Toxic Relationships (Pt.1)

or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's up. I'm Jacob Bertrand and I'm Solo Mighty and this is the Loan Lobos Podcast. Now you may know us from Cobra Kai or some of the other projects we've been on, but we've got a podcast coming out. Yeah, and every week we're gonna be shooting given our hardest takes on adulthood, growing up in the industry, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. If you've thought it, we've talked about it, or we're gonna be talking about it every week,

check it out. Check it out. I see you there. Listen to Loan Lobos wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tanya sam Post of the Money Moves podcast, powered by Greenwood. This daily podcast will help give you the keys to the Kingdom of financial stability, wealth and abundance with celebrity guests like Rick Ross, Amanda Selle's Angela Ye, Roland, Martin, JB. Smooth,

and Terrell Owens. Tune in to learn how to turn liabilities into assets and make your money moves by subscribe to the Money Moves Podcast powered by Greenland on the I Heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts, and make sure you leave a review. Hi, he said, you live in life as a lingo, where you question when you fit in every time you mingle, they say you do. This would not really bad. Yes, Hello, and welcome to another episode of Life as a Gringo. I

am DRAMs of course. I hope you all had an incredible weekend. Man. I am excited about today's show because it's been a long time in the making. Uh. This is actually my first time ever doing a like collaborative podcast episode, which basically means it's gonna be a two parter.

You'll get the first half of it here today with me, and then you're gonna have to get the second half of it on my guest or my guest co host, I should say for today's show, and I'll be on honest to say that my collap is with none other than a mal my fellow, Michael to a podcast network family. So, man, we're gonna get into a topic that a lot of people talk about. It's been a lot of weird glorification about this particular topic recently, So we're gonna dive into

all of that. It's gonna get a little juicy. She's gonna spill some tea about herself and maybe I will too. As we talk about toxic relationships, right, toxic man, toxic women, and we all know them, toxic people that we've had or currently have in our lives. Then blood suckers. It just suck all your damn energy. And usually it's worse when some of you're actually dating, because it's just harder and harder to get the funk away from that person. So we'll get into all that, and actually we're gonna

hop right into it. So no for the people in the back and today's show, any other normal listeners to the show know that I do a bit of a deep dive start off the show usually, but we're actually just gonna hop right into me hence this segment of our show with my partner for this episode. I'm excited. I got family in the building. Like I said earlier, my fellow Michael through the podcast Network. Family here with me right now, Mala Negra. It's good to see you,

gang ging gang. Good to see you. By the way. I love your energy. You're always lit, so you know what I'm saying. Yeah, and I heard your podcast is doing amazing the numbers. Listen, it's it's been good. I've been enjoying this ride. I'm really having fun with it. Yeah, that's we don't want me too. I am so grateful that we do that. Podcast Network gave us an opportunity to really showcase who we are, be exactly who we

are and um, and I'm enjoying the right too. This is something completely but I'm not completely but it was something new to me. I actually really like it. That's good to hear. I was. I was wondering because it's definitely a little bit different. It's like still you expressing yourself, but it's a little bit different. But I've been hearing that you've been getting pretty juicy on your podcast, so I was I was hoping you could kind of bring some of that energy over here just a little bit.

But I just want to know how juicy, how juice can I give you? Let's let's just go ahead and get get into it. I'm gonna tell my parents to tune out right now of this episode, my mom, Hi, Dad, I watch out of tune out of this one right here, because we already talking about relationships, but not just relationships, toxic relationships, right, Yes, yes we are, yes, and I've

been in a couple of those myself in my younger years. Ama, I'm not going to speak for you, but have you found yourself, you know, smitten by a toxic man on an occasion? I mean, I think that every single relationship I've been in has been a toxic relationship, even or not. I don't think I've ever been in a good stable relationship, even the relationship that I am in now that we kind of are, but not really because I don't know

what the hell is going on? Okay, I think that you know, this started off as toxic and it's still currently a toxic relationship. Isn't that trash? That? I mean? All right, let we gotta I want to dive into that. Now you're setting the stage for some real juicy this, which I like, why don't we Why don't we set the tone first? What what would you consider like toxic behavior? Like, when we're talking toxic relationships, what does that mean? Well

to me? In my case is like, if you're the type of person that you're like, um, digging in people's phones trying to see their messages or whenever the phone brings who's calling you or dad or like face timing, let me see who's around you, that's toxic. Um. Obviously not being able to have certain type of friends around I mean, I'm one of those though. That's one of my topics. That's what I'm gonna ask you. I don't have a problem you having friends like girlfriends, nor you

can have guy friends. We can have girlfriends, that's cool, that's cool. But if your girlfriend has the fat ass and her tips is always out and doing all that, no she has to go. We're not doing this, Okay, So let's let's start there. Because you're you're you're touching on a couple of my like, no goes. If I'm being honest here, when I get into a relationship, I can't deal with jealousy personally, okay, so let as you

suck your teeth. Okay, I mean why why do you kind of feel like that that's the case, Like, what is it with your relationship? You feel like you need to draw the line there. I think that you know what realistically, and I know that the girls can relate with me. Girls, I know you hear me. I feel that's certain men know how to make you feel secure, like you could be surrounded by a whole bunch of

beautiful women. I'm the first one to be like, damn, baby, look at her, she's pretty, right, or like, oh my god, look at her, butter, look at I'm cool as hell. I don't have a problem with that. But it's a certain energy that your man has to give you in your relationship to make it like it could be a whole bunch of women knowing that I can admire whatever and not be like drooling or like breaking your neck trying to like because as a woman, we know what are men like, we know what who can be your

type or not. So that's what I refer to. But Nikki, because I'm a I'm an entertainer, I'm in the entertainment industry, I'm surrounded by men and women all day. Whoever's with me, you definitely can't be jealous. So it's just the energy, like whenever I have a man, I'm gonna let it

be known, this is my man. I love him, I respect him, y'all can admire me, but at the end of the day, he's the one getting all of this Becausten, you bring up, you bring up a great point where you talk about the man has to make you feel secure and this is this is something I've just begun to learn now in my current relationship about where I

lack right. So I think there's a difference between a woman who is just like out of her mind crazy jealous at all times no matter what you do, and then there's like the understandable aspect of it where it's like you are not making your woman feel secure in your relationship, so her mind is gonna end up kind of drifting or wandering to some strange places. So let's

let's talk about that from from your perspective. For like a dude, what are like the traits that kind of make you feel like like is he doing something else like that don't allow you to feel very secure in your relationship? And girls, we already know this look saying. If you know what I'm saying, Okay, the flipping of the phone, the phone is always get turned down like the faces down, so whenever your phone brings, nobody can

see who's calling. Um, if you go to the bathroom and you take ten hours, first of all, nobody takes a shape for that long. If you're in the bathroom for like three hours and you have your phone and I see you on the WhatsApp or I see you on the Instagram or whatever, yeah, it's a problem. Um. If you are hanging out with your homeboys more than you are with your girl or not finding that balance,

that's also an issue. If you all of a sudden in front of your friends act a certain type of way because you want to you know what I'm saying, Oh this is my girl. Now you have to always show respect to your girl. Let it be known that you respect. The way that you treat the girls in the street shouldn't be the same way you treat the

woman that you're with. You know, Um, there's certain little demeanors, there's certain little things that that women we don't appreciate while being in a relationship with a manner dating someone that automatically makes us feel insecure, Like and I don't know the girlfriends. That's another thing. Like I said earlier, we don't have a problem you have. You know, all this has been my friends since I was a freshman

in high school. Not my cool you know, all that touchy touchy you guys just hanging Okay, we're going we're all going together. Okay, okay, so is it? See this is the issue I think I've had in a couple of past relationships where they wanted to control my life. Essentially. I feel like you know what I mean, Like every move that I made had to be approved by this by this person, and that person was not something that I was able to deal with, you know. But but

control what do you mean control? Because that's another thing, ladies, that's another thing. They'd be like, oh, you're trying to control me. What is it that you felt that they're trying to control you? Like how I mean, listen, I don't have to explain my whereabouts at all times necessarily, like if we if we end up on the phone, like you call me when I'm out and about and obviously like yeah, yeah, I'm out here hanging out with my boys I grabbed the drink after work or something

like that. But like, I don't I don't need to be like texting like hey, just so you know I'm doing this, just you know I'm gonna do this, just you know I'm gonna do that. Where I've had past relationships or girls that I was hanging out when I was younger that were like trying to keep tabs on me essentially and everything that I did. Yeah, well that's true. I mean I'm not that type of girl because I'm very busy, so I don't have that Like I feel

like that's the other thing. As women fambing, we need to make ourselves more busy. Make yourself busy and get a facial start cleaning, washing clothes, and event that they will do something, so that you're not like necessarily having all this free time to be concerned all the time about what your significant other is doing. At the end of the day, when a man or a woman wants to do something, they're gonna do it regardless. So you're spending all this extra energy and going crazy. Really isn't

gonna make a difference. I don't care if Bay is like, oh, I'm out here with my boys went and we had a drink. Old if I hear in the background, oh no maybe, oh okay, Oh my god, I misses so much FaceTime me right now? What if I'm just beating like the wing man from my friend, like he's trying to be single, he's trying to go pick up girls, and I'm just like hanging out, you know what I'm saying, just being social to help him out. And then oh, al,

because you're the helper. I get No, you're the helper right now? No, no, no, no no, And how do I know that that girl is for him and not for you? See, you can trust. It's trust, though, isn't it? I know? I know? Okay, you know? Is you know what it is? Women? We are protectors. We protect what is ours would be? Is there natural nature to be nurturers? It's like once I give you my tought, once I give you my my cookie, you belong to me like your mother gave birth to you. So life happy. So

so it's like I shall protect this. And then once you do that, I think that a lot of times, um guys can misunderstand that in the street. I'm not gonna say there isn't but my guys can misunderstand when the girl's being protective, when the girl's being concerned. Um, sometimes girls is way too concer earned. But you know, like for example, oh my god, I'm about to tell you something. I also said this on exactly I'm out on my podcast, but um, I have a GPS in

my man's car. What do you mean the GPS in your man's car? So what I happened was, so what I happened was I went to the I went to the to the cable store whatever, and they had a who went too little packs and then I was just I always liked the text stuff. So it's like, oh, here's the doorbell, here's the cameras, here's the security thing.

And I was like, oh my god, what is this And they're like, oh no, So this is like a little a little GPS basically that you put inside your wallet or your car or whatever the case may be, your keys so that you don't lose it like that off your phone you can just track it. And then

I was like, oh, this is great. So I have one in my wallet so just in case somebody steals my wallet and know exactly where that I have one in my keys and then I was like, let me try and see how far does this app really work? And then I went and one day he came out of the car to put gas, and when he went inside, I just dropped it. I dropped it inside the car where he can't get it out. Even if he goes

cleans the car, you will never find it. And now I tracked him, well, I don't do it anymore, right, don't do it anymore. I still have it in there and you don't have to change the batteries for like three years. So it was perfect. What can we analyze and break this down just a little bit? And I told him. I told him afterwards. But how did he react? He he looked at me like he didn't believe me. I told them, because that's another thing women guys pay

attention to this. Women will be saying things and you don't pay attention. It's like when girls say, oh, you know what, I'm gonna go for your friend. How about that? She actually may have said something that you got paid at time, because I'll be like, you know what, I would put a GPS in your car, Go ahead, I

don't care, Okay. So I actually did do it. And then one day I was in the cart and I just clicked the thing and again and it went bip, just to let him know, you hear that I wasn't playing is in here and then looking see I'm a

little toxic, right, That's what I mean. Listen, I was gonna say, but I think that there's hope for you, because I want to know what is it about your current relationship and your past relationship that drives you to this type of behavior that makes your mind automatically go there. To be honest, I think that he should appreciate what I did for him, really, yes, the GPS appreciate that because I'm concerned about his safety in this world and I'm just trying to protect him. So you know, I

think that he should be grateful. Like God forbid, somebody steals his car and guess who can find it? I can't, So you should really be grateful. Yes, oh my god. All right, we got more with the Mota just a little bit. But first let's take a quick break, ache, and then we'll be right back. I'm Ev Rodsky, author of the New York Times bestseller of fair Play and Find Your Unicorn Space activists on the gender division of

labor attorney and family mediator. And I'm Dr ad eating A Routcar, a Harvard physician and medical correspondent with an expertise and the science of stress, resilience, mental health and burnout. We're so excited to share our podcast Time Out, a production of I Heart Podcasts and Hello Sunshine. We're uncovering why society makes it so hard for women to treat their time with the value it deserves. So take this

time out with us. Listen to Time Out, a fair play podcast on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Black Effect Presents features honest conversations and exclusive interviews, a space for artists, everyday people and listeners to amplify, elevate, and empower black voices with great conversations. Make sure to listen to The Black Effect Presents podcast on I Heart Radio, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Tanya sam Post

of the Money Moves podcast powered by Greenwood. This daily podcast will help give you the keys to the Kingdom of financial stability, wealth and abundance with celebrity guests like Rick Ross, Amanda Sells, Angela y Roland, Martin JB. Smooth and Terrell Owens. Tune in to learn how to turn liabilities into assets and make your money Moves up. Subscribe to the Money Moves podcast powered by Greenland on the I Heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts,

and make sure you leave a review. All Right, we're back, and you touched on a couple of things that I want to get into. And you talk about how a woman when she gives it up right now, the men basically ohs or something, and I am I am an agreement with that because I think as men, we're just at their fucking whatever kind of comes in our way, you know, staying back in my single days. I'm gonna preface that by saying, but you know, we're out there

just doing thing right. But for women, there is, obviously, with society a lot more stigma that's attached to it, you know. I mean, when you're brought up your your most people are taught to really value their body, especially women. You know, that's just the way that it is in society.

I'm not gonna say, you know, there's right and wrong. Mean, obviously women shouldn't be shamed for being sexual and things like that, but just you know, when it comes to the norms, obviously, there's a little bit more especially in the Latin culture. Question. In the Latin culture, absolutely, so there's a little bit more thought when it goes into

sleeping with somebody from the woman's perspective. So I do, I do understand that, But what did you say that if you had any doubt about this man to begin with, you probably should not have given it up to him. Then, I know. But the thing is about being a toxic person is that you know what I really feel. Going on a deeper level, I think that sometimes toxic people attract toxic people, and we do that to each other because there's a lot of healing that we have to have.

But there's healings from past relationships, your upbringing, your mother, your father not being in your life. There's many things. In my case, I live on realized that I was always looking for men that didn't want me, and I've been very open about it. Any man that like if there's a whole bunch of men and they're all like feeding for me, okay, but there's that one guy that's like, oh, you're not really my type, and it's like, oh, you don't like me? Why I must have you. So it's

like that toxic energy. I also eventually understood and realize doing some deep searchs that that comes from being a fatherless daughter. Not having my father in my life always made me have to feel like I need to have that acceptance from that man, and it comes from that man that doesn't want me. And this is me going into deeper stuff, like there's a lot of girls that are raised without fathers, and even if you don't realize it, some of the decisions that you make when it comes

to dating comes from that. You know, you never had that protector. So you deal with a guy that can be that seems like he's a protector, but part of that is that he's rude or disrespectful or makes you put up with a lot of nonsense, and you're like, he loves me, you put up with a lot of stuff. Let's not leave men behind. There's a lot of men out here that, because of society and everything else, we're taught or we teach them men don't cry, suck it up,

be a man about it. And it's like you'll be in these relationships where you know this girl is not good for you. You know this girl is sucking the life out of you. She's like pulling you back from where you really need to be. There's a lot of things that you really think about it deeply that is not just in a funny way of like, oh someone toxica, is like what happened for you to get to that point where you're okay accepting this, where you deal with

these things and it's like a regular thing. You know, somebody from the outside looking in maybe like, yo, why are you doing this? Like why are you dealing with this person? And they don't even see it. They're like, don't see was wrong? It's what I've done my whole life, right,

So Yeah, basically I think that's a great point. I think even for me on the flip side as a man, I know that when I was younger and started getting my name out there and people started recognizing my face, it was like I finally was attracting all of the women that used to turn me down in high school. So I was like in this cycle of chasing after the girls that represented the girls that I longed for when I was a kid in high school, you know

what I'm saying. So, and a lot of them were just out for hanging out with somebody who had close proximity to celebrities or you know that they thought had money or had connections and could get into the clubs and had the bottle service and all that kind of stuff. And I was okay with having some of those types of women around me just because it was like feeling this certain type of void for me. So I'm definitely like I can relate to a lot of what you're

saying as well. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying that Sometimes when we talk about Lato, you know, people being foxicals or whatever, it's like it goes further than that. Now some people do O D and now I'm gonna go zero to a thousand. Being foxical can be from

like you know, babe, who are your texting? Or like you know, looking at every single person, to like your man's or your girls pictures or you know that's still a former being toxic, but it can go to the point where you're out here in jail based off being toxic. Like toxic can be cute like and then it can go from that to like I love you so much, I'm gonna stab you and kill you. You You belong to me, right right? Right, We've seen it in so many occasions

and abusive relationships. We've seen it, you know, and vice versa. Men get beat up to Now let's I always like to, you know, give the credit. They've been in situations better. You get to a point where you're with someone that's toxic, you're consistently waiting for them to change, because it can be those little, little small moments where you're like, well,

she's toxic, but it's not that bad. It's not that bad, So you're in the morgue, you know, right, So you have to also know when when toxic is too much like to toxic, like right, No, I agree. I think it gets to a point where you have to take your own safety into consideration, like how bad is behavior actually becoming and how much of an effect is it having on my ability to live like a normal life? You know, Have you ever done anything like super toxic?

Have I ever done anything super? I mean, I don't, I don't know. I guess you could. I've been a funk boy, definitely when I was younger, for sure, for sure, for sure, for sure, was a bit of a fun boy when it came to my dealings with women. It's not something that I'm proud of, you know, but definitely like, you know, being that guy that like, once I finally got it, you know, I was like, oh, now I'm too busy to hang out, you know what I mean,

and things like that, um and kind of. I never thought I was giving big signals because I think I genuinely and my core am a nice dude, So I

always just give out good energy. But I think it definitely gave out a lot of mixed signals for a lot of women that I just had the intention of sleeping with and that they thought I wanted a lot more from them, And it definitely caused me some some issues in the past, right, No, for sure, I'll tell you some something toxic I did in my younger years and and I didn't think it was toxic to you know,

pokemua and a better understanding. So I was dating this guy and long story short, I found out that he was cheating on me because one of his girlfriends called me and she was like, oh, who are you And I'm like, no, who are you, bitch? And she was like, oh, I'm his girlfriend. Like no, bitch, I'm his girlfriend. And

she was like, oh my god. Wait there's another one, and I said, we didn't mean this another one and then she called him in three way another girl that was his girlfriend too, and there was three of us and we were all talking to each other. We were so mad, but then we were like, we need revenge. So I ended up we all ended up blinking up together. We showed up at his house. One of them pulled out. I didn't drive back then, so she was driving. Um, she pulled out a bat. I popped all the tires

in his car. It was bad. And then she opened the door and banned the door. His mom came out, he came out. It was crazy. So I was like, wow, is that really how my toxic days started? Probably? Um? Yeah. And then also seeing things in my house else you know, my mom, you know, suffered from domestic abuse as well. Seeing those things unconsciously affect you and you don't even know how it does. Um. So yeah, there's a lot of toxic relationships out here. ITAMBI. I don't know they

have it in song, but itica it is. So now we're celebrating being crazy together. So do we see it in a good way or we're like, yo, we need to stop right. It's it's this weird thing. And I mean, and it's not just in our culture. I mean a hip hop you have, uh you know a lot of women rapping about like scamming men and things like that. Um and and kind of makes it like normalizing taking advantage of people and things like that. It's weird. It's

I don't I don't personally, I don't understand it. But it's definitely this weird cultural thing that we have about I don't know, bad behavior and embracing it. Yeah, for sure, I definitely agree. Um and more now, more than ever, I think. Well, I mean I think men started like during hip hop days and stuff, because during the R

and B s it was like more romantic. But now these days, um, you know, men have always been very open about you know, I'm just gonna smash and bounce like it's not even a thing, you know, I'm gonna get what I wanted of this person and not know how emotionally a woman can be involved. And now you've turned a good girl into a psycho. And they're like, oh, you see, all bitches are the same. No, y'all did that?

Girls don't start like that. It's like the same, the same way that a girl breaks a guy's heart or little boy's heart. After that, all hell breaks loose, you know. So it's like I really believe that that. Yeah, now we're just embracing it and uplifting it through music is

a cultural thing. Being toxic, talking about taking advantage of other people, you know, just oh my god, there's a song I ain't gonna say which one it is, but it basically says, get that and leave, you know, basically, get everything that you can on to someone and just leave and leave them hanging. And it's like, I get it because some guys deserve it. Battle what are we

really promoting? What are we really doing? Are we you wonder if it if it actually leaves us with like a fund up perception of what like love and relationships are, and like if if we're really I think absolutely, I think here, I think I really love in my relationship. It's by no means perfect, like we both have work to do, but it is a genuine thing where like it is somebody who's genuinely supporting everything I do and like, uh, celebrating their my wins as if they were hers and

and vice versa. You know, so I think it is real now it's difficult, you know what I mean. And I think you have to do a lot of work on yourself and you kind of have to change your lifestyle a bit if you want to find it. Because for me, my life was in the clubs and you know, traveling and all that kind of stuff. You know, So being out and about in those environments wasn't where I was going to find somebody that I was going to probably connect with on a deeper level, just because it's

not like set up that way. You know, a club is not place to have a conversation with somebody. You know, it is not what it's being promoted. Because they're talking about like, oh, I want to get me this girl and we're gonna be together and we're gonna crock together. To the anybody's saying that, it's like, oh and this busines't work out. Next I gotool and then and it's like, how do we promote, you know, a healthy relationship. How do we promote being good together and not being crazy

towards each other? How do we how do we get into that positive space where you see it in movies, you see it on TV, you see it in the you know, you're hearing the songs, it's like, yeah, where is the promotion of the positivity here? It is tough, especially the industry that we are in, right because it's like, it's it's exciting to see like, let's say a DJ recap video and I have I have like a ton of girls in the booth and I'm getting drunk and

doing whatever. But like seeing me on my couch with my girl on a Friday night is not that exciting to watch on the internet, you know, and vice versa when it comes to you, you know what I mean, Like people would love to men want to fantasize about being able to date you, you know what I mean, And they want to, uh, you know, see you all dolled up and sex up and not like chilling boot up in the house, you know, on the weekends and

something like that. So it is difficult I mean for you though I haven't I haven't dated anybody like in a relationship that was in the entertainment space. But for you, have you found that being a public figure has made it more to bring up I should say, has it brought out more of your toxic traits? Um? Probably probably because I'm sorry, I don't care what nobody says thought, Oh you love me and I love you Romeo and Julius,

not out of me, not prout of it. And so they get the Prince Charming or anything He's gonna come from the sky running a horse is not happening, you know. And I think that also growing up, we watched Disney, We watch all these cartoons and all these da all these fairy tales of what a relationship should be, and that's not what the hell it is. Relationships have to go with failure, you have to put up with, you have to have patience, you have to argue, then you

have to of each other as a whole. Bunch. Is a roller coaster of emotions and things that you have to go through to be able in a long lasting relationship. Every time you have an issue, y'all can't just break up and give up because if not, in Thun said, where are you going, You're gonna be changing people, you know, every week. So to me, it's like love do foculi feci um. But there's no perfect relationship, and we've been

sold this idea. It doesn't exist. You know, you have to work things out, and with the people being toxic at this point, I don't know. I don't think it's gonna get any better because the way that society is promoting it, we don't see um the love being shown, and I feel that people are together because of convenience for the most part. For the most part, it's like why benefiting? Then I get out of you and guys versa. Do you have a job? How much many do you make?

Where do you what do you drive? Men these days are doing the same thing. Before it wasn't like that. Men used to just find a woman that would have nice hips because she had good hips, she could have you know, she could get a birth, too many children? Those mindset you know, can you cook? Can you clean? Do you come from a good family? That was a mindset. Now is like, so what do you bring to the table? Do you work? You got money? What you do? Canphy

wife for Instagram type thing? Can you be my trophy wife for Instagram? Physically? You know, I'm thinking for a certain type. So anyways, it goes from all these perspectives. So now it's no longer about real love. It's no

longer about I'm gonna ryan die with you. You know what I'm saying to the bad so now you're just concerned about, like, I'm gonna be talking with this person because I don't want to lose them, because if I lose them, I'm gonna lose his money, or I'm gonna lose this opportunity, or I'm gonna lose this look that I've been giving to society of this is it's kind of gotten foggy. It's it's foggy, you know. I think it's a good place to kind of hit pause for

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we are back with Madela Negra. You know, it's gotta be tough though, because you are you're also in an industry and and it's different for women there. They have an even larger magnifying glass on them, like where people are constantly focusing on some of probably your biggest insecurities, even just physically, you know what I mean, like when

it comes to comments on social media. Right, so you're already constantly existing in this place where you're being attacked and people are constantly trying to point out your flaws and and make you feel sort of bad about yourself or insecure. It's got to be hard to not sort of bring some of those insecurities into a relationship. I can only imagine no for sure, for sure, and I obviously being put That's why to me, I'm setting you earlier. I feel the people think that I'm in like Sexy Launder.

I I'm just in the house and I want to be here with a grandma, with a grandma that represented and with my grandma pantings and do my best life. And I'm not like doing the most but what I do want to ask you is now that you've gotten you know, people have gotten to know you. Um, now you you know, obviously acquire like a bigger fan. Based on all these things being in a relationship, how much harder is it for men? Because I feel like women to each of zom judgment free zone. But um I

women throwing themselves actually knowing that you're in a relationship. Yeah, I mean it's weird because I think I always say this, you know, regardless of you know, who the woman is, every woman has a guy and her d M is trying to trying to at least smash you know what

I'm saying. Doesn't matter if she's a celebrity, if she's a teacher, doesn't matter, right, Um, but for men, even really good looking men, I'm not putting myself in that category, which just generally speaking, good looking men have to do a little bit of work when it comes to find, you know, talking to a girl. Like a lot of the the sort of courting phase falls on men to a degree, right when it comes to to like, you know,

making the first move and stuff like that. Um, So it is weird to have women making it incredibly easy to to basically sleep with them if you wanted to. And also so you like to put in the world were not now because you already taken right back then you like to be the chase, not the chaser, but to hunt. You like to put in the work. I think the Yeah, I actually think that the work was more interesting than like the sex itself, you know what

I mean. Like, I think that the idea of being able to find the girl, you know, have her interested enough in me that she's attracted and she wants to hang out and do those things like that was a bigger payoff than these sex itself. The sex was usually like you know whatever, mediocre at best. I think that casual sex is generally not gonna be great because you don't really know the person that well, you know. But I think, yeah, the payoff was always kind of the chase.

And I think for me now at this point in my life, I had to have a conversation of like our what do I kind of want to see my life? Like how do I want to see my life? As do I want to be the dude who is constantly searching for this high from outside people? You know what I mean? Like women and trying to go to the bars and take home women because I've talked this before, but like for me, a lot of times, it became

going out with my friends. It would be like a disappointing night if I didn't take a girl home with me, you know what I'm saying, And like I wouldn't have enjoyed my night, you know, So it just became a game to me, and I had to have a real conversation, like, yo, do you want to actually build something substantial, have somebody that you can you know, work with the long term, or do you want to live this life for your constantly just chasing after something that really is never gonna

be fulfilling. Let me ask you this drama because you know, I've never had a dick, right, but okay, if I had a dick or whatever, Like I don't get it because maybe I'm a girl and I think I'm a woman. I think too deep into it, But like, I don't know, how do guys go to the club, go to whatever, take a girl to him, even if you put on, you know, a condom or whatever, which I'm sure that a lot of men don't do. But let's say you put on a corn or whatever. And don't say you

have all those juices. I eat your balls and your thighs. I e I. You don't even know who this girl is. You're like case in her goal as to it's all juicy and wet. I eat, but you just look good. So after you're done, because as a woman personally, I've never had a one night stand, take me out, feed me, talk to me on this crap that I know you're lying all this thing and after okay, fine, I'll give

it to you. But for women, a lot of times after you have one day since where after you do these things, you feel come okay, saa you feel use me for men is like, nah, you know what I'm saying. I just did what I did. Like I don't. Yeah, I feel you don't feel nothing when you put it that way. I feel gross about it, Yeah, of course when like, but you know, I'm not actively it wasn't actively thinking about that, you know, and a lot of men don't either. But but the thing is now like

removed from it. I'm like, yo, like, I am really really lucky that my behavior back then didn't end in you know, uh ship std S didn't end in you know, getting involved with the wrong woman who like totally did something that would ruin my career, ruin my life, um, you know, or or getting somebody pregnant or something any any of the things that could happen when you're sexually involved with people or intimately involved in any way. I'm

very fortunate of that, you know. And that's also like a big reason why I'm happy to be in this phase of my life because those are no longer things that I have to worry about, and my life is a lot more peaceful, you know when I think about it in that way of like not having to be concerned with those kinds of things. Um So for the guys out there that are going through that stage right now and they're living it up, you know what I'm saying,

free balls damn the way. Why everywhere, especially during the pandemic. During the pandemic, there was a lot of during the pandemic, there was a lot of people were just like, you know what, we're born. Let me just call my ex girlfriendlet me call that girl that I never called back, and let me see if I can get some um, if you could give an advice, knowing where you're at now, been there, done that, I'm in a different place in life. What advice would you give to the guys right now

they're going through that stage. I don't. I don't think it's worth it. I think that you're trying to, you know, fulfill a whole that you avoid, that you have that could be fulfilled more healthily, you know. I mean, like, I don't think there's any man out there. And we can all be tough guys and say we don't feel anything, but like, there's no dude out there that doesn't you know, feel empty after a one night stand when you're still alone and your life is still going through whatever you're

going through, you know what I'm saying. And the beauty is that when you are able to move on and grow up and find somebody, you're in a much more settled place that you can not have that feeling of being alone, you know what I'm saying, Like, like, there's something beautiful about growing up and enjoying the other aspects

of life, right it really is. And and you know, not a lot of men talk about this, want to be vulnerable about things, but like, yo, there's something beautiful to just have somebody who's like your partner in crime throughout everything. And and that's an exciting thing. I think. Another thing for me was like flipping the script of the adrenaline rush that came from trying to get other women, but then kind of flipping that into how can I

consistently do things to make my my girlfriend happy? Right? Like that's my rush? Now you know what I'm saying, Like you have to create these games. I think in your head, I think that as as you're you're rolling your eyes and me, that's a real thing. No, I believe that. But then now I have a question though, because a lot of times, at times when you're in a relationship or you're with someone already, it doesn't mean that you still don't want to feel you're still wanted

out of the streets. So, yeah, do you be answering It's okay, hey, do you be answering some of the dms? Just like, hey, oh thank you? You You know what I'm saying. Do you still answer even though you don't want anything with them? But do you still like to be pursued by other women knowing you love your girl? This is your main No? I see, I don't answer them. I don't answer those d ms. I'm for real, for real on that one. If somebody DMS me like, YO, you

look good, you all want to hang out? Like whatever, I don't respond to those dms. If somebody and this is a matter of woman, if somebody DM and it's like, um, the man in there too, they'd be trying to yeah you have you have some dudes. But like but it's like regular dms, like somebody's like yo, I really funk

with that last podcast episode or I like this. I'll respond to those, but anything that has to do with like somebody flirting with me, I'm not going to put myself in a position where potentially I could funk up everything that I have going on right now. That's because that's exactly what social media will do. Though. Make sure that you're like all things. Isn't that screenshop? Oh my god, John wasn't trying to get with me? And then they

start a whole situation. Absolutely, and listen, I want to I want to flip the script a little We've been talking a lot about me and my perspective with toxic women. I want to talk about you and your experience with toxic men a little bit more. And so we're gonna do this in your podcast. So we're doing like a two parter here where you're your guest on my podcast. Here we're talking about it, and then we're gonna continue on with your podcast, which I'm really excited about as well.

So we'll we'll pause here and they're gonna to tune into your podcast to get the rest of the juicy this alright, Gang Gang Gang, and that will actually drop. That second part I'm talking about will actually drop this Thursday, October one on her podcast exactly a maa. So make sure he goes serch for that. Find it everywhere that you find podcasts. I'll be listening to this one right here. Search for exactly Amata and you will find our second

parts to this episode. And of course makes she follow her on social media on Instagram at al a l N to keep up all that she's got going on. And what that said is we kind of hit pause on this conversation between myself and Amta. Let me get y'all's take, of course, in our ask a Gringle segment as alright, and y'all know I had to get your opinion. I had to have you wait in on this conversation. So any new followers at DJ Dramas. I always post a question on my Instagram where I want to get

y'all involved in the conversation. I want to get your opinion on all that we are talking about. So at DJ Dramas on Instagram, you'll see it in my stories where I'll ask the question, you can participate in the show, and I'll read it on the on the air. Now, let's see. For today's conversation, I simply just ask people, have you had a toxic relationship and what made it toxic? So I'm gonna get into a few y'alls responses. So I got a few on this topic and that, of course,

it is cheating. At Silly Underscore, t Underscore eighty five said trust was gone after he cheated and it went downhill. And now the flip side of that, my guy, the Young Philosopher at the Young Philosopher says cheating which leads to lying and distrust. And that's the fact I mean, in all honesty, I've never cheated in any relationship that I have ever been in. It's something that I hold very near and dear my heart. I just personal view it as the ultimate sign of disrespect and listen, I

get it. We all make mistakes, um, in this life, and I'm not here to judge anybody for any indiscretion they may have had in previous relationships or in the current one. Hopefully you know you you learned a lesson and you know didn't repeat your mistakes. But yeah, with that said to me, again, the ultimate side of disrespect

is cheating. And somebody who's willing to go that far and to throw your relationship essentially out the window and disrespect you in that way, I mean, it says a lot about what they think about you, I feel like,

or how much they value the current relationship. And again not to say that people can't change, but at that moment in time, you were thinking about that momentary pleasure that you're gonna get, you know, from getting off with this random person, and not thinking about the other person who probably cares about you deeply, and it's gonna be heartbroken by this indiscretion, and that is toxic. And somebody is only thinking about themselves. Let me see at a

k A Underscore Twin said, yes, he was a habitual liar. Man. If there's one thing in this life that I cannot stand aside from cheaters, um, it is fucking liars, Like, oh my god, especially if I'm not dumb, I'm gonna catch you in this little lie that you're putting out there, and then what like, there's no going back from that, Like once you've already admitted that you've blatantly lied about

this thing. And obviously there are levels to it. There's there's different things, you know, especially when you first meet somebody, you might leave out certain details just at the beginning, and then you kind of have a discussion later on, like I get all that stuff, But when you're actually in it and you were just lying about ship over and over it, like that's so fucking toxic because how

am I supposed to ever trust you? And that's one of the biggest kind of cornerstones of any relationship is trust. And if I can't believe you know what I'm saying the word of the person that I'm seeing, what kind of a relationship is that. Let's see at how the we neede if I sun that, I'm sorry, I don't even know if you're l and I just try to put a little actually you know, spice on that one. You said, um, yes, they were emotionally manipulative, and you

threw some nice red flags in there. But yeah, emotional manipulation. Let's discuss this a little bit. You want to talk about like fucking toxic one on one, Like it is scary to think that somebody would purposely play with your emotions and manipulate them just to favor whatever it is they're trying to convince you of. Like that's some like psychotic type ship, not not. You're judge anybody who's ever

done that before? I understand Again, we'll have, you know, moments that are a bit lesser than the person would actually like to be. But man, there are are people out there and this is like a form of abuse essentially because you're manipulating the person in a relationship with, Right, And we see this all the time in abusive relationships. Right, someone who will essentially isolate you from the people in

your life. Right, that's what they kind of do. One of the first kind of big steps they do, um so that you know, nobody can kind of get in your ear and tell you, you know, to get out of what's going on, or to let you know that what this person is saying is not true. And what's scary is that you've ever kind of had people try

and mind funk you. It's like it becomes really difficult to know what the truth is, right, Like, you have one side of yourself that's telling you something isn't right here, But then you have somebody kind of playing to your fears and your emotions and then knowing the specific ways that they and sort of get you to think a certain way, and it's like you're having this internal struggle like not knowing what is actual real life. You know,

it's a very very scary thing. And listen, Yeah, anybody that's in a relationship with somebody who tends to UM kind of twist and turn their emotions and figure out ways to sort of manipulate them to think in in the way that they want to, that is a huge red flag and you need to get away from that person. Those are very scary tendencies UM that could eventually lead to, you know, far worse things than just them even messing

with your head. And this last one, actually I want to read UM has nothing to do with relationships, but actually has to do with friends. And you all know I've talked about this before about the circle that you keep at Cross Underscore Soul set up all my friends wanted to do was drink, party and get into trouble. If I didn't want to, they would belittle me. And yeah, that's actually a toxic friend group right there, who really

doesn't give a funk about your own well being. They really just care about keeping the party going, you know, keeping the things that they seem to be enjoying going at the expense of what actually is making you happy or in this case, probably making you miserable. And I hope that you've you've been able to walk away from

that friend group. I mean, a relationship is a bit more difficult because a little bit more invest that I feel like emotionally, but also I mean, listen, it's hard to walk away from from friends, right it's like your social circle, your outlet for having human connection, you know

what I mean. Like, if those are the only people that you know, it's really difficult to go into this really lonely place until you kind of meet other people that you connect with, and especially the older you get, it becomes even more difficult to like make new friends, you know. But I salute you if you have pulled yourself out of that situation or at the minimum recognize that it's just not a healthy friend group to be

a part of. And with that said, thank you all so much for participating in this Ask a Good Anglo segment again at dj Dramas on Instagram. If you want to be a part of the conversation and let's do you know what, we'll do a quick conclusions to Even though this episode technically is not done yet, it's only part one of two. Again, you'll have to listen a new part two on Amadas podcast with quick little conclusions

to what we've been talking about so far. All right, so I want to be very careful because I don't want to give away too much of the conversation because obviously this is only part one. But I think one of the funnier revelations about this one is Amata kind of coming to terms the fact that she might also be on toxica right a little bit. Have have some toxic behaviors, um, I mean, and listen, we've all been there.

I've been there when I've been young. Not to say that when you, you you know, show certain behaviors or you you act out in certain ways, that it means that you're doing forever. But it is important to become aware of those traits and really important to be aware of those traits and potential partners or people in your life, and also recognizing where some of these behaviors and yourself come from. You know, I'm obviously on a lot of episodes that talk about kind of doing that internal work,

and this is a part of it. Right, Like relationships in order to have a healthy one, it also takes a good amount of inter gona work on yourself right to fix and correct certain um negative traits that you might have that are just not conducive to a healthy relationship. And you owe it to the person you're getting into a relationship with and also yourself to kind of try and come in terms of some of this trauma that

you might be carrying around. But you know, that's all I'm gonna say here, because again, this is a two part episode. I don't want to give away too much, and part two gets pretty juicy. Amadas gonna put the full court press on me, uh and get my perspective on a lot of other things, and you know, we'll also get to know her just a little bit more. I feel like, again that episode will be airing on her podcast exactly Amada. Part two of our conversation about

toxica and toxicals toxic people in our lives. That will be on Thursday, October one, So this Thursday, you're able to check out part two on a Modest podcast exactly a mata. And with that said, thank you all so much for tuning into another episode if you like what you heard. If you're new here, please feel free to subscribe and check some of the past episodes. I'm really loving where this podcast has gone so far, and it's only growing, so hopefully any new listeners we're bringing you

along for the ride. And of course, my O g S my day once. I appreciate you guys more than you know for holding it down and helping this thing grow the way that it has. With that said, I'll catch y'all on a modest podcast exactly a mode of this Thursday for part two of this one, and we're still gonna be dropping a second episode of Life as a Grain as we always do to a week on Thursday, so you'll be getting to double the episodes on Thursday. I appreciate all the love and I will talk to

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