¶ Tearing Down Spiritual Strongholds
I think we have a question . As an LPC , what would you say is the biggest challenge for people when tearing down spiritual strongholds developed over time by attitudes and behaviors learned from those who raised them ?
They don't start with self-confidence , do they ? That's a fast pitch , right out of the box . Faith and Failure Podcast .
So what are some of the things that you do ? Because , like , okay , so in my field , besides the preaching and stuff and obviously y'all are reaping the benefits right now of the technology that I've been able to upgrade and keep on top of by live streaming and cameras and all the stuff we got set up in here in light so I stay on top of that preaching .
You stay on top of messages . You know you're trying to grow a church . You stay on top of , kind , of the future . What is what are people looking for ? Now ? Livestream is a big part of the church . You know 2020 really catapulted that .
What are some things that you have to stay on top of in your like , do you do you constantly go back to classes , to stay , I have to continue in education .
Oh , dave , I think it's 40 hours in Texas . Continue education every two years ? Oh , every two years . Okay , so I'm always going back to some class . I'm always right now I'm trying to figure out if I want to go study some Gottman stuff or some . Explain that . What does that mean ?
Gottman is just another type of therapy , so there's that one and then there's one called Solution Focus Therapy , and those are the two that I'm looking at .
I think we have a question . As an LPC , what would you say is the biggest challenge for people when tearing down spiritual strongholds developed over time by attitudes and behaviors learned from those who raised them ?
They don't start with self-holding do they . That's a fast pitch right out of the box . So the biggest thing is to get them to realize that they can change .
And that's . That's a fact . If you can get that , that's a majority of the battle .
If you can get them to quit buying the lie that has been told for so many years , because when we're told something over and over and over , that's what we become . So if you can get them to quit buying that and I can say this because I forgot this is your podcast what does that mean ?
Well , there's ethics in my profession , so I can't say you know , pastor Stephen , you really need to start looking to see who God designed you to be as a man . But that's what it is . Yeah , I do an exercise with people of introduce yourself to me , tell me who you are , and you can tell so much about someone when you do that in the first few lines .
My name is Bill . I'm a counselor on this , on that . If it's all the stuff you do , that's not who you are . So then you got to tear down what you do and come back with who you are . And it's hard because in my last job in the VA , I moved up quick . I had some not initial , but some recognition behind my name .
So when I left the VA I had to start over and that was something I had to figure out . Who am I ? Yeah , and that was a hard , a hard chore , I bet . So if you can get them to realize who they are , that's the first step in tearing down the straw hole .
And you asked also , as pastor , like to go hand in hand with what you're saying , like that definition can only come from God . I mean , that's what people are searching for . They're trying to figure out . That's why all these people are all these young kids coming up are trying to be influencers . You ask them what they want to do .
I've heard so many times I want to be an influencer . What does that mean ? I make stuff on TikTok , right ? I do stuff on like ? What does that even mean ? Like , my question is who's your influence Exactly ? And it's never God , right . It's always like you just said , it's all . It's what they're being fed . What they eat on is their nutrition .
See my other secret is , and I want to share this real deep secret here . Right , this is how you become successful in counseling . I pray for my clients . Yeah , I will actually sit there in a session and stop and they'll say I'm still here , I just got to process something . Process something is okay , God . What am I supposed to say ?
Okay , God , give me something to say , Because the wisdom that is downloaded is greater than what I can ever say yeah , to yield yourself to the spirit like that .
It's a game changer and they said fantastic answer . Thank you for that question . If anybody else has any questions , if you're joining us , feel free to comment and we will try as we go . If you have a question directly for Bill , just comment . I can see it on the screen and we will try our best to answer it . Well , he will .
So back to what you asked me yeah , I do continue in education . The other thing I do is I listen to podcasts .
Yeah .
And I listen to what other people are doing , because sometimes what other people are doing is not the best thing , right , so you don't want to repeat it , yeah , but any resources out there I mean , you don't have to be a counselor , you know to listen to podcasts , yeah , and you just get somewhat strongly .
Yeah , if you like , anything you intake would be what you can regurgitate or , you know , recreate .
Always balance them against truth . Yeah , because you can listen to a podcast and one person will say , well , this is permitted in marriage . And then you listen next one , they're like , no , that's not permitted . Yeah , that's because you want to do that and the other one doesn't want to . So let's bounce it up , god's word , and see what it says .
You always go back to scripture and you will . You will remain true . So your counseling process okay , you kind of hit on it a little bit . So can you walk us through the process ? When you have a couple come in front of you , okay , and you , it's your first meeting , your first sit down , what do you do to kind of get a well-rounded assessment of what's ?
going on in their relationship . I actually do an intake , I have a standardized intake .
They sit down and we talk about anything from your childhood to your education , alcohol , sex abuse , everything and I ask the same question in both parties answer and then at the end the important thing is when you do marriage counseling , you always have to have one identified patient because otherwise , unless you're doing cash pay , otherwise the insurance won't pay .
So at the end you have to have a diagnosis . When you present . The time I use it's adjustment disorder with mixed anxiety and depression . Think of your relationship . You always have an adjustment problems . You got anxiety and depression and then a Z code which basically means that , hey , they fight . So we do a basic assessment .
All that does is give me an overview and then , as we start the process , people just naturally spill and that's when we start digging deeper . There's so much anymore . There's so much trauma in people's lives that there's a lot of trauma that affects the relationship . There's a lot of depression that affects relationship .
When you're depressed , you don't want to hang out with anyone , so we do that . And then , when we proceed , we just keep on going and we get deeper and deeper .
So do people come in expecting like a one session fixer ? Do you get ?
that a lot . I've had a couple . I've had a couple that come in with a one session fixer . Yeah , no .
It doesn't work .
No , it just one of my favorite . I got to admit I am not . Maybe I am , I don't know . I always say I'm not the traditional cows . If you're coming to me and you want me to hold your hand and skip through the flowers and tell you everything's gonna be okay , I'm not your guy .
Yeah , I already told you I'm a combat vet , so I know how to be very straightforward and it's all last , straight up . What do you want me to do ? What do you expect to walk out of here with Cause ? I'm not gonna bottom line , I'm not gonna make it better . I'm gonna give you the tools to make it better .
So if you think , you can do it in one session , Good luck to you .
Good luck , yeah , he we were talking about . He told me that same thing and he said that he's not . He's not trying to find a . What did you call it ? You're trying to actually heal people . You're not trying to get job security .
That's right , and I thought that was pretty cool , Cause I mean , there'll be people that will counsel people for 13 years on the same subject , same topic , same issues , and there's never any healing .
If I don't see progression in probably eight sessions I'm gonna refer you on and I can feel a lot quicker I should . Honestly , I try to get people in and out within six months .
That's it . So , speaking of six months , all right . So let's say a couple comes in and they've been married for a while . Like all of us do , you get married for a while , you get used to each other , you get complacent , you don't try as hard anymore , you're very comfortable with each other , you're just you .
Let's say , this couple can become , have become just excellent roommates . Maybe they're standing together for kids or , you know , there's whatever legal reasons that they they want to benefit . You know whatever thought out there . All right , they come in and neither one of they take this assessment and neither one of them think that they are the problem .
How do you deal with that ? So I'm gonna ask three questions before you even take an assessment . Okay , because I'm very lucky , I don't have to see anyone .
So no , no , I don't .
I don't . I don't no sweat off your back . I don't mean to be mean . Okay , I draw disability from VA . I'm retired from VA , so I do this because I love it . Yeah , plus , I think my wife be at home .
But so when you come in , I that's why he's here tonight , because she said to leave .
That's three simple questions .
¶ Commitment and Responsibility in Relationships
How committed are you to the relationship ? Yeah , how much of this is your fault ? And how willing are you to change Scale one to five ? And if you don't score , three is not an option anyway , three is a he might as well you might commit to something , yeah , if you're not willing to do those three things , I'm not going to sit here .
I'm not going to sit here every day with you ?
Yeah , but now that's probably a little further . What if they're really wanting to make things work , but they really feel like it's the other person's fault , like , say , both of them think that . Have you ever had that before ? Yeah , what do ?
you . I can't , you can't , I want to use you . Okay , go ahead . You can't change Jesse . Yeah , jesse can't change you . So what I'm going to ask you to do is look at what you can do to change yourself , to encourage her to change Smart , and there's little things . I'm going to go back to Mimbi and not the brightest people in the world .
If you send your wife text messages of flirtation , do you flirt with your wife on text messages Only every hour ? Yeah , okay , some of us don't realize to do that . So it's like dude . You got to send your wife .
When I started doing it , I had to program it at my phone and at one point no , I'm just To remind yourself , remind myself and at one point I actually Googled flirty text messages to send my wife , but you put it in the Wart and it changed everything .
So that's , it's like dude you got to find the motivation . I don't suggest Googling that these days because you might find something . You should be looking at it , but that's I mean , that's fair .
I was just wondering , like , because that's probably your worst case scenario , where both of them think that the other person is a problem , but they want to work or they want the other person to work .
I've had sessions because I do stuff online .
Yeah .
We're all logged in and there'll be somebody sitting there and I'll say I thought this was a couple of one . Well , I did too . So what do you want to do ? You got an hour . It's going to cost you , no matter if you sit here or not . So what do ?
you want to do . That's tough Now .
That's real tough because there's a lot of things out there and a lot of times what I do is I talk to the person that showed up about how to motivate them to get their wife to or spouse to come in the session . It's tough , so deal your bills .