¶ Technology's Impact on Relationships
It depends how you look at technology . For the most part , if you use it for good , it's great yeah , like anything else . But I've seen it affect relationships in such a negative aspect . Faith and Failure's podcast .
To broken people with major trauma and we had to own our own junk and heal so we could fight for our marriage . That's important .
It is and you know , on top of it , when you own your own junk , you know everyone comes in with baggage and always tell people first thing you got to do is you got to unpack that suitcase , no matter what it looks like , you got to throw it out there and you got to own it . This is mine .
But once it's out there and you own it , you got to approach it together . If you , if you look at an argument or a fight , I know exactly what to say to win . I can win in about three seconds . Oh yeah , but it's almost like a tug of war . We're trying to win , so we're pulling it towards us . We're trying to push the problem on them .
What happens if we take the problem and we remove it from between us , put it on shelf and approach it together , because then you're looking for a resolution , you're not trying to .
That's the key resolution out there , and there's even been times when I've told couples write the problem down on a sticky note and put it on the glass in the middle of the table and look at it as you talk , because then you're focused on the problem and not focused on the wounds . It .
Yeah , kind of become a team looking at something when you're , when you're in a relationship you know , I told you I'm a combat vet , so I , I say , had PTSD .
People say don't go away , but grace of God it's gone . But with that that affected Lori . Yeah , so even though it was my diagnosis , it was our problem . Yeah , so let's throw that in between us and work on it together . That's good .
Yeah , and you constantly keep it in between you . You're always facing opposite Each other and that's , that's good . I like that . So let's see , you know the comment . Jeff and I had a long talk before we got married . We decided to uh , we weren't getting married to get divorced .
This was it for both of us my first , his second , crock-pot marriage , not a microwave marriage . It's good .
So remember um , I'm going to steal this from my wife . You can either fight for your marriage or fight through a divorce . Yeah , either way it's a fight . Yeah , you just choose which one .
And divorce . I mean , there are custodial parents . I guess I'm we'll consider that winning , but there's no winners , especially if kids are involved . And truly , are you ever divorced ? You're tied to that person for the rest of your life , yep . So let's go on to technology and modern marriage .
So has technology oh , we got a lot of AI right now you solving problems with AI yet , or no ? I'm old , so old school out of AI . Has the technology affected the kinds of issues that you see from what , say , 15 , 20 years ago to now ?
People need to know what a digital footprint is . Number one , of course , you got the porn . All right , that's , that's a given . Every , every answer is going to end up with porn Digital footprint . So how many times do young people take pictures or videos and send them to their significant other and next thing you know it's all over the internet .
So you got that aspect .
¶ The Impact of Technology on Relationships
The other thing is is that I'm not going to say I'm for or against it , but how many people start the relationship online ? Swipe left swipe white .
I've heard a lot of that , like even on the what was it super popular world of Warcraft . Okay , I've heard I work with the guy at Walmart . His wife played that game all the time , met somebody on there that she did not really know and left him and moved to where he was at because of that game . So it's , are you kidding me ? It ?
is so easy to have an emotional affair , you know , which turns into a physical affair , which I think you know . Technology is great , so let's flip it around . There's two apps that I love intimately and I actually have . I'm trying to find it here . Hold on here , Social media . By the time I find it , she's going to say what it is .
It's intimately has some just between us . Okay , there are actually challenges . One of us is an encrypted thing . You can flirt back and forth . Those are positive things with it , yeah . So it depends how you look at technology . For the most part , if you use it for good , it's great , yeah , like anything else .
But I've seen it affect relationships in such a negative aspect .
Yeah , my first marriage . One of the downfalls on my part was I had a YouTube channel and I would record myself singing . I wasn't really saved then go to church like once every six months and it got some traction . And so what happens ?
When you get traction , you get tracked and women talk to you , send you little messages and stuff like that and I'm like I'm getting all this attention , what's going on ? Stupid stuff . But that wouldn't have been available if it wasn't for the technology aspect of it . I think Facebook and Instagram for one , it's kind of the soft porn of our everyday life .
It's not graphic , but it's just enough to lure us in , to make us want more or to talk to somebody because of what they're posted on there and that's . I went and kind of filtered through Instagram stuff , people that I knew but was posting provocative whatever because they had a nice body and they weren't ashamed of it . I'd go and I'll follow them .
I said I don't care . My relationship with that woman on that wall over there is more important to me than my eyes stay only for her and they don't wonder off . Because I mean , like even Jesus said , if you look upon a woman with lust , you've already committed adultery . Are you actually doing it ?
No , but if you allow that to take root in your heart and your mind , it will end up coming out somewhere along the way and you'll leave a wake of bodies and a marriage that , and that's the thing .
All it takes is to be in a slump once when you get that love your music . You're so cute . Nothing's meant to be there , but next thing you know what's happening .
Yeah , and it's weird , so kind of . I know technology and modern marriage , but have you , how many times have you counseled someone who has stepped outside of the marriage ? Do they come to you at that point or is that kind of already too far gone ? No , I've got a few of them . I still Is a lot of .
Besides , the technology part of it is a lot of stepping outside of the marriage have to do with proximity . No , no , no , like what I'm thinking in my head , like geographically divorced so we call it in the military Someone who is friends with someone at work and they build a relationship . Yes , yes . Okay , that's what I meant .
I thought you had proximity like distance . Oh no , no Like .
And a fair ? I can't say never . And the fair usually doesn't start with the intent of hooking up Right . It usually starts with the intimacy , the communication , the things like that .
I've oftentimes seen people get in that predicament because someone gave them attention and was the ear or the shoulder that their spouse would not be to them anymore , because they stopped trying , because they quit trying to date their spouse . They quit trying to pretty themselves up to actually put forth the number .
Yeah , and that's , think about it , when you wanted to date . Jesse , I'm no enough of your story . You were like total pursuit .
Yeah , she can't go . Tell me now she still don't yeah .
It was like what you don't like my haircut . Give me five minutes , you know pretty much .
Yes . And what I found out ? She didn't like my big beard , because somebody actually only cut it off . If you can see , it's never
¶ Importance of Pursuing and Communicating in Relationships
been back .
It's constant pursuit and if people understand that , you know , if Lori would walk by me and I didn't say something or slap something or touch something , she'd probably go . What's wrong ? What's wrong ? Did I do something wrong ? Because I love my wife and everything about it so I pursue her constantly . Yeah , you know , people have heard .
Well , women are like crockpots and men are like guys and no dude . If you're pursuing your wife constantly , you've been heating it up .
Yeah , you've been doing it the whole time , and that's the game .
Now I always say my best trick in the world is to sit down or flirt with her all day and tell her all this stuff that's going to happen , then fall asleep .
I mess with Jesse all the time because she's she's the one which women are like this they want to relax , they want to to get in the mood , take a bath or massage or whatever , and but she's that person that it's like 11 o'clock at night and I'm like , I'm like I'm so tired . I'm a morning person . I want to wake up . I'm fresh , I'm renewed . Let's go .
And we have to really communicate and be intentional with our relationship . We're gonna baby pretty quick .
So you go look at your schedule and you're gonna see Jesse running on your schedule and you're gonna say what's this about ? Just go home .
I've heard that . I've heard putting it on the calendar helps us stay regular . Yes , oh man , it's going to be fun .