¶ Faith and Healing in Life's Challenges
Before we get into today's video , I just wanted to say thank you to all of the new subscribers . If you haven't yet , consider subscribing , hit that bell notification so that you can see every time I put out a new video . A major portion of you that watch my videos haven't subscribed yet , so why not ? It's free .
You can also find a PayPal link below if you want to give a one-time or give a monthly to support the channel . Anything , great or small , is appreciated . Now let's get into the video . Let's talk about your coaching and philosophy . So your approach to coaching . What are some methods ? Kind of , I have a friend . He's a marriage therapist , psychologist .
He has this intake where he asks certain questions . He kind of gets a feel for them . What does that process look like for you ? If a divorced person comes to you and says I need your help , how does that look so you can get more information ? What could they expect when they come to you ?
So what they would expect is first I have to determine if they need coaching or if they need counseling . You know those two are two different ballgames , right . So I have to make sure they're not looking for counseling . That means you got a deeper issue . So I'm not a therapist , I am a coach .
So , first figuring out that , so I'll have a free consultation with the person that will reach out to me and then I will ask some questions , what they're going through , or telling me a little bit about what's going on , and then I can determine at that point if it's deeper than what I can handle , then I will refer them out to a therapist or let them know
that they probably want to contact a therapist for that . Or if it's coaching and they say well , this is where I am , I just need help with getting through the healing process , or how do I handle , what do I do for self-care . So my currently it is at six weeks and I have it broken down into different areas .
So week one is helping through starting the healing phase , mm-hmm . Two is forgiveness . So we're working through the forgiveness phase .
then our next week will be you kind of start from an internal and then work your way out absolutely absolutely .
And then it's self-awareness , because we got to be self right . A lot of us , a lot of us , aren't self-aware to know what's going on . Come on , stay here all day long , right ? A lot of us , a lot of us , aren't self-aware . We're like what ?
I'm not . What did I do that ? No , I don't do that .
No , no yes , so we got to help out with that . Yes , you did do that , so we need to . But if I , I could tell you you did that , but you have to be aware that you did it Right . So we work on self-awareness . Accountability is my main . That's my favorite . That's a good one .
Forgiveness to forgiveness Forgiveness is one of my favorite ways , but accountability is another one . Meditation and also time management . A lot of times we're just ripping and running going whichever direction and we have no time management , so we can't get to a place where we can work on us .
That's true , yeah yeah , so many things pull us in different directions . You got kids , you got grandkids , you got a husband , you got a job , I mean all these things , and then you're like , at the end of the day , you're like I have no time for anything else , I just got to be able to sleep for a few hours that's it .
That's it , and you're absolutely right and that's why we're . That's how I was , I was and that's how it's easy for me to write this curriculum , because I I just put myself in another person's shoes . So how ? What would I want to hear ? What would I want , what would I need to help through this process or help through this journey ?
And that's how I came up with healing . These are attributes . These are things that we have to have . You have got to heal first . A lot of us are not healing . You heard me say I was bleeding in every relationship because I was hurting . I had not healed from the childhood trauma .
I have not healed from all the shame that I was carrying or the fear , or the guilt and all of that . So we have to heal in order to go into another relationship and have a successful relationship .
Yeah , yeah , yeah . If you keep putting things in your backpack , it keeps getting heavier and heavier . By the time you get to where God's trying to lead you to , you'll be too worn out to do what you need to do .
Absolutely , or take you all the way down to your knees . A lot of us are humble enough to get on our knees , but your backpack will take you down to your knees if you get heavy enough .
Sometimes I think God kind of puts his finger on the back of the backpack and brings it on down Like you need it . You ain't getting down there yet , but you need a little help . So name they were six , right ? Name those six one more time .
Yep . So we have healing , we have forgiveness , we have self-awareness , accountability , we have time management and meditation .
Meditation . All all right . So those of you who are watching , make sure you take notes . Uh , lots of good stuff right there . So now let me ask you this now , if somebody obviously you've been there yourself , that is what that is the passion that obviously people watching , they hear it in your voice , they see it in your face .
They , they know you have been to a place that probably for you in those years , felt like the children of Israel . Out there in the desert , wandering around , there is , beyond a shadow of a doubt , people right now in this desert , and they are looking up to the sky and screaming God , where are you ? How did you keep your faith ?
How could someone else be helped to keep their faith in a time of such sorrow ?
And I know it is very difficult and I won't say that it wasn't hard . It was a tough journey . What I can tell people is that it's okay to feel overwhelmed , it's okay to be unsure , because a lot of people think , well , it's not okay , so now they're adding more anxiety to them , but it is okay during this time .
But being in that space , please , I tell people , hold on to your faith , have hope , keep your hope alive . That's another thing . If you lose hope in that faith , the faith is what's going to get you there . What does it say ? Without faith , it's impossible to please God and we need God in this time . He knows it all , he sees it all .
So hold on to your faith , but understand it is natural . It's natural to doubt . We get to a place and we doubt like this is never going to happen for me , this is never going to work out for me .
I don't know what I'm going to do , especially if you're up on a wall and you don't see what's on the other side of the wall and you need God to walk to knock that wall down . But all we see is bricks and we're like God , where are you , where am I , what's happening ? And he's like , just chill out .
A lot of times we want God to like smash through the walls and tear things up so we can get through , but a lot of times he doesn't do it that way . He takes the wall down brick by brick , right .
Come on , that's it right there . That's it , that's it , and um , and so that's the thing I just want people to understand . Hold onto your faith . If you're going through , understand we go through because God is trying to get us to that next level .
He is trying to get us to a place first to heal If you're where I was , to heal first and then you can keep moving . But God , like I stated earlier , is a God of elevation . He wants to elevate us . And let me tell you , the ones who go through the toughest journeys God has a greater reward for you , and it might .
You can't see it , but if you hold on to your faith and know God , I know there's something greater for me on the other side . So , while I'm here , I'm going to trust you and I'm going to tell you . What helped me is Proverbs 3 , 5 through 7 . Trust in the Lord with all thine heart .
Lean not into your own understanding , but in all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path . So , as you're going through this , hold on to that scripture and Hebrews 11 , 1 . I live by that . Now . Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen .
So if you don't see it , you don't feel it , you're like this cannot happen for me right now . I don't see no way . But God says now faith . If you hold on to that faith , now faith right now , you hold , you stay right there and you stand firm on your faith , you're going to get to the other side .
Even when I don't see it , he's working . Even when I don't feel it , he's working , he's working . Come on , I preached a whole message before about facts and feelings . Do not go off of your feelings just because you don't feel . God is there . He is there . The Bible promises he is there and he will show up right on time .
He's not early , right , he's not late , but he's always on time , always on time , always . So , um , now you , you said earlier , you mentioned in the very beginning , you're a , you're a gg , not a grandmother . Uh , yeah , of how many ?
it's a six , four biological and two bonus all right .
So you , you got , you got a busy role , a busy uh whole life , uh multiplying uh . Sports games plays plays band stuff . My goodness , I can't even make my brain fry just thinking about it . So how do you , as a author , a coach , a speaker , speaking of author , do you have books on Amazon or anything like that ? Where can people get your books ?
Just your website .
Yes , they're on my website . They're out on Amazon and they would just look up Divorce but Not Defeated . Or they can search by my name , Marquette L Walker , and it will come up .
Okay , because I thought about asking you that beforehand and I completely forgot . So when I repost this video in the next couple of weeks , every book that you have , the books that you have , there'll be links to it , to the amazon , so they can , they can go there and buy your stuff .
So , uh , make sure you go and check those out . What was it called ?
again it is called divorce but not defeated . Divorce but not defeated . I like that . That's kind of nice ring to it . I'm sure that's why you named it right . How is it that ? Because here , here's one thing those are some of the biggest issues with divorce but not defeated . He's got it in the check .
Your husband's on it again Time management you mentioned in one of those in your six things . So what can you help ? Because I'm one of those people . I almost and it may be a touch of the ADHD , I don't know , but I'm almost one of those people that if I'm not doing something like busy , I feel like I'm not being productive .
Okay , so whatever you say after this , I'm taking notes because I need to hear it . I'm being serious how do you , with all the stuff you're doing , with all the ministries being a wife , being a mother , being a Gigi , like all these things ?
And then you took , graciously , you took time out of your evening to come on a podcast with a guy that you just talked to through a couple of emails Like , how do you balance ? It's one of your six , but how do you get there to where you're healthy in your balance of time ? Because time you never can earn it anymore . It is what it is .
Once it passes , it's gone , it's fleeting , it's there like a vapor . The bible even says that . How can , how can we balance better ?
What are some pointers and some key things that you have found work , because you're a person who has to live this or you're going to go nuts absolutely absolutely well , first and foremost , um , because before that I did have a lot of stuff going on and I was just going crazy Like I can't remember things .
Oh , it's just too much . But I've learned to intentionally talk to God in the morning and say what do you want me to do today ? What do you have for me to do today ? I have this , I have this and , father , you know I have all of this going on , but today , what would you have for me to do ? Today ?
I have this , I have this and , father , you know I have all of this going on , but today , what would you have for me to do ? And trust what he has , and he will tell you a lot of us . We will pray to God . God , what do you want me to do ? But then we start running all over the place and we're not sitting still . We have to sit still in here .
That's why the Bible says about hearing being there . You have to sit intentionally and listen to God , be still , be still so you can hear . So take a few moments in the morning , take about 30 minutes in the morning , and say God , what do you want me to do ? What does my day look like ? I have this , this and this .
And what I've learned when you are intentional about your conversation with God , about your time , I'm telling you he will pan it out for you . He will give you . Let me tell you .
¶ Prioritizing Quality Over Quantity
One day I had like 10 meetings . It's so much . I'm like , oh my God , how am I going to do this ? So the next day I said I have 10 meetings tomorrow . How am I going to do this ? Oh my goodness . So I took my 30 minutes that morning and I was so intentional Father , I have 10 meetings today . How am I going to manage these 10 meetings ?
So I sat there and I listened . About 45 minutes later , three of my meetings were canceled . So three meetings were canceled without me even saying anything . I'm like God , is it that easy ? Is this how it's supposed to go ? I should have done this from the beginning . I should have done this from the beginning . It's all about trusting God in every single thing .
He owns it all . He knows the plans for us . He , he already . Our time is already mapped out . Our stuff is mapped out with him . He just wants include him in everything that we do . Also , he's teaching , prioritizing , being disciplined Also it's discipline .
What is more important , we know family comes first , and then everything else is God , and then it's family , and then it's everything else after that , right , so I'm always keeping God first , then it's family , making sure what we have to do for family . It's all in line . I never was overwhelmed with family stuff . Our boys are well , they're young men .
Now they're 29 and 30 . Now I'm starting . I get we have the smalls . I call them the smalls , they're my bonus babies and they are 10 and 13 . So , yes , now the sports have started , the games . Now I'm feeling it . So I'm sure , listen , I take a nap because I'll be 52 in August , so I have to train .
I got to make sure I'm healthy , right , I need a nap .
I'm sure naps are like . That was like the 12th commandment or something it had to be Right .
It had to be , it had to be . So now , even with them , now , even going forward , I'm still seeking God first . What are we doing today ? It's me and God he's going to tell me . Then the next thing is family . What do we have going on ? We're looking at our calendars . At our calendars , we got this with the boys , this with the boys .
Um , if they're with us during that time , we split time with their mom . So then it's that , and then everything else is second . So if I have time for a podcast , I look at my calendar . I ask my husband he manages my calendar . Babe , do we have time ? Yep , we have time .
If I don't have time , nope , we don't have time , or we'll move it , you know , to a time where I do have it . Not every open door . This is what gets us all off track . Every open door is not a God door . Every open door is not a good door . So that's why we have to seek God first in every single thing that we do .
I tell my people all the time , just because something's good doesn't mean it's good for you Absolutely , absolutely , because something's good doesn't mean it's good for you absolutely . And uh , so my takeaway from what you just said is to not focus on the quantity but focus on the quality .
There you go to , actually , when you're intentional with something , uh , you can't to every yes , there has to be a no to know your limits . Like that's a big one , like . One of the hardest things for me is I'm a yes guy , like I love being involved in people's life , I'm a people person . I just I'll do anything , I'll do everything , let's go , you know .
And then my wife's like , nah , we can't really do that . And I'm like , are you sure ? She's like Steven , you can't do it , there's not enough time . And I'm like , hmm , okay , because when I started this podcast very real scenario I wanted to do one almost every single day . And then I went back and I'm like , okay , well , maybe I could do three a week .
And then I was like okay , monday , wednesday and Friday . And then I'm like , okay , we had a new baby .
And I'm like all all right , the baby comes first , the wife comes first yeah let's do this every Monday , and so I try to stick to every Monday and then sometimes I don't , and to me it has taken so much personal growth for me to say that's okay , it's like , oh , like man , and then , like a podcast like this where I'm interviewing somebody , I can chop it
up and make it into two parts and then you got two weeks right there that I can actually separate it that way , if I need that buffer or there's a lot of other stuff going on .
¶ Finding Hope and Forgiveness Through Struggle
I can say no , it'll be OK . It'll be when I get back .
That's it . It'll be there when you get back . I am just like you . I was just like I'm a yes , come on . Oh , you want me to do that ? Absolutely . I love people . I love people . I want to be in their world , I want them in mine and I'm just like , okay , now I got to pull back because I always wanted to be there . I'm supporting people wherever .
When they're having something going on , I'm there , I was there and I'm like all right , I'm gonna have to pull back , I'm gonna have to say no something .
I have to say no , I'm not 20 anymore yeah , I've taken five or six naps in the day .
It's probably time for me to say something right right so right , uh , as we kind of wrap it up so , so from your perspective , all the marriages , the divorce , the kids , the trauma , the baggage , the wearing that backpack and then going , and you—God kind of brought you out of the desert into the promised land and gave you a ministry .
From your trouble , from your mess-ups , he made a message . I think that's one of the most beautiful things God does in our lives Beyond the cross is he takes that and he says look , you've done this . Now watch what I can do with all the bad you've done . Yes , someone who is right now in the middle of the worst battle of their life Like they .
They're battling depression , anxiety , the , the uh , the weight of being a mother , being a father and and feeling like they're not enough , feeling like they can't do it , feeling like they're struggling .
Obviously , when there's a divorce , there's a split in finances so they may have to move back in with somebody else , that they or they would never go back to their parents' house . And here they are because there was no other option . If they wanted to eat , they had to move back in with somebody .
So what would you , as a woman who has been through it and has learned and gained wisdom . What would you as closing thoughts , how ? What would you say to someone who is in the middle of what you've already walked through ?
the wisdom for them is is , first of all , is have patience . Um , have patience , and not only that , not only having patience , but forgiving yourself . Start up . Let me say , start with that . First , forgive yourself for where you , because a lot of times we internalize and we take it in . And it's me , and now I don't forgive myself .
But we have to start there by first forgiving ourselves . Forgive ourselves for where we are and then having grace , having patience and understand . As long as you're holding on to faith and trusting in God , you're going to come out of it . Do not give in . Don't give in . Do not give up . Stay in the fight . You're going to be okay at the end .
And I'll tell anyone do not throw in the towel , as hard as it may feel or how hard it may seem . Trust me , when you get to the other side , you're going to say I could have went through that again , even though you're like right now oh no , I'll never go through that again . But when you get to that other side , you're like you know what ?
It wasn't so bad after all If I had to go through that to get to where I am now . I will go through it again , but the thing is do not give up hope . Make sure , please give yourself that time . Forgive yourself , spend some time with yourself and understand who you are , so you can be able to forgive yourself and move forward .
That's good . If you're going through that , listen to her . She knows what she's talking about . She understands your pain and everything . The Bible promises this that God works everything for the good of those that love the Lord . Everything , both good , both bad . He will work it for your good .
She , probably in the middle of the desert , did not think that God was going to transform all of the stuff , the baggage , into a ministry . I mean , what a beautiful story , what a beautiful testimony of what the cross can do when you give everything over to God .
¶ Surrender to God for Healing
So any closing thoughts before we close it out for the night , anything else .
Yeah , I'm just going to say just surrender your will and surrender your way to God , Wherever you are , no matter where you are right now . Surrender your will , Because a lot of times we're holding on to our own will , holding on to our own way . Surrender it over to God and let God come in and heal .
The other thing I want to say is let's all pull together , let's heal so we can win .
Amen , amen , marquette , thank you so much for joining me tonight . Thank y'all for joining the live stream . If you haven't yet , please give a thumbs up to this video . Also , make sure you subscribe , go to Facebook , go to Instagram , tiktok to see daily reels and weekly videos .
And make sure on YouTube you hit that bell notification so that you can see every time I put out a new video . Thank y'all so much and I hope that y'all have an amazing rest of your night .