Alright, right, all right, what's popping? This is your Girl, and you're listening to Exactly a Mada, a production of I Heart Radio. Today we're having a special guest. He's gonna be helping me talk about toxic relationships. I think we've all heard about it, we've all been through one, or maybe it's just me. I don't know. But we started up to come Go earlier in his podcast Life as a Green Girl, and now I'm inviting him to join Exactly a Mada and we will continue the conversation here.
He is DJ Dramas. Hey, I'm excited. I feel like I had you in my home and now you've invited me into yours. Very exciting time. Welcome to to Exactly a Mata. Be exactly Drama, nice and scandal as yourself, outgoing, transparent, unique. You already know. But earlier we were talking about toxic relationships. I told you about you know, some of the things that I've been through in my past in my toxic relationships. Now I want to know about yours. Tell me a
little bit about yours. Have you had any toxic relationships that you regret or you felt like, damn, I could have done things a little bit different. Yeah, I mean I think that I've had a lot of situation ships that I could have I could have done differently, and that led to toxic situations. I can think of, like you know, when I was definitely like djaying heavy in the clubs, like girls would just pull up on me and it wouldn't be pretty a lot of times, you know.
Um So I probably put my my job at risk a little bit sometimes, but maybe drama of people showing up uh and things like that, or having like one situation ship there and then another one randomly shows up and now I have to deal with that whole explanation. Um So, yeah, my my toxic behavior definitely put me in some some sticky situation. Do you think it's more toxic women or men? M Who do I think the ladies I want to know, go to exactly a mad on also platforms and let me know who is more toxic?
Women or men? Dok sequels if you see. I think it's it's different kinds of toxic though, because women are like can be incredibly spiteful, you know what I'm saying, And that is a whole another level of toxicity. Men could just be fucking dumb and just be like assholes at the end of the day, you know what I'm saying, that's just like another level right there. And I feel like with men, it's kind of like, you know, they're big.
Our biggest thing is like lying to get women into bed, right, that's like the probably the biggest trait that somebody could Maybe you have to lie that much because women are so sexually freaking they're like, you know what, I just want to bust it that and stake it to me.
That's that's that's a great point, and probably a lot of a lot of dudes could have had that conversation and being a far better position than they would have had they had not just gone off the honest Yeah, would you be able to deal with that though, like an open kind of polyamorous relate, Hell no, we ain't doing that, you know what. I'm not gonna like for the man that the men that have h done me like that that you know, let's say a lot of a lot of times to say it doesn't have to
be a one day stand. It could just be like, Okay, I'm gonna take you out on several dates. Because a lot of guys when they really wanted. Hey, they will wait, they will wait, they will lie. They're gonna take you on a couple of dates. I thought about now. But once they get it in, they get in sack. So they want to stick it in your nose, in your ear, and we're gonna want to know everything to you, like I'm trying to get my money back. But it's true.
But I will say this, but so a lot of guys, I really don't think that they understand how that behavior creates like a top six cycle with women, because then now it's like they originally had all these good intentions for you, or maybe they actually liked you, and by you doing that, now the next guy that comes after you, he's gonna get the business because of what you did, and then it just creates this weird cycle where we're just you know, being spiteful to each other. You know,
it's weird. Well, what's like the I mean, like, what has a dude dunk? I'm trying to think of my own toxic behaviors, but like, what would is there one thing that sticks out in your head that like, damn, like this dude, he got me good with this really like just fucked up thing he did um, oh my god, if I tell you, I'm gonna feel terrible because I'm but I was I was really young, Okay, don't judge me, battle. I was really young or whatever. And I was dating
this guy, much older, guy, like twenty years different. Um, so he like he knew how to play and play me. And he basically we had a trip to the Dominican Republic, and he basically brought his ex girlfriend with us to the trip. But he was with me, but he brought her, like, you know, we're just really cool friends, you know whatever. We were already involved. I'm with you. He let it be known that whatever. And I was like, wait, I
guess it happens. You mean, it's a liberate me just trying to understanding, and yess, whole way at home, I went home and they staying in the trip because I just couldn't do it happen. Look, I couldn't do it. I saw them being too friendly. Sometimes I stayed sleeping in the room and they had already gone downstairs to have breakfast together, Like, oh, I didn't want to wake you up. It was just weird. I don't even know how I dealt with that. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say,
how does that even work? It's like y'all go scuba diving as a trio. I don't understand how this works on because he was like, oh, okay, she's gonna go see her family. I don't even know how I felt for it, but I felt that it was toxic because um, and made me feel insecure. It made me feel so conscious about myself and made me question even my sexuality, like sexually, was I not pleasing enough? Um? And made
me it made me doubt myself in so many levels. UM. Then I felt come stopy that you know, for being like open and nice and like all right, baby, I
trust you. See, here's where the once the trust is broken and messages up the cycle for every every other relationship, because then you're consistently questioning even if this person is not doing anything and you just said a new relationship, Now you're questioning, oh, obviously this guy is not gonna be like the other one, maybe you're gonna do this, or if this other person used to, like I don't know,
cheat on you by testing another girl. Now you want to see in your new relationship, let me see your phone, And it just creates like a really bad cycle of unhealed people started trying to start a new relationships and it's just bad. Yeah. I think that that's a great point. And you brought up something I want to touch on because you said it made you feel insecure about yourself,
Like was I not pleasing him sexually? And I can say from a dude's perspective that have the time when we look at another woman outside of our relationship, if we're not acting like, they don't have to actually be any more attractive than the current relationship that we're in. It's just the fact that it's something something right absolutely
and temperates. And like even when I was just running around and getting into situation ships, like there were times I would just go sleep with another woman that wasn't even as attractive as the girl that was giving me regular play, just because it was something new. You know. That's what the guys do. That's what the guys do. Yeah, No, that's terrible. You'll be leaving your girl and that's the
that's the Oh my women move ahead. But if I want to tell me that you understand where I'm coming from, comparing in my heart, I know you know what I'm talking about. When you know that your man is cheating on you with somebody who's raggedy. I'm like, if you're gonna cheat on me and make sure that that she looks better than me, that she's smarter than me, that she's better than me. But I think you're gonna go with somebody gainsai. Okay, Joe, why would that makes it
even more subconscious? Like, oh hell no, but it is true. Sometimes it's not about us, because that's the thing that women were always they being ourselves. Maybe I didn't do this to him, Maybe I didn't cater, maybe it would maybe and reverse man is more like she didn't do that. It's because I hurt and they don't blame themselves for it. Another question here, I want to see like where you're toxic line is drawn here? Okay, So I mean we
talked about it on my podcast. You know that you are a little protective over your men, right when it comes to being around other women. What about when it comes to like porn, Like is your man allowed to watch porn by himself and forth? I don't care if you watched porn by himself because I watched porn by myself. Shoot. Yeah, Sometimes it's like see that's like my new dick. You see how guys want you pussy? My new dick is like watching porn. It's like I'd rather watch a new video,
a new or like anything new. I'd rather watch that than to actually go physically share my body with someone else. Because I'm not a good cheater. I don't think that I could cheat on you and then come home to you and act like everything's regular. Maybe if I flirted, Yes, I'm gonna be honest. If I've heard it with another guy, Okay, that's it better. If I gave you, I could never come home to and be cool because I feel like, oh my god, he smells it. Oh my god, he
can feel it, and I actual weird. No, stop, don't do that anymore. Oh my god, that's stress. I can't do it. I can't do it. Have you ever cheated on somebody? I have never never physically cheated on someone. However, if learning is considered cheating, which it is, I cheated me. But I'm only I did it. I've only because that's why I asked you earlier, like, um, do you still want to feel that that that? Uh? Do you still
want to feel wanted by other women? Even if you're in a relationship, I'm like, I'm gonna really, this is my man. First of all, I'm gonna let you know I got some man. So no, but if you want to come in pretty and stuff or whatever, okay, go tell me, like tell me, oh my god, stop, don't see. I'll do it. But that's it. Don't call me not because I don't want so I will. I'm very flirting, and sometimes even when I'm not trying to be flirting, my personality makes you feel like I'm trying to holler
at you. I'm not. I'm just being nice right that That is a problem where I think a lot of men will mistake women being nice as like yo, she wants I'm just being nice to you, and all of a sudden I've heard it like oh yeah, because you know what I'm saying, you were trying to holler. I'm like me, he was like, oh yeah, because you know what I'm saying. You were talking to him. Yeah. I
talked to everybody a really nice verson. But but I'll definitely say that though, like, um, sometimes that those mixed signals can get guys confused. Better. Yeah, I've cheated, you know, as far as flirting. I've done that. What about yourself? Be honest, I've never cheated in a relationship. No, you never stuck it to then came back home and then you stuck it again to your girl. Nope, never happened. Never happened. And that's also I have only been in
a handful of official relationships before that. The rest situation ships. Yeah, exactly. The rest was like, yeah, it's casually. Didn't know, it's nothing official. You know what I'm saying. So we could go girls, listen to the dev he's giving game. That's another thing. You know what in a relationship when okay, not in a relationship, when do you make it an
official relationship? How do you know the difference in between the situation ship and a relationship, because a lot of girls sometimes be like, oh, this is my man, and he thinks this is just a situation ship. Sure right, I think you gotta have the conversation because I know, for me in the past, if we didn't have the conversation, I am still technically single and I can go do
whatever the hell I want to do. So that's how my mind was, and I think a lot of my guy friends would have Okay, So then who starts the conversation. I mean, whoever watched too. I guess at that point, whoever wants to lock things down, you know what I mean? Like I think I in my relationship, I asked my girl to to make it a fishal you know what I'm saying. So like I was definitely all in and okay, no, no, no,
I want to hear you. Okay, tell me pretend that your girls here, So like, how did you do it? How did I do it? Okay, Well, we went out to dinner and we had like a whole nice little nights together. When she came back to my place, I had like this whole giant sign. I went, like, you know, as if we were little kids back in grade school, like will you be my girlfriend? And a giant sign with candles lit up and and all that kind of stuff. Mm hm. So you know, so listen, hey, there are
good guys out there. Is what I want to make a point to say. But definitely I think that if it's not official, then you ain't in a relationship like you have, that that conversation has to happen. I don't care who in issue and talking about a Fisher relationship
or not. And I know this is away from being toxic and all these things, but like, do you ever feel the difference in between having well you've never been married, right, Okay, But I've heard this many tends on social media where there's a lot of people saying, oh, well she's doing girlfriend, she's doing wife things at a girlfriend's status. Um, what
truly is these days? What truly is a difference in between a girlfriend and you know, your wife, because these days, But I mean then then I don't even know the difference anymore. We lived together, we fuck, we share expenses, we do So what exactly is the difference we're in a difference between a situation ship and a relationship? Now, girlfriend, now that she's made it to the girlfriend, what's the
difference between the girlfriend and the wife? I mean, I think, first of all, I haven't seen this conversation too, and I don't think it's for any of us to necessarily tell somebody who lived their life. But what I think is you do have to be careful when it comes to like investments, I think is where you sort of start like getting a little bit shaky, you know what I mean, Where like if I'm if we're doing investments together.
Potentially if we break up, could really funk up my money in the future and like put us both in like a your place. To me, that's where I would start to draw the line, you know what I'm saying. And I'm not opposed to doing that. It just depends I think on how long I've been with somebody and like what the circumstances are of that relationship and what I'm saying. I think if you live like a levels, if you live together and you're both like sharing in all the bills and all that kind of stuff, I
think you graduated into a certain level. I don't think you necessarily have to be married to kind of do all of those different things. Um, I think marriage is just like kind of I don't know. I don't want to I don't want to say it's just a title. Do you want to get married? Yeah? I want to get married for sure, like legally with papers and everything. Oh yeah yeah, legally papers, uh, you know, with a priest and family involved and all that kind of stuff.
For sure. We're getting back to the topic. Hold on, what about you used to try to scape via this, this whole thing. I felt the shade coming from from across. I don't know. I don't think I want to get married anymore. I think that I want to get married, but just not legally what you did want to get married at one point and you're yeah, for sure, I don't. I don't think I want to do it anymore. Um, I don't think. I think that. I feel like it's jinxing and there's some there's like a weird spell in
that damn document. Then once you sign it, everything goes bad. There's relationships that lasts for like the longest time while they're together as a couple. Once they get married, things change and I would love to have the wedding, my wedding dress, wedding cake, everything. I just don't want us to sign that document. And if you and I are together and we have the rings, we we go through the whole thing. Why why does that document solidify what
we feel for each other? I don't know. That's just me, but knowing that you are in a you know, official relationship and you're happy and you're proud to that you have evolved into this great man, has she done an toxic to you? It's okay. Let me know she hasn't done anything. I would say, toxic toxic. We have had UM a couple maybe like jealous moments and it's and and like we kind of talked about UM, you know on my episode of this show. UM. A lot of it I have to take blame for because it was
like I wasn't present to our relationship. And not that I was out there hanging around other women or anything like that, but I wasn't doing a good job of separating work from my personal life. I was allowing myself to be distant, to be caught up in in like bullshit that I was doing at work, and like you know,
the stress of it all. And I wasn't showing up for my partner to make her feel like I was like truly invested in what we were doing, you know, so she didn't feel attached to me, and I kind of you know, created that environment where she wasn't really a part of my day to day activities. Just I was so caught up in everything. I know, how mature you are and how mature you talk, because it just
shows a lot of growth. You know that that you're learning with the experience, you learned with time, and once you start realizing what really matters you just start to get in that space, but maybe not her. But have you had any girl do anything super toxic to you?
Have I had a girl do anything? I mean, I definitely think I got cheated on for sure, like once or twice when I think about it, I haven't been able to prove it, but yeah, I definitely, like, you know, saw some weird Instagram comments that seemed a little bit too flirty. Um, you know, maybe some phone calls that weren't answered during certain times that they should have been. Um, you know, for for sure. From like I mean, this one girl, I would say she was probably the most
toxic girl that I made my my girlfriend. I think at the end of the day, she saw the whole DJ aspect of everything and then thought that she had like a free ride to kind of you know, sit around and not do much, you know. And she even moved in with me and and was living with me for a little while, and and to her it was just like she was cool with just kind of laying around all day and like as long as she cleaned
the house. She thought that that was like, you know, uh, showing up equally in our relationship back in the days, and some girls still have that mentality of like, you know whatever, this was a girl that just had that didn't want to do anything. She just want to be
a trophy wife. So that was you know what I'm saying, Like there's a difference between I think, you know, the idea of like a woman wanting to take care of you and those things, and I appreciate all that and I love that, but at the same time, there are certain women who just want to be a trophy wife that gets to sit up there on the pedestal all day long and to talk to a man that either has one or really enjoys just having a trophy wife.
I just want you to be home, clean the house, be pretty, go to the gym all day, and when I want to stick it to you, you're always available for me. Basically, don't say anything, don't have really much of an opinion, and I'm just gonna give you any You're gonna be hearing it. Yeah, Like you know, I don't know where are these men at and seeing theory it was nice Like the first couple of months, it was like cool, like I got I got this girl that like I'm you know, super attracted to that is
just there waiting on my on me. Basically, she just wants, you know, she wants to hear about my day. I get you know, we we fun. We do that and we and you know, my meals are cooked and my laundry is done. That was great, but eventually, like a month two months in, it got boring because it was like, yo, like your life volves around me, Like you have nothing to add to the conversation that doesn't have to do
with me, you know what I'm saying. So from like that would definitely, you know, with something younger that I learned, like, Okay, this is not the type of relationship that I want from me. The thing that sex is Margo j ah, you know, like that with someone that has toxic traits or with somebody that's go, babe, I don't care if you go out, you know, come whatever you want. You know, don't like somebody, don't argue, no holding, no, no, I don't know. Okay, I want to know how you feel personally.
I like a little toxicity. Most of the toxic toxicity. I absolutely do like it. I like it a little bit with be a little bit just like, oh who's that? It makes you feel like, oh my god, maybe you care about me. Yes, I'm not going anywhere a little bit. Don't go crazy, you know. I like a little bit man that puts a little pressure on me, and it makes me feel like, oh my god, you want your
protective you love me? Yes, what about you? Right? I mean I don't know if it's like toxic traits, but you definitely want I don't think you want somebody who's just kind of like whatever about everything, you know what I'm saying, who's just like, hey, you know, we're here, we get along, we're in a relationship, and that's that.
You know, Okay, you want to sex, sure, Like you definitely want some type of energy where it's like like you know, your girl is like randomly'll send you like a naked picture and and just to remind you, like, yo, this is this is what you got, you know, saying keep your head on. You know. Stuff like that I think is definitely, you know, a turn on. And and for sure I would definitely for for that over somebody
who's just kind of like there, yeah, it's just like whatever. Okay, So how about this, Let's go through some of the toxic toxic traits that men have or you know what, I just say, Ben, because I feel like this is men and women. But we're gonna put you up on game a little bit. And if you didn't know you're in a toxic relationship, you might just find out right now. Okay, So do me want to I'll give you one for example.
I think that someone that is toxic is someone who never takes responsibilities for or anything that they do, and they ever disrespect you, if they ever make you feel bad, if they ever hurt your feelings, that they ever whatever, they just always act like it's your fault or like I'm sorry you feel that way. Sure, what about you? What's another toxic trade? I mean, yeah, definitely you have
to take responsibility. That's like, I think that's a great one. Definitely, somebody who doesn't take responsibility for their funk ups is a huge red flag. Um. But also I think the like the machismo man who feels like they have to kind of control you. You You know what I'm saying. If if it's like, uh, you know, I don't want you wearing that outside the house. I don't want you hanging out with this friend. You know what I'm saying, Um, you know, I don't want you doing this or doing
that like that should be automatic red flag. And I think a lot of times women will be, oh, he cares, you know what I'm saying, and it's like no, no, no. There's a difference between me saying like I don't want you to go jog in the park at night when it's dark because it's just not safe for you by yourself out there. And there's between me saying like I don't want you leaving the house, you know, wearing that where maybe your boobs you have a little bit of cleave.
I don't want you wearing that. Like this a huge difference. So how about this one too. This is another good one. Um, when they disrespect your boundaries. If you're in a relationship with someone and you're like, babe, listen, I don't like, I don't know, I don't like when you can oh I've heard this one or something I had an issue with, but whatever, let me not put my business out there.
Never mind. But if I tell you, for example, I don't like you calling me I don't know, bitch, some guys will do that like that's my bitch, or and it may not come from a negative space or a fox with my bitch or whatever. It may not come from a negative space, or or I can say I don't like you're calling me pumpkin, don't call me sweetie, don't call me honey, whatever, baby, I don't, I don't. Don't wake me up at nighttime. Don't if I'm tired from sleeping. Don't wake me up because I have to
work up, wake up early in the morning. If you want something, you have to give me what I'm up or whatever your boundaries are. If I've already established I don't like this, or please don't do this. Once they started disrespecting that you're starting to that's one's signed their toxic. They don't respect you, then respect the way that you feel. That's not a good sign you got. Like a relationship, a lot of it is having mutual respect for that person.
You know what I'm saying, Like I should have I should be looking at at my girl like, oh my goodness, she's amazing. You know what I'm saying. She does, she's incredible with this stuff. Like it shouldn't be me putting down the person that I'm with. I shouldn't be you know, doing anything that I think kind of you know, goes against their own beliefs. Or like you said, even when it comes to like calling somebody abition, like no, I should never be saying anything that kind of degregates the
person that I'm in a relationship with. Here's another good one, this functional past. If you've been in a relationship with someone and then you find out that they were an abusive relationship, they were crazy. I just came out of jail because I beat this girl. Whatever it is that may have happened that signed this ain't gonna work out.
Red flag, Be careful. I'll tell you another one. Your gut, your girl will always tell you when something is wrong, that that other intuition of yours that you have in your system that tells you something is not right. Definitely listen to that. And if it also makes you feel like you consistently have to investigate searching, Look, that's another sign that either you're toxic, because you could be toxic, or that this person is not someone that you should trust. Yeah,
that's that's a good one. And I think actually this one I wasn't aware of, but my my girl had brought up to me. Look at the way that the dude treats his mom, you know, like, look at his relationship with his mother and if he has like a healthy relationship where he treats her with respect and all those things, I think that's a good indicator of how he's probably going to exist when it comes to the person that he's decided to spend it right his mom,
his children, uh, any women around him. That's a really good sign because sometimes you can tell just after wather they treat them the wather, they're probably going to treat you in a relationship. Um. And another thing when they're full of promises and you know they're like, oh, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do all this other extra ship you already know you're full of maloney. I don't know.
I think that we have to before we decided to get in off for relationships with people, and while we're in the process of dating people, when we see the red flags when people tell you who they are, believe them. You know a lot of times we don't want to believe it. We want to sugarcoat it, we want to pretend it's not there, or they're going to change trade that women have a lot and number one of those were fixers. We want to fix you. I can fix him.
I can make him better. No, you have to understand that you have to take people as they are, and they are who they are. If they're toxic, if they're crazy at their psychook, just expect for their root and there whatever, that's who they are. Can they change maybe in their own time with time mature. They have to want to change. They have to want to change for sure. Any advice I mean when it comes to yeah, I always say this. I think men show you exactly who
they are, especially more so than women. Like you can see who a man is, you know what I'm saying. I just think that that we're a lot more obvious about what we're trying to do, you know what I'm saying, where women could be a little bit more trickier to catch some of the signs. I think you need a little bit more time. But like, just look how a man lives, Like what is his lifestyle? Like, you know what I'm saying, Like who are his friends, what are
his hobbies? What is he doing on a regular basis? You know, because I think you know, going out like on a night on the town with your girls is a little bit different than like a dude who goes out on a night in the town with his boys. Like I said, you know before, for me, when I used to go out with my boys, it was always about trying to find a girl. Wasn't about us like sitting down having heart tarts and having a guide time or something like that, Like you know, we were all
on a mission. So I think men are a lot more like forward facing, front facing when it comes to what their intentions are and who they are. And you know a lot of women unfortunately don't pay attention to that for sure. For sure. Well, I'll tell you this much. I am such a fan of life as a green goal. You know you're out here putting in down work DJ that I almost thank you so much for joining me today. And by the way, you know, I'm trying to get
these streams up. I'm trying to get these subscribers up because this show keeps getting only but better to remember remember to rate us, Share this podcast with your friends, friends, tell a friend, friend, yo. You can't miss exactly amount of every Thursday is lit. This has been a production
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