Wilmer Valderrama's New Role as Dad

you'd like to listen. With that being said, as usual, don't forget to subscribe, don't forget to rate us five stars yet more the five stars to sut because after keep growing. He don't forget to share this podcast with every single person that you know, especially if the podcast hit home for you and you feel like you know what. I know a friend, I know a cousin, I know somebody that needs to hear this. Mere. Don't be standing

with the podcast. Pass it down, bueno. With that being said, I'm super excited because today I have such an amazing guest. He isn't He is an amazing actor, he's a producer, He's Miami. Even though we haven't had the opportunity of spending too much time together, I love the way that we support each other. Some Latinos were super close to our family. He's also the host of Essential Voices on Michael podcast Network Familiar so to be. I mean, his life has evolved and changed so much from when I

first saw him on TV. I am so proud to have today on exactly a matter. California's memento is the the Rao pass ups then gott media off. You know, I'm I'm off for the first time in like in like a while today, so I have a day to just catch up on office stuff. And everything's good. You know, I'm very happy to be able to talk to you.

And I'm so proud of the show you've created, sparing and how ended and how vulnerable you've been on your show and uh and it's inspiring to see you go out there and live with with our culture first and and following your heart and your humored And I'm just so proud to be here with you, a man, Thank you so much. And you know what, I too, am proud to know that we're both part of the same family, a network that gave us an opportunity to celebrate, celebrate

who we are, give us a platform. For those that haven't heard your podcast, what is it about? What's the vibe? So I mean to just to give you a few lines on it. At and the beginning of the pandemic, you know, we you know, we were experiencing a lot of uh dividing forces, right. A lot of our communities were being left to kind of fight on their own. And I think as soon as the pandemic happened, we were kind of forced to look at one another and really support each other on a community level. Um. I

think it woke up a lot of stuff. I mean a lot of bad stuff and a lot of good stuff in society. I think that there's a lot of things that kind of came to surface during the pandemic that was that was really odd and really weird and

really complicated to understand. And even the people that you love the most, and you thought of the you know, the world of you know, when the moment of desperation and pandemic and the uncertainty of what it really was um happened, you know, different elements, different characters started waking up in people. So I went to the grocery store and I saw my grocery store worker and said, hey, how are you doing through this whole thing? And and she said, I'm doing okay, And I said, what, wait,

we are you just okay? What's wrong? You know? And she said people were so mean, you know, people were just uh, you know, going off on them just because they didn't have toilet paper, you know. And I think about that those moments where the camed food and the toilet paper was threatened to be you know, a low and uh and people were going crazy over their toilet paper. You know, we're going off on on the grocery store

workers in a wheel way. And she she straight upset to me that people would call the grocery store and she will pick up and be like, hey, do you guys have any toilet paper? You know, cam food, and like what, we're running out, but we're going to get another shipment tomorrow. And they'll be like, well, down, you don't have any toilet paper and be like we don't have toilet paper now. And this person was stored up being like, well fuck you, I hope you get COVID

and died and and would hang up, you know. And this was the type of stuff that our grocery store workers were receiving while they by themselves, you know, also are receiving four or six hundred people at a time. In a grocery store and then putting themselves in danger and then having to go back to their families. So the level of stress, I just I just thought that

we need a perspective. So I created a thing on Instagram that was ultimately like my six ft apart chats, you know, and it was just like having a conversation with an essential worker. And that turned into the idea to start a podcast and really really elevate their contribution who they were before, who they are now, and who they will still be, you know, after this pandemic has gone. Yeah.

I love the fact that you thought about that because a lot of times, and I talked about all the time to celebrities, artists and influencers, people that that are blessed to have a platform. It's not just about the part of entertainment, which we're you know, we're blessed to be good at what we do. That's great, but the fact that we also use our platforms to show light and bring light and awareness on things that are happening in our community. We figure out ways to uplift our

community or people. All these things overall, Um, I think that should really be appreciated because not all of us do it, and it takes a lot of balls and guts to do it. So I personally want to thank you for your podcast and what you're doing for your community, for our community, for our fellow Latinos are Latin ex community. We need more people like you. And with that being said, I know that you the fact that you just recently welcomed a baby girl really see that is how do

you feel? How has this? How was the before and after? Like let's say, when you know, when she was pregnant. Obviously you know that you knew that the it was there, But now that you have the opportunity though let you around you, how is that that process for you? You You know?

It was It was really interesting. You know. I think that you know, you go your whole life and you know that at some point that's something that you will most likely embarking, you know, having a family, having a home, you know, and all that you know and as artists, you know, I mean you you kind of devote so much of yourself to you know, to try to make this happen, you know, and once you get some level of stability and you feel like it's the time, it's time,

and you know, f y I. You know, you're never really ready like people are like I'm ready for this. Like the truth the matter is, you're never really prepared. And that's okay, because you know something wakes up in you. You know something, something is in you already that's ready to engage the moment that becomes a reality. And I think that's that's what happened for me, you know, I I I was very ready at some point, you know. I felt I felt like I had built my home

my mom. My mom didn't need anything, my dad didn't need anything. My sisters were cool, my nephew was going up to be awesome, you know. And I just said to myself, like it it's a really an exciting time to to start a family, you know. But first you

have to find a partner. You gotta find someone that shares the same values and and that you're like minded and you want pretty much the same thing, you know, and that you're willing to fight to to defend it and to keep it and to How about you guys dating before you guys decided to get married, because once you get married, you already know, yes, say we're locking it in. We're gonna have a family that's what it is.

But that didn't I think that a lot of a lot of people, your life must be perfect, everything is great for you. You must find love all the time. And it's like, no, even for us, it's hard to find the right person to go through the process. You know, Okay, this is the one that it's It's it's funny that

you say that, because you're right. I mean, people think like, oh, you're an artist, you know, so I mean you might have you know, there's so many different and and the truth is, in my in my life in twenty six years of my career that I've only had like probably a five serious relationships because you know, you you know, you go to long periods of times where you know, you kind of start, you know, you start kind of giving into what you think you probably should have, when

really you don't ever ask yourself what are your real needs? You know, what do you want from a partner? What do you really need from a partner? And I think that's that was important for me as as I kind of grew up and it started evolving and and understanding that I was changing, right, I was changing, And I feel like you needs started changing at some point, you know, you become someone that that loves to be there for people,

you know, loves to show up for people. And then uh, in the process, you forget a little bit about the fact that you know, you got to show up for yourself, and you never ask yourself, what do you need? What do you want? What do you want today? What do you feel today? You know, because as soon as you get up your service right, and as an artist, you give yourself to your audience, you give yourself to your family, It gives you to everything and you in sometimes you're

depleted yourself. Who gives back to you? Who feels back? And the fan love is awesome, right, Like, it's beautiful to get a feedback when you provide entertainment and connected, but there's not there there's a there's another level of it where there's there's just a humanity side to the artist that that sometimes it's forgotten, you know. So I started really searching about what is it that I really need from a partner, what is it that I really want at home? You know? And and I wanted someone

that also took care of me too, you know. So it's so that was one of the things and I think that when I met Amanda. Amanda was you know, she was also a fixer, you know, so two fixers in one and one relationship was interesting, you know, but but it was it was like, no, I'll do it, No you do I know, I'll do it. No, I'll do it, you know. And and it was really it was kind of charming and sweet to see that we were both willing to um do you think said we

kind of haven't done for ourselves before. Now you have to give yourself and spread and divide to dimples. I'm being to give yourself as a father because obviously your baby girl is gonna need you, you know, she needs you. Obviously, what can I send you? Still don't want to miss out on those opportunities of seeing her, you know, grow

her words, her first words, talking running. How do you figure out time between the work, because you're very busy between work, filming, learning scripts, all through doing your podcast, still being a great husband, taking care of your family. So how do you divide your time now that your father's Yeah, well so we we picked up priorities, right,

So it was really important. It's really important. And I love that you're mentioning that because I think there's so much is about balance, and so much is about setting expectations and priorities, you know. And and I think the first one you are welcoming a child into your family. I think it's important that you have that conversation, what is going to be our contribution? What is going to be our partnership? You know? And it really is a

hundred and a hundred, It's not fifty fifty. Man, It's like you both gotta put in a hundred and and you gotta think about the things. You gotta foresee. You gotta answer a question before he's asked, okay, And you gotta solve a problem before it is one, right. And I think that in those types of conversations it really takes partnership. You gotta be very vulner but you gotta

bet you open. And I think you know, as a male myself, right, as a man um you know, specifically as a Latino man, there's certain expectations from you, you know, uh, And and it's it's also important to understand that. But you ask a very important question, which is like how do you find that time? How do you find that balance? You No matter I'm trying to I'm trying to figure

it out. Myself because you're doing it, and I'm like and then I'm like, I'm taking already buen or as soon as I give birth, I have to go back to work. I can decate, wait too long? How do you do? But I will say I will tell you. I mean, I'm out. I would say that, I would say this, and I would offer the following. You know that this is a very iconic moment for your life and that deserves, you know, you to be present and

be in the moment. You know, And a lot of times we start thinking about, Okay, well I gotta get back to work, you know, I gotta do the thing. But you know, you should allow yourself to submerge yourself in that experience because it really is a gift. It really is a miracle and that happened and was giving to you, and this baby's chose you, you know. And then in those first couple of months, you know, you really, you really want to connect, You want to run, to

be in contemporary. You don't want to worry about too much of the frequency. And that's one of the things that I really wanted for Amanda. I wanted her to really focus on this experience, to go through the emotions to really sit in with it and and really understand

that everything was going to be taken care of. And you know, and as a man, you know, I mean this is sort of fellas sence you show to you know, I gotta say, like if you have a friend or if you if you're one of your boys tells you, oh, well, you know they have most of the work. You just kind of have to be there. It's absolutely bullshit, okay, like thank you. If you're not, I'm gonna tell you something.

I'm doing something like a very very quickly I realized that you got as a man, you gotta do what she doesn't have to. And that is a lot, okay, Like and also you got to think about you know, your your woman. It's so focused on making sure this child has you know, it's it's food, it's rest, you know,

she's whatever the baby needs. The woman is so devoted to making sure that this child is is' is fed, that she forgets to eat herself, she forgets to drink water herself, you know, and like in that moment, those little things that you can do just to show up making sure that what she's breastfeeding or given the baby, the bottle m that you are also giving her water, that you also, if you know, feeding her food, because

she will forget, she will skip meals. And that's and you know, and that's the most of didn't you see didn't you see her a little bit different? A little bit different once you saw how her body transformed and what she was willing to do, like because then it's sometimes somebody physical. Men they don't have to go through it. They may not understand the fact that, by the way, did she push Oh my gosh, she deserves you you better have given her flower people, because your body changes.

She sacrifice everything. I'm on me that she opened like a tunnel just to give birth to another humane. I was there, I mean I saw the whole thing. I mean I was there for supporting her, helping her, was holding her hand. I was in one hand that she had her left I had her left leg and the other one the back of her neck, you know, And I you know, and I was coaching and I was talking over the doctor, and I was overdoing it and I was doing the most and it is but it

it is a magical thing. And it made me look at you know, first of all, I've always had the appreciation. My sister had a baby so like when she was like nineteen, you know, and and that that was a really uh predictable time. But I will say that seeing what my sister went through made me really appreciated witnessing it myself with my woman and see my the birth of my child and seeing what Amanda did for us. Um,

it just changed everything in my life, you know. I mean, it's it's absolutely unbelievable when to see her make it look easy and not complain, just go through the emotions and you know, and and it's hard. It's an emotional thing and it's emotional endeavor and it's it's a journey. Um. So I'm doing my best to try to do that. And if you ever asked me to give you a word of advice is to really embrace the moment. Just sit through the moment, don't get don't be in a

hurry to get to any other phase of this. You know, every moment, every day is gonna be perfect, as imperfect as it may be, because that's the you had to be, you know, in order to to are right, for both of you to to be. So I think it's like a it's a very important time. And the thing is we forget because as hard as we're like, we gotta get it to work. We gotta yeah back in the swing of things, you know, but give yourself that time

because you'll never have that time. No. And also as a woman, and also as a woman, your body changes you though you know, we are somewhat in my case, somewhat sexualized. And I get it because sex cells. I get that part. So everybody expect you automatically, especially as a woman, as soon as you give birth, mym we need you to have a six passing three that everything together we need too tight and say, hold on, it took me nine months to create a whole human being.

Your whole body is changing, transforming. You can't expect me to go snap back, you know, within a mother or two. But now talking about that, your father in a in a modern age, right, what are your biggest fears? Because I'm not gonna lie. I am blessed to have two girls. Battle I was hoping to have a boy, and part of it was because I wanted to raise one good manner always said. But at the same time it was part of my own personal fears of knowing that for

women is so much harder in this world. What are your personal fears as a father this age now that you have a baby girl, Well, I mean, look at you are an example, and you are a woman that has contributed to deliberation of a lot of the perception and inheritance of oppression for women, and you gotta be proud of that. So your daughters are going to be born in a world that's very much, very very different than the one you did. And it's a it's don't

get twisted. I mean, this is a woman's world now officially. You know, I see world you know, you're seeing world world leaders, you know, female world leader as you're seeing in television and film. Most of our leader and lead actresses are the ones leading the chart when it comes to bugbusters and television, you know. So I think what I'm saying is that pop culturally, they're gonna be welcoming into a world where they will have choices unlike the

ones that my sisters did. You know, there there there will be a the you know, the sensitization of the actual perception of what she is meant to be as a woman, and she will have a choice. And I so that's hopeful for me, that makes me excited. You know.

I think that she will grow up with the ability and the freedom to learn any skills she wants, to get any education she wants if she wants to, you know, And I think you should, really, you should really feel proud of what you have contributed about as a as a woman and as a voice, because you are also putting breaks in the road she will walk on, you know. And I think it's important to to to trust that you know and uh and feel good about that. But all in all, you know, I mean, I agree. I

I can't wait to have a sign as well. But having a daughter first, Oh my god. Social media media, social media the music that we listen to now, Like okay, growing up, my mom would listen to Mettingle, listen that the lyrics were like and it was great. Now it's like I'm a bad bit and you know, I want her mess back and I'm like, oh my god, what

of my babies gonna listen to? What's happening? Everything? Everything has changed Now when your baby girl grows up and she's in her teenage years, what we all what Because we are only fans now, I don't even know what's gonna come out later. Oh god, I don't even don't even say that. I don't even say that. Only fans don't even see that. It's like, how do you prepare as a father now for what's to come? I have fears and I'm a woman as a mother, because you'll say,

I'm from you know, the way that you grew up. Um, what are the some of the influences you think that you will, you know, kind of give to your daughters that you learned or grew up with. You know, here's the thing, and and you have the same gift and skill that I have as well, which is we've never forgotten, no matter how long we've been in America, we've never

forgotten the values of our culture. Okay, So as much as I fear the new inheritance of technology and whether peers are going to be doing, I think that it's important that we continue to fight and drill, you know, the values of our culture, most importantly, the essence of who we are as people. Right. Yeah, we're celebratory, we are very very colorful, but it is in our music and our stories and our traditions that that you know, that build their character, you know, And I think we

have to trust that a little bit. That as much as we want them to assimilate to everyone they went to go to school with, you know, when they come home, saw some music should be on the radio. You feel me, like, you know, lunch is gotta be the holiest has and rolls. Even then they're like, we gotta make sure that when they come home it feels unlike anything they need out outside, you know, And it's and I think it's important to to to also trust that as well. So I think

when you ask me, like, what are the values? That's first, you know. And I and I also want her to really and God willing to have me my mom a little bit longer so they can really but so that my daughter can really have conversations. I want them to ask questions. I want her to really know her grandmother unlike I ever met her and me and like, and I told you this was crazy. I went to lunch with my mom like a year ago, and I asked

my mom. I was like, Mom, did you when you were young when you were like I don't know, like nineteen or twenty or whatever, like what where were you in school when you were like? What was your favorite thing in school, and she's like, well, I was really good at math, So I took I got a job at a doctor's office and I was a receptionist and I would do the appointments for the doctors. And I was like, you worked at a doctor's office exactly, Like I didn't think my brain was filting, Like I had

no idea, you know what I mean. It's it's so, it's so incredibly important, um that we did that, we asked questions that we know who they are. It's true, it is true. I agree a thousand percent. And you don't even know what I would love to do maybe whatever, Um, I would love I don't I'm not say going to do the whole life documentary, but I would love to record my mom and have her just talk talk about your you talk about just so that I can have

it because you're no Gietta tomorrow. I forbid something were to happen. I want to be able to have those stories not just in my head, but also be able to share it, share with my daughters, share with my granddathers. This was your grandmo, this is what she said, this is where her life experience where all those things and we used to technology so much just for us, why not also use it for our parents and to have and save those memories. It's like back in the days

we used to print out pictures. I have albums and albums and albums of baby pictures these days. If the Internet were to break down, our phones were to disappear, the iCloud all my memories and all my things. God yeah, spanished. So that's definitely one of those things that I feel that we should figure outways Now, I'm gonna ask you one last question because I know you have to go. But I grew up in a household being Dominiana Latina,

and I'm very proud to speak Spanish. But growing up and being born in Miami, I just didn't feel like I needed to speak Spanish because what you know, I go to school, my friends speak English. In your case, the father my babies is Latino, so we both we both speak English, we both speak Spanish, but it Aposa is Americana, right, Well, she's having Mexican Okay, she is Mexican, have wife, but she is also taking Spanish classes because she has You know, it's funny because we had the gift.

You and your guy had the gift that that we were taught Spanish at really young age. But a lot of Latinos in America. Um, and you know, a lot of our listeners, you know, they unfortunately, you know, grew up in a different you know generation where sometimes our parents and I'm not saying my dad of amount because they could not be more colomb as well, right right, but I'm saying some some of our are are Hispanic or Latino community in the United States came you know,

from parents whose grandparents said, you're in America. You only speaking correct, right, You're in America. This is how you dress, this is what you listen to. You know, when you're here, you do this. They were trying to make them adapt. They were trying to make it, which I mean in many ways, they weren't trying to keep them safe, you know. Um. And what happened was is that then now those parents

grew up not knowing how to speak Spanish. And now those kids have this interest and I'm talking about the generation that listens to you and that listens to me, and that is growing up right now. Now they have an interest to be Latino more than ever. Now they want to be Latino. And now the look at the parents, like, why don't I speak Spanish? You know so, I think I think that to your point, I think that my my daughter, my mom speaks to her only in Spanish.

My dad speaks to her only in Spanish. I mean, she's only ten months old, right exactly. So then then my my and my wife is straight up in the middle of you know, Spanish classes. She speaks Spanish now and all that, but you know, but we forget because we speak English so often. I know you ourselves forget to talk in Spanish back to them, you know so, So it's you gotta make an effort. You gotta make

an effort, and I went, I really want. I'm gonna make sure her that Spanish is her first language even though she was born in America. Most definitely, I agree a thousand percent. And that's part of us not losing our culture, us not losing our essence. UM, is being able to at least try You don't have to know perfectly, but at least try to also maintain that Latino language in your in your in your household, UM, and especially while you're raising your kids. In my case, my mom

only speaks Spanish only. I understand her, but UM, I think that I too do my best to teach my children Spanish, because I obviously in this country, the more languages you know. But with that being said, thank you so much for coming in today. I am so grateful for you. I wish you nothing but the best now in your new stage is father. With everything you're doing, You're amazing. I am blessed to have you on my podcast and tell you something. Can I just can I

just say something to you. Yes, it's something that nobody offered, you know, my my lady and me at the beginning of this experience, um one thing that was really important to us and I can't you know, I'll live with this, but it's important that I say this to you because man, I you know, I watch you and I see you grow, and I am so proud, you know, to call you a friend and and like even though we're from the east count the West, because I'm just so I'm just

so incredibly proud. We don't have anyone like you, and we needed you for so long and I just want you to really come full circuitus this one thought, like when you first came to in a situation and you're about to be a parent, everyone offers you the horror stories.

Right first, they're like, oh, is this and this and you lose that and forget about intimacy and dada da da da da, and like immediately they're like but and then they follow it with like, but you're going to be but it's gonna be It's gonna be great, and you're like that, you know, does that even makes sense?

You know? So I just want you to trust yourself that that even if you don't read one book, even if you don't ever ask anyone one question, that everything is in you already and that you absolutely will will soar as a beautiful mom At the moment that you you continue to hold this beautiful children of God and and and give you this, this beautiful essence, something else is gonna wake up and it's gonna make even more powerful. And as a woman, you're gonna know that absolutely anything

really is possible in someone with your drive. You're gonna build empires that are going to be able to be shared. And those empires is mission and statement are going to be to change the world. And you are going to continue to build the tools and you're gonna have the

resources to continue to make a difference. And I just want you to keep swinging, and I you know, I want you to never forget that there's there's some of us out here that that it will do anything to make sure that you continue to win, because we need you to you know, we we need you now more than ever. And uh and those children are lucky to have you as as a mommy too, because to be that free as a mommy, to be that free's gonna

be liberating for for for them as well. But I just wanted to offer that because nobody really taught us that, you know, nobody told us that it really could be as simple as just go with the flow. I mean, we learned to push in the room, by the way, like how do we push? Yeah? How do we make it better? Yeah? It is true. And I'm and I'm grateful for those words because I'm sure that there's somebody out there right now listening to this podcast that also

needed to listen and hear that. So definitely, I'm so grateful for your words. Um when now, by the way, guys, but then the podcast, thank you guys so much for joining me and remember to follow exactly a mode on Instagram and on Twitter. Also followed Michael to the podcast on Instagram, you to channel if you want to see it. If you had a chance to hear it, but now you want to see it, you can go check it out on YouTube at a mad la a l N

or or exactly a mata. This has been a production of I Heart Radio Michael through a podcast network and for more podcasts from my Heart, visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast. Thank you, guys so much for joining me. I am so grateful with your girl, Mala Negra. I'll see you guys next Thursday on am not