Social Media Boundaries with Comedian Vanessa Gonzalez

always try to spice it up. Some episodes are educational, but today it come okay, a combination because I really want to know how am I supposed to handle certain situations? And I'm sure at some point you've been through it, so tell me if you can relate. Look, today's topic is about social media and relationship boundaries meta. It doesn't matter how beautiful you are, it doesn't matter how much money you have helped you are Oya, men will cheat regardless.

It's social media flirting considered cheating. I want to know what you think. What about dming them? What about giving them legs? Hearts? I have a guest, but of course I have my producer Alex, who's gonna join me today and He's gonna give me the male perspective on these social media boundaries as far as relationships are concerned. And we're not alone. Just like I mentioned before, let's break down the guests that we have today. She has been

featured on True TV's Laugh Mobs, Laugh Tracks. She was part of HBO's Inns and you could also catture on Comedy chinnas HBO Max Vanessa Gonzalez, Welcome to the Thanks so much for having me. Guys. Of course, of course, thank you so much for coming in today, for joining because I really want to know how you feel about these things because life has changed so much in social media. Are you in a relationship? Married? So that I read to mingo, what's your what's your story? I have a

boyfriend and we're gonna be eight years. This justmberum, but I'm not No, I'm not married yet. Mom, calm down, everybody, but everyone keeps asking why and when and who? How does this work? A boyfriend for for eight years? Why what happened? Everything? That's the funny thing is everything's going good. He loves me, he supports me, he knows that I'm on this career path with comedy, and he's been there

every step of the way. I feel like the big thing that I've had to learn with being in a relationship is not letting everybody else's was that I don't know, you should be married by now or he probably are like everybody else's opegative. Yeah, And I'm like, but I know the truth. He's here, we're good. So who's more eager to get married? You? Him, your mother? My mom?

For sure. I think she she wants the wedding for her and and you know, I feel like I owe her because I didn't have a concinea and that was heartbreaking for her because I'm the only girl, and so that was a big deal. And she was now with a wedding. She's like, don't do this to me. Don't take that from me. Please, you have to have a wedding, right, So she wants that, But me and him, I told them I don't want a surprise, Like I'm not here waiting for somebody to ask me, will you marry me? No,

we're adults. We're gonna talk. If you want to marry me, let's have the conversation. I don't want to be surprised in a park and it's all cold or whatever, okay, And we have had conversations and we both do want to get married, and you know, every every day we kind of like, will you marry me? Will you marry me? Well, then I'll ask you this much. In these eight years of relationship, honestly, has it been a rollercoaster of emotions

or do you think that your relationships? You know, it's been neutral, We've been good or been like up and down all over the place. Oh, it's been a lot of ups and downs. You know. We we live when we met, three months later we moved in together. It was hap and then about three years after that, I was like, I'm moving to la I want to pursue comedy.

So he wasn't ready yet. So then we did long distance for two years, and then the pandemic hit and then I came back and then so we're living together again. So we've been through it all. Have you had Have you had any social media inconveniences anything that has cost you know, your relationship to be have a little friction

because of social media? No, thankfully, No. I get more dms, you know from guys, a lot of older guys that are like, I want to take care of you and I just show him to him and we laugh about it. And you're also on the road a lot, right, So tell us a little about your your comedy career, because you did mention it your alluded to in the beginning of the episode, so like for us, tell us a little about a little background on this because obviously the

people won't know. Guys are gonna get into your dms because you are in entertainment just like I'm outa is and you're out there putting yourself, you know, in front of thousands of people. So yeah, I mean, well, I am on the road right now with Chelsea Handler. I've been opening for her and I've been doing my own headlining dates. But um, yeah, I mean I get those dms, but I don't answer them. I don't even I just delete, delete, delete,

block delete, because for what I don't. I feel like if if my mind was trailing off and I did want to have those thoughts, I would gather. I think that's why people do it when they're like Puss on board, I'm going to talk to this stranger or whatever. But I don't. I don't ever go there. And yeah, because I feel like it's just a messy, messy road. You're walking in mud at that point, and if you start

texting people back, yeah, I'm sure, I'm mana. Have you had Uh we're gonna get into the whole Adam Levine thing, but how close I'm out. Have you been to to something similar to Vanessa? I mean, like you, your dms must be blowing up on the daily. Yeah, I mean my dms be crazy. And I'm not gonna lie. I have cheated. I have social media cheated. I Am going to be honest, and I know it's terrible, but Domina, I mean, this is exactly a matter known filters uncensored.

I didn't think that social media necessarily was cheating till somebody else did it to me, because I just felt like, sometimes you just want to feel like Mina, I just want to feel I still got it. Go get talk to me, me and them like, oh my god, yourself. I'm like, thank you. Only messages, no patris or nothing, no WhatsApp, no exchanging the phone numbers, no, none of that. But you know, I've had had convert Wall being in

a relationship. I have had certain conversations that I feel if he would have done it, I would have felt like that was mad, disrespectful, mad and unappropriate. So social media didn't necessarily get me in trouble per se, or sometimes it did because it would accuse me of cheating or talking to like the most random person that I'm like, only if you knew that I am talking to somebody,

but is that that person? And unfortunately, those little conversations can lead up if you don't know how to control it, it can lead up to other things. So it can be a little bit dangerous because I do get a lot of messages from like politicians, rappers. Yeah I'm not only if you knew all types of people ec no

ayo mandun. They'll send somebody to you know, hit me up and then be like, okay, this information is actually for a political Blase Blase of Puerto Rico or something, and I'm like, oh yeah, okay, well, I mean I guess it's different. It gets intense in them DM. Yeah, because guys with money are hollering at you. I'm getting

the four ones, yes, so this is that. That's what's funny, right, because you just mentioned someone else is writing these messages for someone with money or whatever of some type of celebrity. So that happened that was not the case for Levine. He wrote his own messages, He sent his own messages. These girls kept these messages and then publicly put it out there for everyone to see that he was, you know,

sneaking into dms. He was talking about what he was going to name his daughter via these DMS, like he was getting deep into these conversations and he was lying. Then I didn't say that part. I said everything else, but I didn't say that bit shit, your your lying ass. You know you said it better way. So the only thing that happened was that he got caught because get

the nick without them being meta. If I learned anything from my past two relationships, shit, is that you have to be with somebody that has something more to lose than you do. You can be with if you're going cheat, it's gonna sound terrible. That's why a lot of people cheat with married men, because you have more to lose.

You're gonna make sure that I mean not Pino relaxation. Now, if you'll go with a single girl that's young, that has nothing going for her life besides the fact that you are a huge celebrity and huge name, or you have money, of course she's gonna make sure that everybody knows that they smashed and Tone said she went in the memo Hillo trying to get views in life that he'll went, No, I agree, and I just I don't know. I don't understand why, Like, you know, when you're that

famous in this age with screen shots and recording. Now, I'm like, why would you risk it? Why, if anything, just go with another famous person at least? Oh my god. Right, yeah, he just went straight for although quote unquote models on Instagram. I think that's what that's what got to him. And it's just it's just crazy how I don't have any of you ever, and it doesn't have to do with dms. Have any of you had that problem where someone screenshot

at something and shared it. I'll tell you this, Um, yes, I've had people to do They've done that to me, like even comments or messages that we've shared and they've shared it, like oh my god. My other nigga just answered me and she said, and I'm like, wow, you're such a groupie. Okay, I know not to a message you no more battle. I did make sure that on my past relationship, he sent an NDA moving forward, It's like you want to date me, you have to send

an NBA. That's why if I speak, I say certain things and I do it very lightly because you know, I want to be fair. But legally, you can't say anything about our relationship, what we did, what happened, because I will sue you. I will sue you for everything that you don't have, and I'll make sure that your life is miserable because we had an agreement. So if you want to stick it to me, Bobby Meeta signed

this paper right here. Yeah, okay, I love that, see too that Unfortunately, we live in this world where you can't trust anybody even if you're in love right now, you don't know what can happen tomorrow. You have to do that stuff. Whenever I got my first big check, I before I asked my boyfriend to marry me, I said, will you sign this prenup for sure? That's what I

was going to ask you, Vanessa. Have you have you said those boundaries within the not only the relationship, but with anything else right Like you're um, you're in the public eye, So how far and how much do you guys share on social media? And how much you know of that is allowed when the relationship? Yeah, I feel like we're both kind of with in terms of our private life and our relationship. We're both private about that.

You know, he's a photographer, I'm a comedian. So we stick to just posting what we do and our brand and all that stuff. But yeah, I feel like what's helped us is that, you know, we share. I see his phone, he sees my phonduct. Here we go. She was going to jump in here, here we go. I don't have anything that h Okay, you check his phone, he checks your phone? Huh, not checking, not checking, not snooping like that, but like we'll sit next to each other and be like, oh, look at this message I got,

and next to each other, look at this message. Because you know, when they're not going to send you a message, you put it plate moone. No, nobody's texting me. I don't know. I don't have that many dms coming in like you. I'm still over here, Like I say, it's just the snooped. Have you ever snooped in his phone? Never? You've never not, not any inclination or anything, even past relationships. No,

I mean past ones. Yeah for sure. And get because that intuition was right and they were fucking around and doing all that, like your natural intuition is it when when when he's sleeping, where he's sleeping next to you, behind the bonus right there, it's right there, like you know he's not even going to roll over. You never feel like, let me just commo. No, and he falls asleep with it in his hand too, so I just

always I have to put it away. No. No, I feel like we have very open trusting you know, we talk, we communicate, and it's just a feeling. Like I said, with those guys where your heart is telling you he's fucking around, then yeah, you fucking check the phone. But when you find that person where you really communicate shit and or that they know how to do it or that they know how to do it better, I am

definitely there. Go. Now, let me ask you this in your relationship, right, since you guys are so open as far as your phones and things like that are concerned, do you have any social media boundaries with him? Is there anything that you're like, mita, you can't like this bitch pictures, don't talk to her or have you ever had those moments there was Well, it's funny because a lot of them are my friends. No. Wait, he's liking

your friend's pictures. Okay, that's it. Yeah, where I'm like, well, you know he follows my friends, And I'm like, well, you know a lot of the pictures are titties out, ass out and I'm like, well, I guess I liked it too. So you're saying he can't like any of your friend's photos. He can't like any woman photo. Lady,

Hold up, let me tell you something. If if yo man my man meal and meal that his mother gave birth to him for me, If my man starts to follow my friends, okay, cool, my friends better be ugly, because like she better be like missing all her tea. She better be all the way messed up. If you want, if you want to be my friend's friend, she better not be fine. None of my fine friends you can follow. And if you follow them, I better not. No, you can't follow them. You just can't follow them. And you

better not be liking her pictures. And if you like her pictures, she better be dressed conia with a dress all the way covering her ankles. If I see you liking her pictures, we got a problem. We got a problem. You can like somebody that we don't know that we don't have in common, but if somebody that can come to my house that we hang out with you, you guys are like liking each other and you guys are

dming each other. What's happening? Are you guys having conversations that I don't know about because you can still have them without following each other. But the main thing, do it discreetly that I don't even suspect that something funky is happening. And I'm saying that to say this. At the West Scene recently, I was talking to this guy.

I really wasn't into him, but he wasn't too me and I basically, you know, after my father, my daughter's biological father, I kind of felt traumatized and I just chose not to be with anybody else. I haven't had sex with anybody else, I haven't gone out on dates with anybody else. Nothing. So he was so come, okay, pushy hit that mean whatever, But I'm not going on with you on a date. I am going to be working.

If you want you to just tag along, tag along with my kids and my mom and my mom's godmother combos. Not just to get two of us. It's not happening. Whatever. Then I have a little get together in the house at the apartment. We were celebrating my new purchase from one of my airbnbs in the Dominican Republic, and I invited a friend. Tell me that we're not really close like that, we've seen each other a couple of times, and she was like, oh, you're here in dr let's

hang out. I was like, all right, come, I'm doing a get together. Let me tell you this bitch starts having shots, having a thousand shots. I had a little shot that's say, because I'm a lady and I'm hosting the I'm hosting the party. Yes, and those she started to get bending over. She went there in boodhish shots come thud, she started bending over. I never said anything. I was just looking at her, like, bitch, what the

point was that? Then he asked her for her Instagram in my house and he was like, oh no, just so that. Um. I found that later because you know, my intuition said go see if they're following each other. Boom they were following Eachet And I said, why is y'all following each other? Anyways? Then she told me d k Oh I was in the elevator, and he told me to hit him up in the DM and just to say hi, so that he can follow me back

and say it cost. And then it's weird to me because every time he writes me, he deletes the messages. Every time I write him, he'll he'll just read it, answer me, but then he'll delete the things that he that he says. And he gave me his number, but I didn't answer in time and I saw that he deleted it. Oh. So my question is what are really the boundaries for social media when it comes to your relationship or when it comes to your even your own friends.

What are the things you're not supposed to do? For example, one, if you have a friend and your friend has a man or a girlfriend or whatever, don't follow them on social media just out of bidding seep your morals, don't follow them if you follow them only like family pictures or pictures with your homeboys is any or you know your home girls any. Just those pictures don't give likes and they're by themselves looking sexy or not that shit. Don't do it, okay. Rule number one thousand, don't let

up into d ms. Okay. So there's rules to it. Are there any rules for you, Vanessa that you would like your man to follow? Yeah, I mean I agree. I agree that, like I let him follow and stuff. But if he's like texting him like, oh I wanna, how are you and how's the I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,

we're not we're not trying to talk to them. I'm okay with the follow, but I relate to you with like, you know, I had a lot of past trauma, dealing with bullshit guys who lie a lot and they tell you and you're the only one, you're the world, and then it's it's hard to get over that shit and it's hard to finally trust someone. That was the biggest issue in the relationship I have now is me getting

over that trauma because I kept putting it on him. Wait, as a as a male perspective, here on the round table, here Vanessa and a Mada, I want to know, like, like, I have a best friend in his life. Does sexy costplay on only fans right? Nothing? No nudes, no, nothing, just you know, she dresses up like characters from X Men or whatever? So is it bad? And we're boys, Like we're like really close, can I like his wife's picture on Instagram. There's nothing. It's like like wearing a

bathing suit. Is that bad? No? No? No, yeah, yeah, No. Is your homeboy your boy? Is he in that picture with her? Most of the time, he's not. Most of the time he's not. No, no, no, we're not. No, we're not doing it. So but no, that's a liotle question too, Okay, okay, So is it okay for you to follow your girlfriends or your homeboys girl on like an only fans page just to support You're just being there as a support system because you know she's making money.

This is to support the family. Look for a twelve ninety nine every month. No, you can support her family through her only fans and that's your homeboy probably. So if they're okay for you to follow, I just want to know, I don't. And you know, only fans is a part of social media. Is just a closed paywall, social media wall sectional social media because Instagram is doing the same thing. They have now a paywall for your Yeah, So for me, it's a no, I'm not gonna do that, obviously.

I am definitely not gonna do I drink that crosses a line when you're paying money to see someone else's wife naked. No, you're supporting that. You're supporting your girl, your Homeboys girls, aren't. She got a business business. I have a business too, Send me twelve dollars. Okay. So so, okay, So only fans is off limits. So we already had that established. Only fans is off limits, even if they're

just wearing costumes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so too, because you can ever know, like if if you happen to if they happen to take that next step. And last year we had Ali Rayon here. She has definitely taken that next step, right, So, so, for instance, if they were to do that, then you know that that local media if you guys are gonna go have a couple of drinks or everything, how awkward would that be? Right? You're like, hey, so I've seen your bits. No, I'll

ask you this. How about this? What about if you find out that your Homeboys girl has an only fans and he don't know about it? Would you say something? Man? It's the same thing as if you see your Homeboys girl out with another man in the street, would you say something to your homeboy like, that's not my business. I'm just gonna act like I didn't see it, but you said, Vanessa, I'll let you answer this because this

one's kind of tough. I'm like, I'm on the border for that, and I'm like, I don't know, like do I step in? Yeah, Vanessa, what do you think? I think if I think if if it's your homeboy, I think if a dude sees another dude's girl on there, I think, yeah, you should be like do you know she has this? Or you think would he get mad at you for seeing it? There? You go, Oh, that's rough. I think I think that I would slowly hint because

I don't want anything bad. I don't want my name to be brought up in it, in the arguments or in the fight, or even if it's a secret that he's trying to keep. And you're like, hey, by the way, I know this, Like, you know, I don't want to get into that situation. If it's out in the public is different, you know, Yeah, I know, I'm telling I don't know. Listen, I know that they're gonna come for me. They're gonna come for me. I already know because that's

what happens. Do you tell your friend that you see her man cheating and she's still gonna be with her man, and they'll say, yeah, her man's gonna look at you like you can't trust his bas like now you're caught up in the middle of it. But I probably won't say like, oh, yeah, he's hitting on you. But I'd be like, I saw, you know, I saw whatever George. I saw him at the mall with his friend. Yeah, they were really nice. They were having smoothies together and everything.

That's that's his cousin Jose I you know her, and I basically I basically told you without telling you, oh, I thought that they were just friends. That was though You're like, oh, I saw, I'm kind of letting you know. And to bring it in full circle, it all happened because of a simple following. DM. Oh, here's another question.

An issue I had in my past relationship was I saw that my ex only followed what I called quetos only a whole bunch of quetos quatas to me, are all the girls that only have their titties out there ask out thongs. So I would saw, I would see who they were, who he was following consistently, and I'm like, why are you doing this? I don't understand. I don't mind you following a couple, but all the people you

follow is only females. Is it okay? Is it not okay for your significant other to follow a certain type of women consistently? Does it bother you? Does it not? Is it just social media? It doesn't you know? How do you feel about it? I feel like if it's if that's he follows, like, yeah, we have a problem, Like come on, go on the explore page, look at some cakes, look at something else, destination, not just titties all day. No, that's that's too much. Yes, yeah, yeah.

I feel like if that's the only interest, then that's a red flag, right, that's all he wants to look at on the phone. Red flag. That's what he's doing this whole You know, social media boundary things can go on and on forever because there's so many things we can talk about. For example, how was dating ten years ago in comparison to how things are now? How has social media affected the way that we view relationships? We

no longer date necessary in person. We spend more time texting each other, and we're tapping each other and face timing each other than we actually do having physical contact. I mean, there's so many things to be spoken about when it comes to social media and boundary even dating apps. These pages, these new Apple Snapchat that at one point we used to use them supposedly just to share each other's daily content, but at the same time we knew

that it would delete. So when it first came out, everybody was just sending each other's pictures, videos, nudes, all types of stuff. And you would never know that your boyfriend, wife, girlfriend, whatever have even those pages. So social media, the Internet is a blessing, but at the same time, I feel like it has been very damaging for relationships. It's been

very damaging. Even when you have your social media page and you have a whole bunch of people that you don't know commenting on your relationship, given your advice or telling you, oh, you should leave your man or leave your girl, or instead of encouraging you to figure things out,

work it out or whatever. However, shut us to those that have found love through social media, those that know how to maintain a realistic relationship, that don't expose everything and everything, like every time you have an issue you posted on social media, every time that you're having you posted. It's important to have boundaries and know how to separate

real life from what social media life is. And I'm so glad Vanessa that you came through to tell me because honestly, as much as judg mental as the rest of us can be about your relationship, because you haven't gotten married, but you've been in a happy relationship for eight years, we need to hear more situations like that that you don't have to follow mun to be in a successful, happy relationship and still be in that space. So I really want to thank you for joining in today.

Shout out to you and your booth thing. If you guys ever get married, I wants to go, and if you don't, it don't matter because I'm still happy for y'all.

Alice as usual, thank you so much for joining in and always giving us your male perspective on things, because the truth is, we do need to listen to men a little bit more sure I agree, I agree as well, and Vanessa, real quickly, can you tell us where our wonderful audience can follow you and watch you well, y'all could send me dms at Vanessa JC Comedy on Instagram and Twitter. Don't be too nasty on there, and my website Vanessa Comedy dot com. Thank you Vanessa so much

for coming in today. I can't wait to see what you guys think about today's episode. Please let me know at exactly amata on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and all that good stuff. Thank you guys so much for being part of exactly amata, and like I said before, don't forget to find us at all our social media platform at exactly amata, and to our YouTube channel where you will be able to watch us every week by searching exactly amata. This has been a production of Ihearts Michael podcast Network.

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