Decoding Character Traits: Mastering the Art of Reading People

Now I'm gonna just share several of the principles with you not all of them , but some that that stuck out , was stuck out with me , and the reason why is Because , as Fayfield entrepreneurs , we're building our businesses . We come in contact with people all day long . I mean , business is all about relationship .

That's what I've explained to my kids , like , if you want to be in business , you need to be awesome at relationship . You don't have to have a business degree , you don't have to even know numbers and all that kind of stuff , the technicalities of business . You have to be awesome at relationships , of course .

Then I would say the next best thing is to know how to systemize . So Be awesome at relationships , know how to systemize . So right now , we're gonna focus in on relationships , because accurately evaluating the character of others is one of your most valuable skills .

Okay , so the thing is is that everybody has positive and negative character traits , you know I mean even Disney that they show villains , that that show remorse , like there's a positive character trait of a villain , right ? So the question is how are we going to be able to evaluate ? Because we need to hire people . Some people want to partner with us .

We know that there are certain clients we need to say yes to and certain clients we need to actually say no to , to whatever extent that you can Evaluate their character and the time that you spend with them .

Here are a few ways that will help you understand their character and will help you understand it quickly , and here's one of the things that David and I do . If somebody has ever wanted to partner with us or we want to go into a new initiative with someone , one of the first things that we do is we want to meet their spouse . Okay , that would .

I would say . That's trait number one , like who did they marry ? What do they like ? Of course I you know this is Jason speaking and David will be with us in just a second . I've got a marriage podcast that I do . It's beauty in battle . If you haven't listened to it , go check it out . We specifically talk about marriage and relationship with leaders .

So we we look at leaders and those who are leading things a business , a church , a ministry , whatever and how can you run that and build it and grow it and scale it and make a big splash While at the same time crushing it in your marriage ?

So Tori and I , my wife , we , we talk a lot about the importance of Seeing and knowing the person's spouse before you get into a business venture with them . Why ? Because you can tell and I come from a husband's perspective . I said you can tell what a husband's like by the face of his wife . Is he watering that flower or is he not ?

Because if , if she's wilting like a prune , chances are the husband has something to do with that . Now , that's not always the case , because sometimes people have mental , you know issues , right , but for the most part you need to observe their partner .

Who someone partners with in Marriage says more than anything else , and that's why you know and I brag on Tori I'm like you don't want to know why I'm the man . You Because of you she's like . Please don't ever say that . You know . I'm like because you know when Torey's around people , I'm like yes , you're an all star Like you're .

You know you're somebody that you know people enjoy and you chose me , so that actually makes me look good . You know , I honestly can say , if you want to evaluate someone's character , the first thing you do observe their partner . Like , just have dinner with them , get on a zoom , do something fun , right ?

Because whoever a person chooses as a partner indicates their priorities and values as well as what they think of themselves . So that's the first thing . Observe their partner . Number two observe their willingness to help others . You know , helping others is a very kind thing , but helping them without an inner motive is even better .

So observe how they help other people , right , how generous are they ? And and of course , you know if you're thinking whatever context you're thinking this through is it a new hire or is it a business venture ? Some of these are more difficult to to observe right up front , but how willing are they to help other people ?

Here's a really good one , and we actually said this in our last podcast . And and I use this a lot Observe how they handle the word no . That's hard for all of us , yeah , so you know everyone , even successful people , experience rejection . And those who take no poorly you , you , really .

They typically have an overinflated sense of entitlement Right and you just want to only do business and only hire those who can actually handle the word no ? I'll give you an example David and I , after our junior year of college , we were had two opportunities .

The first was to play athletes in action , where we would travel and be on a traveling ministry baseball team and go overseas and tell people about Jesus . And we had done that the year before and it was an awesome experience .

The second opportunity was to go to Torrington , connecticut , and play for a newly formed team called the Torrington twisters , and I remember David and I prayed about it and we felt like we should go the athletes in action route .

So we called the guy who ran the team his name was Kirk Fredrickson of the Torrington twisters and we called him and said , hey , thanks for the opportunity , but no . And he said I respect your decision . If anything changes , I'll leave the door open for you both , but I wish you both the best . And that's how we handled it . And you know what .

We hung up the phone and both of us were like , oh snap , yeah , I feel like we made the wrong decision . And so we picked it back up and we actually called him and he's like , okay , yeah , we said , hey , you know , I think we , we , we messed that one up and that was within 10 minutes . Yeah , and by God's grace , I mean that's when Jason met Torrey .

Yeah , it was awesome . That was the best decision of our life , seriously , up to that point , other than just saying yes and go into Liberty . But you , the way that he handled no was

so awesome . So if , if somebody is really pushing , you know , or whatever , and they can just , even if you want to say no and I said this on the last podcast say no , even if you want to say yes , right , or if you feel any type of fear , pause saying yes and just monitor how they handle the word no . I can see this with our kids .

Yeah , as I'm sitting here listening to you talk , I'm like , okay , I need to apply this with my kids a few times .

Yeah , here's another good observation If you want to really see who somebody is , observe their reaction to other people's success , so you can even bring someone up , you know who maybe is doing the same thing that they want to do , or whatever the case may be . But observe what they say .

If they're like , yeah , but that guy , he's like , oh , it's not good , you know whatever . And they're just focusing on the negative . I can promise you they're going to have massive ego problems . I was having lunch with a pastor and he told me . He said I've been praying and in my prayer time the Lord told me that he wanted me to pray everything .

I'm praying for our ministry and our church . He wanted me to pray that for another pastor in our city . Yeah , and he said , and that was , that was like a reality check , that was like a gut check . Like , am I willing to pray that , that same prayer that I'm praying for our ministry and our church and our people , for him , for his church , for his folks ?

And that was just a . That's a that really is a motive tester for all of us . Yes , well , here's another one .

Observe how they treat service staff , but specifically , honestly , waiters , waitresses , like those who serve , like David and I loved if , if it came time to , somebody wanted to meet with us or whatever , or we wanted a business opportunity , we'd go out to eat . I mean , that's the best thing . I totally paid attention to how you treat that , that server .

Well , it's not whether they're rude or not , cause I mean , 99% of people are not going to be rude and mean , but I contact . Yeah , did you get their name ? I don't know their name , but are they worth your attention , are they worth your time ? Because they are . Because oftentimes and look , we all fall prey to this .

Right , we're not sitting here saying everybody else is wrong , we're right . Oftentimes , especially in a business context , folks will elevate the transaction over the relationship , and that's never God's way . God's way is people , yeah , and not transactions . Yes , they're very important , but you never elevate a transaction over a person .

So that's why I always we wrote in our book Bold and Broken we tip according to who we are , not according to the way we're served . Yeah , now I get it . You're like well , they didn't serve us . Well , we're not tipping what ? Well , tip good . But then just make a comment , at least directly to them . If you have to do that . But it's just you .

You elevate the , the person . Even if it's slow , even if it's not perfect , it's , they still are people that are working hard and they are truly the working poor in in America . They are the working poor . So we have to take very good care of anyone that would ever serve us at any time . And here's another principle Observe how they handle success .

This is so good Whether you're meeting with the person or not , or whether you're watching them from afar , observe how they handle success . And I love this because it reminds me of a conversation I had with Dr Tony Evans .

We were driving , he and his wife , out to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse where and I just have to say this where he ordered a well done T-bone and then asked the server for steak sauce . Yeah , that was tragic . Yeah , I actually looked at him .

I was joking , of course , but I looked at him and I said get out , I'm not going to buy a well done steak for somebody first and secondly , you put in steak sauce and that's like you might as well go back and punch the slap the chef in the face , right .

But anyway , on the way there , or actually when we got there , there were all these people like oh , dr Evans , you know they want to pictures with him and stuff like that . And I on the ride back and I said how do you handle that ? Like all these people recognizing you and all that cause it doesn't seem to affect you at all .

And he said it's just part of the gig , like that was it ? And I remembered that here this was . This guy was one of the most famous preachers in the world . People recognize him all over and people wanting to come up and take pictures , but I could tell it didn't touch his inner man and that really stood out to me and I'm like I want to be like that .

You know , if the Lord ever puts me in a situation where people know me , I want to be like that . You know it's just part of the gig , it's just part of the job . It doesn't touch the inner man and you then fall in love with yourself . You know , and I'm telling you , how someone handle success .

If , when you're meeting with them or you can tell that they're talking a lot about their success , right , you just know they don't know how to handle success .

It's gotten to them and of course , we know it's not a gig for Dr Evans or any of us , it's a calling , but he just really lowered it Like I'm not that I don't need to be taking myself that seriously , yeah , but being able to handle it on a transactional level , like that .

You know , when David and I walk off the stage and if you know there are times where you know , I know that I hit it , I know that I hit it right .

I said what I wanted to say and people responded well to it , you know , and literally you're walking off and I'm saying to myself , hey , it's just a part of the deal , you know , if I deliver it the way I'm supposed to deliver it , they're going to respond how they're responding right now .

Of course , there are plenty of times I'm walking off and I'm like snap , I miss that . Yeah , gum , right , it's just a part of the deal , like when the disciples went out and they were healing the sick and casting out demons , and they came back and they're all like oh my gosh , jesus , you're not going to believe what we did .

And he's like whoa , whoa , whoa , whoa , whoa . Don't rejoice in that . You need to rejoice that your name is written in my book , right ? Yeah , that's it . That's what I'm talking about . Yeah , you're going to do some awesome stuff , maybe even casting out demons and raising the dead , but don't sit there and get all excited about that .

How you handle success matters . Yes , it's a revealer . That is one way that you can tell someone's character . How do they handle success ? The number two or I should say number two , it's the seventh little characteristic Observe their response to failure . How did they handle failure ?

Right , how a person reacts to failure reveals a lot about their resilience and adaptability . Some people learn from it , so others just complain and blame those around them . If the person is a part of the blame game , it's like well , how come that situation didn't work out ?

Well , it's because this person didn't do this and the market did this and the market changed . But if they can't ever go you know what I actually messed up Then that's a huge red flag .

I showed my son Chase this is David I showed my son Chase the difference between a Cam Newton interview , who was a quarterback for the Panthers , and a Drew Brees interview , who was the quarterback for the Saints . I said , look at these two interviews and literally Cam Newton was blaming everyone and he was like I don't know , something's got to change .

Something's got to change . Well , of course it can't be him . And then Drew Brees he lost as well , a different game , but he was in the press conference at the interview . And Drew Brees goes I need to do better , I've got to prepare better , I've got to get my team in a better position to win . I need to make better passes .

It's like I said , which one's a leader , he's like that guy , yeah , but that's great . You don't know . Blame game , yep . So how do they handle failure ? Number eight observe their gratitude , like how thankful are they ? Positive , self-aware people are grateful for what they have .

They're the glass half full people , I'm telling you , the law of exposure says that you become like the people you hang around you . You , your , how you think , feel and act is drastically impacted by the things that you expose yourself to . So if someone isn't thankful , don't hang around them . If they're negative , don't hang around them , just don't .

Just don't do it at all . But you'll be able to tell about someone's character by how thankful they are . Okay so , audit their gratitude . Pay attention to sarcasm . Sarcasm , tone shifts , negative language and they're focusing conversations , because a negative , pessimistic attitude is a key sign that the person not grateful .

And if they're not grateful , then just think about Romans , one before they got you . You know Paul is writing and he talks about these people who have depraved passions . They had degrading passions and it was a bad situation . It all started for a lack of gratitude to God . Okay , so we want to be around grateful people .

Number nine observe their upbringing , like figure out who , who , who are their parents . This isn't foolproof because there are awesome testimonies out there from people who didn't even have parents raising a terrible upbringing . But upbringing is important . To know where someone comes from , you know , and so it's important to look at their upbringing .

Let me jump to number . Let me I love this one , here's a good one Observe how they treat animals . You know , like what's the verse , david ? Isn't there a verse in it ? Yeah , it talks a righteous man cares for the needs of his animal . Cares for the needs of his animal . Like , how do you treat animals ?

I'm not saying that you have to be a dog lover or cat lover or anything like that . It might be allergic , yeah , so I'm not saying you know , there , for a long time when David and I had young kids , we didn't , I didn't want a dog at all because I had four , four kids . That was dog enough for me .

But how somebody treats an animal is an important thing . You know , like loving and that kind of stuff . Observe their receptiveness to change . How flexible are they Like ? If you want to know if an employee is , has good character , quality , go up there and change something on them .

Now , some people , the part of their , their DNA , is they're not going to like change immediately , but let it sit with them and then they'll come back and be like okay , I figured out a way I can do that better . And you're like you know what . In all honesty , I don't want you to really do it .

I just wanted to see how you'd respond to that change and you did really well , so I'm going to give you a raise . Ha ha ha , drop that on somebody . That's really important . Another character , another , another way that you can see someone's character , observe their accountability . Who are they accountable to ?

Like , just ask that question and and you could , you could ask is there anyone in your life that can tell you no ? Yeah , that's a very good question to ask .

Of course , we should be submitted into our local church , but a lot of especially men there's really no one in your life that can tell you no , or it can tell you stop and you listen to them and that that's a loose cannon , that's a lack of accountability . Yeah , so that's , are they accountable ? And ask that question Are you accountable to anybody , who ?

Who is it in your life that that that you're accountable to ? So accountability is an indicator of honesty and integrity . So people who are honest . They have accountability . Here's a good one character quality . Observe their sense of humor . You know , humor is an indicator of one's ability to connect with others deeply .

If you don't have a sense of humor , it doesn't mean that you have to be a funny person , right ? But if you can laugh , then you can connect . Don't take yourself so seriously . Mark Twain says that humor is mankind's greatest blessing . You know , dr ? Oh , shoot , what's Dr John Gottman ? He's foremost relationship coach .

He said those who laugh together last together . So laughing at themselves and finding humor in challenges , it demonstrates a very well-rounded perspective and strong emotional intelligence . You wanna be around people who are emotional intelligent . You wanna hire those people who are emotionally intelligent and listen . Here's , here's the thing .

Sarcasm is a sign that someone's insecure and passive , aggressive . Sarcasm is not humor . We call it scarcasm . Yeah , and you know what ? I was very sarcastic for a long while and I had to realize , man , that was . It's hurting people . Here's another . Here's another two more . I'm gonna give you two more . Observe how they handle stress In stress .

How do they handle it ? Do they panic or are they calm ? Right , when it comes to business , you want the duck . There's a lot going on under the water . I mean the feet are moving , but you can't tell . You don't want somebody who is the type of person where , when they have a headache , everybody's got a headache . When they're stressed , everybody's stressed .

Why ? Because they're telling people or it's written on their face . So it's . How do they handle stress ? Do they maintain their composure ? Are they resilient ? So pay attention to how they handle stress . And then the last one that and I love that we're going to end with this one observe their talk to listen ratio . Do they talk more than they listen ?

So in social settings , you can talk with Minglars , you can listen to or you can avoid other people Like , talking is important . Listeners are rare . They're valuable , though , and extremely effective . I remember we had a guy that used to be at our old church back years ago when we were kids . His name was Pat Quinn .

He was so quiet , he would always sit in the corner . He was a single guy . He was just a really faithful man , and I'll never forget after my first Christmas I had married Laurie . We were back in Dallas for Christmas and Pat Quinn came up to me and he said you know I was , because Laurie has always been an amazing listener .

He said I was talking to your wife and she actually is the first person in my life to listen in a way to where it made me feel like I was the most important person in the world , and I can remember him saying that so good listening skills can actually change somebody like Pat .

I mean that marked Pat Quinn and that was just because my wife just chose to listen and that's something I desperately need to work on and I know Jason's got to work on that . I don't have to work on that nearly as much as you do .

But here's the thing Jim Collins , in his book Good to Great , he says actually I don't know if it was in good to great , but I know it's a Jim Collins quote he said pay attention to your questions to answer ratio , that great leaders ask more questions than they give answers . And I'm just telling you you want to talk about connection .

If you want to connect with somebody , ask them questions . And if you want to feel connected to that person , they have to ask you questions . If they don't , if they're just all about answering your questions , then they're in love with themselves and they're not willing to ask you questions in return . Or maybe it's an interview , but I get it .

They don't have to . Well , I'm not talking about the situation being an interview . I'm just talking about interpersonal relationship . If you want to test someone's character , are they just giving answers or are they going to ask questions ? And it is really important for all of us to be good question askers , especially as we're faith-filled entrepreneurs .

So we represent the Lord , you know . So there you go . Oh , by the way , I found out who did this blog and I love it . I like this guy . His name is Alex Brogan , b-r-o-g-a-n . I like it . Okay . So , jason , own it or loan it for Christmas . Real Christmas tree yeah , you get to own it . Do you have a real Christmas tree ? I do .

I got a real and a fake . I got both of them . There are people that don't do real Christmas trees and I think that's communist . I'm only teasing . That's a problem . I'm only teasing , but you got to burn the tree as soon as Christmas is over and it is an amazing sight to see .

And now , if you're in the city limits , you're not allowed to do that , all right . Well , hey , that's it . Subscribe rate review . Enjoy the Christmas season . We're so glad that we get a chance to do this podcast , so we look forward to doing our goal . Jason , we're going to do our goal . How to set goals and achieve goals ?

Sure , we'll repurpose that one , because that one gets listened to a lot . Yeah , that's a good one . Okay , god bless you guys . We will have six .