Giant Ground Sloth

Native peoples of South America tell stories passed down through generations of a giant hairy and pungent beast that was impossible to kill. Weighing as much as an elephant and towering as high as a Giraffe, it roamed where pleased, threatening any unfortunate foe with its giant razor sharp claws. This mysterious animal was a giant ground sloth and it wasn't a myth. It was real. Welcome to extinction event, a podcast about extinct animals.

Thanks Melissa. I like being on all the episodes so far.

You're our cohost, you're listed in the show title as a cohost, so,

oh, I got a promotion. This is great. I'll add it to my resume.

I hear that you are also quite slothful at times.

Oh, roasted, right off the bat who isn't? It's probably the best of the seven deadly sins. Slothfulness maybe tied with Gluttony, but they go hand in hand

of all the sins. I feel like it's the least

sinful?

yeah, sinful.

Well, I bet everybody's kind of adopting that stance now that binging has become so popular in just acceptable to stay inside and watch a screen for, you know, a dozen hours or so.

Well, another way to say it would be the same way my therapist refers to it, which is me time self care. It's called self care time.

Well, that's one way to frame it. Yeah.

So before we get into it, I have a fun little fact for you.

What's that hit me?

Did you know that the giant ground sloth was one of the first extinct animals that we ever discovered.

What

they were as popular as dinosaurs were you know before we had discovered dinosaurs.

They were dinosaurs before there were dinosaurs

Right, you would be able to purchase pajamas that had giant ground sloths on them

all over your lunch box. They were trying to develop a action franchise around a park full of them.

Giant sloth park. Wow. I mean, it's nice to know they were so popular back in the day. Obviously that's not the case anymore.

Their cousins are still very popular.

That's true. Yeah.

Tiny cousins.

Yeah. Um, one more thing, I might have embellished that opening just a little bit.

What?

It likely used its claws for digging and pulling down high tree branches to get the best leaves and to defend itself from other predators, but it's not going out and hunting down and eating those animals because it's a vegetarian.

You did make it seem like it was a big blood thirsty carnivore and that seems to be not the case.

No, it was not. It was a lovable herbivore. The giant ground sloth inhabited South America starting around 35 million years ago. Then around 8 million years ago, some of them moved up to North America. This was a time of giant beasts. The megafauna. We've got animals like mammoth, giant beavers, dire wolves, the saber tooth tiger. These creatures dominated the landscape. The ground sloth was no exception. The very largest ground sloth, the megatherium could weigh more than 13,000 pounds.

Well, you know, Melissa, a lot of people don't know this, but Clifford, the big red dog is actually based on this time period of megafauna.

Okay.

Yeah. There's a lot of, um, you know, kind of fan theories that he is actually a clone of a giant red dog that was found frozen in an ice cap.

Wow. I did not know that. That's fascinating, Jack. I mean it makes a lot of sense though because the giant ground sloth was also really hairy like Clifford was.

Was he red?

I don't think he was a redhead, but they were probably harry little buds back in the day.

It's a carnivore.

That's true. They probably weren't friends. Maybe he was having to defend off Clifford from attacks.

He absolutely did you could read it in my fan fiction.

Well, moving on. A big creature like the ground sloth probably didn't have a ton of enemies, but some carnivorous megafauna like the saber tooth tiger, maybe clifford the big red dog might have gone after them from time to time. Luckily they had some pretty nifty built in defense mechanisms. Some ground sloths had something called dermal ossicles. These are small pebble leg bones embedded in the skin, they're also found in reptiles and it gave them a natural armor.

And in the case of Clifford, they used the giant rolled up newspaper as a deterrent.

Yeah. I wonder if this was to protect against like saber tooth tigers biting them or if it was literally just having thicker skin. Because let's face it, sloths we're probably getting bullied a lot. You're big, you're pretty slow moving and it's really hairy. These are all characteristics of a, you know that kid in middle school who was sitting alone at the corner of the gym. Having thick skin is going to be a huge advantage.

Yeah. Huge advantage. And as we know, they could have used their claws to scare off predators and they could also rise up on their hind legs to look more intimidating. Have you ever seen those videos online of the anteaters standing up on their hind legs with their arms out. It's like their threat stance.

Yes. This is the you're describing like the come at me bro anteaters.

Yes, it is hilarious. If you have not seen those, please look it up. Just do anteater. Come at me, bro or anteater arm stance. I love that video. It's so silly.

I like it because he pops up, he's using his tail to kind of balance, pops up and sticks his arm out and he's like, what, what, what are you going to do? What? And it's, it's just, it's everything that you do when you don't want to fight and but you still want to act hard and you're like, come on, come at me bro. Come on. Hold me back. Hold me back.

Yeah. It seems like it might have been an early precursor to a drunken frat boy, but that's not the only reason they would stand up like that. It wasn't just like a ice age show of testosterone. They also had this tail similar to an anteater's, probably, and they would rise up, use that tail to make a tripod and pull down branches that are really high up and get the best leaves.

The most choice leaves.

The choicest of the choice.

And if you have the means, I highly suggest.

The giant ground sloth is in the same taxonomic super order as modern tree sloths, armadillos and anteaters, and they seem to share a lot in common with those modern day cousins. The armor of the Armadillo, the claws of the tree sloth, and the ability to walk on all fours or rise up on the hind legs like an anteater does.

So let me just check the boxes here. It's the size of an elephant. It can stand up to be as tall as the giraffe. Has like armor skin. It's really hairy and has huge mega claws. Is that about right?

And...

And it sounds like a big nerd.

Well, this isn't gonna help that. But part of the legends passed down through South American storytelling, spoke of the pungent, putrid smell of the beast.

Okay, so now you've just completed me entering middle school and I'm starting to feel a real kind of spiritual connection with the giant ground sloth at this point. If you put him in some sweatpants and a, give them a personal pan, little Caesar's pizza and sit him in the corner of the gym at lunch. Yeah. This is about my spirit animal right now. This poor animal is just like constantly in puberty.

Yeah. Its only defense is to just stand up and put his arms out.

What? Do it!

Tough times for the ground sloth.

It gets better. For me at least I don't know about the ground sloth. Actually, I know for the ground sloth that it does not get better.

So these guys died out a long time ago. How do we know anything about them besides these weird stories from the South Americans?

Besides of the dreams I keep having where I am one of these walking through the forest and a couple other mega fauna come up and tie my shoes together and I trip.

Most of what we know about the giant ground sloth is through their bones and Coprolite. Coprolite is petrified poop and they left a lot of it behind. Paleontologists excavating caves with sloth remains have found piles of it. Which leads me to believe that caves might have been prehistoric Porta potties.

It makes a lot of sense. You're protected on three sides, just like a regular porta pottie, and uh, they may or may not have been shoved in there by some other fauna, and locked from the outside. The paleontologists in there, and you see here on the head the intricate swirling pattern of the hair. This was an early swirlie. Definitely bullied by other animals in the kingdom. I'm going to guess like they got a lot of wedgies and maybe even atomic wedgies.

What's an atomic wedgie?

Atomic Wedgie is where you get such a huge wedgie it rips your underwear and I believe the waistband has come up over your head. And then for it to come over your head and you're going to have to rip your underwear.

It's only a matter of time before we uncover the remains of a ground sloth that has the underwear intact and we could prove this theory once and for all. Analysis of dung balls show that they ate a variety of plants. Things like agave, Yucca, Joshua tree, cactus and grasses of various kinds.

Melissa, I'm going to stop you right there. Don't you have something you need to be sharing as far as dung news.

Uh, this is very exciting. If you visit the extinction event twitter, that's at extinction pod on twitter, there's going to be a photo of dung balls on there that the Smithsonian Institute gave us permission to use.

Well, specifically gave you because you wrote in and asked.

Very exciting. I'm the only person on twitter asking for permission to use other people's images. It's a really cool photo. I don't even think these were from a particularly big ground sloth even because they came in a variety of sizes ranging from 200 pounds to 13,000 pounds. So who knows? This could have been from a 500 pounder, but even it's just massive. It's amazing. Go to the twitter and look at these things.

Carry on.

So we found a variety of things in these dung balls. We know that they have really good taste because one of the things we've found is avocado pits. The enormous digestive system they had could process the large avocado seeds and this helped to spread it across the continent. In fact, if humans hadn't come along and developed a taste for avocados, it might've gone extinct along with the ground sloths, which means no Guacamole, which means

No reason to live. Uh, quick story time. Okay. One time I was at a backyard barbecue thing and there was a giant bowl of guacamole with some rather large scooping chips. Right. The scoops ones. I get in there and I really dig. I see a big chunk. I think it's like, you know, good guacamole, it's still kind of chunky, it's not liquid.

I guess

In my preference. So I see this one and I dive in and I get a pretty big chunk and I put the whole thing in my mouth and instantly I realized that I have an entire avocado pit in my mouth. And I, okay, it's not a giant pit. It's not what you're thinking. You know, it's not the size of a golf ball. It's slightly smaller, but it's all the way of my mouth.

Why?

I just scooped and went for it. I don't know. I had a couple of drinks. Who knows?

I hope, I hope, cus...

But there's no way that's going through my digestive system.

I'm trying to visualize it. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt here.

I'm not proud of it. It happened.

Well, I hope you learned a lesson.

It's another way that me and the giant ground sloth have...it's like reading an autobiography.

Thank you for sharing that story. Um, wow.

Extinction event is sponsored by mammoth bar. Mammoth bar is a certified organic food bar that's low in sugar, high in protein, and no weird stuff. Melissa, what's something weird that's in food

Mayonaise.

Excellent. There's no mayonaise in these bars, that I know of. Uh, there's vanilla almond, cashew cinnamon, Goji Berry trail mix, and Macadamia coconut, you've tried all these. Which ones you're favorite.

I've tried all of them. I love them all.

You can't say you love them all. You got to have one favorite. These aren't your children, they're a food bar. You can play favorites nobody's feelings are going to be hurt.

Goji Berry trail mix.

You're going to pick that over macadamia coconut. I can't believe you.

Here's the thing, I love macadamias because they're so expensive, but I love the Goji Berry trail mix.

Great. Uh, they are free from harmful additives. It's just a cleaner and more nutritious bar. And uh, here's something, you don't keep them in your just regular pantry. You put them in the fridge. That's how fresh the ingredients are.

Hey Jack, you know what's weird? It's weird. That mammoth bar hasn't sent me any bars to try.

They have sent you bars to try. What's weird is that you're lying about it.

I'm out of bars is what I'm saying. I could use another shipment of bars.

Well, just go into mammoth bar dot Com. You can pick out which flavor you want and click order and they'll ship it to your house where you live or maybe you're at work and you want it shipped there because it's a good snack to have at work when you're feeling hungry.

Okay, so mammoth bar dot Com.

You know how much they cost? Free. Just kidding. You have to pay money, but they are gluten free, dairy free, soy free, so in a way, they kind of are free.

They are free.

No fillers.

You know what it's not free of?

What?

Twelve grams of protein.

You're right, it's packed with it.

Well cool. Thank you. Mammoth bar.

No weird stuff.

Okay, so we have these big cuddly vegetarians that got picked on by ice age bullies every now and then, but they seem to be thriving for millions of years. Then around 10,000 years ago, they all disappear. Even the other mega fauna. So what happened to these giants? The truth is what happened to the giant ground sloth, and this is kind of a bummer, is still a mystery. We do have some clues though about what might have happened. Theory number one, climate change.

Hum, sounds like another Chinese climate change hoax to me. What was the second one?

Theory number two, extra terrestrial impact. Exploding stars or comments impacted the earth and disrupted our ecosystem. This theory seems to stem from the common theory about how the dinosaurs went extinct. While this is entirely plausible, there's really no evidence to support it.

Hey, if it worked for dinos, why not?

Well, with the dinosaur impact that caused the extinction of the dinosaurs, there is a lot of geological evidence to support it. In this case, we don't have it

When have facts ever needed to be present to actually believe a theory?

There are many other theories out there, but I will share with you one more: humans did it. The Clovis people who crossed the bering land bridge into North America could have led to the demise of the giant sloths. Their arrival roughly coincides with the extinction of the ground sloth who was thought to be an easy target because it fed in open fields and was relatively slow.

Oh, here it is, huh? Relatively slow. Here comes the ultimate bully, the super jock known as humans, and they see this big stumbling, stinky nerd and can't help themselves. Typical. Next thing you know, he's stealing his lunch money and taken all his avocados.

Well, good news for your spirit animal. Turns out there's not a whole lot of evidence to actually support this theory. Why? Well, the Clovis people weren't the first people to enter North America. Sites now date human remains to far earlier than that. Also, no remains of giant sloths have ever been found in clovis people's sites. There is evidence that humans ate them. We found cut marks on the bones of fossils that were left by manmade tools.

Land of enchantment

Green Chili. What's up?

What, what

Um, and it looked like some humans we're chasing three ground sloths. But really we don't have any way of knowing whether these instances are showing that we've been scavenging them or hunting them. You know, we don't know what happened at the end of that chase. We don't really know if those cut marks were from an animal that had already died.

Was there any petrified spitballs or perhaps their homework was strewn about, knocked out of their hands.

I have to get back to you on that. Well, whether it was the harsh climate of a changing planet, an assassins meteor sent from the stars, or a good old fashioned avocado-fuelled human killing spree. In the end, the result was the same. Total annihilation of the species. Thanks for playing giant ground sloth. Maybe one day we'll figure out the mystery of your demise.

Game over.

So we might not know what happened to the giant ground sloth. But we do know what happened to their tiny relatives, the tree sloths. They survived and they have permanently smug smiles to prove it. This week on countdown clock to extinction, the pygmy three toed sloth.

Can I stop you? What makes you think they're so smug?

Have you seen that smile? Come on.

I don't get smug from that.

I don't know I just look at them and I feel like they know something I don't.

Well that could be the same look as someone who just farted and is waiting for you to smell it. That's kind of the look I get from them.

Exactly. Is that not smug?

I guess so, yeah a little bit.

So these pygmy three toed sloths, they're really tiny. They only live in this one area where they have a forest that is around two square miles and illegal logging of that forest along with hunting and human encroachment is leading to their demise. At last count they were down to just 79 slots.

I mean 79, if that's just in two square miles then it kind of seems like a lot. Right?

Yeah, actually it does seem like a lot.

Just imagine if you like, there were 79 dogs within two miles, you'd just be like, there's dogs everywhere!

I also like how human encroachment is another reason for them being in decline. It's like, yeah man, they're cute and tiny. A pygmy anything is going to lead to human encroachment. Miniature version of any animal I want in on it.

It's the hug of death. Come here. Let me give you a squeeze. That's what we do to animals.

It is. Well, good luck, pygmy three toed sloth. I wish you weren't so cute. So we talked about a giant sloth and a pygmy sloth. Are you up for some mildly interesting regular sloths facts, since we have some time?

Yes. How do I subscribe?

So you know that tree sloths get a bad rap for being slow and lazy. Turns out they're not all that lazy, actually. They only sleep 10 to 14 hours a day. Koalas, a truly lazy animal, sleep 20.

So why isn't Koala one of the seven deadly sins?

That is a good point.

Repent from your Koala-like ways.

They only have four hours a day where they have to be held accountable for anything on that schedule.

Oh, that's the dream.

Right?

Hit me back, uh, in this window from one to five o'clock. I'm busy.

Their slow pace not only saves energy, but it's also their main defense system. It serves this camouflage from their main predators, which are Jaguars, Pumas and Harpy Eagles. These predators can't see them because they're moving too slow.

That's how I kind of fight those traffic cams, is that I'll just slowly creep through the intersection so the camera doesn't pick me up.

It's actually funny you mentioned that because the sloths do the same thing with motion sensor cameras that scientists put out to try and observe them. They're just moving too slow and they don't take photos of them.

I love it. Like they have existed for millions of years by doing as little work as possible. So great. I love the slot.

That's the smug smile, dude. They've got it all figured out.

You're right. And they deserve to be that smug.

They're good at swimming, which I forgot to mention earlier, also the, they think some ground sloths were good swimmers as well.

That seems to contradict the super smelly part. If they were taking baths.

That's true, but think about middle school students. They're taking a lot of showers, aren't they?

For different reasons. Wink.

Okay. I love this next fact. Sloths come down once a week to poop.

Well, maybe that's the one thing that's really carried through since the days of the giant ground sloth.

The ground. Yes.

That's him really connecting with this primal past. Going down there for one glimmering second, dropping a deuce and remembering his days as a giant.

Yeah. This one's for my homies.

Yeah. Pour one out, I'm gonna poo one out for my homies.

Alright, final little fact about the tree sloths. They can die and just stay affixed to a branch in that position, indefinitely.

So wait. They can just die wall hanging onto a branch and just rot there.

Yeah. Their claws are hooked onto the branch they're just affixed there, I assume until they become, bones?

So out there in the forest right now there's just, yeah, jangly bones of sloths just dangling from branches. Somewhere some poor guy's like on a hike and and a sloth skeleton drops down in front of him. Eh he he he! Like a haunted house.

Oh my God. I love slots. They're joking around even in death. They had one more mystery.

I wouldn't mind that, it's like, hey, when I die, put my body up in a tree. Then one day it'll just fall out of the sky and really freak people out.

You know what? I'm into that too. That's hilarious.

That's all I want.

Would you know what tree though? Would your family be able to like go over to that tree and...

I don't care. Wherever. I just want my head to like fall out of the tree when someone's having lunch. A nice picnic.

Oh, okay.

And then my head comes off. Eh he he he! Mr. Jangly bones.

All right. That about does it. Thanks for tuning in to extinction event. If you'd like to learn more about the giant ground sloth or how you can help the pygmy three toed sloth visit extinction event on twitter at extinction pod. Thanks for listening. Next time on extinction event, the giant Galapagos tortoises of Pinta island and their most famous resident, lonesome George.