Dangerous Through Growth: Embracing Who You Really Are

There's a lot going on School end of year for school , end of year for coaching so I had some people lined up that I will push out in the coming weeks , but I wanted to take some time to talk about the three quotes that have helped me and that are helping me right now in my life .

When it comes to the state of manhood , I am on this journey to be the best man I can possibly be . I don't know what that is , I don't know what that looks like . I can have these plans , I can have goals and ambitions , but whatever it is that God is calling me to , I want to be the best version of myself . I'm not in competition with anyone .

I see people , I acknowledge people , I cheer people , I push people on , because , to me , I feel that as a man , a good man a good man wants to see the people around him win . A good man wants to see another man win . A good man wants to see another man win because you can't conquer it all .

It's a proven fact that when men try to go out and take everything from everybody because they think they can . They never end up in a place where they wanted to go . There's nothing but pain and trauma and debt , that route trying to beat everybody .

And I'm in this season where I'm trying to figure out how to win , while cheering others on who are winning the way I think I want to win . So there are three quotes that have been in my head and on my heart that I want to share with you guys . Give you my takeaway and a call of action . I'm not doing this for fun .

I'm doing this because I really want to help change lives . I really want to help inspire men and young men to be better , to be the best version of themselves , because why not ? Why choose to walk around and be what everyone else wants you to be , knowing that there's greatness inside of you , pushing you and wanting to see the full potential of who you are .

But you're too afraid of what a girl would think or what society thinks , and so you hide the awesomeness of the man that you are to give people a version that you think they want as men . We have to stop doing that . I see it more often than not , and these three quotes . Maybe one of them will help in that process .

So quote number one your ability to partner with others Will largely determine your potential .

This is true no matter how gifted you are , and I'm in a season where I have a mentor program in my head , where I'm mentoring single parent moms , sons , and we're just having conversations that they need to have with men to kind of help push them past themselves 6th grade to 12th grade , because I feel like at this time , a lot of young men are learning a

lot of different things from a lot of different people and to be specific with what they should be learning so that they can process this information the next time they come across it . It's super important because a lot of these young men don't know how to respond when a crisis comes their way and their only response is to fight or freeze .

But there's a lot of different ways to go about having a situation fixed than just fighting and freezing . So my takeaway from this quote success is rarely a solo journey , and that's something that I'm fighting right now .

I don't want to feel or appear weak , so trying to do it on my own , knowing I need community buy-in , knowing I need financial support , financial backers , people that believe in what I'm doing , and putting money in hands so I can go out and create the space that I'm trying to create .

I know that I cannot do it on my own , but it's hard because I don't want to feel , which is so crazy . I don't want to feel like I'm asking for a handout .

And I'm in this process of you're not asking for a handout , you're asking for a handout because it's easy for me to ask people for money for other people , but when it comes to myself , that's where the struggle lies with me and that's something that I have to , I'm processing and trying to figure out because I know that I'm not leaving this world without the

help of the people that's in my life that want to help , help , that are around . So I have to be better at building relationships and collaborating with others to help me in this process of opening new doors and learning new abilities . And I don't have an issue collaborating and working with people when it's their stuff .

But for some odd reason , and I guess while unpacking it on this podcast , I don't think I am enough . I talk about I'm enough . I think there's levels to being enough . I know I'm enough . I know I'm worthy to be here on this earth , living this life , inspiring and motivating people at the capacity that I am .

But I then start to question am I enough at a higher level ? Am I enough having one-on-ones with young men and talking about life ? Am I enough when I look back over my life and I see the man I was and I see the man I am now ? What struggle is that ? I'm not where I used to be and I'm going somewhere , but I'm not where I think I should be .

So I'm fighting this mindset of I'm enough up until this point and that's simply not the case . So I know that it's important to have mentors , it's important to network and get your name out and collaborate and help people so that , in return , those people might help you .

You never go into it with the mindset of I'm going to help in order to get help , because a lot of times we make that assumption that if I'm helping them , they will help me , but they're not going to help you because they were only thinking about their issue or their project or what they were trying to do .

So you can't get mad at people that do that Help without thinking you're going to get the same help back . I also know that teamwork is important . When I was in the military and we would go on missions , everyone had a role that they played .

So let's say we're going out on mission , I'm the driver , there's a gunner and there's a TC which is truck commander . The driver's role is to make sure that Humvee is squared away , air is in , tire oil , transmission , everything looks good , feel good , it's gassed up , it's ready to go . The gunner role is to make sure the gun is clean .

We had a .50 cal on our truck and then we had a Mark 19 . I love the Mark 19 . The sound of an automatic grenade launcher is sexy to me . But we had a Mark 19 , and so the gunner's role was to make sure that the gun was clean .

We had ammunition and then our dual role was to make sure that we had everything we needed to have on that truck MREs , extra magazines for our guns and the truck commander's job was to kind of do it once over , to check , make sure everything was right and then to lead us into battle .

Because I mean , that's what we're doing Anytime you go out on a mission , at any given time something could pop off , and so he's leading us into battle and we all had different roles . He had a computer where he's telling us you know , turn right , turn left Some don't look right up here Slow down Leading us .

And so we all had roles that we were playing and it was a well-oiled machine , except for the part to where I couldn't really drive . But we're not going to get into that . We might get into that in the next part , on the next episode or next podcast . But it was a well-oiled machine .

We had our roles , we had each other's back and I think , coming back from war , because we all had one objective in Iraq is to make it back home and to make sure that the people that's around us get back home as well . And sometimes we couldn't do that , but that was a thing that you know .

We all had that of the same sound mind of making sure and taking care of each other . But then you get out and it's a very cutthroat world .

I got into teaching because I made the assumption that people really love kids and they love to teach and I think I got burnt out this year because there was a sadness of just people don't give a shit about these kids Not saying all teachers , but there are a lot that just have made up in their head the story about certain kids , and there's nothing that this

kid can do or say to change that story . The teamwork , the collaboration it just wasn't there . For me as a new teacher and I don't know if that is like a thing or if it's just at this school , but there was a lot of internal battles that I had within myself because communication just , or lack thereof , really put me in a negative headspace , and I'm new .

I'm new to this , so I don't . I'm trying to figure out what to ask and what to say and what to do , on top of also learning how to , you know , be a coach . So it was just . It was super frustrating on a teamwork aspect of it . But that's the beauty about life you live , you learn , you have to figure it out and that's where we're at now .

So one of my major goals is to start seeking out partnerships in the things that I do . I do it , I do it every so often , but to be more open and vulnerable when it comes to asking for help . And , as men , I would challenge you as well to ask for help . If you're trying to build something within you . You cannot build it just by yourself .

No one does it alone , and so my call to action for you , as a listener , would be to identify someone in your network who inspires you and reach out to collaborate on a project or goal . Scary , but just see where you could go from doing something that you're scared

to do . Quote number two men become dangerous not through aggression , but through growth , when we stop conforming to what the world says we should be and start holding each other accountable for who we truly are meant to be .

That's when healing happens , that's when power rises , and my takeaway from this quote is that true strength lies in personal growth and accountability to oneself and to others . Embracing authenticity can lead to profound transformation , and I think I'm in that process of profound transformation because I am embracing who I am as a person .

I am embracing what I've done and who I've hurt and who I've inspired and motivated . It's not always negative , but it's the totality of me being a man , and not being aggressive , but trying to figure out why I feel the way I feel and then having a conversation about it with the person , or writing it down , or going and talking to a counselor .

You don't , you can't keep it to yourself . Once you figure out okay , I'm feeling this way because of this , you have to release it , because if you don't release it , it's going to come back . It doesn't go anywhere , that aggression going to come back . It doesn't go anywhere , that aggression .

But through growth I've realized my anger now has a name , or now has a face , or now has a feeling , or now has a place where when I show up , I become angry , versus when I was allowing my aggression just to be the lead . It didn't matter who or what or where or what place I was at , I was just .

I was going to be aggressive , I was going to be angry , I was going to want to fight the importance of personal growth , the importance of holding yourself accountable for the things that you have done and I've . There's a book called Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willick and I would challenge you to go and read that book .

But in my first marriage it was easier to blame my ex-wife than to deal with the issues that I had in my life . So let's say we had an argument and I'm blaming her for the argument .

But if I'm taking extreme ownership and if I'm being truly accountable for my actions , I can pinpoint the time where the confrontation made a left turn , I can pinpoint what I said or what I did that warranted a response that then pissed me off to give a response that warranted another response , that created this snowball effect of us now in this big-ass argument

that I created , but because I don't want to see myself as the one creating it , I will blame her because she's a nagging wife or because she doesn't want to see me happy , or she's just frustrated with her life , or something that you could come up with to make her the bad guy and you the victim .

I'll tell you right now that is not a way to live , to own it . There's nothing better in this world to me , I feel if , than to own who you are , what you are , what you've been , what you're becoming . You also have to understand that there's a difference between societal expectations and personal truth .

What people say they think you are and who you are are two totally different aspects on life . You can say I'm dumb . You can say I'm not enough , because that's how you feel . If I don't feel dumb and if I feel enough , that is my truth and I won't fall into the trap of feeling how you feel about me .

It doesn't make any sense that I am in this process of being beat down by your negative assumptions of who you think I am and I'm taking what you're saying to heart , not digging deep and asking myself who I really am . And if that's not who I am , then those words are words that that person has to deal with .

That is not a me problem , that's a them problem , and they got to figure it out . You go on about your life . There's also a something chaotic happens in a good way , when men hold each other accountable for their actions . There's just this , this drive , this anger .

This drive , this anger it's a good anger , of wanting to be better , not wanting to let this person down , your friend , another man .

We all want to be strong and I feel when men get together and we're holding each other accountable for our actions and we see other men succeeding because of the accountability that they have , it pushes us to another level , to higher limits , to push our limits , to be the best version of ourselves .

In order to become a dangerous man , you have to have male friendships that hold you accountable for your actions . In order to become a dangerous man , you have to understand the difference between your personal truth and society's expectations and to become a dangerous man .

You have to learn how to lift others up because we're not getting anywhere trying to hold people down because we're afraid that if they're pushing themselves to be better , you have to then too . But because you don't want to , you want to stay in a spot of mediocrity . You want to stay in a spot of being average .

You hold other people down because you're afraid of what you have to do . If you let this person thrive and be their best self , that comes from healing . The more you heal , the more you want to pick people up . The more you heal , you see the road that they're going down and you're like no , I've been there , done that . I don't want you going through it .

All I can do is help you up and guide you , and if you choose not to , you choose not to , but you cannot say I did not try . The call of action is to start a conversation with a friend about personal growth and share your accountability goals with each other and quote number three

for years . This comes out of a book called the Knowledge of Wisdom and he writes for years I thought I knew myself until I discovered that it is not the truth . I only knew what I believed about myself . Then I discovered that I am not what I believe I am .

And it was very interesting and also very frightening when I discovered that I am not what I believe I am . And it was very interesting and also very frightening when I discovered that I really don't know anybody and they don't know me either .

The truth is that we only know what we know , and the only thing we really know is our story , and my takeaway from that was self-discovery is a lifelong journey .

Recognizing the difference between self-perception and reality can lead to deeper connections with ourselves and others , and I think that's the struggle I'm in now the dynamic nature of identity and self-awareness how I perceive myself versus reality , how I perceive myself .

I am enough , but not enough to create something that could really be a game changer for a society that really needs men to step up , for this next generation of young men really needs men to step up for this next generation of young men . The reality is oh , it's needed , it's wanted , and someone has to do it .

Pastor Cliff called me the other day and he confirmed what I was thinking , and then I talked to someone at the Midland Juvenile Detention Center , like the next day after Pastor Cliff , and there was another confirmation of these kids really need you .

I just started school getting my master's in business administration , so there's like a fear , will I have enough time ? I wouldn't say it's a fear , it's all the excuses I'm trying to make because I'm afraid of what could be when I already see what is . Sharing personal stories can help bridge the gap between who I am and who you are .

If I can tell you a story that resonates with you , we then have a connection that can't be taken away . But it's only through discovering who I am , as a man or as a person , that I'm able to share personal stories .

That kind of help bridge this gap of who am I and who are you , because we are only who we think we are because of the lives that we have lived . If I have lived a different life , where both parents were in the household and I didn't have to struggle as much and I had things handed to me , that life would be different than this life .

If I never went to the military , if I never got married the first time , that life would be different than this life . We are only living the lives that we're living because , or seeing the stories that we're living , because it's the life that we have lived .

And sometimes sharing personal stories can help bridge the gap between people who don't think they like each other or people who don't think they know enough about each other . And I've also realized that vulnerability helps , fosters authentic relationships .

Being able to break down why you did the things you did , to go in and have those deep conversations creates a real connection with real people who are also on that path of looking at themselves in the mirror .

Sometimes being vulnerable could be a backfire or can backfire on you when you're vulnerable to the wrong people , because they then take that information and go spread it and tell everybody about your information and what you're doing and how you're doing it , but then you know that that wasn't an authentic relationship . So you get to learn from that .

My call to action for quote number three is reflect on your own story and share it with someone you trust . Challenge yourself to understand more about your identity , who you are . Look at that man in the mirror , face him every day , challenge him every day , make him better every day . You have to be intentional . Embrace your ideals .

Your ideals are your ideals . No one can take them from you . And they say the richest person or the richest place on the earth is a grave , because people take their ideals with them to the grave , never to be seen or heard of again . Actively participate in your personal growth journey . Find things that make you better each and every day .

It doesn't have to be every day for 20 hours , 20 minutes a day , 30 minutes a day . Find something that's going to make you think , that's going to make you push yourself to be better . Your stories and connections with others are a powerful tool for transformation . Your stories have power .

You as a human connecting with other humans is powerful and it can do some things that can transform and inspire the people around you A community , a school .

There's power in stories and connections because there is a man , a young man , a person needing to hear how you got up from something you created or from something you did not create , but you knew you couldn't stay there . If

you hear the sound of my voice , you are powerful beyond measure . You are an amazing person , an amazing man trying to figure it out , and that's not difficult . That's the beauty of life . But you're not alone , you're not by yourself . You don't have to try to figure it out by yourself . I need you , you need me .

We need each other to be the best men that we can possibly be for ourselves and for our family . So if anyone hasn't told you today that they love you , let me be the first to say I love you . You are awesome . You are amazing . You deserve the best that this world has to offer . Do not quit , do not give up .

The world does not get easier , but you will get stronger . Y'all have a blessed weekend . Bye-bye .