Naughty Elf On The Shelf

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that the Queen of Extreme Francine sent you. All Right, well we'll continue the festive week here atrea on the Eyes of Beer Extra. I'm out of my very festive attire with the beard and the hat that was on the regular eyes up here. But he's the worst. He's the worst everyone. I am staying in character because that's what I do. That's how I am. You're dedicated to the craft I am, and it's itchy as hell. I'm so itchy right now, much like I am. As it

relates to the Elf on the shelf. Have I told you about this in years past, about the elf on the shelf in this house. You might have, but I don't remember. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. Your kids love it, huge deal, you know what huge huge. Now, whether or not one of them is putting it on at this point to their surprise, where it goes every day, that's not for me to speculate. But you have to talk with me. No, it's talk to Maddie. I'm sure

they have. But she's got a good poker face. Okay, but she has never come to you instead, not a word, okay, not a single word. And you know, my creativity of not doing anything around people is still also very stealth. So the elf is alive and well here right, But there's this like underbelly of people who do very nasty things with the elf on the shelf, of them doing like you know, it's just funny stuff. But I'll show you an example of like the funny things that I

do with with the the elf. Have you ever forgotten to move your elf? Yes? And holy crap, you've never seen somebody move so fast to get it caught? No, never remember, even like like a week ago, I had to like make the mad dash to to move it at like four fifty eight in the morning, because I've got do you like, what are the rules, like, when do you have to put it up? Comes Thanksgiving morning? Oh God, you of this ship, and then is gone by Christmas day. Jesus. Now I never did that for

my kids. I couldn't be bothered with that. This is a commitment, okay, Like, it's not just like you wake up and go, oh, let's just do that. And he's creepy looking too, he's weird looking. I don't want that in my house. Well, let me show you some of the wholesome things that we do with healthy Okay, it's tried. In the pole. He's hanging on a chandelier. You know what Liz said said it looks like Miley Cyrus, same deal, same thing. So there you go. Wholesome. Right, here's another one. Look,

he's in a Christmas tree. In the tree. That's pretty. He's just chilling right looking at you like I dare you to say something. Yeah, he's wearing a necklace that one of the girls made. Okay, you know where's that every year? Yeah, there he is. He's in the coffee bar. Okay, it's got the candy cane. Chilling in a coffee bar innocent, okay until somebody comes along. Literally, it's just a Google search. All right, here's one of my favorite ones that I've

seen so far. Let me pull this guy out. Is this an article or did you go searching for these? I went searching for an article and just went down the rabbit hole of the Google images and they they'll have you dieing. Okay, oh Jesus, all right, here's here's the first one. Okay, tell me if you can see this guy? So I, oh, oh, you see this one in the corner. I see some some cocaine blood coming out of Barbie's nose. So I think Barbie is portraying a dead hooker in this one. Yeah, and there's a

there's a couple of lines of a white substance. One can only speculate. It's also in a mirror, but Barbie seems to be dead. Barbie's bleeding. Uh, maybe the nose or the mouth area. I go to bring it in a little closer so we could see. Wow. Is do you want your kid to find that on Christmas morning? I do not here? You go here it is? I don't believe it's Yeah, and look at look at his face? He's like, yeah, I did that. He's like, just look at his face. Don't don't sweat it, man, you know,

stuff happens. Good lord, there's a good there's actually a good lineup on this one. I'm gonna keep going with these. Right, here's another one. What is that? Oh? Ohis this this one? This is there's a meme of this one. It says, this is how peanut butter cookies or what do they call peanut butter kiss Uh huh. I like those cookies. But that's a cute one. I like that one. It's a little turty. That's a little turty. All right, let me get another up here. These are just I'm telling you,

these just tickled me and for us being so innocent. Oh, here's a good one. You'll enjoy this. I think you'll enjoy this one. It's the Elf and Chucky Cheese grading a marshmallow or snowman into marshmallow, snowball marshmallow things. Okay, all right, here's the wrecking ball that's like mine. Yeah, but that's the girl elf. Oh they have a girl version too, so they have a boy elf. Yeah, they have a girl elf. And as my little one would say, they have a brown skinned elf. Okay, so they have

all different kinds of elves for all different kinds of people. Gotcha. Oh, here's sweaty balls. Oh that was that skit when Satna night Lie was hilarious. I loved it. Look at that. That's great. That is a good one. This is some detail to the barbie. Here, this is customizing. They cut her hair like the girl. Now, I've seen many a Francine figure customized. I wonder if they could turn you into this kind of barbie. You know they turned they

turned into sweat balls. Well I didn't. I mean, I know my action figure didn't have real hair, so I don't. I don't know. But that's a that's a great one. Oh it's his photo copy. There's always that one guy at the Christmas party who photocopies their asshole on the on the printer. So there it is nice. Oh ouch, Jesus, what is he? What is that cutting? Cutting the cat's tail, cat's face. He's like, what is going on? So that's been the other obstacle to your cat is keeping the

cat away from the elf. And it did. And the older one doesn't know this, only only me and the little one. She did knock him over over once she was standing there, which he was. The elf was on top of the TV speaker and he also has costumes, so he was wearing like hard plastic pants, right, So he's standing straight up, and the cat decided it was time to jump up on the speaker and knocked him over behind the thing. And Brite was like, no, oh no,

because if you touch him, he loses his magic. So I say yes, So I said, I'm gonna get a little little sheet, little cover, and I'm just gonna grab by the pants. I'm gonna put him up and I didn't touch him. That worked. There's so many rules with this stupid elf. I will do anything to keep this childhood alive. Listen, did your cat interfere with your tree? The cat has climbed, so we have a we have a nine foot tree and the cat has got I would say about four and a half feet up. Did

he knock any balls off? No? No, no, that's the tree where it's just like has like little like ribbons and nothing like priceless. Our downstairs tree is the tree where we have all the kid ornaments and stuff. Gotcha, So that one she's not allowed down here at all. So I've seen cats who like they just get in the middle of the tree and like all the ornaments are all over the floor. And I was like, I wonder if she got anywhere near or inside knock on wood.

Oh wow, well yeah, but that's it to the first or second night that we put the big tree up, she got about four four and a half feet up and we got her down. But we also broke out the spray gun for the first time, and she books it when she sees that. Yeah, we used to spray our cat when I was a kid. My mom would have the water bottle thing. Yeah. Yeah, they'd run like hell and tell me if this is mean. I also to get her out from behind the tree because she

hides back there. I play cat noises, like it sounds that attract cats. Does that mean I'd be yelled to cats to get them to come to me? But like it's it's like, no, it's like baby distressed cat. Like yeah, it's like it's like running out looking like oh, and then you grab her, grab her by the neck and we put her in. We put her in a cage. Oh that's mean. Why we creturined her? When she's in trouble.

She goes in a cage. It's like a dog. All right, I'm sure you've seen many of this happening in a uh locker room, locker room or travel on the road. I'm sure you've seen the boys pull this prank before the shaving of the head. Mostly it was eyebroils, but you get the picture. Yes, absolutely, god, I'm sure many an eyebrow have been shaved in your time, not mine, thank god. But yes, this is also along the line. Okay, gotcha, it's stupid. Yeah, I've seen worse where they're naked, bent

over and oh we can get that sitting on Barbie's face. Oh, here you go like this. Oh that's ghost, that's re enacting ghosts. Yeah, that's ghost. Yeah that's cute. Rather buxom doll. Yeah another all right, another snowman. All right, let me get it. Hang on, let me get those naughty ones back in your hell. Okay, yeah, they're the funny ones where they're dirty dirty. Oh, here we go. There's a good one. Dick in the box. Yeah, that's cute, you the box. All right, let's see we get here they

do get creative. Oh this is killing this is killing it. All, it's easier if you don't struggle. And they're smothering some sort of doll in it looks like root loops or something. Yeah, that's weird, trying to kill her. I watched some I watched some interesting Christmas horror movies over the last week or so. Good. Oh yeah, they're old school, they're from the eighties. The Plex Library has been very good to me. Yeah, we're glad you're enjoying it. Oh, I love it. I

think about you guys all the time. You have no idea. All my children think of of Hubs as the man with the Golden Library. Oh he's laughing because they go, you know, is this movie on Plex? I'm like probably, And if not, well that's why. You know, we couldn't find jingle all the way. We were a little peeved, but we got it was there. It was there. Okay, how about this one. He's got the money on a baby food jar. So it's a Monster High doll that is stripping on it looks like uh, paper towel rack.

They Monster High dolls have four makeup. They are super hory. They really are not to be outdone though by Rainbow High. Okay, and also Shadow high. I've never heard of those. Are they the next generation? Or oh yeah, my daughter never really got into that kind of stuff, so super hory. And look at what what did dick Ball say? Look at dick Ball says me and my sugar daddy. And this one says fuck not her. Monster high was my fuck not her. My monster high was my thing back

when I was little. Oh what the hell is this one? Oh? Yeah, threesome in the hot tub. Did you see that? Look down there and naked? Whoa wait, wait, this one is Look this elf is doing the fart trick and the soot is all on the other ELF's face. Because far this is okay? Right, here's one. No, it was on the last. This one is that that's dick in the box. That's the dick in the box one where they were all in the hot tub together. There is the final jack and two broads. That's great. And see like this

is one that I can't get behind. M what is a dead? Yes? They ate them. Yeah, I don't like that. It's about the kids. Hey, how weird is this on the bottom? This is my why does it Pinterest? As I say, is this Facebook? Because that was my Facebook profile picture? But I guess that's Pinterest, don't didn't. I didn't know I had a Pinterest account. I don't use Pinterest. That's uh. I gotta say a little a little questionable me.

It's weird. That's a little weird. And last one here, I don't know that we've seen elf on the shelf, but have you seen snoop on a stoop? But that's great, you should use it next year. Snoop on the stoop. He's got a big split in his mouth. Yeah, yeah, it's the real thing. And he's just chilling. Look at this guy just making money. He hand o her foot with this ship, isn't he? Wow? Next to a goose? Look at them? Yeah, look at this goose. I don't know what the goose here. He's just he's just Snoop

on the stoop looking a joint next to a goose. Yeah, he's got that. He's a Stewart doll to be next to him, and they just you know, oh, here she is, she's right here. Look at that. There's also a Jewish one and I just can't remember what the name of it is. A Jewish like a Jewish Elf on the shelf during honka. I suppose it's what the hell is not like hannakhah, Harry, it's something. Oh man, that's gonna kill me. Now I'll find it at some point. Okay.

Interesting mention on a bench? That was it? Mention on a bench? What's a mench? A mensch is a Jewish word? Yeah? Or like yeah, I think it's old man or like like you know, not idiot, but I don't know, so yeah, it might be old man. But mench on a bench? Nice? Okay? Interesting? You think kids get into mens on a bench like they do this? I can't work. I think we're tonight as we're recording. This is the second night of Hanukkah? Is it? Well? Happy Honkah? If you're watching, you remember

when the Honka song was like a huge deal. Yes, I do not know. Adam Sandler was Jewish and so when he started singing that song, I was like, this is weird. Why is he singing this song? And then I was like, oh, he is a Hebrew. But what happened to that? It was all over the place like ten years ago and before it is. Yeah, it's a it's not new and hip like it was before, but it's still there. No, so she's trying to say I'm old. Well you know no, yes, oh okay, you and me, both,

you and me both. You know young at heart? Right? Is that what we say? Young at heart? That's what we are. Look at us sitting here in a costume, and we're always young at heart. But it's a good Those things are fun. I think that this is a next year. I hope people spread the word, like in town, about me, because I would do little things around if they need a Santa in a pinch. Well, this year, you waited too long to inquire. Yeah I did because I only had it for like really two and a

half weeks. Yeah you wait you yeah. Next year, well, I would like before Thanksgiving. I would go around and be like, hey, I'm available, like at the beginning of November, because you know, Santa comes out right Thanksgiving weekend there. Yeah, so you want to do any appearances with Santa Claus next year, I have the costume. I mean, if they want to come on, I'm not sitting to make it. We make a killing here. No, no, no, you'd be the olf I can be. I can be this sidekick. Yeah,

we'll travel all around. I'll be your sidekick instead of you be mine. That's true. That's very true. So I mean, and you already told me all the people that were asking about me this past weekend are asking for me. That was a zero zero. Oh, she's just playing. All right, Well, we'll get out of here for today. The eyes up here extra, go move your elf on the shelf before you forget for the Queen of Extreme. This is the Chad Stir. We'll catch you on the flip side. Hey,

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