A Spooky Indian Woman Speaks From God To Help Her Get Back To Jesus

But Faith and Failures podcast and our dad , I mean , he like went way , way out and then and our brothers did too , and when we moved out onto that land and we're living in that lane too , it wasn't just we're homeless living in a tent , it was we're homeless on this land , and every criminal , every drug addict , every alcoholic came there .

They knew it was the safest place to party , to run from the law . Run from the law , I mean to hide . You got released from prison . Where'd you get them ? You come out there and hide . You know cause we'll hide . Now , was it yours land ? Yes , oh , okay , yeah , it was just random land . No , it was ours .

It was ours Cause when our mom died it paid the land off , and so at one point in time , after the lane too , my dad had somehow bought this little tiny trailer house that could probably fit in your kitchen here and but we still didn't have any water , electricity and we lived in that and the parties got bigger and more people and I was learning to , I was

trying to survive , I was . I was almost raped twice Once . It got really really close to what there's people out there at the party , yes , yes , and the one that it got really really close with , that man actually did go to prison later on for raping a 13 year old and so , but he was , he was on me and he was .

He had my , my pants down and I was struggling , but a guy that was like a brother to us . You know him , barry Brown . Okay , that was Barry Brown . Yep , he was like he and to this day he's like a brother to me .

He actually came in and seen what was happening and got the guy off of me and said , hey , nobody's supposed to be in the house , I don't know why you're in the house and I supposed to be in the house .

And but I didn't realize at the time God didn't reveal it to me till a couple of years ago that that was the time that I decided , okay , god's not protecting me , nobody's protecting me , I've got to protect myself . And so I went into , I would put on two and three layers of clothes .

I would go into my room when they would have these parties which this trailer house had had those little sliding doors which I mean you could not come off the engine you know what I'm saying .

But I would put up this cot that I had , cause we didn't have furniture , and I would put it up against the door and I would lay in the cot up against the door so that if somebody did come in I would know that they're trying to get in .

I learned to stay up all night and sleep at school and then I was getting in trouble at school because I was sleeping at school . And so don't take shower wars unless you have protection in the house . No , no , no , things like that . I didn't go to other people's houses and take showers because I was scared

. I didn't recently start taking showers in my own home alone until about a year ago when my daughter said I had told her she was leaving and I was like hey see , can you wait so I could take a shower ? And she was like I can't you take a shower if I'm not here ? Yeah , so you never said this to her before . Nobody knew this . No , nobody knew it .

No , I didn't even realize that I was doing it . You suppressed it , you know , until it's healthy .

And I think what happens is , when you live a childhood like I had to live , it becomes your normal , so you don't think of it as a insecurity or a flaw or a I mean , I'm not sure what's wrong or like an unhealthy , like an unhealthy decision to make , or trauma , trauma , maybe trauma . Yeah .

So we make decisions based on the trauma and a lot of times those decisions are not . They're based on fear . So fear doesn't come from the Lord . So the actions that you're taking and that you're raising your children in are not healthy . So it was just a you said something to your daughter about staying there and you clicked yes .

And I was like she said why can't you take a shower while you're here in the house by yourself ? And I was like because somebody might break in . And she's like , yeah , some random persons walking around the house , mom , looking to break in , to come get you out of the shower . And I was like , okay , that does sound a little crazy .

I'm like , okay , see , you can leave , I'll take a shower . Okay , it's right , there's so honest , you know , but you do these kinds of things and I think what happens and this is the beautiful thing about it is through my life , the decisions and choices I made before crossed , before I had him , was who I was .

But when he entered , he slowly begins to clean your life out because he wants me to be closer to him and he can't have me living in fear because I won't take a shower . You know what I'm saying . He's releasing me from the prisons that I've imprisoned myself to try to avoid hurts . You know what I'm saying .

And then I even realized too this is what I was gonna tell you earlier when I was almost raped and I had closed God out because I was like you don't got me . You know , I'm gonna have to get my own self . A year or so ago , about the same time , I realized that God did protect me . That guy did not rape me , he didn't make it .

God sent Barry in to rescue me . It wasn't Barry that rescued me , it was God that rescued me . And so it was like my perspective was wrong .

And God has to change our perspective because we're overcoming , we're healing , and then , through that process , our perspective has to change so that I can go out and do what we're doing now , because there's other children out there who have been raped , who have been neglected , who have been sex traffic , you know , and they need someone to be able to say you

know what that happened to you . But , guys , how I'm used , that you know . You're not broken , your well , romans 828 . You know how God takes things that you know have happened to us , or things that right , and turns those to the good . Yes , you know , and that's what it does . Yes , sanctification .

And I can remember , after all , that you know being 13 and I can . I tried to kill myself .

I actually took the razor blade , I've done it the long way , the right way , and Blood started coming out and I started freaking out and I was putting toilet paper on it , I was wrapping a sock around it and I was crying because I was just like you know what God ? Huh , I don't make cry about it , but I'm healed from it .

But it , when I talk about it , it's beautiful , you know , because I can see where I was and where I am now . But I can remember thinking you know , god , if you just get me out of here , you know I'll serve you for the rest of my days and he sent Aaron , which we did go about it the wrong way . We got pregnant and we got married .

Well , you didn't say you would serve him perfectly , sister , right , right , and I still feel it's all right to get down . This war was always a dude . But like I was reading the Old Testament and I like , holy crap , how can they keep track of all this stuff ? Yes , yes , there's no way . Yes , thank you , chief , are you talking about me ?

I'm so glad you love me , lord . Yes , I am . Yes , I'm so glad that we live under grace , oh , yeah , and not the law , because I failed , me too , I've not been a very good Gentile , and so we Feel better . I know that's right , yeah , yeah .

But then I mean , I can remember those words so plainly because once I got out of it , me and Aaron did not put God where he was supposed to be I was like , oh , I'm out , I'm free , and here's my night and trying to learn . We can just live life away . We want to .

Well , I didn't realize that Aaron was an alcoholic , okay , so I just thought we drank together . Well , when I got pregnant , I quit drinking , because I just done it , because I hated my life and I wanted to die . You know , I thought , well , he can just give it up to . Well , he couldn't , he liked it for whatever reason .

And I can remember telling him , cuz it's real and I don't need a rupture , yeah , but it's like , oh gosh , I just can't see beautiful , yeah , see , anyway . Well , he , where she said , you know , okay , beat on , join on . And she didn't finish the word .

I did , yeah , and so I can remember telling Aaron I feel Satan is honest , we need to get in church , we need it . And this is when Selena is probably about 34 champion , a little older at time . It's kind of no , it was about that time , cuz we're members , she's in kindergarten , yeah , when you went to , yeah , wherever it was .

So I told Aaron that and he said I'm not going to church and I'm out where , just not . And so I was like , okay , well , fine , then I'll just join you . So then I started drinking with you . Well , then I started going across the street because at this time we were living in that trailer house that my dad had gotten , but we had water and electric .

Then , yeah , and my dad had a trailer house across the way and I would go over to my dad's house to smoke weed with my dad . And then it escalated to this was back when AOL was a big thing . Yeah , I remember those days , okay , and I had gotten on there and started chatting next thing you know , moving me and my child .

Oh , how I have an affair on Aaron in the whole time I'm telling her look , you're married , you can't run with single people . Yeah , it's just not gonna work . Yeah , it's two different . What ? Yes , yes , well , they're not . Yeah , then I come back and I moved my two cousins in to the house with us that are single .

We started going clubbing and drinking and partying . You've moved back through an old Indian woman that had tarquoise jewelry , which was something that the Lord worked through at that time . At that very moment , I moved back because of that reason . Yes , yes , when I was in Ohio , I had went to a little store and it was like a .

It looked like a little wooden shack , but it was a little old store . I had went in there and I was just looking around . I love how God works . I was just watching these , my love . This little Indian woman had come out , which Indians mean a lot to me because I come from Cherokee Indians and that's just . I'm in all of them .

Our mother loved turquoise . Yes , she did . She had to ring on every finger that was turquoise . This little lady come out . She had to ring on every finger that was turquoise . The little lady . She had come up and she handed me this cross necklace that had a stone in the middle of it . That was turquoise .

She said I want you to put this on and I want you to go home . I said what this lady did not know my sister . She said I know you're running from something . It was the whole thing . I know it was total God , because she said I know you're running from something and I know you're not where you belong .

I want you to take this cross , put it on your neck , and I want you to get your kid and I want you to go home where you're from . She didn't read your AOL . Okay , thank you , that's right . Get the money , yeah , and I mean I was just like okay , so I loaded up Selena , we got in that truck and we left and I came home .

It took two years of beating myself up . I didn't .

I came back to Aaron , but I believe it is the imprisonment of shame and guilt but I moved out of our trailer house and I moved into a house in town and Aaron would come all the time whenever he was at home from work because he worked out tail , and he would say I love you , I just want to get back together .

And I would tell him I don't love you , I just want you to leave me alone . Because at that time , okay , my Aaron , first off , was the only man that I'd ever been with intimate . He was the one and only . So when I had that affair , it crushed me . I couldn't even believe that I'd done it . I cried the whole time . I couldn't even believe I'd done it .

But it's like when you're in a whirlwind . You know what I'm saying . You don't know how to get out . And he forgave me instantly , wanted me to come back instantly . I couldn't forgive myself . You get out the way Peter got out .

You know what I'm saying when he stepped out of that boat and he started to sink and Jesus said , basically , focus on me , that's how you get out of , whatever the . But at the time you don't know that . Faith and Thalia's podcast .