'cause they had a contract and they had to be, job had to be done. But with me it was different. Hey, I go to school, so this day I cannot, you know, so they had to excuse me. Mm-hmm. You know, they went too crazy about it. But this, this was part of it. And eventually I worked my way up the ranks, making the money. So, yeah, I went to school. A lot of times I would leave school, go straight to the, to, I would leave my job, go straight to school, I'd be dirty, I'd be hungry.

I sat in that classroom. I always had a little tape recorder and I'd be staring at the teacher. So he probably thought that, man, this guy really concentrated, focused. He didn't know I, I was sleeping my eyes open. So what I would do is when I got out outta the classroom, on my way home, I turn that tape recorder on and I'd be driving. Now I can focus and concentrate because I be driving, but I'll be listening to the lesson, the homework and all that.

And I'm like, wow, I didn't know he talked about that, And, so I'll go home and. Take a shower, sit down and do my homework. Sometimes two, three o'clock in the morning I'd be typing, reading because I had do, all kind of book work and, had to read a lesson or I had to read a book and then write what I read and what was about and all that kind of stuff. Mm-hmm. And, so I did that for four years. and, but it was a challenge. And then I graduated and here's where the crazy part comes in.

So before I graduated the church, which I be, I was part of, for 10 years, in Fort Myers called me and, they told me that, hey, I, we understand that you are graduating soon. I said, yes. He said, well, how about, coming down here, being staff. We're gonna give you salary, transportation, housing, insurance. We're gonna give you, you know, and you come down here. And I said, wow. So I said, let me pray about it and let me fast. And the pastor over there said, oh, okay, no problem.

So I had not graduated yet. So I, started fasting and praying about it. And of course, Sada got all excited about it. The kids got excited because really we thought we were gonna go back. Our harsh were over there. We just thought this was temporary. This, you know, this, that I came here for whatever reason, we don't, we didn't even know why, but we were gonna go back. 'cause that's where our hearts, our family, our friends, our church, everything.

And, after prayer and fasting, the Lord said no. I say, wow. I said, all right, go. So I went in and then I told Seth, I said, Seth, guess what? The Lord said? No. What? we not gonna go back. I said, no, sweetie, I'm sorry. The kids were disappointed. I was disappointed, to be honest with you. So I left it at that. I, kept working, kept going to school. Then I had a little problem in my job, and I wasn't working. And I just graduated.

And I get, this is like six months later, and I get another call from Fort Myers, and the pastor says to me, uh, listen, you have people that really love you down here, really appreciate you, and we had another meeting concerning you, and this is what we're gonna do. Now. This, we are going to give, give you everything that we offer before. Plus now we want to put Sada. in our books too, she's gonna be working, she's gonna be getting a salary. And so then in my mind I said, oh, praise God.

That's why God said no the first time, because he wants to bless her too. Mm-hmm. So, but I didn't say yes right away. I said to the pastor, pastor, you know I gotta pray and I gotta fast this and that. So he was funny because he said, well, here we are because I need you. I here. I said, okay, alright, whatever.

So anyway, I went, into prayer again and fasting and after a while, the Lord answered me and said, he said, listen, I already told you no the first time, and you come back the second time. what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna leave it in your hands. You decide you can go. Back to Fort Myers and you can have all those goodies, you know, salary, you can have the vacation, uh, retreats, whatever, you know. 'cause the church, this church was big and they had a lot, lot of, lot of bed plan, sabbatical.

You can have all those things. Belittle of me, or you can roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty here and have much of me. Hmm. You decide. That's it, man. I, uh, it didn't take me much to decide what to do because my prayer has always been, Lord, I want more of you in my life. So. I went to say, well, I went, I called the pastor. I said, pastor, I wanted, first of all, thank you. And, and all those who were at the meeting who think so highly of me tell 'em that I really appreciate it.

I don't know who they are, but tell 'em that I love 'em. I appreciate it. And I, I don't have no words how to explain it, but I'm so grateful to you guys. But I can't, God spoke to my heart and he has told me that I have to stay here. I don't even know the reason why. He said, wow, Carlos, I'm sorry to hear that, thank you, this and that. So I go tell them. So anyway, my wife wasn't too happy. My kids weren't too happy. And, so no problem. So we let that, go and, we stay here.

So then I, Working at the pilot's house where I belong now. And one day the pastor calls me to his office and I'm wondering, what's going on? Did I do something or whatever? Because I, like I told you, I was working around the building, fixing and doing whatever. So it was a interesting conversation because he asked me, Carlos, how do you see yourself in the ministry? Because up to this moment I was involved in, prison ministry.

I was a, five years visiting, a start where they had the maximum security. And that was like, oh, I love doing that. You know, I was, not preaching, just talking to, inmates, you know, guys doing double live, doing one, live, doing 65 years, 45 years. But God's grace and favorable, was upon my life in such a way, is anointing that these people appreciated me going in there and just listening to them, listening to their, their needs and whatever.

And I was able to relay, because a lot of them had gone through the same thing that I lived, that had been rejected. They had been abused, and that's why they became who they became. and I used to tell them, don't let my suit jacket or my suit or my tie, you know, don't let my, the way I'm dressed fool you, because it's only by the grace of God I wasn't on the other side of those bars, you know? And I, and I guess they saw my sincerity. They saw that, I cry with them.

You're talking about these guys, man, you know, murderers and I cry with them, you know, so that ministry was beautiful and I loved it. I had a passion, great passion for it. and I didn't realize how that guy was using me in there. I didn't realize that everything that I had gone through up to, now, God was using his glory and honor to help somebody else that I can. Look at that man's eyes and say, I understand. I feel your pain because I was abused, or I was mistreated by my stepfather.

I was abandoned by my mother. I was in this and that relationship. And and so they, they understood when I, when they talked, they knew. And when I talked, they knew, we could bond, you know? Mm-hmm. So that was great. So anyway, getting back to talking to my pastor, I'm in his office. I'm standing, he's sitting, he's looking at me and he say, how do you see yourself in the ministry? And I said, well, you know, um, wherever somebody needs me for that, I can share my testimony.

You know, or God can take a drunk and, or a drug addict or whatever, and transform his life, and I can help in some kind of way with, that's how I see myself. So he's standing there. he's sitting there looking, but he is looking through me and he says to me, Carlos, you know what I see? I see. So I say, what? He said, I see you preaching to many nations. And I, in my head, I, I'm thinking, I said, I don't preaching.

Yeah. You gotta understand that up to this point now, I've been, saved, I've been serving for about 15 years in the church. I had never been to Spanish service. Spanish churches was not my cup of tea. So when he said that, I said, well, who knows? You know? But then when he said, I see you preaching to many nations in Spanish. That's when I said, oh man, this guy glory. My confidence in him just dropped at me like a hot potato. I said, oh man, I was looking up to the sky so much.

I thought he was, a prophet. I thought this guy, because he did a lot of things before that moment that's why I was there. Yeah. I saw the glory of God. I saw how God spoke to me through him, but this time I said, nah, he blew this one. he struck out. He struck out big time. So I just looked at him. I didn't say nothing, and he just said that, that's all. And then we talked about whatever I had to do, but that's, that stuck with me and I was disappointed.

I came home and I said, man, I told, I said, man, you know what our pastor said, you know what? And I told her, because we didn't speak Spanish. My Spanish, forget it. It was street Spanish, and in the house we don't speak Spanish. Or we do mix it with Spanish and English, but mostly English. so, all right, so to my amazement, about seven, eight months later, I preached my first Spanish message. I graduated from, college. I got my bachelor's degree.

I came to, Amelia Island because there were no Spanish churches here in Adeena. because somebody asked if the church that I belonged to, they could send a Spanish pastor. and the, and my pastor sent me to look to, to scout the area. And sure enough, there was not one. So I went back and I told him about it, and he had two pastors. One was from Venezuela. And he had one from New York that held s services there, which I had never been to.

They asked me several times and I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I never went to, so I told the, my pastor, I said, listen, yeah, there's no Spanish church, Jose. Oh, the other, the other pastor. And he said, no, I saying you. I said, Nope, no can do. I told him straight up. I said, nah, I can't go. And he said, why? And I said, well, there's several reasons. He said, well, I said, number one, I don't speak Spanish. He say, ain't you a Puerto Rican?

I say, I sure am a hundred percent, but I don't, you know, my Spanish is not a Spanish that I can use behind a pule. And, and I've never been to Spanish churches, so that's not my cup of tea. So he said, well, you're going, uh, I'm gonna give you a dictionary. I have it up there somewhere, Uhhuh, I'm gonna give you a translator two, translator three. I have it in my somewhere. And you had the most important tool, which is your Bible. So you going? I said, wow.

So anyway, seven month later, I preached my first Spanish service. I preached my first Spanish message at the church to a small group of people. And I had like an out experience because I was standing behind myself. Watching myself preach, which I didn't know what I was saying in Spanish, and I'm saying to myself, oh my God, look at me. I am preaching in Spanish. But, that was one of the experience that blew my mind.

And then of course, I came over here to the island and I started meeting people. the Hope House was a place that they allowed me to use. People used to go to the Hope House to get clothes, get food, and there I would meet Spanish people and I would talk to them and try to find out their needs.

And I started helping them, taking them to doctors, paying for the doctor's visit, paying for the medication, taking them when they had to go to court, translating for them when they had to go to the hospitals, translating for them and doing whatever, you know, to help 'em. And they started calling me Pastor, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Back off. Oh, hold. You know, I not, no pastor. you can call me Carlos, and they're like, no, brother.

I said, yeah, call me brother, but don't call me pastor. So then I re, I go back to my pastor and I go to see him and, I walk to his office. He is cracking up. He's laughing and laughing. I'm like, what is wrong with him? And without me opening my mouth, he says, I know why you here. I said, why am I here? I said, you here because you are under conviction because over there they calling you pastor. I mean, I froze. I looked at him and I froze. I said, what?

He said, you are under conviction because they calling you pastor and you're not, and you're not a pastor. Am I right or wrong? I couldn't even answer that, he said. But anyway, I already in my calendar, I got a, I have a, I have your name and I have it set up where we gonna have a. A Presbyterian meeting where all these bishops and all these big people are gonna come because they all the, men and women who are requesting they wanna be, licensed and ordained and all that.

And I got your name on day, so you such a day. I'm like, alright. So, uh, went to the meeting. It was something that, it was out of this world. You walked into that room and you know, you was walking into a holy sanctified. I mean, it was incredible. Yeah. I walked in there long table, all these bishops from different denominations and I mean, the anointing and the presence of the Holy Spirit was so powerful that she just, so I went and sat to my place where I was supposed to sit.

So they started going around asking each pastor, they would like. 20, 30 minutes asking personal questions about their marriage, their family, finances, you name it, relationships in the church. And I was like, oh my God. So some of them were turned down like, you don't belong, you shouldn't even have a church. Yeah. they, I'm gonna tell you, they were not holding nothing back. Nothing back. They were like, boom, to the point.

they had, I remember one that she was a female and she was going all over, evangelizing and this and that. and so one of the, bishops asked her, you be telling her that you do this revivals and you go here and you go there and now that now you wanna build a church because it's a big following, in all this. Where's your husband? Oh no. I go with elder. So and so what's your relationship between you and elder? So and do you sleep in the same bed? Do you stay in the same room?

Oh my God. When I heard that, I said, oh Jesus, this guy gonna cut me up in pieces. You know what I mean? Which I don't have nothing to hide, but man, that's how it's intense was Yeah, because this guy's going to ordain you. They gonna license you, their name's gonna be in that certificate. So, uh, after they, they went around the table and they came up to me, I'm shaking. I'm like, God, holy Spirit help me. My pastor gets up and he said, this is Carlos Serrano.

And, he left everything that he had in Fort Myers to come here. He's been serving here. He, he's part of the prison ministry. and I mean, he just went on and on and on. And, when he finished he said, any questions for him? Nobody, not one person asked or said anything. I said, praise almighty. Praise that almighty. So anyway, I, in front of about, I would say 5,000 people, I was, ordained.

They, had this big ceremony and couple of the other pastors, I and my pastor took a chart of, uh, oil and just poured over my head. And all those other pastors, they put their hands on, on, on me, and they pray. It was something that I can't explain it because when I, when, I don't know, I can't explain the Gloria, God was there. And when that ceremony was over, then my pastor licensed me. And before I knew it, here I was in, Ferna. Since I've been here since, 2002.

as a pastor of the Promised Land Church, helping people, the people that I minister to, they're the ones that taught me Spanish. I have people from Colombia, Venezuela, Puerto Rico, Cuba, El Salvador, Mexico, you name it. So I have to kind of mix their Spanish because some words may be offensive to, I, to me may not be offensive, but to them may be. Mm-hmm. And so it's, it's, it's, it's crazy.

But what I'm trying to say, Jesse, is that, I know it sound like cliche, but we have to learn to let go and let God trust God. You know? Oh, I didn't know that at the beginning. I didn't know that faith was, was a gift for the Holy Spirit. Mm-hmm. Uh, like I said, a lot of people, everybody told me that I was crazy when I left everything over there to come over here. And what kept me going was like, I kept saying to myself, God, you don't make mistakes.

And I know that you spoke to me to let go and let you handle everything. And now, here it is. yes, I have a church building. Yes, I have a comfortable home. Yes, I have transportation. Yes, I don't like for nothing. But that's not, it is a blessing, but that's not the real blessing. The real blessing in my life is the relationship that I have with God. Mm-hmm. Because what I know and what I have learned, I didn't learn it in the classroom. I learned it. I experienced, yeah.

What I had going through, definitely my family death of my father was one of the biggest trials in my life where a lot of people who served God had left. Stop following Jesus because somebody in their life, a father or mother or a wife or a husband or a child, die. And then you blame God for it. You say, oh God, why you allow this? I love you and I serve you and I've been faithful to you. But yeah, you allow this, to happen.

and we have to understand that, you know, in my prayer and every day that I pray, I always end my prayer with God or we will be done, whatever that may be. And I also ask God to gimme the grace and the strength to face and deal and accept whatever his will, for our lives is. 'cause we don't know, you've seen, especially with my wife's health, seems like something constantly happening.

Um, the last time she looked like she was having a heart attack and when she called me and say, pray for me, of course, in our hearts we pray for healing. That's the first thing that come, well, you know, you know, I pray God heal my, my wife Lord, this, that and the other. But then I had to say, God, let your will be done. I didn't know what was gonna happen between here and the hospital. I didn't know whether she was gonna make it or not.

I didn't know nothing, but I surrender her in his hands and hope for the very best. And God, he can see our hearts, he can see our faith, and, and He's, you know, he's gonna give us the greatest strength that we need to endure when it comes our way. Yeah. So I'm so grateful. I never, never wanted, or never asked for, I. to be a pastor. I've been a pastor now for 23 years, but I have been serving God for 38 years. And when I gave my life to him in 1987, I remember those words.

I say, God, I don't know if you can use somebody like me, but here am I. And it has been a process ever since, and always be a process because there always room to grow, to learn, And the closer you get to God, you're gonna realize that he's much bigger than what you think, because he gives you illumination, he gives you understanding, he allows you to see more and more, and, you, and you get to see how big he is and how little you are. Mm-hmm.

Um, but the, I think the hardest part that we deal with is that trust, you know, bringing something to the feet of Jesus, I. And leaving it there. Most of us, we go to an altar or whatever and we say, God, here it is. Here's this, whatever it may be. But then when we get up and walk away, we drag that thing again with us, and we find ourselves in the same spot, same situation. And the devil is loving it. Yeah. he's loving it. He's loving.

But when we take it to Christ and leave it there, walk away, and I know that was gonna come over. What kind of person are you? Don't you care? Don't you worry? Oh my God. You know what I mean? But wait a minute, hold it. If I gave it, if I gave it to Jesus, then why am I worrying about it? We, oh, we have to do is wait. And that's the problem that we don't wait. We anxious, we want God to answer our prayers or, our needs immediately there.

There's still things that I'm waiting for that I've been praying for a long time, but I know God is gonna do it in his time, not my time. Yeah. Well, I was gonna, ask you if you had any advice, but I think you just gave it, when you turn something over to God, leave it there, you know, you want to add anything to that?

I, the reason why I said that, and if we got a couple minutes, the reason why I say that, 'cause I learned that a long time ago when my oldest daughter, she left to go to school, never showed up the school call. And from nine o'clock in the morning to 10 o'clock at night. I was going crazy. We had the sheriff, we had helicopters, we had everybody looking for her. Somebody had said that they had seen a white van early in the morning, driving around the neighborhood. So we were scared.

we were afraid that somebody maybe had kidnapped her or whatever. We didn't know. But all day long I was praying, Lord, I put this matter in your hand. Protect my daughter Lord. You know, I mean, you just kept praying and praying and, but every time I would say, surrender this to you, I would pick up the phone and make another phone call. I would go to somebody's house and knock on another door. And I mean, this went on from nine o'clock in the morning to 10 o'clock at night.

At 10 o'clock at night. I'm sitting on my back porch and I'm praying again. And the Holy Spirit said to me, you know, all day long, all day long, you be saying, I surrendered this to you. I turned this over to you. You ain't calling Trump. But then you go and run around and go knock on more door, this and that. So where's the trust? Where's their belief? Where's their faith? Are you gonna surrender away? And I said, oh my God. So right then, and then I realized my mistake.

It wasn't God that got, God doesn't have the power or that he didn't hear my prayer. It was me. It wasn't God. It was me. So right there, I asked God to forgive me. I said, Lord, sorry, now it's in your hands. Whatever. Whatever. I got out from my back porch. I went inside the house. I still had my work clothes on. I started taking my work boots off my wife went crazy. First of all, whatcha doing? I mean, she wasn't ballistic. Whatcha are doing? So I'm going to bed tired.

No, you can't go to bed. You, how you gonna go to bed? We don't know where she's at. We don't know if she's alive. I said I understand, but I had it. I'm tired. I got to take a one book. When the phone rang, say hello. She was my daughter, dad is me. Really? I said, are you okay? Said I'm fine. Where you at? At Friend's house said, oh, what happened? She left the house. She left to go to school.

She got together with a couple little friend of hers who the parents didn't care, you know, what their daughters were doing 'cause they were too busy doing other things. So she went from our house. Instead of catching the bus to go to school, she went to the mall, she went to the movies, she went this, she went there all day, had a great time, but she forgot what you gonna, what you got dark? The girls that she was hanging with, she said, I gotta go home. What you going to do?

So now she came to realize whoa, I gotta go home too. And she realized that when she got home, I was gonna be waiting for her. Oh. She realized that something was gonna happen. So anyway, to make a, make a long story short, she came home, she was fine. Nothing bad happened to her.

She was just, hanging with a little group bad influence because they had, their parents didn't had, no, they were, those girls were doing just crazy stuff by the praise God that, my daughter, after we had a little time together after she came home, she separated herself from that kind of bad influence. But yeah, we gotta learn to trust God and, and I think be, we need to be honest with ourselves.

Look, search ourselves, examine ourselves, and whatever weakness we have to look at them and confess 'em to God and help God and ask God to help us with our weaknesses, whatever that may be. Of course we, it is a two-way street. We cannot ask God to, you know, cleanse you or do this or do that for you if you don't do something. Also, you cannot sit back in your sofa, comfortable with your arms crossed and say, okay, God, do this in my life. because here, I've been saved for, what, 38 years?

39 years. I'm still being tempted in many ways, but through the years, every time a temptation came because the devil, he's, you know, he don't have no new tricks. He just the same old junk. So, um, through the years, every weak point that I had in my life, I focus on that. I pray and I faster I pray, and I faster until I conquer that through the power of the Holy Spirit, not my own power.

Because you know we are gonna mess up, you know, so through the powder Holy Spirit, I was able to conquer that and then move to the next one. And which when you move to the next one, then the demons that come against you are bigger. So then you focus on that one and to the powder Holy Spirit, you defeat that and then you move to the next one. So that's why I say it's a process. Nowadays, now the devil doesn't take me with cigarettes, he is be wasting his time.

I'm around people that smoke all day long. Don't bother me smoke. it's your health, your problem. I'm around people that drink. Don't bother bothers them. Oh, pastor, no man. Drink what you want. It's show life. don't hide from me. I'm not God. I don't have a heaven or a hell to put you in. You know? That's a personal, that's a personal thing between you and the Lord. I don't judge nobody 'cause I was there. Yeah. And I know how it is.

I, when I go to Jersey to visit my family and friends, talk about drugs. S everywhere. Cocaine, heroin don't bother me. Say, Hey man, let me say hi. How you doing? I see you. Bye. Because I don't wanna be there. Is there's a raid. I don't wanna get caught up in that kind of stuff. Yeah. But they respect me and they, they respect me. and some of them that, you know, old friends, I like, man, let's go out, eat, but you clean, you don't have nothing in your pocket, this and that.

Let's go have a sandwich somewhere away from here. 'cause I, you know, what I'm trying to say with that is that those things don't affect me no more. because of the power of the Holy Spirit in me. And I don't judge nobody when I see those guys, whether, whatever you doing, I say you can change. Just like I changed my life 20 years I was a slave. and then let me, lemme take a step back. It's not about the drugs or the boost or the alcohol, I. It's about other things. Unforgiving spirit.

Oh, you don't know what he did to me? I forgave my stepfather. It's because of him at the age of 15, I hit the streets. It's because of him. I didn't have a, that relationship with my mother. I don't have no good memories of my mother and my father. I didn't have a childhood. I was from one hand to the other. I never, I slept in kitchens and I slept in living rooms in a co I never had that love. You know, I, I, I look, you know, my wife, for instance, uh, four sisters and eight brothers.

How tight, how close they are. I remember when her mother and father were alive, Wow. And I look at that and I say, wow, I wish I could have had that. I, so a lot of people are carrying a lot of stuff, a lot of being, being abused, by family members and all that, and they cannot get over that. What I'm trying to say is that God can heal all wounds. Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, whatever. if we only believe he healed me.

I used to be full of hatred towards my stepfather, anger towards my mother, bitterness, so many things that were inside of me, but praise God for his mercy, his goodness that, uh, you know, he had healed me. And now, all those things that I went through, I didn't realize why I thought that all that stuff was because God hated me.

No. All those things that I went through, now, God is using it for His glory and to bless suce because when somebody walks into my office and pastor, you don't know what I'm going through, I. Somebody, did this to me or told somebody talked about me or they back stabbed me, or I mean whatever. You know? Uh, I deal with people who are separation and, you know, kind of, dilemmas and things like that. I can look at that person and understand exactly what they're going through. Mm-hmm.

How many people do I cry with them and they're surprised, like, why the pastor crying with me? Help me. You know, because they start crying. I feel their pain, and now I see why God allow all those things in my life. Because now through those suffers that I went through, all the people are being blessed. Now I can talk to people and know what I'm talking about. It is not that I'm telling somebody something that I read in a life magazine or whatever, or repeating somebody's story.

I'm telling you what I live, what I experienced, what I've been through, and how God helped me conquer those things so that, you know, if he did it for me, he do it for anybody. Mm-hmm. I don't give you a drunk drug addict prostitute. A thief matter who you are. No matter who you are or what you have done. Because a lot of people think, oh, you don't know my past. That's right. I don't know your past and I don't need to know your past. God's not concerned about your past.

God is concerned about your present and your future, or he can do with you. Mm-hmm. He knows your past. He was there when you was committing that sin. He was there, he saw it. I think he's hidden. So now he's concerned about, okay, you come to me, give your life to me. you gonna, I'm gonna shock you what I'm gonna, what I can do in you and through you, because that's, I look at myself when I'm praying. I say, Lord, he's incredible. how you can.

Show so much mercy and do so much in the life of a person like me, the transformation in the inside, on the other side, I still look old and ugly and all that, but on the inside, in the inside, it's a totally different story. So I just, you know, whoever listening or whoever hears this, I just pray that, it would be a blessing that will help with them. It will strengthen them.

They want to give everything that they have to honor you. But sometimes the little things sometimes could be a unforgiving spirit. You sometimes could be a hurt pain. And we know how the enemy, works. He always, tries his very best to plant seeds, negative seeds in our minds. And that's how, he can, do his work, when we allow those things to come into our minds, because that's what the battle begins. we need, we need to surrender everything.

When those temptations, when those negative thoughts come into our mind, we need to turn them over immediately to Jesus Christ. We need to plead the blood of Jesus immediately of ourselves and ask God for of strength and for guidance. We don't need to entertain those pains or sufferings or whatever the situation may be.

So we pray, Lord, in the name of Jesus, and by the power of your Holy Spirit, that you give us the strength that we need, the courage that we need to just surrender everything to you. Whether it's a husband, a wife, a child, a son, a daughter, a mother, father, grandparents, brother, sisters, whoever the coworker. Because the enemy, like the word said, we wrestle against principalities.

And it's not people, it's those evil and unclean spirits that, that constantly are, they are working against us. 'cause the devil wants to destroy us. They wanna destroy our families want, the devil wants to destroy our marriages, our finances, our health. It's a battle going on. We can see it through our eyes. It's going on, it's happening. We can see how the world is just, is turned upside down.

So Father, I just pray, Lord, that if one word that, that I spoke would touch somebody, would help, somebody would bring healing, will bring strength, will bring illumination. Understanding Lord, it's for your glory and honor. It's not for me because I. Lord, you have been so good to me. I'm not who I used to be, but yet I'm not who I am going to be 'cause you're still working in me. It's a process.

And Lord, like always my prayer is that I want more and more of you because I want to be used by you. I want to be an instrument for building your kingdom, reaching out and touching the hearts and souls and lives of people for your glory, not for my glory, not for me, not for a ministry, but for you. That Jesus will be exalted. So Father, we love you. We thank you. We thank you for my brother because he's not a friend.

He's a brother, Jesse, for bringing us together, for needing a heart, for allowing us to work side by side. Lord, love you, Lord. I. Words cannot express our gratitude for what you have done in spite of what we have been through. We excited about the future 'cause I know you have great things for us. I know you're gonna do great things through us because it's for you, father, to glorify you and to bless your people, your children, your creation.

So Father, to you, be all the glory and the honor in Jesus' name, by the power of your Holy Spirit. Amen and amen. Amen.

Speaking of sharing, if you know a Jesus follower with a story to tell, please send them a link to Faith and Purpose Podcast. It may encourage them to tell their story. That person may even be you. Our only criteria is that Jesus be glorified. Most Christians don't share their faith because they mistakenly think their story is not interesting enough. Or that it's self-centered to talk about themselves or that they are not competent to explain the gospel correctly, but none of that is relevant.

If Jesus has changed your life, you have a story to tell. No one has a story like yours, and you may be the only one who can reach someone else through telling your experience. no one can disagree with your experience. When we tell what Jesus has done in our lives, we are being obedient to his command to go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature. It's not about theology and it's not about how interesting or special you are. It's all about Jesus.

So when you are ready to tell how Jesus has impacted your life, you can let Jesse know at his ministry website, jesse duke.net. There you can download guidelines that will make it easy to prepare to tell your story. Thank you for listening today and shalom.