¶ Overcoming Pornography Addiction in Marriage
It's not just the guys .
Yeah , which is weird , it's always your guys talking about the guy that issue .
Yeah , it's more prevalent than women , than what anyone would know .
So now say , you got a couple in there , whether it's the husband or the wife or whatever , and this , that topic comes up , porn comes up . What do you do , or what tactics or what ideas or what literature or podcast what are like ? What do you ?
What do you give them to say or to help them to be able to overcome that addiction or that that draw even to that ? What are some often issues that you see in marriages that often go overlooked , that maybe , maybe should be more magnified than they are , but they're oftentimes overlooked .
Inability to communicate effectively . Now that right there is a big one in all kinds of areas to be able to be vulnerable in your communication , not to be defensive and not own your partner's feelings . They're my feelings . You didn't cause them , you did it . That's mine . And the other one is this let's see if I can do this . I'm a crybaby at times .
The negative effect that pornography has on a marriage before the marriage is even happened . Yeah , I mean , it's just back when I was growing up . He had to be brave enough to walk into the bus stop and ask that old lady for a magazine .
Yeah , it was an actual paper , exactly yeah , and I hide it under a mattress or other in the town where my dad said I want you to know if you pass gas , I want to know it before you do . And it was , it was about that small , so , really , yeah , that's funny .
But but now , but now it's everywhere , yeah , and you bring that in your relationship and it's , I'm going to go there . Sexual sin is such a stronghold on a marriage , yeah , that it destroys everything . Yeah , sex is the greatest thing God ever designed , amen . But it's , it's , it's between two people . Yeah , you know .
I had a pastor tell me once yeah , we are the pastor's convention . I used to be a pastor , I think I told you that , right , so we're the pastor's convention . Once , and it's a big pastor named big name Pastor . He said you know what pastors , you guys are not spending enough time in your bedroom . I don't care what you got to do .
If you're going to hang a swing in that room , you hang a swing in that room , but you need to learn how to be intimate and have fun . Porn ruins that , that's true . So I think that's one of the biggest things coming into a marriage that goes over .
So how often does that play a huge factor in the , the counseling that you've probably more than anybody wants to admit , more than anyone want .
And here's the thing , it's not just the guys , yeah .
Which is weird . It's always your guys talking about . They got an issue , yeah .
It's more prevalent in women than what anyone would know Really .
So now say , you got a couple in there , whether it's the husband or the wife or whatever , and this , that topic comes up , porn comes up . What do you do , or what tactics or what ideas or what literature or podcasts , what are like ? What do you give them to say or to help them to be able to overcome that addiction or that draw even to that ?
So there's a few things . Number one is you got to , of course , you got to give it to God . Yeah , you got to pray through it . You got to confess it . You got to throw it out there .
Which is a big for even somebody to even say that they have the issue is a big deal .
So , on top of that , if you're married and your spouse doesn't have every password that you have , you need to check yourself .
I remember the day , not the specific like on the calendar , but I remember the moment that I told my wife and it it wasn't probably that I was having issues . But I don't know how anybody else deals with it or struggles with it or whatever , but I I almost can feel like it's grabbing my shirt , trying to lure me back in .
Like if I go to my computer right now and I'm not logged into any of my accounts but I go to YouTube , what pops up is everything with the big butt girl on there and I'm not logged in but it's trying to get me to watch that and it knows , I guess , that I'm a guy .
I don't know how it knows what to put on there , but I'm not even logged into anything to trace me . I'm just opening YouTube and the pages there and it's got all kinds of women on there .
So I write how much stuff do you think pops up on my feed with Harleys , with Harley-Davidson's , it's like try to look at bikes and you get- . I spend more time hitting unfollow or delete or show last , whatever . Yeah , not interested . So if you give , you give all the passwords .
Okay , if you can manage for your wife to be your accountability partner , that's great .
Yeah .
But the hard part about that is the fact that your wife's got to be able to be to hold you accountable without shaming you , yeah , and if not , then there's and I forget what it is there's a couple programs you can put on your phone A coveted eyes . A coveted eyes is one that you can do . What helped me was my oldest son struggled and I didn't confess .
I got caught because my wife was ripping my son a new one and it wasn't him , oh crap . So he confessed and then I had to confess because and at that point we said , okay , we're accountability . Do you know that ? And he was probably 16 at the time , and he could walk up and say that came to your phone .
The other rule we have is we don't erase browser history . When you got to erase browser history , then you're hiding something .
Yeah , that's a big one . Yeah , I gave all my like , even the company , instagram , twitter , facebook emails . I got like six emails gone right now and I keep the password fairly kind of the same with a little bit of variation , and she knows all the variations . So . And two because if I ever die , she needs that information too .
You're in marriage . You're one unit , yeah , you know . So why are you hiding stuff ?
Well , and I've got some friends that they they have told me that they have that struggle , which most guys do , because it's about sight , Like we get turned on by what we see . If it looks good , it gets us going and it doesn't have anything to do with who the woman is , no at all .
And one of my friends said that his he cannot talk to his wife about it at all because she makes it about her Like it's like he doesn't want her , he doesn't desire her , or she's too heavy to this , to that , not enough this , not enough that . And my wife doesn't do that .
She's she's the best woman there is , but like she's my , my , my sorry , Nope , nope , Like . For , for example , we were , we were in Tyler , we were going to the mall at the summertime . It was a few years ago . I'm driving , I'm turning left and I feel this little hand on my shoulder . She was like I'm sorry , baby , I'm like what she's like that .
That girl's over there with the butt cheeks hanging out of her shorts . I didn't even see it and she was saying she was sorry because I struggle . I'll never forget that Like that's , that's who she is .
So two things . Number one I want you to look at it a different way Sometimes when you're engaging in porn and what you do when you engage in porn . Is that a nice way to say it ?
Yeah .
It's selfish yeah , especially if you're married because you don't want to take the time to engage in that with your wife . Because you may have to if you're , if you're really in a good relationship , sex is more about pleasing your partner than it is yourself . Yeah , that should be so , it should be . Yeah , so it's .
It's selfish not to take the time to enjoy that with your wife the way it's meant to be . Yeah , okay . The other thing is , what I do is I tell Lori .
¶ Navigating Temptation and Lust in Walmart
We were in Walmart the other day and there was a girl that was walking through there and I said , lori , look at her . She's like , oh look , and I was like , wait , and she had those shorts on , that . It's like you couldn't put nothing in the pocket because the pop was cut out and Lori was like , oh man , you know .
And then it was like , okay , let's turn down the different aisle , you know , because , honestly , god made women the best gift in the world for a man and , of course , you know what Zayn did he took and corrupted it . Yeah . So if you struggle , you got to be open . Yeah , you got to be open with .
There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that a girl is pretty or looks good . What's wrong is when it turns to a lustful yeah Desire or a gock or something like that . Yeah .
I already got to say one time . He said how to help yourself , not lust . So first of all , the first look is free Five seconds . Something catches your eye , you see it , something caught your eye . But when you linger or you stare or you let it penetrate your mind , he said get that first look and bounce , and bounce right on .
I've got a friend that says if it's longer than five minutes , not a look anymore . Five minutes , five seconds , no five seconds . I'm sorry that boy's got some grace .
Yeah , it's longer than five seconds . If it's longer than 15 minutes , you probably need it . Oh , that's good , that's good .
I'd like you to submit it more quickly , so it can keep you 먹을 or sweat it more quickly as I like eating it . You really care about the person who is calling you to your phone .