¶ Navigating Counseling With Personal Beliefs
I pray before I go into those sessions yeah , because I don't want that spirit to come over and I also pray for strength and I deal with just things and a lot of times these people are broken . So if I can elevate you to a place where you're not as broken , hopefully you can see what you're doing and go the other way . Faith and Thalia's podcast .
Yeah , but then again we got Tristan and stuff , so she got her own little boot camp with parenting , oh man .
But yeah , I had to get some things out of the way before because it would have well , like you experienced with Lori it would have been hell for both of us to go through that and we wouldn't have been where we are now if we spent those first years trying to get through that .
But instead we got to actually enjoy each other for two or three years before Tristan came to live with us . And nobody's perfect . But I think our marriage is as close as you can get it because God put us together in the time . He put us together because that's when we were ready and both of us in that moment .
And this is important if you're single out there , don't try . If you're not ready to be married , don't waste your time and don't go play .
Yeah , don't . No , that's one of the biggest thing . That gets me anymore is that I know couples that live together , have kids together , buy houses together , own cars together , but they're not married . It's like why are you playing ?
Just pretending , as all it is , I don't know . And those same people will get mad at homosexuals for living together Because that's the sin . Yeah , oh , that was the sin . That was the sin . What they do is not sin , that's just anyway . I'm going to get off that topic because I'll keep going . So do you .
I already kind of know this answer , but as you counsel couples , I know you have some very specific couples . How do you keep from , or do you even try to keep from , pushing your own personal values and beliefs on to the situation ? How do you navigate around that ?
Or how do you navigate , more importantly , through it to where you don't set aside what you believe , you don't bend to what you believe , but you also aren't pushing your beliefs on them ? What's the balance ? How do you do that ?
So , like I said , I'm in a unique position . I don't have to take every client I see . So you actually , you think you get a consultation , but I get an interview , so I get a free consultation . You get 30 minutes with me for nothing , yeah , if you like me .
But really I'm deciding if I want to spend my time and I let you know straight up front , it's on my stuff that I'm a Christian and at the end of the day , I don't violate my beliefs , because a few things I'll tell people .
I will never tell someone to get a divorce , because when I stand in front of God I am not going to answer why people are divorced . Yeah , I will tell you . You need to set boundaries and be prepared for the consequences . That is . That is one thing that that I do cost . You said I have unique couples , but are you ready for the thing to start scrolling ?
I am a Christian who sees homosexual couples for marriage counseling , and that is thanks to Pastor Steve .
He does blame me . I processed this with you .
Yeah , and it's because I may be the only Christian that they experience in their life that shows them love . So I'm planning to see that I may never see develop . It may not develop , I don't know . And they can tell you to come to you because they trust they can tell you to come to me and I never tell them .
I never call their partner a spouse , I never say your husband or your wife or anything like that , and I'm open .
¶ Challenges in Marriage Counseling
I remember my first . I had a lesbian couple that have a kid and they came to me and they said , yeah , we have a kid . I was . I finally said , okay , hey , check it out . I'm a redneck from Montana . How do you have a kid ? Did you adopt ? And they went through the whole thing .
I was like at the end I said cool thanks . So they actually just like told you out of a base of joy .
They told me how they how they ordered the semen from some place and then mixed it with one of their eggs and then the other one carried it , and I mean so it actually was from both of them , then it was yeah .
I was like , okay , but the whole time we're talking with them I shared with you the other day I pray before I go into those sessions yeah , cause I don't want that spirit to come over and I also pray for strength and I deal with just things , and a lot of times these people are broken .
So if I can elevate you to a place where you're not as broken , hopefully you can see what you're doing and go the other way .
Yeah , that's a big one . I mean , if Christians will not get that close to those people to show them that life .
I told you . I said that when I started counseling I was asked to two people I'd refer the most fastest . One was a homosexual male and the other one was anyone that was basically harmed , a child , my first two clients . One was a homosexual male and the other one was a teenage kid that wants to do sister .
So I was like okay , okay , lord , they always say don't tell .
God what you're going to do , because you know , yeah . So we got a couple of questions . Oh , I think the connect couples ministry said , hey , hey , that is our connect couple scripture . She said I knew Bill was smart . I knew Bill was smart . So we have a question what is your recommendation for the best couples devotional books ?
Can you think of those off top of your head ?
You know , this is what we've done . Okay , it's not a devotion to my you and Lori . Yeah , lori , and we tried to do it . I'm not really good at it . I'm better than I am . Have you ever heard of the passion translation ? Yeah , it is not a study Bible .
It is not a no , it's not theologically sound .
It's not theologically sound , but it is probably the best passive reading of any .
Bible Reason why , like a story kind of book , it's like what's that show the chosen the chosen .
Okay , we actually sit down and you can use another version . Sit down and read through it and just share what you think of what you're reading . I mean there's , you know , you got the fireproof stuff . You got all that stuff .
Now is fireproof . Is that a couples ? Fireproof is a couples thing . I know it's a video or it was a , it was a movie and it's , I mean , yeah , a movie . And then I think there was a men's Bible study we did once based off of that one . Yeah , but I know they had a couple of things too . That's good .
But that's the beginning of it . Constantly is going , there's a music guy . This is how we do it . Yeah , remember that song yeah , this is how we deal with it . Montel Jordan . Yeah , okay , this is amazing . I think we seen it by the couples retreat and this is nothing . Guys , spend the money .
Go to the couples retreat , go to the one in Dallas , go to any of them . You get so much from it and they're so fun . Montel Jordan became saved and runs a couple's ministry now Really , and actually has a devotional Really . And when they open up , their first line when they open up is this is how he did it .
Yeah , he starts singing it and then he says everything changed when my wife walked into a church and asked God if she should divorce me and God told him no . And I want you to know that I had an affair on my wife and she goes a few times . So , yeah , I mean so , yeah , they're out there . Get some of the newer ones .
Don't be afraid to try something new . Yeah , that's good .
That's good . Are there any trends or future challenges in marriage counseling that you're preparing for Something in the future that maybe you see that could be an issue ? I mean yeah .
Same sex marriages , yeah . Open relationships , polyamorous relationships All of those things are just stupid . Yeah , you know . All right , go ahead . I always try to choke things back . The stuff that goes on in people's bedrooms anymore , I think , is one of the biggest hindrance in relationship .
I'm sorry , I'm selfish , I'm not inviting someone else into my bedroom with my wife . There's no way in the world . There's not . Okay , I honestly believe this is my belief . So if you can find a different , please tell me and I'll read the scripture on it . Sex was designed between two couples , as long as it's safe , consensual . Where's the boundaries ?
Yeah , so you got to make sure nothing else is added . No porn , no , no other person , none of that stuff . Yeah , and that's what ruins it anymore . Is that all this stuff's added and you got to break down those barriers . You got to break down those walls . You got to break down the comparison .
You got to all this stuff , and I think a lot of that also leads back to the culture , leads back to the porn addiction , because they see things and they're like I like what I'm seeing , I want to try it , you know .
I told someone once sorry , lori .
I told someone once sorry , lori .
Everyone wants to date the porn star , but nobody wants to marry him . Facts . But when you find that level of those four intimacies clicking all the time and the fifth one sitting there , don't look outside .
It's really like when that kind of aversion tries to come into a marriage and to the privacy of a bedroom it's . I think it's really kind of like an open marriage , somebody wanting consent on stepping outside of the marriage and feeling like , well , I guess if I include who I'm with , it's okay . And how degrading is that ?
to your spouse .
Yeah , and granted , if the other side of it is adventurous or whatever you want to call it to , and blah , blah , blah , whether anybody's acknowledging it or not , it's doing damage . If not now or today , it will be tomorrow or soon .
And guys , don't be one of the things that causes a lot of that is mundane routine , whatever you want to call it , and it's not . It's not just in a bedroom , it's in your marriage life . Yeah , and you know , can you edit coming home at every night and have a meatloaf and potatoes ?
Even if you love meatloaf and potatoes , even if you love it , even if you love it .
Pretty quick , you ate meatloaf and potatoes . Yeah , the other thing that we hid in our marriages . I got to remind myself of this and you all understand when I say it is the little things we think are so cute when we meet become annoying as you're married .
My wife's love of animals was so cute and that's why you've seen the video , right , yeah , with the turtles . And I've seen the video because every once in a while I got to remember that is what drew me to her . Is that cuteness ? Yeah .
We've become such a . She was crying for those , so I wasn't going to say that I didn't say that , Lori Okay . You know , so that's what we got . Yeah , like there was now my wife doesn't do this , but there was a girl that I dated one time that she would ask questions all the time throughout the movie and at the moment I thought it was cute .
But now , if I was , if I ended up with her as she did that , now I would want to choke her because it would be so annoying . And when we watch a movie , does she do that ? She does , doesn't she ? I'm not saying you're annoying , not only that .
But ending , so she knows how to end .
Oh , now , jesse does that , especially if we had to stop watching something Like we have a standard and if it says GD , we cut the movie off . If we don't look it up beforehand to find out , so Shill , it will eat her up so bad . She has to know what happened .
Like it makes her mad that because I watched it in the theater with some guy friends when Avengers Endgame came out and it said GD in it . Well , I found that out because I watched it and she knows , and that's the only one she hadn't seen . She's eats her up . There's an app that will remove that .
Yeah , vidangel , but I think the Marvel , they wouldn't let them do it on there . So that was because we looked .
I've got a friend , lori Tix . You know who would ask her .
Our mic is cutting out . Who's mic ? Me ? But the feed started to cut out and I can't make out anything that is being said . Doesn't know why . If I was good , I don't know , check . Can you still hear me ?
You checked that , lori text us if it's good . It is cutting out . Okay , so you can hear it now . Lori , she said that she didn't hear anything we were talking about at the end when we were laughing that might be good actually .
Well , hopefully the audio is being recorded with me .
Yeah .
Hosted again . Yeah , it is cutting out right there . Hopefully it's working now . Well , if not , yeah , that one's , I think that one and everyone out for Shana I think that's when you were picking on Lori , anyway . Well , it sounds like it's working , anyways . So if someone was thinking about doing this for a career , what would you give them ?
Run , give them as advice .
No , Make sure you're securing your own stuff . That's good . Make sure that you're secure they're going to teach you in school . Make sure you know what you're sharing , make sure you know what People like real people , yeah , and I think that's why I'm able to connect , because I'll tell you I messed up , man .
I'll tell you that you know where we struggled and everything like that , and I don't spill my guts to spill my guts . But the other thing is to remember is you're not the fix-all , you're not the end , all day , everything . And if you don't connect with somebody , kick them on , send to someone else that does . It was like you said it earlier .
You know people that carry clients forever for job security . Honestly , I think counseling is like a mortician . You're never going to run out of clients , that's true . You may have to market it a different way or something , and that's what we're doing right now is figuring out how to market it more towards the marriage side than the other stuff .
Yeah , but you know that's the big one with it .
¶ Advice for Struggling Couples
Yeah . So if you have any closing thoughts , let's say a little free session right here . If anybody's struggling , say you have a marriage couple right now and they're struggling , what would be ? I kind of know , probably , what your answer would be , but what would be your advice to the struggling couple ?
Or say it's one person it feels like they're doing all the trying and the other side is not . Like , obviously you can't counsel them from 10 seconds of saying something , but what would you try to help them to navigate that situation , to at least find better waters ?
First thing , you got to do . You got to open up about it . Okay , if you're the one that's trying and you keep getting walked on , you need to have absolutes . Okay , you need to have boundaries . We we talk about boundaries all the time , but do you really know what they are ?
Yeah , boundaries are a something I need you to do why I need you to do it and what's going to happen if you don't do it . And you got to stick with them . You may not like the outcome , but you got to have your boundaries . You got to be able to be open . You got to be able to listen . We always want to say so .
Really , tell me what's wrong , be prepared .
Yeah , don't own it .
Yeah , and don't be afraid to call someone . Seriously , don't be afraid to call someone . I'm not dogging when I say this . Passers are a good resource , but they can only go so far , yeah . So if you tried your pastor , you tried someone like that . Call someone else , you know , don't be afraid to go out there , don't air your laundry .
Yeah , make sure it's somebody that you can trust , that will pray for you , be there for you , intercede for you , and not spread it . Yes .
Cause that I tell people all the time my biggest thing with Facebook is this would you hang your dirty underwear out on your clothesline in your backyard for it when you're seeing it ? Yeah , so why are you ?
going to put it on Facebook . People do it all the time . Yeah , they Facebook problems , but they never face them . I think that's the biggest thing . Yeah , so I think that's it . That was our last question , wasn't it ? I think that's it . Can you call Dr Bill ?
No , do not , don't call me Dr Bill , because I can get in trouble for that . Can you really ? Yes , I can . I had a friend that was actually turned in because she was promoted as a doctor and she wasn't a doctor .
It's a violation of ethics and you wanted them . Was it a complimentary ? What is it Honorary ? Honorary , yeah , complimentary . They just hand them out when you walk in .
Thank you so much for coming and sharing , and remember that you can always email Faith and Failures at Gmail If you ever have any questions after an episode or you want to get in contact with him . He does do online counseling as well .
I don't know if he's taking in more clients , but he'll give you an assessment and he'll see whether you're going to be his client or not . We also do coaching and coaching .
So here's the deal I can do counseling if you're in state . If you're out of state , we can do coaching . Okay , cool , Quality's the same there you go . So you know that's the big thing with it .
So I know we have some people watching in Europe and Canada and stuff like that . So if you're not around , you can still . He does it on the computer with some of his clients , so coaching would be a good step in the right direction . For sure , you take insurance , take insurance . Do you only do insurance ?
Oh , no , no , okay , I didn't know how that worked .
I do cash , I do the major insurances . I don't do humana for some reason , but and I work with a lot of I work a lot to make sure that you get what you need to get . Does that make sense ? Yeah , now I'll tell you . I believe you have to have skin in the game .
So , and the other thing we do the conference is , if you book us for a conference , we come in and we actually trained . We'd come in and we'd train mentors to leave at your church and they're trained and prepared and rich .
We do the two day and a half , two day conference , do all the assessments and then leave after we do the assessment , or they're probably about a week , week and a half . That's a cool thing about doing it online . I can still do my other stuff online . Yeah , that's cool .
So once I repost this video , with his consent , his information to get a hold of him and for the conference and things like that too , his email and all that stuff to his business . I will have that down below in the description or , if you're on Facebook , down below in the little box .
But once again , thank you so much for joining us today on another episode of Faith and Failures . Don't forget to like it's free Subscribe to our YouTube channel . Follow us on Instagram and Facebook Also . We pass over 750 members in our private Facebook group . The Facebook group is more designed for more direct interaction and conversation and not where .
That way , if you have a question or a concern regarding the Bible or culture or whatever , you can post it there . You can ask it there Also . Normally , there's a guy that's actually going to come to our church at the end of October . His name is Caleb . He's an evangelist . He posts a lot on there too . He helps me out with that .
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